Thursday Night Turmoil
July 2nd, 2009 – #HOW61
The Best Arena, Chicago IL
Results and a Banning..dont blink
The HOTv logo quickly gives way to the Turmoil banner and then quickly cuts live inside a full Best Arena and we cut to the announce team as Thursday Night Turmoil is on the air!!
Joe Hoffman: Welcome folks to another edition of Thursday Night Turmoil, I am Joe Hoffman and as always I am joined by Big Buff Benny Newell and Benny word is that this is our home after this upcoming Mayhem….no more Mayhems after this next Monday as that roster is hitting the road!
Benny Newell: Who gives a flying fuck about Mayhem? I have been saying it for weeks…shit I said it on Monday……Turmoil is the flagship show of HOW and that is because….
Before Benny can finish “Undead” by the Hollywood Undead hits The Best Arena public address system and the crowd stands as one as they know the owner of HOW is on his way out and the boos have already started..
“….Lee is running this show!”
Joe Hoffman: Well there is no doubt who is running what around here that you are darn right about. This is Lee’s show and let’s face it…this is Lee’s company.
Benny Newell: Damn right it is..
The cameras cut away from the announcers and focus in on the entrance ramp as the High Octane Vision screen above the entrance ramp plays highlights featuring the owner of HOW.
Suddenly all attention is diverted as Lee Best makes his way out from the entrance ramp with Kirsta Lewis by his side.
Lee is dressed in a mint three piece suit and Kirsta is dressed in a one of a kind black satin Calvin Klein dress. It has a very low cut V-neck with spaghetti straps and is flowing from the waist to the floor. She is sporting a brand new long beaded necklace around her beck and she waves at the crowd as they begin what is now a customary chant here inside The Best Arena..
Joe Hoffman: Well you can hear how the fans feel about Kirsta Lewis but tonight I must say she is dressed like anything BUT a whore…wow is she …gorgeous?
Benny Newell: Fucking right she is. Her and Lee are dressed to the tilt tonight and look at them…a match made in heaven.
Joe Hoffman: I dare someone to say that was what they pictured when we reopened last April….but I digress as the owner of the company is coming down to the ring and no doubt he has something to say about what went down last week….here is a replay as Lee and Kirsta make it into the ring…
The HOV and the live feed for HOTv cuts to a video replay of the assault on Lee Best by Bobbinette Carey last week to end Turmoil….followed by the Kiss heard round the wrestling world…Carey kissing Kirsta.
There is actually some cheering as the video is replayed in slow motion….again….and again…and..
“SHUT IT FUCKING DOWN!!”
Lee screams into the microphone as the replay quickly is stopped on the HOV and back live inside the arena we see Lee is now standing in the center of the ring and Kirsta is to his right.
She is holding onto the arm of Lee with both of her arms and rests her head on his left shoulder as Lee smiles as he points at Kirsta with his right hand and the makes the universal gesture for getting head.
Seeing this Kirsta nails Lee in the balls with a quick potshot with her right hand and Lee falls down to his knees as the crowd actually cheers the couple.
Joe Hoffman: Well…..ya…match made in heaven you said?
Benny Newell: That was foreplay…c’mon Joe…when’s the last time you had some anal beads wrapped around an ICON title and you sat on it picturing all the sweat….blood….and…
Joe Hoffman: BENNY!!!!!!??????
Benny Newell: I saw it on Redtube.com….what you thought….OH COME ON…ME? ANAL BEADS?
Benny’s face turns red as he opens up his official HOW flask and takes a shot as back in the ring Lee is back on his feet and after motioning to Kirsta that he might just choke a bitch, he faces the camera and addresses all the fans watching inside the arena named for him and of course the millions watching on HOTv.
Lee Best: Before we get to why we are out here let me just get this outta the way and quickly….Darkwing has been BANNED from MY ARENA tonight because of his continued slandering of one Terry Bollea….NOW…Last week I was kicked in the jaw by a Hall of Fame whore who decided that after weeks of not being here that she would suddenly reinvent herself by shoving that hammertoed infested boot and plant it on my money making face……Bobbinette Carey…
The crowd pops loudly for the mention of Carey causing Lee to pause.
Lee Best: BOBBINETTE CAREY…..is and has always been jealous of Kirsta…let me rephrase that…MY KIRSTA LEWIS!
The crowd boos at the notion of that.
Lee Best: Everywhere these two have been Carey has always been the one to stir the pot. Have you seen or heard Kirsta Lewis bad mouthing Carey? Have you seen or heard of Kirsta making banners of Carey having diseases and posting these banners all over HOWrestling.com? Have you even ever heard Kirsta MENTION the name of Whorinette Carey? The answer is simply…no.
The crowd boos loudly at that…
Joe Hoffman: Wow….Darkwing banned and although the crowd might not like it but I hate to admit it but Kirsta has done nothing to provoke Carey since her return..
Benny Newell: Or ever numnuts. That bitch Carey is just jealous..
Back in the ring Kirsta has once again is holding onto the left arm of Lee and is resting her head against him as Lee continues.
Lee Best: This past week Kirsta was once again named the top female wrestler in all the land and where was Carey…number 4. I mean there are two cunts between these two…….hmmm….
Kirsta elbows Lee in the ribs before Lee can even articulate what he was thinking about that last statement…
Lee Best: ….dammit woman….anyway…..Kirsta is the QUEEN of Wrestling and Carey can just drop that whole Queen B moniker because she’s not even second best anymore….frankly I would of forgotten she was even a member of the Turmoil roster if she didn’t kick me in my fucking grill…which brings me to KISS and the reason we are out here….DOCTOR!!
Lee and Kirsta turn their attention towards the entrance ramp as a man appears dressed in full doctor attire and is hastily making his way down to the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Well its finally time to hear the test results. For those of you who missed it, over on HOWrestling.com earlier this week it was reported that Lee took Kirsta to Cook County Hospital here in Chicago to have her tested for any type of disease she might or might not of gotten after getting kissed by Bobbinette last week on Turmoil.
Benny Newell: My money is on Herpes. I mean come on..those dick sucking lips have more scars and bumps than the back of Triple P.
Joe Hoffman: Honestly? I mean really..you went there?
Benny just shrugs as the cameras turn back to the ring where the doctor has climbed into the ring and after being handed a microphone by a HOW crewmen he takes his place next to Lee and we see that the Doctor has a big manila folder that has LEWIS,K. on the tab.
Lee Best: Ladies and gentlemen this is Dr. Gordon M. Trenholme and he is a doctor at Cook County Hospital and he specializes in infectious disease and performed a very thorough exam of Kirsta earlier this week and is out here to announce the findings……doc?
Gordon M. Trenholme, M.D.
Lee turns it over to the doctor who reaches into his lab coat and pulls out a pair of glasses and then proceeds to open up the folder and then looks up at Lee who nods at him to continue and Lee pulls Kirsta close and they two share a warm embrace.
Kirsta goes to give Lee a kiss but Lee leans his head away from her and motions for her to focus in on the doctor.
Dr. Trenholme: After a very thorough exam by Kirsta on ….oh sorry..ahem….
Lee looks at the doctor and then at Kirsta and then just shrugs and motions for the doctor to continue..
Dr. Trenholme: Sorry about that Mr. Best…ahem….after a very thorough examination of Ms. Lewis that included extensive blood work it has been proved without a shadow of a doubt that Ms. Lewis was indeed infected by Ms. Carey…well at least I am 51% SURE she got it..
Lee gives the doctor a look and the doc quickly stops rambling and continues.
Dr. Trenholme: The disease has no known cure and has infected several thousand Americans just this past year and I encourage…let me rephrase this…I INSIST….that Ms. Lewis come see me weekly so we can monitor this situation.
Lee and Kirsta are floored by the announcement and the crowd is in literal shock.
Joe Hoffman: She’s infected??
Benny Newell: Oh no…what about Lee????
Kirsta has buried her head into the chest of Lee and Lee pats the air, trying to push her off him. He is finally able to and Kirsta falls to her knees and buries her head into her hands.
Lee Best: What does she have Doc? How long does she have doc?
Lee looks very somber as he looks at the Doctor.
Dr. Trenholme: The term we use is adhesive capsulitis and it …
Lee doesn’t want to hear anymore as he turns away from the doctor and walks to the far turnbuckle and places his head on it as Kirsta is crying in the center of the ring as the doctor continues…
Dr. Trenholme: ….can lead to marked limitation of range of shoulder motion, a condition called a frozen shoulder….also known as Jobberitis.
Lee Best: OH MY GOD…NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY RING…..GO!!!
Lee turns and rushes the doctor who quickly rolls out of the ring with the help of the HOW crew as Lee falls to the canvas next to Kirsta and the two embrace as the crowd begins throwing trash into the ring…
Joe Hoffman: What a disgrace!! Lee Best comes out here and wastes all our time with this…JOBBERITIS talk?? Come on….i mean really? Obviously Carey and Kirsta are clean of any STDs or anything else and Lee just made a mockery of this whole situation.
Joe looks to Benny for one of his usual comebacks but as the camera cuts to the announcers we see that Benny is literally shaking and is as white as a ghost…
Benny Newell: Jah…jah…..ober…..ritis……back…….nooooo
Joe can only shake his head as he takes HOW to a commercial break as the first couple in HOW are now outside the ring and are slowly making their way back up the ramp and as we break for commercial we see a final image of Kirsta falling to her knees in despair.
Lee Best sponsored event right outside of Chicago Illinois in Toyota Park home of the Chicago Fire of the MLS!!!
Spooked from the Show?
Back live and the crowd is still buzzing over the opening segment and inside the ring the crew has cleaned up all the trash that was thrown at Lee and Kirsta.
Joe Hoffman: I am not going to even comment further on what we just witnessed but I do want to touch on the fact that Lee Best has banned Darkwing from the building?
Benny Newell: Jah….jah…
Joe Hoffman: OH stop it!!
Benny starts laughing and takes a drink as Joe can only shake his head…
Joe Hoffman: Wait a minute ladies and gentlemen. I am told we have breaking news concerning one of our own on the Mayhem roster. Let’s see if we can… Yes, I can hear the report now.
Benny Newell: What? Are the strippers here with the beer? I hope they don’t have frozen shoulders…actually..wouldnt matter …
Joe Hoffman: No… I’m now getting word that a terrible accident has just occurred outside the arena about twenty minutes ago. It appears that someone from our roster… wait a minute, I’m getting a name…
Benny Newell: You had better not be getting me worked up for no one.
Joe Hoffman: They have confirmed that Joseph “Spook” Gregory was indeed riding in the vehicle when the accident occurred.
Benny Newell: Are you sure? I thought he didn’t ride in those things.
Joe Hoffman: I’m sure. He was apparently riding in the back… wait… I am being told that we have a cameraman outside getting live footage of this.
The cameras cut to a SUV looking vehicle completely engulfed in flames. The accident looks like it was a t-bone with the other vehicle striking the side front of this SUV. The other vehicle is sitting about fifteen feet away to the left of the SUV.
Joe Hoffman: It doesn’t look too good folks. He is supposed to face Ethan Cavanaugh, who is making his debut in the HOW.
Benny Newell: Of course it looks good. It means that we don’t have to sit through another boring match between two newbies.
Joe Hoffman: Can you not joke about this now?
Benny Newell: Who’s joking? I didn’t come here to watch boredom in action.
Joe Hoffman: Well he was supposed to fight second tonight. We’ll see what happens after the first match concludes..folks we are going to take another commercial break….as we have people scrambling all over the place right now.
Benny and Scotty still adding to the bottle cap total…
John Lexicon vs. Scottywood
Back live and The Oath by Street Sweeper Social Club plays as John Lexicon makes his way to the ring as Hoffman and Benny continue to talk about the test results that were revealed in the opening segment of the show by Lee. Hoffman doesn’t seem to be able to believe that Kirsta Lewis came up clean and Benny reminds Joe that she isn’t…she has Jobberitis courtesy of Carey. Joe shrugs him off and reminds everyone that this match is a hardcore match courtesy of the stipulation in Scottywood’s contract.
