Turmoil: February 4th, 2010 (2010)

Weekly Show | 120 Min
Rating:
6/10
6

Show Transcript

Thursday Night Turmoil
February 4th, 2010 – #HOW104
Kallisten Coliseum, Chicago, IL

 

Maxopotamian Opening..

LEND YOUR EARS AND OPEN YOUR HEARTS, YOUR EMPEROR IS HERE!

WHO IS YOUR WRESTLER OF THE MONTH!?

MAX IS!

WHO IS YOUR CHAMPION!?

MAX IS!

WHO IS YOUR PARAGON!?

MAX IS!

MAX IS!

MAX IS!

Turmoil opens up over a roaring crowd situated within Kallisten Coliseum all of whom have their hands in the air cheering loudly. Throughout the crowd there are signs, obviously that have been handed out reading “Max is my Emperor!”, “HOW PARAGON” and “MAX IS!”. The camera pans over to a massive stage that has been step up with a large throne in the center of it with flags on either side bearing the HOW Logo on one side and Maxopotamian Flags on the other side. To the right and the left of the throne are two smaller thrones which also sit empty.

Suddenly Red, Gold and Silver Pyrotechnics blast over the stage overshadowing the noise that the crowd. “Puritania” by Dimmu Borgir plays over the speakers outside as the pyro rages overhead. The fans outside continue to cheer loudly as “Maxopotamian” Imperial guards march out onto the stage wearing black uniforms with red Maxopotamian arm bands.

Elenore Kael and young Sutler Kael make their way onto the stage as they wave to the crowds. Elenore appears to be wearing a sleek black dress while Sutler wears a black suit with a red sash across his chest marking him as royalty. Elenore motions to Sutler to the left of the throne while Elenore moves to the right. As the stand proudly the music shifts to “Fairfax Castle”, a regal tune which marks the official arrival of the Emperor of HOW.

And so he arrives.

Wearing a regal black suit crossed with a red sash and a heavy red cape lined with leopard fur over his shoulders, Maximillian Kael moves up onto the stage as he surveys his adoring fans. He lifts his chin up as the Pryo blows massive red sparks up into the air giving him an aura of majesty as Elenore and Sutler quietly applaud him from their two seats. The fans cheer loudly as he turns and slowly makes his way up onto the massive throne that has been erected for him where he sits slowly.

Elenore and Sutler both take their respective seats as Max hits a button on his throne as a long stemmed microphone slides up in front of him. He holds his hands up slowly as the crowd slowly lowers their cheering.

Max Kael: Ladies and Gentlemen.. Welcome to TURMOIL!

Once again the fans unleash a loud applause for the Emperor of HOW as he mentions the show they are on. Max merely smirks down at the crowd as he waits for them to calm down yet again.

Max Kael: As you can probably guess I, the PARAGON of HOW, have accepted the position and role of Emperor of HOW as per Lee Best’s offer! I am here to be the authority, force and will of Lee Best while he is otherwise detained. My rule over these lands will be just. It will be fair and most of all, it shall be iron clad! My domain stretches from the far Gate A, across the parking lots A1-G5, to the mesa and courtyards and yes, even the utility warehouse to the west of the Arena. Every blade of grass, every speck of asphalt, every tree leaf and slab of cement is my land to rule, my toy to..uh.. toy with!

Again the fans cheer for the sake of cheering in the presence of the camera and the over the top antics of the Emperor of HOW.

Max Kael: On this day, Emperor Maximillian Kael gives unto you, my loyalist, many gifts! First.. Allow me to show you one of the greatest creations I have EVER brought to this great land.. the WWA UNITED NATIONS!

The ICON Champion waves his hand as a series of spotlights on a massive billboard with a picture of a building with all the different federations of the WWA represented on it.

Max Kael:..well it’s a work in progress anyway.. I just started you know! Anyway.. do you all enjoy your Max Kael Propoganda-er.. um. I mean.. do you all enjoy your lovely gifts!

The camera pans out over the audience as they wave their handed out signs frantically. Again they cheer loudly as the fans all bustle and fight to get on camera. After a few moments it pans back onto Max Kael who smirks out at the people.

Max Kael: I take it that you enjoy it then! Good.. good. Now.. Onto Imperial Decrees! Last week Simon Sparrow, the self important General Manager decided that if I were to lose a match that I would be forced to give up the Internet Championship. Well how’s this for Mr. Sparrow..

The Emperor of HOW clears his throat and leans forward on his massive throne.

Max Kael: If Simon Sparrow loses any match in the future.. he will IMMEDIATELY lose his Parking Space and he will no longer be allowed to park in the HOW Parking lot. That’s right, I will take that parking space right the hell away from him! I am not worried about that one bit!

The crowd murmurs loudly in confusion at Max’s comment about taking Simon’s parking space. From her seat in the back it is apparent Elenore is less than impressed with his decree. Sulter smiles and simply looks excited to be around this many people.

Max Kael: Secondly! I have heard that Simon Sparrow, in all of his wisdom, has decided to deny you people the right to see a hard core match between the Brothers of the Beast and Scottywood plus Mr. Cool. He has decided that you are somehow not worthy of seeing that, that you are somehow ill deserving of the right to see that. So.. it is my decree that the Tag Match will no longer be held in the confines of the Kallisten Coliseum but instead shall be held in the parking lot for all the public to view! That’s right I am giving the WHOLE City of Chicago the opportunity to view the Brothers of the Beast Vs. Cool/Wood.. or Scotty/Cancer in a Parking Lot brawl!

With that the crowd erupts into cheers and applause for his decision to make the match in the parking lot where the rule book can be thrown out the window. Max lifts both his arms bending them at the elbow in front of himself with his palms toward his face as in he were pulling off a perfect Mussolini pose.

Max Kael: Who is you’re Paragon!? Who is you’re Emperor!? Who is you’re Champion!

Crowd: MAX IS!

Max Kael: MAX KAEL IS!

The camera pans back over the crowd as they erupt cheers once again.

Turmoil cuts to a advertisement for the WWA before continuing..

 


The only Alliance that matters..

 

Johnny Legend vs. Static
Singles Match

Bryan McVay: Ladies and Gentlemen, your opening contest is scheduled for ONE FALL!

The fans in the Kallisten Coliseum collectively rise to their feet as “Man Without Fear” by Rob Zombie hits the speakers.

Bryan McVay: Introducing first, making his High Octane Wrestling debut, from Austin, Texas and weighing in tonight at 232 pounds… JOHNNY LEGEND!!!

Legend bursts out from the curtain to a mixed reaction and proceeds down the entrance ramp was a look of intent.

Joe Hoffman: Welcome officially to Thursday Night Turmol ladies and gentlemen. I am Joe Hoffman and as always I am joined by my Hall of Fame partner…Big Buff Benny Newell.

The camera pans over to Benny who tips his official HOW Flask towards the camera in a salute before the camera zooms back into Joe.

Joe Hoffman: What a show we have for you tonight and if our opener is any sign of things to come then we are in a whole lot of trouble tonight. Tonight we have some big Invitational matches but also tonight we will see if Mario Maurako is able to raise enough money for Bobbinette Carey to secure himself and his family another, and possibly final Tag Team Title shot….I have also been told that we will learn the location of March to Glory tonight and the trial of Lee Best will continue as Mario Maurako took the stand earlier today and one has to wonder just how he testified….but before we get to all that folks, we’re about to kick off the action here on Turmoil as you see Johnny Legend making his way into the ring. Should be a good match between an experienced newcomer and a former LSD champion making his return to HOW after a several month absence.

Legend does some pre-match stretching as his music drowns out and is replaced by Linkin Park’s “No More Sorrow”. The crowd turns their attention back to the stage and erupt in a chorus of boos upon seeing Guy ‘Static’ Stephens walk out; a smirk on his face as he mouths the words ‘I’m back!’ to the camera.

Bryan McVay: And his opponent, making his return from Newcastle, England, weighing 247 pounds… STATIC!!!

Benny Newell: Static’s been to prison more than everyone on our active roster combined… at least it sure seems that way.

Joe Hoffman: Well hopefully Guy can stay focused enough this time around to find the path of success he was on before his departure. The sky is truly the limit for the man that made waves in the LSD division right before War Games last year.

Static ignores the fans as he slides into the ring to confront Johnny Legend. The two verbally spar with each other until Referee Joel Hortega steps between to separate them. Static’s music fades out and after a quick check for weapons, Hortega calls for the bell.

DING ~ DING ~ DING!

Benny Newell: Drink!

Joe Hoffman: And we’re under way, as indicated by Benny’s desire to get started himself here on Turmoil.

Benny takes a swig from his official HOW flask as Legend and Static immediately lock up in the center of the ring. A brief standstill ensues before Static gains the advantage by grabbing Johnny’s arm, spinning around behind him with a hammerlock. He holds it for several moments until Legend fights out with an elbow to his head, thus reversing the hammerlock onto Static. Static swings his elbow back to escape the hold well, but Legend ducks and catches him with a resounding Spinebuster that gets a favorable reaction from the crowd.

Joe Hoffman: The cover!

Legend applies a lateral press for a cover but Static kicks out after a 1-count by Joel Hortega. Wasting no time, Legend is quick to follow up on his assault by laying the boots into his grounded opponent. Static shields himself and struggles to his feet, but uses the ropes to do so and quickly interrupts Legend’s momentum with a knee to his mid-section. Legend doubles over in pain and Static rushes forward by planting him with a Bulldog. This time, it’s Static who applies the cover after slamming Johnny’s head to the mat.

Crowd: ONE! TWO!

Joe Hoffman: Kick out by Johnny Legend! This newcomer isn’t done yet, Benny.

Benny Newell: Blah, blah, blah… Legend Schmedgend.

Static argues with Joel Hortega and pleads his case for the three-count as Legend shakes off the cobwebs from the Bulldog.

Joe Hoffman: Schmedgend?

Benny Newell: Shutup, Joe. Yeeeeeeaaa, um… DRINK!

Still arguing with Hortega, it gives Johnny Legend the opening to make his way back to his feet and climb to the turnbuckle, which has the crowd ready with anticipation for what’s about to come.

Joe Hoffman: Static better watch out here, Benny!

As Static turns his attention back to his opponent, he’s met with a Missile Dropkick by Johnny Legend that plants him out in the center of the ring.

Benny Newell: Come on Static!

Joe Hoffman: Well, Guy lost his focus right there and it cost him. Perhaps some signs of ring rust from being out of action for so long.

Johnny Legend hypes up the crowd with his intensity for his opponent to get up, but Static feigns injury, prompting Joel Hortega to step between the two and back Legend off.

Joe Hoffman: Oh come on, ref! Static’s not hurt!

Benny Newell: Johnny Legend is furious!

As obvious as it is that Static isn’t injured, Hortega dutifully checks on him. Static puts forth his best acting job as he favors his leg, but at this point, Legend has had enough. From across the ring, Johnny charges his opponent, but Static sees this coming and uses Hortega to shield himself.

Benny Newell: Did you see that Joe?!? Johnny Legend just intentionally laid out Joel Hortega!

Joe Hoffman: Oh, stop it! He did not and you darn well know it!

With a big “aw, fuck” expression on his face, Legend kneels down to check on Hortega as Static slips out of the ring. Johnny tries to bring the referee back to his senses, but as he’s doing so, Static seeks out his weapon of choice from underneath the ring. After some searching, Static finally produces the baseball bat that he grew fond of during his prior stint with HOW.

