Thursday Night Turmoil
May 13th, 2010 – #HOW122
Target Center, Minneapolis, MN
The Best Opening..
The HOTv logo flashes briefly across the HOV, followed by the logo for High Octane Wrestling itself as the lights come on in the Target Center. Explosions of pyrotechnics and fireworks emanate from the entrance way and stage, signaling the beginning of another edition of Thursday Night Turmoil, the first one to take place outside of the Best Arena in longer than most people can remember. The camera begins to slow pan around ringside, first showing off the chuckle worthy “DREAM Wrestling” logo in the center of the canvas of the wrestling ring, and then displaying the packed crowd and various hand crafted signs the fans have brought into the arena.
Mario Slapped Me And All I Got Wuz This Lousy Comp’d Seat!
Max Kael Hit Me With A Golf Cart
Where The Fuck Is John Sektor?!
Kostoff Smashed My iPhone
Truth + Justice + A Sweet Ass = Christopher America <3<3<3
The camera pans over the ring area briefly, before cutting to the commentary table, where screaming fans can be seen trying to get their faces on television behind the premiere commentators in professional wrestling today, Joe Hoffman and Benny Newell.
Joe Hoffman: Hello everyone, I’m Joe Hoffman here with Benny Newell, LIVE from the Target Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota! We’re bringing you another action packed edition of Thursday Night Turmoil, folks, and tonight is a very special night. Mike Best announced last week that he would be taking Turmoil across America, and it starts here tonight! This is only the first stop on the road to Capital Punishment, so be sure to keep your eye on HOWrestling.com for future announced locations– we could be coming straight into your home town!
Benny Newell: And remember, folks– bring your old Uncle Benny a bottle of booze, and get a free HOW t-shirt from the concession stand– tell ’em to put it on White Mamba’s tab. Joe, I gotta say this– I’ve been in Minnesota for three days and I’m already sick of hearing about fuggin’ tornadoes. You’d think people would have something more to talk about! We had like, eighty of ’em in Illinois at the beginning of this month, but you don’t see us cryin’ about our trailers on national television.
Joe Hoffman: Could you be less sensitive, Benny? Thousands of people have lost their homes– thirty nine tornadoes touched down in Minnesota last week, with a total of sixty one over the tri-state area… this is a national tragedy. A national tragedy, in fact, which hometown favorite Mario Maurako has spearheaded this week with a campaign to restore power to two thousand lucky families that have been touched by this horrible series of natural disasters. In addition, a good number of the seats purchased in this arena tonight are actually courtesy of The Marvelous One himself, both for victims of the tornadoes this past week and also the– uhm– the Sara Bareilles incident. Though we had originally believed the Best Alliance to be making an early appearance here tonight, with some kind of an important announcement, I’ve just received word from the production truck that Mario is going to be joining us here in a few seconds to explain a little bit more about the recovery efforts.
No sooner has Joe finished speaking than “The Good Life” by Three Days Grace blasts from the sound system of the Target Center, sending the live crowd into a cheering frenzy for their hometown hero, Mario Maurako! The fifteen thousand plus crowd gets on their feet, screaming for The Marvelous one as his entrance video begins to play on the HOV– however, no Mario.
Instead, the fans are treated to, well, nothing– at least at first. The seconds turn to a full minute, with no stirring from the entrance way. One minute turns to practically two. Finally, the fans begin to leave their seats again as someone does indeed make their way out from behind the curtain– Max Kael. The crowd begins to boo, expecting obviously to see the man they all paid– or at least some of them paid– to see tonight. Max, however, barely acknowledges the crowd at all– he unfolds a newspaper from underneath his arm and begins making his way down the ramp, reading the headlines as he saunters toward the commentary booth. Kael takes a seat between Benny and Joe, putting on a headset and setting the paper down in front of him.
Mario’s music continues to play, but the cameras cut away from the HOV, back to the Joe and Benny in the booth.
Benny Newell: Well thank God, you’re not Mario at all.
Max Kael: I could be– perhaps. But no. I am not Mario Maurako. However, as the Prime Minister of Maxopotamia and it’s head of relations for its peace treaty with the Maurako Islands, it was quite befitting that I be present to hear Mario’s State of the… Union… Address.
Joe Hoffman: Well, welcome to the booth Max– certainly we weren’t expecting you, but maybe you can shed a little light on where in the hell Mario Maurako is right about now?
Max Kael: Mario wouldn’t miss this opportunity for the world– he’ll be here.
Joe Hoffman: Well, folks, I’m not quite sure what’s going on — we may be having some technical problems, but the production truck and Max Kael have both assured us that Mario is scheduled to appear. Right now, we can only wonder– oh, oh my God–
Hoffman stops his announcement, a look of horror coming over his face as the cameras quickly pan back to back to the ramp area. Mario has indeed made his entrance into the Target Center, but he isn’t in any condition to make an announcement. Bloody and broken down, Mario Maurako practically falls through the curtain and onto the steel ramp below the HOW, the only thing covering his expressionless, unconscious looking face being a mask of crimson and multiple lacerations. He doesn’t actually fall to the ground– the two men holding his arms are careful to keep him elevated enough to show his motionless, helpless body off to the capacity sold out crowd. Ryan Faze and Mark O’Neal, two of the four current members of the Best Alliance, heave Mario a little higher into the air, each taking one of his arms over their shoulders to support the bulk of him.
As the crowd in Minneapolis slowly realizes what has happened, they begin to scream obscenities down upon O’Neal and Faze, furious over the assault on their hometown hero. Ryan and Mark barely seem to mind the attention– in fact, they seem to be grinning.
Joe Hoffman: Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize on behalf of High Octane Wrestling for what you’re seeing here tonight. I know we cross a lot of lines in HOW, but this is just a travesty. Mario Maurako is a hero– an absolute hero– for what he’s done for Minnesota and its community. The Best Alliance is making an absolute joke out of his efforts… this is outrageous.
Benny Newell: Outrageously enter-fucking-taining, Joey boy! Save the trailer trash, save the whales, save the Sara Bareilles fans– I for one hope they beat the fucking good will right out of that sappy idiot!
Max Kael’s eyes grow wide, as he lifts the newspaper back up to cover his face from witnessing the attack on his peace-treaty designated ally. His voice is chipper and frantic as he attempts to change the subject.
Max Kael: Say, chaps, did you hear that there was an earthquake in Toronto a few days ago?
The only thing thicker than the hatred emanating from the crowd in the arena is the drip-drop puddle of blood forming beneath the former World Champion’s face and upper torso, as he head slumps down toward the floor. His eyes have practically rolled into the back of his head, as he struggles to keep from passing out from the pain and blood loss. Mario is quite obviously unable to defend himself, or even move on his own at the moment. This is fortunate– as the man who steps next from behind the curtain is a man who wouldn’t normally feel so safe in the presence of The Marvelous One.
Joe Hoffman: Well now this makes perfect sense– welcome to the Target Center, Mike Best. This is deplorable.
Max Kael: This truly IS deplorable, Joe! Would you look at this weather report? High eighties all week, and humid! My locks are going to curl like no one’s business– and it’s really hard to justify straightening your hair as a man.
Mike Best pulls off his stuffy looking blazer as he steps through the curtain, sliding it off both his arms and using the jacket to clean some of the blood on Mario’s face and chest– it’s almost as if he wants to show off the wounds that have been inflicted on the latest victim of the Best Alliance. With a sinister grin, Best pulls the microphone he had tucked into the back pocket of his dress slacks out and into his hand, loosening his tie with his free hand.
Mike Best: Ladies and gentlemen, seriously, let’s give it up for Mario Maurako!
Faze reaches for Mario’s left arm, holding it up into the air as if he’s just won some kind of award. O’Neal begins to chuckle, coughing to cover it up as Faze waves Mario’s hand around, making it look like he’s waving. The fans eat it up like the most bitter of treats, their boos getting even louder as the members of the Best Alliance are practically beside themselves with glee.
Mike Best: Oh, come now Minneapolis– that’s no way to greet the man who comped a great deal of your seats tonight. That’s no way to welcome a Minnesotan HERO, is it? No– I think you owe Mario Maurako a great deal of respect for what he’s done for your state over the course of the last few days. Handing out generators, attempting to bully me into shooting HOW stocks into the shitter all in the name of cleaning up your sullied trailers and overturned outhouses. Mario Maurako deserves your praise, not this– this blatant outpouring of HATE. He deserves better than a group of people like you.
What can he expect but more booing? And that’s exactly what he gets.
Joe Hoffman: They weren’t booing Maurako– they were booing this savage attack on their most valued hometown athlete. This is bullshit.
Benny Newell: Shut up, Joe. Me and Max are trying to read here! I wonder what this week’s political cartoon is…
Max flips the page on the newspaper, as he and Benny continue to ignore what’s going on near the entrance way.
