Turmoil: February 18th, 2010 (2010)

Weekly Show | 120 Min

Show Transcript

Thursday Night Turmoil
February 18th, 2010 – #HOW107
Kallisten Coliseum, Chicago, IL


Setting the stage..

The HOTv logo gives way to the Turmoil logo which quickly explodes and is replaced with the toothy evil smile of one Maximillian Kael.

Kael’s image slowly fades out and is replaced with a live aerial shot of the parking lot of the Kallisten Coliseum.

We see tents set up all over the parking lot with wrestlers milling around with fans as well.

Off to the right we see a HUGE throne that has an entrance ramp coming off each side of it with the two entrances merging into one halfway down to the ring…the ramps not that long at all as the throne is close to the action.

As the aerial footage continues we see eight beat up cars organized into an octagon, obviously where the HOFC Title match will take place later tonight.

The feed then zooms into a makeshift announce table at ringside where we see a bundled up Hall of Fame announce team of Joe Hoffman and Big Buff Benny Newell, who promptly welcome everyone to the broadcast on cue.


The feed cuts to show several already drunken fans erupting into cheers. As the camera pans over the grounds surrounding the ring we see several garbage cans with various items burning on the inside.

Joe Hoffman: As you are seeing several hundred of the most loyal High Octane Fans are here for tonight’s historic show….staying warm literally by burning fires in empty garbage cans all along the High Octane grounds outside of the Kallisten Coliseum.

Benny Newell: Ahem…The Best Arena…and you gonna introduce me or what?

Joe Hoffman: Sorry partner…I am Joe Hoffman and as..

Benny Newell: ME asshole….introduce ME.

Joe Hoffman: Big Buff Benny Newell ladies and gentlemen.

Benny Newell: Ahem…

Joe just sighs before continuing…”Hall of Famer Big Buff Benny Newell…that better?”

Benny just smiles and tips his official HOW flask to the air and takes a sip.

Joe Hoffman: As you folks can see at home we are out in the elements tonight and under total rule of the Emperor of High Octane Wrestling…Maximillian Kael. We will be out here throughout the whole show and that is why Benny and I are decked out in these official black winter jackets with #970000 colored trim…of course.

Benny Newell: Of course…

Joe Hoffman: Tonight we take a break from the Lee Best Invitational and instead focus in on the debuts of several new wrestlers here to HOW and the two big title matches we have later in the show as Cool Reality will defend their Tag Team Titles against The Maurako Family and in the Main Event Christopher America will defend his HOFC Championship against the man with the mouth….Mike Plow.

Benny Newell: We all have mouths you fuckstick…Mike just uses his better than most…well at least till you get to Kirsta Lewis…..man oh man what I would do to that woman…that is one vagina I wouldn’t have to blow the dust off of…I mean Joe I would take a blow pop and hold it in my mouth and let her just sit on that fucker and ride my face like she was riding a bull at the local bar…then when she was done squirting all over my face I would throw her off me and see how many licks it took to get to the middle of the blow pop…you know what I’m saying….you know??

The camera just focuses in on the stunned face of Joe who just shakes his head as the cameras now focus to one Maximillian Kael taking a seat in the Throne as the show is officially about to start…

Joe Hoffman: Folks lets direct our attention for the first of many times this evening to the throne where in mere moments our new High Octane World Champion Bobbinette Carey will make her first appearance since winning the world title off of Aceldama.

With no HOV screen for tonight’s show, only the home viewers are treated to a replay of Bobbinette Carey’s now famous hurricanrana that sent Aceldama off the top of the steel cage and to the canvas below as Carey escaped to the outside and the final image is of Carey being awarded the World Title and her smiling thru a very bloody face.

All attention now focuses towards the throne…


An Epic Reign Begins..

Max Kael is sitting on his throne while the ramp on his left is lined with kids from the Marian Catholic High School Marching band which makes its home on the south side of Chicago, and on the opposite ramp is the Chicago Children’s Choir. The marching band starts to play immediately followed by the children’s choir who begins to sing and play “All About Us” by T.A.T.U.

They say

don’t trust





So we’ll


If we


Cause it’s you


And it’s all about

It’s all about

It’s all about us.

Two Bugatti Veyron’s and The Maurako Family Hummer pull camera range and park. Mario Maurako & Bobbinette Carey get out of the Red & Black Veyron as Matteo & Mosé get out of the Blue & Black Veyron leaving Martino to travel alone in the Hummer.

Joe Hoffman: Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to the special airing of Thursday Night Turmoil, Live from outside the Kallisten Coliseum. What you’re seeing here is the arrival of HOW World Champion Bobbinette

Carey and she’s is flanked by the disgusting Maurako Family.

Benny Newell: They’re not disgusting. Just look at the Maurako Family, they’re traveling in style these days.

Joe Hoffman: Yeah but by what questionable means did they obtain those vehicles?

Benny Newell: Who cares? I just hope I can get a ride after the show.

Mosé & Martino stay back by the cars as Mario, Bobbinette & Matteo make their way to the stage and walk past the singing Chicago Children’s choir.

It’s all about us

in you I can trust,

it’s all about us,

it’s all about us.’

The group approach the ring but King Matteo veers off and makes his way over to the Emperor Max Kael as Mario Maurako & Bobbinette Carey enter the ring. Bobbinette is handed a microphone and she walks to the center of the ring as the Choir and Band stop playing. The fans cheer as many of them are still Bobbinette Carey fans. Bobbinette raises the microphone up and it’s quickly taken away by Mario Maurako as the cheers turn into boos.

Mario Maurako: First off let me do exactly what I told Aceldama I was going to do. Ladies and Gentlemen… let’s give a warm round of applause for my future wife and your current HOW World Heavyweight Champion… Bobbinette Carey-Maurako!!!!!

The Carey friendly crowd boos at the inclusion of the Maurako name.

Mario Maurako: I’d like to take this time to say thank you to the Marian Catholic High School Band and the Chicago Children’s Choir, but your job isn’t done yet tonight kids. I was talking to Max Kael earlier tonight and he let me have those sweet parking spots over there in exchange for each and every one of your brats to stay after the show and clean up the HOW grounds.

The crowd boos and the kids don’t look happy at all knowing they have to play janitor at the end of the show.

Mario Maurako: Oh don’t cry little kiddies… I’ve arranged for you to have a special helper. Your special helper tonight will be none other then Martino! You see Martino has been complaining about not getting to work tonight, and now I think he will have all the work he needs. But let’s get on to the reason you all came here tonight.

The fans start to chant “Carey” perhaps in hopes it will stir up some memories.

Mario Maurako: Tonight is the night that I win the HOW World Heavyweight Championship! Wait, I mean the HOW Tag Team Championships.

Joe Hoffman: No, I think he had it right the first time. Ever since Bobbinette beat Aceldama for that World Title Mario’s been different.

Benny Newell: Shut up Mario’s talking!

Mario Maurako: And thanks to Bobbinette’s big win last week I won the rights to name the stipulations for tonight’s Tag Team Title match. That’s right, I said stipulations… plural. Nobody said that I couldn’t name more then one. So tonight Cool Reality will fight in this very ring in a Submission Match!

Joe Hoffman: Look at the Maurako’s trying to stack the deck in their favor. A submission match clearly favors The Maurako’s.

Mario Maurako: But then I started thinking. I wouldn’t put it past Scottywood and Cancer to purposely get themselves Disqualified and cost me my last chance at the HOW World Title- I mean Tag Team Titles. So tonight Scottywood… listen carefully. Tonight and only tonight the Tag Team Titles WILL change hands via submission or disqualification!

Joe Hoffman: Oh God, how much more stacked can Mario make this match?

Benny Newell: What are you talking about? That sounds like a fair plan to me. It wouldn’t be fair if Scottywood purposely got himself DQ’ed to hold onto his belts now would it?

Joe Hoffman: No, I suppose not.

Mario Maurako: With these two stipulations intact I can almost guarantee you that when The Maurako Family shows up here again next week, we will be not only carrying the HOW World Heavyweight Championship but also the HOW Tag Team Championships as well. Making us without a shadow of a doubt the greatest group to EVER grace a HOW ring. And then live right here next week you will witness me,

Mario Maurako join Bobbinette Carey in wedded bliss just solidifying The Maurako Family name for all of eternity.

The fans boo wildly.

Mario Maurako: Aww you guys don’t like that? Well there isn’t a damn thing that any of you fans, or anyone of the guys in the back, or like the two guys in the Kallisten Coliseum can do about it.

Joe Hoffman: Yeah but I think Mario is forgetting the fact that Bobbinette Carey is defending her HOW Championship next week. The rumors have been all over the internet but nobody knows the identity of her opponent.

Benny Newell: I think somebody is up to something. Why should a woman have to defend her title on her Wedding Day of all times?

Joe Hoffman: That’s a good point, it certainly is questionable timing.

Benny Newell: Too bad the title was under 24 hour rules. Because I could guarantee that Mario would win it on the honeymoon when he pins her!