Benny Newell: Shirley!

Static admires the baseball bat that Benny was referring to and slides back into the ring. Johnny Legend is still tending to Joel Hortega and is oblivious to the crowd’s warning cries that Static is stalking him from behind.

Benny N ewell: Legend’s about to get a proper welcome to HOW…

Joe Hoffman: Lookout Johnny!

Static swings for the fences, but Legend, almost instinctively, evades the attack. Instead, Static’s bat connects with the top rope, the force of the swing enough to bounce the bat right back into Static’s forehead!

Joe Hoffman: Backfired! A bit of karma, wouldn’t you say, Benny?

Annoyed that Static’s attempt to level Johnny Legend with that baseball bat has come back to hurt him, Benny simply ignores Joe and takes another swig from his flask while Static falls backwards onto the mat. Meanwhile, Johnny kicks the baseball bat out of the ring and quickly makes his way to the top rope.

Joe Hoffman: Legend going high risk here with Static laid out in the ring…

Benny Newell: Get up Static, you idiot!

Johnny sizes up his opponent and flies off the top ropes with his Five-Star Frog Splash finisher.

Joe Hoffman: LEGENDARY LEAP!!!

Johnny immediately applies a cover, for which Joel Hortega is still dazed and slow to recognize. Finally, he shakes off his injury and crawls his way into position to make the count.

Benny Newell: Did he waste too much time?

Joe Hoffman: NO! Johnny Legend is your winner here in his High Octane debut!

DING ~ DING ~ DING!

Bryan McVay: Your winner by pin fall in 6 minutes and 11 seconds… JOHNNY LEGEND!!!

Legend pops up to celebrate and is greeted by a rousing ovation of cheers for his efforts in the show’s opening contest.

Joe Hoffman: Impressive performance by Johnny Legend, to say the least…

Benny Newell: Impressive?!? You call that impressive? He cheated for fuck’s sake!

Joe Hoffman: Legend didn’t cheat! In fact, it was Static…

Joe and Benny continue to argue as Johnny Legend makes his way back up the entrance ramp in victory. All the while, Static tries to make sense of what went wrong in realizing that he lost before the cameras cut elsewhere in the arena, where Simon Sparrow is standing by!

 

Disrespected

Backstage in the office of High Octane Wrestling’s newly appointed General Manager. Simon Sparrow, wearing one of his new officially licensed baseball jerseys (this one being red with white lettering and black trim that reads “SPARROW” on the front and “PHARAOH” on the back), cargo pants, and black casual shoes, is pacing in the office.

The office door opens and Louis the Little Person enters carrying his sledgehammer.

Louis the Little Person: Did you hear that bullshit?

Simon Sparrow: I did! As if I don’t have enough on my plate with my family issues!!! Now I have to deal with Max Kael and his little ego trip!!!

Louis the Little Person: That fucking piece of camel shit! He has some balls throwing his weight around! It’s time to fucking retaliate! I’m ready to go! I’ll crack his fucking skull! Ninja style!

Simon Sparrow: No. We’re not going to retaliate physically.

Louis the Little Person: He’s moving in on your turf!

Simon Sparrow: Louis, let’s not get into a pa—

Louis the Little Person: We have to go to DEFCON 98!!!! It’s time show that fascist fuckstick who’s running things!!! It’s time to go to war!!!! I’m talking about “Scarface” final scene, fucking bazookas under each arm “SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEN’!!!!”

Simon Sparrow: No….no….NO!!! Calm down! He is the Emperor of the HOW GROUNDS!!! He has NO authority to make matches! Groundskeeper Kael can decorate the parking lot and pick up the trash and torture scalpers for all I care, but inside the Kal…the Best Arena, I AM PHARAOH!!! I mean, General Manager! So therefore, as General Manager, I am reinstituting the original stipulation of the match. The Invitational Match between Twisted Beastiality or whatever they’re calling themselves and the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants—-

Louis the Little Person: The Brotherhood of the Beast.

Simon Sparrow: Whatever! Anyway, their Tag Team Title match will be held INSIDE THE RING!!! IT’LL BE A REGULAR MATCH!!!

Louis the Little Person: Who cares about that?

Simon Sparrow: I do! I will be DAMNED if Scottywood gets his way after threatening me last week!!!

Louis the Little Person: I’m more concerned about our parking space!!! It’s a sweet spot!!!

Simon Sparrow: Seriously? I’m on the greatest roll of my career and who do I have tonight? Jimmy Kort. The man doesn’t have the necessary skill to successfully pick his nose much less match me in the ring! Trust me, Max Kael will lose the Internet Title before I lose the parking space. That’s a fact!

Louis the Little Person: Are you sure about this? I don’t want to walk a fucking mile each week!

Simon Sparrow: You need the exercise.

Louis the Little Person: The only exercise I need is swinging this sledgehammer right in the face of Max Kael.

Simon Sparrow: Riiiiiiight. That’s not happening.

Louis the Little Person: That’s bullshit.

Simon Sparrow: Maybe so. But, I will say this, the CARAUKO or CARIO telethon that is set to—

The door swings open and Alexei Samson, Louis’s brother and Simon Sparrow’s three feet-seven inches tall administrative assistant enters with a somber look.

Simon Sparrow: What’s wrong now?

Alexei: I heard what you were saying and I have bad news.

Simon Sparrow: What’s that?

Alexei: I just got word from the top….the match Max Kael signed between Twisted Reality and Brothers of the Beast…it’s go. The match is happening in the Parking Lot.

Simon Sparrow: WHAT???? HOW THE FU—FISH CAN THAT HAPPEN?????

Alexei: I don’t have all the details…but one of the Bests approved it. I think it was Lee.

Simon Sparrow grabs the “HOW” mug on his desk and throws it at the wall, breaking it.

Simon Sparrow: Fine! As of now, Max Kael’s cousin, Elenore will be BANNED from the locker room area, backstage and ringside! Since she is not an official employee of HOW, there’s no reason for her to be there! If she is seen in any of those areas, I want her arrested for trespassing and see to it that she is prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law! Also, when I defeat Jimmy Kort later tonight and if David Black defeats Max Kael and forever retires the Internet Title, then next week, I will declare “SIMON SPARROW FAN APPRECIATION NIGHT”! I will either have the pleasure of stripping Wolfgang Bruggemann of the HOW Championship or getting my guaranteed title contract back!

Alexei shoots a look at Louis who shakes his head “no”.

Simon Sparrow: What?

Alexei: Um…Mike Best has denied your petition to have Aceldama stripped of the title if he doesn’t give you the contract back next week.

Simon Sparrow’s face gets red as he gets angrier. He takes a couple of deep breaths.

Simon Sparrow: Everyone is against me! Everyone wants to see me fail!!! Why hand me this position if I have no real authority????

Alexei: I’m sure that’s not the case. Maybe if you took a meeting with Mike Best you two can—

Louis the Little Person: It’s time to go to fucking war!!! They don’t fucking respect you! Not Scottywood, not Kael, not Mike Best, not Aceldama, and Lee? He probably just gave you this position to humiliate and embarrass you knowing anything you say will be shit on! What have you gotten so far??? The Internet Title stipulation? Whoop-dee-fucking-doo!

Simon Sparrow: Okay….okay….the plan for having a Simon Sparrow Fan Appreciation Night will still commence. Next week, I will make a major announcement depending on how much CARIO gets for their ridiculous telethon. And as far as Wolfgang Bruggemann and my contract….Oh…I just had an excellent idea…..

The scene ends as a smirking Simon Sparrow is about to fill his cohorts in on his dastardly plan.

 

“Outside” Interference

The scene cuts from inside the Kallisten Coliseum to outside where an alleyway is lit up by a naked flame inside a metal barrel. Standing by the barrel, long trench coat on and wearing fingerless gloves the High Octane Champion Aceldama warms his hands upon the fire.

Aceldama– A cold new dawning is born in High Octane Wrestling, a new figure head is cast to run the company, the puppet to the master behind the metal bars. His name is Simon Sparrow. A man hungry with power, but power does he have? Or merely lip service, a front for the tyrant himself?

Aceldama picks up a few scraps of newspaper which have been dancing in the wind and throws it onto the fire, setting the orange flame up more with a puff of dark smoke

Aceldama– Merely minutes into his reign of ‘power’ and Simon Sparrow is calling the shots….or is he? It seems his power is limited at best, probably even minimal. It seems that I have two weeks to hand this back to him…..

He goes into his trench coat pocket and pulls out an envelope, gazing into it with his dead eyes

Aceldama– two weeks, to return this contract to him, or else pay the penalty. However, if Simon Sparrow was the true holder of power, why would he give me this option? If he truly is a follower of Lee Best, then he should practice the way his master preaches no? When Lee wanted something, he took it, by any means necessary. Why does Sparrow hold back? If he had total power why not simply grant himself a match? This piece of paper means that much to him? The answer is simple High Octane Nation……Simon Sparrow has NO power whatsoever.

Aceldama opens up the envelope to reveal the contract inside, with Simon Sparrow’s name upon it.

Aceldama– Nothing but idle threats with no ammunition. He knows that his contract as General Manager is not legally binding, how can Lee Best hand over power when undergoing a federal trial? He can’t. Simon Sparrow is merely a puppet, a mouth piece for a man with no voice inside this federation at this time. The truth of the matter is, he NEEDS this contract, because he knows that he cannot take this title from me any other way. He knows he cannot win the invitational, so he needs this piece of paper as something to fall back on.

Simon we ALL know your threats come with no potency. You say you will STRIP me of the title if I do not return this…simple piece of paper? But wait…..that is not what you said; you said you would……PETITION to have my title removed? Ha….don’t make me laugh. Do you think people will sign it? Because everyone in that roster, everyone in this invitational, wants to WIN it, wants to fight the champion, ME, and EARN their right to fight for the title. You on the other hand, want to take the cowards way out, take power without power, hold out to some little hope.

So I guess you think I am coming to hand this over to you? You think now you are the ‘exulted’ leader that I am going to bend over backwards for you? Do you think I am stupid? I have not held this title for so long by making stupid mistakes like that. You want to pretend that in that arena you hold all the power, fine, I will play your little game. That is why I am not going to be inside tonight, instead, outside…….far from your jurisdiction, and into Max Kael’s. Even though me and Max don’t quite meet eye to eye, we have one mutual understanding, and that is….you must NEVER get this title. So as for me coming in there to give you your little lifeline back……my message is simple.

You want this title? You want a shot at me? Earn it. Try to achieve what every man and woman is trying to achieve tonight, win the invitational, prove your worth, and stop hiding behind Lee Best, come out of the shadows, far away from your faux power and focus on not this piece of paper, but your future opponents, who, if you are not ready for them, with crush your dreams of ever holding this title and make them into nightmares, and none of your playschool boss antics can stop that from occurring.

Aceldama looks at the contract one final time.

Aceldama– Getting a lot colder out here, fires going out…..

Aceldama takes the contract and throws it into the fire; it burns up very quickly as the fire spurns up once again as Aceldama rubs his hands with a vague smile upon his face.

Aceldama– Humm, burned up very quickly, wasn’t worth the paper it was printed on, just like your role as General Manager, and until you are thrown out of that role, I will not set foot inside this arena again……what are you going to do to me Simon…….if you can’t even get to me? Win the invitational Simon, then you have me, until then…….get a good pen, you’re going to need it.

