Thursday Night Turmoil
February 25th, 2010 – #HOW107
Kallisten Coliseum, Chicago, IL
The HOTv logo gives way and we are taken live outside of the Kallisten Coliseum…
The cameras follow a limo down the road in front of the Kallisten Coliseum. The limo drives past a crowd of women who appear to be demonstrating the Maurako/Carey wedding, at the head of the group is none other then Dawn McGill. The limo pulls up outside the Kallisten Coliseum and the door opens and out steps Lee Best all decked out in a nice tuxedo. Lee straightens his jacket and then begins to walk into the building and we cut to ringside with Joe Hoffman and Benny Newell.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome everyone to this special performance of Thursday Night Turmoil, and as you just saw Lee Best is in the building tonight, and we will surely hear from him later. We’ve also got an LSD Title Match between Dawn McGill and Chris Kostoff. But perhaps what most people are talking about, today Mario Maurako & Bobbinette Carey will be joined in holy matrimony and then in the Main Event Bobbinette will defend her HOW World Championship against her new husband!
Benny Newell: There’s ‘something’ about a wedding that just makes me want to drink.
Joe Hoffman: Benny you always want to drink.
Benny Newell: Well, that is ‘something’.
“Ego” by Element Eighty hits and Mario Maurako walks out onto the stage wearing his wrestling tights, his HOW Tag Team Title around his wais and the other over his shoulder, and is also wearing a red bowtie. Mario is followed by his father Matteo, brother Martino, and son Mosé, all of which are wearing jeans and a T-shirt with a picture of a Tuxedo top on them. The Maurako Family makes their way down the ramp and head toward the ring, where a slender bald man dressed all in black and wearing a clerical collar stands waiting for them. The Maurako’s enter the ring and stand in a line off to the right of the Reverend known as Jeffrey James as Bobbinette’s sister Elysia plays the role of the Maid of Honor and stands on the other side of Reverend Jeffrey James. Mario shakes Jeffrey’s hand as he stands there waiting for the bride.
The arena is filled with the sound of a trumpet as “Here Comes the Bride” is played via Trumpet & Organ combo and Bobbinette Carey & Lee Best walk out onto the stage arm in arm. Bobbinette is wearing an all white version of her wrestling attire with the HOW World Heavyweight Championship around her waist and a nice veil that drapes down over her face. Lee slowly leads Bobbinette Carey down the isle and then up the ring steps before holding the ropes down for her as she enters.
The crowd is cheering madly and the cameras focus in on Lee who is making his first live appearance since being arrested a few months ago.
Back in the ring, Mario’s eyes immediately set in on Bobbinette’s HOW World Championship around her waist as Mario reaches out Lee hands Bobbinette’s hand to Mario and they turn to face Reverend Jeffrey James.
Rev. Jeffrey James: Friends, we have come together today to witness the marriage of Mario Maurako and Bobbinette Carey. The legal requirements of Maurako Island having been fulfilled, and the license for their marriage being present, I must ask of each party if they come of their own free will and accord.
Mario, do you come to this union of your free will, and with the intention of being faithful in marriage to Bobbinette Carey as long as you shall live?
There is a delay in Mario’s answer as he is still looking down at the waist of Bobbinette Carey and that precious HOW Heavyweight Championship. Mario quickly catches himself though and answers the question.
Mario Maurako: Of course I do.
Bobbinette Carey, do you come to this union of your free will, and with the intention of being faithful in Marriage to Mario Maurako as long as you shall live?
Bobbinette quickly answers with an “I do”.
Rev. Jeffrey James: The couple will now exchange their wedding vows that have been prepared for them, starting with you Mario.
Mario Maurako: I, Mario Maurako, do take you, the HOW World Heavyweight Championship, to be my lawfully wedded wife. I promise from this day forward to be your faithful husband, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as I shall live.
Rev. Jeffrey James leans forward and informs Mario he said HOW World Heavyweight Championship.
Mario Maurako: I’m sorry. I take you, the HOW World Heavyweight Champion, Bobbinette Carey.
Rev. Jeffrey James: That’s better.
Bobbinette Carey: I, Bobbinette Carey, do take you, Mario Maurako, to be my lawfully wedded husband. I promise to love, honor, obey, cook for, clean up after, surrender your share of the blanket to, live with the flatulence of, relinquish the remote to and deal with the toilet seat up until we are separated by death.
Rev. Jeffrey James: The wedding ring seals the vows of marriage as a signature and bears witness to a written covenant. As the ring is placed upon the finger, you will repeat these words: In pledge of the vow of marriage made between us, I offer you this ring. Let it be to you and to me, and to the entire world, the symbol of the covenant of marriage we have accepted.
Mario looks to Matteo who shrugs his shoulders. Mario holds up his index finger to the Reverend as he exits the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Here we go Mario is leaving Bobbinette Carey at the Alter. You just knew this thing had failure written all over it.
Benny Newell: Settle the fuck down Hoffman he isn’t going anywhere.
Mario walks over to a girl who has her hair done in two pig tails. Mario appears to speak with the woman and she shakes her head no. Suddenly Mario open hand slaps the woman and Mario grabs a hold of the two hair ties in her hair and pulls them out. The Whack-O-Meter appears on the HOV and changes from 1,038 to 1,039 as Mario re-enters the ring and stands next to Bobbinette again. Mario grabs Bobbinette’s hand and slides the hair tie over her ring finger.
Mario Maurako: Ah crap I can’t remember what Jeff told me to say. Umm, let this ring be a symbol to you on this night. The night that everyone here in the Kallisten Coliseum will witness Mario Maurako win the HOW World Heavyweight Championship…. and also our undying love for each other.
Mario then takes the other hair tie and places it on his own ring finger.
Bobbinette Carey: In pledge of the vow of marriage made between us, I offer you this ring. Let it be to you and to me, and to the entire world, the symbol of the covenant of marriage we have accepted, and also as a symbol to the day where you almost won the HOW World Heavyweight Championship.
Mario is stunned by Carey’s proclamation but before he can answer Rev. Jeffrey James continues on with the ceremony.
Rev. Jeffrey James: We have come together in this place and have heard the willingness of Mario Maurako and Bobbinette Carey to be joined in marriage. They have come of their free will and in our hearing have made a covenant of faithfulness. They have given and received a ring as the seal of their promises. Therefore, by the power vested in me by King Matteo of Maurako Island, I pronounce that they are husband and wife. I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Mario Maurako. You may kiss the bride.
Mario stands in defiance from Bobbinette’s proclamation and Bobbinette grabs Mario on both sides of his head and plants a big sensual kiss right on his lips. Mario’s arms flail wildly as he attempts to push Bobbinette off of him. Bobbinette Carey-Maurako releases the lip lock and licks her lips as we see Lee Best clapping enthusiastically as we go to our first commercial.
DeNucci testifies later tonight with a surprise witness as well!
The Axis OF Power vs. Hydra
Tag Team Match
Joe Hoffman- Well it is now down to the action folks as we have our first match up of the night and it’s the debut of not one but TWO tag teams as The Axis of Power take on Hydra…and was I the only one that was waiting for Lee to Bottomline Carey?
Benny Newell– C’mon Joe…Lee clearly only came for the wedding. I doubt we even see him the rest of the night as I am sure he has to be hauled off to jail….anyhoo…Hey Joe, what do you get when you cross a German with a Jap?
Joe Hoffman- I do apologise for the racist remarks of my co-commentator folks, he doesn’t think before he speaks
Benny Newell– A fat man in a diaper who steals your sun bed!
Joe Hoffman- Very good Benny.
Benny Newell– Oh I got plenty more to come!
Joe Hoffman- Well the Axis of Power graced us with their presence last week on Turmoil, making their intentions clear, but not much is known of the other team Hydra.
Benny Newell– I have a little knowledge about them.
Joe Hoffman- Really? Would you like to enthral the people?
Benny Newell– They SUCK! Drink!!
As Benny tucks into what will be the first of many drinks tonight both teams are in the ring and ready for action. It seems that after much discussion it will be James Ranger starting off for Hydra as Kenji Gosenkuji will kick off for the Axis of Power. The referee for the match Joel Hortega calls for the bell and the wrestling action is under way for another edition of Turmoil
DING DING DING
Both men size up one another, circling around one another for a moment, both daring the other to make the first move. It is Ranger who makes the first move charging at Kenji as they both meet in a grapple, Ranger gets the upper hand, grabbing Kenji’s arm and hyper extending it out in front of him, but Kenji does a backwards flip and breaks free from the hold then smacks Ranger in the back of the head with an enziguri, flattening him to the ground. He lands on Ranger with a front forward flip straight to the mid section.
Joe Hoffman- Wonderful athleticism there from the Japanese star.
Benny Newell– Yea, but the name? I can’t pronounce that!
Joe Hoffman- Benny, you can hardly pronounce your own name at the best of times!
Benny Newell– Touché Hasselhoffmann, Drink!
Kenji tries to keep Ranger on the canvas by applying a sleeper hold, but Ranger is now on one knee, Kenji knees him to the spine but it doesn’t stop him from trying to get free. He flings his arms backwards and grabs onto Kenji’s hair and is able to pull him onto his shoulders, he then manages to stand up and throw him off his shoulder in a bulldog fashion. He rushes over to his corner to make the tag to his partner Jake Archer who comes storming into the ring to pick up the pieces of Kenji. He picks him up by the hair but Kenji chops him to the throat then goes off the ropes and delivers a cross body which sends his opponent falling through the middle rope. He tags for the German known only as William as he simply drops to the outside and stalks Archer on the outside, Hortega starts a count. William charges at Archer and gores him straight into the metal railings, then picks him up in a bear hug like manoeuvre and charges his back straight into the ring posts. Ranger sees his partner is in trouble and also drops to his aid. But as he is running and about to get to William, Kenji, who is inside the ring runs and suicide dives straight over the top rope and straight onto Ranger. William takes Archer and rolls him into the ring, breaking Hortega’s count.
Benny Newell– Did you see that Jap fly? A kamikaze mission if there ever was one!
Joe Hoffman- Must you be so racist?
Benny Newell– Its part of being a full time drunk, read the job description. And what’s with the big Kraut, William? No second name? What the hell? Least it’s easier to pronounce!
William makes his way back into the ring via the bottom rope but he is met by a sliding tackle from Archer which stuns the German, Archer delivers a back body drop which sends him packing to the canvas. Meanwhile outside Kenji is slowly getting back to his corner from his suicide dive whilst Ranger is only stirring slightly, holding onto the railings. Archer goes for a figure four leg lock which he locks in as William shouts out a defying ‘Nein’. He is about to tap when Kenji sees the danger and storms the ring, smacking Archer across the face with a roundhouse kick, then returning to his corner as William rolls him up in a small package
James Ranger comes in the nick of time to break the count and as Kenji tries to intervene he is met with a mule kick. Its carnage as all four men are now in the ring, Hortega is beginning to lose control of the match.
Benny Newell– A German, a jap, and two englismen. I feel a joke coming on.
Joe Hoffman- Don’t Benny, please for the love of god don’t!
Finally one man is eliminated from the fray as James Ranger is sent back to the outside where he has been for most of the match by Kenji as he hip tosses him through the middle rope. Hortega finally grows some balls and orders Kenji back to his corner, which he does, even though it seems that Archer has the upper hand over William. Archer makes the ultimate amateur mistake, he throws William right into the corner of which Kenji is and Kenji slaps him in the back to make the legal tag as Archer charges for William, Kenji takes to the top rope and delivers a stunning moonsault as his partner ducks to avoid being hit, he hits Archer perfectly. He picks him up and finishes him off with a backdrop driver, going straight into a pin
DING DING DING!!
Bryan McVay– The winner of this bout in 4 minutes 22 seconds……THE AXIS OF POWER!!!
A post match Uprising
Joe Hoffman- Finished off by what Kenji calls Gakkarida, translates as what a disappointment.
Benny Newell– My sentiments entirely, that encapsulates that entire match
Joel Hortega grabs an arm off each superstar and raises it to the air in victory as the team of Hydra make their way to the backstage area with their tails behind them, but it seems their victory moment will be short lived, as it seems there is a lot of commotion coming from a section of the crowd.
Joe Hoffman- There seems to be something happening in the crowd to my right, it seems someone is trying to make their way through the crowd….
Benny Newell– Oh oh oh, is it the corn dog guy, cause man I could hit a dog right about now! Wait a minute, that doesn’t even make sense to me and I am used to gargling shit from my mouth!
Joe Hoffman- No, it doesn’t seem to be him, I still can’t get a good image of them, oh wait, oh my god, its, its?
Benny Newell– Miley Cyrus? Harvey Birdman? Jared the Subway guy? Out with it man!
A large bulking figure jumps over the railings and is about to storm the ring, the Axis of Power have yet to see who it is as they bask in their first victory in High Octane Wrestling.
Joe Hoffman- Its Chris Kostoff!!!!!
Benny Newell– An American about to intervene against a German and a Jap, I am sure this has happened before.
Kostoff rolls into the ring and stands with his hands on his legs, goading them to turn around, the first to do so is William and he is met by a huge gore as Kostoff begins to lay out punch after punch upon him. Kenji sees his partner and Kostoff and tries to pull at Kostoff’s long hair but Kostoff turns around and brings his attention to him, kicking him in the mid section then flattening him with a death valley driver. He lets out a loud shout of rage as the fans go mad for the HOW veteran!
Joe Hoffman- Ladies and Gentleman, Chris Kostoff is back and by god is he pissed!
Kostoff begins to land furious boots to the stomach of Kenji whilst he is on the ground as a shaken and stunned William tries to swipe at him but is met by a giant boot to the chin which sends him reeling backwards and over the top of the ring. Kostoff turns around and sees Kenji on his knees and quickly runs over to him and puts him between his legs and lifts him high into the air, even above his own head, and with an enormous feat of strength, he turns around and throws Kenji OVER the top rope and on top of his own partner William! Kostoff shakes the ropes in rage, but it seems he is not done there. He goes to the outside and begins looking for any form of weapon he can get his hands upon, and you will not believe what his weapon of choice is!
Joe Hoffman- My god, he is not!
Benny Newell– It seems he is Joe, it seems he is.
Joe Hoffman- Folks, Chris Kostoff is literally trying to RIP the security barrier to our right to use as a weapon!
Benny Newell– Great, we are going to have the fans storming the ring, brilliant, with their putrid smell of failure, knowing they are not a hall of famer, like me!
Joe Hoffman- It seems one fan has taken offence to this.
Benny Newell– That is no fan……
A man in a hooded jacket is literally in a tug of war with Kostoff as he tries to rip away the security barrier then Kostoff gets annoyed at this ‘fans’ refusal to let him do what he wants to do, and he goes to swipe for him, but the ‘fan’ is quick to react and he grabs his arm, then with the other free arm he pulls his hood down to reveal who he is.
Benny Newell– That is Aceldama!!!