Mike Best: Fine, if none of you are going to pay Mario his proper respects– possibly his LAST respects– then I have no choice but to do so myself. I personally wanted to come out here tonight to thank Mario Maurako for everything he has done for HOW– and even more me personally. After all, as the acting chairman of High Octane Wrestling, Mario’s strengths help me put food on the table. As you can see, Mario leads by example– willing to bleed for the business that he loves. Willing to cry real tears– willing to lie helpless on the backstage floor while Ryan Faze, Mark O’Neal and I give him the kind of beating most people wouldn’t be willing to take. Would I be willing to take such a beating? Can’t say that I would. That is true loyalty to the business– that is loyalty to the fans. But most of all, I have to thank Mario– and in an effect, Christopher America. See, I think I’ve been going soft as of late. No erectile jokes, please, I assure you that I’m being sincere. I think this corporate lifestyle was turning me into– well– kind of a pussy. My father wouldn’t approve of me simply threatening to fire Mario Maurako when I heard he was bringing in a group of Super Friends to help take down the Best Alliance. He wouldn’t want me arguing incessantly with guys like Mario and Chris over whether or not I could BAN unionization in High Octane Wrestling. My father is a man of action– he expects the same from me. And so with the guidance of Mario and Christopher America, I realized something this week–
He glaces down at Mario, giving him a little pinch on the cheek before slapping him on the back of the head.
Mike Best: –Christopher America is right. High Octane Wrestling has always been a place where the inmates rule the asylum. I can’t just go and make some arbitrary rules about who can and cannot create a unified front within my company. I can’t go threatening everyone who poses a threat to the success of the Best Alliance with termination, or a stripping of their titles. So thank you, Christopher America– and especially you, Mario Maurako. It is only through our intellectual debates that I remembered that I’m not just a company frontman– I’m an enforcer. And tonight, as you can all see, the Best Alliance has enforced its dominance over the industry of professional wrestling. Mario Maurako threatened that dominance– he threatened to rise against us– and for that, you can all see what happened. He’s a mess. He’s a joke. And now, ladies and gentleman, Mario Maurako is leaving the building. Mr. Faze, if you would be so kind as to do the honors?
As if on cue, Max Kael covers his ears down in the commentary booth– prompting Benny Newell to do the same thing. On the ramp, Mark O’Neal holds Mario up on his own, practically hugging him from behind to balance the weight. Faze lets out a sneer, giving Mike Best a little nod as he reaches down off the ramp, collecting a steel chair from near the guard rail. Steadying himself for the kill shot, Faze rears back with the steel chair, lining up the swing…
Joe Hoffman: Dear God, Faze– don’t do it. Please, don’t do it.
The chair makes a thunderous impact against the side of the face of Mario Maurako, who practically flips sideways at the force of the impact. He falls into a heap, helplessly laid out by a superstar swing from Ryan Faze. Without stopping to let Mario’s body even attempt to absorb the impact, Faze swings the steel chair as hard as he can overhead, bringing it down with massive force on top of the fallen former World Champion. Mario is at last completely unmoving, barely a twitch coming from his lifeless body as a snarl escapes the mouth of a very satisfied Ryan Faze.
Mike Best: Good God. That was awesome.
The blood is no longer leaking out of Mario Maurako– it’s pouring. Without missing a beat, Mike Best drapes his bloodied jacket over top of Mario, as if he nothing more than a corpse.
Max Kael: Oh hey, looks like the Best Alliance is having a meeting– it’s been swell, folks, thanks for having me. You can keep the paper, Benny.
As if on cue, Max Kael stands up from the commentary table. He begins to march back up to stand with his stable mates, now that Mario is safely covered and out of Max’s field of vision.
Mike Best: Do not let Mario’s sacrifice here be in vain, denizens of High Octane Wrestling. This is not my father’s company anymore– at least not for the time being. He was a push over, a sucker for an extra two points on the ratings, a good steak, and a blowjob. He could be bought. But this is my HOW now. This is my show. This is my rules, my way. And this is not the Lee Best Alliance you’ve become so fond of over the years– this is the Mike Best Alliance. The men you see standing here by my side today– Ryan Faze, Max Kael, and Mark O’Neal– they are the past, present, and future of High Octane Wrestling. They are not just my employees, they are my brothers. They are my family. And I will protect my family by any means necessary. I will protect my business by any means necessary. I will protect my SELF… by any means necessary. Welcome to the beginning of a new era in High Octane History, ladies and gentlemen… and have a ‘Marvelous’ evening.
Maurako begins to push himself up to his hands and knees, albeit very, very slowly. With no guilt in his eyes, Mike Best rears back and kicks him as hard as he can in the ribs, stomping down on his head several times with force. Kael looks away, fluttering his eyelashes toward the crowd, until the beating is safely finished– and then happily joins the rest of the Best Alliance, as they saunter back through the curtain. Mario Maurako lies motionless, the camera panning in on one of the more gruesome scenes in HOW’s recent history, before cutting away to commercial.
Kostoff is on a warpath…..and the path ends at Mike Best
The scene cuts to the backstage where Missy Andrews is standing outside an unmarked locker room.
Missy Andrews: Ladies and gentleman… I am just moments away from interviewing HOW Hall of Famer….
Suddenly Graystone walks into frame, wearing the ICON title around his waist. Missy is startled.
Missy Andrews: Oh… Uh… Graystone.
Missy Andrews: Well… What are your thoughts on the match tonight when Mike Best takes on John Eric Peter Watson to name the number one contender for the HOW ICON Title?
Graystone: Well Missy… it seems to me that Mike Best wants to recruit John Eric Peter Watson to drink the Kool-aid. And by all accounts, I bet that Kool-aid looks mighty tasty from where JEPW stands. But I’ve got something that I want to say to Mr. Watson… I’ve been where you’ve been. It may be the attractive thing to do considering your circumstances, but be careful. I’ve learned a million times over that you should never abandon your values to achieve success.
Missy Andrews: Any predictions on who you think will win tonight?
Graystone: You want my thoughts? Here’s my thoughts. I know that back in January someone from the Best Alliance was responsible for that heinous attack that left me out of action. I came back to find out who that was, and as far as I’m concerned… every damn one of them is responsible for what happened to me. My hope for the outcome of the match is that a member of the Best Alliance wins so I have the opportunity once again to bring justice to HOW by preventing the Best Alliance from succeeding.
Missy Andrews: Isn’t that bold? To take such a stand against the Best Alliance? After all, Mike Best is running the company now…
Graystone: Missy… There comes a time in everyone’s lives where they have to stand up for what they believe in. You know what I believe in? Justice. I believe in wrestling for a company that honors the best performers. I believe in wrestling for a company that cares about the health and well-being of it’s wrestlers. I believe in wrestling for a company that is rid of the corruption that Lee and Mike Best have planned. Mike Best does not deserve to be running this company. Lee Best does not deserve to be running this company. This company should be ran by an honest, forward-looking individual that believes in liberty and justice for all it’s wrestlers. Not just the select few who get on their knees and worship the “Best” family name.
Missy Andrews: Well… I…
Suddenly the locker room door opens behind the two, and Missy Andrews and Graystone look back. HOW Hall of Famer Chris Kostoff emerges, and the door shuts behind him. Missy Andrews backs away off camera as Kostoff stares at Graystone.
Kostoff stands silent.
Graystone: I never got the opportunity to thank you.
Chris Kostoff: Thank me?
Graystone: At WAR Games, you did something that I’ve been waiting to do for a long time. You powerbombed Lee off that boat and took him out. It was time that he paid for what he did… and I am glad that justice was served at your hands. So… Thank you for coming back and showing everyone that you’re not going to let Lee’s tyranny continue.
Chris Kostoff: Yeah…
Graystone: And… I also wanted to commend you on standing up to Mike Best last week. You and I both know that Lee transferring power to him is complete bullshit, and that he’s going to do everything in his power to make our lives living hell…
Kostoff stands, staring at Graystone.
Graystone: I’m sure this is all stuff you already know. But… I want to take this time to extend my hand to you. From one Hall of Famer to another… to let you know that I’ve got your back, and that I am fighting the same fight that you are… and that I will not stop until the mission is complete.
Graystone extends his hand to Kostoff. A mixed reaction is heard coming from the crowd in the background. Kostoff looks at Graystone’s hand, then accepts the handshake. The crowd pops in the background.
Chris Kostoff: Let’s do this.
Chris Kostoff vs. Kelly Flawless
Back at ringside, “Dragonfly” by Shaman’s Harvest kicks in throughout the speakers, indicating that Thursday Night Turmoil is ready for its first match of the evening. Upon hearing Kostoff’s theme music and seeing him emerge onto the stage, the Minneapolis fans erupt into an explosion of cheers for the Hall of Famer’s return to the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Listen to this crowd, Benny! They are amped for the in-ring return of Chris Kostoff!