Already at ringside, John Lexicon grabs a steel chair and climbs into the ring and then Scottywood’s music fills the arena.
OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH, You Gotta Keep ’em Separated
“Stricken” by Disturbed plays as a loud chorus of boos echo through the arena as Scottywood makes his way out onto the stage with hockey stick in hand.
Bryan McVay: Now making his way to the ring from New York City, weighing in at 265 pounds….He is The Hardcore Artist…..Scottywood!
Scottywood continues to make his way down the entrance way, focused on the ring and ignoring the boos and comments from the fans around him. Hoffman talks about Scottywood’s recent slip up with alcohol with Benny while Benny defends his boozing buddy. Scotty slides into the ring and goes to the far corner where he leans against the turnbuckles and raises the hockey stick high in the air.
Hoffman briefly reminds the fans that this is a hardcore match due to the contract stipulations that Scottywood agreed to, and Benny criticizes Hoffman and wonders aloud if Hoffman is going to mention that for every single Scottywood match for the remainder of his contract.
Joel Hortega calls for the bell to start the match.
DING DING DING
John Lexicon raises the steel chair over his head and charges at Scottywood who quickly takes the hockey stick and swings it smacking Lexicon in the gut with the stick and causing him to drop the chair. Lexicon is bent over holding his gut when Scottywood grabs him and throws him shoulder first into through the turnbuckle pads and Lexicon’s shoulder crashes against the pole.
Joe Hoffman: Scottywood is on his toes here tonight. He must not have dipped into the gin yet.
Benny Newell: It’s not gin…. It’s Jack Daniels!
Scottywood lifts Lexicon up for an atomic drop but instead plants Lexicon on the top turnbuckle. Scotty pulls Lexicon backwards and hooks his head and drives him down onto the steel chair with a reverse DDT from the turnbuckle.
Joe Hoffman: It looks like Scotty is in full control of this match here tonight.
Benny Newell: It’s a true showing of Scotty’s potential here in HOW.
Lexicon is out cold and Scottywood picks him up off the canvas and places Lexicon into a front face lock, and throws his left arms out to side as he screams and then takes his left arm and grabs the back of Lexicon as Scotty falls backwards and spikes the top of his Lexicon’s head onto the steel chair again.
Benny Newell: STD!!!!!!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: That’s SDT Benny!
Benny Newell: Sorry I still have those test results on my brain.
Joe Hoffman: But Lewis is clean.
Benny Newell: No she’s isn’t….Jobberitis anyone?
Scottywood places a foot on Lexicon’s chest as Hortega counts the fall.
DING ~ DING ~ DING
Bryan McVay: Here is your winner in 1:35…… SCOTTYWOOD!!!
Benny Newell: LEXICON HAS JOBBERITIS!! HELP QUICK!!
Scottywood grabs his Hockey stick and makes his way over to Benny at the commentators table. Benny pulls out some Jack Daniels and a couple of shot glasses . Benny pours a shot for himself and one for Scotty and they clink their shots together and drink them down. Then from out of nowhere a steel chair comes crashing down across Scotty’s skull sending him crumbling down to the ground. Bobbinette Carey jumps the guardrail holding the dented chair. Bobbinette grabs the bottle of JD from Benny and Scotty slowly gets up and turns around only to have the almost full bottle of JD smashed up against his head.
Benny screams in terror at the waste of alcohol as Bobbinette jumps the railing and makes her way back through the crowd.
Joe Hoffman: What in the world just happened?
Benny Newell: What the fuck is her problem? Why did she just attack Scotty!?
Joe Hoffman: I would’ve assumed she would have been looking for Lee or Kirsta, not Scottywood.
Benny Newell: I bet that skank breath is in love with Kirsta Lewis and is trying to ear her love.
Joe Hoffman: I don’t know about that Benny… but then again… I don’t know what that was all about either.
A replay of what just happened is shown on the HOV as the ring crew gets ready for the next segment of the show.
Joe Hoffman: I am completely baffled by Carey…..someone has to interview her and quick. But before we can get to that up next is the contract signing for the World Championship match and its odd that it’s going to happen in a few moments.
Benny Newell: Ratings baby…plus I have a feeling that Lee wants all the BA members to get in and out of the ring quickly before they catch….it.
Joe can only roll his eyes as the crowd is still buzzing over the actions of Bobbinette Carey.
*The camera follows the road crew as they frantically begin to roll out a red carpet to cover the canvas and place a table in the middle with two chairs at either side, two microphones have been placed beside each chair.
This is in preparation for the match signing between Issac Slade and Aceldama for their world title match at Capital Punishment. Official ring announcer Bryan McVay is standing in the ring, holding a microphone and ready to introduce the two stars to the ring*
Bryan McVay- Ladies and gentlemen, this shall be the official match contract signing for the world title match at Capital Punishment!
*As this news is delivered it sends the fans into a frenzy, chants of ‘Slade, Slade’ can be heard throughout the arena. These are broken by the sound of Aceldama’s theme music, ‘Bloodline’ by Slayer as coming out to ringside, dressed in a black suit with black shirt, Aceldama looks rather smart, dressed for the occasion. By his side is Lee Best, holding a briefcase which contains the contracts for each superstar to sign. Also following in the rings are Best Alliance members Shocker and Mark ‘The Explosive’ O’Neal*
The crowd is booing loudly as the Best Alliance makes their way out and Lee can be seen smiling ear to ear.
Joe Hoffman:Where is Kirsta? What the hell? Aceldama is bringing in the big guns for a match signing? Obviously he is expecting some retaliation from Slade after what he done to that poor kid last week.
Benny Newell: You look too deep into things, they are obviously here for the moral support, nothing more, nothing less. Plus like I said….they are getting air time now so that they can get the hell outta here before they catch Jobberitis!!
Joe Hoffman: Yea right, these men are here to show muscle, nothing more, nothing less and will you please shut up about that!!
*Aceldama climbs up the steps and sits upon the middle rope, allowing Lee Best to climb through first. He then proceeds to climb under the middle rope, preceded by Shocker and Mark O’Neal. Aceldama calmly takes the seat facing the entrance way, staring at it in preparation for his opponent Issac Slade to make his way to the ring. Shocker and Mark O’Neal stand behind him with their arms crossed whilst Lee Best is standing by the table, opening his briefcase and putting the contracts at either side*
Joe Hoffman: Slade is like a lamb to the slaughter, four against one here, but this isn’t even a match! But it could turn into a vicious beating, looking at Aceldama’s game plan to come out with the muscle.
*’Rise from the Ashes’ by Quietdrive begins to power through the arena, sending the fans once again into a mad frenzy. The song continues but still no Issac Slade. Aceldama sits with a sick grin, thinking he has won the mental battle, but just as quickly as his grin comes onto his face; it is wiped off as Issac Slade makes his entrance to the ring, followed by three members of the Chicago Police Force!
The three police officers march behind a very focused Slade, his happy demeanor all but gone as he stares into the eyes of Aceldama. He climbs the stairs and proceeds into the ring, Mark O’Neal makes a move forward, but the arm of Aceldama extends as though to stop him in his tracks. Issac Slade takes a seat, still not taking his eyes off Aceldama. The police officers stand behind Slade, making it well known to the three men opposite that they are carrying truncheons*
Joe Hoffman: And with that this is no longer an unfair advantage, Issac Slade has recruited members of our very own police department to assist him down to the ring. A very wise move on his behalf I believe.
Benny Newell: I think the one on the right arrested me for a DUI a while back. Bastard.
Lee Best: Right, let’s get down to this. This is the…..
*Lee Best is interrupted by Issac Slade who picks up the microphone and proceeds to butt in, much to the disgust of Lee*
Issac Slade- Before we start Lee, I would like to ask Aceldama something, why? Why did you do what
you did to that kid? What did he ever do to you?
*Aceldama lets out a little laugh, a snigger even as he slowly picks up the microphone, chants of ‘Coward’ can be heard throughout the arena but just like Slade done to Lee moments before, he interrupts their chants*
Aceldama- Issac, Issac, Issac, why must be dwell in the past? Here you are, sitting here tonight; about to sign yourself into the biggest match of your career, you should be looking to the future, forgetting about the past.
Issac Slade- No, I need to know, why Ace why? What did he do to you? He is a sixteen year old child!
Aceldama- Fine, your curiosity knows no bounds. Why did I attack him? Why did I send a sixteen year old child through double glazing glass? No real answer really…..just because I can. I gave that kid what he wanted, the chance to see his hero in the flesh. Backstage, with his lucrative VIP pass, he would have just been another number, another countless fan waiting that thirty second scribble onto a notepad. Instead, I gave him Issac Slade, day in, day out. Constant visits, hours on end. Would he of got that backstage? No. So, in a way, I helped the kid. So what if he got a few little cuts here and there, it brought him closer….to his hero. What did he do to me you say? *shrug of the shoulders* Nothing really, but in the end, he helped me, and I helped him. I helped him get closer to you, he helped me……..by getting into your head! I see the guilt running through you, the constant visits to his bedside, very smooth, the gifts, the assurances. I am already winning Slade, I am in there, do you feel my footsteps?
Lee Best: Right, before I was RUDELY interrupted there, that shall not happen again. This is the contract signing for the world title match at Capital Punishment, all the technicalities are there, read through it and sign on the dotted line and let’s make this official….and get the hell outta here before Carey infects someone else!
*The two men take the documents and begin to scour through them, reading every fine detail. A few minutes passes and several pages later, Slade has finished first as Aceldama’s reading problems mean he is a little slower to reading the contract. He requests a pen which is handed by Lee Best, the infamous Bottom Line pen. Slade signs on the dotted line, handing the pen back to Lee. Aceldama has just finished, Lee reaches out to hand him the pen, but he refuses to take it*
Aceldama- I am not signing this.
*The fans erupt at this news, shock through each of their bodies at Aceldama’s rejection. Even Lee Best is shocked*
Joe Hoffman: Oh my god! Aceldama has refused to sign the contract!
Benny Newell: Bold move on his behalf, let’s see if it pays off.
Lee Best: Ace, why the hell are you not signing this, we ran through this together for god’s sake, it’s got everything you wanted!
Aceldama- The final page is missing.
*Lee picks up the contract from Aceldama and begins to scour to the back. Aceldama is right, a page is missing. Lee grits his teeth in anger at this error*
Lee Best: The last time I send Kirsta on a simple errand, all I told her was, two copies of every page please, is that hard enough to ask. …but again she hasn’t been feeling too well after what Whorinette did…Ah well, you are right Ace, without that final page this contract is not worth nothing, I shall get someone down to collect it. Shocker, go to my office and grab the final pages please. The final page is the important one after all…….it has the stipulation.
Aceldama- Maybe if I could tell of this stipulation Lee?
Lee Best: Be my guest…
*Shocker leaves the ring and proceeds backstage to collect the final missing pages*
Aceldama- Slade you claim to lead the perfect life, believing that all out there can be good, that all in the world can be pure. You tell your fans and others to ‘Have Faith’, to believe in something, in anything. You are a god fearing man, as we all are, but what scares us more is what comes after, when we go. For some, those who kept their faith shall live an eternal life in heaven. The others….shall burn in hell. Me Slade, I have lived a life of sin, too late to repent. My nature is that of a sick, twisted, monster whose eternal resting place shall be within hell, both in life and in death. I live a personal hell, but I want to share this….hell I have upon earth. So Slade, I have chosen you. I aim to drag you into hell!!
Joe Hoffman: He is not saying what I think he is about to say?
Benny Newell: That I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter tastes EXACTLY like butter?
Joe Hoffman: No you idiot, have you been listening?
Benny Newell: I drift in and out, something about a match….and hell…..and police officers. I don’t know, I am lost here.