Aceldama lets out a shrill laugh as it echoes throughout the alleyway as the scene fades

 


Complete Invitational rundown on the next HOR..and the return of Sparrow to the show as well

 

Care-a-Thon Opener

The cameras go to the basement of the Kallisten Coliseum. The basement is pitch black except for a neon sign that reads “Care-A-Thon”. Suddenly a spot light shines down and Mario Maurako is standing there in the beam of light with the neon sign now in the background.

Mario Maurako: Ladies and Gentlemen, several weeks ago a very close and dear friend of mine was involved in a fatal car accident that left her laid up in the hospital. Bobbinette Carey was laid up for several weeks and had a number expensive medical procedures performed on her. Unfortunately there was no insurance policy to be found on poor Bobbinette Carey. Leaving her responsible for every penny, which was complicated by the fact that her good-for-nothing sister Livie has spent all of her money.

That is why I went to Mike Best last week and he gave me permission to host this event for Bobbinette Carey. With that being said Ladies & Gentlemen I’m proud to present to you the 2010 Bobbinette Carey “Care-A-Thon”.

Friends of Bobbinette Carey have come from far and wide to join me here tonight in raising what we hope to be One Million Dollars to cover all of her medical expenses. So now let’s meet our celebrity volunteers who are going to take your calls tonight.

A series of lights come on revealing a two story platform. There are tables, chairs and red telephones stationed and ready to go.

Mario Maurako: From the entertainment world, they were the first couple to get one of those ridiculous couple combo names… Ben Afleck and Jennifer Garner, better known as Bennifer!

Ben Afleck and Jennifer Garner enter the room and shake Mario’s hand before taking their seats next to each other at the first table.

Mario Maurako: We also have a Carey of another flavor…. Mariah Carey.

Mariah Carey walks in and takes a seat next to Jennifer Garner at the first table.

Mario Maurako: Next up we have two of my favorites, both are former HOW Stable Champions with me. Silver Cyanide & John Sektor!

The two former HOW Superstars enter and shake Mario’s hand. Sektor sits down at the firs table next to Mariah Carey as Silver Cyanide takes the 1st seat at the top table.

Mario Maurako: You may remember this man from the Movie 300.… Gerard Butler!

Gerard Butler enters the room dressed up in his 300 Costume, and he makes his way over to his spot and sits next to Cyanide. Cyanide pulls a hockey puck out from his jacket and asks Butler to sign it.

Mario Maurako: I’m proud to announce the presence of another former HOW star… that’s right when you call the hotline tonight you might get to talk to The Pimp Called Rufus.

Rufus walks in and sits next to Gerard Butler as the rest of the lights in the basement turn on before the last chair is filled.

Mario Maurako: Hmmm… this just doesn’t look right. This line-up looks sub-par. I guess it’s a damn good thing that I brought back-ups. Send ‘em in!

John Wayne Bobbitt, Chris Brown, and Sean Connery enter the room along with two TV’s that are rolled in by some event staff. Sean Connery walks up to Jennifer Garner and stand across the table from her.

Sean Connery: Move it before I decorate your face with a palm sandwich.

Jennifer Garner: What?

Without hesitation Sean Connery bitch slaps Jennifer knocking her out of the chair. Instantly Ben Aflec and Gerard Butler rush over to her aid as Sektor chuckles and Mariah Carey gives Sektor a dirty look.

Sean Connery: What? You feel left out?

Sean Connery then bitch smacks Mariah Carey, and right after everyone leaves the stage except for Cyanide, Sektor, and Rufus. The two TV’s have been installed at the table and Sean Connery, Chris Brown, and John Bobbitt take their seats rounding out the panel. The two TV’s are turned on and Scott Peterson appears in handcuffs on one and OJ Simpson also in jumpsuit appears on the other one.

Mario Maurako: Now that looks more like it.

Suddenly King Matteo makes his way across the room and walks straight up to Mario. Matteo begins whispering in Mario’s ear. As Matteo is doing that Ethan Cavanaugh enters the room dressed in black droopy pants, a straight billed hat sitting slightly off center with the tags still attached to it, and a white wife-beater.

Mario Maurako: I don’t see the problem dad. It’s Ethan Cavanaugh, he’s here to help out.

Matteo Maurako: Help out? With what? Look at him, he looks like a bum.

Mario Maurako: Dad I asked him-

Matteo Maurako: Look at him with his hat turned sideways, gold in his mouth. He’s lookin’ like a fool with his pants on the ground.

Mario Maurako: Dad-

The 63 year old Matteo Maurako begins to dance badly in place as he starts singing.

Matteo Maurako: Pants on the ground, Pants on the ground. Lookin’ like a fool with your pants on the ground. You got your hat turned sideways, gold in your mouth, and you’re looking like a fool with your pants on the ground.

Ethan decks Matteo Maurako sending him to the ground.

Ethan Cavanaugh: I didn’t come here to be stereo typed. You asked me to wear this for a skit.

Mario Maurako: Yeah, but Dad didn’t know about it.

Ethan Cavanaugh: Well I’m out of here, you’ll have to find someone else to fill in.

Ethan Cavanaugh storms off as Mario bends down to check on Matteo. A pair of black shoes appear above Matteo’s head and Mario follows the shoes up the legs of the person standing there and see’s American Idol reject Larry Platt standing right there in front of him. Larry begins to do his infamous break dancing as seen on American Idol and begins to sing.

Larry Platt: Cracka’ on the ground, Cracka’ on the ground. He thought he was cool, he jus’ a cracka’ on the ground.

The Whack-O-Meter appears on the screen and rolls up to 1,036 and then we cut away.

 


The Care-A-Thon is officially endorsed by Sean Connery and the rest of the Whack a Ho tribe

 

Chris Kostoff vs. Ethan Cavanaugh
Singles Match

Coming back from commercial break we see the Hall of Famer himself Kostoff standing in the middle of the ring, ready and waiting for his last opponent in the opening round of the Best Invitational to make his way out.

Joe Hoffman: Did we just see Sean Connery palm sandwhich Jessica Garner?

Benny Newell: Well when a woman keeps trying to get the last word she needs a good bitch slappin’ Joe.

Joe Hoffman: Anyhow… this upcoming match has big implications folks. If Kostoff wins he clinches the lead in his group, but if Cavanaugh wins, he will not only clinch a spot in the next round, but wins the group and knocks out Chris Jacobs.

Benny Newell: Speaking of knocking out, did you see Ethan knock out Matteo Maurako?

Joe Hoffman: Yes I did, and if he can do that to Kostoff then he will win this match.

Revolution Man” by Union Underground starts to play as there is a mild reaction for the recently returned Ethan Cavanaugh who starts to make his way down to the ring.

Bryan McVay: This following Invitational match is scheduled for one fall, now making his way to the ring from Lisburn, Northern Ireland and weighing at 219 pounds…. Ethan Cavanaugh!!!

Making his way into the ring Matt Boettcher has to immediately restrain Ethan from going after Kostoff who just has a smirk on his face as he remains quiet calm.

Bryan McVay: And his opponent, from Tampa, Florida and weighing in at 285 pounds…. Hall of Famer, Chris Kostoff!!!

Not wanting to restrain Ethan anymore Boettcher lets him go and calls for the bell as the match gets underway with a fury of punches being thrown by each man in what quickly turns into a slugfest. Cavanaugh gains the first advantage by driving a knee into Kostoff’s stomach and hitting a quick short armed clothesline followed by a guillotine leg drop.

Joe Hoffman: Cavanaugh taking it to Kostoff early here, trying not to let the big man get on a roll.

Benny Newell: Because we all know once Kostoff gets going, he doesn’t stop.

Kostoff climbs back to his feet only to be whipped into the corner which Cavanaugh follows up with a another clothesline which sits Kostoff down in the corner. Cavanaugh backs up to the opposite corner and charges ar Kostoff, kicking him right in the side of the head.

Joe Hoffman: Cause of Death by Cavanaugh! Looks like he is going for the cover.

1…….

2……

NO!!!!

Getting the shoulder up Kostoff stops the count just before three as Cavanaugh picks Kostoff back up and quickly signals that he is going for his finisher as he locks in the pumphandle and lifts Kostoff up and onto his shoulder but the Hall of Famer slips off his shoulder behind him where he quickly hits a german suplex that lays Cavanaugh out on the mat.

Joe Hoffman: Cavanaugh tried for Magic Black but Kostoff escaped and turned this match around.

Benny Newell: Thanks for play Ethan

Taking a drink for Ethan we see Kostoff lift Cavanaugh up and throw him into the corner where he unleashes a series of punches and chops to Cavanaugh’s body and head before pulling him out and hitting a single arm DDT. After dropping two elbows Kostoff pulls Cavanaugh back up and plants him with a nasty piledriver which he goes for a pin attempt after.

1……

2…….

3….

NO!!!

Maybe just an inch or two before Boettcher’s arm hits the mat Cavanaugh manages to twist his hip and break the pin attempt of Kostoff. But not letting the kickout bother him, Kostoff pulls Cavanaugh up and sets him up for his finishing powerbomb as he lifts Cavanaugh up onto his shoulders, but Cavanaugh isn’t done yet.

Joe Hoffman: Cavanaugh firing shots at Kostoff from up on his shoulders, he is not giving up by any stretch here.

Cavanaugh continues throwing shots until he jumps off Kostoff’s shoulders and quickly goes for the Pele kick, but Kostoff dodges it as Cavanaugh turns around and get a hard boot in the stomach as Kostoff again sets Cavanaugh up for the powerbomb and this time connects with his patented sit down version of the move.

Joe Hoffman: No Remorse connects!

1……

2…….

3…….

DING DING DING

Bryan McVay: The winner of this match in 5 minutes and 23 seconds…..Chris Kostoff!!!!!

Joe Hoffman: A good showing by Cavanaugh, but Kostoff is on a tear and he seems to be tough to stop. He finished the first round of the invitational with 9 points, going 3-0 and I feel sorry for whoever has to face him in the knockout stage.

Benny Newell: And with this loss Cavanaugh now has to root for Justin Brooks to beat Chris Jacobs if he wants to advance, otherwise Jacobs will claim the last spot in this division.

Joe Hoffman: Well I hear we have David Black backstage with Missy Andrews, so let’s head back there. But make sure you stay tuned as DeNucci versus Leon Booth is coming up next.

Benny Newell: Really? I’m gonna need more Jack then…

 

Out with the Old..In with the New

We cut to the backstage area where HOW’s own Missy Andrews stands ready to interview David Black.

Missy Andrews: I am standing by with the man who will take on Max Kael in tonights main event, the former LSD Champion, David Black.

Missy turns towards David.

Missy Andrews: Now David, before I ask you about tonights match, I want to ask you about a story that was posted on HOW’s website about the current state of your psychical health. According to the story you have been adviced by doctors not to wrestle for the time being, can you comment on that?

David Black: Old David Black.

Missy Andrews: I’m sorry, what?

David Black: Old David Black.

He nods his head once.

David Black: Old David Black battered and bruised. Old David Black frequently in hospital. Told by doctors that health is bad. Shouldn’t wrestle!

Missy looks confused but does her best to continue the interview.

Missy Andrews: So…with that in mind, do you intend to wrestle Max Kael here tonight?

David Black: Of course! Must be in it to win it. Must win match to advance in Invitational. Must face Max to win match, so must wrestle Max tonight.