Then as Kostoff goes to swipe with his free arm Aceldama throws something into his eyes which blinds him and he begins to swipe the air as Aceldama jumps over the barrier and stands in front of Kostoff as he tilts his head sideways, with a sadistic laugh as the blind Kostoff is literally throwing punches at nothing, then Aceldama charges with a massive boot to the temple, sending Kostoff packing to the ground, but Aceldama is not done there as he moves fast for his next delivery of pain.
Joe Hoffman- We all wondered where Aceldama was tonight, nobody seen him coming into the arena, obviously a marked man, it seems he has evaded the radar of both Kael AND Sparrow by coming to the show as a FAN, but why Kostoff? Why?
Benny Newell– German’s like to beat upon old men, it’s such a tradition it is even in their national anthem, it goes a little something like this……
Joe Hoffman- Please Benny for the love of god don’t.
Aceldama literally takes Kostoff’s arm and proceeds to drag him across the outside of the ring and places his large lifeless body beside the ring steps, placing him upright against it, then he literally backs off back to the barrier where they began, and raises his finger in the air, shouts in German
“Fur Deutchland, fur der austand”
Benny Newell– Christopher America wannabe bastar……….HOLY SHIT!!!!
Aceldama charges at Kostoff and dives at him with both feet and plants him straight across the face, the back of his head hitting the metal steps. Kostoff is now a lifeless mess on the floor as Aceldama goes over to him and stands over him, he notices a cameraman standing beside him and he orders him to get closer and get the shot of the lifeless Kostoff on the floor. Meanwhile the Axis of Power have got up and are now back in the ring, wondering what has just happened, they notice Aceldama standing over Kostoff and they immediately roll out of the ring and stand facing Aceldama, ready to pounce him, Aceldama is also ready for an imminent attack. The three stand staring at one another, each one waiting for the other to make their move.
Joe Hoffman- I don’t think the Axis of Power have taken kindly to Aceldama messing in their affairs, even though they just did get beaten by Kostoff.
Benny Newell– German on German with an Asian on the side? Normally you pay extra for that.
Then someone makes the move, it is Aceldama, he literally outstretches his hands as both members of the Axis of Power shake them! Then all three stand over Kostoff as Aceldama tells them to bring him to the ring, which they do. They pick him up and throw him into the ring as Aceldama walks over to the ring announcers table and literally THROWS Bryan McVay off his chair and folds it up, also taking a microphone with him as he makes his way into the ring.
Joe Hoffman- Are the Axis of Power WITH Aceldama, I thought they were with Lee Best?
Benny Newell– It seems money doesn’t buy you everything, but it sure as fuck helps!
Aceldama tells both men to hold Kostoff up by the arms, which they do, but his head is dangling forward. He is out cold. Aceldama unfolds the chair and places it in front of him, then takes a seat upon it and sits looking upwards into the lifeless face of Kostoff, smiling. He goes to speak.
Aceldama– Kostoff, oh Kostoff? You got to learn to control that rage of yours, show some courtesy to the new tag team here in High Octane. Is that any way to be treating these people? I would say you should know better, but you are American and Americans have no idea on how to give foreigners a welcome. You think that you can beat them down and they will simply sit and take it, but I have news for you Kostoff, I have news for you all, we are not going to take it. Lee Best, you come with your cheque book and you make the Axis of Powers a deal, the biggest paid contract in High Octane History, but what promise did you give them? The only thing they want, is exactly what I want, so when I came with my offer, no money in all the world could stop them from signing up!
Joe Hoffman- They ARE part of the uprising!
Benny Newell– Oh god! Quick protect Frankie the Cameraman, that last remaining eye of his is no longer safe!
Aceldama– They wish to fight against everything that makes America so…vile, disgusting and downright wrong. They aim to bring down each and every tag team in the division and show once and for all that your pathetic country cannot harbour great winners. You all, you too Kostoff, are looking at the next High Octane Tag Team Champions, and that is a promise that I CAN keep. As for you Kostoff, you speak that you are going to win the LSD title tonight, well I have news for you, you have NO chance in hell, soon all will be revealed, soon the TRUE LSD champion will emerge, soon you can look them in the eyes and see what makes them so much better than you, are you listening to me?
Aceldama smacks Kostoff hard across the face, then again, it wakens up the beast and he begins to try and wriggle free, but the two men of the Axis of Powers have him gripped firmly.
Aceldama– Ah, so you have awoken? Showing another wonderful trait of you Americans, rudeness. I guess I have going to have to teach you a lesson, always listen when you are being spoke to! Lift him up.
As both men lift him to his feet, his legs wobbling all about the place, Aceldama too stands up and from the sleeve of his jacket a chain drops and he walks forward, it dragging behind him. He puts it around the neck of Kostoff, William and Kenji still holding him as he goes outside the ring. He pulls at the chain as he tells the men to tie his arms to the ropes, which they do as he pulls the last remaining bit left of the chain and ties it tightly to the barrier, Kostoff is in desperation, gasping for air as Aceldama gets back into the ring and grabs the microphone as the three men stand over him.
Aceldama– Oh look at Kostoff as he screams for air, but will the American public even care? I live the fate of your own life in the hands of those people in front of that knot Chris, let’s see how much your country cares for you now. You are but the first example Chris, only the first, the uprising has just begun, and it grows in numbers, soon………there will be no stopping us as every single American scum falls to their knees waving the white flag. Better hurry people, time is running out for your hero.
The Axis of Power– DER AUSTAND!!
The three men stand smug looking at Kostoff as he tries so desperately to get air whilst the people in the front row where Aceldama tied the chain try in vain to get him free, some people even crying at what they are witnessing. Suddenly help is at hand as an official storms to the ring with bolt cutters and goes straight to the knot, after several attempts, mainly due to panic, he gets him free and Kostoff is freed, but trying in desperation for air. The three men believe enough is enough and proceed to leave , but not before SPITTING on his lifeless body.
Joe Hoffman- That is without a doubt the sickest act of hate I have ever seen.
Benny Newell– I think the Jewish might have something to say to that.
Joe Hoffman- Kostoff is literally FIGHTING for air
Benny Newell– And he better find it fast, he got an LSD title match coming up….
Turmoil cuts to a commercial as a look of rage comes over the face of Kostoff as he is literally helped to the back.
Ever been nearly killed by a chain? If you have take some of these Vicodin…they will soothe your soul
A Better Best?
Back from commercial and we are in the parking lot where we see Lee Best and the new married couple talking.
Mario Maurako: You sure you cannot stay Lee? I mean I so grateful for you giving me the shot at my wife’s title and..
Bobbinette Carey: …AND we BOTH appreciate everything you have done for us both over the last several weeks. From helping with the Carey-A-Thon, to my title shot, to Mario’s tag team title shot, to my title shot, and of course tonights wedding and putting us both in the main event to insure that…
Mario Maurako: You said your title shot twice…
Bobbinette Carey: I like my title shot…
Carey and Mario exchange forced smiles as Lee holds his hand up…
Lee Best: Look, I came here to walk Carey down the aisle and to see the first every successful marriage inside of a wedding ring…that in itself is historic..but something bigger is going down tonight and quite frankly I have to get back….timing is everything….
Lee turns to get into the limo but pauses and then turns back towards the Maurako’s.
Lee Best: I think it would be in your best interests to lay low the rest of the evening…..here is a key to a special suite that no one can bug you two in….I already have the room prepared and no cameras will be allowed in….so go chill out till your match later this evening….cool?
Mario and Carey nod at the cordial request from Lee. The owner of HOW then tosses Mario the key to the suite and with a smile he enters the limo, closes the door, and seconds later the limo is speeding out of the parking lot.
Mario Maurako: Well Carey bear…lets go check out this suite…after what just happened to Kostoff I think its pretty smart if we lay low..ESPECIALLY with Aceldama all butt hurt right now..
Bobbinette Carey: You are right honey…besides…we got some celebrating to do…
Mario puts his arm around the waist of Carey and the two turn and head back towards the Coliseum and before we cut back to ringside we see Mario slyly rubbing the strap of the World Title that is around Carey’s waist as they head inside…
Griffin Faze vs. Erites Kallisten
Joe Hoffman: Wow a private suite for the married couple…cannot say I blame them there considering the referee for their match just helped nearly kill Chris Kostoff.
Benny Newell: Ya you think? I wanted to see more of Lee tonight but obviously he has other pressing matters…like preparing for this special testimony we are set to see later ton.
Joe Hoffman: Who do you think the special witness is? My money is on ..
Benny Newell: It doesnt matter who it is. The bottom line is that trial is going to come down to the testimony of Mike Best and whatever DeNucci and this special witness said…it wont matter….
Joe Hoffman: This is very true…we still havent heard from Mike Best yet and the rumor is that he is literally off the grid so that nothing can jeopardize whats going on with the special testimony…
Benny Newell: Who cares…lets get the damn show moving huh?
Joe Hoffman: Oooook….Well let’s head back to the ring where we’re ready to kick off the Knockout Round of the Invitational, starting the top seed of the Lee Best Group, Erites Kallisten, against the 2-seed of the AoA Group, Griffin Faze. Benny, who ya got in this match?
Benny Newell: Well, let’s see… since I fucking hate both of their asses, I’m just going to abstain from answering that question and jack-off to re-runs of Kirsta Lewis promos.
Joe Hoffman: Ooo-kay… anyways, for those that missed it on HOTv this past week, General Manager Simon Sparrow offered a bit of resolution to the Faze Brothers ongoing dispute over who should advance in the Invitational by ordering them to an unsanctioned Fraternity House Brawl against each other inside the confines of the Alpha Beta Slam house…
Benny Newell: *intentional snoring sounds*
Joe Hoffman: It was a literal blood bath folks, as both men showed just how badly they want the High Octane World championship in beating each other to a pulp. But in the end – after Ryan had verbally claimed the spot for himself several weeks ago on Turmoil – it proved to be Griffin who wanted it more by way of crashing his brother through a sliding glass door.
Suddenly, “Phase” by Breaking Benjamin hits the speakers, prompting the crowd to rise to their feet in cheers as they see Griffin Faze pop out onto the stage.
Benny Newell: Tell me when it’s over, Joe… but just make sure I’m not about to blow my load when you do, mmm’kay? Could get quite messy around here… always does when Kirsta’s involved.
Joe Hoffman: And thank you Benny for that nightmarish visual…
Benny Newell: You actually tried picturing me jacking off to Kirsta Lewis? Remind me to nut in your direction when I’m ready… shouldn’t take long.
Joe Hoffman: AHEM! Anyhow, you’ve got to wonder what kind of condition Griffin’s in tonight after the hellacious battle with the “Phenomenal One”. You can see the scrapes and bruises on his body, but the question is, will Erites take advantage?
Benny Newell: She can take advantage of me anytime she wants, Joe. I’m talking Cleveland Steamers, Dutch Rudders… you name it.
All Joe can do is shake his head in shame as Griffin climbs into the ring. As his music drowns out, Erites Kallisten is introduced. Despite a warmer reaction than usual from the fans – which can most likely be attributed to her recent success in the tournament – a look of concern is spread across the face of Erites as Joe briefs us on the personal issues she’s been having as of late.
Upon climbing in the ring, Referee Matt Boettcher checks her for weapons and calls for the bell after finding she came to play fair.
DING ~ DING ~ DING!
Joe Hoffman: Folks, the Knockout stage is officially under way! As of this moment, there are 12 wrestlers left in the Invitational, but by the end of tonight, we’ll only have 6.
Griffin approaches Erites in the center of the ring with an outstretched hand, a sign of respect for the woman who has lived up to her hype as a sleeper in the tournament thus far. Unsure of how to respond, Erites stares at his hand for a moment until Griffin backs off, calling for a tie-up instead. Comfortable in that idea despite her disadvantage in strength, Erites obliges by meeting Faze with a collar and elbow tie up. The two hold neutral for a brief moment until Erites gets the better of Faze with a Hip Toss after pushing the hand on his elbow to the inside. A quick drop-kick to the back of Griffin’s head imposes a considerable amount of pain on him after being German Suplexed through the fraternity house wall the week prior, and Erites pounces with a cover as a result.
Joe Hoffman: One! Two!! NO! This one was almost over before it started!
Erites takes advantage of her hot start by keeping the staggered Faze grounded with a head lock, but after several moments, Griffin powers to his feet thanks to his strength advantage and elbows out of the hold. Whipping Erites into the ropes, Griff meets her with an elbow smash that drops her, followed by a Standing Moonsault into a lateral press of his own. This time, it’s Erites that kicks out on two and the crowd approves the quick-paced action thus far.
Back to their feet, Faze looks for an early Fazeplant by setting Erites up in the Killswitch position, but Erites slips out and nails Griffin with a Roundhouse kick that sends him crashing over the ropes. Griffin lands on his feet on the outside, but as he tries to shake off the cob webs, he fails to notice Erites fly over the top rope herself with a Plancha that connects!
Joe Hoffman: Erites going high-risk and it pays off!
Benny Newell: …
Joe Hoffman: My God! Benny… will you knock it off?!?
Smacking sounds can be heard from under the announcer’s booth as Erites uses the table, right in front of Benny, to bring herself to her feet. Benny cares less about being discreet and for a brief moment, Kallisten shoots him a disgusted glare before retrieving her opponent and sliding back into the ring.
Benny Newell: Mmmm… OHHHH… yep! I just came…
Horrified and looking like he’s about to barf sitting next to him, Joe tries to focus on the action going on inside the ring as Erites shoots Griffin Faze into the ropes. As he returns to sender, Erites ducks for the Back Body Drop, but Griffin leaps over with a Sunset Flip into another pin, which again nets him another close two count.
Joe Hoffman: These two are really putting on a clinic tonight, Buff! Really, I’d be happy with either one of them advancing to the next round.
Benny Newell: Shit, Joe! Hey… you got any Kleenex over there?
Joe Hoffman: Ahem… once again folks, I apologize for my broadcast partner. But remember, the Invitational will be decided live, right here on Turmoil with a much-anticipated Triple Threat match in 2 weeks time!
Back to his feet, Griffin tries to keep the pressure on his opponent, but Erites jabs a quick thumb to his eye which breaks any momentum that was shifting in his favor. She takes a step back and measures him up for a Standing Side Kick, but Griffin blindly ducks the attack and spins around right into Erites!
Joe Hoffman: Oh! That didn’t look good!
The collision sees Griffin and Erites crumple to the mat and with both wrestlers down, Boettcher starts the 10-count that gets the fans involved as they back their favorite superstar with cheers and encouragement.
Joe Hoffman: It’s a battle of who can get to their feet first!
Benny Newell: Joe! The Kleenex?!?
Joe Hoffman: Erites is up!
The crowd explodes.
Joe Hoffman: Griffin is up!
The crowd cheers even louder.
Joe Hoffman: Lookout!
A kick to the mid-section from Griffin doubles Erites over, right into the Killswitch position that he had tried applying earlier.
Joe Hoffman: FAZEPLANT!
The crowd counts along with Boettcher as Griffin hooks the leg and applies the cover!
DING! ~ DING! ~ DING!