Aceldama- On August 3rd it shall be you Slade, and me….in a Hell in a Cell Inferno Match! The most deadly of all matches, hell on earth, the fire shall burn strong. On August 3rd Slade I shall drag you into hell, and you will not come back. All faith will be gone!
Lee Best: So there you have it, the final page of the document Slade, if you want to wait to read it first it is fine by me, we can scrap that signature of yours there….
Issac Slade- There is no need. I accept the stipulation. Fine, you want me enter your own hell Ace, so be it, keep the door open, I am coming in. Before it was about standing up for myself, to show to you that I will not tolerate bullies, but now…..I want your title! I want to take it from you, as you do not deserve it! This title deserves better. This title down the years has had respected, dignified holders. Then there is you, nothing about you gains respect, nothing about you is dignified. I want to take this title from you, not for me, but for these fans, for this federation, because in a champion, they deserve better!
Lee Best: Beautiful speech Issac, my eyes doth water, but there is another paragraph to this final page, another important piece of information. Now, this match is a big one, there is a lot of weeks before it, I do not want either of you to succumb to injury by the others hand, that shall not do. So I add this to the contract. Neither yourself Slade nor Aceldama are allowed to physically touch one another until Capital Punishment. If this is broken by yourself Slade, you shall lose your chance at the world title, and Ace, if you shall break this rule you lose your stipulation, plus the $100,000 you paid to acquire it. Do I make myself clear?
*Both men nod their head in unison. Meanwhile Shocker has just returned to the ring with the final pages as he gives them to Lee, who hands one to Aceldama whilst Slade refuses, simply staring down Aceldama. Aceldama signs the contract and hands it to Lee Best*
Lee Best: And now it is official, at Capital Punishment on August 3rd for the World title it shall be Aceldama against Issac Slade in a Hell in a Cell Inferno match.
*The two men stand up, staring at one another. Aceldama rather sarcastically outstretches his hand as if to want a handshake from Issac who obviously refuses. Slade turns around and all of a sudden out of the blue Aceldama, falls forward onto the table, making it look like an accident, but obviously deliberate, pushing the table forward and smacking into the back of Slade who falls to the ground*
Joe Hoffman: What the hell!! He just hit Slade!
Benny Newell: It was an accident, anyhow, he didn’t PHYSICALLY touch him, the table touched him
Joe Hoffman: What a load of bullshit!
*Aceldama sees Slade on the ground, picking up the microphone he walks over to him, mocking him, wanting him to retaliate*
Aceldama- Go on, hit me! Hit me!
*Slade looking up at him simply does nothing as the members of the police force move forward, intimidating Aceldama with threats of pulling out their truncheons. Slade walks away and leaves the ring, leaving Aceldama within the ring, but Aceldama has something final to say, something haunting and downright chilling*
Aceldama- Oh Slade, I almost forgot, your mother says hello. Wonders why you never call around lately?
*Slade does not know what to think of this, but it has him stirred, he simply carries on to walk towards the entrance, thinking it is merely mind games to get to him, but something in the back of his mind has him concerned. He does not want to hear anymore so he leaves the ringside arena and goes to prepare for his match. Aceldama stands in the middle of the ring with Mark O’Neal, Shocker and Lee Best, knowing he has sent a chilling message out to Slade*
Benny Newell: Sorry I homed out there, did Aceldama just say he is sleeping with Slade’s mother?
Joe Hoffman: No you idiot, but simply mind games on the behalf of Aceldama. To bring a family member into this is downright insulting. We are taking a break folks, when we come back we shall have a few words from none other than Aceldama’s opponent tonight, the bold, the brave, the probably downright stupid Bob ‘Fucking’ Jared. Be right back folks.
HELL IN A CELL INFERNO WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Issac Slade vs. Aceldama©
ICON CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Maximillian Kael vs. Shane Reynolds©
LSD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Christopher America vs. David Black©
HALL OF FAME RESPECT IS EARNED MATCH
Mark O’Neal vs. Darkwing
The crowd begins to cheer as Issac Slade is seen walking backstage, looking like a man on a Mission he moves through the hallways with purpose, coming to a stop next to a water cooler he grabs a paper cup and pours himself a drink, throwing his head back he drinks deeply…
???: BOB JARED RUUUUUUULES!!!
The former ICON Champion loses his cool and let’s out a gargled squawk spitting water all over the wall in front of him, coughing and wiping at his face he turns around and goes wide eyed at the man standing before him.
Standing there in all his glory is the largest man Issac has ever seen, three hundred pounds at least he’s wearing a Bob Jared T-Shirt (Several sizes too small in fact) The result is Bob Jared’s face stretched out to comical proportions, his face is painted up like he just came from a football game, and the man is so supercharged with energy that Issac has to take a step back.
Issac Slade: Hi there! What can I do for you sir?
Recovering his composure Issac puts on a smile
???: You can point me in tha direction of BOB FRIGGIN JARED!
The man exclaims bouncing on his feet
???: I’m Bob Jared BIGGEST fan! THREE HUNDRED SIXTY NINE POUNDS of Bob Jared Loyalty!
The fan exclaims slapping his chest, Looking down Issac see’s a Backstage pass hanging from the mans neck
Issac Slade: Ahh so it looks like you won some kind of contest? And now you get to Meet Jared himself?
Fan: Dayum Right! I know all the Bob Jared facts you betta believe it! Only thing I don’t know is where in the hell he is! Think you can help a feller out mister Slade?
Ever happy to help a fan even if it wasn’t his own Issac nods and motions for the man to follow him, seeing as how he was looking for Bob himself he doesn’t see the harm in leading the fan to his mark, immensely pleased the fan follows after Issac all the while repeating Bob Jared “Facts” he’s heard about over the internet.
Fan: I know everythin about em! Like they say he killed him a bear when he was only two! I mean Davey Crocket didn’t do nuthin like that till he was Three! Oh and they say that Bob Jared CAN touch MC Hammer he just doesn’t want to…cause he aint one oh them queer folk…not that there aint nothing wrong with Queer folk…I’m just sayin! Oh an they say Bob Jared can eat a five dollar bill and shit SIX dollars worth ah change!
Issac blinks as they walk digesting these factoids, he breathes a silent sigh of relief when he see’s Bob Jared coming out of a locker room up the hall, the Fans chatter dies away and a look comes over his face, one akin to a man who’s just seen God in all his glory…
Bob Jared: Hello Isaac, and who might you be young fella?
Fan: I’m your BIGGEST fan that’s who! I’m THREE HUNDRED SIXTY NINE POUNDS of loyalty towards YOU!
Bob “Fucking” Jared of course surprised by this mountain of a man that stood before him but he couldn’t help but be amazed that he was indeed meeting his biggest fan, who look like he ate about ten other fans on the way in.
Fan: I even painted this on my torso for good luck!
As the fan continues, Slade slowly walks away ignoring the fact that he came to pump up Jared for his big match with Aceldama later in the show….he just wants to get out of the immediate area…and NOW!!
The camera shifts back to the fan who has lifted up his Bob Jared t-shirt to reveal the words GO BOB crudely painted on in red paint before lowering it back down.
Bob Jared: Oh, that’s a…great. Yup, that sure is great, thank you, I really appreciate the support.
Fan: I know every single fact about you to! I have them all memorized, like they say that your chest hair can turn lumps of coal into diamonds! And how you can see the Invisible Man. Not to mention that one fucks with you! Not even Chuck Norris!
Bob Jared: What else do you know about me besides Bob Jared facts? That is, if you really are my BIGGEST fan.
Fan: Oh! I can easily prove that I’m your BIGGEST fan. I know that you were one half of the Stylin’ Stallions with “Diamondback” Mick Nicholas as your tag team partner. You won every tag title you to ever came across until Mick got busted for drug abuse and forced the big split which SKY ROCKETED your career as a singles competitor! Without Mick at your side you were EASILY able to capture every singles title that you ever wanted during your time as a southern wrestler. With your unique throwback wrestling style you were able to cruise through each federation you joined in a matter of months! You were able to continue this trend for years and now you are in High Octane Wrestling, the greatest wrestling show on EARTH! And now that you are a part of it it just makes it all the more BETTER!
Bob Jared: You seem like a smart guy, it’s not often that I get my past acknowledged around here enough. How would you like an autograph and a souvenir, son?
Fan: I would LOVE it! BOB JARED RUUUUUUULES!!!
Bob pulls out a permanent marker from the pocket in his black blazer jacket.
Bob Jared: Do you have something that I can sign? I don’t have any pictures of myself to hand out right now…
Fan: That’s ok, YOU CAN SIGN MY FOREHEAD!
Bob Jared: Fair enough, who should I make it out to?
Fan: To your BIGGEST fan, Jon! That’s who!
Bob nodded and wrote on Jon’s forehead with the marker, “From Bob Jared to Jon. my biggest fan.”.
Bob was surprised that he was able to fit all of that.
Bob Jared: And for your souvenier…
Bob reached into his chest hair and pulled out a hunk of the chest hair almost effortlessly, from where he ripped the hair out on his chest it grew back automatically. He handed it to Jon, which he so gratefully took from his idol.
Jon: Thank you Mr. Jared! THANK YOU SO MUCH! You don’t know how happy you’ve made me! I can die happy now!
Bob Jared: Please, call me Bob. So tell me Jon, where will you be seated tonight for Turmoil?
The two of them walked off, shooting the breeze and whatnot with the camera pointed at their backs as they both walked down the hallway together.
Ethan Cavanaugh vs. Joseph “Spook” Gregory
Scene fades into Joe Hoffman and Benny Newell at ringside.
Joe Hoffman: Alright ladies and gentlemen it’s now time for the match between the Spook and Ethan Cavanaugh. Word from the street outside is that they have just put the vehicle fire out, and are about to search the wreckage for any sign of the Spook. We can only hope that…
Suddenly Ethan Cavanaugh’s music hits!!!! Out walks the HOW newcomer to a few cheers to the crowd.
He begins to make his way to the ring.
Benny Newell: Guess word hasn’t made it back to numb nuts that the match is called off.
Joe Hoffman: We don’t know that yet. It could still be on.
Benny Newell: So could fire crotch’s panties, but I don’t see Char Char walking down here to fight in any matches. I have a feeling he’s feeling a little too crispy.
Joe Hoffman: Would you cut that out. You disgust me sometimes.
Ethan Cavanaugh reaches the ring, and climbs in. He walks straight to the back of the ring, and gets the microphone from the time keeper, and returns to the middle of the ring.
Ethan Cavanaugh: Looks like my first challenge here in the HOW is going to no show tonight.
Ethan Cavanaugh shrugs his shoulders.
Ethan Cavanaugh: So much for my… what was that, my “cleansing”? The only cleansing that will be done tonight is your ashes from the rear seat of that vehicle.
Ethan Cavanaugh simply smirks at the crowd as a handful of people boo him.
Ethan Cavanaugh: Well since he won’t be showing up, I guess…
Suddenly the arena goes pitch black, and “Cleansing” by Marilyn Manson starts to blast over the speakers. The after a few seconds or so of darkness the house lights return on with no one at the top of the ramp. Everyone in the arena sees Joseph Gregory standing behind Ethan Cavanaugh, except Ethan Cavanaugh.
Ethan Cavanaugh: Hey sound crew. He’s toast, literally.
Joseph Gregory reaches up, and taps Ethan Cavanaugh on the shoulder. Ethan Cavanaugh lets the microphone drop to his side, and a look comes across Ethan’s face that he knows what is about to happen. Spook then levels Ethan Cavanaugh with a right as he turns around, and the bell rings to start the match.
Joe Hoffman: Well here he is, one of our new talents, Ethan Cavanaugh, he is showing some promise here…..let’s see how he does against fellow newcomer, Spook.
DING DING DING
Cavanaugh scrambles to his feet, only to eat another right hand, then a hard suplex from the big man
levels Ethan and his back bows up.
Joe Hoffman: How many times have we seen a big man establish his power early…Spook showing it here.