Missy Andrews: But are you not worried about your health? About what might happen during your match?

David Black: Old David Black weak and broken. Old David Black put out to pasture. New David Black take his place.

Missy now looks even more confused but, as always, she does her best to keep it going.

Missy Andrews: The new David Black?

David Black: New David Black strong! Healthy! Psychically fit! No injuries. Not fragile like old David Black. Bigger, stronger, faster…better looking!

Deciding that it might be better to just move on, Missy decides to do just that.

Missy Andrews: Last week you lost to MPLOW–

David Black: Old David Black!

David nods his head again.

David Black: Old David Black lose to Mister Plow. Humiliating defeat. Like Muhammed Ali, one fight too many. Old David Black gone, buried in ground. New David Black here. New David Black a winner.

David turns his head back and forth between Missy and the camera repeatedly. Seemingly having had her fill of David Black for this week, Missy decides to wrap things up.

Missy Andrews: Any last thoughts on your match tonight?

David hesitates for a few seconds as he thinks.

David Black: New David Black strong! Promise victory over Max Kael, conquest of Maxopotamia! Surrender not acceptable! Land purged, Maxopotamia…gone forever!

With that David just walks away and the cameras cut away.

 


Check out the new sponsor of HOW and the HOR Thursdays on SpikeTV with replays coming to HOTv

 

Care-a-Thon continues..

We return to the basement where Mario Maurako is standing talking to Bobbinette. As they are standing they look over to the phones to see that all of the volunteers are just sitting there doing nothing. One of the phones ring and Sektor picks it up.

Sektor: Thank you for calling the Care-A-Thon.

Silver Cyanide: Hey, Sektor! Can you pass me a slice of Pizza?

Sektor: What?! Dude what if someone tried to call right now?

Silver Cyanide: There’s other lines.

Sektor hangs up the phone.

Silver Cyanide: What about my Pizza?

Sektor: We don’t even have any pizza!

Just then someone walks into the basement. It’s Bobbinette Carey’s sister Livie. Livie looks at her sister and walks towards her. Mario goes to step in between the two but Bobbinette holds his arm keeping him at her side.

Bobbinette: I’ve got this….

She walks up to Livie and looks over her sister.

Bobbinette: What do you want?

Livie: I saw that they were having this Care-a-thon and I wanted to help.

Bobbinette nods her head smiling a little. Livie takes out a dollar and holds it out in front of her waiting for Bobbinette to take it.

Livie: It’s all I have…Blossom

Bobbinette: Of all the money I had you only have a dollar left? Quit calling me that! My name is Bobbinette!

Bobbinette yells as Mario steps behind her whispering in her ear.

Mario: It’s her making a mockery out of your medical bills. Plus she spent the money on whatever toys she wanted and junk….

Bobbinette: This whole thing is your fault! You keep coming near me and I’m done. I had a plan set incase you tried to show up here tonight, and I’m happy you did! You’re a danger to not just me and yourself, your a danger to my family.

Bobbinette snaps her fingers as two large men in white scrubs come in. Their holding a straight jacket and go towards Livie.

Bobbinette: I’m having you institutionalized. You wont be able to hurt anyone ever again.

Mario stands there in shock not even expecting this to happen. Bobbinette watches as the men put the jacket on Livie and Livie starts to tear up.

Livie: I’m your sister! We’re heroes please don’t do this!

Bobbinette: Sisters don’t do what you did either. You need help and I’m making sure you get it.

The coats start to haul Livie off screaming and crying. Bobbinette looks back at Mario with a smile.

Bobbinette: Shall we continue on?

Mario Maurako: Yeah but wait one second.

Mario motions for the white coats to bring Livie back and they do. As Livie sits there crying Mario motions for Sean Connery to come over. Connery takes a look at Livie and is instantly annoyed.

Sean Connery: Grow up bitch.

Sean Connery then smacks the hell out of Livie Carey and the White Coats haul her away.

Mario Maurako: Now we can continue.

Sektor: Hey, did anyone actually collect that dollar?

Silver Cyanide: OH… we’re supposed to collect money.

The scene fades as the Whack-o-Meter again appears on the screen and changes to 1,037.

 

Michael DeNucci vs. Leon Booth
Singles Match

We return to the parking lot where the revelers are still out in force as the party of the Imperial Inauguration continues full blast. Max Kael can still be seen up on the stage watching Turmoil as it is being projected onto a massive screen so everyone can enjoy it. Merchandise sales appear high as many of the crowd are now sporting HOW t-shirts along with various other items from HOW.

Suddenly there is a great deal of commotion from the far end of the parking lot however as various “Imperial” security guards are seen trying to hold someone back. Max cocks his head toward the ruckus however it is Elenore who stands up with a small clutch purse at her side before moves toward the trouble. She moves smoothly across the stage and then down into the crowd as Security parts the sea of people for her.

Back at the gate none other than Leon Booth can be seen attempting to break through security. Max turns on his throne and hits a button as the microphone slowly slides up so he can speak as Elenore continues to approach with her own security detail.

Max Kael: Hey! Who are you? Sorry, I’m afraid you will have to stay right there!

The Imperial guards hold Booth back as he starts to argue with them. Max reaches out and detaches the microphone as he stands up.

Max Kael: Hey! It’s not my fault you showed up late.. but I suppose the good old GM is still expecting you to show.. Mmm.. let’s think about that for a moment. You’re out here.. but GM Sparrow is expecting you to show. If I hold you here during your match.. you will be..

Max moves toward the edge of the stage as Elenore reaches Booth giving him a charmingly wide smile, moving in a circle around him like a shark examining a bleeding surfer.

Max Kael: That’s right, you’ll be right over there while the ring is empty! Simon Sparrow looks like a fool and I get to say that I.. have a new Booth open! HA! Get it, new Booth open? Cause your last name is Booth and you’re right over there.. you know.. in my domain..

Elenore lets her cold eyes roll up to Max from behind Booth as she lets off what can be described as a pretty sneer. Pretty because she is still attractive but clearly letting Max know that she loathes what he just said and thinks he is an idiot for saying it. Booth starts to get rowdy again yelling at security and at Max Kael for detaining him longer.

From behind the crowd a car pulls up and DeNucci manifests with a cell phone up to his ear. His face looks confused as he stares out at the crowds in front of him before he spots Booth. Throwing his hands up DeNucci starts to yell at Booth who returns the favor, yelling something at DeNucci. Elenore steps back carefully as the two men get close trading words the cameras are unable to pick up on though its clear the F-Bomb is being dropped like a Vietnamese Carpet Bombing.

Max Kael: Gentlemen! Gentlemen, please! We have a strict no Swearing policy here in my Domain to encourage a safer, more gentle Maxopotamia.. you know, like Reagan’s America!..

Both men continue to argue however and refuse to pay Max any attention back up at the stage. Shaking his head Max turns around with a frown on his face while the crowd begins to chant for them to fight.

BZZANT!

Leon Booth drops to the ground as two Taser Tags spark from the back of his head. Following the two cables to the Taser gun reveals an emotionless looking Elenore Kael flanked by two Imperial Guards. With impassioned grace she dislodges the taser charge and reloads another from her clutch purse while Leon Booth flops on the ground like a fish out of water.

Max Kael: Aww.. there is some irony in there that I don’t quite remember but if I do I’ll be sure too owe Elenore a Five Dollar Bill.. or maybe a penny unless Mike finally gives me a raise. Ha-HA! Oh Cousin, you might want to..

Michael DeNucci, having no interest in getting tagged by Elenore, has already started high tailing it to his car. He reaches the front door and pulls it open..

BZZANT!

A pair of taser darts hit him in the shoulder knocking him to the ground him to the ground, flinching much like Booth as Elenore looks on with a dispassionate expression. Once again she dislodges the charge and slips the gun back into her purse as she motions for the guards to take Booth and DeNucci away before turning and making her way back to the stage. All around the fans are half cheering and half booing as they are not sure if they have just witnessed some super sexy version of police brutality. In either case no one is bothering Elenore out of fear.

Max Kael: Oh damn! DeNucci gets taken out by another woman in one shot! It’s just not his luck these last few weeks I guess. Welp, I guess that means..

Max puts one hand into his pocket while he holds his microphone in the other, walking toward his thrown with a sigh.

Max Kael:.. Simon Sparrow has.. TWO NO SHOWS! Aww.. Sorry Simon, maybe you’ll start to take me seriously now though. You’re just the yoke of my Imperial Egg, Simon. You may control what goes on in there but as I have demonstrated already.. I CONTROL what happens in the universe around it. So tell me, my loyal citizens.. WHO IS YOU EMPEROR!?

Crowd: MAX IS!

Max Kael: That’s right MAX KAEL IS!

 

High Octane War

The action cuts backstage where a tired, but victorious, Chris Kostoff ambled backstage after his hard fought win earlier in the night. Taking a moment to lean up against the wall for the sake of relaxing for a second, Kostoff would take in a few scant breaths of air before looking up as he heard the sounds of footsteps. Sure enough, none other than Missy Andrews would step into view, her award winning smile wide and bright as she brought her microphone into view. Despite himself, Kostoff would grunt and force himself upright to address the woman.

Missy Andrews: Hey, Kostof-AGH!

With a high pitched squeal, Missy would suddenly be tossed aside. Kostoff had barely any time to react-His eyes going wide before suddenly a man launched himself at him from off screen. Dressed in a dark grey suit, the obviously Asian man assaulted Kostoff, violently slamming forearms shots across the already worn man’s face. Kostoff was a tough bastard though, even when he was taken off guard, he was throwing punches right back at the man, refusing to give up any more ground to his unknown assailant. It even seemed as though he was starting to get an advantage over his attacker; Kostoff was much larger and had a greater physical strength behind him. Before he could get too invested in working his attacker over, another man would appear from just behind him. Kostoff never saw the steel chair that struck him in the back of the head, instantly taking him down to his knees.

???: Get him, God damn it! Get him!

The white man, taller than the Asian but sporting a similar suit save for its black coloring, shouted as he pointed to his Asian counterpart. Never one to wait for an invitation, the Asian man spit down onto Kostoff before reaching down and grabbing a handful of hair, dragging the groggy man up slightly before rearing back with a leg, outright punting the man in the face. Embolded by his partner’s cheers, he kept kicking away at Kostoff’s face, gradually bruising and bloodying it before he would drop the man’s barely conscious body to the ground. With his assault done, the Asian man would slowly stand up, letting out a low sigh as he adjusted the smoky grey tinted glasses that somehow managed to stay on his face the entire time before slowly, turning to face Missy Andrews, who was still on the floor after being flung aside.

???: Get up, woman! Now!

Yelling at her, he demanded she rise. Looking outright terrified from the sudden attack, she would slowly comply, rising as the camera caught glimpses of the other man behind them, beginning to take the chair to Kostoff’s downed body. Ignoring the grunts of pain that followed the sound of steel impacting human flesh, the Asian man would smile and adjust the collar of his expensive blazer while looking to Missy Andrews, who only raised the microphone up to him while looking as though she was expecting to be struck next. Licking over his lips, the man casual began to speak as he straightened out the rest of his suit.

