Thursday Night Turmoil
July 9th, 2009 – #HOW63
The Best Arena, Chicago IL
Best Booking on the Fly?
The HOTv logo fades out and we are taken immediately to a nameplate on a door and the crowd inside the Best Arena boos loudly at the site of the name..
Suddenly the door is flown open as we see Lee Best enter his office and with him is none other than Mark O’Neal.
The men enter Lee’s office and Mark runs into the back of Lee as the owner of HOW comes to an abrupt stop as he sees what is going on inside his office.
The camera quickly pans into the office and the crowd erupts as we see the unmistakable back of none other than Chris Kostoff.
Kostoff’s head is tilted towards the sky and we can hear him moaning and cursing under his breath and then the camera pans down and we see what appears to be a woman on her knees in front of Kostoff and as Lee and Mark tilt their heads…as does the camera…we see that it is none other than Kirsta Lewis on her knees in front of Kostoff.
Lee Best: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!!!
Kirsta jumps to her feet quickly and as she does Kostoff curses out loud as he turns to see Lee and Mark in the doorway.
Lee Best: Kirsta???
Understanding what Lee is thinking, Kirsta smiles and smacks Kostoff hard across the ass as she walks towards Lee. Kostoff gives her a smirk as she walks past and then it is Kostoff who is down on his knees as he looking down at the floor inside Lee’s office.
Lee Best: What the fuck is going on…..Kostoff?
Kostoff looks up at Lee as Kirsta makes her way to Lee and she grabs ahold of Lee’s groin and gives it a good squeeze as Lee groans in pain.
Chris Kostoff: I lost my fucking contact…ah there it is..
The camera zooms in to see Kostoff apparently pick up a contact and as he looks back and Lee and see’s Kirsta and Lee in a passionate kiss, he looks back down at the contact.
Chris Kostoff: Ya I have fucking clue whats been on this floor….fuck it.
Kostoff flicks his finger and sends the contact off somewhere inside the office and then turns towards Lee who watches as Kirsta plants a kiss on the cheek of Mark and begins rubbing O’Neals shoulder …which is still feeling the effects of Jobberitis.
Lee then walks up to Kostoff and nods down towards Kostoffs waist.
Chris Kostoff: What?
Lee nods again…this time its obvious that he is motioning towards Kostoffs groin.
Lee Best: Your fucking FLY IS DOWN!
Lee looks back at Kirsta who is smiling back at Lee as she continues to rub the shoulder of Mark.
Chris Kostoff: Oh ya my bad. Must not of zipped up after I used your bathroom.
Suddenly Lee loses all thoughts about Kirsta using her man pleaser on Kostoff and instead focuses on the fact that KOSTOFF of all people used his own personal bathroom.
Lee Best: Excuse me?
Chris Kostoff: Man flying from Tampa is no joke and can you seriously see me taking a shit on a plane? Don’t worry Lee…I flushed twice..
Lee looks as if he is about to throw up as Kostoff walks over to the chair in front of Lee’s desk and takes a seat and throws his legs up on the desk of the God of HOW.
Chris Kostoff: Alright Lee enough about me and my fluids….lets talk trade.
Lee looks back at Kirsta and flips her off as he walks over to his desk and takes a seat and stares over at the man that damn near killed him late last year.
Lee Best: I traded for you for one reason and one reason only….Darkwing. After your altercation with him on the HOR last week it was a no brainer to bring your crazy ass over here to Turmoil and help destroy the fucker that threw my ass out of a motherfucking CHOPPER at War Games.
Chris Kostoff: What about your boys Ace and Shane?
Lee Best: The World and ICON Champions have their own issues going on at the moment although I am sure both wouldn’t mind taking the Duck out for me….but
Chris Kostoff: ….Shane just lost to America and Aceldama couldn’t even beat Duck so you called up the most sadistic motherfucker you know …right?
Lee Best: Something like that.
Chris Kostoff: What about him…
Kostoff turns and points towards Mark who can be seen motioning to Kirsta that the Jobberitis has spread down his body..not up.
Lee Best: Mark??
O’Neal snaps to attention and shrugs off Kirsta as he walks over towards the desk.
Lee Best: Mark, Kostoff here wants a piece of the Duck but you already got him at Capitol Punishment and..
Mark O’Neal: Add Kostoff to the match…Triple Threat. That just means there will be two of us that will be gunning for Darkwing.
Lee looks at Kostoff who nods his approval.
Lee Best: Simple and well..perfect.
Chris Kostoff: One condition..I want this match on my terms…..House of Pain.
Lee looks up at Mark who is now taken a very serious face.
Mark O’Neal: You sure you want that big boy? You know after we take Darkwing out that it will just be me and you?
Chris Kostoff: Mark….we been down this road before and if we are going to have a match with three Hall of Famers in it we might as well go all out.
Lee shrugs as Mark stares a hole thru Kostoff who is returning the favor.
Lee Best: Consider it done. Chris Kostoff versus Mark O’Neal vs. Darkwing in a House of Pain Match at Capitol Punishment….NOW ….Kostoff if you will excuse us..we have some BEST ALLIANCE shit to work out…
Nodding, Kostoff stands up and walks towards the door and he pauses as he reaches Kirsta who is holding the door open for him.
She looks Kostoff up and down and then turns her back towards Kostoff and sticks her ass out and Kostoff smiles before rearing his hand back and spanking Kirsta hard across the ass. Kostoff then exits the office and his laughter can be heard in the hallway as Kirsta shuts the door while rubbing her ass….the whole time smiling.
Lee Best: You whore.
Kirsta turns back towards Lee and smiles…
Kirsta Lewis: So?
Lee and Mark just laugh and then we see Lee pick up the phone and dials a number on speed dial.
Lee Best: Get everyone in here now….and yes…bring her too.
Lee then hangs up the phone and turns towards Mark.
Lee Best: Jobberitis is about to become a thing of the past and we will be able to move on from that shit.
Mark O’Neal: Good….even though I sure didn’t mind…
Lee Best: Mark….watch it…
Mark just smiles at Kirsta as the scene cuts away live to the announcers as Lee, Kirsta and Mark wait for whoever is on their way to Lee’s office.
The cameras zoom in on the announcers, Joe Hoffman and Big Buff Benny Newell, as we are now live inside the arena and the crowd is red hot as Joe welcomes us to the show.
Joe Hoffman: What a way to kick off the show folks. Kostoff, Darkwing and Mark O’Neal will square off at Capitol Punishment in a House of Pain Match and if that is the start of tonight’s special Lee Best Lethal Lottery show…well darn it Benny we are in for one heck of a show.
Benny Newell: This is going to be the greatest pay per view ever and now with the knowledge that Kostoff and O’Neal are going to destroy Darkwing inside the House of Pain…my life is almost complete.
Joe Hoffman: Almost complete?
Benny Newell: Ya someone took something very precious of mine…
Joe looks at Benny’s side of the announcing table and notes the flask, the liquor and doesn’t notice anything missing.
Joe Hoffman: What are you ..
Benny Newell: Never mind man. Just tell the viewers what the fuck is going on..I need a damn drink..
Joe sighs and ignores Benny as he continues with the introduction for Turmoil.
Joe Hoffman: Well folks while Benny is in mourning let me remind me everyone that tonight is Lee’s Lethal Lottery where NO ONE knows who will be wrestling who and literally anything can happen. No one in the back or any of the workers have been told anything and we will literally be finding out things as you the audience does. The only thing that has been confirmed is that Lee Best has a special guest that should be here at any time and could very well be the person Lee is waiting for at this very moment.
Before Joe can continue Nonpoint’s “Breathe” blasts through the Best Arena sound system, and Ethan Cavanaugh appears atop the ramp to a mixed reaction from the fans in the arena.
Bryan McVay: Introducing first, hailing from Lisburn, Northern Ireland, ETHAN CAVANAUGH!
Joe Hoffman: Alright folks it’s time for our first match of the night and Ethan Cavanaugh drew the unlucky opening match spot. This newcomer to HOW failed to take advantage of a weakened Spook last week, but managed to put up a good fight.
Benny Newell: Pfft, good fight. Cavanaugh shoulda won his match and he knows it. Spook was weakened, he had a chance, he couldn’t take it.
Suddenly ‘The Animal I’ve Become’ By Three Days Grace hits.
Joe Hoffman: Darkwing!! It looks like we know our opening bout as it will be HOW Hall of Famer Darkwing taking on Ethan Cavanaugh!
Bryan McVay: And his opponent, hailing from Inglewood, California, DARKWING!!
Joe Hoffman: Banned from the arena last week due to his Hulk Hogan hate…
Benny Newell: And damn right, too. Lee can do what he wants to do, it’s his show.
Referee Joel Hortega checks both men over in the centre of the ring, ensuring that they’re not carrying any hidden weapons, and once inspected to his liking, he frantically gestures at the timekeeper to ring the bell!
DING DING DING~!
The two men square off in the centre of the ring, sizing each other up, as the crowd grows in anticipation of their first wrestling action this evening!
Darkwing, not wanting to disappoint his fans, immediately fires off a right hand to get the match started!
Cavanaugh fires back, and the two men stand in the centre of the ring, exchanging blows, neither willing to give an inch. Darkwing ducks under one of Cavanaugh’s flying fists, popping upwards with a leg lariat!
Cavanaugh staggers back, before Darkwing drives his shoulder into Cavanaugh’s midsection, slamming him back-first into the turnbuckle!
Joe Hoffman: Darkwing with the offence early here.
Cavanaugh looks to stop Darkwing’s momentum, throwing his knee up as Darkwing looks to drive his shoulder back into Cavanaugh’s midsection, but before he makes contact with Darkwing’s head, or ribs, as intended, Darkwing catches the knee and uses it to hoist Cavanaugh atop the turnbuckles.
Cavanaugh, immediately sensing the danger starts firing off right hands at Darkwing’s head, staggering him. Cavanaugh hooks Darkwing up for a Tornado DDT, but it’s too early in the match for such tomfoolery as the Dark One fires off a series of punches to Cavanaugh’s ribs to stop the attempt.
Cavanaugh takes a brief second to take in breath, but this proves to be nothing more than a bad move, as Darkwing takes advantage of the ever so brief lull in the action to leap up and plant both his feet on Cavanaugh’s chest, showing the crowd in the Best Arena exactly what a picture perfect dropkick looks like!
Joe Hoffman: Wow, what a dropkick!
Before Newell has a chance to pass comment on the dropkick,
Darkwing jumps and springboards off the middle rope, to the top rope, before delivering yet another dropkick, this time of the springboard variety, knocking Cavanaugh off his small perch to the mats surrounding the ring! This fires the crowd up in the Best Arena as they all start to immediately get behind Darkwing, chanting his name. Darkwing looks pretty pleased with himself as he rolls out the ring, stopping to pose for the fans at ringside once his feet hit the floor.
