Thursday Night Turmoil
November 19th, 2009 – #HOW93
The Best Arena, Chicago IL
Bobbinette “Queen B” Carey vs. Chris Kostoff
We open up Thursday Night Turmoil not with Joe Hoffman and Benny Newell, not with friendly banter or a big pyrotechnic display, but with Chris Kostoff and Bobbinette Carey standing nose to nose down in the basement of The Best Arena, both looking like they are ready to tear each other apart as referee Rick Stevens has to step in between the two and separate them.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome to Thursday Night Turmoil folks, I am Joe Hoffman and as usual Benny Newell and his bottle of Jack are next to me at ringside. Tonight we are starting things off right away with Kostoff and Carey as it seems HOW officials couldn’t keep the two separated any longer.
Benny Newell: After Kostoff tossed Carey in the trunk of her own limo last week I am not surprised.
Down in the basement Stevens has gotten the two separated and Bryan McVay now steps up to give the introductions as the two remain locked in a stare at each other, one that is surly not of emotional love, but of true hate at the moment.
Bryan McVay: The following HOFC bout is scheduled for three, three-minute round and is the semi-finals of the HOFC tournament, where the winner of this match will go on to face Joseph Gregory in the finals. First in the blue corner from Tampa, Florida and weighing in tonight at 285 pounds….Chris Kostoff!!
We hear Kostoff’s theme “Name of the Game” by The Crystal Method as there are a good number of cheers in the arena, out of respect for the HOW veterans as Kostoff just smiles at Bobbinette evilly as McVay then turns his attention to the opposite corner.
Bryan McVay: And in the red corner from Parma Height, Ohio and weighing in tonight at 134 pounds….Bobbinette “Queen B” Carey!!
”Circus” by Brittany Spear plays, as Carey stands strong, not being intimidated by Kostoff as referee Rick Stevens calls the two in for his final instructions.
Joe Hoffman: This is going to be an incredibly intense match Benny, both of these fighters are HOW Hall of Famers who have an a lot of experience here in HOW, neither is going to give up easily in this match.
Benny Newell: Should be a great match for me to try out my new HOFC drinking game. The rules are simple, pick a fighter and every time they get struck with a kick or punch you take a drink, knockdown are double. I picked Bobbinette, cause I know Kostoff will destroy her.
Joe Hoffman: Bobbinette is giving up about 150 pounds to Kostoff, so she is going to have to be smart in this match and not let Kostoff overpower her.
Benny Newell: What would you know about overpowering a woman?
All finished with his instructions, Stevens calls for the bell and the first round of the bout is underway as Kostoff and Carey waste little time and go right at each other and start trading punch after punch, a total of 10 before Kostoff gets the upper hand with his size and knocks Bobbinette off her feet, dropping her to the mat.
Joe Hoffman: If I’m not correct that is 6 shots Benny, Carey tried to go punch for punch with Kostoff, but the size differential quickly came into play.
Benny has nothing to say as he is quickly downing shots as Carey springs quickly back up to her feet and ducks a Kostoff strike and kicks him square in the stomach and hits a quick DDT as she quickly locks a chicken wing arm lock in on Kostoff.
Joe Hoffman: An Unorthodox MMA move, but it works for Carey as she has Kostoff locked in a submission hold.
Benny Newell: Who starts a MMA fight off by trading punches? Seriously?
Carey continues to keep the pressure on Kostoff’s arm as she wrenches back on it. Kostoff tries to grab Carey but she is out of his reach as he continues to try and find a way out of the hold. But not finding a way out Kostoff starts to try and stand back up, using his strength he gets back up to his knees and then back up to his feet which lifts Carey off the ground and Kostoff drops backwards to the mat which crushes Carey and breaks the hold as Benny does another shot.
Joe Hoffman: What a showing of strength by Kostoff to break that hold which could have ended this bout early.
Both take a few seconds to each recover from the moves as Carey is the first back to her feet and stalks Kostoff for a second as he stands back up and turns around as Carey goes for the Queen’s Grasp….but Kostoff blocks the move by grabbing her hand as he starts to shake his head and then throw her arm away and connect with a huge clothesline strike.
Joe Hoffman: Drink! Kostoff almost tore Carey’s head off with that clothesline.
Benny Newell: Well she shouldn’t have tried to grab his balls. Who does she think she is? Krista Lewis?
Kostoff drops down to the mat and takes a homerun swing at Carey’s head, but she is able to roll away from the punch as Kostoff strikes the mat instead. Carey then jumps on Kostoff and starts with some rapid-fire punches, which Kostoff quickly starts to respond with punches of his own. But this time Carey gets the upper hand as she has Kostoff mounted and actually cuts him open above the eye.
Joe Hoffman: Again they trade punches as this has turned into a pure brawl and my partner Benny has tossed away his shot glass and is drinking straight from the bottle now.
The punches continue to fly from both fighters as the clock for the round ticks down to zero and Rick Stevens calls for the bell as he has to get in there and physically break up Carey and Kostoff.
Joe Hoffman: What a first round here as it was extremely close, but I would have to give the round to Carey, she didn’t let Kostoff’s size intimidate her and even busted him open there at the end….Benny your thoughts?
Benny Newell: I am thinking that this drinking game was a bad idea….
Joe Hoffman: Kostoff certainly did get his fair share of strikes in on Carey, including that big clothesline…but looks like were ready for round 2 as Stevens can barely keep these two apart.
Stevens calls for the bell and Kostoff and Carey go back at each other swinging, Kostoff ducks a punch and connects with a hard jab followed by a boot to the stomach and a spinebuster right down to the mat as uses an arm bar submission on Carey, pinning her down to the mat. Carey tries to escape but Kostoff has tight grip on the arm which he pulls back on with the intension of snapping it off.
Joe Hoffman: Carey better find a way out of this move and quick before Kostoff cripples her arm.
Benny Newell: I don’t have to drink for submissions do I?
Joe Hoffman: I don’t know, it’s your game.
Carey is able to twist her body in a way that she is able to use her legs to pull Kostoff in the opposite direction, which loosens his grip on her arm, as Carey is able to break the hold and roll away from Kostoff. He tries going back after her but Carey connects with a boot to his face, which send Kostoff back. Carey gets back to a vertical base as Kostoff does the same but walks right into a standing sidekick to his head.
Joe Hoffman: What a kick by Carey…Kostoff could be knocked out.
Checking on Kostoff Stevens shakes his head and keeps the match going as Kostoff seems to still be conscious and able to continue the fight. Carey stalks Kostoff who slowly is able to get back up to his feet. Carey runs at him and hits a handspring and wraps her legs around Kostoff’s neck and tries to pull off a hurricanrana, but Kostoff is able to stand his ground as he yells out a yell and lifts Carey up and turns her attempted hurricanrana into a sit-down powerbomb.
Joe Hoffman: No Remorse by Kostoff! I didn’t think I would see that in an MMA match, but Carey handsprung right into it.
Benny Newell: I’m gonna need a new bottle soon.
Stevens checks on both Carey and Kostoff and still lets the match continue as Carey is able to somehow roll away from Kostoff in an attempt to recuperate from Kostoff’s finisher as the clock for the round counts down to zero and Stevens calls for the bell to end the round.
Joe Hoffman: Both fighters seem spent Benny, they have given it there all here as both want that match with Gregory in the finals of this tournament.
Benny Newell: I….I thought…Bllaaahhh
Benny almost starts puking towards the side of the announce table as Joe just closes his eyes and grits his teeth as Benny dry heaves..
Benny Newell: Ok, I’m good now Jo…..Blaaahhhh
Joe Hoffman: Can someone just mute his mic? Carey and Kostoff are back on their feet now and seems we are going to go to a third and final round here in this bout. If we don’t have a decision in three minutes this match will go to the judges.
Calling for the bell to start the third round Kostoff and Carey looks to be physically exhausted as they don’t charge at each other, but take a few extra moments to catch their breathes. Carey suddenly comes in quick and strikes Kostoff with a jab as he then retaliates with a right hook of his own that connects and staggers Carey. Kostoff takes the opening to lock Carey into a dragon sleeper as Carey starts to quickly fade.
Joe Hoffman: Kostoff is looking to put Carey asleep here as he cuts the blood flow to her head off.