???: Konbanwa, High Octane Wrestling. You may be wondering who we are. You may be wondering why we’re attacking Mr. Kostoff. You may be wondering many things right now, but wonder no longer. My name is Gosenkugi Kenji and I am here, along with my partner, William, to put forth a simple message. One that even you, the majority of idiots in the HOW locker room and America itself can understand…

Letting his voice trail off, he’d lean back just enough to look toward the aforementioned William, who was busy trying to choke Kostoff with the edge of the steel chair despite his body no longer putting up any more effort to defend itself. With an enraged expression, he’d glare down at Kostoff before looking up, noticing that Kenji was looking at him. Kenji merely jerked his hand, wordlessly summing him over. Scoffing, William looked down at Kostoff one final time before spitting on him and, in one final attempt to add both insult AND injury, throwing the chair down on top of the bloody mess that is the HOW Hall of famer. Walking over proper, William would take in a slow, deep breath while he adjusted his tie.

William: …And that message is that from this point forward, this company has become a war zone. No one is safe here. No one…

Pausing, William would turn his gaze to Missy, staring at her for a moment before suddenly bringing his hand up, threatening to outright backhands her. From the sudden, sharp movement, Missy would let out another brief noise of fear before she managed to cower back. Laughing softly at this, Kenji would reach out and take the microphone from her quivering hand before lifting it up to his own mouth.

Kenji: Indeed. So let it be known, to one and all, that as of tonight…The Axis Powers walk amongst you. And we have only one thing in mind, one goal. Complete destruction of any and all who dare oppose us…

Lowering the microphone, Kenji would take a moment to glower at the camera before glancing over to his taller partner, who was busy fixing his dark brown hair after messing it up post attack. Upon catching eyes with Kenji, William would simply nod before the duo began to walk off camera, clearly amused with what had transpired here. With the two men leaving, the camera would turn down to focus upon the fallen figure of an HOW legend, his body battered and a slowly building lake of blood seeping out from beneath the steel chair that covered his head.

 


If you just got attacked by a German and an Asian…please take two and call Benny in the morning..

 

The All American Segment of the Decade

Bryan McVay: I’m standing here with the new HOFC Champion, Christopher America. Chris, I must say that you are looking a lot better.

Christopher: I took some extra pills so I’m able to function well tonight. The air tastes like purple. God, it’s fantastic!

Bryan McVay: Uhm…..wow….. Now, Chris, there are whispers going on in the hallways that at HOFC 2, you will not be able to retain your championship against Michael DeNucci. Many state that you are either a one hit wonder or that Scottywood’s interference helped you win.

Christopher: Bryan, let me be real clear about this. Scottywood’s injection of himself as referee had nothing to do with it. There is always a referee in the cage with the fighters. It doesn’t matter if that judge is Scottywood, Mills Lane, or Lee’s bunk mate Tank McRapey. What DeNugget is looking for is an excuse. The problem is that excuses are like assholes. Everyone’s got one and it always stinks. As for the fact that I’m a one hit wonder, well, look at the facts. I’m the leader of the Lee Best group. I’m undefeated since returning to HOW. I am the HOFC Champion. Like the great American Babe Ruth, I called my shot. When I stepped up to the plate, I hit the touchdown, right into the net.

Bryan McVay: I think you went from baseball to football to hock—

Christopher: Excuse me, Bryan. It’s time I made a very important phone call for a very important cause.

The camera cuts to a splitscreen.

Sektor: Thank you for calling the Bobbinette Carey Telethon.

Christopher makes sure to raise the pitch and tone of us.

Christopher (almost falsetto): Yeah, I’d uh… like to make a pledge.

Sektor: Excellent. How much?

Christopher: Uh…

Christopher places his hand over the speaker and tries to stifle laughter.

Christopher: Uhm, 10 dollars.

Sektor: Thank you, every bit helps. Your name?

Christopher: Seymour.

Sektor: Last name?

Christopher: Butts… My name is Seymour Butts.

Sektor: Seymour Bu—. Fucker.

Christopher: It’s in your butt!

Sektor slams the phone down while a stage hand approaches Sektor to see how he’s doing.

Stage Hand: How’s the job going?

Sektor: I don’t like it.

 

Jimmy Kort vs. Simon Sparrow
Singles Match

We return ringside with HOFers Benny Newell and Joe Hoffman as Jimmy Kort makes his way down to the ring. Benny has forgone his trusty HOW Flask and has gone straight to the bottle, clearly needing it after this roller coaster of a night.

Joe Hoffman: Well.. that was an interesting.. America moment.

Benny Newell:..bllraaaaarrgh.. In America!.. er.. something.

Joe Hoffman:.. right. Anyway, as you can see Jimmy Kort is making his way down to the ring for yet another Invitational Match. Jimmy Kort is representing Definace Wrestling here in the tournament and has not as of yet met with any real success however if he manages to defeat Simon Sparrow it will go a long way into perhaps shaking the Hall of Famer in his charge to become the next High Octane Champion.

Benny Newell: Snort? Beat Sparrow? Good, fucking, luck. GM Sparrow has this in the fucking bag and he better.. Lee is NOT going to be happy if some outfedder beats his GM here tonight..hic..

Kort is met with a luke warm reaction from the fans as he moves directly to his corner and is searched for weapons by Matt Boettcher.

The lights dim down and the Legendary Simon Sparrow makes his way out onto the stage to a chorus of cheers. Working the crowd on his way down to the ring Simon Sparrow lives up his surroundings while keeping an eye out for his many manifesting enemies such as Scottywood, Aceldama, Max Kael or even other Defiance wrestlers seeking to get their man an advantage. He moves into the ring and poses for pictures as the fans pour on their support.

As both men get situated Matt Boettcher signals for the bell and the match is on. Kort moves in for an immediate lock up however he dodges out and starts to hammer of Sparrow with right and left hands forcing the surprised Sparrow into the corner. The fans begin to boo as Kort does not relent, instead continuing his assault on Sparrow even once he has pushed half of his body out of the ropes.

Boettcher is able to force Kort back with threats of DQ while Simon takes a moment to get a breather. Shaking the cobwebs free Sparrow slowly leads out of the corner keeping his guard up with a more weary approach to his opponent. Kort leans in again as he assaults Sparrow with another series of clubbing right hands which eventually knock the HOFer to the ground where Kort is quick to roll him out of the ring. Kort follows after as Boettcher starts a count out.

Kort grabs Sparrow’s head and drives him into the nearby ring pole as the fans boo and hiss at Kort. Ignoring them for the most part Kort picks up Sparrow and whips him into the barricade where he crumbles to the ground holding his back. Kort moves over toward Sparrow and starts to put the laces to his downed opponent with designs on causing more damage to Sparrows back.

As Boettcher gets near ten Kort rolls back into the ring and then back out to break the count where he continues his assault on the helpless Sparrow who has yet to get an advantage in his match against his stronger opponent. Kort peals back some of the protective padding around the ring and slams Sparrow onto the exposed concrete which causes Sparrow to scream out in pain as the fans reign in the hate on Kort. The hick from the south seems to ignore the Chicago crowd as he grabs Simon by the hair, rolling him back into the ring before he slides in hooking the leg..

1…

2..

Kickout!

Simon has a clean kick out though its clear from his face that he is in pain. Kort is quick to maintain his ill gotten gains as he places Sparrow in a Bow and Arrow torqueing his back. Sparrow screams out however he refuses to surrender as Boettcher checks on him multiple times. Meanwhile the crowd is gathering up behind Sparrow by chanting his name and stomping the ground.

Sparrow eventually fights free and manages to fire off a few body shots on Kort who is stunned enough to allow Simon to hit a few offensive strikes before bouncing off the ropes with a stiff closeline! Kort hits the mat as Sparrow stumbles around the ring holding his back as he tries to capitalize on his sudden rush of energy. He climbs to the top turnbuckle and waits for Kort to get back up to his feet..

MISSILE DROP KICK!

Kort goes down the hard way as Sparrow connects with his head and chest! Holding his back Simon crawls over to his opponent and drapes his arm over him..

1…

2…

Kickout!

Kort throws his arm up however Sparrow seems to have regained some of his confidence as he crawls his way back up to his feet. Kort also makes it up to his feet as Sparrow goes on the offensive with a chop block to the back of Kort’s knee taking it out from under him. Sparrow uses the ropes as leverage as he continues to put pressure on the leg and knee joints with the majority of his offensive. Dragging Kort into the center of the ring Simon bounces off the ropes and drops his own knee across Kort’s leg!

Kort screams out in pain as Sparrow limps around his fallen opponent still holding his back. Simon signals for the Jattaclysm locking it in! Kort screams out in pain as he thrashes about in the ring while Simon leans back. Still as Jatt pulls back its apparent that his own back is hurting as he winces visibly as Kort screams out.

Slowly Kort is able to get to the ropes where Simon is forced to release the hold! Simon releases the hold and moves away holding his back though he has a clear smirk on his face as he feels the end is near. Grabbing Kort by the head Simon drags him into the center of the ring where he starts to hook him up for the Falling Starr!

COUNTER! Kort shoves Simon into the ropes where he connects with a Big Boot!

Sparrow is laid out in the center of the ring as Kort stumbles around on his wobbly legs to shake free the butter flies. Slowly Sparrow starts to make it up to his feet though it’s clear he is not sure what is going on.. Kort kicks him in the cut and cinches him for a power bomb…

COUNTER!

Sparrow pulls out Kort’s legs and locks in the JATTACLYSM once again!

With nowhere to go Kort is forced to tap out! WINNER: SIMON SPARROW IN 14 MINUTES AND 21 SECONDS!

The action cuts elsewhere as we see a very relieved Sparrow exiting the ring..

 

Intentions Clear

A quick cut backstage presents us with Brian Bare, who is idly standing by in front of the bright orange Turmoil banner that serves as the backdrop. Fumbling to keep his microphone sturdy in his jittering right hand, Bare seems rather careless in his approach for this interview with Griffin Faze, who looks cautiously pessimistic as he steps firmly into the scene next to him.

The crowd pops for the rookie, who in just a short time has made waves in HOW despite falling short in his pursuit of the Tag Team and High Octane Championship titles. Not booked to compete tonight, Griffin is casually dressed in faded blue jeans and a tight black t-shirt with the ABS logo plastered over the front in electric blue lettering.

Brian Bare: Ladies and Gentlemen, joining me at this time is one half of the Alpha Beta Slam tag team, Griffin Faze. Griffin, last week you were successful in keeping Alpha Beta Slam’s Best Invitational Tournament hopes alive in defeating Brothers of the Beast representative, Jason Midnight; a match which, interestingly enough, was originally booked as a tag team affair. Can you fill us in as to your motives for…

Griffin Faze: My motives for what, Brian?

Griffin interjects, glaring at Brian with deep-rooted seriousness and a firm demeanor.

Brian Bare: I, well-

Griffin Faze: My motives for… dismembering you? For dragging Ryan down during his time as General Manager of Mayhem? My motives for tearing you limb from limb? For mutilating your corpse because of the contemptible influence you had upon my brother?!?

Brian finds himself stumbling over his words as Griffin inches closer to him; a look of fury and resentment in Faze’s eyes as he forces the interviewer to back away from him.

Griffin Faze: You feasted upon my brother’s weaknesses, and for what? For your own temporary high?!?

Griffin’s intensity becomes increasingly more heated as he speaks, so much so, that Brian is defenseless in his loss for words.

Griffin Faze: Obviously, nobody in the company gives a flying fuck about anyone but themselves! If not for me, who knows if Ryan would even be alive today! Things were supposed to get better around here once Mike Best came into the fold, but as far as I’m concerned, they’ve only gotten worse.