Darkwing grabs ahold of Cavanaugh and throws him back in the ring, following him straight in.
Cavanaugh, however, seems to have loved the opportunity to get his wits about him, and clinches his arms around Darkwing’s midsection, throwing him overhead with a release belly to belly suplex!
Darkwing, however, gets straight back to his feet, and charges at Cavanaugh, much to his disadvantage, as Cavanaugh springs forward and drives Darkwing to the mat with a STO, before quickly locking in a D’arce Choke!
Joe Hoffman: TYNESIDE! Ethan Cavanaugh takes advantage of Darkwing’s momentum there, nailing him with the STO and following up with the D’arce choke for his signature combination, the Tyneside!
Benny Newell: They make a good beer there…Newcastle Brown Ale. There was this one time in London, that beer and three hookers…
Joe Hoffman: I don’t think we need to hear it, Benny. I really do not think we need to hear what you’re gonna say.
Indeed, hearing what Newell has to say might not be the best idea as Hortega checks on Cavanaugh’s hold, checking if Darkwing is submitting or not. Cavanaugh wrenches on the hold, and simultaneous with the wrenching, Darkwing kicks his legs out, and manages to reach the bottom rope, to escape from the hold. It takes referee Hortega a few seconds, but he orders Cavanaugh to break the hold. Both men get back up to their feet, Cavanaugh throwing a wild swing at Darkwing which Darkwing easily ducks underneath, grabbing ahold of Cavanaugh’s arm, hurling him into the ropes.
As Cavanaugh flies across the ring, Darkwing bounces off the ropes himself, and meets Cavanaugh in the middle of the ring with the Trans Darkwing Express! Darkwing quickly covers Cavanaugh, and Hortega drops to count!
Cavanaugh powers a shoulder out of the pinfall attempt. A look of frustration passes over Darkwing’s face, as he drags Cavanaugh back to his feet. Darkwing takes a second to steady him, before jumping up, looking for a hurricanrana, though Cavanaugh clearly sees the move coming and catches Darkwing, driving him down to the canvas with a powerbomb!
Both men, slightly groggy, take a few more seconds to get to their feet, and once they do regain their vertical base, the inevitable throwdown occurs, both men swinging wildly at each other’s heads!
Darkwing, again, ducks behind one and taunts Cavanaugh causing the smaller man to charge forward.
This quickly proves to be a mistake, as Darkwing hoists Ethan up and down, driving him into the canvas with a spinebuster! Absolutely no time is wasted on Darkwing’s behalf, as he grabs Cavanaugh’s legs, twisting them like a pretzel, quickly locking in the Inglewood Cloverleaf!
Joe Hoffman: Darkwing’s looking to finish it here with his Inglewood Cloverleaf.. Cavanaugh, though, doesn’t seem to be wanting to have any of it, stretching and reaching with his upper body, trying to do anything to get something onto one of the ropes! Eventually, though, he succumbs and taps out!
Bryan McVay: And your winner, in 7 minutes and 31 seconds, via submission, Darkwing!
Joe Hoffman: Impressive showing for Cavanaugh but the HOW Hall of Famer was just too much in the end.
Benny Newell: This was the last win for Darkwing and you can count on that.
Joe Hoffman: With that win Darkwing earns a thousand dollar bonus and that has to feel good for..
Benny Newell: The broke black man?
Joe Hoffman: I highly doubt he is broke in fact…oh never mind. Folks I am being told we gotta cut to the back but again Darkwing opens up the Lethal Lottery matches with a submission victory over Ethan Cavanaugh!!
Action cuts to the back as Darkwing can be seen playing to the crowd..
Best Laid Plans…
The action cuts back to Lee Best’s office where we now see Lee Best sitting behind his desk with Kirsta Lewis standing behind him rubbing his shoulders. Standing next to the desk is a very beautiful woman who is fully clad in a nurse’s uniform and standing in front of the desk is Mark O’Neal.
Lee Best: Alright Nurse….I am sorry I forgot your name?
The nurse leans on Lee’s desk fully showcasing her “Assets” as she gives her name.
Nurse: My name is whatever the hell you want it to be.
Nurse Whatever The Hell You Want It To Be
Lee Best: Alright Nurse Whatever The Hell You Want It To Be you know your job right? I want you to give these men the vaccine for Jobberitis and end this plague already….Mark your up first. Kirsta get the rest of the boys in here…
Kirsta nods and pulls her cell phone out from her bra and turns her back towards what is going on and begins making calls as a smiling Mark O’Neal takes a seat in the chair opposite Lee and waits as the nurse approaches him.
Nurse WTHYWITB: This might hurt a little…
Mark nods and braces for the quick prick of a needle but instead of a needle he is poked with something else….
The nurse grabs Mark’s head and shoves it into her cleavage and shakes Mark’s head back and forth and after a few seconds shoves his head violently back and smacks Mark across the face.
The nurse steps back and looks at Lee who is leaning forward..
Lee Best: Well?
Mark, shocked at first, begins to smile and tests his shoulder out and confirms that he is feeling better.
Lee smiles and then looks up as the door to his office flies open and none other than the World and ICON Champions walk in.
Lee Best: FINALLY…where the hell you two been.
Aceldama and Shane Reynolds enter the room and both look at the nurse and then at Mark who is smelling his finger which he just ran thru his hair.
Aceldama: Kirsta caught me as we were pulling into the arena…what is this all about Lee?
Lee motions for both men to take a seat and Aceldama and Shane nod as Lee motions for Mark to get up and for Kirsta to grab another chair.
Aceldama sits while Shane places his ICON title belt on Lee’s desk and takes a seat as Lee looks across at his two crowning jewels.
Lee Best: Now before we get down to why you are really here…do either of you need to be cured of the damn Jobberitis epidemic? The nurse has…
Neither Aceldama or Shane say a word but their faces tell Lee that his offer is worthless.
Lee Best: To be fair boys…Ace you couldn’t beat Darkwing and Shane…well you just lost to the Mouth so..
But for the first time..EVER…Lee is cut short by a look given to him as both Aceldama and Shane look none too happy.
Lee Best: So be it….lets talk…..Kirsta the door…
Kirsta smacks Lee in the back of the head as she heads towards the door and as she shuts it the feed goes black and we cut to our first commercial break.
HELL IN A CELL INFERNO WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Issac Slade vs. Aceldama©
ICON CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Maximillian Kael vs. Shane Reynolds©
LSD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Christopher America vs. David Black©
HOUSE OF PAIN MATCH
Mark O’Neal vs. Darkwing vs. Chris Kostoff
BOBBINETTE CAREY AS SPECIAL REFEREE MATCH
Kirsta Lewis vs. Scottywood
Trip Eisen vs. Trent©
Back live and we cut to the back, where we see The Masked Marvel step out of his luxurious trailer. He stretches, just waking up from a successful nap as he notices Charles recording him already. Shrugging, he starts to walk into the arena while Charles follows suit.
TMM: So Charles, has the kid arrived? The Masked Marvel needs all of the good publicity he can get while he makes his marvelous return, I cannot just sit around here all idly by while I watch people being put randomly together in random matches…I need to be entertained!
Charles: So…how do you propose we do that?
TMM: Easy…exploit the Make a Wish foundation!
The Masked Marvel sees a Make a Wish representative, along with a boy in a wheelchair. The Masked Marvel walks over to the two as he shakes the hand of the representative.
TMM: Oh my, what a pleasant surprise! Thank you so much for letting me be part of this marvelous opportunity…you know what I say about todays children…they are tomorrow’s republicans!
Charles sighs as he continues to record the situation unfolding. The Masked Marvel walks over to the kid and smiles as he extends his hand.
TMM: Hello there…ah…what’s his name?
TMM: Hmm…okay. Hello there, Pablo!
P: Hola, estoy muy contento de conocerte! Soy tu mayor fan…
The Masked Marvel blinks, first thinking that the kid spoke in tongues, but then shook his head, dismissing the motion.
TMM: Ah, right…well, we’re in America, the land of the free and the home of the brave, so I suggest you stop speaking French and start speaking American, mister!
P: ¿Qué? No entiendo … Yo no hablo Inglés!
The Masked Marvel frowns. He turns the wheelchair around and shoves it with his foot, sending it down the hallway as the child speeds down, screaming as the Make a Wish foundation representative chases down after him. The Masked Marvel shakes his head, disappointed in his actions.
TMM: Shame. I would blame myself, but then it’s his own fault he’s in America and can’t bother to learn English…
The Masked Marvel turns his attention to the cameras.
TMM: But yes, since I have the camera time here right now, I might as well say this…The Masked Marvel, make my glorious in ring return tonight here on Turmoil…and I must say, I feel sorry for my opponent. I mean, I already am at the top of my peak physical shape…but yet this whole incident that has just occurred has really ticked me off!
The Masked Marvel shakes his head once more as he continues.
TMM: Tonight, whoever I face…will feel my Marvelous wrath. I will treat you like Pablo here who has no disregards for America’s feelings by speaking Swahili while being in the greatest country known to man…for I plan on making a…smashing debut here tonight…
He walks off screen as he hear a loud CRASH somewhere down the hall, then we go back to the announcers…
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back folks and it is time for our next Lethal Lottery match and Matt Boettcher will be refereeing the match and is in the ring now….you excited Benny?
Benny Newell: Huh? What? I think I need to go to the back and get this Jobberitis looked at…I have a sneaky feeling that a certain personal item of mine might be..
Joe Hoffman: You don’t have no Jobberitis cause there is NO SUCH THING!!
Benny Newell: Whatever…my shoulder hurts!!
Joe just sighs as the cameras focus in on the entrance ramp as Scottywood makes his way out from the back.
Joe Hoffman: Well no music or entrance pyros for Scottywood. You gotta figure that is Lee’s doing as he is definitely still on Lee’s bad side after that attack on Shocker before War Games and winning the LSD Championship like he did.
Benny Newell: He didn’t hold it for long…that fucking drunk.
Joe Hoffman: Drunk? Didn’t you two party it up the last few weeks? Do not even answer that…folks let’s see who will be taking on Scottywood and obviously this will be a hardcore match per Scotty’s contract.
Suddenly “Born in the USA” by Bruce Springsteen hits as the crowd immediately boos the man who comes into the arena, The Masked Marvel. He lifts his Bat of Justice high in the air as red, white, and blue streaks of pyro emerges from the stage. He extends his hands out in the air in a celebratory fashion as he enters the ring, then climbs to the top turnbuckle and does the pose again as he hops down and eagerly awaits the bell as Benny pours himself a drink as Joe talks about having the masked one back.
The bell rings as the two men clash in the middle of the ring. Marvel gets the upper hand and sends Scotty outside the ring early. Exiting the ring he grabs Scotty and begins to punish him outside the ring. The action picks up as Marvel drives a chair into his stomach. Marvel drops Scotty with a DDT to the cement. Marvel continues his assault on Scotty, ending with a bloody Scotty lying on the floor.