Trying to fight out of the hold Carey starts to fade as Stevens drops to a knee to check on her. He raises her arm up and lets go but mid falls her arms stops as Carey shows signs of life. Getting a second wind she elbows Kostoff in the stomach, one, twice, three times as she is able to break out of the hold.
Joe Hoffman: Carey just saved the match for herself as a few more seconds and Kostoff would have choked her out.
Kostoff stumbles back and Carey takes some deep breathes and charges at Kostoff with a double axe handle to his head which staggers him even more. She lands a few quick punches her his head before she takes a step back and once again goes for the handspring hurricanrana, which this time is successful as Kostoff is thrown down to the mat hard.
Joe Hoffman: Royalty Check by Carey, Kostoff is really reeling now.
Benny Newell: How many shots do I owe?
Dropping an elbow on Kostoff, Carey proceeds to throw some strikes at Kostoff, which connect and opens his cut up a little wider. Carey then goes for an arm triangle choke hold on Kostoff as she yells out loud as she pulls on Kostoff’s arm, which puts even more pressure on his neck. Stevens checks on Kostoff but he is still trying to fight his way out of the choke.
Joe Hoffman: Kostoff is struggling to get free….but he is quickly fading.
Benny Newell: Come one Kostoff, you don’t want to be choked out by a chick.
You can see the intensity in Carey’s eyes as she pulls on Kostoff’s arm, which is choking the life out of him. Referee Rick Stevens goes in again to check on Kostoff who is barely responsive as Stevens goes to lift his arm, but he stops just short of grabbing his arm.
DING, DING, DING
Stevens orders Carey to break the choke hold and she does as for a moment she thinks she has won the match until Stevens tells her it was the bell for the end of the round, not for her winning.
Joe Hoffman: And that is the end of round three…..were going to go to the judges.
Benny Newell: How much would it suck for Carey to loose after just about choking Kostoff out.
Joe Hoffman: That was a very close round; it is going to be a tough decision for our three unknown HOFC judges to make.
Benny Newell: We ever going to find out who these guys are? They are more mysterious then Area 51.
Joe Hoffman: Right….Anyhow looks like the judges have rendered a decision.
Stevens walks back from the judges and whispers the results over to Bryan McVay who walks out onto the mat where Carey and Kostoff have once again locked in a stare at each other.
Bryan McVay: This bout has gone to the HOFC judges for a decision. The winner of this match in un-unanimous decision….Bobbinette “Queen B” Carey!!!
Stevens raises Bobbinette’s arm as her theme music “Circus” by Brittany Spears plays as Kostoff storms out of the basement.
Joe Hoffman: Bobbinette wins and will now go on to face Joseph Gregory next week in the finals of the HOFC tournament. What a match up to kick off Turmoil tonight.
Benny Newell: Bobbinette has certainly taken this tournament by storm….but can she finish it off by beating the recently hot Joseph Gregory.
Joe Hoffman: Well find out next week on Turmoil Benny. Right now I understand we gotta cut backstage where Missy Andrews is standing by with the HOFC Champion Michael DeNucci!
Hot Girl with a Douchebag?
We cut to Studio 2A of the Best Arena, the Going Hollywood studio which doubles as DeNucci’s private locker room. As is usually the case with DeNucci, the room is filled with friends and well-wishers, most of whom are female, hot, and wearing next to nothing. Missy is drastically overdressed here, but she’s not here to party, and she and her cameraman, who we’ll call Doug, press through the crowd to the VIP section, where the HOFC champ is holding court with several attractive females, as well as his associates from Xtreme Couture and newfound friends at M-1 Global, Fedor Emelianenko’s team. Upon seeing Andrews approaching, DeNucci signals to the bouncer, who opens the velvet rope for Missy and Doug.
DeNucci: Here’s someone I didn’t expect to see tonight. What’s up, sugartits? You come to party?
Missy leans in to DeNucci and purrs in his ear.
Andrews: I always come to party, baby.
Clearly not expecting that response, DeNucci turns quickly to his XC boys and fires off a facial expression your humble narrator likes to call the WTF Eyebrows™. His boys respond with the “we don’t know, but fuck it, go with it man” shoulder shrug.
Andrews: But right now, I need a little favor involving you, me, and this camera.
DeNucci: As tempting as that sounds, the FCC is already after us after the Mayhem disaster show…maybe we ought to take this someplace private?
Andrews: I meant an interview…but after that, who knows what the night has in store?
DeNucci: Alright, girl, do your thing.
With that, Missy switches into professional interviewer mode and goes to work.
Andrews: Michael, as we’ve just seen, Bobbinette Carey has defeated Chris Kostoff by unanimous decision, and advanced to next week’s final round of the HOFC tournament to face Joseph Gregory.
Andrews: …come to think of it, I don’t know either. But nonetheless, are you surprised to see Chris Kostoff eliminated from the tournament?
DeNucci: I mean, yeah, in one sense, I’m surprised. If you asked me to rank everyone in the HOFC division, I would’ve had Kostoff at number two, behind me.
Andrews: What do you think was the key factor in Carey beating Kostoff tonight?
DeNucci: Honestly, I don’t think Kostoff wanted it. Kostoff didn’t have that hunger that he had at Rumble at the Rock. Plus he was up against Carey…look, I don’t know who lit the fuse on that bitch’s tampon, but she’s got a fucking drive I’ve never seen from her. I look forward to kicking her head in once again at ICONIC.
Andrews: Well, the tournament isn’t over yet–
DeNucci: Yeah it is.
Andrews: –As the Queen B–
DeNucci: Um, the only true Queen B is Blair Waldorf. But go on.
Andrews: –faces Joseph Gregory next week on Turmoil in the final round of the tournament. What are your thoughts on the former Spook?
DeNucci: What are my thoughts?
DeNucci drops down to the floor as Missy wonders what the hell he’s doing. That soon becomes clear, however, as DeNucci curls up and mimics going to sleep, complete with snoring. After he feels his point has been made, he jumps back up to his feet.
DeNucci: Okay, enough bullshitting aside, I haven’t seen anyone so utterly charisma-free since Lance Storm was still wrestling. Dude doesn’t even know who or what the fuck he is. When you have to ride off of Tony Wyles’ rep, you know you suck ass. Carey’s gonna knock him the fuck out next week, count on it.
Andrews: So you’re preparing to face Carey at ICONIC?
DeNucci: Absolutely. Carey’s on a roll so far in the HOFC, but I promise you, at MSG, in the first-ever mixed martial arts bout in New York City, the only thing that’s gonna be rolling is her head when I kick it into the sixth row for some kid to take home as a souvenir.
Andrews: Focusing on tonight, your fight coming up against Anthony Tremonti. MMAjunkie.com reported last week that you were in Russia training with Fedor Emelianenko…how did that training go?
DeNucci: Missy, it was some of the toughest training I’ve ever done in my life. I’ve never done shit that hard before, and I’ll probably never do shit like that again. Fedor is a fucking beast, and to be able to train with him and have him help me prepare for this fight physically and mentally is a huge honor. You know I’m usually running my mouth about how I’m gonna fuck someone up? Well, I’ll tell you right now…this one ain’t getting out of the first round. Believe that.
Michael and Missy are interrupted by Lizzy, the DeNucci Companies wonder intern.
Lizzy: Boss, they’re ready for you in the basement.
DeNucci: Great, let’s fucking do this. Missy, thanks for the interview, but I’ve got a fight to get to.
Andrews: Always a pleasure, baby.
Missy takes a moment to smack DeNucci on his well-toned ass.
Andrews: Joe and Benny, back to you.
DeNucci, still somewhat confused by Missy’s advances, makes his way out of the room, as we go back to Joe and Benny.
Newell: …you think DeNucci’s gonna hit that tonight…fuck I am warm…if he doesn’t…?
Hoffman shakes his head, wishing he wasn’t having this conversation.
Hoffman: I don’t know, Benny. I just don’t know. You need to drink some water I know that if you plan on going to make it thru the night.
Newell: I am fine..shit wont hit me till later anyway..I knew I should of ate…But yeah, he’s definitely gonna hit that.
Hoffman: Can we go to commercial now? Please? Before we have any more discussions of Michael DeNucci’s sex life?
The production team takes pity on Joe, and we go to commercial.