Bryan McVay: Here is your winner, by way of pin fall in 7:22… GRIFFIN FAZE!!!
Griffin pops to his feet in celebration as Boettcher raises his arm in victory; the crowd showing their support and appreciation for what was an exciting back-and-forth match with an explosive round of applause
Joe Hoffman: So Griffin moves on in the Invitational and secures his spot in the next round, where he’ll await the winner of our next match, Ethan Cavanaugh and Kirsta Lewis!
Benny Newell: Mmmm… Kirsta…
Joe Hoffman: No doubt he’ll be keeping a close eye on that one, but for right now, let’s head backstage where we have Johnny Legend standing by!
The words ‘Paid for by the Johnny Legend is Better Then You foundation’ comes across the screen. As the black fades up we have Johnny Legend walking the streets of Chicago. He stops, raises his arms to the side and spins. As he halts, Legend looks into the camera.
Johnny Legend: I’m Johnny Legend and this is Chicago.
He looks around.
Johnny Legend: I just wanted to take this moment to take in the Windy City while I am here.
He takes a deep breath and begins to cough. Finally, after really over doing it he stops.
Johnny Legend: See what your city does? It’s disease ridden, the air making it difficult to breath normally.
Johnny Legend: What’s sick is you like it here. Crime ridden and filled with pollution you go about your daily lives believing you live in the best city in the world. It makes me sick.
He spits on the ground.
Johnny Legend: That’s why as I walk backstage of HOW, I don’t interact with anyone from here as I am afraid the disease will spread as it has from the streets of Chicago to the very foundation of HOW.
A look of disgust covers his face.
Johnny Legend: Quite frankly, this city as well as High Octane Wrestling’s product should be quarantined and disinfected.
He looks directly in the camera.
Johnny Legend: I’m Johnny Legend, and I represent a real promotion from a real city. I represent DREAM and I am here to tell you that DREAM, and I, am better than you.
He smirks then begins to walk, walking past the camera and out of view as the screen fades to black.
Catch Dream’s weekly wrestling program every Wednesday live only on HOTv!
Another Great Uprising?
We return from commercial to the backstage area where we see Johnny Legend whos promo just aired before the commercial break, now walking down a hallway somewhere in the coliseum. All is quiet and peaceful as Legend turns a corner when a steel chair is suddenly slammed into his face, sending him to the floor. The chair is then tossed down next to Johnny Legend who is slowly beginning to stir.
??: GET UP! COME ON!!!
The camera remains focused on Legend which means that we cannot see his attacker. Legend slowly makes it back to his feet but just as he gets back up, the attacker charges at him and hits him in the face with what looks like some kind of sledge hammer sending Legend back to the floor as blood begins to pour from a wound in his forehead. The camera slowly moves up to reveal Johnny Legend’s attacker, a man with long dark hair and dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a black t-shirt with a large Danish flag printed on the front of the shirt, and a skull wearing a Viking helmet is printed on the back of the shirt along with the words ‘Victory or Valhalla’. He is still holding the weapon in his hands and as we get a closer look of it, we can see that it is not quite a sledgehammer; it is slightly smaller and also looks quite different. He smiles as he looks at the weapon in his hand and then at Johnny Legend who seems to be unconscious on the floor as the cameras cut back to Joe and Benny at ringside.
Joe HoffMan: We need to get somebody back there to check on Johnny Legend! Who the heck was his attacker?
Benny Newell: Don’t know, don’t care….why help the Dream scum out?
Joe HoffMan: Well whoever he was, that attack was completely uncalled for and–
Joe is suddenly cut off as Demons and Wizards’ cover of “Immigrant Song” starts playing throughout the Kallisten Coliseum. Red and white lights are flashing throughout the arena and after a few moments, the man who just attacked Johnny Legend is seen walking out onto the stage from the backstage area. Joe seems as confused as the fans and Benny still does not give a damn, as the man makes his way towards the ring, still carrying the somewhat strange looking hammer in his hands.
Joe HoffMan: Well I guess we are about to get some answers here folks.
Once inside the ring, the man calls for a mic and quickly receives one. He then walks to the center of the ring as the music is cut off. He looks out at the crowd and shakes his head.
Man: So THIS is the self-proclaimed greatest country in the world? How does go again? Land of the free and home of the brave? Well let me ask you this; How brave did Johnny Legend look just now? He was attacked and he did not even defend himself! And why would he? The situation was completely new to him, or to any American for that matter…a fair, one on one fight. Because lets face it, American’s do not like fair fights.
He is interrupted momentarily by a chorus of boos from the crowd.
Man: You like the deck stacked in your favor! You like to play the numbers game and you think that you can do whatever the hell you want to, as long as you have numbers on your side. The arrogance of this country and it’s people is simply without equal. No other country in the world makes the claims that this country and it’s people do on a regular basis. I have already mentioned ‘Greatest Country in the World’…but even worse than that, is the fact that you even have the gall to claim that God favors America over the rest of the world… Really?
He shakes his head with a disgusted look on his face.
Man: This country was born of violence and it has continued to breed violence ever since! And somewhere along the line, in your infinite arrogance, you decided that it was your right to govern the world. You decided that it was your right to invade other countries whenever you saw fit! Simply put; Americans think that America rules the world and every single non-American human being in this world is paying the price for your beliefs.
He is again interrupted by boos from the crowd.
Man: Clearly American’s believe that might makes them right. That, because America takes up a lot of space on the World Map, you are automatically entitled to do whatever you want. Well America is just that…nothing but wasted space on the World Map.
He points to the Danish flag on his shirt.
Man: We Danes have always been living proof that size does not matter. Our country may not take up much space on the map but we have never let that stop us or slow us down. Many years ago, we Danes were a part of the most feared people in the world. We were Vikings and people everywhere trembled with fear when they saw our ships approaching. We plundered…raped… and pillaged as we saw fit and nobody could stop us. Even the mightiest of Kings lived with fear in their hearts of the day that Vikings would descend upon their land because they knew they could not stop them. The reason I am telling you this is that, while Danes are generally a peaceful people now, we have always been fighters in our hearts and souls. And when the call for war is just, who better to answer that call than a Dane?
I am a fighter and I am extremely good at what I do! I came to this country, against my better judgment, to prove just that. To prove to the world that the greatest wrestler in the world is not American but in fact Danish! I came here shortly after the New Years to continue my wrestling career here and what did I find? Nothing but contempt and prejudice! The moment people learned my nationality, they were no longer interested in signing me. Because I was not American I was not good enough to be signed to a contract, never mind the fact that I am easily better than every single American wrestler in the history of this business!
The crowd boos again and a “Shut the fuck up” chant can even be heard.
Man: But then last week something happened, something that will ultimately go down in history as a defining moment for this business. A call went out last week, an uprising began that will forever change this business, and the world, for the better. I believe it was my destiny to be a part of this uprising. I could have been anywhere in this horrible country last week, hell I could even have left and gone home, but I did not. Instead I was right here! And since I do not believe in coincidences of this magnitude, it can only mean that I was destined to be a part of this war! And rightly so! Because this uprising is about everything that I am about! There can be no cause more just than this one and we WILL succeed!
He pauses for a second.
Man: So I am going to make a promise right now to every single American as well as those who have embraced the American way of life…the fear of Vikings that lived in the hearts of every single man, woman and child so many years ago is coming back to life. The uncontrollable terror those people felt when the Vikings descended upon their lands…I will make YOU feel that same terror when I descend upon YOU! You WILL come to fear me as those people feared the Vikings!
He pauses as he raises the weapon in his hands high into the air for the crowd to see.
Man: This…is Mjölnir. The Hammer of Thor. You can go home and google it after the show, since I am sure your feeble minds have no idea what that is. I had this custom made and it is my weapon of choice, and a fitting weapon of choice at that. Thor’s Hammer was a powerful weapon and I intend to use my version of this great weapon to aid our cause to finally stand up to the American oppression. It is also a part of my heritage. We Danes were Vikings and while some choose to forget that, I will not! In fact I take great pride in it. And what do you know? My weapon has already claimed it’s first victim here. You all saw what happened to Johnny Legend and that was only the beginning of the suffering that I will help bring down upon every single American and Pro-America bastard in this company!
Man: You will not know me by my name. You do not deserve to know my name! You will know me by what I am, great…and a Dane. So you will know me as simply…The Great Dane!
He throws the mic to the floor and raises his Hammer of Thor high in the air again. The crowd boos and those boos only grow louder as Aceldama is seen walking towards the ring, clapping his hands. Aceldama enters the ring and locks eyes with The Great Dane before grabbing his left hand and raising it in the air, much to the crowd’s dislike as they begin booing the two men again. After a final shot of the two men standing in the ring the cameras cuts away to Joe and Benny at ringside.
Ethan Cavanaugh vs. Kirsta Lewis
Joe Hoffman: Well I can’t say that I wasn’t happy to see Johnny Legend get his head bashed in by The Great Dane, but then to come out here and spew all that garbage about America… AND to be seemingly joining forces with Aceldama, certainly makes for an impactful debut for the opinionated Dane.
Benny Newell: Well it was smart of him to align with the most powerful and talented wrestler in HOW, but even I have had enough of this anti-American ranting.
Joe Hoffman: Well it’s over for now as we move onto our second Invitational knockout match. We already say Griffin faze eliminate Erites, now we are going to find out who his opponent is. Only Cavanaugh or Lewis can move on… who will it be?
“Revolution Man” by The Union Underground starts to play as we see Ethan Cavanaugh make his way out from backstage to a semi-favorable reaction and makes his way down the entrance ramp and towards the ring.
Bryan McVay: The following is an Lee Best Invitational knock out match! Now making his way to the ring from Lisburn, Northern Ireland and weighing in at 216 pounds… Ethan Cavanaugh!!
Joe Hoffman: Ethan finished second in the Emo Group with one win and one loss behind Kostoff who ran the group three and zero.
Benny Newell: But he has to face my favorite female in HOW, Kirsta Lewis. Did you watch her promos for the match this week Joe? They were thee greatest thing ever! Drink!
After that great introduction by Benny the arena lights go down as “I Get Off” by Halestorm pipes though the arena’s PA system. There is a loud thundering roar as a huge Harley appears at the entrance. It stops as its engine roars even louder. Krista Lewis appears dressed all in black leather and a motorcycle helmet, covering her head. As the music stops, the engine roars and she rides the bike down to the ringside area. Circling the ring three times before it stops and is turned off.
Bryan McVay: And his opponent from Ft Lauderdale, Florida and weighing in at 130 pounds… The Hellcat… Kirsta Lewis!!!
Krista slides off the bike and pushes the kick stand down. Looking around the arena and walking over to the ring steps, mounting them slowly sliding though the ring ropes and standing there.
Joe Hoffman: Well Kirsta has been known for her theatrics, sure she is trying to get into the head of Ethan before this match even gets under way.
Benny Newell: I wish I could get my head in her Joe.
Joe buries his face in his hands as Hortega calls for the bell to start the match. Kirsta seems very confident as she walks right up to Ethan and smacks him across the face and starts trash talking him until Ethan wraps his hand around her throat and lifts Kirsta up off the mat and chokeslams her right down to the mat as he goes for a quick cover.
Joe Hoffman: Shoulder up by Kirsta after the early pinfall by Cavanaugh
Benny Newell: Looks like we’re watching a domestic disturbance in the ring here. Someone should call the Chicago Police.
Ethan starts back on the offensive with his patented Cavanaugh stomps to the legs, chest and head of Kirsta as he then drops a big guillotine leg drop across the throat of Kirsta before he picks her back up to a vertical base and delivers a gut wrench suplex as Ethan quickly goes for another cover.
Joe Hoffman: Again Kirsta kicks out, but smart strategy by Ethan to wear Kirsta down by making her power out of pin attempts.
Benny Newell: Don’t lie Joe, he just wants to be on top of Kirsta.
As Ethan lifts Kirsta back up to her feet we see The Hellcat reach out and grab referee Joel Hortega as she tries to balance herself on her feet and with the referee’s attention turned she delievers a hard kick between the legs of Ethan that drops the big man to the mat.
Joe Hoffman: Come on!
Benny Newell: What Joe? Hortega didn’t see anything.
Kirsta doesn’t waste time as she quickly goes for the legs on Ethan, stomping at them quickly before locking him in a figure four leg lock. Ethan is about 2 feet from the ropes as he tries to use his size advantage to pull himself towards the ropes. He is making progress but Kirsta really has the move locked in, but Ethan is finally able to grab onto the bottom rope which makes Hortega tell Kirsta to release the hold which after a second or two she reluctantly does. Kirsta steps back and stalks Ethan as he pulls himself back to his feet, favoring his right leg as he doesn’t even see the spinning kick from Kirsta that almost takes his head off as he goes for her first cover of the match.
Joe Hoffman: And Ethan powers out of that cover, but Kirsta has him reeling now after that submission and a hell of a kick.
Benny Newell: Ya, not even Ethan’s shadow can help him in this match.
Kirsta gets back up and as Ethan tries to get back to his feet she lays another sharp kick to his head as she goes to the corner and climbs the turnbuckles as the fans start to loudly boo as Kirsta takes a moment to yell back at them as it seems she is going to attempt a flying splash, but we see Ethan pop back to his feet and jumps up onto the turnbuckle and starts hammering shots at Kista as he tries to go for a top rope superplex, but Kirsta battles him back with shots to the stomach and then to his head as she tucks his head between her legs and goes for her top rope piledriver, but Ethan reverses that and sends Kirsta flying off the top rope with a back body drop as The Hellcat hits the mat hard.
Joe Hoffman: What a battle on the top rope, reversal after reversal, but Ethan manages to come out on top as Kirsta is in trouble.
Benny Newell: I hear she does her best work on her back Joe, so don’t count her out.
Ethan climbs down and grabs Kirsta by her hair as he pulls pull her to her feet as he locks in the pumplehandle and lifts Kirsta up off her feet and goes for hiss finisher Magic Black but Kirsta wraps her legs around the head of Ethan and takes him down with a big hurracaranna that stops Ethan in his tracks.
Joe Hoffman: Great reversal by Kirsta to keep Ethan from hitting that devastating move Magic Black.
Kirsta pops up and starts stomping her foot as she seems to be getting ready for her Hell’s Bitch Kick as Ethan starts to pull himself up off the mat, but we then see a woman make her way down the entrance way and jump up onto the apron, seemingly shouting at Kirsta who turns her attention from Cavanaugh to the woman up on the apron.
Benny Newell: Who is that hot looking chick?
Joe Hoffman: That “hot looking chick” is Carmen Jennings I believe, new signee to HOW. But what is she doing down here during this match.
Kirsta and Carmen exchange heated words as Hortega is quick to get in-between the two women so there is no physical interaction much to the fans disliking, but the distract allows Ethan to get back to his feet and spin Kirsta around and drive his knee hard into her gut as he locks the pumphandle back in and this time connects with the scoop piledriver.