Mario Maurako: This brings me to our last piece of business tonight, this so called mystery opponent for my Carey-Bear next week. There is a good reason why their identity hasn’t been revealed yet, and that’s because if we knew who it was right now, I would guarantee that they wouldn’t make it back to the Coliseum next week. This is my Title and it means the world to me!

Bobbinette Carey: Excuse me?

Mario Maurako: What? I said the title means a lot to you does it not?

Bobbinette Carey: No you said it meant a lot to you.

Mario Maurako: Well if I did, I apologize for misspeaking again. You know what I meant to say my little Carey-Bear. But regardless it doesn’t matter what HOW superstar they put in the ring with my Bobbinette Carey-Maurako she will mow them down. Let it be Ace, someone dig up Shane Reynolds, bring in Triple P, you could even bring in Crow who’s been hiding in his attic for almost a year now, the result will be the same no matter the opponent. Next week when it’s all said and done you’ll hear the phrase “Here is your winner and STILL HOW Heavyweight Champion… BOBBINETTE CAREY-MAURAKO!”.

The action cuts away to our first commercial break as we see a final image of the engaged couple smiling and waving to the fans..


MVW Alum and HOW LSD Champion, Dawn McGill is in action next!!


Vince Jones vs. Dawn McGill
Singles Match

Back live from break and the feed switches to a cameraman who is walking around the ring, showcasing to the folks at home just how old this rental ring is, and how the ring ropes are literally…ropes.

The fans surrounding the ring are huddled near their fires and personal heaters as Bryan McVay stands in the center of the old ring and is set to introduce the wrestlers for the opening match.

Bryan McVay: Ladies and gentlemen this is your opening match of the evening. Already in the ring, hailing from New York City….standing at six feet seven inches and weighing in at 269lbs…making his High Octane Debut…..”The Violence” Viiiiiinnnnccceeee JOOOOOOONNNNNNNESSSS!!!

The camera focuses in on the big black man in the middle of the ring and the crowd gives him as warm as a welcome they will allow themselves to give to an unknown.

The focus now shifts to the throne where Maximillian Kael is sitting..already looking bored…as suddenly the LSD Champion Dawn McGill makes her way out from the huge tent behind the throne and makes her way down the entrance ramp as Sabotage by the Beastie Boys pumps thru the make shift PA system that has been set up near the throne.

Joe Hoffman: Well here comes the LSD Champion Dawn McGill and it appears she is bringing a Singapore cane down to the ring with her?

The roaming cameraman follows the champion as she starts down the makeshift ramp.

Bryan McVay: Making her way down to the ring now is the reigning LSD Champion…..standing six feet two inches and weighing in at 173 lbs……DAWN MCGIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL!!!

The crowd cheers loudly for the LSD Champion as she heads down towards the ring.

Joe Hoffman: Seeing as McGill is from Morenci Michigan…its obvious the cold will not hurt her at all as she is literally wearing the same ring attire she would wear inside the Coliseum which is just ..

Benny Newell: Fucking STUIPD!

Joe Hoffman: All I can say to that is thank god for these little heaters we have or else I would have to resort to taking a swig off your flask there ol Benny ol pal..

Benny stares at Joe as if he just drank the last ounce of liquor on the face of the earth.

Benny Newell: You had ENOUGH last week during that Carey debacle…focus on the match Norm..

Back towards the ring we see McGill prop her cane up against the ring on the outside as she climbs in under the ring rope…yes literal rope….and referee Joel Hortega signals for the bell and we are underway.

Jones, having a full 5 inch height advantage, smiles down at McGill as they stare at each other in the ring before Jones slowly backs up and smiles and while nodding his head, begins to circle the LSD Champion before finally locking up.

Jones quickly gains the upper hand on pure strength alone as he pushes McGill all the way to the turnbuckle and when Hortega signals for a clean break Jones backs up slowly and executes the break much to the surprise of Joe who puts over the fact that Jones used to fight in underground matches before breaking into wrestling.

Back in the ring the two wrestlers once again tie up and once again Jones backs McGill all the way to the turnbuckle where once again Hortega signals for a clean break.

Jones takes a step back with his arms raised but this time snaps a right hook right into the jaw of McGill, dropping the LSD Champion to her ass as she holds her jaw in pain as Jones begins to put the boots to her as the crowd begins to boo the HOW newcomer.

VJ stays on the offensive with several stomps to the midsection of the LSD Champion before bringing her to her feet and then setting up and executing a hangman’s chokehold in the corner as Joe notes that Vince calls that move Street Dreams.

Jones finally lets go and the action moves to the outside where McGill finally is able to go on the offensive as she ducks under a running clothesline and nails the bigger man with an impressive spinning heel kick.

The Champion takes a few moments to gather herself before rolling Jones back into the ring where she quickly nails him with several leg kicks and then sends the bigger man down with a sidesweep and quick cover for a DOS count from Hortega.

Joe and Benny argue about the validity of McGill’s martial arts training as she stays on the offensive for a few more minutes before Jones catches her and nails her with a desperation Sidewalk Slam.

The former street fighter then mounts the woman and begins nailing her with rights and lefts as Hortega pleads for him to stop and the crowd continues to boo until Jones finally relents before getting DQ’ed.

As Jones argues with Hortega, McGill staggers to her feet and jumps on the back of the man and locks in her Katahajime submission hold as Joe puts over the Tazzmission like move.

The crowd is cheering as Jones drops to a knee and McGill quickly wraps her legs around the man to lock in an added body scissors to the move.

Just as Jones is about to fade out he is able to grab McGill by the hair and literally pulls her by her hair until she lets go of the hold and Jones stands back up and with McGill still on his back and backpedals until he slams her hard into the old turnbuckles forcing her to fully let go of the hold as Joe calls Jones a coward for pulling the hair of the woman.

Jones quickly turns and executes a sloppy release German suplex and the cameras focus in on the man as he is gasping to gain his breath, which is much harder to do in the cold air, as McGill holds her back in pain in the middle of the ring.

Then with a smile, Jones climbs to the top turnbuckle and perches himself on there as he waits for McGill to get up.

The crowd is yelling at McGill to watch out but all their voices are muffled thru scarves, hoods, and other attire to keep them warm, and as McGill turns towards Jones the big man leaps and nails McGill with a wicked clothesline from the top.

The ring literally bounces and shakes with the impact of the move and as Joe puts over the name of that move, The Neck Cutta, Jones makes the cover and Hortega makes the count…





Breathing hard, Jones stands up and has his arm raised by Hortega…

Joe Hoffman: He may have gotten the win but I seriously question the tactics used in this match.

Benny Newell: A win is a fucking win Joe….deal with it and tell the bitch to cut her hair?

Joe can only shake his head as the action cuts away as we see Jones making his way back up the makeshift ramp.


Der Austand

As the dust settles on the first matchup of the night a commotion is heard in the distance. The crowd that has gathered around the old antique ring turn around to see what is happening. A large hummer truck has parked up alongside the entrance to the parking lot, and as no cars are allowed in of all nights due to the event it stops. A man dressed in a black bomber jacket, sporting black sunglasses even though it is the middle of the night, gets out of the driver’s seat of the car and quickly makes his way to the back passenger’s door, opening it up. Two men get out; none of them are recognisable to any of the crowd. They too are wearing all black, black bomber jackets, black jeans, black sunglasses, but the significant difference to the driver is they are both completely bald. One of them holds a briefcase. They speak to one another, in what seems to be a foreign language, then they instruct someone else to get out of the car. Stepping out into the cold air a figure comes out and stands in the pavement, his face covered by a hood, he keeps his face downwards. The two men lead the way as the yet unknown man struts with purpose behind them.

The two men in front seem hell bent on getting to the ring as fans try to catch a glimpse of the unknown man, trying to pull his hood down, but the two men quickly, and with a LOT of force, push all limbs away from the man. They reach the ring as one of the men goes over to the ringside table that has been set up and demands a microphone, when he is refused he simply snatches one and for good measure smacks the ring announcer across the left cheek. The fans begin to boo as the three men now stand in the ring, the unknown man in the centre, head down. The man with the microphone tries to talk, but the boos are too loud from the gathering of people, he gets agitated!

Man– You will shut the hell up now!

The boos get louder, but regardless he carries on with what he has to say

Man– I guess you will not give me my moment to say what needs to be said, so…..

He turns to the unknown man and speaks in German

Man– Macht es jetzt (translated: DO IT NOW)

The man heeds the order and still looking down; he pulls up his hood to reveal…..the former High Octane Champion Aceldama, but, not as many will remember him.

Joe Hoffmann– What the? That is Aceldama all right, but it is not as well.

Benny Newell– Ok it is too early in the evening to be doing all this confusing shit on me, is it or isn’t it Aceldama?

Joe Hoffmann– It is, but….where is his tattoo? Where is his piercings? He looks so different, his hair.

What Joe is talking about is, that it seems the tattoo he had sporting below his mouth has been surgically removed, only a minor scar remains, his piercings are all gone and his hair is a lighter shade of brown, not jet black. The crowd begin to cheer as they see their favourite return.