BURIED ALIVE REMATCH
Graystone vs. Shane Reynolds vs. Max Kael©
Tim Shipley vs. David Black©
HOFC Tournament Winner vs. Michael DeNucci©
TAG TEAM TITLE
FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE ELIMINATION MATCH
Brothers of the Beast vs. The Egg Bandits vs. The Maurako Family vs. Twisted Reality©
HARDCORE SUBMISSION MATCH
SPECIAL REFEREE CHRIS CK
Trent vs. Jatt Starr
HELLS HORROR MATCH
Erites Kallisten vs. Kirsta Lewis
Back live and the huge High Octane Vision screen above the entrance ramp comes to life…
There’s a sheep grazing peacefully in a field.
Sheep: “BAAAAAAAA- *KA-BOOM!*
Announcer Guy: “Exploding Sheep Productions presents: Dawn McGill: An American Life Gone Rogue.”
Pictures of Dawn as a baby appear on the TV screen.
Announcer Guy: “Dawn Marie McGill was born at 8:33 in the morning on March 14th, 1981 in Fort Bragg, North Carolina. The daughter of…”
A picture of Dawn’s parents appeared.
Announcer Guy: “…Lieutenant Colonel Daniel and Donna McGill, Dawn grew up on an Army base.”
Next, Dawn at one year old dressed in camouflage.
Announcer Guy: “Dawn showed her trademark toughness at an early age. By age four, she’d kicked a boy in the balls for the first time.”
A picture of Dawn smiling as she stood over a crying boy holding his nuts.
Announcer Guy: “By age six, she was jumping off tables and splashing boys left and right.”
A picture of Dawn in mid-flight with a horrified boy below her.
Announcer Guy: “Age eight? She learned how to wield a foot long ruler and those cheap plastic chairs with the best of them.”
A picture of Dawn whacking a boy over the head with a ruler.
Announcer Guy: “In junior high, Dawn became a star athlete in football, basketball, and track.”
A picture of Dawn clotheslining a running back during an eighth grade football game.
Announcer Guy: “In high school, Dawn lettered in volleyball, basketball, and track. They wouldn’t let her tryout for football. After high school, Dawn enlisted in the United States Army and soon joined the Army Rangers. While serving in Iraq, a stray piece of shrapnel severely injured her knee and McGill’s Army career came to a close. Once back in stateside, McGill rehabbed her knee at an Army hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan for six, long, grueling months. At age 22, she was honorably discharged from the Army and hooked up with an old Army friend of her father’s Colonel Norris Rickman. Rickman was running for public office in a small, rural county in Northwest Ohio and needed a valet. Dawn fit the bill and joined up with Colonel Rickman. It was on the campaign that Dawn’s true gift for mayhem and destruction came to the forefront. In this passage from the novel ‘Loose Cannons of Buckland County,’ (OOC- yes, it is a real book) Dawn’s handiwork is featured in this scene…”
…Amanda read on: “While he was giving a speech to the local VFW, Buckland County CEO candidate Colonel Norris Rickman was attacked by rival Gary Gerardo and his new political action group, the Green World Consortium.”
On the monitor, Amanda watched the tape as it showed Gary jumping Colonel Rickman from behind and pushing him into the podium and injuring his bad shoulder. While Rickman lay on the stage in pain, Gerardo lifted up his Singapore cane in triumph as the other members of the GWC joined him on stage. Cybil Disobedience sat herself down at the edge the stage to block anyone else from coming up. Mr. Non-Violent Guy began to meditate and repeat peaceful mantras over and over to himself. PETA Pattie spouted off a few anti-meat, pro-animal rights slogans into the microphone. Organic Man found a plant on stage and began to eat the leaves.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Gary bellowed on the tape, “this is the beginning of a new era in Buckland County politics. You can call us the Green World–”
Suddenly a hand appeared and tapped Gary on the shoulder. He turned around and suddenly went pale.
“However,” Amanda continued her voiceover of the tape, “Gerardo forgot all about Colonel Rickman’s valet– Dawn McGill.”
The tape replay showed Dawn McGill in one quick, fluid motion swiping the Singapore cane away from Gary and breaking it in two over his head. Immediately he slumped to the floor. Then just as swiftly she grabbed both PETA Pattie and Cybil Disobedience by the hair, yanked on them hard to bring them closer, and banged their heads together with a loud thud knocking them both out.
Dawn then stared down Mr. Non-Violent Guy. He looked petrified as the six-foot woman wielding a broken Singapore cane in her hand slowly walked right towards him. Mr. N.V.G. desperately chanted over and over peaceful, non-violent mantras as he tried to retreat from danger. Finally, his “fight or flee” response mechanism became so horribly out of kilter with Dawn bearing down on him that he wet himself and then fainted.
With Dawn temporarily preoccupied with Mr. N.V.G., Organic Man picked up the pot containing the plant that he was eating and snuck around behind her. He lifted it up to crash it over Dawn’s head. Instinctually, she thrust her foot out behind her and her six-inch spiked heel nailed Organic Man right in the groin. Organic Man’s mouth contorted into a giant “O” shape and both hands instinctively covered his privates. The potted plant then fell and broke over his head knocking him out cold.
Dawn walked back over to a dazed and confused Gary was laying on the stage. She grabbed him by his “GWC” shirt and hoisted him up off the ground. Then she threw Gary like a lawn dart headfirst into the podium and sent it pinwheeling across the stage. Dawn then proceeded to beat the living hell out of him with a dizzying array of swift punches and karate kicks to strategic areas of the body. By the time she was through with him, Gary was a bloody mess, his “Green World Consortium” shirt was in tatters, and he was totally out on his feet. Dawn finally flung him off the stage face first onto a front row table…
Announcer Guy: “Dawn soon joined up with BCEW and became involved in one of its most infamous moments as chronicled in the novel ‘Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction …”
….Vance MacMichael’ appeared and he headed towards the ring leading a donkey. “That’s right, I think it’s time that someone joins my exclusive club I like to call- the Vance MacMichael ‘Kiss the Ass’s Ass’ society!”
Over the rumbling boos and jeers, ‘Cooley’ smiled and exclaimed, “Now, that’s more like it!”
“I am the king of ‘sports entertainment,” MacMichael proclaimed. “I’m the genius here and I know what you all want to see!”
Suave made a guttural sound. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
“In fact, not only do I know what’s best, I know what the audience wants.”
Suave mimicked a retching noise. “Now, I’m definitely going to be sick.”
“So, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Let’s meet the newest member of the Vance MacMichael ‘Kiss the Ass’s Ass’ society.”
The four rookie WPWO performers from earlier in the night dragged Dawn McGill out and forced her towards MacMichael and the donkey.
“What in the world?” Suave said.
MacMichael looked on with glee. “That’s right. Bring her over here.”
The rookies pushed Dawn to where she and MacMichael stood eye to eye. Boos and other epithets flew in from all over Hack’s.
“I don’t give a damn what you all think,” MacMichael said to the crowd. “And I sure don’t care what Johnny Suave thinks either. In fact, he can join the ‘Kiss My Ass’s Ass’ club next after Dawn McGill.
Suave quickly retorted, “Yeah, when hell freezes over.”
MacMichael lifted Dawn’s chin with his hand. “Now, I want you to think of me as a benevolent father-figure and you as the ungrateful daughter who turned on me when you took out the WPWO stars earlier tonight. But, because I’m a forgiving person, I’m graciously allowing you a second chance. All you have to do is the right thing and kiss the ass’s ass.” He jammed the microphone in Dawn’s face.
“@#$# you!” Dawn defiantly said.
One of the rookies struck her with a forearm shiver to the back that dropped her down to her knees.
“No one, I repeat, NO ONE talks to Vance MacMichael like that,” he ranted. Not you. Not that bottom feeder, Bubba Jackson. Nobody. I’m telling you for the last time that you’re going to kiss the ass’s ass and you’re going to do it…” To emphasize his point, MacMichael smacked the donkey hard on the rear. “…NOW…”
His voice suddenly jumped two octaves higher. “…urk…”
“HOLY CRAP!” said a stunned Suave. “Vance smacked the donkey on the ass. The donkey reared up, kicked out his hind legs, and hit him in the……oooh……”
MacMichael covered his privates and bent over at a ninety degree angle, frozen in place and apparently in a lot of pain.
“BCEW…BCEW!” The crowd, loving every moment of it, gave the segment a standing ovation…
Announcer Guy: “Soon after, BCEW became PCW and the rest, as they say, is history.