Joe Hoffman: Magic Black! Connects on Kirsta as Carmen Jennings is smiling ear to ear.
Benny Newell: What? Sorry I just can’t take my eyes off Carmen’s ass…
Joe Hoffman: Well if you care Ethan hooks the leg of Kirsta and could end this match…
DING DING DING
Joe Hoffman: And he does!
Bryan McVay: The winner of this match in 8 minutes and 42 seconds… Ethan Cavanaugh!!!
Joe Hoffman: And with that Kirsta’s is eliminated from the Invitational and we will see Griffin Faze taking on Ethan Cavanaugh next week in the semi-finals. But right now were going to cut out to the parking lot of the coliseum.
Benny Newell: And I’m gonna keep staring at Carmen… DRINK!
A Cool Prematch Moment
Cutting out to the parking lot of the Kallisten Coliseum we see “Mr. Cool” Cancer Jiles sitting inside the Cool Reality limo as it seems that Sparrow won’t allow him in the coliseum until after Scottywood’s match against America is over. So he is sitting back and watching Turmoil on the plasma inside the limo until he sees himself pop up on the screen and then looks over at the camera with a smile.
Mr. Cool: Well what’s up HOW? As most of you saw last week The Maurako Family beat Cool Reality and took our HOW Tag Team titles, thanks to some help from Valora and AWS Man from WMW, something that was really unCOOL. You also witnessed my partner Scottywood completely break down after the match and set that cheap excuse for a wrestling ring on fire. Now I am all for lighting things up, and it has been amusing to see Max Kael whine about his destroyed ring, but nothing we do will change what happened on Turmoil. Now we need to set our sights on the future, a future that includes Scotty beating Christopher America, Cool Reality destroying the WMW and then regaining OUR HOW Tag Team titles from The Maurako Family.
Mr. Cool: Then you have people like The Axis Powers…. Axis of Powers… or whatever the hell they change their name to next week, thinking that they actually will be the next Tag Team champions. Newsflash for Ace and the World War II tag team though, no one is going to stop Cool Reality’s quest at regaining the Tag Team titles, especially a couple of foreigners who think that they are better than America just cause they have some fancy accents.
Suddenly there is a knock on the limo door as Cancer seem a little confused as he opens the limo door to see none other than Frankie the Cameraman standing with a rectangle Rubbermaid box in hand.
Mr. Cool: Frankie! My new favorite cameraman!
Frankie: I wasn’t your favorite cameraman before?
Mr. Cool: Um…. Come on it the limo!
Frankie enters the limo as Cancer closes the door behind him as Frankie hands over the box to Cancer who again seems a bit confused.
Frankie: Scotty has been so busy focusing on his match with America that he forgot to give you his gift for you from Vancouver. These are the best brownies ever! I had one and it tasted a bit odd, but it made everything seem so COOL.
Cancer’s eyes light up as he opens the box and sure enough it is full of brownies and a huge smile overcomes his face.
Mr. Cool: You are awesome Frankie, do you want another one?
Frankie: Well Scotty said I am never to eat one of those brownies again.
Mr. Cool: You listen to everything that your parents tell you to do? Besides, it is the COOL thing to do.
Cancer takes one of the brownies out of the box and extends it out to Frankie who looks at it for a few second before he takes the brownie from Cancer and takes a bite from it. Cancer smiles as he takes one of the brownies out for himself as he closes the box up and takes a bite himself as he reaches into his back and pulls out a pre-packed bowl and a lighter.
Mr. Cool: Also I am going to add some… therapeutic smoke, makes you feel so relaxed, you should it Frankie.
Frankie: Therapeutic? Ok, I’ll give it a try.
Mr. Cool: This is going to be a very COOL show…
Cancer lights up the bowl as the camera cuts away back to inside the Kallisten Coliseum.
Joe Hoffmann: Okay, who’s that coming to the ring?
Benny Newell: It looks like four broads to me…drink!
National Organization of Women Leader Terry O’Neill, Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA), Senator Kirsten Gillebrand (D-NY), and Tipper Gore head to the ring. The crowd boos as the four ladies enter one by one through the ropes.
Tipper Gore: Hello, my name is Tipper Gore-
Tipper Gore: …and I’m here to denounce the way High Octane Wrestling treats it’s women…
Joe Hoffmann: Wow. Tipper Gore is not getting a good reception here.
Benny Newell: She needs to go back to the kitchen where she belongs.
Joe Hoffmann: Benny!
Benny Newell: Well? It’s true!
Tipper Gore: HOW portrays women as sex objects. How many times have HOW viewers had to watch Kirsta Lewis performing oral sex on Lee Best?
Benny Newell: Not enough if you ask me.
Tipper Gore: HOW portrays women as being easily controlled and manipulated by men into marrying them- just like the sham wedding that took place earlier tonight.
Benny Newell: Bullshit. Mario and Bobbinette are in love. It’s in their eyes.
Tipper Gore: HOW condones gratuitous violence against women…the most egregious example being the ‘Whack-a-meter.’ Over thirteen hundred women have been viciously assaulted by Mario Maurako and his family and the time has come to say…no more!
Terry O’Neill: In response to this irresponsible behavior, and with the complete and total support of the National Organization for Women, Senators Boxer and Gillebrand will introduce legislation in Congress mandating that High Octane Wrestling and other shows of it’s ilk post this banner…
We see a “Parental Advisory: Explicit Content” banner appear up on the HOV screen which O’Neil points too.
Terry O’Neill: …before the broadcast begins and then leave it in the upper left hand corner of the picture.
Debris begins to rain into the ring.
Tipper Gore: Now, stop it…this is really for your own good.
More debris flies in.
The beginning notes of Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Don’t Stop’ begin to play as everyone’s heads turn towards the entranceway.
Joe Hoffmann: Now what?
Benny Newell: Hell if I know…drink!
A spotlight searches the back of the Kallisten Arena. The crowd suddenly becomes quiet when a plaid shirted man holding a Singapore cane and a mocha appears.
Joe Hoffmann: Is that…who I think it is?
Benny Newell: No. Why would Al Gore be at a High Octane Wrestling show?
If you wake up and don’t want to smile,
If it takes just a little while,
Open your eyes and look at the day,
You’ll see things in a different way.
Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion.
Benny Newell: Oh my God, that is Al Gore.
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,
It’ll be, better than before,
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.
Why not think about times to come,
And not about the things that you’ve done,
If your life was bad to you,
Just think what tomorrow will do.
The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon slowly makes his way through the crowd. Then Gore stops and pulls out another container of mocha. He guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead.
Joe Hoffmann: I don’t believe what I’m seeing…drink.
Joe reaches for Benny’s flask.
Benny Newell: HEY! Get your own.
All I want is to see you smile,
If it takes just a little while,
I know you don’t believe that it’s true,
I never meant any harm to you.
Gore reaches the floor. He climbs on the ring apron and pulls out yet another container of mocha. Gore guzzles it down and spews it into the crowd before crushing the container on his forehead.
Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,
It’ll be, better than before,
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.
Gore climbs into the ring.
Al Gore:I just wanted to come out here in support of my wife Tipper, Senators Boxer and Gillebrand. Even though my main focus is the upcoming global catastrophe from the proliferation of greenhouse gases that are causing the world’s temperature to rise to unprecedented levels, I still care about the effect on own youth from extreme violence, particularly directed towards women. That’s why I want to commend Dawn McGill and the work she’s been doing for women all over the world. I’m glad she’s on our side-
Female voice: WHOA…WHOA…WHOA!
A spotlight searches the back again. This time, it finds Dawn McGill hurrying to the ring.
Dawn McGill: Wait…whoa…just wait…
McGill slides into the ring.
Dawn McGill: …look, let’s get one thing straight. I don’t believe we need Parental Advisory stickers or new laws. I don’t always agree with the way Krista Lewis presents herself, but she’s a big girl and more than capable of making her own choices. I am an independent, free thinking woman, and more than capable of fighting the archaic and outworn views of Mario Maurako and others of his ilk without big brother government getting in my way.
Dawn McGill: I don’t wrestle for a movement. I wrestle to entertainment the folks who’ve spent their hard earned cash to come watch our show. I wrestle because I choose to put my skills up against the very best competition there is and no matter what you think, the best competition is right here in High Octane Wrestling.
Dawn McGill: I wrestle to honor the memory of my parents, who taught me to take an independent, open minded view when it came to issues, and instilled in me a work ethic in order to be the very best person I can be. I was proud to represent America in the Army Rangers in Iraq and I don’t give a damn what certain people, *koff, koff* former HOW Champion, think- I am proud to be an American! I went to war to fight for American values and I will go to war right here in HOW to do so again.
Dawn McGill: So, Chris Kostoff? Get your ass down here and let’s give the fans here at the Kallisten Coliseum one hell of a show.
McGill whips off the LSD title belt and throws it at Tipper Gore’s feet as we head to a commercial break.
MVWA Alum and HOW LSD Champion, Dawn McGill defends the LSD Champion against HOW Hall of Famer Chris Kostoff next!!
HOW LSD Title Match
Chris Kostoff vs. Dawn McGill
HOW security quickly shuttle the Gore’s to the back as the crowd is on their feet anticipating the arrival of the HOW Hall of Famer.
Joe Hoffman: Kostoff might not even make it out here tonight folks…I mean seriously…..
The HOV comes to life and we see a replay of the events that happened earlier in the show where Kostoff, wanting payback for the Axis Powers attack on him, attacked the new tag team only to see the former World Champion Aceldama make the save and blindside the Hall of Famer.
The three men then nearly killed Kostoff via steel chain before HOW security were able to rush in and make the save
The crowd is booing loudly as the recap video finishes up.
Suddenly a man appears at the top of the ramp.
There is no theme music.
There is no pyro’s.
There is only rage.
With his neck still red and swollen from the attack earlier, Chris Kostoff makes his way out from the back and the crowd erupts into cheers as he makes a beeline towards the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Well you can say whatever you want about the old man…but not being tough isn’t one of them.
Inside the ring McGill is staring intently at Kostoff as behind her Matt Boettcher holds the LSD Championship high in the air.
Joe Hoffman: Well this is the first of three title matches here tonight folks and like the two previous matches this is also an Invitational match…..
Joe is cut off as Kostoff slides into the ring and immediately begins throwing haymakers at the LSD Champion as Boettcher quickly hands the LSD title to a crewman before signaling for the bell. DING DING DING
The crowd is red hot as Kostoff quickly gains the upper hand and pummels McGill all the way back to the turnbuckle where he continues to throw punches until Boettcher signals for Kostoff to break….
But he doesn’t.
Kostoff pushes the senior HOW referee off and continues to kick McGill who is now seated in the corner trying desperately to defend herself.
The camera quickly focuses in on Boettcher who is on the mat staring up at Kostoff who is still stomping on the LSD Champion.
Joe Hoffman: This should clearly be a DQ…McGill is gonna advance…
But instead, Boettcher picks himself up and once again motions for Kostoff to back up..this time yelling at him that he will DQ him and kill any shot of Kostoff winning the match.
Breathing heavily, Kostoff turns and slowly backs outta the corner and waits for McGill to pick herself up.
Joe Hoffman: Clearly Boettcher cut Kostoff a break there seeing as Kostoff is a HOW Hall of Famer and has been here in the company for almost 10 full years.
Benny Newell: Kostoff letting up was a mistake..mark my words.
Back in the ring McGill slowly pulls herself up and just as Boettcher signals for the action to continue, Kostoff charges at the LSD Champion and McGill quickly ducks between the ropes and jumps to the outside, narrowly missing being hit my the charging bull.
Kostoff’s momentum sends him flying thru the middle ropes and his shoulder meets the cold steel of the turnbuckle post.
Kostoff falls to his knees holding his shoulder as McGill quickly reenters the ring and immediately focuses in on the shoulder of Kostoff.
Over the next several minutes McGill uses the ropes and her own body to inflict more damage on the HOW Hall of Famer.
Kostoff is almost forced to tap at one point as McGill locks in a perfect armbar in the middle of the ring but Kostoff is able to use his larger frame to power out of the move, only to be met with a spinning heel kick that sends the big man back down to the canvas.
Joe Hoffman: There is just something wrong about watching Kostoff and a woman doing battle….I feel like I should be calling the police..
Benny Newell: You will get over that feeling..trust me…nothing better or more exhilarating than hitting a bitch upside the head….
Back inside the ring, McGill just dropped a knee on the shoulder of Kostoff and then quickly locks in a side headlock, now turning her focus towards the already injured neck of Kostoff.
Kostoff powers himself back to his feet however and sensing she is about to lose control, McGill lets go of Kostoff and whips Kostoff into the far ropes and tries to lock in a sleeper hold on the big man, but Kostoff quickly backpedals to the turnbuckle and squashes the LSD Champion into the corner.
Still breathing hard, and obviously struggling to take deep breaths still, Kostoff unloads with right hands on McGill but they lack the power like they did before.
As McGill starts to fight back, Kostoff rams a knee into her gut and then proceeds to perch Dawn on the top turnbuckle. Kostoff climbs up as well and with just pure strength he lifts the LSD Champion and instead of falling backwards and executing a superplex, Kostoff instead throws the woman forward, sending her to the outside with a sickening thud. HOLY SHIT
Chants ring throughout the arena as the HOV shows several replays of McGill landing face first on the outside.
McGill is now the one struggling for breath as the wind has been knocked out of her. Kostoff slowly rolls out of the ring picks up the woman by the hair and literally drags her back into the ring.
The crowd is now unsure of how to react to Kostoff as the big man places McGill’s head between his legs, lifts her up and drops down..nailing her with his sit down powerbomb finisher.
Joe Hoffman: NO REMORSE…NO REMORSE….KOSTOFF IS BOUT TO BECOME NEW LSD CHAMPION!!!
Kostoff pushes McGill’s legs out of the way and he lies on top of her and covers as the sound of air trying to fill back into her lungs can be heard as Boettcher drops down to make the count…
Bryan McVay: WINNER AND NEW LSD CHAMPION….CHRIS…KOOOOOOOSTOOOOFFFFFFFFFF!!!
Kostoff rolls of McGill, clearly winded, and Boettcher drops the LSD Championship on the big man as action cuts elsewhere as we see a final image of both competitors breathing hard on their backs in the middle of the HOW ring.
We cut backstage after the LSD title match, Guy ‘Static’ Stephens is walking backstage, nervously. His eyes wandering side to side, leaving no stone untouched as he watches his back making his way down the corridor. Static continues walking, hearing noises behind him; he jumps around, ready to pounce but there’s nothing behind him.
Static turns back around but before he can do anything its too late, Static has a bag over his head and has been pushed hard against the wall, two men seem to be doing the work but there faces cant be seen, dragging Static into a nearby room, he’s forced to sit in a wooden chair with only a small light dangling above his head. Statics breath is heavy, his head flailing side to side, trying to shake the bag off his head.
Static: What the…Mike?
Static’s head is cocked to one side, but nothing is heard, just silence. Static tries to free his arms again but to no avail.