Benny Newell: Whoopdee-fucking-do, Joe! You know what I’m amped to see?
Joe Hoffman: What’s that, Buff?
Benny Newell: Kelly Flawless destroy the asshole responsible for putting Lee in a behavioral clinic.
Already in the ring, Kelly Flawless paces back and forth in nervous anticipation as he watches Kostoff approach him and slide into the ring. As he does this, Flawless ambushes the big man with boots as Joel Hortega quickly calls for the bell. Kostoff laughs, abruptly ending the only offense Kelly Flawless can hope for tonight. Chris catches the boot of KFlaw, ripping it off his foot and proceeding to beat the fuck out of him– with his own boot. Again. And again. And again and again and again. Fucking beaten with his own shoes.
Joe Hoffman: Wow, that’s an old fashion shoe beating there. Haven’t seen one of those since the rise of the Southern territories.
Benny Newell: Oh Jesus, it’s like the Holocaust. Just go somewhere happy, Benny… just go somewhere happy…
Flawless begins to run, a horrified look on the face of the once-hyped but now fruitless Flawless as he backs away from the big man, tripping over his own feet in the process.
Benny Newell: Oh, fuck…
With a wide grin etched across his face, Kostoff simply laughs at his “Victim” as he towers over him, delaying the curtain jerker’s fate even longer and putting fear into the man’s soul.
Benny Newell: Lookout!
Joe Hoffman: ‘NO REMORSE’ BY KOSTOFF!
Having swiftly secured his opponent for his Sit-down Powerbomb finisher, Kostoff plants Kelly Flawless in the center of the ring; right onto the DREAM Wrestling logo that Kostoff notices disapprovingly.
With a furious scowl, Kostoff leads to take his aggression out on Flawless, who with one Kostoff Powerbomb, appears extremely dazed and confused.
Joe Hoffman: Well, it looks like Kostoff isn’t quite finished with Kelly Flawless. Not just yet… OHH!!! Gutwrench Suplex! And another! Kostoff is simply annihilating Kelly Flawless here on Turmoil!
Benny Newell: And the fans are fucking loving it! Have some fucking heart for God’s sake! Aw, fuck it… DRINK!!!
With Benny’s infamous call, Kostoff hooks the leg for a decisive “Uno, Dos, Tres” in his anticipated return to HOW action.
Bryan McVay: Here is your winner by way of pin fall in 1:25… KOSTOFF!!!
Standing up and over his opponent, Kostoff smirks at the cheers he receives from the crowd before looking down at Flawless, shaking his head in shame. Before long, he hocks in deeply and spits it out on Kelly, who lays motionless in the ring for several moments before Kostoff hoists him over his shoulder.
Joe Hoffman: Well, Kostoff disposed of Kelly Flawless in convincing fashion, but it looks like he’s literally taking out the trash as we take the action backstage, where Shane Reynolds is standing by!
Benny Newell: Wait a second Joe, this isn’t over yet…
Kostoff begins to descend the ring stairs, but stops and smiles as “Superstar” by ToyBox begins to play over the sound system of the Target Center. Mike Best steps out of the entrance way, looking less than pleased with the prodigal KFlaw.
Mike Best: Well, it’s safe to say you’re fired, Flawless. Actually, better yet, you’re not fired– you’re my official Bottom Bitch. Congratulations, Kelly– you’re my fucking Black Mamba. I should be rescuing you from Chris Kostoff– I should be coming down there and stuffing an iPhone so far up Kostoff’s ass that Apple will NEVER get reception on that fucker. But I’m not going to do that– I’m going to let him eat you, Kelly. Chris Kostoff, if you would like to eat Kelly Flawless– you have my blessing.
The Kostoff doesn’t seem amused. Even a little bit. The crowd, however, seems big on the idea of the Blonde Bomber being devoured like a new age couiple’s placenta.
Mike Best: Congratulations, though, Chris. You managed to win your first match back– now it’s time to crank things up. You wanna get a hold of me, Kost-Co, it’s going to take a little more effort than slapping my bottom bitch around. Next week, in the– SHOCKER– opening match– you’re be taking on the Best Image Consultants. That makes it a handicap match, don’t worry, I’ll save you the fast math. And for the sake of keeping things fair and interesting…. hmm… we’ll make it a lumberjack match. The Best Alliance will be more than happy to make sure things stay on an even keel. Goodnight, Chris– enjoy your meal.
Best salutes, quickly turning away and half jogging behind the curtain as the camera cuts away.
Shane and the Citizen
Returning backstage, a camera makes a traditional sweep as he drifts along one of the many corridors of Target Center. Unfamiliar territory since Turmoil previously opted to remain solely at home in Chicago, but a change quickly accustomed to by the backstage crew seen either hard at work or milling about in amassed conversation as the camera streams passed.
???: And then I said, that’s not a glass eye. That’s Jatt Starr’s missing testicle!
The words emerge from one such group gathered to the left, spoken in a voice as deep and melodious as Barry White’s. A huge wave of laughter follows, resonating from each amassed individual and echoing down the corridor. They are still laughing when, of all people, Cyril the Compact Citizen takes this cue to leave. Stepping backwards, he appears from within the amassed circle from beween the legs of a female technician. A clipboard held firmly in his hands.
A broad smile adorns his face as he slaps his hands together twice in a show of proud accomplishement before heading along the corridor himself, moving swiftly in a miniature suit in the vain of an old-school professor, complete with a bow-tie.
The camera gave slow pursuit, weaving through the corridors a few feet behind Cyril, until he once again disappeared. This time through a gap left in a locker-room doorway. The camera did its duty and went straight up to it and peered in. Cyril had stopped a little way in and his eyes were fixed on the back of a man standing in front of a mirror. Long-blonde hair cascading down over his shoulders.
Cyril the Compact Citizen: What’re you doing?
The man turned in a bout of sudden shock at the sound of the voice, predictably revealing themselves as Shane Reynolds. From the front, the blonde wig is accompanied by a bandana wrapped around his head, displaying a name which fills the ringside area with cheers: KOSTOFF!!
Shane Reynolds: Nothing.
The hair swished up and from side to side as Shane shook his head. The rest of his attire also now seen as matching Chris Kostoff’s.
Cyril the Compact Citizen: Why are you wearing that?
Shane threw his hands up, annoyed, as though he had been through this a thousand time….before turning back to the mirror.
Shane Reynolds: Because time’s running out. There’s only so long before all, this niche-finding business becomes tiresome, before it becomes old hat. I need to find it now, yesterday even.. Before it was easy, follow around the supposed elite and garner pointers.
Shane sighed, tilting his head towards his shoulder – a strange look for a current pseudo-Kostoff impersonator. Before turning his eyes to the championship currently fixed above the mirror in front of him, hanging on high as though to bestow him wisdom and inspiration.
Shane Reynolds: But now I need to center my attentions more on the LSD division, past and present, if I’m to find my gap in the market as well as become the greatest LSD champion. So I look to David Black, the longest-reigning LSD champion in memory…
He pauses to the costume he had previously tried on, comprised all in black and matching the sort of look David Black generally goes for.
Shane Reynolds: But I just kept thinking, ‘been there, done that’. So then I went for Silent Witness.
He turned his head this time in the other direction….to an empty chair.
Shane Reynolds: But if he’s silent then his merchandise line is invisible. Couldn’t find any pieces anywhere, even on forgottensuperstarmerch.com. It’s like he never existed.
Then he turned back to the reflection of the Chris Kostoff staring back at him, without, obviously, the quite-so-hulking muscle and the intense gleam in the eyes that said, ‘I’m gonna choke you to death with a cordless phone if you so much as breath the same air as me’.
Shane Reynolds: And on top of all that, I’ve been studying LSD match after match to see just what the fans want and enjoy from them. I need to make my mark on all fronts. But arghhh, I just don’t know…
Shane tugged at the hand in blazing frustration, almost pulling the wig off – if not for the fact he was holding it in place with the other hand at the same time.
Cyril the Compact Citizen: Well, he’s here tonight, you know?
Shane Reynolds: Who?
Shane asked, his eyebrow quirked, unseen beneath the blonde locks.
Cyril the Compact Citizen: Kostoff, he passed by here earlier on his way to the opening match.
Shane Reynolds: Well, why didn’t you freaking say that sooner? Rather than standing there and letting me rabbit on dressed like this. He’d beat me to death with my own shoes if he saw me right now.
Shane tore the wig off immediately, releasing his own dark, flowing main from beneath, and then tossed it out of sight into a nearby open locker.