Joe Hoffmann– It has been a week since ANYBODY has heard of Aceldama.

Man– Look at you, how you cheer him nothing but….crocodile cheers; you care nothing for this man. After all he brought to you, to this company, and for what? For this!…..

The other bald headed man walks over to him, and opens up the briefcase lifting out what seems to be transcripts. He begins to read some of them.

Man– You see, you response to him is somewhat surprising to me, because I have here transcripts from a High Octane fan site that show another story. Typical Americans, show the front on the outside that everything is ok, doing the right thing, supporting your man, but on the inside, a different story emerges….

He takes the first transcript and begins to read it.

I am glad that Aceldama lost the title, he held it too long anyways”

He then takes another and proceeds to read it too.

Aceldama is old and done; he should retire now and save himself further embarrassment”

As the man stops we see Aceldama with head down, he is literally foaming at the mouth with rage!

Man– But that is not it, that is not the most damning of replies, the next ones show what a sorry nation you all truly are, your true colours were seen in these ones….

I am happy Carey won the title, that dirty kraut had it coming”

Followed by

Bout time. This is America; we don’t want a German holding our biggest title”

Aceldama’s veins are literally ready to burst, but still he remains in the same spot, head down, grinding his teeth, not saying a thing.

Man– THIS is the true face of America. On the outside all embracing with open arms, but you get in too far, actually become something that is all too much for you. To see, the dominance this man, a German man, has put upon his federation, it scares you, it intimidates you. And you did not like it one little bit. Bobbinette Carey, Max Kael, Christopher America, Dawn McGill, Cool Reality….what links them all? Yes they are the champions, but they are also AMERICAN! Is there not other nations within this federation no? Where are their opportunities? Where are their voices?….ha….I am sorry, how rude of me, I have been speaking all this time, I have totally forgot to introduce myself, I am Victor Versha, and over the past week myself and my ‘men’ have took it upon ourselves to ‘re-educate’ Wolfgang on a number of matters. I think it is time for him to have his say, I know he has been really patient, and he has a LOT to say, I think you might want to listen.

Aceldama is handed the microphone as he literally snatches it from the hands of Victor and for the first time he lifts his head, his breath from his nose and mouth visible in front of him like steam.

Aceldama– Your words do not surprise me. Just like the actions of those in power. Just like your government they listen to those with the most influence, even though their IQ combined would not even fathom that of a four year old. They listened to you, and you got what you wanted. A conspiracy has been done against me. You wanted an American champion; you got your American champion. I know all about it, I know everything behind it, so much so that Mike Best had me sent away, packed off to Germany against my own accord, but seeing he is not here….I shall continue. The ratings were falling, fans growing tired of the ever dominant GERMAN champion throwing away all competition, something must be done. I was FORCED to give up my title, FORCED into a match in a stipulation that I did not agree to at a time that did not suit, but they already knew this, and it was perfect opportunity, to bring in the American champion.

Aceldama notices a small boy in the front row of the gathering crowd; he has put a large American flag above his head and stands proudly looking into the pulsating eyes of Aceldama, who stares back menacingly.

Aceldama– You entice your children to show patriotism, wave a flag high, set off some fireworks, then when they turn eighteen, stick them in a plane and hand them a gun. Poor child doesn’t even know that is his future yet, probably doesn’t even know the national anthem, wouldn’t blame him as it is not him but his country that lets him down. This country, this country I thought was home, is nothing to me. I have no past here, none I want to remember anyways.

Who can show pride in a country that has debt in the billions, but still it spends? And how does it solve the problem, just take out another loan. Unemployment at an all time low, a president who has made his promises, but yet….has he delivered. But worst of all…..you get involved in places you have no right to be and you think their will be no retribution?

Well tonight, that retribution will begin. I am SICK of the American dominance in this federation, I am SICK of the prejudice I have suffered due to my heritage and I am SICK of the way this company is run, tonight a movement begins, der austand, and it will bring the very core of this federation to its knees.

My message to those in the back, those who have felt oppressed by this American monopoly, stand up against me, denounce your American roots, if any and lets go against everything that makes this country so benevolent. Anybody who has forgotten their own heritage, where they come from, to embrace this American culture, you will be punished, you have sold your soul to something more evil than any devil and you will get what you deserve in time.

Let the uprising begin! Der Austand!

As for any rematch clause, I don’t intend to use it. My intentions are not getting back any title, but bringing anarchy down to the very core, so fellow brothers in the back, you no longer need to be oppressed, join me and let’s bring down the American scum once and for all!!….

Aceldama and the two men leave the ring and Aceldama immediately halts, surrounded by a barrage of heckles and boos, some brave men are even trying to jump the barricades set up outside as they are obviously very enraged by Aceldama’s words about their own country. Aceldama actually stands for a moment and ENCOURAGES the men to come over the barracades, but security holds them back, until one man, a large man, very slender build, manages to wriggle free. Aceldama simply cracks his knuckles and when the man charges he flattens him with a swift right fist, which sends him to the ground in a heap. This causes mass carnage as chairs and anything that can come to hand begin to be thrown in his direction. All the while, the same child as before stands above his fathers shoulders with the American flag held high. Aceldama goes over to him, smiling he rustles the boys blonde hair then swipes the American flag off him. Walking over to the body of the man he flattened he stands over him, then proceeds to RIP the flag in half and let it fall over his lifeless body, then spits on it for good measure. He laughs a moment, then the two men behind him fear for his safety and try to get him out of the area as all sorts of debris fly in his direction. He finally agrees as they push ruggedly through the crowd and back to the hummer as they get in and speed away from the parking lot area.

Joe Hoffmann- Well, I am simply stunned at what I have seen. Aceldama not only turning his back on the fans, but turning his back on America! Denouncing any link at all to them he plans to start an uprising against what he deems is an ‘American dominance’ here in High Octane Wrestling, even claiming a conspiracy against him for losing his title! This man has been brainwashed, no two ways about it.

Benny Newell- He makes me so angry, so mad, I just want to go punch a Doberman!

Joe Hoffmann– Why on earth would you want to do that?

Benny Newell– I don’t know! Anger has masked my ability to speak properly, cause they are German maybe? I don’t know! God, what a bastard….

The action cuts away..


Brotherly Love

As the scene transitions, the Turmoil viewing audience is treated to a Replay package of the events from last week between the Faze brothers of Alpha Beta Slam:

Joe Hoffman: Folks, what you just witnessed is a tremendous display of heart from both of the Faze brothers; from Ryan for returning from injury like he did and his brother Griffin for stepping up and leading his team to this victory!

The cameras focus in on Griffin, who hopes down from the turnbuckle and spins around toward the center of the ring. Much to his surprise, he bumps into Ryan, who had been standing in his path with a stern, cold expression written over his face.

Before Griffin can even step back, Ryan knees him in the midsection and forces his brother into the Killswitch position, prompting everyone in the Kallisten Coliseum, Joe and Benny included, to gasp in bewilderment.


Joe Hoffman: This cannot be happening! God, no! Ryan Faze just turned on his identical twin brother! Tell me this is only a dream!

The High Octane production team turns the package to slow motion as it fades out, using an echo effect on Joe Hoffman’s closing word “dream” as we return to the antique ring LIVE outside of the Kallisten Coliseum.

Joe Hoffman: Well folks, after all that went down between the Faze brothers last week here on Turmoil, it is now time for Griffin Faze to address his brother Ryan, as it was rumored to happen earlier today on HOWrestling.com.

Benny Newell: You know what they should do, Joe?

Joe Hoffman: What’s that, Buff?

Benny Newell: Go on Springer… JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY! DRINK!!

Joe Hoffman: Ooooo-kay. Anyways, here is Griffin Faze, standing by with us in the ring.

The cameras zoom in on the talented rookie, who is already equipped with a microphone bearing the Maxipotamian logo. Dressed in layers because of the weather, Griffin presents a casual attire of a green March 2 Glory t-shirt under a black leather coat and custom designed blue jeans as he brings the microphone to his lips. If one thing was evident, it’s that Griffin is not happy.

Griffin Faze: RYAN!!!

The fans at ringside that were brave enough to confront the cold Chicago temperatures begin to boo upon the mere mention of the “Phenomenal One”.

Griffin Faze: I know you can hear me, so listen up… and listen up good. What you did last week wa- … – sim- … cus- …


Benny Newell: Ahhhhhh! My ears!!!

Joe Hoffman: I apologize, ladies and gentlemen. It appears we are having some technical difficulties with the ringside equipment, which could quite possibly be a result of how cold it is out here.

Benny Newell: Which reminds me… are you wearing ear muffs? Sorry Joe, but since when did you pay a visit to Mike Best’s wardrobe closet?

Griffin tries to bring life back into the microphone by banging his palm on its tip of its head, but to no avail. Confused, he looks to Emperor Kael sitting on his throne and then to a Maxipotamian ring attendant for a back up mic, but all he receives are shrugs.