Static: Mike if that’s you, get this over and done with. You can beat me up, you can tie me down, but you best sleep with one eye open because there is no way you will be able to walk when I’m finished with you.
Static waits for a reply but again nothing, the silence almost enraging him as he struggles to escape even more.
Static: Come on Mike, do it. DO IT DAMMIT!!
Static rocks back and forwards trying to free himself from the chair. As he stops struggling again, and settles, an evil laughter can be heard beginning to echo the small, darkened room.
???: I am not the gay half brother of a tyrant
Static goes silent, footsteps heard around the room. Static tries again to remove the hood by shaking his head uncontrollably, hearing the footsteps as they edge closer towards him.
Static: Then who? You couldn’t be David Black, no chance.
The footsteps edge closer, Statics head looking up toward the light, two words whispered to him as the hood is pulled from his head, Statics eyes still adjusting to the light.
Static is motionless, his eyes now fixed on the person in front of him.
Static: You. Why?
Static questions as he stands looking into the eyes of none other than Aceldama, standing holding Statics baseball bat ‘Shirley’ with an evil grin on his face.
Aceldama: I think this belongs to you doesn’t it?
Static: What do you want from me?
Aceldama grins, Static still puzzled, his arms being untied by Aceldama’s associates.
Aceldama: My apologies for the brutal, animalistic way we approached you but it was a last resort.
Static: You not got a telephone huh? So what can I do for you?
Static questions as he stretches out his back and arms.
Aceldama: We tried to call but you never answer. I believe we are alike in many ways Mr. Stephens. Your attack on Mike Best proved you have a problem with the Americanism within HOW. Your brutal attack on David Black shows you have no remorse in dealing out punishment to make your point. I like that.
Aceldama hands Static ‘Shirley’ as Static grins and points his bat towards Aceldama.
Static: My attack on Mike Best was out of my control; I was unaware of my actions at the time, but don’t get me wrong. I don’t regret them, hell I would do it myself if I got the chance anyway.
Aceldama: I think you should consider joining the uprising. I’m sure we could help each other in causing anarchy, destroying the patriotic sickness that plagues us.
Static: I don’t think there’s anything in particular you could help me with right now.
Aceldama began to grin, looking at Static dead in the eye.
Aceldama: What about that LSD title you crave so much?
Static began to smile, the sadistic wrecking ball extending his hand out toward Aceldama.
Static: I like how you think Ace, so, how much anarchy were you planning on causing?
Aceldama grasped Statics hand, a firm handshake between the two agreeing the deal.
Aceldama: This is only the beginning…America will fall.
As the camera fades out, an image of Static and Aceldama, their handshake, and the sadistic smiles upon their faces remain visible as we cut back to ringside.
Joe Hoffman: Shocking, simply shocking Benny, two ex Best Alliance members Static and Aceldama, think of the carnage these two can cause.
Benny Newell: Carnage? Carnage Joe? Seriously, its Britain and Germany, it’s the fucking holocaust all over again, where’s schindler and his damn list when you need it? Somebody save the Jews dammit. DRINK!
Turmoil cuts to commercial as yet another person has joined forces with Aceldama.
All these women are over 18…trust me..
Christopher America vs. Scottywood
Joe Hoffman: We’re back and it’s time for another Invitational match as we have a rematch of the 2009 March 2 Glory LSD title match in Christopher America going against Scottywood.
Benny Newell: No one gives a shit Joe, both America and Scottywood testified against Lee so now that he is out they are fucked.
Joe Hoffman: He’s only out for the day Benny, then he is heading back to jail. Plus Lee didn’t even stick around after giving Bobbinette away.
Benny Newell: Speaking of I have been trying to text Jack Bauer so we can get a camera into that room. Imagine the cash I can get for a video of Bobbinette and Mario fu….
Joe Hoffman: You have Jack Bauer’s number?
Benny Newell: His first name is Jack… so I am just assuming it’s Jack Bauer.
On the HOV an American flag is shown flowing in the wind against a clear blue sky. The American national anthem begins to play…
A woman begins to sing: “O say, can you see…”
A record scratch is heard as Fort Minor’s “Remember the Name” plays.
Christopher America comes out. He holds his arms up and touches the tips of his fingers forming an A. As he does, red, white, and blue sparks rain down.
Bryan McVay: The following Invitational match is scheduled for one fall, first making his way to the ring from America and weighing in at 235 pounds…. Christopher America!!
Joe Hoffman: Well the winner of this match will advance to take on the winner of the Simon Sparrow versus Mike Plow match, so America or Scottywood will have their work cut out for them.
OOOOOOHHHHHH, You Gotta Keep ‘em Separated
“Stricken” by Disturbed cuts in as we see Scottywood making his way out onto the stage, barbwire hockey stick in hand, looking extremely focused as he and America lock eyes as Scotty makes his way to the ring.
Bryan McVay: And his opponent from New York City, New York and weighing in at 265 pounds… “The Hardcore Artist” Scottywood!!
Joe Hoffman: The animosity between these two is already evident, just look at the looks on their faces as they stare each other down.
Benny Newell: What? I’m trying to Google pictures of Carmen Jennings, she has to be on the internet somewhere.
Scottywood leaves his hockey stick outside the ring as he slides into the ring as Joel Hortega steps in-between the two as Scottywood attention turns from America to Hortega.
Scottywood: You fuck with this match Hortega, and I promise it will be the LAST match you every referee.
Hortega doesn’t completely understand what Scotty is saying, but he gets the general message as he nods his head and calls for the bell to get the match underway as America gets in the first shot as Scotty still is turned towards Hortega and continues with punch after punch as the HOFC background of America is helping connect with early jabs as Scotty has his hand up trying to block the quick shots. America then comes in with a kick to the rib and hits the first wrestling move of the match with an American spinebuster in the middle of the ring as the fans inside the coliseum cheer for America.
Joe Hoffman: Good start for America who is looking to rebound after a tough loss to Mike Plow last week in the HOFC title match.
Benny Newell: Tough is having to watch this Joe… and try and disable the internet locks Mike Best has placed on this laptop.
America pulls Scottywood up to his feet as he whips him into the corner and hits a big clothesline as he then hits a big American uppercut and rips Scotty’s shirt down the middle and is about to go for some knife edge chops as he turns his head and screams in horror.
Christopher America: AHHH, Pepperoni Nipples!
America quickly yells at one of the crew members to give him his shirt which the crew member reluctantly does as America throws a few punches to the head of Scottywood before placing the shirt on Scottywood.
Joe Hoffman: America should really concentrate on this match and not on the nipples of Scottywood. If he gives Scottywood an opening he will make him pay.
Benny Newell: How can anyone concentrate with those nipples out?
America pulls Scottywood out of the corner and goes for a enziguri kick but Scottywood ducks it and counters with a clothesline that turns America inside out. Scotty quickly drops an elbow and then hooks America’s far leg for the corver.
America kicks out well before the three as Scotty throws a look at Hortega as he gets back to his feet before America and connects with a dropkick that send him through the ropes and to the outside. Scotty smiles as he slides out of the thee ring and quickly uses the environment to his advantage as he slams America’s head into the steel steps.
Joe Hoffman: Scotty needs to be careful, this is not a hardcore match and a DQ will eliminate himself from the Invitational.
Again Scotty tries to ring America’s head off the steps but America blocks and counters by slamming Scotty’s head into the steel ring post as The Hardcore Artist falls to the floor as Hortega’s count reaches four. America lifts Scotty up and clotheslines him over the crowd barricade as America slides back into the ring at the 6 count.
Joe Hoffman: Scotty needs to get back into that ring or he will be counted out.
Struggling back to his feet Scotty does for thee 7 count as he stumbles over the barricade at 8 and drops to one knee as Hortega counts to 9 and Scotty dives back into the ring as Hortega yells 10.
Joe Hoffman: Did he make it?
Benny Newell: Hope not, I wanna get to the Max Kael match.
Hortega waves his arms, saying that Scotty did in fact beat the count back into the ring and the match will continue. As Scotty climbs back to his feet America goes back to throwing punches before hitting an American leg sweep and then climbing the turnbuckles and connecting with a big American leg drop as he hooks Scotty’s far leg for the cover.
Joe Hoffman: America can’t get the full count! Scotty just gets his shoulder up to keep this match going again.
We can see a small cut opened up on Scotty’s face as America pulls Scottywood to his feet and again throws him into the corner as he now goes for the American Express, but Scotty rolls out of the corner just in time as America hits the turnbuckles hard and Scotty connects with a big release german suplex. Scottywood pulls himself back up to his feet, breathing hard as he takes a second to recover as America starts to climb back to his feet. Right before he is back to his vertical base though Scotty runs at him and connects with a big boot to the side of America’s head that drops him back to the ground.
Joe Hoffman: This is where Scottywood is dangerous, when he has his opponent down and out like this. America needs to quickly turn this match around before it is over.
Slowly stalking America we see Scottywood signaling for his finishing move as America is slowly getting back to his feet, groggy and daze America turns towards Scottywood and gets lifted up into a fireman’s carry as the crowd starts to boo, but America slips out of the move and counters with a kick to the gut and locks in a reverse face lock.
Christopher America: FOR AMERICA!!!
But suddenly we hear “Because I’m Awesome” by The Dollyrots play and we see Mike Plow walking out on the stage with a dog on a leash.
Joe Hoffman: What is this?
Benny Newell: Plow dog walking?
Joe Hoffman: He’s not dog walking, he is dognapping! That is Christopher America’s dog The General!
America lets go of Scottywood as he rushes to the ring ropes, yelling at Plow who just sickly smiles as he picks up The General and starts petting the dog.
Joe Hoffman: What kind of sick man steals someone pet, worse of all their dog?
America continues to yell as he starts to exit the ring but he is stopped by Scottywood who with America now caught in the ropes grabs his head and hits an SDT at a sick angle due to America being in the ropes.
Joe Hoffman: America’s head hitting almost vertically on the mat there!
But instead of going for the cover Scottywood wants to inflict more damage as he lifts America up and into a fireman’s carry as America struggles for a second but he can’t escape as Scottywood connects with the Game Misconduct as America is laid out on the mat.
Joe Hoffman: I thought America was gonna escape but this is now academic as Scotty goes for the cover.
Hortega calls for the bell after what one could maybe consider a long count as the crowd inside the coliseum is stunned as Hortega raises Scotty arm in victory.
Bryan McVay: The winner of this match in 10 minutes and 21 seconds…. Scottywood!
Joe Hoffman: Well one can argue that Plow cost America this match, as it seemed like he had Scottywood finished, but Plow came out with America’s dog and turned this match around.
Benny Newell: Ya, ya, ya. Where is Max Kael?
Joe Hoffman: Scottywood finally gets his long awaited win over America and you can be sure that he and Mr. Cool will be partying it up tonight in celebration….
Post Match Challenge
Suddenly as Scottywood is still sitting in the corner of the ring, trying to catch his breath from the intense match with America we see the HOV screen suddenly switch to a satellite feed from WMW Arena, where Valora is standing there, a cocky smirk on her face. The smirk increases as the boos rise up from the HOW crowd.
Valora: Yeah, says the idiots who cheer for losing teams year after year, after year. Which is why you root for HOW I guess, losers cheering for losers.
More boos from the crowd and Valora shrugs.
Valora: Anyway, I’m informed by WMW Management that Lee Best demanded we appear on his little pay per view. Well, sorry Lee. You’re not my boss. However, you happen to be in luck, cause it really disappointed me how easily and quickly Scottywood-if-he-could went down, and I’m eager to give it another go. Get that checkbook out Lee cause to have the services of THE best woman wrestler, someone who is ranked higher then anyone in your company, male or female, I might add, come into Chicago and beat Cool Reality down… it’s gonna cost you… and it’s gonna cost you double to have the Hall of Famer and 4 time Great Lakes Champion there as well, but hey… you got the money, we got a beat down waiting for you.
Scottywood: Well you’re about a 5 dollar hooker, so I’m pretty sure that HOW can spring 10 bucks for ASS Man. But you just bring your ass to Chicago and HOW will pay ya whatever ya want. Every penny will be worth it so I can tear you two fucks to pieces.
Valora: Good, then it looks like we have a deal. Got anything to add, Bill?
The camera pans back to reveal said Hall of Famer/4-time GLC, AWS Man (also known as Bill), sitting next to Valora, browsing through a dirty magazine. He doesn’t seem to be paying any attention to his stablemate, until Valora clears her throat and he looks up with a start.
AWS Man (also known as Bill): Huh? Oh, we’re freakin’ doing this now? Fine. I don’t really care if we face those guys from WHO or not, but if they’re willing to fly us out there, I guess I can be bothered to give them the biggest freakin’ beatdown in the history of big freakin’ beatdowns. Maybe we can grab some chalupas while we’re there. That’s what Chi-Town’s known for, right?
AWS Man (also known as Bill): Oh. That just seems like false advertising, then. Well, have some freakin’ pizza ready for us or something. And, uh, a jetpack. That’d be pretty swank. So, you have our demands. Meet them in 24 hours or the girl freakin’ dies.
Valora sighs and massages her temple.
Valora: No, we’re demanding money to sign a match, not to meet a ransom. We don’t even have anybody hostage, stupid gringo…
AWS Man (also known as Bill): Whatever, it’s not my job to keep track of these freakin’ things. Just let me know who the freak we’re fighting from WHAT in advance, so I can think of clever ways to insert the word ‘poop’ into their names. Cause that’s why I make the big bucks.
The Insane One returns to his porno mag. Valora sighs and shakes her head as the camera focuses back in on her.
Valora: You have to excuse him. He gets excited. Anyways, you shit heels over in HOW might want to pay attention tonight because when I roll up into Chi-Town to beat the shit out of some punk who wouldn’t know Hardcore if it bit him in the ass, I plan one being one half of the WWA Tag Team champs. See, while you cowardly bitches run from fights. WMW steps up and knocks people on their fuckin’ asses. And in a few weeks time… we’re be there to knock you on YOUR ass.
Valora starts to get up and then pauses reminding herself of something and sits back down.
Valora: But the news isn’t all bad, Lee. Your fed may be sinking like a fucking stone, but least you have me coming to boost your ratings, you love to throw your money around and I’m happy to take it, beat down two of your members and bring my sexy latina ass back here to Cleveland to focus on more important shit. But I’m not going to be ALL negative on your fed, Lee. You do have SOME people in your fed on the right track. I’ll leave it at that. Now, when you’re ready to make this thing official, you give WMW Corporate another call. They’ll tell you where to send the check. Til then, adios gringos.
Valora puts her hand up and cuts off the feed. Scottywood just stands in the ring with a smile on his face, knowing that it will be only a matter of time before he gets his hands on Valora and AWS Man.
Joe Hoffman: Well it seems a deal has been struck, were going to see WMW vs. HOW live at March 2 Glory, what a match that will be Benny.
Benny Newell: Ya, a perfect time for me to refill my bottle of Jack and take a piss.
Joe Hoffman: Right… well we’re going to head backstage, but coming up is Max Kael vs. Justin Decent!