The screen goes blank and then cuts to Dawn, sitting in a chair in front of a television set.
Dawn: “So there you go. Everything that you ever wanted to know about me but were afraid to ask. And it didn’t cost you a cent. But before I sign off, I want to share with you one of my favorite wrestling memories, David Black, and remember, this could be you later tonight.”
Dawn hits the remote control.
DAWN McGILL VS. MIKE PLOW FROM WWR SUPERSHOW ‘COMPLETELY DERANGED’
[Suave: “THE CROWD AGAIN GOING NUTS! NOW McGILL HAS AN CHOKEHOLD ON Plow!” McGill goes with the Rear Triangle Choke. Plow powers up and McGill releases the hold. Plow clutches his neck. He takes a wild left hand swing and missies badly. McGill throws a left and connects sending Plow reeling into her corner. Suave: “Bad place to be. THERE’S KIRSTA LEWIS! WHOA!” Lewis cold-cocks Plow and sends him right back to McGill. Dawn nails him with another left and sends him back to Lewis. Suave: “Plow looks like a duck caught in a firing range.” Lewis grabs a barbed wire covered baseball bat and swings at Plow. He ducks…McGill has to duck…even Miss USA and Valora must duck. McGill takes the opening and swings her foot hard, connecting with Plow’s private area. *CLANK* Plow grins and pulls down the front of his trunks enough to show a metal codpiece is protecting his crown jewels. McGill motions to Valora who reaches down and throws her a taser. Suave: “Oh…no…no, no… *ZZZZAP* HOLY CRAP!” Mike starts hopping up and down, desperately trying to remove the codpiece…he finally does…..]
[ Suave: “Plow’s taken a lot of punishment. How much more can she…say, what is Miss USA doing over there with that rope?” Miss USA throws a rope over a beam and catches it on the other side. McGill drives Plow towards Miss USA. McGill gets another chair. *CLANG* Plow staggers. McGill pushes him down at Miss USA’s feet. Miss USA loops the rope around Plow’s feet. She pulls the rope on the other side and Plow goes into the air feet first. Suave: “Well, this can’t be good. Plow’s strung up like a human pinata.” McGill gets a chair, winds up, and whacks Plow with it. Suave: “McGILL’S GOING TO BEAT THE STUFFING OUT OF HIM! *CLANG* HOLY CRAP! *CLANG* The crowd roars. Suave: “A THIRD SHOT. Plow’S A SITTING DUCK…OR A HANGING DUCK…OR WHATEVER…]
The feed cuts out as we cut back to ringside for our next match up…
Justin Decent vs. Rush Marconi
Joe Hoffman: Were back here at ringside now and ready for our next match of the night, Justin Decent and Rush Marconi..and to be honest Benny I have no clue how to react to the little history lesson we just got on Dawn McGill
Benny Newell: Ya as soon as the sheep was shown on the HOV I had flashbacks to a bad night out with Abdullah the Butcher….another independent legend like myself…but ya moving on….to what should have been our opening match Joe…though at least gives the fans a bathroom break after that bullshit between Bobbinette Carey and Chris Kostoff.
Joe Hoffman: These two are possible future HOW superstars in this match Benny. Someday they could be the next Aceldama, Jatt Starr or Max Kael.
Benny Newell: Sure Joe, keep believing that….damn….I think I am sober again already….where is my flask??
”Fu-Gee-La” by The Fugees starts playing as there are a few boos from the crowd as Justin Decent makes his way out from backstage. He slowly walks down the ramp as he seems to be favoring his back still after last week’s match against Jay Davis. He makes his way into the ring and leans up against the corner to give himself a rest.
Bryan McVay: The following match is scheduled for one fall…now in the ring from Chicago, Illinois and weighing in at 195 pounds…Justin Decent!
Joe Hoffman: Decent looks tired jut from walking down to the ring, that can’t be a good start to what could be a very long match.
”Seven Nation Army” by the White Stripes cuts in and we hear a few more boos as Rush Marconi walks out and makes his way down to the ring.
Bryan McVay: And his opponents from Montclair, New Jersey and weighing in at 235 pounds….Rush Marconi!
Decent shakes his head, as it seems Marconi didn’t listen to his plea of loosing some weight. Marconi enters the ring and Hortega quickly calls for the bell to start the match. Decent and Marconi lock up as Marconi gets the upper hand and throws Decent into the ropes but Decent comes back with a flying clothesline that turns Marconi inside out and send him hard to the floor. He quickly lifts Marconi up and whips him now into the ropes and connects with a huge drop kick that knocks Marconi down again.
Joe Hoffman: Did you see the height on that dropkick Benny? What a move by Decent.
Benny Newell: No, I was using this time to refill my official HOW flask. Playing HOFC drinking games are intense. I just wish I didn’t puke up all that precious Jack so early in the night.
Decent stays right on Marconi as he picks him up from the mat again and this time looks like he is going to go for a DDT, but Marconi gets a knee into the stomach of Decent and reverses it by swinging around behind Decent and attempting a German suplex but Decent counters that kicking his left leg behind him and hitting a low blow on Marconi that the referee can’t see.
Benny Newell: Now this is getting interesting.
Joe Hoffman: Low blow that referee Joel Hortega didn’t see.
With Marconi still behind him he grabs him by the arms and lifts him up into that reverse crucifix position and quickly slams Marconi down to the mat face first as he rolls him over and goes for the pinfall.
Joe Hoffman: The Reverse Edge ends this match for Decent and for the second week in a row he picks up a win here in HOW.
Benny Newell: The kid may be horrible at picking names for himself….but he getting the job done in the ring.
Bryan McVay: The winner of this match in 1 minute and 14 seconds….Justin Decent!
Hortega raises Decent’s arm as he holds his back with other arm, obviously hurting after having to lift the “big man” Marconi.
The baseball cap on his head features the name of a prominent package delivery company, so he quickly turns it around away from the cameras as they begin to film him in the corridors of the Best Arena. He doesn’t want it all over TV that he’s been wandering around this infernal place for a half-hour trying to find someone to sign for his package. He’s already late for his next delivery, and he’ll never get back the five minutes he spent listening to Frankie the Cameraman’s advice on how to bulk up in ten easy ways.
At last he spots a man who might well be his recipient. He’s not the biggest guy backstage but he’s got that mean look he was told to look out for, plus he’s dressed all in black: would that be too obvious, though? Well, there was only one way to find out.
He stepped forward importantly, and before the wrestler could insult him, or grab him by the throat, or ask him if he would like a hysterectomy or whatever else these strange and scary people had done to him already tonight, he announced:
Delivery Guy: I have a package for David Black.
David Black raises an accusatory eyebrow.
David Black: I didn’t order any package.
Delivery Guy: You are David Black?
With a sigh of relief, he fumbles in his pockets.
Delivery Guy: If you could sign here…
Black scrawls his name wordlessly, eyes fixed on the brown parcel that is handed to him. His name and address are printed on the front in wobbly black marker pen. Someone has also written “URGENT” up and down the sides. In pink. A shiny, sparkly pink. He turns it over, and on the bottom of the package the pink reads “From eBay with love, HONEY”. And then there are several kisses in the form of ‘x’s. Just the way he doesn’t like it.
With a surly glare, he accosts the delivery boy before he can leave.
David Black: Who gave you this package?
He frowns in panic.
Delivery Guy: It just came by the usual route. Out of the warehouse. That’s how it works with Fed— ah, with our leading parcel delivery service. Would you, er. Would you like a leaflet?
Black slaps the pile out of the pubescent’s hand with a growl. The glossy pamphlets fan out on the floor all around the pair.
“Now that wasn’t very nice.”
Black swivels, and the voice is one he was beginning to expect to hear.
Roxie: Why don’t you help him pick up his papers, David.
Emboldened by the support of probably the hottest girl he will ever see up close in his life, the baseball-capped delivery boy concurs.
Delivery Guy: I was only doing my job, there’s no need to be a jerk.
Black just laughs, and the unfortunate’s eyes turn pleadingly to Roxie, but she turns away scornfully and lets him begin to scrabble at her feet, cursing quietly to himself.
Roxie: Somebody sent you a gift, David? Fan mail is it?
Black scowls at Roxie.