Spook picks him up and nails a scoop slam. He then runs the ropes and goes for a HUGE leg drop…..
Ethan rolls out of the way! Ethan tries to stretch the back a bit to shake off the pain from the slams, then Ethan scrambles to his feet and grabs the left leg of Spook and elbow drops it several times before dropping both knees across it as Spook cries out in pain.
Joe Hoffman: Ethan trying his best here to cut the tree down to his size.
Ethan proceeds over the next few minutes to perform various attacks on the knee, even wrapping it around the ring post and slamming it across the apron at one point.
Finally, Ethan goes for a figure four, but Spook kicks him as Ethan turns to lock the legs, and Ethan goes into the ropes, and out of the ring!
Joe Hoffman: What power by Spook! Spook showing great resiliency after that car accident!
Spook gets up and limps over to the ropes. Ethan is up and he reaches in and grabs the bad leg and drops Spook to the mat and smashes his leg across the apron!!
Ethan slides in and locks in an Indian death lock!
Joe Hoffman: And now the deadly Indian Death Lock applied.
Spook tries to reach for the ropes, but it’s to no avail. Spook then sits up and begins inching himself and Ethan towards the ropes. He lays back and reaches….
Joe Hoffman: hes got the ropes!!!!
Boettcher calls for the break and Ethan breaks the hold then manages to drag Spook away from the ropes and covers as Spook is grasping onto his leg…
Ethan keeps on the pressure, applying a leg bar. Spook gets to the ropes after several agonizing moments.
The crowd is begging for a high impact move, stomping their feet and clapping as Spook gets to his feet and Ethan is stalking him….
Ethan rushes in and turns Spook and kicks him in the gut….Ethan then applies a pump handle…..he tries to power Spook up, but Spook is much too big and all the sudden, Spook powers out and nails a stiff headbutt!!! Spook then grabs Ethan and lifts him up and goes for a running powerslam, but Ethan slides off his back, lands behind him, and shoves him into a corner chest first!!! Ethan then hits a chop block!!
Ethan then grabs the leg and goes for the figure four again, but Spook grabs Ethan by the throat when he tries to lock it in!!
Spook slowly gets to his feet, the whole time, his hand around the throat. He lifts Ethan for a chokeslam, but the leg buckles and Ethan lands on his feet, breaks free and dropkicks Spook in the knee!!
Ethan applies a half boston crab!! Spook is yelling in pain, he reaches for the ropes, but they are too far, and Spook suddenly powers out!!
Ethan nearly falls down, as Spook slowly gets to his feet. Ethan charges, but Spook counters with a HUGE Arn Anderson styled spinebuster which takes the wind out of Ethan!!!
Joe Hoffman: What a spinebuster!!!
Spook tries to cover, but the knee is bothering him. He then gets up, and limps toward the ropes. He leans against them, shaking the leg and trying to get it loose. Ethan slowly gets to his feet, and Spook hobbles over, trying to charge in…
ETHAN COUNTERS WITH THE TYNSIDE!!!!!
Ethan nails the STO and tries to lock in the modified arm triangle choke, but Spook is much too big to apply it so easily, and Spook suddenly powers out, and Ethan backs away as Spook rolls away trying to recover! Ethan then goes up top, as Spook gets to his feet. Ethan signals to the crowd and as Spooks turns Ethan leaps off for a double axe handle….
BUT SPOOK COUNTERS NAILING ETHAN WITH THE PIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: OH MY GOODNESS!!!! SPOOK JUST HIT THE PIT OUT OF MID AIR!!!!
Spook nails the double choke bomb and keeps his hands across Ethan’s chest as Boettcher counts….
Joe Hoffman: Just like that, the match is over!!!
DING DING DING
WINNER OF THE MATCH VIA PINFALL IN 8:10………SPOOK!!!!
Joe Hoffman: Ethan Cavanaugh put up a good fight, but in the end, Spook with the knockout blow to win the match, with that vicious double choke bomb finisher of his.
Benny Newell: HA! That numnut lost even though Spook was hurt!!!? Long way to go for Ethan Numnuts.
Joe Hoffman: I understand we are about to cut backstage but as anyone not found Bobbinette Carey? We gotta hear from her sooner or later…
Benny Newell: Whorinette is hopefully getting treated for that Jobberitis…….what I do know is that we got a Marvelous Return about to go down!!
Back inside the ring cameras capture Spook as he rolls out the ring and is limping away and Ethan is holding his head in pain as scene cuts elsewhere!
Marvel-ous Return Confirmed!
We cut to the back, where we see the returning Masked Marvel in the back, standing in front of the camera, as he shakes his head. Boos emanate from the arena quite quickly as The Masked Marvel rolls his eyes and responds.
TMM: Honestly, people…you’re seeing one of the all time LEGENDS of High Octane Wrestling return here tonight on Turmoil and you people have the nerve to BOO me?! Honestly, if HOW hasn’t changed since I left a year ago, it’s just gotten worse…hmm…Charles…
The Masked Marvel calls out toward his camera man, who’s controlling the camera, but the man doesn’t respond. Furrowing his brow, The Masked Marvel calls out the name yet again.
Charles sighs, knowing what’s going to happen.
TMM: Where are we currently located?
Charles: You know where we are at…we’re at the Best Arena in Chicago…
TMM: Ah, that’s right. One of the filthiest cities on Earth in terms of foul language and suggestive themes! I bet there’s just a cesspool of talent here on Turmoil…like that Bobbinette Carey. The Masked Marvel carried her when they were teaming together and now she’s forced to getting attention by engaging in homosexual activities?!
The Masked Marvel shakes his head as her continues.
TMM: But that is not the reason why I am here in front of you people right now. No…I came here to HOW a year ago because I had a vision. No longer would people across the world fear such terrible things as poverty, language, or alcoholism. No, The Masked Marvel has come back to SAVE people from all of that. My conservative views know no bounds, and I will stop at nothing to drive my ideas through all of your thick skulls…
The Masked Marvel pauses, shedding a tear as he continues.
TMM: But, ah…I left HOW last year to take a break. I mean…The Masked Marvel needed to save others! I mean while beating people like Kirsta Lewis and Kostoff were easy for someone with such technical skill such as myself, I needed to tend to the people of Metroville! I mean, who else would save Mrs. Applebottom’s cat from her tree? Or help Old Man Jones cross the street? Not that cane, I tell you! But now The Masked Marvel is back, and HOW? You are about to get a dose of Marvelocity that you could never have even possibly imagined!
The crowd boos as The Masked Marvel smiles.
TMM: Ah, right. I know you people don’t like being told what to do. I guess it’s just going to have to take some time….I have that, you know. No, right now you couldn’t care less about me…but in due time…you’ll learn to love me. You’ll learn to love my technical prowess…and in due time, you will conform to The Masked Marvels views.
More booing ensues as The Masked Marvel grins, then walks away, revealing an American flag in the background.
Official Affiliate of High Octane Wrestling.
Bobbinette “Queen B” Carey vs. Mark “The Explosive” O’Neal
Scene cuts from commercials to Joe Hoffman and Benny Newell at ringside.
Joe Hoffman: Well Benny, I have been eager to watch this upcoming match all night. It’s a battle of Hall of Famers and these are usually great matches. Remember Kostoff versus Darkwing last year, Darkwing versus Bobbinette Carey and Graystone versus….
Benny Newell: …..yada yada……Carey is stuck in the same rut as she was earlier in the year. Meaning she will lose this match. Plus that bitch has went nuts. How dare she fuck with Scottywood. You know Scottywood bought me some vintage Crown Royal?
Joe Hoffman: Um, no……
“Give it away” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers hits!!!! Out walks the Explosive One, Mark O’Neal as pyros go off to his sides. The fans start booing him and you can see signs in the crowd as the camera pans to see the heat being given O’Neal.
‘2.4 = Losers’
‘Explosive, or a dud?’
A few signs are highlighted as O’Neal slides into the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Well here is Mark O’Neal, and he is hungry for a big win here, he hasn’t beaten anyone of merit since his return, and you know that has GOT to be eating at the Explosive.
Benny Newell: Well, I’m sure he’ll be eating something…..
Joe Hoffman: BENNY!!!
Benny Newell: I couldn’t resist. But ya, Marks gonna win this match. If it wasn’t for the fact Carey was a chick id take a nap, but I gotta stay up for this!
Joe Hoffman: Was that a compliment for the Queen B?
Benny Newell: Well I couldn’t care less about that whore. But you ever see the it….
Joe Hoffman: ANYWAY!!!!! Here comes the Queen B now!!!
‘Circus’ by Brittney Spears hits and out walks Bobbinette Carey to a HUGE cheer from the fans. Carey is holding her pet dog Princess in her left arm as she waves to the fans.
Joe Hoffman: Not too many people in HOW can claim this kind of reaction from our fans, but this woman has always been a favorite to the crowd.
Benny Newell: Well it sure isn’t her cooking that won them over.
Carey walks to the far side of the ring and places Princess in the care of the timekeeper. She then climbs up on the apron and makes a final pose for the crowd before stepping through the ropes and stretching.
Hortega points at each wrestler, then calls for the bell as Mark charges Carey!
DING DING DING
Mark tries for a lariat, but Carey ducks it, and runs the ropes, and Mark bounces off and the two shoot back at each other….Mark goes for a spear, but Carey dives over him and rolls back to her feet as Mark crashes and burns and is lying on the second rope!
Carey runs toward Mark and nails a hesitation drop kick to Mark as he lays over the rope!!!
Mark falls to the mat and Carey does a handspring into an elbow drop!!! Carey covers….
Joe Hoffman: Barely a two count.
Carey pulls Mark up and nails several punches, lefts and rights in combination. She then winds up for a huge shot, but Mark pokes her in the eye. He then grabs Carey by the hair, and runs toward the ropes with her and tosses her over the ropes!!!
Benny Newell: Great strategy by Mark.
Joe Hoffman: Um..yeah…if you want to be underhanded.
But Carey skins the cat and as she pulls herself back up, Mark turns around and sees her and charges and nails a running shoulder charge to the back, which sends Carey awkwardly to the floor!!!
Joe Hoffman: did she land on her NECK!!?
Mark smiles as the fans boo. He climbs out of the ring and pulls up Carey and picks her up and drops her across the ring barrier that keeps the fans out. He then picks her up and does the same thing but over the ring apron. Carey is struggling to catch her breath as Mark tosses her into the ring. He slides in and stalks her then lays into her with boots as the fans start cheering for Carey.
Mark pulls up Carey and then lifts her into a fireman’s carry and then walks over toward the ropes and tosses her up into the air and into the ropes, but Carey grabs onto the rope and lands with her feet on the second rope!!
Mark has turned around already and doesn’t see this as Carey drops back to the mat and is still trying to recover. Mark is smiling and he turns back to Carey and pull her up…
Carey with a seated jawbreaker!!!!!
Mark stumbles away holding his jaw as Carey gets up, and she runs the ropes and passes mark then comes from behind him, leaping into the air with incredible grace and vertical leap and nails the ROYAL
Joe Hoffman: The ROYAL FLIGHT!!! The flying neckbreaker connects!!!
Carey then gets up as Mark is trying to get to his feet. Carey runs the ropes again and shoots back…Mark goes for a tilt-a-whirl, but Carey counters with a head scissors!!!
The fans cheer as Carey gets up, full head of steam, and she is in a flash up top as Mark gets up.
Mark is down, and Carey gets up again, then nails a rolling thunder before finally covering Mark!!!
Joe Hoffman: Mark caught off guard by those series of moves by Carey, and it looks like she isn’t stopping!
Mark has a look of shock on his face as he gets to his feet. Carey again runs the ropes. Carey goes for a wheelbarrow bulldog, but Mark counters into belly to back suplex!!!!
Joe Hoffman: What a counter!!!!!