Cyril the Compact Citizen: He’d probably be a bit more creative than that…
Shane snapped, turning with a disbelieving look in his eyes and stared towards his miniature, immitation companion.
Shane Reynolds: Well, unless he has a spare aircraft-carrier in his pockets to powerbomb me from, he’ll probably just make use of whatever’s around. My shoes being a likely choice, even more likely with my feet still inside them.
Shane brushed his hair back from his face, feeling the sweat of stress on his brow and attempting to calm himself.
Shane Reynolds: Anyway, nevermind…forget Chris Kostoff and what I’ve been doing. Did you do it?
Cyril nodded, while not prompting a laugh as he had with the crew-members but a faint smile.
Shane Reynolds: You used the joke….and in your Barry White impression?
Cyril nodded again.
Shane Reynolds: Gr—Wait a minute! Did they–
Cyril the Compact: They laughed….and signed.
Shane Reynolds: Aha! Great!
Shane reached out and took the clipboard from him, his eyes scanning down over the attached piece of paper.
Shane Reynolds: That puts us one step closer to ultimate popularity and in making sure the abomination in Washington never gets to happen. You did good, old friend…and will be more better known that Louis the Little Person in no time.
Cyril the Compact Citizen: You mean you don’t still wish he was helping you, rather than me?
Shane sighed again, sensing the all-too-clingy tone in Cyril’s voice. Thinking that Louis would have spoken or asked a question like that.
Shane Reynolds: Of course not. How many times do I have to tell you: after what happened last week I was merely attempting to gather a posse for the sake of protection. As back-up, to save me from further embarrassment and humiliation, at the hands of that cumstain, Ryan Faze. But I’ll deal with him tonight…myself if I have to. And, while the idea of a posse is still on the table – and I’m waiting for the RSVPs from Erites Kallisten and Zachariah – Louis’s place no longer exists.
Shane smiles down at his small companion, who looks back at him, still feeling ill at ease. Shane reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder.
Shane Reynolds: It was wrong of me to break that piece of pool cue over my knee and shut you in that room together. It was a stupid idea!
Cyril the Compact Citizen: Only because he told you to go and fuck your mom and then escaped.
Shane Reynolds: And I wittily replied that she was dead, in order to make him feel bad.
Cyril the Compact Citizen: But he said then that he already—
Shane Reynolds: Sssh! That’s neither here nor there. I’m stuck–I stuck with you, because you’re the superior mini-man for the job. Now run along and get yourself out there and help with the Tornado clean-up in my stead. I’ll need to get this lot packed away, look over the list of names you gave me and get some last-minute match preparation done.
Cyril nods for the last time and quickly heads out of the room. Leaving Shane to pick up the amassed outfits and costumes and head over to the nearest locker. Pulling it open, he couches down and throws it all into a back. Before then standing up and having his eyes greeted by the sight of a pool cue, hastily duct-taped together in the center, fastened against the back wall.
Shane Reynolds: Just in case he changes his mind.
Shane said and shut the door, muttering out of view that it was ‘back to the drawing-board’, as the scene fades and cuts away….
Bobbinette “Queen B” Carey vs. White Mamba
Back from commercial and we see Bobbinette Carey as she paces the ring, the fans turn toward the stage as “Ice Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice hits the speakers, producing none other than James “White Mamba” Ranger from the curtain and onto the stage.
Benny Newell: Ha-ha! I love it! White Mamba is the laughing stock of HOW… not like it’s much different from when he was Black Mamba, but still. It’s just fucking amusing…
Joe Hoffman: Well let’s see if he can right the ship, so to speak, after a recent string of losses here in HOW. He’ll have a tough task against HOW Hall of Famer and former World champion, Bobbinette Carey…
As Mamba slides into the ring, Carey wastes no time as she knocks him down immediately with a Double Axe Handle that she’s trademarked as her ‘Royal Crowning’.
Joe Hoffman: Carey forcing the action early here against White Mamba.
Benny Newell: YAWN! Wake me when it’s over, Joe….
Allowing Mamba to her feet, Carey ducks under a Clothesline and flies off the ropes, lunging forward to secure her opponent in a Handspring Hurricanrana/Pinning Combination.
Joe Hoffman: ‘Royality Check’ on Mamba! It’s like he never stood a chance!
Bryan McVay: Here is your winner by way of pin fall in 0:32… BOBBINETTE CAREY!!!
Joe Hoffman: Uh… Benny? You can wake up now!
Benny Newell: Huh? What? Are you fucking kidding me?!? I barely closed my eyes!
As referee Matt Boettcher raises the arm of Bobbinette Carey, the action cuts backstage.
The cameras cut to an unknown location in the backstage area, where David Black is seen standing alone, facing the camera. The area is only very dimly lit, so as to obscure the exact location.
David Black: Surprise!
He says, holding his arms out to his sides.
David Black: That’s right ladies and gentlemen, The Black has arrived in Minneapolis, despite the many clever and underhanded attempts initiated by Christopher America, to keep me from being here tonight.
He nods his head.
David Black: Christopher America. Last week I watched as you walked triumphantly to the ring after being introduced as the new HOW World Champion. I watched and heard as you stood in the ring and talked about being the world champion. And I heard the fans chant and cheer their approval of you. Indeed the story of Christopher America seems to have gotten a fairytale happy ending, as you have risen through the ranks from pointless nobody, to HOW World Champion.
He pauses briefly.
David Black: On the outside it seems that everything is coming together for you, Chris. Top guy in the company, the people are behind you. But Chris…what do you think those people would say, if they knew what I know about you? Do you think those people would cheer for you, or chant your name, if they knew the lengths you went to, to keep me from showing up here? Would they still love you, do you think?
He pauses again, letting the question hang in the air for a bit.
David Black: You see, Chris, while you have been moving on up to the east side, I have gone from being the longest reigning LSD Champion in the history of HOW, to being somebody that nobody counts as anything. When I was the LSD Champion, EVERYONE said that it was only a matter of time before I would become the ICON Champion. They said that I was perhaps too good for the LSD division. But as soon as I lost the title, people forgot all about me. And even though I have been around, I have stayed forgotten since that day.
But then something happened last week. I beat Max Kael moments after he was declared the new number one contender to your title, and suddenly, low and behold, I find myself booked to face the HOW World Champion himself, the high and mighty Christopher America.
He says, with a hint resentment in his voice.
David Black: Now I am not kidding myself, I’m not thinking that I will get a world title shot if I beat you tonight. But if I beat the HOW World Champion the week after I beat the number one contender…then people will HAVE to start talking about The Black again. I am sick and tired of being overlooked, and I hate…I hate, I hate, I HATE being called “The most underrated guy on the roster”.
He cringes, with a look of disgust on his face.
David Black: So tonight, Christopher America…the fairytale, dream come true existence that is your life right now, will come to a screeching halt, when you are beaten by the guy who nobody believes in.
Suddenly the lights come on in the room and a voice is heard off camera.
Voice: Hey! What are you doing down here?
David lets out a shriek and runs off as the cameras cut away
WORLD TITLE MATCH MAXIMILLIAN KAEL VS. CHRISTOPHER AMERICA© LSD TITLE MATCH
RYAN FAZE VS. SHANE REYNOLDS©
Carmen Jennings vs. Crow
Joe Hoffman: Folks, welcome back to Thursday Night Turmoil! If you’re just joining us here tonight, you’re going to want to stay glued to your television set… especially after everything we’ve witnessed thus far.
Benny Newell: Seriously. Can we get a replay of the Best Alliance’s complete and total destruction of the “Not-So-Marvelous” Mario Maurako?
Much to Benny’s delight, the production monkeys in the back construct the requested footage on the HOV, which prompts Mario’s hometown fans to hiss and jeer mercilessly.
Benny Newell: Ha-ha, yes! DRINK!!!
As the replay disappears, the footage cuts back to Joe and Benny at ringside, who gear us up for what’s next on the show.
Joe Hoffman: You have to wonder how Mario’s injury will affect the Tag Team match scheduled later in the program. Will Shane Reynolds go at it alone against the Best Alliance tandem of Mark O’Neal and Ryan Faze?
Benny Newell: Does it matter? He’s probably cutting himself as we speak! There’s no way he stands a chance against the “Phenomenally Explosive Duo”.
Joe Hoffman: Well that certainly remains to be seen, but right now, it’s time for more High Octane action here on Turmoil!
With the obvious cue for the next match, “I’m So Sick” by Flyleaf hits the speakers, bringing Carmen Jennings out from backstage to some boos from the Minneapolis fans. Wasting no time heading towards the ring, Carmen slides inside and pops to her feet with a focused expression as she waits for her opponent.
Benny Newell: I’m pretty sure I’m in love, Joe.
Joe Hoffman: You? In love? Benny, there’s a fine line between love and lust, which I’m not quite sure you understand, or will ever understand for that matter.