David Black: You know…you keep following me around like this and, honestly, you’re embarrassing yourself. Now be a good little girl and scamper on out of here before I decide to satisfy that nagging curiosity you have about me and show you why it killed the cat.
Black turns his attention back to the parcel in his hands. He has a puzzled and somewhat distrustful look on his face as he takes another quick look at the package, knowing full well that he does not know anybody who would send him a package like this one.
Roxie: Well aren’t you going to open it?
Black ignores Roxie’s words but starts opening the package just the same and as he does, the smile on Roxie’s face grows larger by the second as she can barely keep herself from laughing. Black reaches into the package and pulls out a barbie doll wrapped with a pink ribbon. Roxie bursts into laughter as Black just stands there staring at the doll in his hands.
Roxie: I thought that since you like little girls so much—
Before Roxie can finish, Black rips the head off the doll and hurls it into the wall in one swift motion while screaming with anger, causing the delivery guy to drop his pamphlets again as he runs to the door, not bothering to stop and pick them up again, while Roxie seems almost frozen as she just stands there, saying nothing and looking a bit pale, as she realizes she may have crossed a line. Black slowly raises his head and gives Roxie a menacing look. Roxie goes to leave the room but Black grabs her by the hair and pulls her in close before she can make it.
David Black: You wanna play games?
The anger is clear in the LSD Champion’s voice as he does indeed seem to have snapped.
David Black: What’s the matter huh? No insults? No witty remarks? Oh and look–
Black pulls Roxie even closer and leans in to whisper something in her ear.
David Black: No Tim Shipley to come to your rescue.
He says, with a low, eerie laugh. Roxie seems terrified as she is finally realizing just what kind of person she is dealing with.
David Black: So what do you think we should do huh? What game shall we play? Any suggestions?
Black pauses for a moment.
David Black: No? Well it’s a good thing I have something in mind then. You see, you’re gonna do something for me and if you’re a good girl and you do it really well–
Black is interrupted as Roxie tries to free herself from his grip but after a brief struggle, Black regains control by pulling her hard by the hair again.
David Black: Do that again and you’ll be sorry! Now what you are gonna do is deliver a message to Shipley from me. Think you can manage that?
He asks, mockingly.
David Black: You tell him that when he faces me at Iconic for my LSD Championship, he will do so in a match where every single move he makes could spell doom. It will be a match where not only his career will be on the line, but his life as well! Because the match will be a…House…of…Mirrors…match.
Black smiles at the thought of bringing back the House of Mirrors match.
David Black: And you may want to start looking for a new meal ticket, because after Iconic…you’ll find that Tim Shipley won’t be around anymore.
Black goes to release his hold on Roxie but stops and pulls her in close again and stares at her for a few seconds.
David Black: You know…fear looks really good on you.
He smiles and shoves Roxie towards the door, finally releasing his grip on her. Roxie hurries out of the room and the cameras cut away.
BURIED ALIVE REMATCH
Graystone vs. Shane Reynolds vs. Max Kael©
HOUSE OF MIRRORS MATCH
Tim Shipley vs. David Black©
HOFC Tournament Winner vs. Michael DeNucci©
TAG TEAM TITLE
FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE ELIMINATION MATCH
Brothers of the Beast vs. The Egg Bandits vs. The Maurako Family vs. Twisted Reality©
HARDCORE SUBMISSION MATCH
SPECIAL REFEREE CHRIS CK
Trent vs. Jatt Starr
HELLS HORROR MATCH
Erites Kallisten vs. Kirsta Lewis
David Black vs. Dawn McGill
Back live on HOTv and the action cuts right to the middle of the ring where Bryan McVay is waiting for his cue..
Bryan McVay: This next match is for one fall!
Sabotage by The Beastie Boys hits the speakers and Dawn McGill steps out holding a Singapore cane.
Joe Hoffman: Here comes the woman that for two straight weeks took it to the ICON Champion Maximillian Kael and before we get too far into this match, Benny…House of Mirrors is coming back at ICONIC!!
Benny Newell: Who gives a fuck about the LSD Title match? Both are mid card pieces of shit who think they deserve more of a spotlight. A House of Mirrors match is going to be boring as fuck at ICONIC as all those two will do is look at themselves and the fucking crowd will riot…yaaaaaaa…cannot wait for that match…
Bryan McVay: Introducing first, from Morenci, Michigan…Dawn McGill!!!
Dawn walks down with a Singapore cane in her right hand. As she slides into the ring, “Survive” by Lacuna Coil hits the arena and David Black walks out onto the stage from the backstage area.
Bryan McVay: And her opponent, from Los Angeles, California, this is your reigning LSD Champion…DAVID BLACK!
Joe Hoffman: David Black has held the LSD Championship for a record 164 days and one has to wonder if Tim Shipley cannot beat him at ICONIC…will anyone EVER beat him?
Benny Newell: Maybe I will have to put my tights back on and come outta retirement to show all these idiots how its done.
Black looks around at the crowd, before walking down the ramp and sliding into the ring. As soon as his feet hit the mat, Matt Boettcher calls for the bell signaling for the action to begin.
Joe Hoffman: She is a few pounds lighter but every bit as big as and maybe even a bit taller than David Black…and Benny please don’t ever think you could actually wrestle again..let alone against David Black or even Dawn McGill.
Benny Newell: I’d LOVE to let her throw me around the ring.
McGill moves in towards Black and raises her right hand challenging him to a test of strength.
Joe Hoffman: This should be interesting.
Benny Newell: I’d hold hands with her.
Just as soon as their right hands met, she reached down with her left and caught him with a Testicular Claw! He released her hand and McGill throttled him around his throat backing him into a corner where Matt Boettcher began a five count warn her to break the hold. Before she could Black broke it himself with a thumb to her eye. As she released the hold, Black slid out of the ring to walk it off and Boettcher began his ten count.
Joe Hoffman: Still interesting in getting in the ring with the Demolition Machine?
Benny Newell: I am if she goes straight for my junk like she just then!
Joe Hoffman: Black slides back inside just before the ten count is reached.
Benny Newell: And McGill is putting the boots to him!
She stomped away but Black swept her legs and she went down hard. Both wrestlers moved quickly back to their feet but Black was faster and nailed McGill with a stiff European Uppercut as she was standing which sent her right back down to the mat. From out of nowhere he hit her with a Standing Shooting Star Press. As soon as he connected with her, he was demanding a three count.
Joe Hoffman: Big time impact move there by the Champ!
Benny Newell: But Dawn McGill kicks out before Matt Boettcher is even in position to make the count!
Black pulls her up and sets her up for a Vertical Suplex, but McGill blocks it and sends him crashing down to the mat with a back body drop. She hits the ropes running going for an elbow drop but Black moves out of the way at the last second.
Benny Newell: Pace of the match is picking up now!
Joe Hoffman: Black connects with a vicious Belly to Back Suplex as Dawn McGill was making it back up to her feet. With a bridge he is going for the pinfall!
Benny Newell: Matt Boettcher slides into position to make the count!
Joe Hoffman: …1…2…
Benny Newell: Damn…kickout….I thought for sure this shit was over!
Black pulls her up with a hand full of hair and with an Irish whip sends her for the ride. As she bounces off of the ring ropes, she collides with Matt Boettcher and they are both knocked flat. Seizing the opportunity, Black slides out of the ring and grabs a steel chair from ringside and slides back in. As McGill stands, he lays her out with a brutal shot to the head. Black tosses the chair out of the ring and shakes Matt Boettcher until he is up. Black falls on top of her for the pin as the crowd stands as one and showers Black with boo’s from all over The Best Arena.
Bryan McVay: And your winner in 8 minutes and 34 seconds…DAVID BLACK!!!
Joe Hoffman: Another close match for Dawn and you just cannot blame her for coming into the company and taking on Champion after Champion.
Benny Newell: You know I have held over 50 titles…maybe she would like..
Before Benny can finish his sentence the action cuts to the backstage area…
In All Fairness
Backstage. The camera has a close up on a briefcase. As it zooms out, it is realized that the location is Chris CK’s locker room. Standing next to Chris CK is none other than Jatt Starr who is pacing as he talks rather excitedly with CK, who is fighting to stay awake.