Mark gets to his feet and is staring down at Carey, angry now. He grabs Carey aggressively and nails her with a reverse DDT. Carey is laid out and O’Neal signals that’s it. He climbs the top rope, and signals as the fans boo.
Joe Hoffman: MISS!!!!
Mark misses the EXPLOSIVE DROP top rope splash as Carey sat up at the last second!!! Mark bounces off the mat and turns, laying on his back. Carey inches backwards and on top of Mark as Mark is holding his midsection…
Carey rolls away, still hurting as Mark uses the ropes to pull himself up.
Carey gets to one knee as Mark gets to his feet. Carey sees Mark out of the corner of her eye and suddenly gets up with a second wind and goes for a super kick!!
Benny Newell: CHICK KICK!!!!!
But Mark catches her foot!!!! Mark then spins her around and goes in and lifts for a belly to back suplex, but Carey turns in mid air and lands on top of Mark for a pin!
Mark scrambles to his feet, as does Carey, but Mark ‘Explodes’ at her as Carey turns…
Joe Hoffman: WHAT AN EXPLOSIVE SPEAR!!! BOBBINETTE CAREY COULD BE BROKEN IN HALF!!!
Benny Newell: YES!!!!!
Mark is on his knees as he looks down at Carey who is laid out. Mark hooks the near leg….
Joe Hoffman: THIS MATCH HAS GOT TO BE OVER!!!!
Benny Newell: WHAT!!!? Damn bitch!!! Stay on her Mark!!
HOV shows the replay of Carey being nailed with the spear from mark. Then it shows the near fall.
Mark has a desperate look on his face as he pulls Carey up and nails her with a side Russian leg sweep!!!!! Mark smiles and hooks the far leg this time…
Joe Hoffman: What resiliency by Carey!!!
Mark gets to his feet and stares down at Carey with disbelief. He then pulls her up and sets her up for a power bomb.
Joe Hoffman: Looks Like Mark is going to end this match…..
Mark lifts Carey up…..
Carey suddenly starts nailing punches…Carey then pushes off of Mark and lands on her feet in front of him, then does a handspring and nails the ROYALITY CHECK!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: THE ROYALITY CHECK OUT OF NOWHERE TO COUNTER THE TIME BOMB!!!!! MARK ONEAL JUST GOT SPIKED ON HIS HEAD!!!!!
Carey is too worn out to make the cover after that huge hurricanrana as the fans buzz and chant ‘CAREY CAREY’
Joel Hortega exercises his ten count…
Mark still hasn’t moved as Carey slowly crawls toward him…
Carey is almost there as she is willing herself near the upper body of Mark O’Neal.
Carey suddenly dives forward and gets an arm across his chest….Hortega counts…
MARK ONEAL KICKED OUT!!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: Mark O’Neal not done yet!!!
The fans start clapping as Carey pulls herself to her feet. Carey then signals up top and climbs the top….Mark is stirring as he gets to one knee…..Carey dives off…
She hits a double axe handle to Marks face!!!
Joe Hoffman: ROYAL CROWNING HITS!!!!
Mark staggers and Carey runs the ropes, and goes for a spinning heel kick, but Mark catches her out of mid air, and tries to power Carey up and turn it into the TIME BOMB, but Carey counters that into a tornado DDT!!!!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: WHAT A COUNTER!!!!!! CAREY MIGHT HAVE THIS ONE IN THE BAG!!!! CAREY WITH THE LATERAL PRESS!!!
Benny Newell: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! WE NEED A VACCINE!!!! MARK MAY HAVE THE DISEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MARK ONEAL SOMEHOW GOT THE SHOULDER UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Benny Newell: YES!!!! We need to get a doctor out here and get a sample of his blood!!!
Joe Hoffman: Carey almost won this match!!!! And darn it Benny, stop it!!!
Carey gets up and can’t believe it. She climbs the top again and motions for Mark to get up. Mark is woozy and he gets to both knees and crawls away toward the center of the ring.
Benny Newell: HA!! Mark too smart for that!!! She can’t hit him from there!!….WHAT THE FUCK!!!?
CAREY IS WALKING ON THE TOP ROPE!!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: IVE NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE!!!!
Mark gets to his feet smiling, that is until he looks up and sees Carey standing on the top rope!!!
CAREY DIVES OFF FROM THE CENTER AND NAILS MARK WITH THE FLYING B CLOTHESLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: WHAT ATHLETICSIM!!!!!!! CAREY JUST WALKED THE ROPES AND NAILED THE FLYING B CLOTHESLINE!!!!
The fans are going apeshit as Carey covers!!
Joe Hoffman: Mark won’t stay down!!!
Carey pulls Mark to his feet, and kicks him in the gut. She then runs the ropes as Mark bends over. Carey shoots back at Mark and goes for a sunset flip, but Mark sits down on Carey!!!!
Joe Hoffman: COUNTER!!!!
CAREY REVERSES INTO A PIN OF HER OWN!!!
Mark and Carey scramble to their feet and Carey is a step slower and Mark knees her in the gut and then Mark pulls her in and sets her up for the TIME BOMB!!!
Joe Hoffman: Here it comes!!
Mark lifts Carey up for the TIME BOMB, but Carey wraps her legs around Mark in a head grapevine and
Mark freaks out and Carey leans backward so that she can control her fall to the mat as both Hall of Famers fall to their sides and Carey has Mark in a leg scissor choke hold with Marks face buried in her crotch area!!!
Joe Hoffman: THAT!!! That’s the same hold Carey beat Mark with at War Games!!!!!!
Carey looks desperate as Mark struggles. Suddenly he seemingly goes limp and Hortega lifts the left arm of Mark….it falls.
Again…..the arm falls a second time!!!
Benny Newell: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! THIS IS THE MAIN WAY TO TRANSMIT JOBBERITIS!!!! FIGHT IT MARK!!! FIGHT IT!!!!!
Benny Newell: NO!! NO!!! NO!!!! FIGHT IT LIKE THE DOG IN I AM LEGEND!!!! FIGHT IT TILL THE END!!!!
Again….the arm falls…!!!
BUT MARK SUDDENLY CATCHES HIS ARM AND THEN POWERS HIS WAY TO HIS FEET AND LIFTS CAREY UP WITH HIM AND DRIVES HER DOWN WITH A FALLING VERSION OF THE TIME BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: OH MY GOD!!!! MARK COULDVE JUST BROKE HER NECK!!!!
Benny Newell: YES!!! MARK JUST FOUND THE CURE!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: *sighs*
The falling Jackknife Powerbomb forced Carey to land awkwardly on her neck and Mark is free of the hold!! Mark coughs a bit and finally hooks the far leg as the fans are buzzing at the sudden counter into his finisher!
DING DING DING
Benny Newell: YES!!! YES!!!! THE BITCH LOSES!!! WE HAVE A CURE!!!!!
WINNER OF THE MATCH VIA PINFALL IN 13:44……MARK ONEAL!!!!
Joe Hoffman: What a match that was!!!! O’Neal picking up a huge win against fellow hall of famer Bobbinette Carey that saw a lot of exchanges there. Carey tried to put Mark to sleep again with that choke hold but Mark O’Neal showed tremendous spirit and tenacity to power her up into the air and down into his finishing move for the 3 count.
Benny Newell: Stupid bitch lost even after she attacked Scottywood…ha! She should’ve attacked Mark like that too!!
Hortega is checking on Carey in the ring as she is laid out holding her neck. O’Neal slides out of the ring and raises his arms up to plenty of boos.
Scene cuts to commercial as we see a final shot of Bobbinette Carey laid out in the ring and the victorious O’Neal.
Now with a Hall of Fame Section…..
~Back stage walking back from the ramp we see Bobbinette just coming from behind the curtain after her match. Standing there awaiting her return is the anxious Brian Bare. He has a microphone aimed with the camera man ready as the queen of Epicness is holding her neck and limping back stage. She’s got an annoyed look on her face as she looks behind her as the curtain falls. She turns to see a Microphone in her face and Brian standing there smiling.~
Brian Bare: Bobbinette we just witnessed a hellacious match between you and Mark O’Neal. We got word that you actually agreed to this interview.
Bobbinette Carey: Brian you’ve been trying to talk to me all night.
~She sighs and stands off to the side near the wall where she can lean against it to catch her breath.~
Bobbinette Carey: I guess I need to get this done….
~Bobbinette says holding the back of her neck.~
Brian Bare: First I have to say, why did you take out Scottywood?
Bobbinette Carey: Why? Seriously? No comment…
Brian Bare: Well what about what happened with Kirs-
~Bobbinette raises her hand quickly.
Bobbinette Carey: Look I am uberly I’m tired of the rumors. I don’t have to justify my actions right now…. But what I can say is that I am so not done with what I’m doing and you’ll see what I mean later tonight.
~She starts to walk away from Brian as he pauses and raises the Mic after her.~
Brian Bare: Is there anything that you can say about the past two weeks or any of the actions you’ve done?
~Bobbinette looks over her shoulder her hand still holding the back of her neck. She slowly nods and walks back.~
Bobbinette Carey: Yes… that sometimes to get what you want you have to do things you may not agree with..
~Bobbinette says narrowing her eyebrows as her jaw tightens.~
Brian Bare: And just what is it that you want? What bout Jobberitis??
~Bobbinette doesn’t respond, instead she just walks towards her locker room ignoring everything Bare is yelling at her.~
The action cuts away from Bobbinette and back to the parking lot where we see Lee Best getting into a limo with Shocker and Mark O’Neal in tow. Kirsta can be seen standing in front of Lee talking to him.
Kirsta Lewis: Lee you know EVERYONE wants to see me beat that Whorinette all the way out of HOW…so wont you just let me?
Lee Best: Money. I am going to save that match for later on down the road…besides..you remember the deal we made right?
Kirsta just nods and leans in and Lee gives her a big hug.
Lee Best: Look I gotta get going. Mark and Shocker gotta get outta here before they are infected with your Jobberitis……I should cancel the damn Main Event but I think Ace is immune to what you got…I mean its positive now…Mark proved Carey has it.
Kirsta pushes herself away from Lee and looks at him with a twinkle in her eye..
Kirsta Lewis: You know it might affect my shoulders from getting up off the mat but it is a good thing I use my mouth and legs in the bedroom…
Lee Best: Ya fucking right it is a good thing….but can it spread? I don’t need any frozen vaginas in my bed…
Kirsta rears back and smacks Lee across the face and then pulls him close and gives him a deep passionate kiss before pushing him away and turning and heading back towards The Best Arena as her match with Issac Slade is next.
As she walks away the cameras pan back towards Lee and we see Mark walking up next to Lee…
Mark O’Neal: Lee I think I feel my right shoulder getting a little tight…we gotta get the hell outta here…
Lee turns and looks at Mark who is smiling from ear to ear….
Lee Best: We gotta hurry as I need to be back here before the end of the show….lets go..
With that Lee and The Mercenaries climb into the limo and it speeds away as we go to commercial.
HOW Classics debut this weekend with Hall of Fame host Darkwing!
Kirsta Lewis vs. Issac Slade
The opening chords of ‘Rise from the Ashes’ beams across the Best Arena as the fans begin to go wild in anticipation of their favourite star, Issac Slade. Slade enters the arena, somewhat downbeat as to his normal self, but he puts on a face for his fans as he gives them a salute at the top of the ramp. He walks down the ramp slapping hands with his ever faithful fans, making his way to the ring, he slides under the bottom rope, psyching himself up for the match at hand, trying to remove the events of earlier out of his head*
Bryan McVay: In the ring from Louisiana, weighing in at 220 lbs……..Issac Slade!!!!
Joe Hoffman: Slade obviously not letting the mind games of Aceldama get to him and he seems focused on the task at hand as he takes on Lee Best’s own kitty cat, Kirsta Lewis.
Benny Newell: Hey! Disrespectful, that woman has given me one of the greatest masturbation material in my lifetime, and that is without paying extortionate fees for online porno!