Sliding Scotty into the ring, Marvel enters the ring right after him. Marvel gets Scotty to his feet…Scotty quickly counters and drops Marvel with a shot to the stomach. Driving his knee into the chest of Marvel, Scotty tries to recover and get the advantage. Pulling Marvel up, Scotty sends him into the ropes and drops him with a spine buster. Scotty gets to his feet quickly and pulls up Marvel. Scotty twists his arm, and then drops Marvel with a short armed clothesline.
Grabbing Marvel by his head, Scotty sends him over the top rope and to the floor. Scotty follows him outside the ring and continues his assault, by pounding away on the Marvel. Scotty stands up as blood now trickles out from under the mask of Marvel. Pulling the bloody Marvel up, Scotty drives knee into his stomach and gets Marvel up, drives him down to the cement with a pile driver!! Marvel lays on the cement as blood now flows out from under his mask as Scotty stands over him.
Benny and Joe go back and forth as to who they think is going to win, finished off with Benny taking his bottle of Jack and drinking from it straight. Back inside the ring, Scotty is working over Marvel with rights and left. Scotty whips Marvel into the ropes..Marvel reverses it and sends Scotty into the ropes, catching him coming back with a powerslam!! Both men lay on the man as Botcher counts them both…
7…Marvel gets to his feet as Scotty pulls himself to his feet. Marvel charges…Scotty plants the Ice Kick into the side of Marvel’s head!!! Signaling for the end Scotty gets Marvel up and goes for the Game Misconduct…Marvel wiggles off Scotty’s shoulders and lands on his feet. Marvel kicks Scotty in the back of his knee, Marvel hooks his head and drops him with a reverse DDT!!!
Getting back to his feet, Marvel pulls Scotty up and shoots him into the turnbuckle. Charging in behind him Marvel goes for a clothesline…Scotty catches him with another Ice Kick!!! Staggering out of the corner Marvel turns around…Scotty gets him up for a Game Misconduct…Marvel punches Scotty in the side of his head. Dropping him, Marvel reaches out and slaps Scotty with the Marvel Lock!!! Holding on tight The Masked Marvel pulls Scotty down as Scotty flails his arms trying to break the hold. Botcher checks in as Scotty taps on the mat
Benny and Joe can’t believe what they saw as Scotty tapped out to Marvel.
Bryan McVay: THE WINNER OF THE MATCH IN 9 MINUTES AND 33 SECONDS….THE MASKED MARVEL!!!!
Standing in the ring, the ref raises Marvel’s arm as he looks down at the fallen Scotty as the action cuts elsewhere.
Talking with a Spook
The camera cuts back to a locker room where we see backstage interviewer, Brian Bare, and the TNT newcomer, Joseph “Spook” Gregory. Joseph is standing with his arms to the sides, and his coat on. He seems to be mentally getting ready for his match later in the evening.
Brian Bare: I’m backstage right now with one of our latest newcomers, Joseph Gregory, or also known by Spook. Now Spook you’ve had quite the run since joining the HOW. What are your thoughts to this point of our roster?
Joseph Gregory: Well to be honest I didn’t think too highly of it at first. After my first two matches here I didn’t see that much in this place.
Brian Bare: What about since your two match stint against Silver Cyanide?
Joseph Gregory: It’s looked up quite a bit more. My loss to Marcus Reinhardt proved that there was some fight in the HOW. My wins over Silver Phoenix and Ethan Cavanaugh have been harder fights than my first two as well.
Brian Bare: Well I must say you have impressed quite a few people here so far with your fighting abilities, especially for a man that has not trained for this for years like many others. To what do you attribute your ability to catch on to the world of wresting so fast?
Joseph Gregory: Well I may not have wrestled most of my life, but that’s not the mean I haven’t fought most of it. I just had to learn the basics of the ring, and went from there. Now I basically have to learn on a match by match basis. I’ve also learned just as much in a loss as I have in my wins.
Brian Bare: Now to the question that I am sure people are looking for. What are your plans in the HOW?
Joseph Gregory: I have made my plans clear since I joined here. I am here to cleanse the HOW of the vile and evil that is corrupting the very core of the HOW.
Brian Bare: What about title aspirations?
Joseph Gregory: I have none.
Brian Bare: None? Really?
Joseph Gregory: Really. There are more important things at stake than a few pounds of gold. There are lives, souls, at stake. The only use I could see of having a title would be to get the attention of the roster, which may be needed since my words and actions haven’t seem to break through with anyone.
Brian Bare: Alright, and what title do you think would accomplish that?
Joseph Gregory: If you want the attention of the masses, you go after the thing which they all keep their eye keenly trained on.
Brian Bare: Are you referring to the World title?
Joseph Gregory: Aye, that I am. If you want the world to notice, you take the thing that the world covets, and that is the world title.
Brian Bare: So I guess Aceldama, or whoever is holding the title by then, should keep an eye out for you?
Joseph Gregory: That would be the wise decision.
Brian Bare: Alright. Anything else you’d like to add?
Joseph Gregory: Yeah. Some of mocked my name, and others my mission since I joined the HOW. When all is said, and done, it won’t be laughter that leaves the lips of those in the HOW that see my plan as a joke. They will be only voicing words of salvation that only I could provide.
Joseph Gregory then leaves the locker room with only Brian Bare inside.
Brian Bare: Well that was Joseph Gregory folks, and we’ll be seeing him coming up later in the broadcast tonight. Back to you.
Just before the camera cuts back to the announcers ringside, the camera picks up something shiny, and something gold looking in a locker on the right side of the room. The camera starts to zoom in some as the cameraman tries to figure out what it is. The feed then switches back to the announcers.
Joe Hoffman: I wonder what that could have been?
Benny Newell: Maybe Mr. T’s missing necklaces?
Joe Hoffman: No, for a second I thought it might have been… ahh… nevermind. Let’s go to commercial.
Winner of Mayhem’s Main Event gets a date with the Bud girl!!
Only room for one Hardcore..
Back live and Kirsta is seen walking down the hall of The Best Arena, dressed to the nines, a short light blue dress, with a V neck, her long hair flowing over her shoulders. In her hands she holds a bottle of Jack Daniels and two glasses, one half full, drinking as she staggers down the hall. Looking up at the locker room doors and pausing at a door that reads Scotty Woodson.
Standing outside the door she kicks it open and it flies open hitting the wall with a bang. Scottywood is standing in the middle of the room with his own bottle of Jack in his hand. His eyes widen upon seeing Kirsta standing in the door way. She doesn’t wait to be invited in; she walks right up to him and stands nose to nose.
Kirsta Lewis: Don’t go getting overly excited with your wildest fantasies, let’s just say I got a bug up my ass. It seems that we got a date with destiny at Capitol Punishment. I guess you weren’t too happy to be beat by the best there is.
Scottywood: The best there is Whore, you got lucky is all. I just didn’t want to get too close out of fear I’d catch something….now get the fuck outta here..didn’t you just see my match?
Kirsta Lewis: For fear, I like that..and yes I did see your match…seems to me that you need to unwind.
Scottywood: Not fear of you, of what you carry.
Kirsta Lewis: Right, your ass Woodson.
She turns and sets the bottle and the two glasses down on the table, picking hers up and walks back over to where Scottywood stood, sucking down his drink.
Scottywood: What do you want? Trying to pass that Jobberitis even farther around the roster? Maybe hoping you’d give it to me in hopes you’d have a better chance at Capitol Punishment. Not happening, I’m immune to catching that shit.
Kirsta Lewis: You know, after I beat you yet again Woodson, your going to have to change that moniker of yours. You no longer will be called the Hardcore Artist.
Scottywood: Is that a fact, and you think you stand a chance at beating me at my own game?
Kirsta Lewis: Damn right I do. You’re going to be in that ring with the Queen of Hardcore.
Scottywood: Yeah I know Carey will be there but I hardly think she is the Queen of Hardcore.
Kirsta Lewis: Not her you damn fool, Me.
Scottywood: Now now, that’s not a way to talk about your lover. You both are infectious.
Kirsta Lewis: Whatever, Look the reason I’m here. This match at Capitol Punishment isn’t good enough. Lets up the stakes a little, something that once and for all will shut you up and prove who really is the undisputed Hardcore Artist.
Scottywood: There is no contest Kirsta, everyone knows it’s me.
Kirsta Lewis: I beg to differ Woodson, what’s wrong you afraid to back up your words? You been running your mouth about me now for weeks. Now prove it, prove to everyone you can back up what you claim to be true. I know I can back it up and willing to make this match whatever you want.
Scottywood: Right, you’re a female, wouldn’t want to mark your looks in some high profile match.
She shakes her head at his ignorance and downs the rest of her drink and slams it down on the table, sliding up on a cabinet, as her dress slides further up her thighs, she tosses her hair back and rolls her eyes at him.
Kirsta Lewis: You are a fool Woodson if you think for a minute I give a flying fuck about my looks. I have been in just about any match you want to name. I’m good at what I do Woodson. I’m better then you so what do you say? Ready to back your words up?
Sliding off the cabinet and retrieves her bottle of Jack and pours herself another shot and fills Scottywood’s glass as he stares at her.
Scottywood: What’s in it? Some new virus or something?
Kirsta Lewis: Yeah I’m all powerful like that, but really you name the match. You want to prove something and so do I!
Name anything you want but make it good. Maybe you can’t think of anything is that it? How about Burn in Hell Match? Nope not hardcore enough, something more dangerous. How about a Rage in the Cage match, I’m sure you know it. A hell in a cell match with a twist, cage wrapped in barb wire, with two garbage cans filled with weapons handcuffed to two turnbuckles of the ring. The key to the lock of the cage is hanging from the top of the cage. The only way to win is to get a ladder from under the ring, climb it, grab the key, and unlock the door, and exit the cage. Maybe still not bad enough to prove the true Hardcore artist. How about Beds of Weapons match with tacks, glass, barbed wire and light tubes. Or even better a Death Bed Match The ring ropes are replaced with loose barb wire. BUT, on all four sides of the ring there are four different black wooden beds filled with hardcore items. One side of the ring has a BED OF NAILS, one side of the ring has a BED OF BROKEN GLASS, one side of the ring has a BED OF THUMBTACKS, and another side of the ring has a BED OF LIGHTBULBS!!! Or something you can come up to top this?
Scottywood: You have been in these matches? Yeah sure you have.
Kirsta Lewis: I have and survived some, I have won and walked away a bloody mess but I walked away on my own. Come on Woodson. Back those words up what do you say. You man enough to take the Queen on?
Scottywood: I’m more man then you can handle Hellcat.
Kirsta Lewis: Now all I got to do is pass it by Lee. I say another drink is in order.