Joe Hoffman: Bear with us folks as we try to get things sorted out here on Turmoil. Ah, there we go! It looks like they’re bringing him a back-up microphone now.

The cameras focus in on a shaggy-looking man wearing a Maxipotamian baseball cap that approaches the ring with a new microphone. He hands it to Griffin, who reaches down from over the ropes and turns back to address his brother.

Griffin Faze: Testing… hello? Alright, as I was say-…

Joe Hoffman: Hey! What the hell is this?!?

Just as Griffin turns around, the shaggy-looking man trips him up from behind and slides him out of the ring.

Benny Newell: It’s Ryan Faze! He’s here to put his brother away for good!

Surprised and caught off-guard, Griffin is spun around by his twin brother who reveals himself by removing his cap and disguise. Ryan charges at Griffin with an attempted lariat, but perhaps waits a second too long as Griff ducks under and reaches behind and delivers a Neckbreaker onto the pavement!

The fans at ringside roar with cheers as Griff mounts the “Phenomenal One” and delivers a fury of right fists, right between Ryan’s eyes!

Joe Hoffman: Well whatever Ryan had in store tonight for his brother backfired as it’s now GriffinFaze exacting some sought-after revenge after his brother turned on him last week!

Relentless in his assault, Griffin pounds wildly on his brother until he produces a deep gash on his forehead; his blood spattering with every punch Griffin delivers.

Benny Newell: Ryan’s busted open! DRINK!

Finally, security guards step in and restrain Griffin Faze, who slides back into the ring to retrieve the working microphone while High Octane medics tend to Ryan.

Griffin Faze: Get up, bitch! What’s the matter, Ry? Couldn’t handle the fact that I was becoming thereal “Faze of HOW”? That just might be better than you when it comes to competing in this ring?

The crowd cheers in agreement with Griff as the medics continue to patch up the “Phenomenal One”.

Griffin Faze: Ryan, if you wanted to advance in the Invitational so badly, then you shouldn’t haveearned the right like I have instead of wasting your life getting fucked up all the time! You know, it’s kind of sad how pathetic you’ve become. You were once the face of this company, adored by millions of fans no matter how you performed in this ring. You were a role model to the children of HOW… KIDS, Ryan who look at you now and wonder why their hero always looks tired…

It’s at this point where Ryan is helped to his feet by two of the paramedics, who hastily put the final touches on their bandage job on Ryan’s forehead. He looks up to Griffin in the ring and slides in, holding his head in pain.

Griffin Faze: What are you gonna do, Ry? You know that the last thing I’m going to do is let you advance to the next round of the Invitational… so if I were you, I’d take a-

Joe Hoffman: Lookout! We’ve got ourselves another brawl on our hands!

Again, Ryan charges Griffin and this time connects with a spear that takes him down to the canvas. They trades punches back and forth, rolling about the ring as the fans cheer the impromptu fight.

Joe Hoffman: Both of the Faze brothers are hell-bent on advancing to the next round of the Best Invitational Tournament… but which one will move on?!? How will they decide?!?

Benny Newell: I could really care less, Joe. What I’m trying to figure out right now is who the fuck manufactured this piece of shit space heater. I feel like my cock is about to fall off and it isn’t doing jack! Ah! Speaking of Jack… DRINK!

The Faze brothers continue to brawl with each other, having taken to the outside and through the crowd into the HOW Grounds amongst fans and security guards that are desperately trying to separate them.

Joe Hoffman: Folks, as my partner and I are busy trying to find a way to warm up, please take a word from our sponsors as we take you to yet another commercial break Don’t go away, because a battle of former rivals is coming up next here on Thursday Night Turmoil! We’ll be right back


Stay warm tonight by masterbating to these lovely ladies


David Black vs. Static
Singles Match

Back live on Turmoil, David Black is seen leaning against the corner turnbuckle of the antique ring while Referee Matt Boettcher, dressed in several layers under his High Octane referee garb, dutifully checks him for weapons.

Joe Hoffman: Welcome back Ladies and Gentlemen, and as you can see, we’re about to get started with our second match of the evening; a match that has a lot of history between its two competitors.

Suddenly, Static appears out from the left side of Emperor Kael’s throne and begins making his way to the ring with his baseball bat ‘Shirley’ suitably in his possession.

Joe Hoffman: David Black and Static are both former LSD champions here in HOW and are no strangers to each other in the ring, as tonight will be the fourth time they’ll face off with each other over the course of this past year or so…

Benny Newell: Which means this will be the third time they’ll both need blood transfusions? Can you say House of Mirrors match, anyone? Shit… I’ll drink to that!

Joe Hoffman: That’s a great point, Benny. Static and Black have really torn each other apart in meeting’s past and to think that they don’t have the potential do the same here tonight would be a big mistake, especially given the environment in which they’ll be competing.

Static stops short of the ring and takes in his surroundings, smirking at the potential damage he could inflict. He takes a moment to admire his baseball bat, which unfortunately is cut short by Boettcher ordering him to discard the lumber.

Benny Newell: Oh, come on Boettch! Let him use it! It’s not like its dangerous or anything.

Joe Hoffman: Wow, this cold must really be getting to you if you think Static should be allowed to use Shirley. As if the ring itself wasn’t enough of a hazard!

Benny Newell: Exactly, Joe! The more physical punishment these two endure the better. I want my fucking price of admission if I’m gonna sit here and freeze my nuts off all night. You’d think they’d give us some better space heaters…

Joe Hoffman: Well, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t getting a little cold myself. You have to wonder how the elements will affect these two in this match… and every match tonight, for that matter.

Now in the ring, Static seems rather comfortable in the cold whereas David Black paces and struggles to stay warm. After a quick check for additional weapons on Static, Boettcher gives the signal that this match is now underway.

Static and Black circle each other at the outset, neither of them wanting to give the other an opening as they know – being veterans of the squared circle – how an early advantage can dictate the pace and control of the match. They carefully stalk each other, teasing several tie-ups in the center of the ring before backing down each time.


Joe Hoffman: The crowd here outside of the Kallisten Coliseum is showing their frustration at the lack of action thus far. Neither man is a fan favorite, but you’ve got to sympathize with the fact that the fans still have three matches to go after this one and may already be becoming restless.

Benny Newell: I’m glad I’m well stocked tonight, otherwise I’d say ‘fuck it’ and tell Max to shove the cold up his ass. For Christ’s sake, I’m missing Midget Transvestite Whore Night at the Crazy Horse Too for this!

As Joe raises an eyebrow at Benny, Referee Matt Boettcher tries to force the action inside the ring. Unfortunately, Black and Static ignore him and continue circle each other. The fans begin throwing trash inside the ring for their lack of efforts and Static is even hit with a water bottle, the contents of which are full. Furious, Static turns to admonish the fan that hit him and Black uses this as his opening, clobbering Static upside the back of his head.

Static crumples to the mat, wincing in pain as he tries to shield himself from Black’s assault, but David is relentless with his boot and stomps away at any part of Static’s body he can connect with. Static desperately crawls toward the ropes, forcing Boettcher to step between the two upon reaching them.

Joe Hoffman: Well, Black doesn’t want to let up here and I can’t say I blame him as the “Wrecking Ball” is as dangerous as it comes thanks to his volatile mental state. We all saw what kind of condition he left Mike Best and several others in last week and you can bet on the fact that he wants to inflict the same amount of pain to David Black here t-t-tonight.

A stutter in the HOW Hall of Famer’s voice is a testament to how cold it is outside. Moreover, the redness of Static’s skin is indicative of how painful and effective a simple punch can be. Having been allowed by Matt Boettcher, the former LSD champion uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet. In doing this, Black charges at him in hopes of sending his opponent over the top rope.

Benny Newell: Ha ha! Nobody home!

Static ducks under the Clothesline attempt, which instead sends Black over the rope in his place.

Joe Hoffman: No! Black hung on! He’s hanging on the top rope!

Static notices this and tries to loosen Black’s grip on the ropes, but unexpectedly, the rope snaps at the post and forces BOTH men to fall to the outside. This prompts a chuckle from Emperor Kael, who is basking under his own space heaters in watching the match on his throne.

Joe Hoffman: By God, the rope snapped! Let’s see if we can get a replay of that as this fight has now taken to the outside… ahem… the ring, that is.

Benny Newell: Well, duh! DRINK!

The replay is shown as Black and Static slowly recover. Once to their feet, they begin trading vicious blows with each other. After a good 30 seconds of back and forth, Static counters a punch from Black and shifts the momentum in his favor, staggering him backwards with a return punch of his own.

Benny Newell: Whoa, look out!

Using the momentum, Static charges forward and Gores David Black into the steel ring steps!

Joe Hoffman: Dead-End Spear!

Static roars after the execution this move and ignores Boettcher’s demands to bring the match back inside the ring. Intent on punishing the former longest tenured LSD champion, Static exposes the concrete pavement by pulling aside a portion of a rather shoddy-looking mat that had been laid out around the ring to “cushion” harsh landings.