Jatt Starr: …and the fact is, right now you’re in the position you’re in because of me. It doesn’t matter what Trent has tried to do, I am the reason you’re not dead and buried. You’d be in a completely different place right now if it weren’t for me. That’s why at ICONIC, you should do the right thing. Put our differences aside and call my match down the middle. You owe me that much.
Chris CK: Look, for the last time, at ICONIC I will call your match down the middle. I want to make sure the title shot goes to the one who gets the job done in the ring, not the one who I prefer on a personal level.
Jatt Starr: Title shot? I don’t care about that, you deserve that briefcase. I’m on about how I saved HOW from a zombie invasion last week. But that isn’t the end of it! No! If Paco can come back from the dead, I’m sure being dead won’t stop him from rising up again. I promise, if you call the match down the middle, no monkey business, and you will have your own little room in the Starrcadia Compund! Safe from the zombie attack. You don’t have to say anything right now, but you can’t wait until the last second either. Once those gates are closed, anything that moves will be shot down like a Pauly Shore Academy Award consideration! You seem very hesitant right now but think about this: after my actions last week where I, singlehandedly, prevented another zombie outbreak. So, you can trust me when I say, all those living in my compound will have my full protection.
Chris CK: Jatt, for the last time, there is no zombie attack! Even if Paco was undead, how could he even move to eat your brains or whatever?
Jatt Starr: Number one, he has wings. Number two, chickens weigh less than most humans so they don’t have as much weight to carry.
Chris CK: There are about four things wrong with that statement. For one, zombies can’t run. As proven by Diary of the Dead, their ankles snap when they do.
Jatt Starr: It’s a lie! If their bones are so brittle, why doesn’t everything else snap too? It’s just Hollywood hogwash. They’re in on it too.
Chris CK: In on what?
Jatt Starr: Haven’t you been listening! Hollywood is trying to render us into zombies. Did you see 2012? I didn’t but you can tell from the trailers that it’s so mind-numbingly stupid, the end of the world will be due to the uprising. As the Guardian Against Zombie Attacks, or GAZA, it is my job to decipher the facts from the fiction. “2012” is pure fiction.
Chris CK: This conversation is getting mind-numbingly stupid, that’s for sure.
Jatt Starr: How is being prepared mind—
There is a knock at the door which immediately opens afterward revealing Randy the Intern.
Jatt Starr: What is it, Randy?
Randy the Intern: I have another message for you.
Jatt Starr: And?
Randy the Intern: It’s pretty strange.
Jatt Starr: So our friend “the blackmailer” is here?
Randy the Intern: Yeah, but he left. He said you’ll always be such a Simple Simon in his book and that he will be there at Mayhem.
Jatt Starr: Excellent. Dare I say…Jattastic!
Randy the Intern: He also said one more thing.
Jatt Starr: Which was?
Randy the Intern: “Wear diapers.”
Jatt Starr: Wear—? Are you sure he wasn’t talking to you?
Randy the Intern: I’m pretty sure he was talking about—
Jatt Starr: You are dismissed, Robby!
Randy the Intern: Rand–
Jatt Starr: OUT!!!
Jatt Starr points to the door and Randy the Intern exit’s the locker room.
Chris CK: What’s all that about?
Jatt Starr: Long story.
Chris CK: Then I don’t want to hear it. Especially if you’re the one telling it.
Chris CK picks up his briefcase and then leaves Jatt Starr in the locker room without saying a word. Jatt Starr rushes over to the door and calls out to Chris CK.
Jatt Starr: DOWN THE MIDDLE, CHRIS!!! CALL IT DOWN THE MIDDLE!!!
Even Roman Polanski would drink this!!
“The Headhunter” Michael DeNucci vs. DavoteK
Joe Hoffman: Were back and for the second week in a row we are going to get to see two HOFC matches here on Turmoil. This time the HOFC champion Michael DeNucci will fight in his first bout since Rumble at the Rock against Davotek.
Benny Newell: And this will be a non-title match. This will be to settle a personal score between these two men.
Cutting down to the basement we see Davotek and DeNucci have already made their ways onto the mat as referee Rick Stevens is talking to both men.
Bryan McVay: The following non-title HOFC bout is scheduled for three, three-minute rounds. First in the blue corner…. Davotek!!!
Joe Hoffman: Should defiantly be a good fight between these two men.
Bryan McVay: And in the red corner…from Laguna Beach, California and weighing in tonight at 223 pounds. He is the HOW HOFC Champion….”The Headhunter” Michael DeNucci.
Benny Newell: The douche bag himself.
Joe Hoffman: I wouldn’t try and piss him off Benny. Even with you drunk, I’m sure he can make you feel some pretty bad pain.
Finishing his final instructions Stevens calls for the bell and we get things underway in the second HOFC bout of the night. Each man takes it cautious, throwing a few jabs which don’t connect until DeNucci comes at Davotek with a hard kick to the rib which connects as DeNucci follows it up with a knee to the face which knocks Davotek down.
Joe Hoffman: High knee by DeNucci, which seems to have busted Davotek’s nose.
Blood starts to run down the face of Davotek as DeNucci goes to jump on him but Davotek rolls out of the way and elbows DeNucci in the back of the head. He connects with a few quick jabs before DeNucci counters with a jab of his own to Davotek’s nose which allows him to jump back up to his feet
Joe Hoffman: DeNucci capitalizing on that injured nose to stop Davotek’s offense.
Davotek climbs back up to his feet and is quickly caught with a left kick to the side of his head which staggers him for a second until DeNucci comes in with another kick with his right foot that knocks Davotek down as DeNucci jumps on him again and this time is successful as he starts hammering punches into Davotek’s head who isn’t even trying to defend himself as Stevens comes in and stops the fight, pulling DeNucci off of Davotek.
Bryan McVay: The winner of this match by first round knockout…The HOW HOFC Champion…. Michael DeNucci!!
Joe Hoffman: First round knockout by DeNucci shows us why he is the HOFC champion.
Benny Newell: I love first round knock outs, can’t handle much more of this MMA stuff.
Joe Hoffman: Well DeNucci takes care of Davotek….how he is going to have to set his concentration on either Bobbinette Carey or Joseph Gregory, as one of those two will challenge DeNucci for his title at ICONIC.
The action cuts backstage as we see a final image of DeNucci making Steven’s put the HOFC Title around his waist..
Heading back stage we see the plain door with the name Mike Best where the name of Lee Best had been in the past. As the camera pans back from the name the face of Max Kael can be seen looking particularly bitter and unhappy. The ICON Title can be plainly seen over his shoulder as Max gives it a quick polish before he grabs the handle to the door and shoves it open.
What was previously Lee Best’s bachelor pad-esque office was not an artistic foray into modern culture. The carpet was not a deep blue with red walls lined with interesting pieces of artwork that reflected aspects of HOW but in a minimalist expressionist form. Pieces of faces, letters and bold colors made the paintings stand out considerably.
Of course the center of the room was dominated by a glass desk with silver metal drawers which glimmered in the light of the two silver floor lamps that stood in the far corners. A flat screen monitor was attached to either sides of the desk pointed toward the person seated there so that they could monitor the show from various different views and angles. And who should be behind the desk? None other then Mike Best himself in his customary blue suit with neatly combed hair and clean shaved face.
Mike looked toward the door with a surprised look on his face as Max Kael burst in and proceeded toward his desk.
Mike Best: Max, I really don’t have ti-
Max Kael: You have time for me! I am your ICON Champion and you’re treating me like some common scum. I was fined 500K, would you like to explain Why!?
The brother of Lee Best leveled a calm stare at Max before he sighed and shrugged his shoulders.
Mike Best: No, not really.
Max Kael: That’s what I tho- Wait.. what?
Mike Best: No Max, I don’t feel like discussing that right now or really ever. You know exactly why you were fined, you in here because you want to try and see if you can push me around.
The Prime Minister of Maxopotamia takes a long hard look at Mike Best with a frown on his face before his eyes wander down toward the desk. Max quirks an eyebrow.
Max Kael: ..Ricky Martin?
Mike Best: What?
Max Kael: Do you have a Ricky Martin CD on your desk?
Mike looks down and sees that there is in fact a Ricky Martin sitting on his desk. Picking it up he drops it into one of his metal draws and closes it.
Mike Best: What, I think his music has a certain kind of timelessness to it. That’s not important right now, what is important, Maximillian Kael, ICON Champion, is that you are ready for your match tonight and that you find a way to co-exist with at least two other members of the Roster.