She pours Jack Daniels from her bottle into Scottywood’s and fills his up, Raising her glass to make a toast.
Kirsta Lewis: To the true Hardcore Artist!
As Scottywood is busy downing his, he doesn’t see that Kirsta pours hers over her shoulder and into a potted plant next to her.
Turning she leaves the room and turns before getting to the door as we see Scotty turning the bottle up in hopes of forgetting an already forgetful night.
Kirsta Lewis: Thank god for the glass of ice tea I walked in with or Id be smashed myself. What a total moron..
With that the cameras fade out to another quick advertisement…
Can Turmoil catch Mayhem with tonight’s show??
About FUCKING Time..
Back live and ‘Kiss my Country Ass’ by Rhett Atkins hits as Bob Jared appears at the top of the ramp.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back folks and Bob Jared is on his way to the ring and one can only assume just how confident Jared is after such a good showing against Aceldama last week on Turmomil.
Benny Newell: I will just shut up…and drink cause you are making NO SENSE!
Cameras capture the confidence oozing from the pores of Bob Jared as he makes his way to the ring.
Brian McVay: Introducing first from Memphis, Tennessee. Weighting in at 6’1 and 242lbs…. BOB JAAAAAARRRRREEEEEEEED!!!!
Bob Jared climbs into the ring and he immediately begins to watch the entrance curious as to who is opponent for the night will be.
“Animal” by Nickelback hits and Kirsta Lewis walks down the ramp.
Brian McVay: And his opponent from Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Weighting in at 5’6 and 130lbs…. KIRSTA LEEEEEEEWIS!!!!
Joe Hoffman: Wow….Kirsta versus Bob Jared is our next Lethal Lottery Match and Lee just has to love this for his woman.
Benny Newell: I just hope that Bobbinette Carey’s Bob Jared doesn’t get involved with this Bob Jared ..Kirsta Lewis match.
Joe Hoffman: What you mean Carey’s Bob Jared?
Benny Newell: You didn’t listen to the HOR?
Then it hits Hoffman and he can only shake his head again as visions of Carey’s Bob Jared spinbusting Bob Jared race thru his head.
Referee Joel Hortega calls both competitors into the middle of the ring from their corners and then rings the bell.
Joe Hoffman: Still..what an interesting match-up we ended up with here Benny.
Benny Newell: Interesting? If you say so, but I think Kirsta Lewis will win this match easily.
Joe Hoffman: I don’t know about that Benny.
The two competitors lock up in the ring with Bob Jared quickly and easily gaining the advantage and shoving Kirsta Lewis backwards onto her butt. Jared stands in the middle of the ring and motions for Lewis to go ahead and try to knock him down. Lewis bounces off the ropes and hits a shoulder block on Bob Jared that doesn’t budge him. She bounces off the ropes again and hits another shoulder block on Jared but this time Lewis is the one who falls to the ground.
Joe Hoffman: Right now Bob Jared is using his extra weight to bully Kirsta Lewis, and you can’t blame the guy for using the extra weight as an advantage. He almost weights twice as much as Kirsta Lewis.
Benny Newell: Can I just hear you call him Bob “Fucking” Jared one time?
Joe Hoffman: I think I’ll stick to calling the action in the ring.
The action in the ring continues with more of Bob Jared using his weight to his advantage as he easily blocks a body slam attempt by Kirsta Lewis and instead slams her easily. With Lewis on the mat Jared drops and elbow down on her and makes the cover as Joel Hortega counts.
Joe Hoffman: A quick kick out by Kirsta.
Benny Newell: Please this match just started, Kirsta is used to going for hours if you know what I mean.
Joe Hoffman: I’m not sure that I do Benny. I think this match has a 30 minute time limit.
Benny Newell can be heard drinking from his flask and not at all responding to Hoffman.
Kirsta quickly gets to her feet and starts kicking away at the side of Bob Jared’s knee with a little success, before she finally takes Jared down with a dropkick to his knee. Once on the ground Kirsta Lewis mounts Bob Jared and starts punching away at the face of Jared until referee Joel Hortega is able to make her break the hold.
Joe Hoffman: Kirsta Lewis finally has a little momentum and she needs to keep with the offensive if she plans on winning.
Benny Newell: I think that is normally the game plan genius.
Jared sits up when Kirsta Lewis bounces off the ropes and grabs Bob Jared’s head as she flips over him with a little neck breaker. Lewis is quickly up on her feet and bouncing off the ropes again as Bob Jared sits up just in time to get a drop kick from Kirsta Lewis sending him back down. Kirsta grabs the leg of Bob Jared and starts to hook him up in the figure four when Jared reverses it into a small package and Hortega is right there to make the count.
Joe Hoffman: A crafty move there by Bob Jared, it seems like Kirsta can only do what Bob Jared allows her to do.
Benny Newell: Kirsta Lewis is smart she will find a way to win this match Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: I didn’t say she was dumb, did I?
Benny Newell: I’m just going to drink…and where the hell are my ana…..never mind..DRINK!!
Suddenly a very large masked man makes his way down to ringside and climbs up on the ring apron distracting Joel Hortega. The man tosses some brass knuckles to Lewis who uses them to and jacks Bob Jared in the jaw with them and then stuffs the knucks into Jared’s tights. The huge masked man jumps down from the apron and Hortega turns around to see Lewis covering Bob Jared.
Joe Hoffman: KICKOUT BY BOB JARED!!!
Benny Newell: How in the hell did he kick out after that shot?
The huge masked man walks slowly back up the ramp and to the back as a shocked Kirsta Lewis is up and Bob Jared gets up right behind her. Lewis lands a kick to the midsection on Bob Jared and sets him up for a twist of fate. As Kirsta Lewis turns Jared pushes her off and she bounces off the ropes and is met with a sit-out shoulder jawbreaker.
Joe Hoffman: BFJ!!!
Benny Newell: Not the Jawbreaker! Lee, get back out here!
Bob Jared covers Kirsta and Hortega drops down for the count.
Brian McVay: Here is your winner… BOB JARED!
Bob Jared celebrates as we notice Kirsta Lewis complaining to Joel Hortega. Lewis motions to her tights and points at Bob Jared and Joel Hortega walks over to Jared and starts shouting instructions in Spanish before pulling open Jared’s tights and pulling out the brass knuckles that Kirsta used earlier in the match. Hortega walks over and shouts instructions to Brian McVay as Bob Jared tries to explain the object from his tights.
Joe Hoffman: What is going on here?
Benny Newell: Justice! Bob Jared is going to be disqualified and Kirsta will win.
Joe Hoffman: Let’s go to Brian McVay and find out Hortega’s decision.
Brian McVay: Ladies and gentlemen the referee of this contest Joel Hortega has ruled that this match
Benny Newell: WHAT!?
Joe Hoffman: Looks like we’re not done here yet.
Benny Newell: Kirsta should be declared the winner!
The bell rings again and Kirsta Lewis charges at Bob Jared with a clothesline that Jared ducks and then hoists Kirsta up in a fireman’s carry. Jared walks around the ring with Kirsta on his shoulders as the fans cheer. Suddenly Lewis escapes and as Jared turns around he is super kicked right in the face.
Benny Newell: YES! Hell’s Bitch Kick!
Joe Hoffman: That could be all she wrote.
Hortega drops down to the mat….
Brian McVay: Here is your winner in13:45… KIRSTA LEEEEEWIS!!!!!
The cameras pan quickly to the top of the entrance ramp where we see the big masked man standing there staring as Kirsta slowly rolls out of the ring…barely escaping with a win.
As the crowd boos loudly the action cuts back to the back…
The action cuts backstage and we are once again outside the locker room of Scottywood. The door is cracked open and suddenly none other than Bobbinette Carey opens the door and walks out of the room.
She stops quickly as she sees the camera in her face.
Bobbinette Carey: Get that firetrucking camera out of my face…..NOW!!
Carey shoves the cameraman down to the ground and the crowd is stunned as the HOW Hall of Famer walks out of the picture.
The cameraman quickly gets back up to his feet and pans down the hallway but Carey is already out of site. The camera then turns back towards Scotty’s room and we see the cameramans arm reach out and push the door fully open.
Joe Hoffman: I tell you what Benny I am just not sure I want to know what is going on or what Carey is up to…I mean what has gotten into…OH MY GOD!!!!!!
There is a collective gasp inside The Best Arena as the camera is pointed directly at a clearly hammered Scottywood laying face down on a desk with his pants down around his ankles.
The cameraman slowly enters and zooms in and we see something protruding from the buttocks of the former LSD Champion…
Benny Newell: MY ANAL BEADS….THATS WHERE THEY WERE….DAMN CAREY!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: COMMERCIAL…GO TO COMMERCIAL!!!
The crowd is literally in a state of shock as we hear Scottywood moaning in his passed out state as Benny’s anal beads hang out of his ass as we go to commercial.
Check out Carey’s Hall of Fame profile over at High Octane Television!!
Lethal Lottery No. 4!!
Explosions go off as ‘Give it away’ by the red hot chili peppers hit the PA system. Out walks Mark O’Neal to a chorus of boos, and a faint ‘WE WANT JON’ chant in the upper deck.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen for our fourth Lethal Lottery match! There are only four people left and we now know that it will be Mark O’Neal in this match!
Benny Newell: Who gives a fuck…I finally found my damn beads!
Joe Hoffman: You want them back? Just let those go..who do you think is going to face O’Neal here?
Benny Newell: Don’t matter, Mark’s blood is the cure for Jobberitis, he will beat whoever faces him.
Mark O’Neal slides into the ring and poses for the crowd, to more boos. Mark looks frustrated, as he glares at the crowd angrily.
Joe Hoffman: Alright….let’s see who’s facing the Explosive One……
Suddenly, the lights cut out in the arena and faint purple lights shine from the entrance way as
‘Cleansing’ by Marilyn Manson hits!!
Joe Hoffman: You know what this means!!!
Fire explodes from either side of the ramp as out walks….
Joe Hoffman: It’s SPOOK!!!!
Out walks Spook dressed in black hooded cloak with wooden walking cane as he makes his way down to the ring. He approaches the apron and Mark is glaring at him. Suddenly, flames shoot up from all four corners of the ring causing Mark to get away from the searing flames and into the middle of the ring.
Spook climbs up on the apron and climbs in…
Suddenly Mark O’Neal kicks the middle rope while Spook was placing his leg through them!! The rope hits Spook in the crotch, causing Spook to awkwardly fall to the mat!
Joe Hoffman: Darn that Mark O’Neal!!
Matt Boettcher calls for the bell as Mark lays the boots to Spook and tries to keep the much taller and longer man to the mat. Mark lays the stomps for several moments as the fans boo him. Mark then locks in a rear chin lock and Boettcher starts checking to see if it’s a choke.
Joe Hoffman: Not sure if this is good strategy considering Mark’s size disadvantage….