Benny Newell: Shhhh, Joe! She’s stretching…
As Joe rolls his eyes, attention turns towards the stage when “Come With Me” by Puff Daddy kicks in, only for it – and the house lights of the Target Center – to cut out unexpectedly.
Benny Newell: What the fuck, man!?! Carmen! It’s ok… Benny will take care of you.
Joe Hoffman: It appears we’re having some technical difficulties here, ladies and gentlemen. We apologize for the del-
Before Joe can finish his sentence, the lights return to show CJ standing over a bloodied, beaten-down Crow in the center of the ring.
Joe Hoffman: What the-?!? But how?!?
A buzz is heard in the Target Center as confusion abounds on how Crow appeared and who is responsible for his attack. Despite this, Carmen Jennings stands over her opponent smirking, as if she has the answers that everyone – announcers and television viewing audience included – is looking for.
Without wasting anymore time, she places a foot on the chest of her opponent and motions over to a conflicted Joel Hortega to make the count. Hortega appears hesitant at first, but immediately drops to count the pin fall upon further demand from CJ.
Bryan McVay: Here is your winner by way of pin fall in 0:03… CARMEN JENNINGS!!!
Boos rain down on Carmen from the crowd, who remains still in her stance to apply pressure on Crow’s chest. Suddenly….
Joe Hoffman: Oh come on, not again– Mike Best has no place interrupting the show like this every time he sees fit.
Benny Newell: Well, he’s the owner now Joe– he kind of does.
And indeed, Mike Best has emerged, marching his way down to the ring with a proud, confident strut and holding a Best Alliance t-shirt in his left hand. He rolls into the ring, wiping the dust off his slacks and standing up to shake the hand of Carmen Jennings, who has just won a match in nearly record time. The boos continue to rain down from the crowd, who don’t like where this is going– not one bit.
Best snatches the microphone from McVay, pressing it to his lips with a sneer.
Mike Best: Congratulations, Carmen– congratulations indeed. I have to say, there is nothing I like better than watching Crow get his ass kicked– over, and over, and over, and over. And you have succeeded in keeping me happy for tonight. Now I know that you and my father– well, you didn’t quite see eye to eye. But this is a new regime, and a new Best Alliance– and I think that tonight, in the Target Center, I have decided on the next member. See, the Best Alliance has a long tradition. It always has a woman. This woman is seductive, sexy, and smooth. She’s an asset to the company, and to the Alliance– and folks, I think it’s time.
Carmen begins to blush slightly, pushing her chest out a bit as she realizes where this is going. The crowd is going fucking ballistic.
Mike Best: And as a reward for joining the Best Alliance here tonight, I’m even going to give you a match I know that you’ve been waiting for– in fact, you’ve been waiting for it for a LOOOOONG time. So without further ado, I’d like to introduce to you all the newest member of the Best Alliance…. KIRSTA LEWIS!
The crowd stops booing. Shock fills the arena, as Carmen’s eyes grow wide in horror. Best smiles, but it’s already too late for Carmen to run as she’s taken down from behind. A returning Kirsta Lewis, who has jumped the guardrail, slides into the ring and tackles Carmen Jennings, smashing her face into the canvas. The crowd roars, now firmly behind Carmen Jennings as both Mike and Kirsta begin to put the boots to the fallen woman, kicking her in the head and ribs and everywhere they can fit a big fucking toe. With a smile, Best raises the arm of Kirsta Lewis, handing her the Best Alliance t-shirt that Carmen indeed thought was for her.
Mike Best: I know you’ve been waiting to get your hands on this piece of Euro-trash for a long time– she stole a win from you at March 2 Glory, and I’ve sat by idly for a long time and done nothing. But here tonight, I’m making it official– at Capital Punishment, you get your hands on Carmen for the last time… and you pick the stipulations. Welcome to the Best Alliance, gorgeous.
Turmoil cuts to a commercial as a shocked crowd is buzzing after what just went down.
Where all the white women at?
White Mamba: FUCK you, Uncle Tom asshole. I’m not singing a damn thing.
Darren Washington chambers a round on his nine millimeter pistol, twirling the gun around on his finger before pointing it back at White Mamba. Ranger stands alone near the sink in the washroom of the Target Center, ringing towels out over the dirty water and hanging them back onto the line. He stares Washington down, swallowing as he debates his options– there is only one.
White Mamba: SWIIIIING LOOOOOOW, SWEET CHARIOOOOOOT, WASHIN’ TOWELS FOR MY BOSS MIIIIIIIIKE….
He stops, a scowl coming over his face as he slaps another soaked towel onto the line.
Darren: I didn’t tell you to stop singing, motherfucker.
White Mamba: This is ridiculous. And why can’t I use the washing machines? There is no reason I should be–
Washington fires off a warning shot, costing the Best family a good chunk of change as plaster drops from the ceiling and down onto the floor.
White Mamba: SWIIIIING LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW, SWEET CHARIOOOOOOT, WASHIN’ TOWELS FOOOOOR MY BOOOOOOOOSS MIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE….
Washington smiles, giving a high five to Sidney Black as the camera cuts away.
We return from backstage with the camera just looking at Joe Hoffman who is wide eyes and completely speechless.
Benny Newell: You took that like a pro Joe…. And you have never looked better in a bikini.
Joe Hoffman: ……….
Benny Newell: Well let’s head from one whore, Joe Hoffman, to another whore, Missy Andrews…. Have a drink Joe.
Backstage in the Best Arena we see Scottywood sporting his official NHL referee jersey which has the NHL crest replaced with a HOW logo, along side HOW reporter Missy Andrews.
Missy: Scottywood, after your debut last week as the official referee for all Best Alliance matches you have gotten a lot of criticism from HOW fans as being very bias towards The Best Alliance, what do you have to say to those critics.
Scottywood: This is why you’re only useful with a cock in your mouth…. Seriously, who the fuck cares what the critics are saying. Lee is paying me a handsome sum to be a referee and because of that your damn right I will be bias towards the BA. Like in tonight’s tag team match. Mario and Shane might as well not even show up because I will do whatever I have to make sure that Ryan and Mark walk away victorious.
Missy: You want your cock in my mouth?
Scottywood: ……After the places it has been? Fuck no.
Missy: Well then since your dawning the referee jersey for the BA, does this mean that the wrestling career of Scottywood is over?
Scottywood: For the time being Missy, you and the HOW fans won’t see The Hardcore Artist in the ring. So Shane Reynolds can feel safe holding onto the LSD title and America can have a long reign as HOW World champion. But mark my words Missy, Scottywood will return to the HOW ring at some point before ICONIC 2010, and by the end of the year their will be gold around my waist again.
Missy: I could be blow your waist right now.
Scottywood: For the last time, I don’t need to be fucked by Lee’s whore. I am married to a woman who will actually still fuck me each night.
Frankie: She can be below my waist.
We see Frankie walk into the shot and just look at Missy who looks back at him and the two are locked in a awkward stare for a moment.
Missy: No thanks, I draw the line freaks shows.
Frankie: Hey! I’m not a fre….
Scottywood: Fuck this… I’m heading out to the ring. And I wonder why no one takes me serious.
Frankie: Because you sit down to pee?
Scottywood: Because I hang out with you!
Mark O’Neal: Did I just see Joe Hoffman getting fucked by Black Mamba?
Scottywood: If you can call that fucking…. Looked like something Frankie would do if he could ever score with a woman.
Mark O’Neal: Missy won’t even fuck him?
Scottywood: She surprisingly has standards… go figure.
Mark O’Neal: Missy…. Standards…. My head hurts.
Scottywood: Let’s just head to the ring then before your head explodes.
With that Scotty and mark leave the locker room as Frankie just continues to awkwardly stare at Missy…
The HOV goes black as the scene ends and then suddenly a random video begins to play…
Finally a new HOR airs next Wednesday as Big Cuntry takes on Scottywood in a Krazy Karokee
Mario Maurako & Shane Reynolds – 0% vs. Ryan Faze & Mark O’Neal
Tag Team Match
Back to ringside, the Best Alliance tag team of Mark “The Explosive” O’Neal and “Phenomenal” Ryan Faze are seen in the ring; O’Neal poised and ready to compete while Ryan leans lazily against the ropes, his ribs wrapped tightly from injuries sustained at War Games and the Turmoil prior.
Suddenly, “Dead Man Walking” by Bloodsimple begins to play, turning the hostile Minneapolis crowd into cheers as the LSD champion appears on the stage.
Joe Hoffman: Well Buff, it’s hard to believe that Shane’s really going to compete here tonight. In the absence of his tag team partner, Mario Maurako, this match has quickly turned from Tag Team to Handicap rules.
Benny Newell: Which means Shane is fucked more ways than Ron Jeremy in a room full of Hustler centerfolds!