The ICON Champion looks confused for a moment as Mike mentions that he must get along with at least two members of the roster.
Max Kael: What the hell do you mean, what are you talking about?
Mike Best: Next Turmoil I think it would be a treat to have a Champions Vs. Challengers Tag Team Match.. I see Max Kael, ICON Champion teaming with Tag Team Champions Twisted Reality, whoever that may be by next Thursday, taking on Shane Reynolds and Brothers of the Beast, all challengers for their respected divisions titles at ICONIC. What do you think, Max?
Max looks shocked, mortified even as he clutches his ICON Championship.
Max Kael: I don’t like it! I don’t like it at all! I shouldn’t have to face Shane Reynolds before ICONIC! That’s crazy, that’s stupid, that doesn’t even make sense! You want your ICON Champion hurt before ICONIC?! I.. I.. this is ridiculous!
Mike Best: Good, I am glad you approve now if you could please remove yourself from my office. You have a match coming up and I don’t want my ICON Champion running late.
The two stared at each other for a moment before Max snarled and spun around, exiting the office. Mike watched him leave before he reached into his office desk and pulled out the Ricky Martin CD eyeing it.
Mike Best: I swear that man will drive me Loco.
Next week ICON Champion Maximillian Kael and The Tag Team Champions Twisted Reality take on Shane Reynolds and Brothers of the Beast in a huge 6 man tag team Main Event!
Mid Card Madness
We return from commercial and quickly the action cuts to the Parking Lot where The Maurako Family are laying the boots in on someone right next to a car. The camera zooms in and finally identifies the person as Roxie. Matteo starts to pull The Maurako’s off of Roxie and then yanks Roxie up from the concrete and holds her arms behind her back as Mario lays a couple of hard slaps across her face.
Mario: This isn’t a place for a lady. You should be at home barefoot pregnant and making sandwiches for all the guys in the locker room.
Finally Matteo releases Roxie and Mario grabs her by the hair and slams her face first into the trunk of the car. Mosé hands Mario some sort of giant stamp and Martino flips Roxie over onto her stomach. Martino and Mosé grab a hold of Roxie’s arms and legs so she can’t resist as Mario slams the over-sized stamp down onto the lower back of Roxie. Mario lifts it up and the camera zooms in to see a small HOW logo followed by the word “Mid-Card”. The camera then pans up to see that Matteo has also removed the license plate from the car and replaced it with a new one which also reads “Mid-Card”. Martino then opens the back door as Mario picks Roxie up from the ground and flings her into the back of the car. Martino slams the door shut and somewhere you can just hear the Whack-o-Meter click over to number 1,031.
The family begins walking away heading to their stretch Hummer laughing and applauding each other for a job well done, when suddenly the Hummer explodes into a giant fireball which sends the entire family tumbling down to the concrete. Mario gets to his feet and begins to look around and then sees Mike Best and EMBOSSER quickly moving towards them. Mike Best and Embosser reach The Maurako Family and Best signals for Embosser to hold up.
Mike Best: You want to be a Champion again Mario? And you think you can do that by beating innocent women? I’ve already got people beating children on my shows and I’m not going to allow this kind of behavior to continue anymore.
Mario Maurako: What are you going to do Mike? You can’t have us hauled off to jail. We have diplomatic immunity remember?
Mike Best: Oh I remember Mario. I don’t have to have you hauled off to jail to send you a message. What I am going to do is this; Next week you are going to take part in a match in the basement of the Best Arena.
Mario Maurako: WHAT!?
Mike Best: That’s right next week you’re in the basement where your family can’t help you, and you’re going to go one on one with one of your opponents at ICONIC.
Mario Maurako: Who? I’ll destroy any of them.
Mike Best: Mr. Cool!
As soon as Mike Best spits the name out Matteo Maurako is nailed right in the head with an egg. The camera follows the direction the Egg came from and we see The Egg Bandits hurling Eggs from the top of the Best Arena. The Maurako Family and Mike and Embosser scurry from the scene as they are pelted with eggs from above as Turmoil goes to the announce team.
Jatt Starr vs. Ethan Cavanaugh
We return from commerical break as Ethan Cavanaugh can be seen making his way down to the ring to a lackluster response from the crowd. Just the same he climbs into the ring and poses as Benny Newell mentions how Thanksgiving is just a week away and he expects Joe to get him a keg of beer shaped like a turkey. Joe doubts his capacity or want to get a turkey shaped keg much to the bemoaning of Benny.
Jatt Starr is next out as the crowd gets on its feet in thunderous applause for the King of Grapple from the Big Apple. Jatt plays up the crowd as he makes his way down to the ring while Joe mentions how well loved Jatt Starr is by the Chicago crowd. Benny mentions it might be because everyone in Chicago is a moron save for Lee Best who is presently in prison. Jatt climbs into the ring as Referee Matt Boettcher signals for the bell.
Ethan and Jatt circle each other before tying up. Jatt is forced into the corner before Matt manages to call a clean break. Ethan backs up however he charges in once Boettcher allows the two to engage again. Jatt dodges out of the way as Ethan runs chest first into the turnbuckle and stumbles back out. Jatt takes advantage and rushes forward..
Jatt covers Ethan..
Bryan McVay: …..WINNER: JATT STARR IN 12 SECONDS!
Jatt gets up to his feet as Matt Boettcher holds his hand up and the crowd goes nuts. Joe mentions how Jatt still represents some of the best qualities of a HOW wrestler while Benny questions if maybe Ethan was drugged as Turmoil cuts to commercial..
Official sponsor of the new
“Singularity” by Doctor Steel tears into the arena as two large Maxopotamian flags unravel on the stage and wafts in the breeze. A spot light shines down on the center of the stage as Max Kael makes his way out, ICON Title glistening over his shoulder while his sharp, hawkish face smirks out at the crowd. Turning to look at his ICON title he smirks and turns back down toward the ring walking down slowly.
The crowd boos the reigning ICON Champion as he stalks down to the ring slightly hunched over with a possessive grasp on the title. Slipping into the ring, Max Kael produces his own personalized Maxopotamia Microphone. Pulling his microphone up to his lips “Singularity” fades out.
Max Kael: I am Maximillian Kael, Prime Minister of Maxopotamia and reigning ICON Champion! Not only am I the Reigning Champion but I am THE ICON Of High Octane Wrestling. I am the face and I am the reality of HOW and there is nothing anyone can do about it! I’ve been beaten, I’ve been left for dead and dropped off a cliff but I KEEP COMING BACK!
The crowd rallies a series of Boos aimed at the ICON Champion as he screams his self stylized resume as the one true ICON.
Max Kael: Over the last few weeks there have been complaints that I have heard, both in the back and outside of HOW about who and what I am. Mike Best has seen it fit to fine me 500K for my behavior and for the actions I have taken against other members of the roster. Fined me for being what I am, fined me for being exactly what each and every one of you festering idiots has made me.
The cries of “You Suck” being to echo in the arena as Max Kael once again pulls his ICON title up on his shoulder apparently ignoring the chants. Suddenly the booing and chants get drowned out by some distant rumbling noise. It suddenly becomes apparent that cheers are actually being piped in over the boos as Max Kael holds his hand up and waves.
Max Kael: No cheers necessary, I simply do all that I do for you and most importantly for me. For now it appears that you people are satisfied that I am the GREATEST ICON Champion and the ICON of HOW but there are still a few sticklers in the back. A few tagnuts who just.. well.. they can’t keep their little mouths shut. They think maybe I’ve been vicious, demented, insane, evil and in some cases a little bit of a monster.
Pulling his title off his shoulder, Max Kael set it on the mat and looked toward the entrance ramp with a sneer on his face as the piped cheers. Clearly however the fans are visibly angry and booing quite loudly.
Max Kael: Do any of you have a problem with me?! Do any of your degenerates have a balls to actually DO something about everything that I do? Sure Mike Best can fine me but piss off on that, you guys have a problem with your ICON Champion? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
Lifting his hands toward the ramp motioning for anyone to come out Max snarls once again.