Spook proves Hoffman right and begins to power to his feet. Mark then jumps on Spook’s back , locking in a sleeper, and wraps his legs around the midsection of Spook. Spook tries to walk towards the ropes, but then fades and drops to one knee as Mark has a sleeper applied.
Joe Hoffman: Mark’s strategy is obvious….wear down the larger man with sleeper moves and keep him on the mat. Not so sure these type of holds will be as effective against Spook though…
Spook suddenly powers to his feet again and suddenly drops backward, squashing Mark into the mat!!!
Joe Hoffman: OH!!!
Spook takes a moment to gather his breath, as Mark is motionless, a look of pain on his face. Spook gets to his feet and pulls Mark up and lifts him up and nails a huge scoop slam that rocks the ring!
Mark’s back bows up and Spook runs the ropes and comes back and nails a huge elbow drop!!! Spook lays across him for the cover….
Mark rolls away from Spook and Spook gets to his feet and nails a couple of stomps, then lifts O’Neal effortlessly to his feet and tries a vertical suplex, but O’Neal manages to block it, then tries a suplex of his own but Spook blocks that….
Spook suddenly powers O’Neal straight up….
And walks over and lays him out over the top rope!!!!!!
Mark falls to the mat holding his midsection, and Spook covers….
Joe Hoffman: Mark showing some toughness, that was a painful predicament he just went through.
Spook pulls up Mark and suddenly Mark kicks at the knee of Spook. Spook lets him go then Mark nails a few right hands then runs the ropes, then comes back and Spook goes for a big boot, but Mark ducks it and Spook turns and gets nailed with several more right hands, then mark rears up for a discus blow but Spook grabs Mark around the throat with both hands!
Joe Hoffman: Spook going for his finisher!
Mark again kicks at the leg, then drops to his knee, and nails Spook right in the patella with an elbow that causes the leg to buckle and Spook lets go and Mark gets some distance….and nails a chop block which takes down Spook.
Joe Hoffman: Plan B, eh?
Benny Newell: Don’t be a smart ass.
Mark nails some elbow drops to the leg then leg drops the leg of Spook. Mark then signals for a figure four. The fans boo which frustrates Mark and he quickly goes for the figure four, but Spook kicks him off. Spook gets to one knee as Mark charges him, and Spook nails a headbutt to the stomach which doubles the Hall of Famer over and Spook gets up and sets up mark for a powerbomb!
Spook goes for the powerbomb, but Mark suddenly drops to his knees and nails the knee with a forearm which causes Spook to drop again to one knee. Mark gets to his feet and nails Spook with a swinging neckbreaker!
Spook kicks out with authority.
Mark pulls Spook up and grabs his damaged leg. Spook suddenly nails a straight right hand, that dazes Mark, but Mark is still holding Spooks leg.
SPOOK SUDDENLY NAILS AN ENZIGURI!!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: WHAT AGILITY BY THE BIG MAN!!!
The fans buzz as Mark drops to the mat holding his head. Spook pulls himself up using the ropes, and grabs Mark and pulls him to his feet. Spook lifts Mark up on his shoulder and nails a huge running powerslam!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: RUNNING POWERSLAM!!!! THE HOOK OF THE LEG!!!
Mark O’Neal kicked out!!
Spook looks at Boettcher and can’t believe it. Spook then lifts O’Neal up as a set up for a fall a way slam, then, and as Mark struggles, Spook walks over and lays O’Neal across the top turnbuckle in the nearest corner. Spook then starts climbing…
Joe Hoffman: What is he???
Spook gets to the second rope and picks up O’Neal again, then goes for a super fall a way slam, but Mark rakes the eyes in MID AIR and Spook is unable to get the Hall of Famer over as he falls backward, and
Mark falls on top of Spook!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: That’s a pin!!!
SPOOK KICKED OUT!!!!
Joe Hoffman: THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE!!!
Mark gets to his feet and is smiling as he pulls Spook to the center of the ring and locks in the figure four.
Spook ‘s face is in anguish and Mark is smiling. Spook tries to inch toward the ropes….Mark starts talking trash to him. Spook then looks angry and he starts turning the hold…..
Mark flattens out to make it harder, using a free hand to balance himself…..
Spook lays back on his back, the pain too much….
Spook suddenly powers up, and starts turning…Mark is trying to steady himself, but Spook’s determination is too much….Spook turns the hold!!!!
BUT NO!!! Mark counters, turning the hold back on Spook!!!
Joe Hoffman: BRILLIANT COUNTER!!!
But Spooks length allows him to grab the ropes!!!!
Mark breaks the hold and pulls Spook to his feet, and tries to whip him to the ropes, but Spook reverses and shoots Mark into the ropes, and Mark shoots back….
Spook lifts Mark into a fireman’s carry, but Mark starts nailing elbows to the head…Spook drops O’Neal and O’Neal clips the leg then heads into a corner…..
Mark starts trying to undo the turnbuckle pad and Boettcher catches wind and heads over and admonishes O’Neal…O’Neal holds his hands up and backs away as Boettcher starts tying the pad back on….O’Neal dashes to the opposite corner, and undoes that pad!
Joe Hoffman: O’Neal is trying to cheat here!
O’Neal tries to whip Spook into the exposed corner, but Spook counters and sends O’Neal into the corner!!
BUT ONEAL CATCHES HIMSELF!!! O’Neal turns around and Spook is there, and Spook grabs O’Neal around the throat for his finisher, but O’Neal with a thumb to the eye!!! Spook backs away as Mark looks exasperated in the corner, then suddenly Spook is charging at him, and O’Neal lunges forward and clips Spook in the knee, which causes Spook to trip and smack his face into the exposed turnbuckle!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: NOOOO!
Boettcher turns just in time to see Mark grab Spook and nail a reverse DDT!!! Mark then signals to the top as the fans boo, and Mark climbs up top….
Benny Newell: THE EXPLOSIVE DROP!!!!!
MARK ONEAL NAILS THE EXPLOSIVE DROP ON SPOOK!!!!!!!!
Mark hooks both legs!!!!
DING DING DING
THE WINNER OF THE MATCH VIA PINFALL IN 18:04…..MARK ONEAL!!!
Joe Hoffman: DARN MARK ONEAL!!!!! HE CHEATED!!
Benny Newell: Where? I don’t see any cheating!
Scene cuts to backstage as Boettcher holds O’Neal’s arms up in victory!
Lurking in the Dark
The cameras cut backstage to the parking lot where in the distance can be heard somebody whistling away to themselves. The lighting in the parking lot is not the greatest and the camera tries to find the person who is whistling but is failing until they hear a smash. The smash is the breaking of glass.
The cameraman catches a glimpse of a figure leaning in through the smashed window of a car looking inside. The cameraman does not wish to be a hero, so he stays where he is, hopefully aiming to get a photo image of the burglar and bring it to the polices attention. The man peers out of the car, but his face is covered by a balaclava. He moves on, dragging his sledgehammer across the concrete, he gets to another car and again smashes the window in the back passengers seat and peers in. Meanwhile this stirs up something at ringside.
Joe Hoffman: Wait! That’s my car! Security! Do something!
Benny Newell: What is worth stealing from your car, some mouldy doughnuts and a copy of hustler.
Again he leaves the car empty handed and proceeds down the parking lot to a motorcycle, he walks over to it, dropping the sledgehammer and proceeds to sit upon it checking around it. He is startled, as is the cameraman by a loud shout from the distance. It is getting closer. Joel Hortega, who has just left backstage to go to his car to grab his mobile phone from his car has spotted the masked assailant and has spooked him. He tries to scare him off by shouting
Joel Hortega: Senor, senor, que pasa? Leave bike alone, not yours, leave!
The masked assailant leaves the bike and walks over to where Joel is standing, the cameraman has lost shot of both of them as now he hears Joel’s thundering, confident screams turn into a mere whimper
Joel Hortega: No senor, por favour, please, I leave now, say nothing, no, nooooo!!!
There is the sound of a scuffle and then the sound of glass breaking, then footsteps running away in the distance as the cameraman picks up his tracks and begins to move from his motionless spot to see the masked man running down through the car exit and into the main road. He moves with his camera trying to find Joel but then he finally sees him, shirtless, his head smashed through a glass door. He is hurt bad. He drops the camera to the floor and all you can see is the cameraman’s feet and the sound of dial tones, then silence.
Cameraman: Ambulance please, Best Arena.
Joe Hoffman: Joel Hortega being the brave man he is tried to stand up to that masked madman only to be attacked by him, is there no more good people in the world?
Benny Newell: That is why I take the bus to work.
Joe Hoffman: We are going to cut to a commercial folks, I am going to see if that bastard took anything of mine, we will be right back….that wasn’t the same masked man from earlier who helped Kirsta was it??
Benny Newell: I have no fucking clue but I don’t think so……and I will sit here and drink some more while you go check your Lo-Jack.
OFFICIAL AFFILIATE OF HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING!
We are back live and Joe has returned to the announce table and welcomes us back before immediately cutting away as he tries to get settled.
We cut backstage, where we see Bob Jared standing by with HOW reporter extraordinaire Brian Bare.
Brian Bare: Good evening, HOW fans, Brian Bare here, and I’m standing by with Bob Jared. Bob, what are your thoughts on your loss tonight?
Bob Jared: Well, Brian, I—
Bob is interrupted by a solid object connecting with the back of his skull, sending him down to the ground. As Brian Bare runs like hell from the developing scene, the camera pans over to Bob Jared’s assailant, and the Best Arena crowd gasps with shock as the witness the square-jawed man, apparently of Austrian descent, with his black leather jacket, black pants, and a black ski mask pulled up to the top of his head and a Best Alliance T-shirt. To some, this man is a new face, but to others, he is very, very familiar.
Joe Hoffman: IT’S THE EMBOSSER!
Benny Newell: Who?
Joe Hoffman: The most violent, crazy man in the insane asylum that was Shockwave Sports Entertainment, Ulf Stroeheimmer, better known as the Embosser, is known for a level of violence unlike any other. This man is sick, deranged, and is known to go so far as to kill for fun! He also has a history with several current HOW stars, including Mark O’Neal, who first introduced him to the world as part of the short lived High Voltage Entertainment group in February of 2004.
Benny Newell: Wait, he kills people?
Joe Hoffman: He’s been known to.
Benny Newell: Yeah, you’re on your own, Hoffman. I’m not paid enough for this shit.
Newell gets up to leave, but security stops him. Meanwhile, backstage, Embosser stands tall over the fallen Jared.
Embosser: Hallo, Jared. Ulf must say, yeu are most different looking from yeu Subvay commercials. In yeu commercials, yeu are lookingk like zhe little skinny nerd, while here, yeu are lookingk like, how yeu say…vashed up old loser vit zhe overgrown chest hairings. Ulf has been hearingk yeu running yeu mouth about how great yeu are, while showingk little greatness in zhe ring. Yeu mouth runningks are vielding no results, and are a vaste of time, which is beingk a vaste of movement…AND ULF VASTES NO MOVEMENT!!