Joe Hoffman: Uh… well put, Benny. Anyways, on the heels of the LSD title match booking at Capitol Punishment, Ryan Faze must be drooling over this opportunity to weaken the man that took his title at War Games.
Benny Newell: You mean stole the title at War Games! Shane Reynolds won by a fluke and you know it, Joe!
As Shane Reynolds carefully enters the ring, O’Neal and Faze try to avoid the trash being thrown at them from the crowd from their earlier attack on hometown favorite, Mario Maurako. This proves to distract the two and Shane is quick to capitalize, knocking Faze out of the ring with a devastating Clothesline and tackling Mark O’Neal to the mat with a flurry of punches to follow.
As the appointed referee for all matches with Best Alliance members, Scottywood intervenes and quickly pulls Shane off from behind, only to be tackled himself and
Joe Hoffman: Like it or not, Shane Reynolds is facing a tremendous uphill battle, fighting 3-against-1 here… OHHHH!! Low blow on Scottywood!
Benny Newell: Disqualification! That’s a fucking disqualification!
Keeling over in pain, Scottywood rolls under the ropes and out of the ring, joining Faze on the outside who helps Scottywood to his feet.
Joe Hoffman: Shane Reynolds going high risk! SUICIDE PLANCHA! SUICIDE PLANCHA!
Bouncing off the ropes on the opposite end of the ring, Shane Reynolds leaps over the top rope and onto Scottywood and Ryan Faze, delighting the fans with a twisting mid-air maneuver that proves to even up the sides – albeit temporarily.
With Faze and Scottywood down on the outside, Reynolds hurries to his feet and slides back into the ring, where Mark O’Neal immediately greets him with a Belly-to-Belly suplex. Popping to his feet, O’Neal applies a quick head lock that Shane counters into one of his own before planting the “Explosive One” with an Inverted DDT.
With Scottywood slow to recover on the outside and not likely to count a pin fall in Shane’s favor anyway, Shane scolds his predicament until referee Matt Boettcher slides into the ring.
Joe Hoffman: One! Two!! NO! Kick out by Mark O’Neal! Boettcher arrives, perhaps getting some retribution on Scottywood for the Game Misconduct he received last week!
With no time to waste, Shane pops to his feet and ascends the turnbuckles, eyeing the slow-to-his-feet O’Neal for what will likely be a Missle Dropkick. Unfortunately for Shane, Faze intervenes from the outside and pushes him off the turnbuckle, where he lands groin-first and split-legged on the top rope.
Benny Newell: Atta’ boy, Faze!
Hopping to the ring apron, Faze barks at Mark O’Neal to capitalize and motions towards Shane, who is favoring his privates as he sits in place on the ropes. Sure enough, the “Explosive One” notices their opponent and rushes over to secure Shane by his head, dropping to the mat with a Rope-hung DDT!
This time, it’s O’Neal with the cover but Reynolds kicks out on 2, leaving both Best Alliance teammates frustrated at his persistence.
Joe Hoffman: Well with Shane Reynolds down, there’s no wonder that Faze would call for a tag here.
Dragging Shane Reynolds to their corner, O’Neal indeed slaps the tag to Faze who gingerly steps through the ropes, still favoring his ribs as he was pre-match. Though, upon seeing Shane Reynolds essentially being fed to him, Ryan’s pained expression turns to rage as he connects with successive Leg drops across Shane’s throat.
Gasping and begging for air, Shane can barely fight back as Faze toys with his pay-per-view opponent, slapping him with jabs and quick shots to the forehead.
Joe Hoffman: Boy, these fans aren’t taking kindly to the Best Alliance tonight… and rightfully so after what they did to Mario!
Benny Newell: What goes around comes around, Joe. Mario got tonight what he’s deserved now for years!
After some additional toying from the “Phenomenal One” Faze moves in for his ‘Fazeplant’ finisher, but is surprised to find Shane drop down behind him and counter into a Schoolboy roll up!
Joe Hoffman: One! TWOOOOO!! NO! Scottywood breaks it up!
Just as Joe describes, the “Hardcore Artist” yanks the leg of Boettcher, who was on the pin like a hawk until Scottywood dragged him out of the ring. Blasting Boettcher with a powerful right fist, Scottywood enters the ring where he started and saves Faze from any further rib injury by catching Shane Reynolds and ‘SDT’ing’ him to the canvas.
Benny Newell: DRINK!!!
Joe Hoffman: Oh, come on! Shane should get a penalty shot!
Understandably, there’s silence in the announcer’s booth after Joe’s pitiful attempt at humor. As Benny simply glares at his Hall of Fame broadcast partner, Faze – favoring his chest and mid-section – tags in O’Neal, who was itching to get some more licks in on the LSD champion.
Climbing immediately to the top rope, O’Neal connects with his ‘Explosive Drop’ Frog Splash finisher on Shane, who cries out in pain from the impact.
Benny Newell: The cover!
Joe Hoffman: Aaaaaand… it’s over!
DING ~ DING ~ DING!
Bryan McVay: Here are your winners by way of pin fall in 7:03… MARK “THE EXPLOSIVE” O’NEAL and “PHENOMENAL” RYAN FAZE!!!
Joe Hoffman: Wait! What is this?!? Go figure! Yet another 3-on-1 beatdown from the Best Alliance!
With Scottywood counting the quick pin on Reynolds, he’s quick to join O’Neal and Faze in laying the boots to Reynolds, who lies helpless in the ring as they do so.
That is, until…
Joe Hoffman: Kostoff and Graystone!
Benny Newell: WHAT?!?
Joe Hoffman: Kostoff and Graystone have come to save Reynolds!
Charging down the entrance ramp, the fan-favorite Hall of Famers storm the ring, intent on evening the sides. Fortunately for the Best Alliance, they were quick to notice them and able to flee their way out of the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Well the Best Alliance may have taken this match, but Shane Reynolds nearly overcame the 3-on-1 disadvantage! Regardless of the outcome, the LSD champion put up one hell of a fight!
Benny Newell: Please. The B.A. dominated, just as we expected them to. I don’t know what the fuck match you were watching, Joe, but the one I saw was a dominant display of ability from Mark O’Neal and Ryan Faze. Those two simply cannot and will not be beaten.
Joe Hoffman: Oh? Like they were in the Tag Team title Gauntlet match?
Benny’s silence takes us to the back, where Christopher America is standing by.
Missy Andrews: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest at this time…… HOW World Champion, Christopher America.
The crowd pops loudly as the camera pulls back from it’s focus of Missy and reveals America standing to the right. A sour look is on his face, clearly unhappy with something.
Missy: Chris, many have been wondering what your thoughts are on both the fact that Max Kael is now the new number one contender to the HOW Championship and that one of your best friends, Mario Maurako was taken out earlier tonight.
Christopher, holding his World Title over his shoulder, shifts it slightly before beginning.
Christopher: Well, Missy, I find the new Best Alliance boring and predictable. The Best Family always does this. They always seem to bring about an incarnation of the Best Alliance when they feel that their power is being threatened. What’s more unfortunate is that the Best Alliance has once again brought back HOW’s resident cockroach, Scottywood and enlisted Ryan “The Handicapped Wonder” Faze.
Christopher’s irritation begins to rise.
Christopher: I also find it odd that the Best Alliance is threatened by the former members of the Argonauts of Awesome. First, they’ve tried to recruit “Perfect” Paul Paras. Then, they take out Mario Maurako.
You know, Missy, Isaac Newton was wrong. For every action there is NOT an equal and opposite reaction. No…. for every action, there’s escalation and I’ll prove it next week.
Christopher shifts his focus from Missy directly to the camera.
Christopher: As far as Max Kael is considered, well, I have a special message for Max. You see Max, you have a list of things that you need to check off to prove that you are better than Jatt Starr because in your twisted logic, you need that to validate yourself. But I have a list of my own. My list involves me beating every single active Hall of Famer currently in HOW. I’ve beaten every single one…. except you. I’m going to ensure I complete my list and retain the HOW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP…. IN AMERICA!!!
Christopher walks off for his match as Missy looks on and we cut to commercial.
WORLD TITLE MATCH MAXIMILLIAN KAEL VS. CHRISTOPHER AMERICA© LSD TITLE MATCH
RYAN FAZE VS. SHANE REYNOLDS© LSD NO.1 CONTENDERS MATCH
CARMEN JENNINGS VS. KIRSTA LEWIS
David Black vs. Christopher America
Back from commercial, the Turmoil picks up with David Black and Christopher America in the ring, standing nose-to-nose with each other as Matt Boettcher favors the bandage on his forehead from his earlier encounter with Scottywood.
The ‘U-S-A’ chants from the fans in Minneapolis is about as intense as the confrontation in the ring as the two established High Octane superstars look coldly into each other’s eyes.