Joe Hoffman: Things aren’t looking good for Black… it looks like Static’s calling for the Collateral Damage right here!

Clueless as to Static’s exposure of the concrete, David is able to fight out of the Tombstone set-up and instead sends Static overhead with a Back Body Drop.

Benny Newell: Static lands hard onto the cement!

Joe Hoffman: Desperation move by David Black that ends up working out to his advantage after Static exposed the concrete!

With Boettcher close to counting both men out, David rolls back into the ring and out again to break it. Still in a bit of pain from the spear, he takes a moment to recover before retrieving Static and sliding him back into the ring. David slides in right after him and makes the cover, for which Static kicks out after 2.

Joe Hoffman: Near fall by David Black!

Back to his feet, Black scoops slams Static and hooks the leg again, but Static kicks out once more prompting David to begin arguing with the referee.

Benny Newell: Give ’em hell Black! Better yet, give him the Blackout!

Joe Hoffman: Stop it Benny, Referee Matt Boettcher has been nothing but consistent in calling this match.

Fortunately for Static, Black’s argument lasted just long enough to give him enough time to recover and shake off the cob webs. As Black turns back to face his opponent, Static catches him by the throat and lifts him high into the air.

Joe Hoffman: Outcast Injection!

Benny Newell: THANK GOD! This one’s over!

A successful 3-count by Matt Boettcher prompts the fans at ringside to erupt in a chorus of boos.


Joe Hoffman: HUGE victory for the “Wrecking Ball of HOW” in what can surely be considered as an upset over the former LSD champion. You’ve got to believe that gives him a step in the right direction in earning an LSD title shot. Wait a second… no! C’mon! What is this? The match is over!

Benny Newell: Will you shut the fuck up, Joe?!? Clearly, David Black has a date with Shirley that Static simply doesn’t want to miss out on.

Sure enough, Static had slipped out of the ring to retrieve his weapon of choice and is now standing over fallen opponent with the baseball bat firmly in his grasp.

Joe Hoffman: Don’t do it, Guy!

Static doesn’t listen.

The repeated and brutal assault of David Black begins with a vicious shot to Black’s mid-section, prompting paramedics to storm to ringside after several repeated shots.

Joe Hoffman: For the second straight week, Guy “Static” Stephens has torn through HOW, right to its very core in taking out the longest reigning LSD champion!

Benny Newell: And look at Max! He loves every minute of this!

Joe Hoffman: Yeah, maybe because this means one less challenger to his ICON title!

Maxipotamian security guards and loyals are held off by the Emperor of HOW, who appears to be enjoying the “show” while sitting comfortably on his throne.

Despite the fact that David begins coughing up a considerable amount of blood, that doesn’t stop the “Wrecking Ball” from continuing his assault amidst fighting off a flock of paramedics. Static’s rage and insanity is evident as his count for nailing Black with the bat nears 20… then 30… then 40; all the while he continues to fight off anyone and everyone that tries to come to David’s aid.

Joe Hoffman: Guy Stephens is a man possessed! Folks, David Black could be seriously injured right here…

Sirens are heard, forcing a smile to Static’s face at the sight of the ambulance that eventually finds its way onto the High Octane grounds.

Benny Newell: First Mike Best and now Black?!? Static is NOT somebody you want to cross paths with at the moment. Look at him… he’s exhausted from all that swinging. Someone get the man a drink for Christ’s sake!

Breathing heavily, Static examines the destruction he just caused and seethes through his teeth, intent on causing more before ultimately deciding to slide out of the ring.

Joe Hoffman: You want to get him a drink? After he could have very well ended David Black’s career?!? I swear, sometimes I’m ashamed to call you my broadcast partner…

Benny Newell: Hall of FAME broadcast partner, Joe. Get it right… fucker.

We can see Joe’s breath as he sighs into the cold, all the while Black is being loaded into the back of an ambulance, violently coughing up serious amounts of blood.


Explosive Rematch

Joe Hoffman: Well I hope David Black is ok, but that was a hell of a match, and you can only find that kind of entertainment in one place, and that’s here…in High Octane Wrestling!

Benny Newell: Actually you’re wrong, one time I was in Thailand and…

Before Benny can finish his sentence the lights dim down, an array of white spotlights shower the fans as they anticipate the next chapter of tonights red hot Thursday Night Turmoil. Suddenly “Underdog” by British band Kasabian begins to resonate through the make shift outdoor PA system, an unfamiliar song to many which draws the look of confusion upon the thousands of fans faces in attendance tonight.

Joe Hoffman: Well who could this be? I can’t say I’ve heard this before. Oh wait! look! it’s Marcus Reinhardt. Fresh off his attack on ‘The Explosive One’ Mark O’Neal last week I’m sure he’s out here to answer the questions that most fans want answering.

Reinhardt slowly makes his way out. Wearing his trademark, black and gold trunks and his black fighting gloves Reinhardt shadow boxes on the spot, taking in the occasion and living the roar of approval the fans give him upon his return to HOW. He looks either way taking in the moment, acknowledging the fans appreciation before raising both arms in the air, fists clenched and letting out a fierce roar of his own. He lowers both arms and, head bowed, he makes his way down to the ring.

Joe Hoffman: He may have been away for a while but the loyal fans of HOW still show their apprecitation to one of the biggest underdogs in HOW history, The Doberman, Marcus Reinhardt.

Benny Newell: Who?

Joe Hoffman: I told you last week.

Benny Newell: Who?

Joe Hoffman: Drink?

Benny Newell: DRINK!

Reinhardt makes his way up the steel stairs, still staring out into the crowd, his face emotionless, his demeanour distinctly aggressive. He makes his way under the top rope and walks straight across to the other side of the ring, picking up a microphone that lay on the mat. He turns around and takes a deep breath, the occasion obviously hitting a soft spot with The Doberman. He raises the mic towards his mouth and begins to speak.

Reinhardt: Ladies and gentlemen…

Reinhardt lowers his microphone as a dull cheer emerges from the crowd.

Reinhardt: I’ve never been a man of many words so I’ll keep this short and sweet. Last week…

The crowd cheers once again, a small contingent of the crowd begin a ‘Let’s go Reinhardt’ chant which quickly dies down.

Reinhardt: Last week you saw me, uncharacteristically, attack the man that put me out of commission last October at Rumble At The Rock. I took that brick out of his hand and struck him in the head with it before smashing my boot into his skull time after time after time.

Another ‘Let’s go Reinhardt’ chant begins to surface, this time louder than before but again quickly dies down before it can catch on.

Reinhardt: I had a reason…my god I had a reason, if I had my own way that night I would have ended it all for the so called ‘Explosive One’

Clenching his fist a wave of emotion sweeps over Reinhardt. Snarling annd turning red in the face he looks toward the backstage area, pointing in the same direction.

Reinhardt: O’NEAAAAAAL!!! YOU KILLED DON CARTER! If it wasn’t for you, he’d be alive today. My mentor, my best friend, the man who became a father like figure to me, you killed him!

Joe Hoffman: Powerful words there from Reinhardt but what exactly does he mean? Anybody who’s anybody in the wrestling business knows ‘Devious’ Don Carter died of a heart attack shortly after Rumble At The Rock, of which Mark O’Neal had no part in the cause.

Back to the ring and we see Reinhardt take another deep breath before continuing his rant.

Reinhardt: For four months now I’ve waited, waited in the shadows for the opportunity to exact my revenge on you and finally the time has arrived. Last week I barely scratched the surface of what I have planned for you. You may have schooled me in our last encounter but I assure you, that was, on my behalf, a fatal mistake…

Reinhardt begins to pace the ring, the anger in his face and voice intensifying as he continues.

Reinhardt: Do you know what I’ve had to put up with these last few months? It’s been nothing short of hell. To-and-fro my mind’s been asking questions I’ve had only one answer for…destroy Mark O’Neal. So when I gained the unexpected opportunity to make a return here in HOW I made it my first priority to settle a score and here it is…March 2 Glory, me, you, one ring, one man leaves victorious. Unlike you, I’m no murderer, all I want is one shot, that’s all I need Mark. One shot to tear you limb from limb, make you scream in agony, make you wish you’d never crossed my path. What do you say Mark?

Reinhardt paces the ring, becoming increasingly impatient the speed of his pacing picks up, his breathing becoming heavier and heavier.

Reinhardt: Come on Mark, are you chicken?

Still nothing. Reinhardt stops his march and grasps the top rope leaning over it with the mic at his mouth, shaking with rage as his face turns blood red.


The crowd begin to get right behind Reinhardt, ‘Do-ber-man’ now in full swing right around the crowd. No sooner as the chant begins to hit its peak it quickly dies down in favour of considerable boos as the words POWER. INTENSITY. DESTRUCTION. flash upon the makeshift screen. 3 explosions give way to the familiar tune of “Give it away” by The Red Hot Chilli Peppers as Mark O’Neal finally makes his way out, microphone in hand, to answer Reinhardts calls.