With those words, Embosser picks up his Uzi once again, and aims it at Bob Jared.
Embosser: Jared, prepare for Embossination.
Joe Hoffman: Holy Shit, he’s gonna kill Bob Jared!
Benny Newell: Holy shit, you just fucking swore!
Embosser prepares to pull the trigger on the Uzi, but is interrupted by a hand on his shoulder and a stern voice..
Embosser turns and sees Lee Best standing there with Kirsta Lewis on his arm.
Lee Best: You get Bob Jared at the PPV and remember why I brought you here…I will not allow CHEST HAIR to take over my fucking show..I will see you in Washington D.C. ….till then…..keep your guns to yourself will ya?
Embosser just nods as Lee and Kirsta walk past him. As Kirsta walks past she eyes Embosser up and down and runs her hand along the steel of Uzi and Embossers face turns red as Kirsta puts her finger and sucks on it as Lee tugs on her arm hard and the Power Couple of HOW exit stage left as we cut to a commercial yet again.
HELL IN A CELL INFERNO WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Issac Slade vs. Aceldama©
ICON CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Maximillian Kael vs. Shane Reynolds©
LSD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Christopher America vs. David Black©
HOUSE OF PAIN MATCH
Mark O’Neal vs. Darkwing vs. Chris Kostoff
BOBBINETTE CAREY AS SPECIAL REFEREE MATCH
Kirsta Lewis vs. Scottywood
Trip Eisen vs. Trent©
The Match Only a Mother Could Love
Bob Jared vs. Embosser
Bare Tries again..
Scene cuts from commercial to Brian Bare backstage in front of a door. On the door, it says ‘DARKWING’ on the name plate. The fans cheer at the sight of Darkwing’s name as Brian Bare raises the mic to his mouth.
Brian Bare: Um… Ladies and gentlemen, I am joined by none other than HOW Hall of Famer, Darkwing.
Bare is obviously nervous after his encounter with Embosser right before the break.
The door opens and out walks Darkwing, still in ring gear. He looks confident and the arrogant smile is back on his face as the fans cheer.
Brian Bare: Um..Welcome Darkwing, and I would like to congratulate you on your Lethal Lottery victory tonight over Ethan Cavanaugh.
Darkwing: Congratulations for defeating a noobie is unesscary and frankly, it was a foregone conclusion that the Darkone would defeat him. But I know why you are here Brian Bare, the fans know why you are here and that is to discuss my beef with one man….Chris Kostoff.
Brian Bare: Well, yes Chris Kostoff is here tonight and word is hes not happy after the High Octane Radio incident.
Darkwing(mocking Brian Bare): ‘Hes not happy after the…’ (normal voice) I don’t give a damn! Kostoff isn’t happy because ABC Liquor store up the road from here ran out of Metamucil! Kostoff has always had a problem with displacing his anger. You see he was a bit too late to get his Brad Paisley tickets…..Kostoff destroys Scottywood. Barbi Kostoff told him he needed to invest in a 90 day supply of Levitra…..Kostoff destroys some rookie on Mayhem. Kostoff is old. Kostoff is mediocre. I mean I respect the guy but that’s the way it is.
Brian Bare: Well regardless, it seems Lee Best has recruited Kostoff and now it will be a Triple Threat Hall of Fame match, contested within the House Of Pain. What are your thoughts?
Darkwing: House of pain? Really, Chris? Do you really think you have the advantage, seeing as I was alongside your ancient ass for the very first House of Pain match where I pinned Lynx and fed Lee to you? Chris Kostoff, it doesn’t matter if its House of Pain, Mansion of Hurt, or the Tower of Terror match, the end result with be the same one ALL the time!! It will be Darkwing pinning you for the 1,2,3, and if Mark brings his Explosive ass to the match, I can cement my legacy as the greatest Hall of Famer…EVER.
Brian Bare: But Darkwing, it will essentially be a 2 on 1 handicap match!
Brian Bare starts sweating profusely as if on command, and he squirms uncomfortably as Darkwing glares at him, then finally replies.
Darkwing: I know Chris Kostoff better than anyone. It wont be a handicap match…..in fact, Mark is in as much danger as I am. Mark, you better talk to your new ‘partner’……because things wont go the way you plan.
Brian Bare: How can you be so sure of that?
Darkwing: Because unless Mark can give Kostoff free ‘Just for Men’ samples, Kostoff will go into that match with one thing in mind……to destroy everything inside of the House of Pain. Chris Kostoff….im better than you, smarter than you, more popular and have done more than you in HOW……Ill just add a 5th win over you to my War Chest….and then I will face Lee Best……and then revenge will be mine.
Darkwing pauses and everyone knows whats coming next…..
Darkwing: CAUSE THE DARKONE!!!!!!!
Fans: HAS SPOKEN.
Suddenly Darkwing is knocked down and camera pans back and you see Kostoff inside the locker room on top of Darkwing pummeling him with punches on the ALPHA BLACK MAN. Darkwing shoves Kostoff off of him, and both men get to their feet, and Kostoff nearly takes Darkwing’s head off with a lariat!
Suddenly, a Pimp Called Rufus runs in and nails Kostoff in the back, but Kostoff is unaffected!
Rufus Jackson: What in the Desperate Housewives!!? Oh you big mothafucka, its finally time to BEAT YO ASS like the big dude from Master of the Flying Guiiotine!!!
Kostoff slowly turns around, and Rufus goes for his cutter finisher, but Kostoff powers out, and turns it into a Dominator!!!!!!
With Rufus laid out, Kostoff then sees a small table that has a few of Darkwing’s personal belongings on top of it….Kostoff pulls Darkwing to his feet, and then….
KOSTOFF WITH THE NO REMORSE SITDOWN POWERBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!!!!
Darkwing is laid out and Kostoff stands over Darkwing for a moment, then walks off leaving A Pimp Called Rufus and Darkwing laid out.
Moments later, someone walks in dressed in all black and stands in front of the camera with their back to it. The camera pans down and you can see them holding a gasoline can….
The person starts dousing the area around Darkwing’s body in gasoline. Darkwing is unmoving, as the man empties the canister and tosses it near Rufus. The man reaches into his pocket…..
….and pulls out a book of matches.
The man then crouches over the body of Darkwing and is busy doing something that we cannot see. The arena is hushed as the man finishes and stands up, and turns, revealing his face…..
…..and its Shane Reynolds.
Shane leaves the locker room and seconds later HOW security barges in, and the camera man moves towards Darkwing’s body, and you can see this spelled out on his chest in matches, one word….
The scene cuts to ringside for the Main Event!
LETHAL LOTTERY FINALE!
Joe Hoffman: I cannot believe what we just saw..was that what Lee had in mind for Shane when he brought him here tonight? Where will this lead?? I do not know but what i do know is folks we are now down to the final match in the lethal lottery and there is no guessing here who the final two will be as Issac Slade will be taking on Bobbinette Carey. This match is already stacking heat after Carey struck Slade with a chair just last week. She has not been right since her return to High Octane.
Benny Newell: Must be that time of the month.
Joe Hoffman: Well Joel Hortega was due to referee this match but after that attack by the burglar trying to break into everyone’s vehicles he will not be officiating this one tonight. Here comes Bryan McVay into the ring, hopefully he can shine some light on this.
Benny Newell: Obviously it is Boettcher you idiot, we don’t have any other referees.
*Bryan McVay makes his way into the middle of the ring with microphone in hand, but instead of tell the waiting fans who the replacement referee will be, ‘Rise from the Ashes’ by Quietdrive makes its presence known throughout the arena, sending the mass of fans into eruption. Issac Slade quickly enters the ringside area, standing at the ramp, saluting all his loyal fans as he walks down the ramp, taking the time to acknowledge those who have made the journey down by slapping their hands as he passes. He slides under the bottom rope and runs over to the turnbuckle, climbing up upon it and once again saluting the fans, as a loud roar and flashes of cameras nearly blinds him as he stands proud aloft the ring*
Joe Hoffman: This is a man who should be on top of the world. His relationship with Sabina Faze is blossoming, he is undefeated so far in his return and he has a world title match to look forward too. But in the back of his mind, lurking is Aceldama.
Benny Newell: He has to forget about him tonight, there is a more dangerous presence at hand tonight, jobberitis!
Joe Hoffman: I am not having another week of this.
Bryan McVay- Currently in the ring, from Louisiana, weighing in at 220lbs…..Issac Slade!
*Slade begins to prepare for Bobbinette Carey’s arrival by stretching using the ropes as leverage. His music cuts and he awaits the music of Bobbinette. But instead ‘Bloodline’ by Slayer kicks in as Slade stops his exercising and focuses on the ramp area*
Benny Newell: Guess you were wrong about this being predictable, we never had Aceldama down for this one!
Joe Hoffman: That is because he is not booked! Something is not right here….oh wait…..there is your answer!
*Aceldama emerges from the ramp, all smiles, sporting a rather tattered referee’s shirt, far too big for him. He slowly makes his way down to the ring, all the time being watched by Issac Slade. Meanwhile Bryan McVay has been called over to the corner by another official who hands him a piece of paper. Rather confused Bryan turns back to address the crowd, all the while Aceldama is still slowly proceeding to the ring*
Bryan McVay: Ladies and Gentleman, due to the unexpected injury to Joel Hortega, the special guest referee for tonight is to be Aceldama!!!
Joe Hoffman: What the hell? Joel’s injuries were obviously CAUSED by Aceldama!
Benny Newell: You don’t know that, you didn’t see him.
Joe Hoffman: He is obviously wearing his shirt!
Benny Newell: You always assume the worst, here is Aceldama, willing to help this federation in its time of need and step up to the role of referee. Obviously there are no referee’s on our roster who are the same size and weight of Aceldama, so yes it will be a little smaller.
Joe Hoffman: Bullshit, this is complete bullshit, Aceldama planned this all along.