Finally, the sound of the bell forces the action as Black is first strike the World champion. America – staggering backwards from the blow – is quick to return the punch however with an ‘American’ one of his own as the fans trade boos and cheers with each punch in succession.
Joe Hoffman: Well folks, I can’t think of a better way to welcome you back to the show as you see David Black and the HOW World champion, Christopher America, battling it out in the center of the ring!
The exchange continues on before Black’s right hand proves to be a bit more effective, forcing America backward and into the ropes. Using the forward motion as leverage, Black leans in and whips his opponent across the ring, where America is quick to return into the Spinning Heel Kick from the former LSD champion!
With a lateral press, Black attempts the first pin fall of the match that Boettcher is a tad bit slow to follow through on, still feeling the effects of Scottywood’s fist.
Joe Hoffman: A delayed one-count for David Black, who doesn’t look happy with referee Matt Boettcher’s right now.
Using David’s frustration with the referee to his advantage, America jabs an American thumb to Black’s eye as he turns and then quickly turns it into a American Fisherman’s suplex with a cover of his own. The crowd cheers out for him as he hooks the leg of Black, who kicks out after a much-more timely 1.5 count from Boettcher.
Joe Hoffman: Quick paced action here in the early going of this match, which has tremendous implications for both men, be it for different reasons.
Benny Newell: Who cares about these dickheads? The real story of the night is the complete and utter dominance by the Best Alliance. If Lee were here, he’d be proud… you know, aside from the whole DREAM ring and all.
As both men rise to their feet, the crowd shows their approval for the aforementioned fast-paced action and cheers them on, craving more. After a brief stand-off, America and Black lock up with America spinning behind with a Hammerlock, wrenching David’s arm until his hold is reversed. With Black now in control, America reaches out towards the ropes and quickly grabs hold of them, forcing Boettcher to step between.
Once again, this infuriates Black, who shouts in the face of Boettcher until America blindsides him with an American Leg Sweep. Another hook of the leg puts Black on his heels once more, that is until America proves too strong with his force and rolls through into a cradle of his own.
Joe Hoffman: One! Two!! Three-NOO!!!! The World champion powers out!
Benny Newell: No question about it, Joe. Black has come to play here tonight and is threatening to defeat the former World champion.
As if he’s sensed this himself, America again clutches the ropes to hold David off long enough for him to rise to his feet. With Boettcher standing between both men, Black denies him that privilege and drives a knee into his mid-section, doubling the World champion over. This proves to give Black some much-needed momentum that he uses to keep America grounded, stretching Christopher’s targeted mid-section in the process.
Joe Hoffman: America’s in a bad spot here, Benny. Can the World champion overcome his opponent?!?
Benny Newell: I could care less if he does or not. All I know is that Carmen Jennings is Best Alliance now and that I’m totally going to try and get some after the show! DRINK!!!
Having secured America on the canvas, Black comes to find that the support from the Minneapolis fans proves to aid America’s cause; helping to motivate the World champion as he tries to power out of Black’s abdominal submission.
Joe Hoffman: The crowd is rallying behind their champion!
Suddenly, the Target Center becomes electric with cheers as Christopher America reverses the leverage on Black’s submission and pushes him off into the ropes. Expecting Black to bounce off of them, America jumps for an American Standing Drop Kick, only to find nobody home!
Joe Hoffman: Black caught the ropes!
Smirking that he outsmarted the World champion, Black paces forward and punts America with a force so powerful, that even Benny cringes.
Benny Newell: Whoa! Black nearly kicked America’s head right off from his shoulders!
With America back on the defense, Black calculates his next move as Chris crawls towards the corner. Raising a hand into the air as if to call out for his ‘Blackout’ finisher, David stalks his opponent from behind as America uses the turnbuckles for assistance, rising to his feet in time to be driven back down again via Black’s “Codebreaker” finisher.
Joe Hoffman: BLACKOUT!
Benny Newell: It’s over, Joe! America’s done!
Joe Hoffman: Cover by Black! One! Two!! THREE-NOOO!
Benny Newell: Yes! Yes!! Yes!! YEEESSSS!!!….HE DID IT!!
The HOTv comes to life and shows the replay of Black getting the three count just nanoseconds before America kicks out…
Bryan McVay: Here is your winner by way of pin fall in 9:01… DAVID BLACK!!!
Sure enough, Matt Boettcher raises the arm of Black, who doubles over from exhaustion and rolls out of the ring after successfully defeating Christopher America.
Joe Hoffman: What a match! What an upset by David Black, pinning the World champion of HOW!
A shot of Christopher America laid out on his back takes us to commercial break.
Make sure to check out official HOW Affiliate…Political Championship Wrestling!
Your No. 1 Contender
We cut backstage to the parking lot where we see Max Kael seated on his old Emperor Kael throne. The crowd immediately starts to boo as they see Max who scowls at the screen wearing his black suit with Maxopotamian arm band on. His curly black hair sits like a dirty mop on his head while his weathered, scarred face stares at the camera with a cruel expression.
Max Kael: People of High Octane Wrestling, you Emperor is speaking. By the powers of Best, I, Maximillian Kael, am once again your EMPEROR and my word in the parking lot is LAW. I am also your new Number ONE Contender for the WORLD HOW Championship.
At the mention of his position and of his place as number one contender, the boos fire up louder. Max smirks slightly as he hears it even in the parking lot of the arena.
Max Kael: Justly so your Number One Contender. After all let us consider all that I have done for HOW, all that I will do for HOW and all that I, the Prime Minister of Maxopotamia and Emperor of HOW, represent for this company. I was the most dominate ICON Champion in HOW History, I have defeated every HOW Champion of this era and beaten them all in one on one engagements.
His lip twitches slightly as he leans back into his throne and folds his arms across his chest. Jethrol the Janitor makes his way over on the side of the screen and appears to be holding a large broom which he shakes menacingly at the camera.
Max Kael: My personal minions are the most tenacious beings on the planet, loyal warriors who will fight to the death for me! This kind of loyalty is not just purchase, it is earned through the adoration due to me for all I have done. You people boo me from inside of that arena and yet you should be cheering me, you should be adoring me and holding me up as your hero rather then that foul little piss ant Christopher America!
Cheers well up from the inside at the announcement of Christopher America. Max jumps up to his feet at the sound of the cheers, his lip curling up into a sneer.
Max Kael: I AM YOUR EMPEROR! You will be silent until I decree it! Else I shall banish you all from the parking lot or charge you twice over for parking in my domain! YOU SHALL NOT CHEER THAT HETHAN! THAT DISRESPECTFUL PIECE OF GARBAGE! SILENCE! HIS REIGN WILL END SOON ENOUGH!
Once again Jethrol steps forward and menacingly shakes the broom at the screen while Max is literally spiking his words out at the camera. The audience replies with a mix of boos and laughs which further irritates Max as he shoves Jethrol to the side.
Max Kael: SHUT UP! You will all learn just as Jatt Starr learned when I defeated him in our race! There is no reason to even believe that Christopher America has a chance against me! You will respect me! You will honor me! You will recognize me for as your Number One Contender and give me all that is due to me through that! I am your EMPEROR! YOUR PRIME MINISTER AND YOUR SOON TO BE CHAMPION!
Jethrol snuck back onto the screen and violently shook his broom as Max slowly turned and moved back to his throne feeling that he had appropriately spoken down to the crowd as they turned back to booing. A Max Sucks chant begins in the background before the sound of some one barging out the back door of the arena out into the parkinglot. The sound causes Max to spin around as the camera turns to see who it is..
White Mamba is seen exiting the arena in his street cloths with a surprised look on his face as he sees the camera and the Emperor of Maxopotamia sitting on his throne. He pauses for a moment then shakes his head before he heads off into the parking lot.
White Mamba: I don’t need this right now..
Jethrol the Janitor: Halt in the name of Emperor!
Mamba pauses for a moment and stares at Jethrol before he shoves the man wielding his broom at him out of the way. Jethrol stumbles away as Mamba starts to move away..
Suddenly Max Kael flies from off screen grabbing White Mamba by the back of the head ramming his head into a near by car where Mamba’s head bounces off the door leaving a dead before he falls to the ground. Max sends a stiff kick into Mamba’s gut causing him to curl up.
Max Kael: YOU DO NOT TOUCH THE SUBJECTS OF THE MINISTER! YOU DO NOT TOUCH JETHROL!
The number one contender picks up Mamba and slams him off the trunk of the car before glaring down at him as Mamba lets out a groan.
Max Kael: I have taken enough of your disrespect Mamba! You shall be an example for all, an example to Christopher America and an example to any who stand in my way! All can be converted to the way of the Emperor of HOW! All can be shown the light of the Max Kael way!..