Keeping The Dream Alive
We cut to the backstage area of the Kallisten Coliseum to a view of a closed door. A heated conversation can be heard behind the door between 2 men, one of which seems quite disgruntled.
???: He’s a mad man. You’ve seen him the past couple of weeks, his head’s not all there. I need protection. I’m a hall of famer for crying out loud, is this how you treat your most valued superstars? Just give me a security escort until March To Glory that’s all I’m asking. I can deal with him in the ring but I can’t concentrate on my preparations whilst having to constantly look over my shoulder to see if he’s going to be there. Look, just think it over and get back to me during the week that’s all I ask. If you want this match to go ahead you’ll make the right decision.
The conversation comes to a halt and the door opens to reveal a wary Mark O’Neal looking sheepishly around each corner before exiting the room and closing the door behind him. He begins walking down the corridor constantly peering over his shoulder and looking at a man wearing a construction helmet carrying bricks with paranoid suspicion.
Mark jumps, almost out of his skin as the loud sound of metal hitting floor can be heard from behind a closed door. He puts up his guard and stares at the door waiting for whomever is behind the door to come out. The door opens slowly, creaking eerily as if he’d been transported into some 80’s horror film. A foot pops out of the door and O’Neal flies through the door swinging his fists with ruthless abandon towards the person that was making their way into the corridor.
Mark O’Neal: ARGH! You think you can sneak up on me again Reinhardt? Not this time, now I’ve got the upper hand.
The camera swings itself round to view the action taking place in the doorway of the room, O’Neal still punching the perpetrator to a bloody pulp. O’Neal stops his assault and sits up atop of his victim to find that actually, it isn’t Reinhardt at all. Clearly shaken from his assault the man manages to string a sentence between the blood that is now pouring from his mouth.
???: M-m-m-my name is José señor. I am j-j-janitor here I make you no harm.
Looking shocked, O’Neal stands up and steps back from José’s body and steps back into the corridor keeping his eyes fixed on José before quickly glancing left to right to see if anybody saw the attack.
Mark O’Neal: Well what the fuck do you think you’re doing making noises like that whilst I’m walking past; you nearly gave me a heart attack!
José: I just find b-b-bucket to clean floor with.
Mark O’Neal: Idiot. You tell anybody about this and I’ll break you in two, you understand?
José: Y-y-yes señor. My lips are how you say, sealed.
Mark takes a deep breath and brushes himself off, stepping over the feet of the janitor and making his way back down the corridor. Shocked and still on edge, he navigates his way with a stealth like movement until he gets to a door that reads Mark O’Neal. Taking in a huge sigh of relief Mark grabs at the door handle before stopping himself and letting go of the handle.
Mark O’Neal: What if he’s in there? I bet he’s in there. He can’t be in there surely? …Get a grip Mark even if he is he’s no match for your superior athletic ability.
Smiling he again grabs the handle of the door and swings it open. He takes a step inside the door and looks up, his face soon a picture of horror as he sees 2 Doberman Pinschers sat at the far end of the room staring directly at him. The construction worker from earlier can be seen walking past in the background, dropping a few of his bricks right behind O’Neal, visibly falling to the floor between O’Neal’s legs.
Mark O’Neal: Oh shi-
O’Neal spins around to make a quick escape but quickly finds himself nose to nose with Reinhardt. O’Neal’s eyes widen as Reinhardt stares him down.
Reinhardt: Boo, bitch!
Reinhardt grabs O’Neal by his shirt and head butts him sending him stumbling back into the room, in doing so Mark trips and falls to the floor inches away from the snarling Dobermans that are desperate to get at O’Neal but are restricted by the leads that they are tied to the pipes behind them.
Reinhardt makes his way into the room, closing the door behind himself. He stands over the fallen O’Neal and looks down at him before slamming the bottom of his boot down into O’Neal’s torso, O’Neal hunches forward trying to protect his midriff from any more punishment. Instead Reinhardt swings his boot into Marks teeth snapping his head back onto the floor, blood beginning to dribble down his chin from his bottom lip. O’Neal lets out a groan as Reinhardt picks him up by the scruff of the neck and slamming him into a locker face first. The force of the impact makes O’Neal stumble backwards right into Reinhardt’s path, Reinhardt grabs him and delivers his Rabid Redemption finisher right onto the concrete floor leaving O’Neal face down on the floor knocked out from the crushing impact of skull to concrete.
Reinhardt stands over O’Neal’s lifeless body and grabs at O’Neal’s hair lifting his head off the floor. Blood from Marks nose and mouth drip onto the floor, his eyes closed shut O’Neal is clearly out of it. Reinhardt then gets right in O’Neal’s ear and begins to speak to him.
Reinhardt: Unconscious or not you’re going to fucking hear this. Last week you called my attack on you, cowardly? Lest we forget what you did for weeks on end in October Not only that but you needed help in the process of taking me out week after week, THAT my friend is cowardly. What I’m doing now is purely a warning, a warning to you and a warning to the rest of the roster. You see, when I first came here I wanted to please everybody, it made me proud to hear the crowd cheer my name, to see those smiling faces adore me each week. I was happy…but then you came along.
When you reigned victorious in our last match, you not only destroyed me, you destroyed the bond I had with the fans, you destroyed any respect the roster had for me, you destroyed any chance I had of achieving my goals here and more importantly you destroyed the unfinished legacy of a true legend of this sport. If only you knew why our match went the way it did O’Neal, you wouldn’t be so smug about it then, oh no. You do not realize just what you did that night, in fact you have no idea what you’ve done since you stepped inside a fucking ring here in HOW, you’re to blame, it’s all your fault and now is the time to pay your debts.
Luckily…I have another chance to achieve the goals me and Don dreamt about, this is our last chance to shine and I’m not going to let anything get in the way of that, do you understand? I made a promise to Don that I would one day reign supreme here and I will keep that promise, until my dying breath I’ll keep that promise.
Mark O’Neal: Urgh…
O’Neal begins to show signs of life, opening his eyes ever so slightly, spitting out the blood that had built up inside his mouth.
Reinhardt: Dons dream will not die O’Neal. Once I’ve taken care of our unfinished business I’m going to rampage through this company like the vicious animal I am. I don’t care if your name is Carey, Faze or Aceldama. Their agendas, their motives or their prejudices mean jack shit to me, all that matters to me now, the only thing I live for, is to be a champion. You’ll be my messenger O’Neal. At March 2 Glory everybody will see that I mean business when I tear you limb, from fucking limb.
Reinhardt slams O’Neal’s face right back into the concrete and makes his way over to his 2 dogs, untying them and leaving the room, closing the door behind himself on an unconscious Mark O’Neal as we cut to a commercial break.
Marcus Reinhardt vs. Mark O’Neal
HOW’s Cool Reality vs. WMW’s Valora and AWS Man
HOW ICON Title Match
Max Kael vs. Justin Decent
We return from commercial break to see Benny Newell turned around and waving to the fans while Joe Hoffman checks his notes.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back folks, up next is one of the more pivotal matches tonight as Max Kael not only defends his ICON Championship and his position in the Best Invitational, he also is defending his honor thanks to the deal he made with Simon Sparrow.
Benny Newell finally takes a seat back down at the announcer’s position.
Benny Newell: Well what the hell is up right now Joe?
Joe Hoffman: If you had been here earlier Benny you would have heard what was up next.
Benny Newell: I was saying hello to my endearing fans, I am a HOW Hall of famer you know.
Joe Hoffman: We both are!
Benny Newell: Yeeaaah.. but I am better then you.
Before Joe can respond the P.A. comes alive marking the arrival of Justin Decent who catches his fair share of boos from the crowd. He quickly makes his way down to the ring and slides in posing for a few moments before Maximillian Kael makes his entrance. Wearing both the ICON and the Internet Titles, Maximillian Kael looks drenched in all the gold he can potentially lose tonight if he does not defeat Justin Decent.
Joe Hoffman: For folks at home who are not aware, this is not only an ICON Championship match but if Max Kael loses he has to forfeit the Internet Championship and has a great number of other embarrassing actions to take including making out with Benny Newell.
Benny Newell: I can’t fucking believe I am cheering for Max just to get out of having to make out with him!
Joe Hoffman: At least that is a reasonable reason to want him to win, Benny, beyond him simply supporting Lee Best.
Max hands off his titles to Joel Hortega who collects them and presents them to the crowd before moving to the edge of the ring to hand them to the announcer. Taking advantage of Hortega’s redirected attention Max Kael attacks Decent with a series of stiff forearms which works the challenger into the corner. Hortega turns around to witness Max’s brutality as he is forced to ring the bell to start the match!
Working over Decent in the corner Max takes charge of the match early before whipping his opponent into the far corner with authority. Charging forward Max hits a corner tramp close line before backing away allowing Justin to slump down. Hortega warns Max against attacking an downed opponent in the corner and Max obliges the foreigner while he poses for the crowd who pour on the hate and boos.
Decent manages to get himself back to his feet, shaking free the cobwebs before moving back toward the center of the ring to tie up with Max. Both lock up and push against eachother until Decent manages to lock Max into an half nelson. Max counters into a headlock only to get pushed into the ropes and taken down with a reverse elbow! With Max down Decent heads back into the ropes before flipping ontop of Max with a seated Senton. Justin floats over for the pin!
Max manages to get his arm up as Decent jumps up from the cover and connects with a few stiff kicks before dragging Max up to his feet. Cinching his head Justin backs up into the corner and climbs to the middle rope before spinning off.. DDT! Justin covers once again!
It’s closer this time as Justin’s offense seems to be working on the Emperor of HOW. Hitting a series of stiff chops Decent knocks Max back into the ropes and bounces him off before throwing a closeline in his direction.. Max ducks and returns fire with flying forearm smash! Both men hit the mat as Hortega starts up a ten count..
Before Hortega is able to get to six both man have wobbled back up to their feet and trade blows. Max is able to garner the advantage in this exchange and hits a sudden and stiff suplex on Decent before hooking his leg.
Keeping his chances for the ICON Title and the World Title alive, Decent manages to break the pin fall much to Max Kael’s frustration. Max rolls to the outside of the ring where he wanders toward the time keeper to get the ICON Championship with a smug look on his face. Hortega begins to yell in Spanish at Max as the ICON Champion yanks his title away from the ring side staff and turns back toward the ring.
Max Kael doesn’t have time to react as Justin Decent launches himself through the middle rope like a missile driving Max Kael hard to the ground on the outside. Holy Shit chants sound up over the arena as Max Kael looks unconscious and Justin Decent looks to be in only slightly better condition. Decent manages to scoop Max Kael and rolls him into the ring and follows up, propping Max Kael into the corner as he signals for the Reverse Razor!
Max Kael has a sudden burst of energy and charges forward aiming to knock Decent’s head off however the crafty challenger ducks causing Max to closeline Hortega out of his shoes! Max, unsure what he has just done, stumbles back..
Max lays motionless in the ring as Decent hooks the leg for the cover..
Decent looks up dejected, wondering where the count is only to see that Hortega is barely moving on the other side of the ring. Justin starts to stir Hortega while Max shows signs of life, slowly pulling himself back up.
Suddenly Louis the Little Person can be seen making his way down to the ring with a baseball bat! Climbing the ring on the outside he manages to get up to the top turnbuckle without being detected! Max stumbles toward Decent, grabbing and pulling him away from Hortega completely unaware that Louis is right behind him on the top turnbuckle with a baseball bat! Decent elbows Max in the face causing the ICON Champion to release him and turn, stumbling face first toward Louis who launches himself into the air swinging the bat!
Though aiming for Max the ICON Champion notices him and ducks out of the way as the midget connects with the back of Decent’s skull dropping the challenger! Louis, swearing loudly quickly departs from the ring when he notices that Hortega is getting back to his feet. Max scrambles over to Decent’s downed body and rolls him up, tugging on his tights as he does so!
WINNER: MAX KAEL IN 12 MINUTES 1 SECOND!
The ICON Champion steals a victory out of the jaws of defeat thanks to Simon Sparrow’s little helper. As Decent remains motionless in the center of the ring Max quickly slips out to collect his titles before turning his attention to Louis who has already started to back away from the ring.
The crowd boos loudly as Max is announced as the winner however the ICON Champion does not seem to hear as he stalks Louis back up the stage and into the backstage area while Hortega checks on a slowly recovering Decent.
Call 1800MAXKAEL now to place your bids on Simon Sparrow’s parking space for when he loses to Mike Plow tonight!
Mike Plow vs. Simon Sparrow
Joe Hoffman: Well I have gotten word that Mario and Bobbinette are leaving their pivate room and are heading back to the coliseum for their big main event World title match, but right now folks sit tight and buckle up because up next we have Mike Plow vs. Simon Sparrow in what can be easily branded as the first Main Event tonight.
Benny Newell: Main Event? Sparrow vs. Plow? Hoffman you’re slipping if you think that’s the case or maybe your still drunk?
Joe winces slightly at Benny’s reminder of last week as he clears his throat. He flips threw a few of his notes before he looks back up at the camera.
Joe Hoffman: Anyway folks, this will be the last elimination round match tonight and it is perhaps the most anticipated one as well.
Benny Newell: Oh yeah? Says who?
Joe Hoffman: Everyone, if you weren’t so drunk all the time you would know that!
Benny Newell: Blaaaaaah!
Joe Hoffman: Anyhow, the winner of this match will move onto the semi-finals of the Invitational and take on “The Hardcore Artist” Scottywood.
The lights dim as Mike Plow makes his way onto the stage to a chorus of loud boos and “You Suck” chants. At his side is none other than General, Christopher America’s dog which Plow had dognapped earlier in the show.
Joe Hoffman: Not a terribly warm reception for the HOFC Champion here tonight and as you can see he still has General with him.
Benny Newell: What the fuck does he want with that fat ass Mascot slobber machine?
Joe Hoffman: You’re guess is as good as mine.
Benny Newell: He wants to fuck it!?
Joe Hoffman: Ok.. maybe your guess is not as good as mine. But the fact is that Plow distracted America enough while dognapping The General to allow Scottywood to capture that ever so elusive win over America and eliminate Chris from the Invitational.
Benny Newell: Sure he doesn’t want to fuck it?
Making his way down to the ring Plow beams with the kind of douche bag radiance you expect to see on Jersey Shore. Avoiding random pieces of garbage Plow manages to get General tied up on the outside of the ring via his leash before sliding in to discuss tacos with Joel Hortega.
Next out is the GM of Turmoil, Simon Sparrow. The applause is thunderous as the hero of HOW is greeted by the crowd. Posing for a few moments Simon Sparrow makes his way down to the ring slapping a few fans hands on the way.
Joe Hoffman: As always Simon Sparrow receives a warm welcome and why not? He is probably the most competent General Manager we’ve had in years.
Benny Newell: I hate to agree with you there Joe but I think you’re absolutely right about that. First of all he ensured that at least one wrestler was going to back Lee Best at his trial and second of all he is certainly a lot less bitchy then Mike Best ever was. I think it was the gayness.