O’Neal, sporting a band aid across the top left of his forehead where Reinhardt hit him with the brick last week absorbs the boos smirking in the process. The music dies down as O’Neal points in Reinhardts direction lifting his mic towards his mouth.

O’Neal: Who the hell do you think you are?

The chrous of boos loudens as O’Neal looks out into the crowd with bemusement.

O’Neal: Shut the fuck up…

Again the boos become louder, O’Neal shrugging them off as if they weren’t their directing his focus primarily on Reinhardt.

O’Neal: You’ve got some nerve showing your face back in these parts. I’m suprised you’re even capable of stringing a sentence together after the beating I gave you last October, give my regards to your surgeon.

Now…last week.

After my stunning…clean…victory over Mike Plow in the invitational all I wanted to do was go home, have a few beers and fuck some beautiful woman. But no, as I was making my way to my car that night some coward decided not only to attack me but to sneak his pet into my car, by the way, the stench of piss still hasn’t come out of my back seat expect the bill any day now.

The crowd give a cheap pop to the fact O’Neal’s had to drive around in a car that stinks of piss.

O’Neal: I told you to SHUT THE FUCK UP! Anyway, as I was saying, instead of going home I had to spend my night getting stitched up after the callous and cowardly attack off of your little doggie friend over their Marcus Reinhardt. Now I don’t take too kindly to ambush attacks, as you will aaaall remember I beat this man one on one without the need to attack him from behind, I’m that damn good which can’t be said of you Marcus.

This…challenge, it doesn’t really appeal to me. What do I get out of it? The satisfaction of beating you to a pulp? HA! Been there done that, you have no title to speak of and quite frankly you’re a has-never-been.

Reinhardt: You killed Don, O’Neal. You owe me.

O’Neal: WOAH WOAH WOAH! I never killed your precious mentor, I was on Alcatraz when he had that fateful heart attack so it had nothing to do with me. You need to take a good look in the mirror, maybe if you had deserved to be trained by a man as great as he were maybe he’d be alive today.

Reinhardt: Don’t you say one more fucking word about him you cunt. Give me the damn match, what’s the worst that could happen?

Stroking his chin O’Neal smirks and nods his head approvingly before looking back up towards Reinhardt.

O’Neal: True, I’ve beaten you once and I’ll beat you again. I could do with the ring practice too, keep me sharp and finally dispose of you once and for all. You do know I’m going to humiliate you again don’t you? Such a foolish man, should have stayed away, HOW’s no place for little doggies.

Reinhardt: What’s it going to be?

O’Neal: Oh you’ve got your match. Listen though, this WILL be your last match here in HOW. Once I’m done with you, you’ll be running off with your tail between your legs wishing you’d never stepped foot in a ring. Prepare for an explosion, prepare for the end…Reinhardt.

O’Neal drops his mic and makes his way off into the HOW grounds as “Give it away” begins to play on the PA system. The camera cuts to a smiling Reinhardt as we go to commercial.




Marcus Reinhardt vs. Mark O’Neal
Singles Match


Tailgate Party…NYC Style

The camera switches to the parking lot outside of the Kalliston Colliseum where ‘The Violence’ Vince Jones and Reno Banks can be seen passing by a group of Escalades and Hummers set-up in the row for a huge tailgate party outside of the arena. One of the tailgaters catches sight of Vince Jones and raises a beer-filled glass in the air towards Vince Jones and Reno.

Tailgater #1: Whatup, homie?? Man, that was a nice ass win, a nice ass win.

Vince stops in his tracks and drops his duffle bag to the side.

Vince Jones: Ya damn right that was a nice ass win out there. Despite this wholecrackish ass decision of Ho Dubb to hold these damn matches out in the cold, today was a good day.

The second of the tailgaters takes a large swig of his beer and wipes the foam away from his mouth.

Tailgater #2: Always a good day when one of the home team kickin’ ass and takin’ names.

Vince Jones: Damn straight…

Tailgater #3: So, when we gonna be seein’ some of those box seats and shit, V?

Vince Jones: In due time, son. In due time.

Reno shakes his head and taps Vince on the shoulder.

Reno Banks: Ummm Mr. Jones…

Vince Jones: What up?

Reno Banks: We really should get going. We’ve got a lot of things to discuss for the upcoming week and all, you know?

Vince Jones: That shit can wait.

Jasmine: Yeah Reno, business can wait for a change.

Vince Jones: Besides its ’bout time V. Jones gets his drink on like only The Jones can.

Tailgaters: (in unison) Awww hell yeah!!!

Vince Jones reaches in the cooler, snatches up a bottle, rips it open and guzzles it down hard. One of the tailgaters produces another bottle from the cooler and tosses it in Reno Banks’ direction. Reno catches it and looks down at the bottle a bit hesitantly. The group of guys all turn towards Reno and just stare at him.

Vince Jones: Well c’mon, Reno! Know this shit ain’t the good shit you be sippin’ on but that’s how we rollin’ today! Act like you know what to do with that and drink up.

Reno Banks: Well, usually I don’t do this but umm…Let the good times roll.

Reno Banks pops open the bottle to the amusement of the group and begins chugging down a cold one. All of a sudden HOW interviewer, Missy Andrews, trots onto the scene and inches her way closer to the group as they continue popping open bottles and guzzling down their beers.The group catches sight of Missy and begins shooting her some interested glances.

Vince Jones: Well, well, well…lookie what we got here.

Missy Andrews: Uh hi guys…

Vince Jones: You all can stroll on for a sec. V got this one.

The tailgaters begin chuckling to themselves and walk off the scene along with Reno. Jasmine can be seen strolling onto the scene in the background. She stops in her tracks and folds her arms across her chest in jealousy over Missy Andrews’ presence near her boyfriend, Vince.

Vince Jones: So…

Missy Andrews: Congratulations on the win.

Vince Jones: Is that the real reason you here? Cuz if you really wanna be congratulatin’ V you and The Jones can slip into one of those tents across the way and get a lil one-on-one V.Jones victory afta party and all goin’ real quick…

Missy Andrews: (rolls her eyes) But you’re taken and I’m on the job right now Mr. Jones…

Vince Jones: Look here. The ‘magic stick’ is always ready to be whipped out and sent into action.

Missy Andrews: I’m not that kind of woman, Vince Jones…

Vince Jones: Well, that’s your loss…

Missy Andrews: Anyways, you’ve made your debut a success with a win over Dawn McGill.

Vince Jones: Damn straight the debut was a success. You got this trick up in a man’s game against one of the best this biz has to offa. What the hell you expectin’ to go down, huh? Bia must’ve had the damn wedding bells still ringin’ in that empty skull of hers today or somethin’. Well, the bells can keep on ringin’ cuz the bitch got rocked courtesy of the bell ringa himself…ringa ding ding!

Missy Andrews: So..

Vince Jones: Whooooooa! You’ve obviously don’t have a lot of experience with The Jones here, baby girl, so the man gonna cut yo pretty ass a lil slack this time. Aight?? Now when Jonesy speakin’ you sit back, relax, and listen. You don’t cut off a man like V when he spittin’. Get it!? Got it!? Good!

Missy nods in agreement.

Vince Jones: Now where was we at? Oh yeah, Dawn. Well Dawn, hope that the ass kickin’ you took at the hands of The One Man Dynasty wasn’t too brutal for ya. V knows you still…or make that, was up in that celebratin’ mood afta tyin’ the knot and shit. Well consida the fact that you still hangin’ on to that LSD title strap right about now as a lil wedding gift from V. Jones to you; but, keep in mind that if the time had been right that belt’d be drapped ova V’s shoulder right about now. Next time you might not be so lucky. ‘Nuff said on that.Now as for the rest of you cats up in this Chi-town Ho Dubb joint, keep in mind that the shit that went down in the ring today against Dawn is just the beginning. The bodycount stands at one with a whole lot more in line waitin’ to be…SILENCED!

Missy Andrews: Thanks for the comments.

Vince Jones: Whateva. Now when you ready to quit the fakin’ holla atcha boy! V. Jones ain’t a hard man too find.

Vince Jones struts away from the scene chuckling to himself as the camera slowly fades to black.


Kirsta Lewis vs. Johnny Legend
Singles Match

We return to “ringside” where Benny Newell and Joe Hoffman can be seen huddled together in front of the heater which is keeping their commentary position warm. Behind them a smattering of people can be seen in donning heavy winter coats as their breath fills the air with white swirls.

Benny Newell: It’s colder than a witches fucking titty out here! Glad we have old Toasty here to keep us warm.

Joe Hoffman: Though I am often loathed to agree with you I have to say that having the heater here certainly is making this a lot easier.

Benny Newell: Max is a fucking retard hosting an outdoor event in the middle of February.. look at him up there in his personal heated viewing thrown..

The Camera pans up to where Max can be seen seated with two large blast heaters pointed directly at him. In one hand he can be seen holding a tropical drink while in the other he holds a fan which he waves at himself as he complains about the heat.

Benny Newell: Fucking retarded nazi.

Joe Hoffman: Benny! That’s insensitive for God’s sake..