*Aceldama walks around the ring, constantly being tracked by Slade, not allowing him to get into the ring. Aceldama points at the referee’s shirt and makes it known to him if he touches him it will be more than his match tonight he will lose, but his chance at the belt will also fade. Slade backs off and allows Aceldama to climb the ring and get inside. He watches Slade’s every move, but Slade simply gets back to his exercises at the corner of the ring.*
*Meanwhile ‘Circus’ by Britney Spears projects throughout the arena to a mixed reaction to the crowd. Some of the more die hard Bobbinette fans continue to cheer her but others are booing after her sudden change in personality over the recent weeks. She appears somewhat fazed by seeing Aceldama standing in the ring. She does not acknowledge any of the fans; she simply makes her way down to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope. She mimics rubbing her head to Slade, to remind him of what she done to him last week as she lets out a slight giggle. She then turns her attention to Aceldama who is standing in the corner content. She points at him and tells him he better call the match right, she does not want any bias in her favour. Aceldama simply raises his hands then makes a slicing motion as if to say he will call it down the middle.*
Bryan McVay: And his opponent weighing in at……
*Before Bryan McVay can finish talking Slade has charged Carey with a spear and sent her flying straight down to the canvas. On the canvas he begins to pummel her with a flurry of fists, right and left’s, straight down upon her face. Aceldama turns to the ring officials to signal the start of the match*
*Slade continues with his barrage of fists to Carey’s face, Carey is trying to get her hands up to protect herself but the flurry is too powerful. Aceldama intervenes and begins a five count, by the count of four Slade stops his flurry, grabbing Carey’s hair and raising her faces up from the canvas and nails her with one final right. He gets up off Carey’s body and stands up, then leans over and grabs Carey once again by the hair and picking her up. With brute force he flings her towards the opposite turnbuckle, the force sends her flying up and over the ring to the outside.*
Joe Hoffman: My god, Issac Slade has a red mist over him now; he went at Carey like a rabid dog!
Benny Newell: He is risking his career getting that close to her with her….
Joe Hoffman: I swear if you even mention that one more time I am getting up and leaving this post.
*Slade stands in the ring, watching Carey as he slowly tries to get herself back up to her feet, she grabs onto the canvas for leverage. She is now nearly up but Slade begins another charge and with a sliding tackle meets Carey’s face, sending her back down to the ground. Slade rolls under the bottom rope and over to Carey, again using the hair he picks her up and picks her up in a fireman’s carry. He charges towards the ring post, Carey’s face smashing off it with a massive thud. Slade simply lets Carey fall from his shoulders to the matt. Aceldama points at Carey and instructs Slade to get her back into the ring. Slade ignores Aceldama climbing onto the edge of the ring he waits for Carey to get up, then he runs from one side of the canvas to the other before leaping off it and with an elbow charge sending Carey falling backwards into the railings. Aceldama has had enough, he begins a count*
Joe Hoffman: I have to say I have never seen Slade wrestle in this way before!
Benny Newell: Sometimes it can do strange things to you job…
Joe Hoffman: I swear, one time and I am out of here.
Benny Newell: Jesus, calm down, ok, not a word then about it, lets just enjoy the match, that by the way I might add Aceldama is officiating very fairly.
Joe Hoffman: So far, let’s see how long that lasts.
*Aceldama now is on a seven count so Slade quickly rolls under the bottom rope into the ring and then rolls back out again, breaking the count. Aceldama somewhat angered by Slade outsmarting him begins another count, this time faster. Slade goes over to Carey and is met by a haymaker straight to his jugular, he recoils back in pain, holding his throat. Aceldama smiles and stops the ten count as Carey gets back to her feet and charges at Slade with a clothesline, sending him flat down onto the matt. She looks up at Aceldama, who basically holds his hands up and allows her to proceed. Carey picks up Slade and gets him to his feet and walks him over to the metal railings and throws him down upon it, his throat getting the most of the impact. He falls backwards clutching his throat. Aceldama calls upon Carey to bring Slade back into the ring and she obliges, picking him up by his wrestling attire and throwing him under the bottom rope. She proceeds onto the top turnbuckle and flies from it with a diving elbow drop, planting it right onto the chest of Slade. She quickly goes for the cover.*
*Slade kicks out shortly after two*
Joe Hoffman: Slade kicking out after two, in what was a very fair count from Aceldama.
Benny Newell: You see? You with your, oh Aceldama is going to rig the match, he is going to make Slade lose, he just proved you wrong there
Joe Hoffman: He certainly did.
*Carey aims to keep Slade down upon the canvas as she begins to lay out boots into his chest, then comes crashing down with an elbow drop, connecting once more with his throat. She picks up Slade whipping him into the ropes, he comes in her direction, she drops to the canvas as Slade jumps over her, she then gets back up as Slade comes back and she connects with a double axe handle, the Royal Crowning. All the while Aceldama is standing watching with amusement at the punishment that his opponent to the world title is taking to the hands of Bobbinette Carey. Slade is back down upon the canvas, Carey moves her attention away from Slade and rolls out of the ring and over to the ring announcers table, throwing Bryan McVay off his seat and taking it in her hands, she folds it up and throws it into the ring. Immediately Aceldama goes over to it and picks it up. Carey meanwhile just making her way back to the ring looks at him as he mouths the words ‘You wanted me to call it right, then I will’ As he throws the chair back outside onto the matt. Carey and Aceldama begin to argue in the middle of the ring, Aceldama asserting the authority bestowed upon him by being the special guest referee. All the while Carey is blissfully unaware that Slade has got to his feet and charges past Aceldama and clothesline’s her over the top rope, the momentum taking the both of them out onto the matt outside once more. Slade is the first to his feet as he watches Carey wincing in pain with her back against the ring steps. He sees in the corner of his eye the chair that Carey had tried to bring into the ring, he picks it up and raises it up over his head, but before he can swipe down upon Carey, it is removed from his grasp as Aceldama leans over and takes the chair straight out of thin air*
Joe Hoffman: This really has become surreal, I never thought I would see these two wrestlers as ruthless as they are aiming to be tonight and I NEVER thought I would see Aceldama playing the fair one. If this is not role reversal at its finest then I do not know what it is.
Benny Newell: I agree, something is not right here. They do not seem themselves, I think they are unwell, I think we need to call Dr Trenholme, two new cases of….
Joe Hoffman: Benny, I swear! If you even mention…god, can we go through one match please without mentioning that?
Benny Newell: This is serious stuff here…
Joe Hoffman: It is not real!! It is a made up illness made up by Lee Best to make Carey look bad, can we please get back to this match?
Benny Newell: Fine, I was just sayin….
Joe Hoffman: Don’t
*Aceldama walks over to the other corner of the ring, pointing at Bryan McVay, who walks over to the corner and hands the chair to him who takes it back to the corner, sitting down upon it. Meanwhile outside Slade now has Carey between his armpit as he is ready to connect a DDT onto the hard matt below but Carey is punching upon his kidney’s, trying to make Slade break his grasp. His hold on her is getting less and less as her punches are working, but then Slade grabs her once more and without no hesitation plants a snap DDT straight to the hard matt below. Carey is out cold. Slade rolls back into the ring and watches down on Carey who is not moving, he turns around to see Aceldama who is not counting. He shouts at him to start counting her out. The crowd begin a count of their own. Aceldama refuses to do the count, telling Slade to get her back into the ring, not to take the easy route out. The crowds own count is now at even and Carey has not even flinched. It finally gets to ten with no sign of movement from Carey, Slade basically looks at Aceldama who just smirks as he rolls out of the ring and picks up Carey rolling her into the ring. He rolls back in and goes for the cover*
*Aceldama stops counting, Slade turns to look at him in sheer anger, but Aceldama is pointing at Carey’s left foot, which is planted upon the bottom rope. Slade basically stands up and takes Carey by the left leg and drags her further into the middle of the ring and again falls down upon her, covering the leg, Aceldama gets down to make the pin*
*No!! Carey kicks out at the last second, a somewhat debatable slow count from Aceldama but Carey kicked out and the match continues. Slade stands up and puts his hands onto his face, wondering what he has to do to win this match. Meanwhile Aceldama stands opposite him, pointing at Carey as if to say what are you waiting for*
Joe Hoffman: That was a slow count and you know it, Aceldama is starting to show his unfair side now, and refusing to count out Carey as well.
Benny Newell: He was doing the right thing; nobody wants a main event to end via count out. Giving the fans a proper match, I salute you Ace.
Joe Hoffman: Slade is wondering what he has to do to win this match; the odds are stacked against him here.
*Slade stands looking into the eyes of Aceldama, forgetting where he is, his eyes fixed upon him. He zones back in on where he is and the task at hand as he goes over to Carey who is now on her knees as he raises both arms over his head, clenching his hands together but as he comes down midflight, Carey stops him in his tracks with a low blow, then pounces to her feet, grabbing him in a belly to belly supplex, sending him down to the canvas. She meets him on the canvas as she locks in the Royal Lock, the chicken wing arm lock. Slade is struggling to get out of it, but she has it locked in good. Carey is on one knee whilst Slade is almost laying flat on the mat, except for the upper half of his body which is resting on Carey’s knee. Aceldama kneels over Slade, looking into his eyes laughing at Slade as he begins to go blue, feeling astute pain in his left shoulder, but his right arm is upright in a bold statement, he is not quitting. The moments pass however and that right arm is beginning to falter, it finally falls to his lap as his eyes close. Aceldama picks up Slade’s hand, it drops, it does it once more, it drops again, he does it a third time…………it drops……..Aceldama turns to call for the bell, but the fans screams grow loud. Slade’s hand did not fall all the way. Aceldama cannot call for the bell, the match continues. Growing increasingly angry with Carey he shouts at her to tighten the hold, it is now a blatant chokehold but Aceldama keeps on encouraging more*
Joe Hoffman: That is it, Aceldama is now ENCOURAGING Carey to choke out Slade, this match is no longer being officiated fairly.
*The colour from Slade’s face has now turned into an almost blue. She lets go of the hold, the crowd begin to boo, she turns to see the crowd, a somewhat strange reaction for her to be booed but she goes with it. The arena seems to be filled with Slade fans, she stands awaiting Slade to get to his feet. She is being ogled by Aceldama to finish him off as Slade begins to get to his side, holding his throat, coughing profusely. He gets to his knees as Carey stalks him, he is now on one foot, then the other as Carey propels herself off the canvas in a handspring hurricanrana, the Royalty Check, flinging Slade across the ring, landing badly upon his shoulder. Carey goes for the pin, Aceldama rushes with the pin, falling to the canvas*
*No!!! Slade gets his hand up at the last second to prevent the fall. Aceldama’s face is one of shock, he could not have done that pin any faster but still Slade manages to get his hand up at the very last second. Aceldama gets up and begins to verbally berate Carey who is not having any of it, she turns away and begins to climb the turnbuckle but Aceldama grabs her arm and slings her around, slapping her on the face!*
Joe Hoffman: What the hell! He can’t do that; you cannot put your hands on a wrestler like that if you are the official.
Benny Newell: You would feel the same way if you found out you just got jobberitis!
*Joe Hoffman, finally having enough stands up and removes his headset from his head, smashing it down onto the table*
Benny Newell: Where are you going? This match was just getting good.
Joe Hoffman: I warned you, I gave you ample warnings, I am out of here, enjoy calling the rest of the match on your own.
Benny Newell: But Joe, I am too drunk. Please….don’t, I promise that was the last time I mention jobberitis, well this bit explaining it and the previous, I swear!