Joe Hoffman: And you said I was disrespectful? Kirsta so far unbeaten here in High Octane and one has to say she has a challenge ahead of her as she faces this man Issac Slade, who also is coming out of a great return, beating Mark O’Neal in a very close match.
Benny Newell: Kirsta has this in the bag; she has luck on her side. She locked lips with Bobbinette Carey and walked away STD free..but I am afraid the Jobberitis might kick in!
*’Animal’ from Nickelback pipes into the arena’s PA system as Kirsta Lewis, accompanied by Lee Best, who is whispering something into her ear whilst pointing at Issac Slade, she keeps nodding as if she is getting some sort of orders. Lee leaves the ringside area, not before giving Kirsta a small slap on the ass as she proceeds down to the ring area, sliding under the bottom rope and standing directly opposite Issac Slade*
Bryan McVay: And his opponent from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, weighing in at 130lbs……Kirsta ‘The Hellcat’ Lewis.
*The match is officially underway as Issac Slade, who in an act of respect for the veteran Kirsta outstretches his hand. Kirsta sees it as somewhat strange, she looks at him oddly, then decides it might be a trick so she acts first, kicking him in the mid section, winding him and reeling him forward. She follows up with a chop to the back of Issac, then another. This sends Slade to his knees. Kirsta sends herself bouncing into the ropes opposite Slade and comes down with a diving slide tackle into the face of Slade, sending him to the canvas flat*
Joe Hoffman: Good start by Kirsta, showing good momentum.
Benny Newell: Wise thinking by Kirsta, obviously remembering what happened the last time someone outstretched something at her, being Bobbinette’s whorish mouth!
*Kirsta tries to keep Slade on the ground, taking her knee and placing it into Slade’s neck, a blatant choke hold. The referee begins to count, one, two, three, four. Kirsta lets go of the hold, still trying to keep Slade onto the canvas, she grabs him by the throat and puts him into a sleeper, getting down on her stomach beside him, using all her strength in the hold, but not too much to make the move illegal. The referee keeps a watchful eye on her, ensuring the hold is indeed a sleeper. Slade begins to fade, but then pulls himself out of it, trying to wriggle free, but Kirsta has it locked in good. The referee lifts up the hand of Slade, but it does not fall even halfway as Slade is now up on one knee, sending Kirsta up on one knee with him. Now Slade is midway up, the hold still on by Kirsta. Kirsta cannot stop the sheer force of Slade getting to his feet, now he is on his feet and Kirsta is now finding it hard to hold the sleeper, due to her size. But she is holding well, her balance is debateable however, as she is on her tiptoes. Slade raises his hand, swivels around, now his head released from Kirsta’s grip and now he quickly grabs Kirsta by the head and plants in implant DDT. Kirsta is laid out flat on the canvas now, Slade on one knee once more trying to catch his breath.*
Joe Hoffman: Perfect implant DDT by Slade there, but the sleeper of Kirsta has had its effect.
Benny Newell: She is having an effect on me right now, thankfully broadcasters, it’s under the table.
Joe Hoffman: Disgusting. Wait Slade is going for the pin!
*Slade rolls Kirsta to her front and goes for the pin, forgetting to hook the leg*
*Kirsta easily kicks out as Slade picks her up by her hair and flings her to the ropes, as she returns in her direction he plants her with a clothesline, sending her back to the canvas. He looks to the top rope as if to say this is it, it is time for the Freefall. He drags Kirsta by the legs into the centre of the ring, miles away from the ropes as she lies motionless in the middle of the ring. Slade walks over to the turnbuckle and proceeds to climb it. He gets to the top as the fans go wild, about to see his finishing manoeuvre, he takes to the air, the elevation perfect, the frog splash hits its target of Kirsta….one slight problem. It hit Kirsta’s knees, as she was able to get her knees up at the last second as Slade’s sternum went crashing into them. Both are now laying flat upon the canvas.*
Joe Hoffman: We thought it was all over there folks, but Kirsta just got her knees up in time and now you must say she has the momentum once more.
Benny Newell: She is very good at getting things up, if you catch my drift.
Joe Hoffman: I merely acknowledge it. Now can Kirsta overcome this momentum and be the first to her feet?
*Kirsta rolls onto her side, shaking off the cobwebs, she turns to see Slade is flat out cold beside her. She tries mercifully to get to her feet, she pulls herself to the ropes and grabbing them hoists herself up. Meanwhile Slade is beginning to come through, rolling also onto his side. Now on her feet Kirsta proceeds to walk over to Slade, who is still groggy and picks him up by his wrestling pants. She takes his head and puts it between her thighs, as she looks at the crowd. She tries to lift him up, but Slade’s feet between to wriggle in an attempt to stop it, but she knees him in the face and in an act of unbelievable strength, manages to get Slade almost over her head with a powerbomb! The crowd begin to chant ‘Holy Shit, holy shit!’
Joe Hoffman: Oh my god! Kirsta Lewis with an UNBELIEVABLE show of strength there, a woman of a mere 130lbs just powerbombed a man nearly double her weight!
Benny Newell: Well she is used to lifting Lee’s…….oh what I would of gave to be Issac Slade right there, in between those tight thighs….makes me wish I was a wrestler.
Joe Hoffman: It has obviously taken a lot out of her as she is feeling the strain of it also.
*Holding her back in pain Kirsta begins to feel the effects also of her act of strength, but Slade has barely moved. Kirsta basically falls upon Slade for the pin*
*Slade kicks out at the last second, Kirsta cannot believe her luck. She rolls away from Slade and once
again uses the ropes to hoist herself upwards. In a fit of rage she stands goading Slade to get up, waiting her moment to strike. Slade slowly makes his way to his feet and the second his final foot touches the canvas and his body is upright Kirsta charges at him with a spear, but Slade skips to the side grabbing her as the passes and throwing her further through the ropes and to the outside. Slade pulling himself together goes to proceed to go outside, but he stops as the High Octane Vision screen comes on. It is Aceldama, he is standing outside a house, he walks over to the mailbox and grinds his nails across it as he walks on, the name on the mailbox ‘Slade’, he walks up the driveway and to the door, where he rings the doorbell, standing looking at the screen as if he is looking at Slade, the door opens and there is a woman who angers, old in age, it is Issac Slade’s mother, they speak for a second, but there is no sound, then Aceldama proceeds inside after the door is opened and he is invited in. The door closes as the High Octane Vision screen goes black. Slade begins to shake his head in disbelief, not wanting to believe what he has seen. He rolls under the bottom rope and proceeds to walk up the ramp in the direction of the entrance. Referee Matt Boettcher begins a count, Slade turns around, knowing that if he leaves now, he forfeits the match, in a conflict of sorts he decides to turn back, his face laced with so much emotion. He picks up Kirsta, his face crumpled up with rage and flings her into the steel steps, her back hitting it with a massive thud*
Joe Hoffman: Very uncharacteristic of Slade there.
Benny Newell: He just found out Aceldama is nailing his mother, leave him alone.
*Boettcher has now got to seven and shouts at Slade to get her back into the ring or be disqualified, Slade takes Kirsta and rolls her under the bottom rope and he himself also follows suit. Boettcher has some stern words for Slade regarding his throwing Kirsta into the steel steps, Slade acknowledges and apologies to him, knowing it was in a fit of rage, he turns to Kirsta who springs to life with the Hell’s Bitch Kick but Slade ducks and the kick plants Boettcher straight in the face and he falls backwards and out of the ring. Startled by what has happened Slade tries to react quickly as he gets Kirsta in a Russian leg sweep sending her to the mat, he proceeds to grab her face and lock in a cobra clutch. Kirsta is tapping mercifully, but there is no referee. Slade after a few moments lets go of the hold and walks over to the ropes, looking down at Boettcher, shouting at him to get up, then…the High Octane Vision screen comes back on again, gaining his attention once more. It shows Aceldama and his mother climbing a flight of stairs and walking into a room, all the time Aceldama walking behind her, looking at her with evil eyes. The room is Issac’s old room from when he was a child. Her mother walks over and picks up a photograph in a frame of him as a high school football player, dressed in full attire. All this time Slade is standing in the ring, nearly ripping his hair out, shouting, no, no, this cannot be. They exit the room and proceed down the stairs, Aceldama looks at the camera, then takes his hands out as if he is going to push her…then it stops. Slade is torn. Boettcher is know on his feet, leaning to the canvas outside, obviously still groggy. Slade is still standing at the ropes, looking at the screen, nearly in tears.
Meanwhile Kirsta from behind delivers a low blow which sends Slade reeling, he turns to be met this time by the Hell’s Bitch Kick. Kirsta goes for the cover….all the while Boettcher is slowly making his way to the ring*
*NO!! Slade raises his hand in what seemed to be a forever count. Kirsta is erratic at what seemed to be a forever count, but Boettcher is having none of it, he points to outside and his neck as if to say you are the one that kicked me out there. Kirsta can’t believe it so she decides to no longer complain and goes back to Slade, she leans down and is met by a devastating uppercut which sends her reeling backwards. Slade gets up and grabs her arm and flings her hard into the turnbuckle, she hits it hard and comes out to his direction and lands another clothesline. He wastes no time in getting back to the top turnbuckle as he comes crashing down upon Kirsta Lewis with the Freefall, he violently grabs her leg and goes for the cover, Boettcher, still groggy, gets down slowly for the pin*
DING! DING! DING!
Bryan McVay: Your winner in a time of sixteen minutes forty two seconds……Issac Slade!!
Joe Hoffman: Great win for Slade there as Kirsta really gave it her all, but I have to feel her powerbomb, even though impressive, probably took a lot out of her two. Kirsta can definitely hold her head high in defeat, she gave a great showing here and some of her reactions were excellent.
Benny Newell:JOBBERITIS…JOBBERITIS…ITS NOT HER FAULT!!…….*sighs*… But Slade must be reeling at his whore of a mother, imagine, bringing him into his own room to do the dirty stuff
Joe Hoffman: Slade is somewhat reeling from the footage shown, I hope she is ok.
*Slade is getting to his feet quickly as from the entrance Aceldama, still in his suit from earlier stands at the top, giving a rather cocky clap to Slade. Slade stands reeling*
Aceldama: I am sorry Slade about the quality, my camera was somewhat shoddy.
*Slade has had enough, he jumps over the top rope and begins to charge towards the exit as Aceldama quickly leaves, Slade in hot pursuit*
Joe Hoffman: Slade better be careful not to slip into the mind games of Aceldama, cause he strikes him, he loses his world title shot.
Benny Newell: I wouldn’t strike my future step-father, just makes for a broken home.
Joe Hoffman: Well folks next up we have the legend that is Bob Jared, who through the gauntlet out to Aceldama for a challenge, will it be a wise one, I highly doubt it, but then again, I have been surprised many times in my career, I never thought he would beat Lexicon and he proved me wrong. That’s up in a few minutes but right now I understand we have to cut backstage.
We cut back to the locker room of one Joseph “Spook” Gregory as he sits on a bench with another man, and Thomas standing in the room with him.
Peter: I told you that he’d be after you tonight, and he’ll be after you again the first chance. Your brother has completely lost it, and is willing to do whatever it takes t eliminate the threat that he sees that you are.
Joseph: I know this Peter. I have known for years that his ambitions would blind him, and turn him against even his own blood. He has never seen the same kind of allegiance to his family as he does the Catholic church now. By the way thank your friend for getting out that phony information that I was in that vehicle.
Peter: Well what do you plan on doing?
Joseph: Well I think I put a proverbial black eye on that smug face of his. I am sure that he told the church he could take care of me in exchange for more power in the church. Well now that I have survived two attempts at my life I am sure the church is not looking at him as confidently. Now I take the battle to him.
Peter: By what exactly? Fighting him? I doubt fights will clear his head like they used to when you two were growing up.
Joseph: I agree, but I fear that they didn’t truly do the job then either. Don’t worry, though, I do have some tricks up my sleeve. Now any more word on the insider?