Max Kael: DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Come on you fucking wretches, DO SOMETHING! I’m right here, come down to this ring and let me know just how badly you think of me! I’ve got Shane Reynolds and Graystone ready to bury me six feet under you think I am scared of any of you twiddle dinks!? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! You want to wrestle me? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! You want to stop me from running people over? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! You want to save da widdle childwen?! DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
The crowd continues to roar there boos as loudly as they can however the piped in cheers continue to drown it out. Max shook his head and picked up his title, slinging it over his shoulder before he looks back out into the crowd.
Max Kael: Cowards. Each and every single one of them. They want to disagree with me.. step up to the plate, bang your chest.. and prepare to get run over by a Maxopotamian Tank. Shane Reynolds knows what that’s like. Graystone knows what that’s like. And at ICONIC.. the world will see it happen all over again. And I can promise you this.. come Mayhem each of you, each and every one of them will learn just how low I.. can go.
Max leaves a dark tone on the last part of his threat before he cuts off the mic feed and the peoples boos are allowed to once again overtake the arena as the piped cheering ends.
Trying this again…cannot have enough Budweiser Women!!
Max Kael vs. Chris CK
Joe Hoffman: Main event time Benny, Chris CK and Max Kael going one on one. And while we went to commercial and during that heiness attack by Mid-card Mario Maurako, Max Kael has stayed out her at ringside and has been going around the ring fan to fan and asking them to step up and do something.
Benny Newell: And none of these people have had the balls to do shit.
Joe Hoffman: Well one man that will have no problem stepping in the ring with Max Kael is Chris CK. He beat Jatt Starr in his HOW debut and then went on to beat Trent last week on Turmoil. Tonight he tries to make it three in a row by taking down the ICON champion in this non-title match.
”Numbered!” by The Devin Townsend Project starts to play as the HOW arena erupts in cheers as Chris CK makes his way out onto the stage and down to the ring.
Bryan McVay: The following non-title match is scheduled for one fall. Now making his way to the ring from Toronto Canada and weighing in at 230 pounds….Chris CK!
CK slides into the ring as Max Kael slides in from behind and attacks CK with a clubbing blow to the back of his head as the referee Joel Hortega calls for the bell to start the match.
Joe Hoffman: Sneak attack by Kael gets this match off to a sour start as Max is just stomping away at CK.
Benny Newell: CK knew Max was at ringside, he should have been more aware of him.
Max finishes stomping away at CK and pull him to his feet as he whips into the corner and follows it up with a clothesline as he starts chopping away at CK chest, each one easily being heard up in the cheapest seats of The Best Arena. Max finishes with his third chop as he pulls CK out of the corner and whips him into the ropes and goes for a forearm smash but CK ducks the shot and as Max turns around he plants him with a spinebuster in the middle of the ring and goes for a quick cover.
Joe Hoffman: CK close but Kael gets the shoulder up.
Benny Newell: Ya, but close doesn’t mean shit….Drink!
CK pulls Max up to his feet and plants Max in the middle of the ring with a DDT as he rolls him over onto his back as he then makes his way over to the corner and starts to climb the turnbuckles as the crowd starts cheering. CK turns from Max and quickly leaps off the top and hits a huge moonsault on Max as he again hooks the leg for a pin attempt.
Joe Hoffman: CK is keeping on Max, which is exactly what he has to do to beat a man like Max Kael.
Benny Newell: Drink!
Frustrated that Max kicked out CK pounds on the mat and then lifts Max up again and attempts a German suplex but CK battles out and drives an elbow into Max’s face as he slides out of the ring and makes his way over to the timekeepers table where he grabs his ICON title.
Joe Hoffman: What does he think he is going to do with that?
Max re enters the ring but Hortega is right there to stop Max and take the title from him. Max easily lets go of the belt as Hortega leans out of the ring to hand the title back to the timekeeper as CK charges at Max, who ducks a CK punch and kicks him right between the legs.
Joe Hoffman: Come on ref! Pay attention to the action in the ring. Kael just hit that low blow when Hortega’s back was turned.
Benny Newell: If the ref didn’t see it, then it didn’t happen.
With CK dazed Max goes for a spinning neck breaker that he connects with as now Max goes for his first pinfall attempt of the night.
The crowd erupts in cheers as CK somehow kicks out which leaves Max in complete shock as he tries to argue with Hortega, but gives up when he can’t understand anything Hortega is saying. Max grabs CK by the hair and pull him up and starts to set him up for his finisher The Singularity, but CK counters and pushes Max away and then grabs onto him and hits a belly to belly suplex that sends Max sailing across the ring. Max stumbles back up to his feet and gets a boot from CK in the stomach and CK hits his single arm DDT, laying Max out.
Joe Hoffman: Killed Cold by CK! This match is over Benny.
CK rolls Max over and drapes his arm across the chest of Max for the pinfall.
Seems Max is able to get his foot on the bottom rope as Hortega stops the three count just inches from the mat. CK can’t believe it, as he has hit his finisher and still can’t end the match.
Joe Hoffman: Max Kael saved by the skins of his teeth on that one.
Benny Newell: Dri…..dri…..
Benny passes out as his head slams into the announce table. In the ring CK lifts Max back to his feet and goes to attempt another Killed Cold, but Max is able to block this one and hit a European uppercut followed by a rake to the eyes as he grabs CK head and hits The Singularity on CK as he collapses to the mat and lays his arm across CK.
Hortega calls for the bell as “The Singularity” by Doctor Steel plays and boos fill the arena as McVay announced the winner of the match.
Bryan McVay: The winner of this match in 9 minutes and 39 seconds….The HOW ICON champion….Max Kael!!!
Joe Hoffman: Max just edges out a victory in this match where Chris CK pushed Max to his limit and thats all the time we have tonight folks….for Big Buff Benny Newell I am Joe Hoffman and we will see you next week for the final Turmoil before ICONIC!!!
FADE TO BLACK
Just minutes after Turmoil has gone off the air we are treated to some bonus material. We see Scottywood sitting up in the rafters of The Best Arena on one of the catwalks. His feet are hanging over the edge as he is talking on his iPhone which is laying on the catwalk with the speaker phone on.
Scottywood: So then he goes and books Max Kael, myself and my new tag team partner in a tag team match against Shane Reynolds and The Brothers of the Beast.
From the phone we then hear the unmistakable voice of one man.
Lee Best: Max must have been fuming mad after hearing that.
Scottywood: Oh he was, and so am I. Why should I even have to fight until ICONC?… Especially against that deranged wacko Shane Reynolds.
Lee Best: Could be worse, you could be locked up in a jail cell and not even be able to watch your own show.
Scottywood: Touché….So you wanted to talk about a proposition you had for me?
Lee Best: Ah yes. Well your well aware of our long past of working together. I brought you into The Best Alliance very early in your HOW career where we had a great run. We ran into a small hiccup, but then you realized again that I was the man you wanted to be aligned with. And while others like Aceldama jumped ship when I was being arrested, you stayed true and still backed me.
Scottywood: Well HOW is your fed, plus I absolutely can’t stand Mike Best.
Lee Best: Well then you’ll love this then, plus it will be your ultimate chance to impress me, which when I am acquitted and regain control of my company, will be remembered.
Scottywood: So what do you have in mind?
Lee Best: Is there anyone else around you?
Looking up at the cameraman nervously standing up on the cat walk he picks up the phone and turns the speakerphone off as he holds the phone up to his head.
Scottywood: Your good now.
We can only hear a very muffled sound coming from the phone which can’t be understood by anyone but Scottywood, who as Lee is talking his eyes start to grow very wide and a sick smile starts to overcome his face.
Scottywood: That may sound like one of your best ideas ever.
The muffled sound of Lee’s voice can be heard again as Scotty starts to nod his head and agree with whatever Lee is saying on the other end.
Scottywood: I am defiantly up for it, I can’t wait till I see Mike Best’s face. He is going to be so pissed. So I’ll head over to the prison tomorrow and we’ll iron everything out, and I can fill you in on the rest of what happened on Turmoil.
Pausing again as Lee says one last thing to Scottywood who now stands up on the catwalk, looking down at The Best Arena which is now empty and we see the ring crew starting to clean up around the ring area.
Scottywood: Ok, Later Lee.
He hangs up the phone and places it back in his pocket as he walks towards the camera and chuckles as he pats the cameraman on the back.
Scottywood: Mike Best thinks he can fuck with Scottywood….well he is soon to be the one who gets fucked.
END OF TRANSMISSION
The Best Arena