Joe Hoffman: BENNY!
With both men in the ring Joel Hortega is quick to signal for the bell as both men move to the center of the ring. A tie up is attempted by Simon Sparrow who receives an eye gouge from Plow for his efforts. Stumbling back Sparrow is struck with a stiff clothesline which takes him off his feet and down hard to the matt. Mounting Sparrow Mike Plow hammers him with stiff right hands aiming at knocking Sparrow the fuck out as quickly as possible.
Hortega steps in and begins a count on Mike for using closed fists which Plow pushes to the limit before dismounting Sparrow. Posing over Sparrow as the crowd boos the asshole of HOW quickly returns his attention to the matter at hand. Hoisting Sparrow up he hooks his head and plants him decisively into the center of the ring with a DDT. He hooks Sparrow’s leg..
Sparrow throws up his arm well before the three count however Plow does not seem overly impressed by the feat. Pulling himself up Mike begins to lay the boots to Sparrow while ignoring Hortega’s pleads to let Sparrow up. Eventually Hortega is able to physically pull Plow away from Sparrow granting the fan favorite a few moments to collect his thoughts.
Simon makes his way up to his feet and moves forward as Mike bounces off the ropes charging toward the groggy Hall of Famer aiming for another nasty clothesline!
Mike Plow bounces off the other set of ropes only to run head long into a drop kick from Sparrow which takes the HOFC Champion off his feet! Sparrow scrambles up to his feet and heads into the ropes as Mike works to drag himself up to his feet..
Mike’s head slams off the mat as Sparrow rolls to a nearby turn buckle to catch his breath and size up Plow. SIMONIZER! Sparrow slides over for the cover..
Now it is Mike Plow’s turn to try and kick out as Sparrow is denied the victory. Sparrow slides back up to his feet and grabs Plow’s legs before locking on the JATTACLYSM!
Mike Plow contorts himself in the center of the ring while screaming as Simon cinches the lock down. Hortega moves into position to check on if Mike gives up while Sparrow keeps the lock tightened on his opponent. Yanking back on the hold Mike is pushed further into his own agony though he still continues to fight it.
The cheers from the crowd are suddenly cut into as a chorus of boos reigned in from the audience. Louis the Little Person appears on the stage as if someone had thrown him through the entrance, his body landing in a heap. The sinister and cruel form of Max Kael appears behind him, a leather strap held in his hand. As the camera’s focus on Louis it’s apparent he has been whipped several times with the leather strap as welts are visible.
Max Kael points down at Sparrow who still has the hold locked on Plow but appears to be yelling up at the stage for Max to stop. Hortega finally takes notice and has also turned his attention up toward the stage as Plow screams at the top of his lungs but still does not yield.
The EMPEROR of HOW sends the leather down hard across Louis’s form causing the little man to spasm and cry out loudly. At the sight of it Simon releases the hold and leaves the ring making a B-line toward the Prime Minister of Maxopotamia. The ICON Champion is quick to make a retreat as Hortega starts the count out process..
Simon checks on Louis while Plow slowly pulls himself back up to his feet favoring his legs. Simon picks Louis up and slowly starts to carry him back down toward the ring as Hortega reaches the 8 count. Setting Louis down near the ring Simon rolls back into the ring just in time to beat the ten count only to receive a stiff punt kick to the side of the head from Plow who rushes for a pin fall!
Sparrow barely gets his arm up as Plow grabs Hortega and begins to scream at him for an unfair count. Spitting on Hortega Plow begins to put the boots back to Sparrow when the crowd once again is interrupted during their boos which switch over to cheers as Christopher America appears rushing down to the ring!
Plow notices he looks to be heading for the dog and unwilling to give up his ill-gotten gains Plow heads into the ropes before launching himself over the top rope into the incoming America as both men mash to the ground outside the ring trading blows. Hortega yells for America and Plow to break up but as Plow attacked first he is unwilling to declare a DQ.
Sparrow uses the ropes to pull himself back up to his feet as Plow and America are finally separated by security while Joe comments on the massive amount of interference which has occurred in this match already. Plow trash talks with America as he is dragged away, flipping him off and threatening to kick General which only further infuriates the crowd and instigates America. As the former HOFC Champion is eventually escorted away Plow makes his way back into the ring still taking the opportunity to talk smack about his opponent..
Mike Plow turns right into Simon Sparrows attack and finds himself planted in the center of the ring!
WINNER: SIMON SPARROW IN 14 MINUTES 9 SECONDS!
Joe Hoffman: And Simon Sparrow gets the win in this circus of a match, eliminating Mike Plow from the Invitational.
Benny Newell: So guess what that sets up for a match Joe?
Joe Hoffman: I don’t have to guess Benny, it IS going to set up Simon Sparrow versus Scottywood. GM vs. former GM. There has been so much hate between these two and they will finnally get their hands on each other in the semi-finals of the Invitational.
Benny Newell: I’m sure Scottywood is licking his lips.. or pepperoni nipples. This is exactly what he wanted, but he won’t be facing the same man he beat well over a year ago.
Joe Hoffman: No he won’t… but I have word that we have cameras backstage and that were gonna head back there…
Check out the 4 hour long HOR from Tuesday night which included half the HOW roster.
HOW World Title Match
Mario Maurako vs. Bobbinette “Queen B” Carey
First Blood Match w/ Special Guest Referee Aceldama
Joe Hoffmann: Well folks, this is it, earlier tonight we witnessed a wedding High Octane style, and I guess right now you are about to witness a honeymoon……High Octane Style.
Benny Newell: What a wedding present to give her husband, a chance to get his hands on the on the High Octane World title, that girl just gives so much.
Joe Hoffmann: And let’s not forget that this is a first blood match….
Benny Newell: Just before we start, I think this needs to be issued…..is Carey on her period?
Joe Hoffmann: What relevance does that even HAVE to this?
Benny Newell: Well she could be bleeding before she even comes out to wrestle!
Joe Hoffmann: I not even going to dignify that with a response, moving on, Aceldama is of course the referee for this one, and I think he will play a vital part in the outcome of this. Aceldama obviously lost his title to Carey only a few weeks ago and there is also history with Mario as Mario was due to get his chance at the World Title at War Games last year, only for Aceldama to capture the gold against Crow and deny his chance.
Benny Newell: Where is Crow right now? I hear rumours he is running a bird sanctuary in Guatemala.
The lights in the arena go dim as a countdown begins in German as the referee for this match makes his way out of the darkness as a flurry of pyro’s go off as Rammstein’s ‘Sonne’ begins to play on the PA system. This has shaken Benny, who at his table is literally hiding beneath it!
Benny Newell: Oh shit! They are attacking, quick protect John Stewart, he is the most valuable of the Jews!
Bryan McVay: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is our main event and it is for the High Octane World title and will be a first blood match! Firstly making his way to the ring, from Berlin, Germany, he is the special guest referee for tonight’s match……..ACELDAMA!!!
Aceldama struts to the ring with a smug look upon his face, a look that he has something up his sleeve as he bad mouths all the American fans who have packed into the arena to witness this show. He climbs the steps and gets into the ring as he prepares to officiate this World title match
The lights come back on as the music begins to change as Tatu’s – All about us blasts through the arena as the fans explode with rapturous applause and cheers as the High Octane World champion Bobbinette Carey makes her way to the ramp area, sporting proudly across her waist the World title. She takes the cheers of the fans as she storms to the ring, looking as focused as she has ever been
Bryan McVay: Making her way to the ring, from Parma Heights, Ohio, she is the World champion, Bobbinette Carey…….
McVay is interrupted as someone behind him taps him on the shoulder and hands him a piece of paper which he reads
Bryan McVay: I am sorry, Bobbinette Carey Maurako!!!
Carey rolls under the bottom rope and into the ring where Aceldama comes to stand opposite her as she looks upwards, staring into his eyes. She begins to run her mouth as Aceldama simply stands and smiles at her, she then takes the title from her waist and raises it in front of Aceldama who simply ignores the gesture by turning away and goes into the corner.
The music stops as the opponent, and now husband of Bobbinette Carey makes his way to the ring, but it seems he is bringing something with him. As he comes out to the ramp, he turns around and instructs somebody or somebodie’s to come on out. It is in fact the entire Maurako family, wheeling out a table filled to the brim with what seems to be wedding presents! He looks at his new wife in the ring as she stands in the ring, at the ready, prepared to keep to her promise of ensuring that Mario gets the fight of his life tonight. The family wheel the table straight to the outside of the ring and leave it there. His father Mose gives him some final words of advice as he stands looking up at her whilst all the while Aceldama stands in the corner minding his own business. He rolls into the ring.
Bryan McVay: And the challenger, hailing from Minneapolis, Minnesota………TRIPLE M, MARIO MAURAKO!!!
Mario stands in the ring looking at Carey, worried that her sheer focus and determination is stronger than ever, and all his attempts to rid it from her have gone astray. He walks over to her and stands in front of her, her eyes bulging out with rage, she is ready to fight. Aceldama walks from his corner and stands beside the two, then calls for the bell to start the match.
DING DING DING
Joe Hoffmann: And here we go folks, you can call this a honeymoon, but there is no love shown in the two of them, you can call this the wedding reception, but this is unlike many I have seen in my life I assure you.
Benny Newell: Bullshit, can’t have a wedding reception without a good old fight. My cousin Billy’s had one, he totally kicked their ass, to be honest, my grandma had it coming.
The bell has rung, but both of them simply stand and look at one another, Mario points over to the belt stating that it is his dream to hold that, and no wife of his was going to stop him from holding it, Carey shakes her head and adamantly raises her fist in preparation. Mario looks at her furiously and raises his hand and slaps her across the face! The HOV screen goes from 1,039 to 1,040! Carey recoils, holding her cheek, then smacks him back, harder than the slap Mario had on Carey. It rattles him up, then he realizes enough is enough and that she means business, he closes his fist and lands a punch straight to her nose, she lands straight to the canvas holding it. Aceldama is straight over to check if there is any blood, Carey moves her hands from her face, there is no blood.
Mario grabs Carey by her hair and lifts her back up off the canvas then proceeds to drag her across to one turnbuckle and plants her face against it, then still with a clump of her hair he pulls her to another turnbuckle, this time with more force planting her head against it, then he tries to go for a third turnbuckle, but she tries to resist, he pulls at her hair harder, so much so his grip is lost and he pulls out a chunk of her hair!
Looking at Mario holding a chunk of her hair sends Carey into an extreme rage as Mario looks at then drops it as if to say he didn’t do anything. She feels the part of her hair where it should be, then charges at him, jumping on top of him and proceeds to pummel him on the canvas with lefts and rights!
Benny Newell: Oh ho ho!! Carey mounting Mario, jesus he likes it rough doesn’t he?
Suddenly the pummeling is brought to an abrupt end as Aceldama strangely grabs Carey’s arms and throws her off Mario, then proceeds to stand over Mario, looking down at his face closely with a tilted head, he then turns to a bewildered Carey and instructs her she can continue
Joe Hoffmann: What the hell is Aceldama doing? He simply pulled Carey off Mario!
Benny Newell: He just doing his job Joe, saving a lot of valuable money hiring cleaners to clean this ring of blood. Carey should know you never have nuptials whilst on your period, it can get messy!
Carey on the canvas looks up at Aceldama confused but also angered as she gets back to her feet and goes back after Mario who is holding onto the middle rope trying to drag himself up, she lifts his legs upwards sending him flying into the air and landing face first onto the canvas. She stands in the corner as Aceldama once again is getting too close for comfort and butting into proceedings as he turns Mario around to check for blood, Carey is preparing for something. Mario is slowly getting to his feet and staggering about the ring lost, Carey charges with a super kick which smacks Mario straight across the chin and he flies backwards, over the top rope and down to the mat below. Aceldama once again peers to the outside to see if Mario drew blood with the impact.
Carey goes straight to the top rope and stalks Mario as he gets back, very slowly, to his feet. Carey comes off the top rope with a cross body, but Mario catches her and body slams her straight to the matt. Aceldama now comes outside. Mario is on his knees, he dabs his forehead to check for blood, nothing, so he gets to his feet and proceeds to go for a chair, folding it up. Wiping the sweat from his face he stands over Carey, with the chair raised over his head, goading her to get up, licking his lips like he can taste the world title! Carey turns over and proceeds to get up, Mario now has the chair over his head and is about to come down
Benny Newell: That HAD to hurt!
Bobbinette Carey managed to get a reverse as she swipes at Mario’s testicles, sending him reeling in an extreme amount of pain, holding his groin!
Joe Hoffmann: Doesn’t look like the Maurako family will be having any additions to the family soon!
Benny Newell: Its fine, didn’t you know, Carey is a hermaphrodite?
Carey now has the chair and stands over Mario with the chair, still holding his groin Mario begs her not to do it, for a brief second it looks like she has won, as she even allows Mario time to get to his feet but it does not last as she flattens Mario over the forehead with the chair, even making a tent in it! Once again Aceldama is straight over. Mario is so dizzy he is finding it hard to walk in a straight line, Aceldama sees something, it’s a cut, he is about to turn to the ring announcer to end it, but on further inspection, there is no blood….so far.
Mario staggers around the outside, all the while Carey stalking him, he falls on the table with the wedding presents, and he frantically begins to open them throwing wrapping paper in all directions, he finds a collection of plates and he opens the box and desperately begins to throw them in the direction of Carey, they smash in all directions, even the fans are ducking for cover! But none of them hit Carey, then he opens another and he finds a rather odd wedding present.
Benny Newell: Oh my GOD, that is not!!
Mario opens the box and stands holding the item like a knife, telling Carey to come at him with everything. It is in fact, a black dildo!
Joe Hoffmann: That is what you think it is.
Benny Newell: Someone must have thought Mario’s pepperoni wouldn’t satisfy Carey, cause once you go black….
He then realizes what he has and drops it to the ground in disgust then tries to find something else but it is too late as Carey makes her way charging with the chair and Mario ducks and she hits the table, actually hitting one of the presents, and something comes out of it, two pieces of toast!
Joe Hoffmann: No prizes for guessing what that gift was
Benny Newell: So what is where I put my bread! I was testing it you see.
Mario grabs the hair again and bashes her head upon the table, then lifts her up in a fireman’s carry and drops her through the table of gifts! He then falls to his knees as Aceldama stands staring at him strangely, he orders him to check Carey, but still he stands staring at him, he begins to become paranoid. He sees that one of the gifts was a wall mirror, now cracked in front of Carey, he lifts it up and looks at himself, and then he sees what Aceldama is looking at him so strangely for.
A cut is forming, but so far no blood, only flesh can be seen.
He panics, wondering what to do, he shouts again for Aceldama to quickly check Carey as Aceldama lifts up the hair of the lifeless Carey to check for blood but nothing, he shakes his head and proceeds to go back to staring at Mario, even getting closer to him, the paranoia is kicking in, Mario pushes him out of the way and goes searching underneath the ring, he then finds what he wants, pulling it out, it seems like it is a bag of salt, used for de:icing the parking lot!