Benny Newell: To Nazies?

Joe Hoffman: TO RE-er.. Mentally handicapped people. Do I have to show you the Sarah Palin hand out again?

Benny Newell: Hoffman I.. well fuck me I’m to fucking cold to make a joke about fucking Sarah Palin so I’ll just say that I’d fuck Sarah Palin.

Joe Hoffman: Thank you for missing the point Benny. Anyway, up next folks we have Kirsta Lewis vs. John Legend! In recent weeks, folks, you may or may not have noticed that Kirsta Lewis has become a little more.. uh..

Benny Newell: Fuckable?!

Joe Hoffman: Sacred, Benny. She certainly has had no issue with her sexuality and exposure of it but I think there is more at play here then people give her credit.

Benny Newell: ..so? Bitch gets eaten out by another bitch. What’s not to love!?

Joe Hoffman: I think the cold has actually made you worse Benny.

Benny Newell: Trust me, if I was inside you’d get a great view of the Washington Memorial right now.

Joe Hoffman:..what the hell does that me-.. wait just got it. That’s disgusting.

Benny Newell: That’s not what your mother said!

The camera switches to the far right side of the throne as a large make shift curtain has been made out of a blue tarp used to cover some of the gardening equipment. With all the credibility of a Back Yard federation a weak stereo system blares out music as Kirsta Lewis feels her way through the tarp and out onto the small ramp leading to the stage.

Decked out in a form fitting but still warm looking body suit Kirsta saunters her way down to the ring much to the chagrin of the male and female fans alike. Just the same however she receives and overwhelmingly negative review from the fans as they boo her. Kirsta does not seem to take much notice of them as she rolls into the rickety old ring while Hortega approaches her to check for weapons.

Next out is Johnny Legend who appears on the right side of the throne appearing from behind what looks to be a cheap shower curtain purchased more than likely from a Salvation Army. Looking extremely unimpressed Legend makes his way down to the ring wearing street clothes to help offset the bitter cold around him.

Benny Newell: You know what is awesome Joe!?

Joe Hoffman: What is that?

Benny Newell: It’s cold! People are freezing their fucking asses off!

Joe Hoffman:.. what is awesome about that?

Benny Newell: NIPPLES!

Back in the ring it is apparent that the cold has, in fact, effected Kirsta Lewis’s sensational bust to the point where she might as well be cutting windows out of glass. Just the same she does not seem at all bothered by it which only further excites Benny.

Hortega signals for the bell as both Johnny Legend and Kirsta Lewis approach the center of the canvas. Being of about equal height both wrestlers manage a solid lock up and push against each other while trying to gain an advantage. Johnny manages to twist out into a headlock before spinning around to a double leg take down. Kirsta smacks the canvas however she is quick to spin onto her back and deliver a stiff kick to the side of Johnny’s leg causing him to stumble back.

Kirsta jumps up and grabs Johnny by the arm swinging into him into the ropes..


The top ring rope breaks from the strain as Johnny Legend is dumped out onto the thin mats just outside the ring with a loud thud!


The fans begin to chant loudly as Kirsta looks somewhat dump founded at what just happened. Up on the throne Max Kael begins barking orders to his janitorial minions who scatter in all directions.

Joe Hoffman: Oh my god folks! We’re not even a minute into this match and Johnny Legend has taken a hell of a spill outside the ring when the ropes broke!

Benny Newell: What the fuck do you expect! Those ropes were probably used to haul Jesus onto the cross for fucks sake!

Not quite sure what to do Hortega starts to start a count out while Johnny stirs on the outside holding his head where he smashed down onto the ground. Several janitors run around the ring grapping the rope and trying to figure out how to reattach it quickly while Max screams profanity at them. Kirsta, taking advantage of the situation, slips out of the ring and moves toward Johnny striking him in the side of the head with her knee with a satisfied expression on her face.

Johnny crumbles back down to the mats outside the ring while Hortega barks in Spanish for her to get back inside. Kirsta flips him off before she rolls Johnny back in before sliding in after. She wraps his leg up and goes for the pin fall..




Johnny manages to throw his shoulder up out of sheer desire while Kirsta is left with a near fall. Undaunted she slowly gets up and focuses her attention on Johnny’s skull with a vicious series of kicks aimed at further damaging any injury inflicted by his unscheduled fall outside the ring. Dragging him up to his feet Kirsta drags him to the corner where the old Leather turnbuckle is located.

She drives his head into the corner several times before the leather cover of the corner finally falls away revealing a hard metal bolt underneath. Hortega is quick to intervene and stands in the way so that Kirsta can not use it to further damage Johnny’s head.


The fans begin to change directed at the quickly disintegrating ring as Max can once again be seen on the stage raging at his Janitors who are still working hard to repair the ropes. Kirsta legs Johnny fall to the ring mat as she laughs about her fortune in this match thus far with the ring actually doing the majority of the damage to her opponent.

Lewis turns back to Johnny and drags him up to his feet before taking him down with a hard clothesline across his chest! Suddenly Max Kael appears on the outside of the ring and begins yelling at Hortega about something unfortunately a failure to truly understand each others language results in a lot of yelling. Taking advantage of the situation Kirsta quickly pulls Johnny up to his feet and rushes to throw his head into the exposed turn buckle..


Johnny manages to use Kirsta’s own momentum to slam her head into the corner causing her to go stiff as a board before falling straight backward. Johnny slumps into the corner as he attempts to catch his breath while his opponent is momentarily immobilized. Back outside the ring Max can be seen running back and forth until he grabs an Official “Carey-Bear” teddy bear from a kid in the audience.

Joe Hoffman: What the heck is Max up to now!?

Benny Hoffman: fuck if I know.. Maybe he is going to McGyver a better show out of this..

Joe Hoffman: Well at least it can’t really get worse now.


Benny Newell: Did you just say rape!?

Joe Hoffman: No! I.. I think our heater just pooped the bed though..

The camera switches to Benny and Joe staring at their small portable heater as the dawning of realization hits them both. Benny immediately starts to swear at Joe while Joe tries helplessly to say it was not his fault.

Back in the ring Johnny Legend has managed to pull himself out of the corner and has started to hit a series of rapid suplexes on Kirsta who has yet to truly recover from being rammed into the corner. Outside the ring Max can be seen demanding duct tape from one of his janitors who hands him a massive silver roll. Rolling into the ring Max runs to the exposed turnbuckle and begins duct taping the teddy bear over it while Hortega yells for him to leave the ring.

Johnny Legend draws Kirsta to her feet and snaps her down to the canvas with a stiff DDT drop! Max finishes the makeshift turnbuckle and rolls out of the ring just as the Janitors finish fixing the top rope! The fans cheer to see the ring sorta back together as Johnny Legend quickly jumps to the newly fashioned top rope turnbuckle.. LEGENDARY LEAP!

Legend connects as both he and Kirsta appear in great pain! Reaching down and hooking her leg Legend attempts a pinfall..





Joe Hoffman: Legend wins!

Benny Newell: Shut the fuck up Hoffman.. we’ve got bigger problems!

Joe Hoffman: Come on Benny.. if the HOW fans can do this without heat.. so can we.

Benny Newell: Fuck that. I’m going to use some liquid heating.

Benny takes a shot of whiskey and looks mournfully at the busted heater while Johnny Legend slides out of the ring holding his stomach and head but still looking triumphant. Back in the ring Kirsta is slowly stiring while Hortega ensures she is not seriously hurt.


Check EWTORCH.COM for all Turmoil Reviews and Wrestler Rankings!


I am Woman..hear me Roar

Back live..

Benny Newell: “Aww…what the fuck is she doing out here?”

Dawn McGill, escorted by Angel Casey, Angel Scott, Corrina Romanov, and Jackie Daniels from Missouri Valley Wrestling, climbs into the ring. McGill is wearing a conservative black pants suit with her trademark 4” stiletto heels.

Casey, Scott, Romanov, and Daniels take their positions behind her.

Dawn McGill: “I know that there are quite a few of the boys in the back who are clearly uncomfortable with a champion who happens to be woman. Unless they can be controlled like…oh…I don’t know- Bobbinette Carey? Tonight, in honor of the fact that women wear two out of the four HOW title belts, we’re starting a brand new feature. So, if my paramilitary guard would like to bring our very, special guest out here, we’ll get the festivities under way.”

McGill’s personal four man paramilitary guard drag out someone who kicks and puts up quite the fight.

Joe Hoffmann: “Who is that?”

Benny Newell: “Don’t know. He’s got a bag over his head…drink!”

McGill waits for the guards to bring the unidentifiable man to the ring. She motions them to dump the guy right in the middle. The guards throw the man down and surround him.

Dawn McGill: “Now, our special guest will be very familiar to HOW fans. He was just here a couple weeks ago for a special event.”

From 2/4 HOW Turmoil:

John Wayne Bobbitt, Chris Brown, and Sean Connery enter the room along with two TV’s that are rolled in by some event staff. Sean Connery walks up to Jennifer Garner and stand across the table from her.