Brian Bare: M-maybe I should go…

Before his guest can even respond, Brian plants the microphone into Griffin’s chest and scampers off, perhaps for the good of his own safety as it was clear Griffin personal beef with him was validated by his incessant desire to get high in the company of his twin brother.

Griffin, on the other hand, turns toward the camera as it zooms in on him; a cold, dead stare on his face as he addresses the Phenomenal Fan Nation and the rest of the High Octane world.

Griffin Faze: God forbid I step foot in the arena tonight and get bombarded with questions and accusations about why I sent Ryan to Detox last week! So, to all of you who seem to think that my own personal glory and attention is more important than saving a man’s life… my own brother… my own flesh and blood, for Christ’s sake… you can kindly fuck off. Alpha Beta Slam is a Brotherhood. It’s about trust, courage, faith, and power; all of which my brother and I share with the upmost determination to become the new High Octane Champion. Not only did I save my brother’s life by sending him to Detox… I saved his dream as well; a dream I’ve kept alive for him by virtue of defeating Jason Midnight last week in this very arena. See, aside from you faithful fans in the Phenomenal Fan Nation, no one expects ABS to emerge as a legitimate contender to the High Octane Championship. All of them, they wave their Maxipotamian flags or fly by Simon Sparrow… and hell, maybe even pledged their backing to the new WWA Heavyweight Champion, Cobra.

Griffin snickers a bit, shifting his manner to a more boastful tone.

Griffin Faze: Griffin Faze? Surely, he’s nothing more than an inexperienced rookie who’s about to come back to reality next week when the Maurako Family picks him apart, right? He’s not to be taken seriously in this tournament!

Griffin mocks, as if he were telling things from an outsider’s perspective. But suddenly, he’s right back to the serious, affirming tone; a far cry from the party-going slacker we grew familiar around ICONIC. If one thing was clear, it was that Griffin was not to be taken lightly.

Griffin Faze: Or is it, in fact, just the opposite? That Griffin Faze is destined to emerge victorious as the Best Invitational Tournament winner, following the path that Crow took last year to become the new High Octane Champion? Soon, all will come to light after what has truly been a tumultuous couple weeks for Ryan and I. Tonight, my brother rests at home, released from the confines of DREAM’s Caged Hell. His body is bruised, scarred even, but is free and clear of any and all narcotics that once infected his soul. Next week, he returns alongside me a new man. A man with a clear conscious and rejuvenated focus, a man that will help me eliminate the Maurakos from this tournament and advance to the Knockout stage, where we can prove we belong and silence all the critics. The Maurako Family wants to play Tele-thon? Fine. They can fuck around all they want and it will only serve them nothing. But for Alpha Beta Slam? Trust me when I tell you that the Revolution of Brotherhood has only… just… begun!

Joe Hoffman: Strong words by Griffin Faze as he and his brother, the “Phenomenal One” Ryan Faze, get set to take on the Maurako Family next week here on Turmoil! A huge match with implications for the Best Invitational Tournament and the Tag Team title scene! We’ll be right back everybody!

With Griffin’s looming presence glaring confidently into the camera, the scene cuts away to commercial.

 


Airing live on HOTv on March 22nd from THE ROMAN COLISEUM

 

HOW Tag Team Title Match
Brothers of the Beast vs. The Cool Reality
Tag Team Match

Joe Hoffman: Well we are ready for tonight’s only title match Benny, the Tag Team titles will be on the line as the newly renamed Tag Team champions The Cool Reality will take on The Brothers of the Beast in what will be both team’s last first round Invitational match.

Benny Newell: Ya, but the Invitational is a non factor in this match. Cool Reality is locked in to the number one spot in their group and Brothers of the Beast have no chance in advancing. The only thing that made this match important again is Mike Best putting the Tag Team titles on the line, which I think was absurd since what has Brothers of the Beast done to deserve the shot?

Joe Hoffman: Well if they deserve it or not is a mute point to argue, because they WILL get the shot here, in what will now be a parking lot brawl after everyone from Simon Sparrow, Max Kael and Mike Best throwing their power around changing this stipulation.

Cutting backstage we see the Tag Team champions Scottywood with hockey stick in hand and Mr. Cool making their way to the parking lot, both with large smiles on their faces, but as they continue to walk they run into probably the last two people they wanted to see, Simon Sparrow with cell phone held up to his head and Louis the Little Person with sledgehammer in hand. Simon also has a large smile on his face as the Tag Team champions stop right in front of the new GM who is blocking the exit to the arena.

Scottywood: Get the fuck out of my way Simon before I take a slap shot at your one remaining nut.

Mr. Cool: He has one nut? That’s so unCOOL.

Not letting the insult/threat bother him Simon takes the cell phone and extends it to Scottywood whose smile quickly leaves his face as he cautiously takes the cell phone and places it up to his head. Listening to whoever it is Scotty’s face turns quickly to anger as he starts yelling into the phone.

Scottywood: What the fuck? You can’t do that! Fine, you can! But I’ll remember this!

Closing Simon’s phone Scotty throws it as hard as he can at the wall as it explodes apon impact as security quickly makes their way over and in-between Simon and Scottywood.

Simon Sparrow: So you best be getting to the ring Scotty…

Mr. Cool: What just happened? Who was that?

Scottywood: That was Lee… He changed the match back to a regular match… in the ring.

Simon Sparrow: Yes he did, and now you can hand over that hockey stick Scotty to these men, you won’t need it tonight.

Extremely angered, but knowing he is beat for now Scotty hands over his hockey stick to the security guards and him and Mr. Cool turn around and head back into the arena.

Joe Hoffman: Well I guess Simon got the ultimate trump card in Lee Best.

Benny Newell: Scottywood must have done something to really piss Lee off. First he takes his GM job away, now sides with Simon in the match stipulation for this match.

The lights go out and the HOV goes black before the sound of a roar is head and a roaring dragon can be seen on the HOV. It can be seen flying towards the screen as if it is going to fly right out of the HOV as “Through the Fire and Flames” by Dragonforce begins as the dragon opens it’s mouth and releases a gout of flame. At just that moment a set of flame pyros go off at the stage creating a standing wall of flame. The Brothers of the Beast emerge then and the three men emerge seemingly walking through the fire as they make their way to their ring.

Bryan McVay: The following Best Invitational match is scheduled for one fall and WILL be contested under normal rules and will be for the HOW Tag Team titles. First making their way to the ring from Reno, Nevada and weighing in at a combined weight of 691 pounds, being accompanied by Reverend Tyson Ross…..Jason Midnight and Jacob Morgan….The Brothers of the Beast!!!

Joe Hoffman: Well it seems that the three brothers have come to an amends, at least in appearance as all three are making there way to the ring this week.

Benny Newell: Didn’t you watch The Discovery Channel Presents: Relatives in the Wild Joe? They really aren’t brothers, they don’t even have the same last names.

Joe Hoffman: I am well aware of that Benny.

OOOOOHHHHHHH, You Gotta Keep ‘em Seperated

Decadence” by Disturbed starts to play as there is a 70-30 mix reaction, with the boos winning for the Tag Team champions who seem very annoyed as they make their way out onto the stage, with the glaring fact that Scottywood is without his hockey stick.

Bryan McVay: And making their way to the ring, one from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and weighing in at 225 pounds, he is the Dream Cool Champion and one half the HOW Tag Team Champions….Mr. Cool!!! Also from New York City, New York and weighing in at 265 pounds, he is one half of the HOW Tag Team Champions….The Hardcore Artist….Scottywood. Together they weigh in at a combined weight of 490 pounds….. The Cool Reality!!!!!

Joe Hoffman: Well Simon had Scottywood’s hockey stick confiscated as you just saw, so how will Scotty fair without a major part of his arsenal?

Benny Newell: A major part? He is The Hardcore Artist, it’s pretty much his entire arsenal. This is one… and probably the only instance where I agree with Mike Best over Lee.

Joe Hoffman: Again, regardless what you think, it is happening in the ring and Cool Reality will have to find a way to beat the Brothers of the Beast without any weapons.

Cancer and Scottywood enter the ring as Hortega quickly checks them over and takes the title as he calls for the bell getting the match under way. Cancer and Midnight start things off as they lock up and we see Midnight over power the smaller Mr. Cool and throw him to the mat. In the corner we see Scottywood lay his head on the top turnbuckle, trying to signify how boring this match is already.

Joe Hoffman: If Scotty keeps that up he can kiss those title good bye.

Benny Newell: Thanks to the power obsessed Simon Sparrow.

Cancer pops up and ducks a clothesline from midnight and connects with a big missile dropkick that knocks down the big man. Getting back up Midnight gets hit with a diving shoulder block and then a neck breaker before Midnight dives and tags in Jacob Morgan. The seven-foot beast enters and levels Cancer with a monster boot and follows it up spear as he locks Mr. Cool in a sleeper hold.

Joe Hoffman: Not good for Cancer as those giant biceps of Morgan will choke him out quickly.

Fading quickly we see Mr. Cool try to grasp for the ropes to break the hold as Scotty seems to be daydreaming as he stares out at the crowd. Cool continues to fight and is able to just be able to grab onto one of the ropes which makes Morgan break the hold. Taking a deep breath Cool tries to tag Scotty in but is stopped by Morgan who grabs Cancer around the waist the german suplexs him to the mat. He quickly tags in Midnight who as Cancer stands back up locks him in a bear hug, squeezing all the air out of him

Joe Hoffman: Good team work by Brothers of the Beast, really taking Cool Reality off their game.

Benny Newell: No, Simon Sparrow did that by not making this a hardcore match, by switching it back from a parking lot brawl and going off and crying to Lee Best.

The technical battle continues as Midnight releases the bear hug and hits a fireman’s carry double knee gut buster before going back to the bear hug and the plan of wearing Cancer down seems to be work. As Cool fights though we see Scottywood jump down from the apron and makes his way over to Bryan McVay where he grabs his microphone from him.

Scottywood: Everyone enjoying this borefest? Because this is exactly what your new General Manager is giving you all. Right now you could all be witnessing a bloody hardcore match…. Or a brutal parking lot brawl. But instead the ever so bland Simon Sparrow was insistent on keeping it a boring match contested under regular rules.

Sliding into the ring Scottywood charges at Midnight and delivers a boot to the head which breaks the bear hug as Cancer gasps for air and we see Joel Hortega order Scottywood out of the ring.

Scottywood: I should be the GM Joel, not Simon. You should be listening to me! I’m making this a hardcore match, now step aside!

Hortega shakes his head and tells Scotty is his best broken English that he is no longer GM, and that he has to power anymore. Pushing him back to his corner Scotty exits the ring and lifts up the ring arpon and pulls out a steel chair as he slides back into the ring and tries to go after Misnight who is getting back to his feet but again Hortega asserts his power as referee and takes the chair away from Scottywood. But as Hortega is getting rid of it we see Mr. Cool deliver a blatant low blow to Midnight who drops to the mat.

Joe Hoffman: Come on! That should be a disqualification!

Benny Newell: It’s legal if the ref doesn’t see is Joe.

Joe Hoffman: Cool now going for the cover….

Uno…..

Dos……

Tre..

NO!!

Midnight gets his shoulder up as Mr. Cool slams his fist on the mat and makes his way over to Scottywood and tags him in for the first time in the match. Scotty jumps in runs over to Morgan and decks him off the apron to prevent Midnight from tagging him in and starts stomping at Midnight as he lifts him off the mat, but gets a surprise as Midnight shakes off the boots quickly and decks Scotty with a clothesline.