Joe Hoffmann: He is not!
Benny Newell: Oh he is, this is going to be HILARIOUS.
He stands over the bag of salt and rips it open, taking a piece in his hand, standing for what seems like forever, trying to make himself do it, he sighs and finally dabs the salt onto the cut, he screams in exhilarating pain, so loud he even makes a previously unconscious Carey come to life, she turns around, looking around at the smashed up wedding gifts and the broken table and she finds the best present of them all. A set of kitchen knives, she takes out the largest and walks over to Mario who is still clenching his fists in pain, but he immediately sees Carey coming at him with the knife and he quickly, like a whippet, dives straight back into the ring, Carey follows, as does Aceldama. Mario seems to be begging for something, McVay delivers to him a microphone as Carey comes towards him.
Mario Maurako: Carey, baby, what are we doing to one another? Is this really worth it? We got married only hours ago, please baby, put down the knife.
Carey thinks this is dirty tactics at first, so she still proceeds to come at him with the knife, then Mario gets on his knees, trying desperately to get her to drop the knife, which after a moment of thought she does. Mario gets up and smiles at her and looks to go in for a kiss but instead he pounces on her with a mandible claw, straight into the mouth of Carey who falls to her knees as the sadistic face of Mario looks down at her. Aceldama sees something, he goes for a closer look, he doesn’t like what he sees.
It is liquid, it is red, it is blood.
DING DING DING
Joe Hoffmann: I don’t believe it, Mario tricked his wife and now he is the champion??
Benny Newell: Did I just see the mandible claw? Is this 1998? If so, wonderful, Britney Spears is still hot, and not a bald headed coot who likes to smash umbrellas.
Mario lets go of the hold and gets to his knees by his wife as he cannot hide the emotions as he almost breaks down in tears, Carey is choking up blood literally. Aceldama is confused, he kneels down beside her and by her side he picks something up and literally as Bryan McVay is about to announce the new world champion, Aceldama goes over to the corner and whispers in McVay’s ear then turns around, as McVay goes onto the loudspeaker for all to hear.
Bryan McVay: Ladies and gentlemen, the referee Aceldama has informed me that Bobbinette Carey is NOT bleeding and that this match must CONTINUE
Mario jumps up outraged as he turns to Aceldama and begins to get in his face, even pushing him about, Aceldama is maintaining his calm as a hot headed Aceldama stands in front of him. He then shows to the nation of fans why the match is continuing.
A BLOOD CAPSULE.
Joe Hoffmann: The dirty cheat! Trying to cheat his way to the title.
Benny Newell: Just shows he wants it so much.
Mario is still in his face, Aceldama is instructing him to back away, but Mario is not doing so, Aceldama’s patience is wearing thin. Meanwhile Carey is getting up behind them, as she delves into her pocket and pulls out her diamond wedding ring and slips it onto her finger, ready to use it to good effect. Mario has finally taken Aceldama to the limit and Aceldama lashes out, but Mario ducks and strikes Carey across the face just as she is about to strike Mario from behind. She falls in a heep on the floor, again Aceldama does that weird head tilt at Carey this time, and Mario looks at Ace then turns around to see what he is looking at, Carey is groggy, but Carey is also cut. Mario turns around and quite sarcastically thanks him, then turns around and sees the knife on the ground and picks it up, walking over with the sadistic Michael Madsen Reservoir dogs look about him as he throws the knife from side to side, he kneels down in front of Carey, lifting her hair from her face with the knife, then stroking her skin with the blunt side, he wants a closer look at her whilst he does this. As he kneels down, she spits on him then throws an almighty push at him, he protects the cut on this face and she hits his arm and she pulls herself up by the ropes and charges at him, he falls to the ground as she jumps over him and then comes back at him and again she goes for a cross body, and again Mario grabs her, but this time lifts her up over his head, turns around and throws her back outside, amongst all the damaged wedding gifts, there is the sound of a smash.
Aceldama goes outside to inspect
He pulls away all the gifts
He notices that the mirror has yet again been smashed into smaller pieces
Mario stands at the ropes looking out with baited breath
Aceldama turns her around, then gets on his knees
He goes in for a closer look
He then raises his hand
He does a cut throat scene
The bell rings
DING DING DING!!
Mario once again falls to his knees as Carey’s face is crimson red and protruding from a wound is a piece of glass that done all the damage. This time he does begin to cry as Bryan McVay walks over to where he is and hands him the World title belt which he clutches to his chest.
Bryan McVay: Your winner in a time of 19 minutes 22 seconds…..And NEW HIGH OCTANE WORLD CHAMPION…………MARIO MAURAKO!!!
Joe Hoffmann: Holy shit he did it!
Benny Newell: Pizza lovers everywhere unite!!
Mario kneels downwards, the title in front of him, kissing it as he sits upright, a trickle of blood begins to come from his cut, just held out and nothing more but he does not care, he simply looks at the title as outside Aceldama kneels over Carey and grabs the piece of glass and prods it violently from her, the blood beginning to gush now. He picks her up like he is cradling her, then simply dumps her roughly over the middle rope as he walks away from the carnage. Mario still does not care that she is even in the ring. McVay hands him his tag titles also. He now is kneeling in the middle of the ring with THREE belts!! He throws the tag titles over both his shoulders and then stands up, holding the world title belt. He then notices Carey, standing in the corner, groggy, but visually upset.
He tries to make things better by handing her one of the tag title belts, just so she does not feel out of place as he gets to the top turnbuckle to parade both his tag and now world title!!
Joe Hoffmann: Well…..some people said he could never do it, some people say he is not of that calibre, but Mario Maurako proved all those doubters wrong tonight.
Benny Newell: Double champion, double champion!!
But then the celebrations are cut as two men storm the ring, all the while Mario is unaware and kick the groggy Carey to the ground, one snatches the tag title from her, the other, grabs Mario by the armpits and powerbombs him straight to the canvas, he then proceeds to take his tag belt too!
Joe Hoffmann: Wait a minute, I know those guys….that is…..
Benny Newell: Come on this is not a British soap here, stop with the cliffhangers!!
Joe Hoffmann: That is John Pariah and Brian Hollywood from PWX, that is the Hierarchy!!
Both men do a quick smash and grab leaving Mario with his belt draped across his chest and a bloodied Carey in the ring as they make their way to the stands with the tag belts chose to their chest as fans try to prize it from them, and as they do Pariah and Hollywood even use brute force in order to escape.
The final image is of Mario Maurako lying in the middle of the ring unconscious with the world title belt across him.
Next week on Turmoil the semi-finals of the Lee Best Invitational!
Ethan Cavanaugh vs. Griffin Faze
Scottywood vs. Simon Sparrow
Max Kael vs. Chris Kostoff
Testimony of Michael DeNucci
Joe Hoffman: Well we are back and were expecting to see the testimony of Michael DeNucci from the trial of Lee Best this morning, but I have gotten word that we are not going to see that, and instead we have another video.
Benny Newell: Did Jack Bauer get a camera in Mario and Bobbinette’s room after all?
Joe Hoffman: I doubt it, but let’s play this this video and fine out….
The HOV lights up with this mystery video as the entire coliseum turns and watches.
Mike Best: I’m not sure about this, Ulf.
Mike Best is more than a little concerned as the white towncar pulls into one of Chicago’s many rail yards. It’s about 8 o’clock in the evening, and the yard has been more or less abandoned for the day, with the CSX workers going home to their families, and no one around for miles in any direction, save the two men.
Ulf “The Embosser” Stroeheimmer: Iz no vorry, Mike. Zhere is no von here, and anyvon who should be showingk up unexpectedly vil be made most dead!
Ulf Stroeheimmer, aka The Embosser, aka Mike Best’s de facto head of security, punctuates his reassuring words by squeezing the trigger on his Uzi and firing a few rounds into the air.
Mike Best: Alright, this is it. This is the car he said he’d be in.
The two men approach a red boxcar and knock on the door. As the door slides open, Embosser gives Mike a boost into the car before lifting himself in. The men get to their feet and dust themselves off before looking around the mostly-empty car to find the man they were summoned to meet. He’s sitting on a Herman Miller Aeron chair, no doubt brought to this location from his personal collection. His face is visible to the men thanks to the light from his iPhone as he plays Skee-ball, and the two men react in shock.
Mike Best: Michael DeNucci?!
Michael DeNucci: Yep, it’s me.
Mike Best: You testified for Lee this morning! What are you doing here?
Michael DeNucci: As I was testifying, I thought about what I was saying, and I thought about what my career in HOW did to me. High Octane Wrestling cost me my wife, my family, and led me down a spiral I want to get out of once and for all, and meeting you here is my way of doing that.
Mike Best: So you’ve got something that’ll put him away?
Michael chuckles softly.
Michael DeNucci: Oh, trust me, when we’re done here tonight, Best will be out of the picture for good.
Mike Best: Great, so let’s-
The butt of Ulf’s Uzi collides with the back of Mike Best’s head at a high rate of speed, knocking the aspiring HOW owner to the ground. Ulf is there right away, delivering some efficient ground and pound as DeNucci opens the boxcar door on the other side and whistles, signaling his associates for assistance. Several hulking men dressed like they raided David Black’s closet jump into the car and take over for Ulf, pinning Mike to the ground as DeNucci and Ulf stand over him.
Michael DeNucci: Look, I know it’s your dream to get pinned down by big huge guys and all, but try not to get aroused here, Mikey, we’re doin’ business, okay?
Mike Best: Ulf? What the fuck?
Embosser: How fockingk stupid are yeu, Mike? Ulf is goingk vhere zhe money and Scheide is, and zhat is vit Mikey the Noosey.
DeNucci smirks in Best’s face as the men in black hold him down.
Michael DeNucci: You ARE pretty stupid, Mike. I mean, a rail yard at night? And then I show up? Haven’t you ever seen a fucking mob movie before? Haven’t you heard the stories? And to top it all off, you bring for security a guy I go back years and years with? You’re pretty much asking for this, and now you’re gonna get it.
Mike Best: You’re fucking going to jail for this!
Michael DeNucci: Bro, if I didn’t go to jail for the shit I did in Tijuana last summer, I’m not going to jail for this. Besides, just like I said at the trial this morning…all of this is fake! It’s all just entertainment. And tonight, you’re being written off.
DeNucci reaches into the pocket of his blazer, and pulls out an object very familiar to anyone who’s followed HOW through the years.
Michael DeNucci: Lee couldn’t be here tonight, but he asked me to give you this…
Michael takes the notorious Bottom Line pen and jams it into the eye of Mike Best as hard as he can. Best’s shrieks echo through the yard, their pitch and volume reminiscent of Eric Dane after Mike Plow runs down Defiance yet again, or Scottywood after he accidentally dips his balls in the toilet water while sitting to pee. Best tries to grab his eye, but he’s restrained by DeNucci’s associates.
Michael DeNucci: Shut the fuck up, Mike! No one’s around to hear you.
DeNucci turns to Ulf.
Michael DeNucci: I swear, I haven’t heard a high-pitched scream like that since I fucked one of those coked-up triplets in the ass while her sisters ate her out.
Joe Hoffman and Benny Newell, who had been shocked into silence up until now, take a moment to speak.
Joe Hoffman: That’s absolutely disgusting!
Benny Newell: Uhhhh…keep talking DeNucci, I’m almost there…
Joe Hoffman: Hands where I can see them, Benny!
Michael DeNucci: Mike, I’ve got a few things I want to say to you, but I know you want to be nice and comfortable while we talk. Boys, break out the Sybian From HellTM.
DeNucci’s associates quickly retrieve the device and place it on a nearby wooden box. The device is a saddle-like seat, containing an electric motor, powering a massive plastic dildo. Had they stopped there, Mike might actually enjoy the experience. However, this particular dildo is also wrapped in barbed wire. Mike starts screaming and crying as DeNucci’s crew pulls his pants down and drag him toward the device.
Michael DeNucci: That’s right, Mike. You fucked a lot of people in the ass while you were in High Octane Wrestling, and now you’re gonna be the one to get fucked!
The men force Best onto the device, the barbed-wire dildo sending waves of pain through his body as it enters him.
Michael DeNucci: Start it on slow, boys. I want him paying attention. And for God’s sake, cover his junk. Dude’s like the anti-Cavanaugh.
Team DeNucci complies with the boss’s orders, and Michael leans toward Mike.
Michael DeNucci: Mike, I want you to really think about this. Why do you think that, despite your best efforts, Lee’s been put up in the poshest digs the prison system has to offer, with unlimited phone and Twitter access, and pretty much everything a man could want? I’ll tell you why, Mike: it’s because of me! I put in the calls, I got him the hookup, and I made sure that, even if we couldn’t keep him from going to jail for the time being, we could make sure he had the tools he needed to stay in control.
DeNucci turns to his associates.
Michael DeNucci: Okay, crank it up a bit. Let’s take him for a ride.
The guys turn the Sybian From HellTM up to its medium setting, and the screams from Mike are guttural and never-ending.
Michael DeNucci: Can we tape him? I swear, I can’t hear myself think over this fucker.
DeNucci’s crew produces a roll of duct tape and expertly tapes Mike Best’s mouth shut, silencing the screams.
Michael DeNucci: Ah, that’s better. Now where was I? Oh yes…you’re a big fucking man, aren’t you Mike? You came in here acting like you were the shit, and you were gonna take over this fucking fed, all because Lee was too busy getting his dick sucked to notice what contracts he was signing? You should have fucking known you didn’t stand a chance against Lee. One or two calls, and your position was usurped completely, and by Uniball Sparrow and Maximillian Fail at that. With those guys controlling the joint, what’s left for you to do, Mike? Not a damn thing. All that’s left for you to do is take what’s coming to you. Guys, JUICE IT!
Michael’s soldiers turn the Sybian From HellTM to its maximum setting, and Mike Best’s eyes roll up into his head as the blood cascades out of his ass, dripping down all sides of the dildo. Mike struggles to break free, but DeNucci’s associates hold him firmly in place as Embosser picks up his Uzi and aims it at Best’s temple.
Michael DeNucci: See you in hell, Mike.
Ulf squeezes the trigger, and we cut to an exterior shot of the boxcar, the sound of round after round from Ulf’s favorite firearm echoing into the Chicago night. For a few moments afterward, there is only the sound of silence, finally broken by the creaking of the boxcar door sliding open and DeNucci and Embosser jumping out.
Michael DeNucci: Christ, what a mess. Clean that shit up, then get the fuck out of here.
One of DeNucci’s crew nods, and DeNucci and Ulf head to the white towncar Mike Best arrived in. Embosser takes the wheel, and DeNucci jumps in the back, breaking out his iPhone and dialing a number as he does so.
Michael DeNucci: Lee, it’s DeNucci. The job is done. I’m gonna be chilling in Spain for a while, so wire my money to the account I told you about. See ya when I see ya.
DeNucci puts his phone back in his jacket pocket, and the car takes off into the night.