*Joe makes his way up the ramp in disgust as Benny looks own rather confused and wondering what to do. Meanwhile in the ring Carey has not taken too kindly to being slapped by Aceldama, she squares up to him, Aceldama does not flinch, but either does Carey. Then she releases her hand and slaps him across the face*
Benny Newell: Okay Benny, this is your chance, focus, focus…bit of Dutch courage (gulps down a shot of Jack Daniels) You can do this………….(long deep breath) What a slap by Carey, right on the chops of Aceldama and he barely moved!
*Aceldama goes for a second slap only to be blocked by Carey who swings her boot into the crotch of Aceldama sending him reeling backwards then she flies at him with a clothesline sending him over the top rope and down to the matt. She turns to see Slade coming at him with a fist; she ducks and hits the super kick straight to Slade’s temple. She goes for the cover, but nobody is there to make it. She bangs the canvas three times to signify her pin, but then someone begins to make their way down the ring rather slowly. It is a beaten and bruised Joel Hortega! Bare chest and all trying frantically to get his new referee’s shirt on over his head. His face is battered and he is walking with a limp but he makes it to the ring and slides under and begins the count*
*No!! Again Slade gets his hands up. Carey is getting impatient, so much so she decides to go to the top turnbuckle as Slade gets up. Carey comes down with a flying cross body, but Slade, conjuring up whatever strength he has left in his body catches her mid flight and slams her down to the canvas. Joel Hortega has gotten to his feet and seems to be alright as he is ready to mark his authority on this match.*
Benny Newell: What the? The little Mexican is back from the dead and he is here ready to take over ownership of this match. Aceldama done well in my books don’t you agree Joe? Oh yea Joe is gone, this is going to be hard….so Benny, what did you think of Aceldama’s performance as referee tonight? Well Benny it was all fair in my books.
*Slade picks up Carey and places her under his legs and lifts her up with little or no ease for the powerbomb, planting her flat on her back in the middle of the ring, he goes for the cover*
*What the? Just as Hortega was about to put his hand down for the three count the hand of Aceldama grabbed the leg of Hortega and pulled him out of the ring. Hortega is not happy, Aceldama says he is now the official referee of this match, but Hortega is adamant that it is him and it was only down to Aceldama that he did not make it for the beginning of the match. Aceldama pushes Hortega out of the way and he falls backwards as Aceldama climbs onto the canvas, Slade looks up in preparation for him coming in, but then Hortega grabs Aceldama and pulls him back down. Aceldama looks at Hortega in bemusement. Hortega points at the ring and mutters in a mixture of Spanish and English that is his match, he then lifts his fists as if he is ready to fight. Aceldama laughs and leans forward, goading Hortega to punch him. Then it comes. A devastating left hook straight to the jaw that sends Aceldama off the ground and to the floor, flat out, unconscious*
Benny Newell: Holy fucking shit! I never knew the little Mexican had it in him. Last time I steal his burrito. (He jumps scared) What the? Oh, it’s my earpiece. What is that? Nooo..really? The people at the other end are telling me Joel was once a light middleweight boxing champion. What do ya know, it is always the quiet ones.
*Meanwhile in the ring Issac Slade has made his way to the top rope as he leaps off with great air in a frog splash, the Freefall. He lands upon Carey, at first rather badly, the momentum sends him further across the ring, he holds his shoulder. Hortega gets back into the ring. Slade breaks through the pain barrier and goes for the cover. Hortega counts*
DING!! DING!! DING!! Bryan McVay- Your winner, at a time of twenty two minutes forty two seconds…..ISSAC SLADE!!!!
*Slade meanwhile is in the corner holding his left shoulder as Carey is laid out flat upon the canvas. Joel Hortega goes over to raise the hand of Slade who looks up at him in disbelief at what he has just seen. He gets up off the canvas and looks down at Aceldama still unconscious. He climbs onto the top turnbuckle and looks down upon the lifeless Aceldama and points at him and gives a cut throat sign. Aceldama is beginning to come to, not knowing what just happened to him. Slade goes over to Hortega and shakes his hand and raises Joel’s arm over his, as the two stand looking at Aceldama as he finally comes to, he remembers now what just happened as the two men smirking up at him. He wants to storm the ring but he knows he cannot retaliate, so he simply turns around and walks his way up the ramp, turning around and looking at Slade mouthing the words, I am coming for you*
Benny Newell: Aceldama came out with the game plan, but it backfired big time on him, he is the one leaving here red faced, by the fist of Hortega!! Embarrassing or what? Well that is the end of the show and all that is left to do is wrap up the show….wait, I have never done this before, this is my chance, to end a show…..oh yes, here it goes……
Whores and butchboys it has been a pleasure to….oh god, I am getting nervous……focus Benny……Dutch courage……(takes another shot, this one does not go down too well, he vomits it up) Oh god, goodnight from me your ring announcer Benny ahhhhhhhh (vomits once more) Oh god, i’m ok, I am ok (vomits again, this time longer and more violently) Just cut the cameras!!!
End of Transmission
BONUS SEGMENT ONE!!
LIVE TRANSMISSION OVER…THE CAMERAS KEEP RUNNING FOR HOTv PURPOSES…
Big Jon, Bob Jared’s biggest fan, walks proudly through the parking lot of the Best Arena. Having spent a lot of time lately with his hero and mentor, Bob Jared, the sweaty young lad feels on top of the world. All that is about to change, however.
Big Jon’s Jared-induced euphoria blinds him to the gentleman in the black leather jacket and black Diesel jeans approaching him from behind. We can tell by the way the man walks that his intentions are evil. He approaches Jon from behind, tapping him on the shoulder before backing up a couple of steps. As he backs up, he steps under a light, and we can see exactly who he is…
Hoffman: IT’S MICHAEL DENUCCI! How is that possible? His leg was broken a couple of weeks ago!
Newell: Obviously not as broken as we all thought it was!
DeNucci, seemingly in decent health, waits for Jon to turn around before charging at him, sliding to his knees and executing a double leg takedown on the 400-pound Bob Jared fan, before mounting the young fan and unleashing with a series of right hands, each bloodying Big Jon. Satisfied that he’s done enough damage, DeNucci then gets a tight grip on Jon’s right arm, before maneuvering himself into position and locking in a brutal armbar.
Hoffman: Michael DeNucci has that armbar locked in on Big Jon! Where’s security?
Newell: I am pretty sure they are on their way home..like we should fucking be.
As DeNucci continues to lean back with the armbar in place, a sickening snap can be heard.
Hoffman: Did you hear that snap? He just broke Big Jon’s arm! Jon’s not even a wrestler, DeNucci, let him go! We need an ambulance!
Newell: Forget the ambulance, we need a waaaaahmbulance for your sorry ass, Hoffman.
It’s around this time that security begins to arrive on the scene, and DeNucci takes this as his cue to leave. Before he leaves, however, he takes a T-shirt out of a nearby gym bag and tosses it over Big Jon’s face. As DeNucci leaves, security and EMTs arrive, preparing to tend to Jon’s injuries.
EMT #1: Mark, check his pockets, see if there’s any ID in there.
Mark, the second EMT, checks Jon’s pockets, but as he does, what appears to be a tin of Skoal falls out. Mark opens the tin, but rather than finding chewing tobacco, discovers something else entirely.
Mark: Dave, stop what you’re doing!
Dave, the first EMT, stops, wondering what the hell his partner is thinking. As Dave looks into the tin Mark is holding up, he immediately understands Mark’s plan.
Dave: It’s worth a shot…
The camera pans around to show that the Skoal tin is full of Bob Jared’s chest hair. The EMTs spring into action, with Mark dumping the chest hair onto Jon’s broken arm. Several tense moments pass by, but nothing seems to happen.
Mark: Okay, I guess that was just a fluke last week. Let’s get him on a stretcher.
Dave: Mark, wait! It’s working!
A slight breeze blows the chest hair off of Jon’s arm, and Jon begins to move his arm around, in a full range of motion.
Jon: Ah feel better already! BOB JARED RUUUUUUUUUUULES~~~~~!!!!!
Dave: My God! His arm is completely healed! It’s a miracle!
Mark: It’s no miracle, Dave. It’s Bob Jared’s chest hair.
With Big Jon completely healed, the EMTs walk away. As they pass by the camera, it pans down to show the T-shirt DeNucci draped over Jon’s face. On the T-shirt are four simple letters:
LONG AFTER THE SHOW IS OVER…
The Scene Opens with Issac Slade exiting The Best Arena, as he walks to his bike he occasionally looks around him watching the shadows as if expecting someone to lunge out from behind them, but he makes it to his bike unscathed.
Starting it up he revs it once and then twice before backing up and pulling out of his parking space, he drives off camera picking up speed when suddenly the sound of brakes squealing can be heard from somewhere off screen, a muffled cry and then a more feminine muffled scream can be heard followed by the sound of a body hitting the hood of a car and sliding off.
The camera follows the sounds and then zooms in on what looks like Issac Slade lying on the ground in front of a car while a distraught female fan hurriedly dials 911 on her phone.
*The sound of an ambulance siren can be heard as its lights begin to come closer. The camera pans out as we see a motorcycle lying on its side in the road, its front wheel still rotating. Again it pans out even more as see now see a body lying motionless beside it. It is the body of Issac Slade. The paramedics get out of the ambulance and make their way to Issac and kneel down in front of him trying to see if he is at all conscious*
Paramedic 1- Sir, can you hear us? Sir? How did this happen?
Paramedic 2- No answer, it does not look as if he has had a collision.
Paramedic 1- All the damage seems to be to his side, he is slid off his bike, but it is stone dry out here, he could not have possibly slid on anything.
Paramedic 2- I might have the answer to that, look, his brake cables have been cut.
Paramedic 1- Take a note, contact the police, first, let’s get him into the ambulance safely.
Paramedic 2- John? Can you come out here and move this motorcycle for us while we deal with the patient?
*The driver of the ambulance exits the vehicle and proceeds to pick up the bike and wheel it to the grass at the side of the road. Meanwhile the other two paramedics have taken out the stretcher and are slowly putting Issac Slade onto it, they get him onto it and wheel him into the back of the ambulance, closing the door behind. The three get into the ambulance and start up the engine, but it does not go. The driver tries it again, and looks at the other two, startled.*
Paramedic 1- What is it?
Driver- I don’t know, it is saying the battery is dead.
Paramedic 2- Impossible, this is the new fleet.
Driver- Wait, the trunk is open.
*The three men exit the ambulance and walk to the front of the ambulance where indeed the trunk is open and laying meters away from the vehicle is the battery, in pieces, battery acid seeping out of it. The three men turn around to look around, but nobody can be seen. The driver goes back into the ambulance and goes onto the intercom*
Driver- We need another ambulance as soon as possible to Hayes Street, just outside the Best Arena. Our ambulance has been sabotaged, its battery removed. Repeat we need a backup ambulance. Also send for a police squadron.
The Best Arena