Joe Hoffman: Boots don’t do as much damage as hockey stick shots and Scotty is caught a bit off guard.

Scottywood gets back up only to get caught with a monster boot and then right into a double handed chokeslam as Midnight goes for a cover.

Uno….

Dos……

NO!

Scotty kicks out as Midnight lifts him to his feet and sets him up for his finisher Final Toll by lifting him up into a fireman’s carry but Scotty slips out of the move and grabs Midnight from behind and tosses him over the top rope and to the outside of the ring as Scotty quickly follows.

Joe Hoffman: Not where Midnight wants to be, this may not be a hardcore match but Scottywood can legally use the environment in a devastating way.

Midnight gets to his feet and gets a boot from Scotty before he slams Midnight’s head into the steel steps once, twice, three times as Morgan makes his way over but we see Mr. Cool cut him off with a cross body off the ring apron that takes the big man down. Scotty now takes Midnight over to the announce table and tries to slam his head off that but Midnight blocks it and drives Scotty’s head into the table a couple times as Joe Hoffman quickly ditches his headset and moves away from the action. Joel Hortega continues to tell the two to get back into the ring as he starts a 10 count.

Uno…..

Dos…..

Tres…..

Benny Newell: Well Joe has run away like a pussy, so that leaves me to call this action that is almost literally in my lap.

Cuatro….

Taking a nearby camera cord we see Midnight attempt to choke Scottywood out with it as Mr. Cool cuts Midnight off with a shot to the back, but all that does is anger Midnight who lays out Mr. Cool with a killer right.

Cinco….

Seis…..

This allows Scottywood to escape and move away from the announce table as Joe finds it safe to rejoins Benny. Tyson Ross tries to take a shot at Scottywood while Hortega is dealing with Midnight and Cool but Scottywood ducks his clothesline and connects with an SDT on the outside floor.

Siette….

Benny Newell: Glad you could rejoin me Joe.

Joe Hoffman: Hey! I don’t get paid nearly enough to be near those psychos when they are battling.

Ocho….

Nueve….

With Mr. Cool and Ross just laid out we see Midnight and Scottywood dive under the bottom rope to beat out the ten count but both men quickly roll back to the outside of the ring as both would rather use the ring environment to punish the other then wrestling holds as Hortega starts his ten count all over again.

Joe Hoffman: Both were close to getting counted out there, but they seem to not have learned much as they head right back to the outside.

Uno….

Trading blows Midnight and Scottywood go at it again as Midnight’s size gets the advantage and he takes a dazed Scottywood and rings his head off the ring post which opens up a cut on the head of Scottywood and we see out first bit of blood in the match. Midnight continues to hammer the open wound, only making it worse as he brings Scotty back over to the announce table but Scotty comes back with a low blow which Hortega can’t see and whips Midnight into the steel steps.

Dos….

Tres…..

Joe Hoffman: Blood starting to cover The Hardcore Artist’s face, though that is only going to fire him up.

With Midnight down we see Morgan who has just laid out Mr. Cool with spear get up and turn right into a right hand of Scotty’s which wraps around Morgan’s throat as he is lifted up and chokeslams right through the announce table as he see Joe Hoffman dive into the front row of the crowd.

Cinco….

Seis…..

Benny Newell: Scottyslam! Right through our announce table!!

Siette…..

Ocho……

With Morgan laying in the rubble of the announce table we see Midnight getting back to his feet as Scotty takes the chance to make his way back into the ring before the ten count. Midnight also realizes the count is near as he stands back to his feet,

Nueve….

He is about to re-enter the ring but suddenly we see something fly at Midnight and strike him in the face.

Joe Hoffman: Was that an egg?

Benny Newell: I believe it was.

Another egg strikes Midnight in the face as Hortega pauses his count as he tries to figure out what is going on. The camera pans and we see Mr. Cool with a carton of eggs that he has procured from under the ring. Not being able to see Mr. Cool who is laying prone on the floor Hortega can’t see a problem with the egg yolk on Midnight’s face as he orders him back in the ring.

Joe Hoffman: I don’t like it, but you really can’t consider eggs a weapon.

Midnight tries to get back into the ring but Mr. Cool quickly grabs the leg of Midnight who tries to shake him but he can’t as Hortega who still can’t see Cool has no option but to continue his count.

Diez…..

DING DING DING

Joe Hoffman: That’s not right! Cancer prevented him from entering.

Benny Newell: But Hortega never saw it, so it never happened Joe.

Bryan McVay: The winners of this match in 11 minutes and 49 seconds by count out and still the HOW Tag Team champions….The Cool Reality!!!

Joe Hoffman: Well Scottywood and Mr. Cool steal this one, and steal 3 more points in the Invitational, giving them a perfect 9 heading into the knockout round.

Benny Newell: And Brothers of the Beast will not get another Tag Team title shot until they earn it according to Simon Sparrow… so that will be a long… LONG time.

Joe Hoffman: If screw jobs like that continue, yes. Anyhow we have more of the Maurako telethon, so let’s head back there to see how things are going.

 

Care-a-Thon Finale

We once again return to the basement of the Kallisten Coliseum where Silver Cyanide is shooting a hockey puck up against the wall. John Sektor is the only volunteer still seated at the tables, there are papers scattered all over the room. Mario and Bobbinette stand centered in front of the “Care-A-Thon” sign as they look around at the mess that the Care-A-Thon has become.

Bobbinette Carey: Hey, weren’t there TV’s over there earlier?

Mario Maurako: Yeah, but I had to pay Larry Platt for his appearance. Apparently he didn’t understand the “Volunteer” part of tonight’s event. Speaking of volunteers… where did Connery go? We need to keep tabs on him.

Connery walks past the camera talking on his cell phone to an unknown person.

Sean Connery: Yeah open hand, that way it doesn’t bruise.

Bobbinette Carey: So umm… Sektor is it? How are we looking?

Sektor: Well, are we counting the $1 donation from Livie?

Mario shakes his head no as Sektor looks at his paper and erases what was likely the dollar donation.

Sektor: Well then when you factor in the pending lawsuits we’re in the red.

Bobbinette Carey: The red? Is that good?

Mario Maurako: It’s fine… we have diplomatic Immunity.

Martino Maurako comes rushing into the basement with a worrisome look on his face.

Martino Maurako: Mario someone is here to see you.

Mario Maurako: Great a donation LIVE.

Martino Maurako: I’m not sure if it’s about a donation man.

Mario Maurako: What else could it possibly be about? Oh well, no worries. Send him in.

Martino Maurako: Not a him… her. Mosé send her in.

Mosé and Barbra Walters enter the basement and Barbara doesn’t look none too pleased. Barbara Walters walks right up and gets in Mario’s face.

Barbara Walters: Do you think this is some kind of joke? Men abusing women is a huge problem in this country.

Mario Maurako: Whoa whoa settle down there. I’ve done my part Barbs. I’ve started dozens of petitions to end Women’s Suffrage, it isn’t my fault that Capitol Hill didn’t listen.

Barbara Walters: You must forget who you’re talking to.

Bobbinette Carey steps in between Walters and Maurako as she doesn’t like the old bat getting that close to Mario.

Bobbinette Carey: Listen bitch if you were smart you step off of my man.

Surprised by Carey’s sudden presence Walters takes two steps back.

Bobbinette Carey: That’s right you whore I’ll f’n slit you from head to toe.

Mario Maurako: Now now Carey… settle down. We don’t need you pulling out that knife again. I think we’ve got this under control ok?

Carey walks away from the confrontation as Sean Connery passes by and notices Barbara Walters.

Sean Connery: Just a second I think I’ll have to call you back.

Barbara Walters: Well if it isn’t Sean Connery.

Sean Connery: I know who I am.

Barbara Walters: I see you view still haven’t changed. You still think it’s ok to slap women.

Sean Connery: I don’t slap women Barbara. I slap bitches, you happen to fall into the category Barbara. I repeat Miss Walters, you are included in that nomenclature.

Barbara Walters goes to speak but is cut off with a hard bitch slap from Sean Connery which sends her to the ground. Mario smiles as the Whack-o-Meter dings and goes to 1,038 and the scene fades.

 


Sean Connery just fed these three with a palm sandwich

 

Max Kael vs. David Black
Singles Match

Returning from the final commercial break we are taken once again to Benny and Joe who are standing by at the destroyed announcers table.

Benny Newell: Main Event! We made it to the Main Event..’n that bitch Carey still doesn’t have enough money to pay for her own traffic violations!

Joe Hoffman: It’s not to pay for a violation, Benny, she didn’t do anything wrong! It’s to help pay for her medical expenses incurred when she was struck by a drunk driver..

Benny Newell: IMPOSSIBLE! Men drive better when they are drunk.. take me for example.

Joe Hoffman: Yeah.. take you for example. Fat, drunk and barely able to talk.

Benny Newell:..I get.. the.. distinct.. wait.. WAIT!..

The sound of Benny vomiting clears over the feed as Joe Hoffman can be heard gagging.

Joe Hoffman: God, Benny! You’d think by now I’d be used to that.. oh.. oh god Benny, it smells like bourbon mixed with rotten eggs and old Chinese food.. mmpgh.. Damn it Benny..

Benny Newell:..uugh.. as.. as I was saying. Whew.. I get the distinct feeling that you don’t like me anymore..

Joe Hoffman: I like you just fine I just wish you wouldn’t drink as much Benny.

Benny Newell:.. aww that’s touching. Wait.. does that look like blood or ketchup to you?

Joe Hoffman: I don’t know.. nor do I really care. BENNY! Stop poking your vomit and let the clean up crew do their job. Focus.. it’s the Main Event.. Max Kael vs. David Black in the Invitational..

Benny Newell: I got it, I got it.. just let me get a drink before we start..

Joe begins to berate Benny once again however the lights dim suddenly and the new and Improved David Black makes his way out onto the stage before heading down to the ring. The fans are mixed in regards to the new David Black however they are quick to offer their support if only to try and vanquish Maximillian Kael. Joe makes a note that Black has ditched the all black wardrobe for a pair of jeans and a green shirt. He also carries with him a more brutish, animalistic wild man look reflected by his confusing interview earlier in the night. Rolling into the ring Black poses briefly before he backs up into his corner.

The HOV comes alive with a picture from outside where it appears a large strip of grass and turf from the outside of Kallisten Coliseum has been removed. The Throne appears empty though Elenore and Sutler still appear on either side of it. Suddenly the stage becomes highlighted by various spot lights as the gentle and courtly music of Fairfax Castle chims over the speakers. A crew appear with a large wheel that one might expect a red carpet to be attached too however as they real it out green grass appears instead. The grass carpet leads all the way down to the edge of the ring as Maximillian Kael makes his appearance.

A chorus of boos fill the arena as Emperor Max makes his way down to the ring seemingly paying little attention to the naysayers around him. On one shoulder he has the Internet Title while over the other the ICON Title glistens in the spot lights. Making his way into the ring Max hands both titles off and poses for the cameras while trash and garbage is randomly thrown in at him.

The bell rings and both men slowly circle each other before they tie up in the center of the ring. Max is able to push Black into the ropes where Boettcher calls for a clean break. Max slowly backs away before he eye racks Black leading to admonishment from Boettcher which Max seems to brush off. Max throws his opponent into the ropes and hits a forearm smash on Black sending him down to the mat hard. Max circles and drops an elbow across Black’s sternum before going for a lazy pin..