Peter: No. I haven’t heard anything. There may not even be anyone on the inside.
Joseph: I have a hunch, and they usually pan out. Just keep checking.
Peter: Alright. Well keep yourself safe.
Peter then leaves the room to Joseph and Thomas.
Joseph: Come lad. It’s time we take our leave.
The two of them leave the locker room.
Next week on Turmoil… LEE’S LETHAL LOTTERY!!!
Captain Morgan Club
Scene opens inside a crowded bar. You can see several Cubs fans watching the Brewers and the Cubs on HD Tvs. Plenty of fans are watching the game, when suddenly Darkwing can bee seen on camera, smiling, dressed in an Ernie Banks Cubs jersey with his wrestling shorts on with black Nikes.
Darkwing is at the bar as a few of the fans near him suddenly recognize him and start chanting.
Darkwing motions for the fans to settle down as a lot of guys are screaming at the camera realizing they are on TV.
Darkwing: Hey Lee! Thought TNT, MY SHOW would go by without me just because I cant come to the arena? I just wanted to reiterate the events that are going to transpire hin the coming weeks. But first, I want to welcome the live audience to a LIVE NIGHTCAST right here!!! At the Captain Morgan Club just outside Wrigley Field and I am flanked with some of the most passionate Baseball fans in the WORLD!!!
The bar explodes in cheers and Darkwing downs a shot of something next to him on the bar.
Darkwing: Irish Whiskey…after not drinking for 3 years…..good Lord. Anyway, I have some very special guest here tonight. As my first segment will be dedicated to you, Mark O’Neal!
Suddenly the camera pans to the left and next to Darkwing is a small family. An average height white man with graying hair alongside his wife, her hair dark, the cheeks a bit wrinkled but the color still there. It is obvious this woman was hot as fuck in her younger years. The couple have on Milwaukee Brewers jerseys on and caps to go with matching pants and shoes with the Milwaukee symbol on it.
Darkwing: Mark O’Neal….I’ve found them….after years and years of searching…..after countless clinical studies and interviews….I HAVE FOUND YOUR 2.4 FANS!!!!!!!
The rest of the bar boos and show thumbs down symbols for the mention of Mark O’Neal.
‘LETS GO CUBS!!’
‘LETS GO CUBS!!’
Darkwing: What’s your name?
Darkwing motions to the man.
Man: My name is Jerry Johnson. This is my wife….Judith.
Darkwing: welcome to the NIGHTCAST…..and I have it that you have been Mark O’Neal fans since his debut?
Jerry: Yes, me and Judith are die hard Mark O’Neal fans and honestly, I hope he beats you at Capitol Punishment, because I have never had roast Duck before!!
Cubs fans in the bar boo at this.
Darkwing: I’ve had roast Duck…I wasn’t impressed. Anyway, how does it feel to know that the only other fans of Mark O’Neal in the world reside in your own home?
Judith: Well, our son is a bigger fan than we are, and you know I love Mark O’Neal’s whole Explosive thing he’s got….my dad was a demolition expert so I really dig that!
Darkwing: Great story June Cleaver. Wait….I remember seeing something about you guys being Irish?
Judith: Why yes!
Darkwing: okay…..so your dad is Irish.
Judith: Yes! Why do you ask?
The bar nearly explodes with cheering as the Cubs just scored again, Derek Lee hitting a grand slam as you see the replays on the HD TV that dot the bar. The Cubs fans both in the bar and in the stadium are nearly coming out of their seats as the Cubs are leading the Brewers.
Darkwing has to settle guys down so he can continue his interview.
Darkwing: Well I mean, your dad was Irish…..demo man…..IRA, right?
Judith: Why I never! How rude!
Darkwing(shrugs): I mean…duh…..doesn’t take a genius to figure that out…….
RUFUS JACKSONS HORNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A Pimp Called Rufus yells out, the camera pans to the right and at the end of the bar you can see Rufus there, in an Alfonso Soriano jersey, downing some Hennessey straight from the bottle. The camera pans back to Darkwing.
Darkwing: Okay, Average American Family…you mentioned a son….is he really a fan? I mean, Mark only has 2.4 fans. So your son would make 3 and THAT’S not possible.
Suddenly the camera pans to the left and you see a man in a wheelchair. He rolls up next to Jerry and Judith, and is scowling at Darkwing. He’s wearing a Mark O’Neal t-shirt, with Best Alliance Skull cap and has a replica HOW title belt with Mark O’Neal’s name on it.
But he’s missing both legs and his left arm.
Darkwing: Who are you?
Man in Wheelchair: I am the third fan!!! I am Sam!!
Darkwing looks him over and appears speechless.
Darkwing: Okay……so you are actually the .4 fan?
Sam: Listen man, you wanna know how I lost my legs and my arm?
Darkwing: Not really.
Sam: chasing a fuckin arab in a cave in Iraq! They threw some nade’s at my platoon, killed 3 guys.
Darkwing: Sorry to hear that.
Sam: Fuck your sorry man, the fuckin Government did this to me. You think I wanted to lose my legs!? I can’t get laid to save my life! Shit don’t even feel right when I try to jerk my shit off I was left handed.
Sam: What mom? Don’t matter, everybody knows cripples jerk off more than even retards. Can’t get some ass if it was on our lap. At least Retards are cute sometimes.
Darkwing: Okay…..let’s get back on topic here….you are a Mark O’Neal fan. What about O’Neal do you like? Lord knows it isn’t his personality.
Sam: Well fuckin first thing is Mark is a true bad ass. Not like you, DUCK. If it wasn’t for fuckin George Bush charging me a federal tax on my fuckin lower torso, id get up and whip your ass myself! Mark is gonna whip your sorry ass from pillar to post, cause Mark O’Neal said so!
Darkwing: I can’t believe you combined Jim Ross and Austin in the same sentence. Anyway…..listen….I’m glad you guys represent all of Marks fans, but seriously…the dude best retire if all the years he has been wrestling, the only people who care about him are the stunt doubles for June and Ward Cleaver, and the new poster boy for the Special Olympics.
Suddenly Rufus Jackson walks by and starts admiring Judith.
Rufus Jackson: Damn bitch…older the berry, sweeter the juice indeed! Nice titties on ya…..some ass…..would you like to massage my balls?
Judith blushes and Jerry steps in and defends his wife.
Jerry: Hey! This is my wife!
Rufus Jackson: I don’t give a DAMN. My boxers are made out of Laffy Taffy mothafucka….dont even need a condom in this bitch!!
Jerry: Hey YOU…I told you….
Jerry starts trying to shove Rufus out of the way, then Rufus nails him with the PIMP CANE.
Rufus Jackson: GOT yo dumb ass. What the fuck? Professor X?
Sam gets offended because he does have his hair cut short…
Sam: Shut the fuck up man!
Judith: Arent you going to do something about your father!!?
Sam: Hell no! He was a pussy anyways, he followed the Government blindly and look what happened!?
They took away our benefits! They took away my legs!!! I CANT EVEN WATCH JENNA JAMESON AND CUM RIGHT HANDED!!! FUCK BUSH AND OBAMA!!!!!
Camera suddenly cuts to Darkwing who was slowly being edged out of the shot due to the arguing and Jerry getting knocked out. Darkwing slams his fist on the bar.
Darkwing: WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA!!!! THIS IS MY SHOW!!! Fucking hell…..Listen Mark O’Neal, tonight lee may have delayed me, but next week I am going to start my plan of revenge on the Best Alliance and Lee Best, and too bad Mark, you are the first. RUFUS!!!!!
Rufus was palming Judith’s left breast, and Judith had apparently forgot what it felt like to have a young strong hand massaging her breast as she melts into Rufus’ arms.
Darkwing (sighs): Mark, your only fans are a dysfunctional family. This is only a sign that you don’t belong in the ring with ME, the PARAGON OF POPULARITY, DARKWING!!! O’Neal….enjoy tonight…..congratulations on your big win over Carey…..because you will be facing a grown ass man at the pay per view….not an undersized female wrestler.
The cubs just beat the Brewers after several home runs including a grand slam from Derrek Lee. The fans start giving each other high fives, ignoring the Johnson family as Sam is sitting there fuming and Rufus is leading Judith out the door with a hand on her ass.
Rufus Jackson: Time for Rufus to get some PUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK WITH ME BITCH, CAUSE A NIGGA GANGSTA!!!!! A TRIPLE DOUBLE EVERY NIGHT!!! TO THE PIMPMOBILE!!!!!
Darkwing just stands there staring in an annoyed state as he looks back at the camera and shrugs. The fans now are paying attention since the game is off and everyone crowds Darkwing as smiles.
Darkwing: Next week is the beginning of the end. Now everybody…..this ones for Micheal….DRINK!!!
Everyone downs a shot or some beer as Darkwing slams the shot glass on the bar, then the fans all start going apeshit and chanting Darkwing’s name…
Darkwing: AND THAT’S ALL THAT NEEDS TO BE SAID…CAUSE THE DARKONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fans: HASSSS SPOKEN.
Darkwing looks around at the fans all surrounding him.
Darkwing: HAS SPOKEN…………DRINK!!!!
Everyone has another shot as the scene cuts to ringside for the Main Event!!!
Bob Jared vs. Aceldama
Brian McVay: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is your Main Event of the evening!
Kiss My Country Ass by Rhett Atkins blares out of the sound system in the Best Arena, and Bob “Fucking” Jared appears atop the ramp. Jared then walks to the ring looking pretty confident, soaking up the attention of the crowd.
Brian McVay: Introducing first, from Memphis, Tennessee, weighing in at 242 pounds and standing at 6’1, BOB “FUCKING JAAAAAAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!
Joe Hoffman: Here comes Bob FN Jared, looking like he feels he has a good chance at winning here tonight.
Benny Newell: FUCKING…Just say FUCKING…god….You know, Aceldama would have had to have drunk at least as much as me for that to have a chance at happening. And I can tell you right now, there’s too much booze left in this arena for that to be the case.
Joe Hoffman: Right…because you have a way of telling how much booze is in the Best Arena?
Benny Newell: Gotta have a backup plan, Joe, gotta have a backup plan…especially with Jobberitis lurking around each and every corner.
Our two commentators are interrupted as a loud siren noise echoing throughout the arena as searchlights move across the arena. On the giant screen a flashing ((–A–)) symbol appears. As soon as the siren ends and the searchlights stop a voice is heard which utters ‘Time for the sickness’ as ‘Indestructible’ by Disturbed comes onto the PR system as Aceldama is found by the returning searchlights somewhere in the arena within the crowd, he quickly moves through them to the ringside area, he slips under the bottom rope and raises his arms above his head as flaming pyros go off on each ringpost. Finally in preparation he goes into a corner, sits down and cowers in a corner, talking slowly to himself.
Brian McVay: And his opponent, from Berlin, Germany, he is the High Octane Wrestling World Champion….ACELDAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Referee Joel Hortega checks both men over, patting them both down, ensuring that they’ve sneaked no weapons into the match. Hortega signals for the bell, as the two men square up in the centre of the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Tonight’s main event right now, Benny. Who you got?
Benny Newell: Aceldama, of course. Got a bet on him, too..
Joe Hoffman: I figured. I’ll say this, though – Bob Jared seems to fancy his chances.
DING DING DING
Immediately upon hearing the bell, Jared starts roaring away at Aceldama’s face with his fist, managing to stagger the monster with the sheer ferocity and speed of his strikes! Aceldama staggers back, swinging his fist forward, but Jared ducks under and releases a series of quickfire hooks right to Aceldama’s ribcage!
Joe Hoffman: Jared’s beating out a rhythm on Aceldama’s ribcage here..