He drops down to his knees and grabs Mamba by the sides of the head and lifts him up to stare into his eyes closely.
Max Kael: You will learn.. we will teach you.. I shall show you a better world…
Max’s lip twitches slightly as he looks back up toward the camera. His lips part into a sharp smile as his face contorts into a demonic looking grin, his eyes twinkling in the light.
Max Kael:..a world where Minister makes the rules…
Next week on Turmoil we will see Chris Kostoff take on The Best Express!!
John Eric Peter Watson vs. Mike Best
Back from the final commercial break of the evening, Scottywood is shown in the ring, propped up on one of the four turnbuckles waiting for the Main Event to begin.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back to Turmoil, where it’s about that time, Benny…
Benny Newell: Time for Carmen to come down here and give me a Dutch Rudder?
Joe Hoffman: ARGHHH! No! Can’t you take a Main Event seriously one of these days?
Benny Newell: Hmmm… let’s see. Ninety-nine point nine, nine, nine, nine, nine percent of the time I’m plowed by then, so to answer your question, no… no I can’t.
As Joe rolls his eyes, “Superstar” by Toybox hits the speakers and is quickly drowned out by a thundering ovation of boos enough to shake the walls of the Minneapolis Target Center. Inexplicably, the boos become louder once the Interim Chairman of HOW and former ICON champion Michael Best appears on the stage, looking confident thanks to the successful night of his stable-mates thus far.
Joe Hoffman: There you see the former ICON champion, who demanded this match last week in hopes that his opponent will lie down and join the Best Alliance.
Benny Newell: It’s genius, Joe. John Eric Whateverhisnameis would be stupid to turn down such an offer, which in turn, allows MPlow his ICON title match with Graystone at Capitol Punishment.
Joe Hoffman: I, for one, am interested to see what John Eric Peter Watson decides here, especially since the relative newcomer to HOW has been on such a roll as of late.
Benny Newell: Psshht! That’s only because Lee’s been feeding him jobbers. If he doesn’t lay down tonight, he’s going to get a cold dose of reality facing someone of Michael Best’s talents.
Enjoying the heat that he’s soaking in from the crowd, Best barely avoids a chair that is chucked at him from one of the fans near ringside. Smirking as the spectator is whisked away by security, Best rolls into the ring where he immediately approaches Scottywood.
Joe Hoffman: Well I’m not sure 100 percent sure what Mike is telling Scottywood right now, but judging by his gestures, it appears as if he’s telling him to call this match down the middle!
Benny Newell: Not like that will matter if J-Pube does the right thing.
As Best’s theme music drowns out, its replaced by that of JEPW’s, who emerges from backstage looking poised for his first “real” test in HOW. Charging down the entrance ramp, he quickly enters the ring as MBest golf-claps his entrance, winking for him to “do the right thing” as they make eye contact.
Removing himself from his perch on the turnbuckle, Scottywood climbs down and walks to the center of the ring, looking as if he’s expecting a quick match of “Finger Poke of Doom” proportions. When JEPW makes it clear that it won’t be the case, Best shakes his head disapprovingly and motions to Scottywood to call for the bell.
Once he does, Best lunges at JEPW, who greets him with a collar-and-elbow tie up that results in a stand-still; both High Octane superstars close in weight and strength. Quick to release each other, Best spits out of the ring and springs again, but this time JEPW swiftly executes a Drop Toe Hold, which plants Best face-first into the ring mat.
Joe Hoffman: Excellent move there by Watson, showing his quickness and evasion here in the early going.
Climbing on top of Best, JEPW hooks the arms of his opponent and wrenches backward, driving his knee into the Interim Chairman’s spine for added pressure. Crying out in pain until JEPW releases the hold, Mike rolls out of the ring looking extremely upset and disappointed that Watson didn’t lay down for him.
Joe Hoffman: Let me remind you, folks that this match will determine the #1 Contender for the ICON title. You have to believe Graystone is watching closely as… OH! John Eric Peter Watson with his signature ‘reEvaluation’ running faceplant to Best on the outside!
Sure enough, Watson had wisely followed his opponent out of the ring and executed the impactful Bulldog as Joe described, prompting the fans to cheer out for the newcomer out of surprise for his success early on.
Rolling Michael Best back into the ring, JEPW follows close behind so not to allow the man formerly known as ChristPlow any relief. Grabbing the leg of Lee’s bastard son, JEPW attempts a Single-leg Boston Crab that Best squirms away from, grabbing the ropes which forces Scottywood between the two to allow Best to his feet.
Benny Newell: Alright, Mike! Enough of this already! Finish the guy off so we can hit the bars! Say, Joe… you have any idea what the Minneapolis night life is like?
Joe Hoffman: …
Benny Newell: Oh, right. You’re a fucking loser that has no friends and no comprehension of what going out to party means!
Joe Hoffman: I have friends, Benny!
Benny Newell: Oh yeah?!? Name one!
While Benny and Joe argue, Mike Best has since turned the tables on his opponent with a series of German Suplexes, forcing JEPW to reel in pain. The crowd boos as Michael taunts them, but it only proves to fuel the President of HOW harder as he whips his opponent into the turnbuckles; JEPW meeting them hard, chest-first.
As JEPW falls flat to his back, Best is eager to call for his Crucifix Driver finisher and stalks JEPW, begging him to “get up”.
Joe Hoffman: Best looking to end it right here…
Benny Newell: Do it, Mike! Cap off a beautiful night by the Best Alliance with a win over this curtain jerker!
Michael Best watches as JEPW struggles to his feet, shaking off the cobwebs as he does while using the ropes for assistance. As JEPW stands, Best bends down to place him in the Crucifix position, only for JEPW roll forward into a pinning combination!
Joe Hoffman: Counter!
Benny Newell: NOOO!
Joe Hoffman: One! Two!!
Joe Hoffman: TWOOOOO!! Near fall by Watson!
Scottywood raises two fingers to the air as both men spring to their feet, with Best swinging wildly in JEPW’s direction, only for Watson to duck and spin behind. Pushing him forward to the mat, JEPW applies an intense Camel Clutch submission and secures it in the center of the ring; the former ICON champion screaming out in pain as John wrenches backwards.
Joe Hoffman: He’s got him, Benny! John Eric Peter Watson has locked on his ‘Intellectual Incapacitation’ submission and he isn’t letting up!
Benny Newell: Relax, Joe. Mike just needs to quit fucking with this fool and just win already, dammit!
However, much to Benny Newell’s surprise, Mike Best screams that he gives up, which in turn, forces an equally surprised Scottywood to award the match to JEPW.
Bryan McVay: Here is your winner by way of submission in 12:52… JOHN ERIC PETER WATSON!!!
Benny Newell: WHAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!
With no time to celebrate his much-deserved victory, the Best Alliance storms the ring and prevents any celebration party for the new Number One Contender to the ICON title.
Joe Hoffman: NO! This is an outright disgrace! Haven’t you all attacked enough innocent people for one night?!?
Benny Newell: Shutup, Joe! Or else I’ll have them come over here and do it for you!
Scowling as he watches the stable of Max Kael, Mark O’Neal, and Ryan Faze charge down the entrance ramp, Joe pleads for help as they join Scottywood and Michael Best in the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Bullies, I tell you! The Best Alliance is a bunch of thugs that don’t have anything better to do than pick on people who have earned their time in the spotlight. Will someone please get down h-
As if on cue, the newly-aligned Hall of Fame trio of Shane Reynolds, Kostoff, and ICON champion Graystone hit the ring, chasing the Best Alliance members away before they can do any considerable damage to the victorious JEPW.
Benny Newell: RUN! Fuck… I don’t know about you, Joe, but I’m out of here!
Removing his headset with haste about as quick as the BA flees the ring, Benny rushes to join them as they all hop the barricade and jaw-jack with Graystone, who leans over the ropes as Kostoff and Reynolds assist JEPW to his feet.
Joe Hoffman: Whew! It’s about time someone stood up against the Best Alliance here in HOW! Hold on! WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?
Suddenly, the cheers of the Target Center fans turn to boos once more as none other than John Eric Peter Watson low-blows his “saviors”, forcing them to their knees as the Best Alliance returns to the ring.
Joe Hoffman: You have got to be kidding me! Never since John Eric Peter Watson arrived here in HOW would I have thought he would’ve stooped this low!
With Michael Best back to his feet, he staggers over to JEPW and grabs his arm, raising it into the air as Scottywood, Kael, Faze, O’Neal, and even Benny Newell all team up to beat down on Kostoff, Graystone, and Reynolds.
Joe Hoffman: This is ab-sol-utely sick!
As the cameras pan out we see the Best Alliance standing tall as the crowd reigns down with boos as what might be the most dominant stable in HOW’s history beats down the Hall of Famers as the show ends.