1..

Kickout!

Joe Hoffman: An early attempt there by Max though it’s clear it was meant more as an insult to Black rather than an honest pin attempt.

Benny Newell: It’s cause Max knows he can beat that fuck-tard easy!

Black is quick to kick out and roll away from Max taking refuge over in the ropes while the over confident Emperor of HOW slowly gets up to his feet and poses. Unfortunately Max spends to much time posing and not enough time focusing allowing Black time to recover..

SPEAR!

Joe Hoffman: Wow! Black out of no where with that huge spear!

Benny Newell: Come on Max! Don’t fuck this up this early in the match! Stay on him!

Black nearly cuts Max in half with a powerful spear that leaves Max in the fetal position in the center of the ring. Black hooks the leg for a quick cover.

1..

2..

Kickout!

Benny Newell: Thank god Max! I almost had my fourth heart attack!

Joe Hoffman: You’ve had four heart attacks?

Benny Newell: I don’t remember after my second stroke..

Joe Hoffman: You’ve had two strokes!?

Benny Newell: Don’t know, too drunk to remember.

Max throws his shoulder up as Black mounts Max and fires off a series of right and left hands. Max does his best to defend himself but from his downed position all he can do is cover up. Black eventually gets off Max and send a series of boots to Max’s head before throw him into the ropes where he nails a spinning heel kick that takes Max to the ground. Black heads up to the top rope where he drops a long distance elbow drop across Max’s chest before he goes for the pinfall again..

1…

2..

Kickout!

Joe Hoffman: Black ALMOST had it there but the crafty ICON Champion managed to get his arm up!

Benny Newell: He is your god damn Emperor now, Hoffman! Treat him with more respect!

Once again Max manages to get his shoulder up as David Black looks around the ring wildly. Grabbing Max by the head Black sends him sailing over the top rope where he crashes hard onto the ground near the broken table left in the aftermath of the Tag Team match. Black shoves Boettcher to the side as he follows Max to the outside grabbing Max once again by the head before running him into the nearby ring pole with a resounding thud! Max collapses to the ground in a heap as Black rolls into the ring and back out to break the count.

Black stalks after Max who has started to crawl toward the broken table. Black reaches down and pulls Max up.

MAX JABS A PIECE OF THE WOODEN TABLE INTO BLACK’S FACE!

Joe Hoffman: Oh god! Come on! Max Kael is resorting to using.. using pieces of our broken announcers table now!

Benny Newell: Improvisation is part of being a great wrestler, Hoffman, you should know this by now! Max is just taking.. uh.. creative licensing with his surroundings! He is fighting for his title after all!

David releases Max who collapses to the ground. Black stumbles back screaming as he holds onto his face while blood can slowly be seen slipping between his fingers. The ICON champion slowly pulls himself up to his feet and stumbles to the side of the ring where he rolls in and props himself up in the corner. Black remains outside still holding his face before he rolls back into the ring. Max stumbles forward and begins to focus on Black’s head and face forcing his hands away. A series of right hands really open up the gash he opened just over Black’s eye causing blood to pour down over his face.

Max relents when Boettcher forces him back giving Black enough time to crawl to relative safety as he touches his face in confusion. Eventually Max Kael simply moves Boettcher out of the way as he approaches David Black hitting a stiff European Uppercut knocking him down. Max puts his boot on Black’s forehead now and grinds his foot in causing Black to spasm wildly from the pain being inflicted upon him.

Max looks confident in his victory as he drops down to his knees and stares at Black as he writhes on the ground holding his face. Max slips back outside the ring and slowly approaches the time keeper apparently demanding the ICON Title which he clearly intends to use as a weapon.

Benny Newell: Finish him off Max! FUCKING END THIS MOTHER!

LOUIS THE LITTLE PERSON Jumps out from the crowd at Max like some kind of jack in the box of terror! Max lets out a girlish scream as he falls back flailing at the air while Louis out at Max with a flurry of fists. Max doesn’t appear overly harmed however he quickly attempts to scramble away from him. In his zeal to escape Max jumps up to his feet and turns only to run straight into a now active David Black who levels him with a stiff super kick to the jaw!

Benny Newell: OH JESUS CHRIST! SOMEONE GET THAT LITTLE FUCKER AWAY FROM ME!

Joe Hoffman: It’s Simon Sparrows’ Manager! Where did he come from! Does Simon know he is out here!?

Louis the Little Person acts quickly snatching the Internet Championship before he makes a break for it scurrying up the ramp while Max Kael is apparently knocked unconscious outside the ring compliments of David Black.

Benny Newell: That fucking asshole! That little fucking asshole he stole Max’s Internet Championship! What the fuck!? Someone get that little thief back here!

Joe Hoffman: I.. I am not sure what I just saw.. but.. I am not sure it is going to matter since I think Black might have Max beat!

Benny Newell: No fucking way! NO FUCKING WAY!

Wiping blood from his face, Black scoops up the motionless Max Kael and rolls him into the ring, sliding in behind him. Black covers Max..

1..

2…

3!!!!

WINNER: WAIT!

Benny Newell: JESUS! Max! What the fuck are you doing!?

Boettcher signals that Max’s foot was on the ropes and as a replay shows he did get his foot up on the ropes. Boettcher signals for the match to continue while Black looks frustrated by the result as he tries to clear more blood away from his face. Dragging Max into the center of the ring he signals for the Blackout! He pulls Max Kael up to his feet…

The lights down down as the HOV come to life. Suddenly the face of Elenore Kael fills it smiling overly politely down at David Black.

Elenore Kael: Hello David..

Black turns and wipes the blood away as he stares up into Elenore’s face with a confused expression.

Elenore Kael: ..so gullible..

David’s eyes widen as he realizes too late that Elenore was distracting David for her cousin. Spinning around as the lights come back up..

SINGULARITY!

Out of desperation Max manages to hit the Singularity bouncing David Black’s head off the canvus. Reaching over he drapes an arm over Black’s chest..

1..

2…

3!!

WINNER: MAX KAEL IN 20 MINUTES AND 25 SECONDS!

Joe Hoffman: Elenore Kael, that snake in the grass, costs Black the win here tonight folks, David Black was robbed!

Benny Newell: David Black wasn’t fucking robbed, Elenore Kael just found a loophole through Simon Sparrow’s little decree that she could not step foot in the backstage, locker room or ringside area! Seems the New and Improved David Black is still open to trickery!

Joe Hoffman: Well regardless this means Max Kael will indeed be advancing into the next round along with Simon Sparrow as the two undefeated and undisputed members of their respected divisions.

Benny Newell: Damn right, Hoffman, Damn RIGHT! Now Where is that Trial Footage!?

After the match the referee helps Max up to his feet though it’s clear he is not quite sure what just happened. Black remains down as blood continues to seep out of the wound over his eye. Medical teams run down to the ring as Max Kael is handed his ICON Title however he has yet to realize that his Internet Championship is still missing as Turmoil comes to a close…

MARIO MAURAKO’S testimony is next!!!

 

TESTIMONY SEGMENT

We return to the Cook County Courthouse for the ongoing trial of Lee Best. The last two weeks we saw Simon Sparrow & Max Kael both testify, this week you will hear the testimony of Mario Maurako. Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr. takes his seat and bangs the gavel on the podium.

Honorable Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Mr. Fitzgerald, your witness.

Fitzgerald: The State calls Mr. Mario Maurako to the stand.

Mario Maurako in a bright red suit stands up from the middle of the crowd and starts heading toward the isle ‘accidentally’ kicking the women he passes. Mario takes his seat at the witness stand and the bailiff approaches Mario with The Bible.

Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?

Mario Maurako: I do… Man that’s scary. I still regret the last time I said those words.

Fitzgerald: Mr. Maurako-

Mario Maurako: You can call me Mario. My Dad is Mr. Maurako… well actually he’s Mr. King Maurako right now.

Fitzgerald: Ok then Mario. Can you confirm for the court room how exactly you know Lee Best.

Mario Maurako: Well like most people you’ve heard from he is my boss.

Fitzgerald: And how long have you worked for Mr. Best?

Mario Maurako: Well quite a while. I had a short stint with him a few years back but I’ve consistently worked for him since September of 2008.

Fitzgerald: My notes here say that you were a member of the Best Alliance is that also correct?

Mario Maurako: Kind of.

Fitzgerald: What do you mean, you either were or you weren’t.

Mario Maurako: Ok I was but that was a long time ago.

Fitzgerald: During your time in the Best Alliance did Mr. Best ever ask you to do something illegal?

Lee Best: Objection your honor!

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: I’m going to allow this one. Prosecutor get to the point please.

Mario Maurako: Well there was the time where he booked me to lose to Jeff Harris… that should’ve been illegal.

Fitzgerald: No I mean something against the law.

Mario Maurako: That isn’t against the law? Well it certainly should be.

Fitzgerald: So you mean to tell me that you never witnessed Lee Best break a any law or command that somebody else break a law?

Mario Maurako: Well he did break Man-Law when he slept with Kostoff’s wife.

Lee Best: Objection your honor. Man-Law isn’t written, therefore doesn’t apply.

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Sustained.

Fitzgerald: So you mean to tell me Mario that the entire time you’ve known Lee Best you have no knowledge of his plans to ‘Bottom Line’ people, or perhaps any knowledge of his use of Besty the Cow?

Mario Maurako: Umm nope… not really. I mean you do understand that what we do is entertainment right? It’s not real. If everything we saw was real then wouldn’t we be ready to crucify Criss Angel? I mean we crucified the last man who walked on water.

Fitzgerald: But that’s just an illusion.

Mario Maurako: Exactly… and a ‘Bottom Line’ gives the illusion that someone just got stabbed in the eye with a pen.

Fitzgerald sighs loud enough for Lee to hear it sitting at his table and a smile appears on his face.

Fitzgerald: I can see that I’m not going to get anywhere with you. I have no further questions.

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Your witness Mr. Best.

Lee Best: Mario, is it true that you left my Best Alliance to form your own stable in December of 2008?

Mario Maurako: Yes.

Lee Best: And did you suffer any recourse for your actions?

Mario Maurako: Outside of you booking me to fight my stable mates once or twice, no.

Lee Best: And I even let you take the Stable Titles with you when you left didn’t I?

Mario Maurako: Well yes, but I maintain that I earned them.

Lee Best: Whatever. So you can sit here today in front of all these people and claim that you are 100% unbiased?

Mario Maurako: Yes I can. You haven’t given me anything that I haven’t earned myself.

Lee Best: One final question before you go.

Mario Maurako: Sure thing.

Lee Best: Do you think I’m guilty of all these crimes that I’m accused of.

Mario Maurako: No I don’t.

Lee Best: Thank you, that’s all your honor.

Lee Best makes his way back to his table as Mario begins to stand up.

Lee Best: Oh, one more thing Mario. I hear you’re having a little Telethon for Bobbinette Carey on Turmoil, is that true?

Mario Maurako: Yes.

Lee Best: Well then I hope you will accept a check on my behalf. Go ahead and have the office make it out for a Million Dollars. That should take care of her don’t you think?

The court room erupts with people talking and the Judge slams his gavel down.

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Order, Order in the court!

END OF TRANSMISSION

Show Details

Kallisten Coliseum

Chicago, Illinois

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