Seemingly out of nowhere, Aceldama gains some energy and rakes his fingernails right across Jared’s face, causing the older man to stagger backwards, clutching at his face. Hortega goes into remonstrate with Aceldama, but he finds himself pushed out of the way as the monster strides towards Jared with a purpose. Immediately, he returns the favor and lifts Jared out of his boots as he slams his right fist into Jared’s ribs! Aceldama continues the onslaught, forcing Jared back into the ropes. Jared manages to cover up, but this doesn’t seem to faze the monster who quickly pushes Jared into the ropes, whipping him across the ring. Aceldama turns around as Jared flies off the ropes on the other side of the ring, sticking his boot up. Instead of making contact with Bob’s face, he finds nothing but air, as Jared pops up behind him, and before Aceldama can get his leg back underneath him, Bob puts Aceldama right on his face with a drop toe hold! Jared then drives his elbow into Aceldama’s back, quickly transitioning to a front-face lock!
Benny Newell: Wow, did I drink too much this show?
Joe Hoffman: I don’t think so, Benny. What we have here is Jared somehow surprising Aceldama. Aceldama probably underestimated him….
In the time that the two commentators were speaking, Aceldama had managed to power back to his feet, though Jared’s still holding onto his front-face lock. However, this quickly proves to be to Jared’s detriment, as the monster powers Jared straight over his head, causing Jared to land back first on the mat. Aceldama turns around, and grabs ahold of Jared’s hair, dragging him into the air before hurling him across the ring! Jared gets to his knees as Aceldama makes his way over there, but Jared finds himself dragged up to his feet by his throat before he has a chance to get his feet himself. However, his wits haven’t completely deserted him, as he fires off punches to the bigger man’s nose, making Aceldama stagger back, temporarily stunned! Jared once again senses an advantage and quickly rolls Aceldama up!
Aceldama powers out of the rollup, quickly springing back to his feet! He lunges towards Jared, but Jared ducks under the punch, before pulling a backbreaker out of nowhere! He lets Aceldama drop to the mat, before dropping down after himself and hooking the leg! Hortega drops for the cover…
Again, Aceldama powers out!
Joe Hoffman: Wow…Jared’s showing some real ring prowess tonight. Two quick rollups, momentum shifts, the lot.
Benny Newell: You know, Joe…I really am convinced that I’ve managed to drink so much that I’m actually hallucinating this match.
Joe Hoffman: Partner, you actually have not.
Benny Newell: Wow…..jah…jah….JOBBERITIS???
The crowd begin to get behind Jared with BOB FUCKING JARED! chants breaking out in amongst various pockets of the audience. Jared and Aceldama both get their feet, and Jared’s the first to take the initiative, grabbing a hold of Aceldama’s head, driving his head down for a jawbreaker! Aceldama reels back, holding his jaw, and Jared continues taking the initiative as he looks to hook him up for the Best Fucking Jawbreaker!
Joe Hoffman: BFJ time?!
However, before Jared has a chance to actually hit the move, Aceldama brings his boot out of nowhere and slams it into Jared’s crown jewels, his illegal action going completely unnoticed by referee Joel Hortega! Jared drops to the mat, clutching his balls as Aceldama takes a moment to gather himself.
Joe Hoffman: Aceldama going low to stop the BFJ there.
Benny Newell: See, now I know that I’m not hallucinating. Something normal happened…time to take a drink!
As Newell downs a large slug out of his trademark oversized bottle of Jack Daniels, Jared gains his footing back. Before he has much of a chance to do anything, Aceldama fires his 6’1 frame into Jared’s midsection, driving him straight across the ring into one of the turnbuckles! Straight away, before Jared has a chance to realize what’s going on, Aceldama slams his head into Jared’s, straight away opening up a large gash on Jared’s forehead! Aceldama then drives his fingers into the new gash, ripping at it. Blood splatters out of the gash onto Aceldama’s face, and the canvas below, as Jared drops to a knee, clutching at his head. Aceldama doesn’t seem to appreciate this idea much, as he drives a knee right back into Jared’s forehead, sending Jared’s head crashing into the turnbuckle. Aceldama grabs a hold of Jared, and leans him up against the turnbuckle, headbutting him again and again and again, opening the gash a little bit wider! Bob Jared literally falls out of the corner as Aceldama stares straight down at the back of Jared’s head.
Benny Newell: Blood in the match equals Benny taking a shot…
Joe Hoffman: We’re experiencing a great match here, Benny, and all you can think about is your drinking?
Benny Newell: Yup…and the fact that I’ve got a bet on Aceldama.
Jared struggles back up to his feet, Aceldama still content to watch and tower over him. Eventually, Jared gets his feet and immediately fires a right at Aceldama’s face! Aceldama, however, easily ducks the punch, and throws one to Jared’s gut, doubling him over, which gives Aceldama a chance to drive Jared’s head down into the canvas. Jared immediately starts stirring, and Aceldama offers his hand to Jared. Bob Jared takes it, and Aceldama helps him to his feet…only to immediately drive him straight back down to the mat with the Fall of the Berlin Wall! Aceldama covers soon after….
Jared shoots his foot out and reaches the bottom rope! Aceldama seems a little in shock about it, and starts debating Hortega’s count with the referee! Jared takes the opportunity to get his feet back underneath him with the help of the ring ropes and sneaks up behind Aceldama. He attempts to roll the bigger man up, but, wary of the attempt, Aceldama grasps ahold of the ring ropes. Jared gives up on the rollup and gets a belly to back hold, attempting to lift him for a German suplex, but Aceldama still has the ropes. Not allowing Jared to transition to another hold to look for another suplex, Aceldama throws his leg backwards, straight into Jared’s groin. Aceldama then turns around, and delivers a vicious punt, straight into Jared’s groin again! The older man winces, and clutches his groin, quite obviously in severe pain.
Joe Hoffman: I felt that last kick there.
Benny Newell: Yeah, I think I need some more booze to numb the pain…
Aceldama drops down, casually covering Jared, and Hortega drops to count the pin…
Hortega signals for the bell and after 11 minutes and 22 seconds Aceldama is finally able to put away Bob Fucking Jared.
Joe Hoffman: Great showing by Bob Jared there even in defeat…he took it to the Champion early and you got the feeling he had a real shot to win…
Now it is finally Benny who is silent after that last comment from Joe.
Back in the ring Aceldama has picked up Jared and has just jacknife Powerbombed him over the top rope and to The Best Arena floor!!!
The crowd begins booing Aceldama loudly as Jared is out on the floor as HOW medics rush in to check on Jared.
Suddenly “Undead” hits the PA system again and Lee Best makes his way out with microphone in hand.
Lee Best: FOLKS THAT IS YOUR WORLD CHAMPION…SHOW SOME FUCKING RESPECT!!!
The crowd boos even louder as Aceldama holds his arms up high in the air…still missing his World Championship belt however.
Lee Best: Everyone has been giving credit to Jared all week for stepping up and fighting Aceldama and his challenge game me an idea….NEXT WEEK ON TURMOIL WE WILL HAVE THE FIRST EVER LEE’S LETHAL LOTTERY!!!
The crowd begins buzzing as Lee continues…
Lee Best: Everyone on the roster will have a match next week and the catch is …you won’t know against who!! The matches will be completely random and you could very well see Aceldama vs. Bob Jared once again as the Main Event!!
The crowd cheers loudly as the cameras pan in on the broken body of Jared and then up at the World Champion who is smiling at his boss on the entrance ramp.
Joe Hoffman: Well there you have it folks…,next week on Turmoil it will be Lee’s Lethal Lottery and NO ONE will know who they will be facing……and that is all the time we got….for Big Buff Benny Newell, I am Joe Hoffman and this has been Thursday Night Turmoil!!!
The action cuts away from the announcers and once again to Aceldama in the ring who is staring down at the body of Bob Jared.
END OF TRANSMISSION
**SEVERAL MINUTES AFTER THE SHOW WENT OFF THE AIR**
We see Issac Slade walking down the halls. He turns the corner and is met with a chair to the face. His eyes cross as the chair slams down across him again.
The camera pans up to Bobbinette Carey who is holding the chair and is smiling and suddenly we see someone else walk into the frame……
Lee best with Kirsta Lewis behind him!
Lee Best: Nice job Carey..you held up your end of the deal by taking out the man that will be challenging MY World Champion at Capitol Punishment…
Bobbinette drops the chair down on Issac Slade as she looks at Lee.
Lee Best: A deal’s a deal. The Scottywood vs. Kirsta Lewis match with you as the special guest referee is on for Capitol Punishment and I don’t know why in the hell you want that match but you got it…
Bobbinette’s smiles as Lee walks off.
As Lee walks off Carey watches him but by doing so she has taken her eyes off of Kirsta….
Bobbinette jumps up in the air and grabs her ass as Kirsta walks past her and then stops and looks back and winks at Carey after having just smacked her hard on the ass.
Carey only smiles as the feed fades out…
HELL IN A CELL INFERNO WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Issac Slade vs. Aceldama©
ICON CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Maximillian Kael vs. Shane Reynolds©
LSD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Christopher America vs. David Black©
HALL OF FAME RESPECT IS EARNED MATCH
Mark O’Neal vs. Darkwing
BOBBINETTE CAREY AS SPECIAL REFEREE MATCH
Kirsta Lewis vs. Scottywood
BIGGEST BONUS EVER!!
The scene opens with a sweaty Aceldama walking through the parking lot. Aceldama is still in his ring gear as he passes between a van and a Honda Civic, when suddenly….
A Lead pipe swings from the right hand side from behind the van and Aceldama barely ducks it in time, and the pipe takes out the rear window as Aceldama dodges to the left. The person drops the pipe and he is revealed….
IT IS BOB FUCKING JARED’S BIGGEST FAN….JON!!!!
Jon charges at Aceldama, and Aceldama just looks annoyed as he levels Jon’s 369 pound frame with a big boot.
Jon crashes to the floor and Aceldama then backs up several feet…..then charges in and nails the GUTEN ABEND tackle kick to the head!!!
Jon’s mouth is hanging open as Aceldama silently and coldly pulls the large man up…..as he does he notices something fall to the ground out of Jon’s hand.
Aceldama looks down while holding Jon by the throat.
He sees a small Ziploc bag that contains Bob Jared’s chest hair. Aceldama chuckles then looks back at the glassy eyed Jon then something snaps and Aceldama rams Jon head first into the window of the Civic!!!
Glass is everywhere and Aceldama is not done, he opens the door of the Civic through the now nonexistent window and lays jons head just inside it….
He then closes the door HARD on the head of Jon!!
And again, and again…….
There is a huge bruise on Jon’s face and his cheek is swollen and he is bleeding now from the head. Aceldama drags the fat man out in the open away from the cars……he then goes over and picks up the lead pipe and stands over Jon……he then smashes it into the chest of Jon not once, not twice but THREE times.
Jon is laid out, not moving and Aceldama looks down, breathing heavily then walks away.
A few moments pass and two EMTs arrive and within seconds have his neck stabilized.
EMT: He’s not breathing!!!
Head EMT: Is there a pulse!!?
The EMTs get out the defibrillator and rip open Jon’s shirt and apply them.
Jon’s body jumps up, but he still is unmoving.
Head EMT: AGAIN!!!
Head EMT: I can’t have someone die on me…….we gotta bring him back!!!
…..EMT checks for the pulse.
EMT: We’ve lost him sir.
Head EMT: Okay…..this is a shame….note the time of death….
Suddenly a black Crown Victoria speeds up next to the scene. The door opens…..
And it’s Mark O’Neal!
Mark gets out and stands over Jon. He then picks up the bag of Bob Jared’s chest hair and opens it up. He then dumps its contents over the body of Jon. Mark O’Neal then starts stretching his shoulder and loosening it up as he walks back to the car. The EMTs look at each other then to Mark. Mark gets in the car and speeds away.
Seconds later a wind blows the Chest hairs away…….
EMT: What the!!?
The EMT places an ear to jons chest.
EMT: I hear a heart beat!!!! He’s alive!!!
Head EMT: This is a miracle!!!!
The EMT’s start prepping Jon to be loaded in the ambulance and the camera zooms in to see Jon breathing.
END OF TRANSMISSION
The Best Arena