Sean Connery: Move it before I decorate your face with a palm sandwich.

Jennifer Garner: What?

Without hesitation Sean Connery bitch slaps Jennifer knocking her out of the chair. Instantly Ben Aflec and Gerard Butler rush over to her aid as Sektor chuckles and Mariah Carey gives Sektor a dirty look.

Sean Connery: What? You feel left out?

Sean Connery then bitch smacks Mariah Carey, and right after everyone leaves the stage except for Cyanide, Sektor, and Rufus. The two TV’s have been installed at the table and Sean Connery, Chris Brown, and John Bobbitt take their seats rounding out the panel. The two TV’s are turned on and Scott Peterson appears in handcuffs on one and OJ Simpson also in jumpsuit appears on the other one.

Dawn McGill: “Please give a…parking lot just outside Kallisten Coliseum welcome to…”

She rips the hood off and it’s a very angry Sean Connery, tied up and gagged.

Dawn McGill: “…the original James Bond…and special guest at the Bobbinette Carey-a-thon…Sean Connery!”

Benny Newell: “What is she doing?”

Joe Hoffmann: “I don’t know, Benny.”

Benny guzzles down more from his flask of Jack Daniels.

Dawn McGill: “Now, let’s go back to the Carey ‘Care-a-thon.’

From 2/4 HOW Turmoil:

Barbara Walters: I see you view still haven’t changed. You still think it’s ok to slap women.

Sean Connery: I don’t slap women Barbara. I slap bitches, you happen to fall into the category Barbara. I repeat Miss Walters, you are included in that nomenclature.

Barbara Walters goes to speak but is cut off with a hard bitch slap from Sean Connery which sends her to the ground. Mario smiles as the Whack-o-Meter dings and goes to 1,038 and the scene fades.

Dawn McGill: “Mr. Connery, do you know who Shirley Muldowney is?

Sean Connery: “MMMMMPPHHHHHH!!!”

Dawn McGill: “Wrong. Shirley Muldowney is a famous drag racer. A lot of men thought she was a real bitch for trying to break into drag racing because they thought it was no place for a woman. Do you know how many NHRA events she’s won?”

Sean Connery: “MMMMMPPHHHHHH!!!”

Dawn McGill: “Close. Eighteen. Do you know who Billie Jean King is?”

Sean Connery: “MMMMMPPHHHHHH!!!”

Dawn McGill: “Nope, I’m sorry. Wrong again. Billie Jean King advocated and achieved equal pay for women at the U.S. Open and is best known for defeating Bobby Riggs before a televised audience of ninety million viewers in the Battle of the Sexes match in 1973. A lot of men thought she was a real bitch too.”

McGill motions to the paramilitary men. They pick Connery up and toss him into the corner.

Dawn McGill: “And now it’s time for our big finale. Guys, this is 2010. Not 1910. Not even 1950. Every day, women are proving to be just as capable as men are in all facets of life. Even…pro wrestling.”

McGill holds up the LSD title belt.

Dawn McGill: “So tonight, in tribute to the Maurako’s ‘Whack-o-meter,’ I’d like to introduce something totally new…the Testicular Tally!”

Joe Hoffmann: “The what?”

Angel Casey and Angel Scott pull Connery up to a standing position.

Benny Newell: “If she comes near me, I’m getting out of here.”

Dawn McGill: “Sean Connery, this is your lucky night. You’re number one!”

Benny Newell: “I can’t look………drink!”

Connery’s eyes widen as McGill’s foot rears back and then…

Joe Hoffmann: “Oh…my…God…”

Connery simply pitches over after McGill delivers a 4” stiletto kick to the balls.

The Testicular Tally counter dings and shows ‘2.’

Benny Newell: “Oh, oh…”

Joe Hoffmann: “You didn’t soil your pants again, Benny?

Dawn McGill: “And now, a message to the Maurakos. From this night forward, each time one of you slaps a ‘bitch,’ I’m going to relocate the testicles of two guys into their throats.”

McGill drops the mic and leads the Missouri Valley contingent and her paramilitary guard from the ring.


Rage Control

With the wind picking up on this cold Chicago night, the camera’s switch to a van parked away from the action. Its windows are blacked out but the back doors are open, with two men stood guard blocking most views. A man approaches, becoming more visible as he steps into what light there is available, he’s recognised as Shane, some one still known to as fans as Guy ‘Static’ Stephens’ personal trainer. He approaches the van and nods his approval to the two guards who move aside, allowing himself and the viewers at home a look at the body lying face up. Its Static.

Joe Hoffman: What the hell is going on…and when did it get so warm in here?

Benny Newell: Isn’t it obvious Joe, nobody got that man a drink, he’s resting up after exerting his energy and destroying David Black….and its still freezing out here you lightweight and your breath already smells like Bigfoots dick for the record…..

Static’s body is lifeless, Katrina, known as Static’s psychiatrist is knelt over him, with an empty syringe in hand she has a smirk on her face. Shane climbs into the back of the van and places his hand on Katrina’s shoulder.

Shane: Did everything go as planned?

Katrina just acknowledges with a bow of her head, as she checks Static’s vital signs before moving up and forcing Shane back out of the van and following suit. She stands outside the van, a crowd now beginning to form around the fallen Static and the back doors of the blacked out van. Katrina signals for the men to shut the doors and they follow her orders through without complaint.

Shane: What now sis?

Katrina: Leave it to me, take him back to the institution gentlemen, we have further work ahead of us.

The men say nothing but turn face and walk towards the front of the van, climbing in and driving off as Katrina just stands, a smile plastered over her face as her brother Shane stands bewildered by his siblings orders.

Joe Hoffman: Institution, what the hell is going on..and how do you know what Bigfoots dick smells like?

Benny Newell: Cause when your mom was licking my asshole she told me how it tasted better than Bigfoots dick and we ALL KNOW you kiss your mom with that mouth..

The action cuts to commercial as Joe is appalled at what Benny just said..

Faze’s testimony ends the show tonight!


Ending of an Era?

In the parking lot of the Best Arena the Brothers of the Beast would just be arriving. The three men were carrying their customary microphones. Ready to make a statement about their fall out of late and their plans for the future. However, they wouldn’t have a chance to say much of anything for as soon as Tyson Ross exited the car he was doubled over by a hard boot to the gut before he would be punted in the side of he head. Skull crashing into the driver side window with a sickening crash.

Jacob Morgan threw open the passenger side and was rushing to climb over the hood of the car to help Tyson but before he could get over the trunk he was speared from the side and sent crashing right through the windshield. Jason Midnight slammed open his door and changed out, roaring for a fight. He quickly closed in on the first attacker ready to chokeslam him, completely unaware of the third figure climbing onto the trunk of the car behind him. The third man would latch his arms onto Jason, tying him up in a Full Nelson before hoping off the car and send the big man face first into the concrete.

For the first time since the assault had begun the cameras would catch the first good look at the three assailants. One was a twenty-something blonde man who was currently taking the head of Tyson Ross and putting it in the door. The blonde-man proceeded to slam the car door repeatedly into the side of Tyson’s head as the camera shifted it’s focus to the second man. The man had long pink-hair pulled back into a pony tail and was currently pulling Jacob out of the windshield and standing him up. Only to double him over and cross Jacob’s arms over his chest and then drop him with a DDT onto the hood of the car. Keeping his hold on the wrists of Jacob’s crossed arms and bridging up to drop Jacob with a neckbreaker.

Finally, the camera would lock on the man who had Jason Midnight still locked in the Full Nelson while he straddled his back. The HOW fans might actually recognize from the courtesy video from RATR2 as Tim Mason, former AWE announcer. Mason began to slam Jason’s head repeatedly into the concrete as the pink-haired man, having finished dismantling Jacob now loomed over them.

Pink-Haired Man: Jason..Jason… I’ve been sent to deliver a message.. Courtesy of Mr. Best…. Your contract has been terminated.

The man would pull out a pink-slip from his pocket and force open his mouth and shove the pink-slip inside.

Pink-Haired Man: The Brothers of the Beast are dead… Long live Extreme Kaos!

With that Mason and his two companions left the BOTB just as the HOW medical team were rushing onto the scene to check on the fallen men.


HOW Tag Team Title Match
The Maurako Family vs. The Cool Reality
Tag Team Submission Match

Joe Hoffman: Well welcome back to Turmoil folks and it looks like Brothers of the Beast just got fired …oh well the show must go on…… Cool Reality will put their Tag Team titles which they have held for 105 days on the line against The Maurako Family.

Ego” by Element Eighty as The Maurako Family make their way out from the makeshift entrance way.

Bryan McVay: The following tag team contest will be a submission match and will be for the HOW Tag Team titles. Now making their way to the ring from Maurako Island… Matteo and Mario… The Maurako Family!!

Joe Hoffman: Well last week Bobbinette won the HOW title and tonight Mario hopes to win gold himself, despite his 0-3 record against Scottywood in their past three encounters.

OOOOOOHHHHHHH, Yout Gotta Keep ‘em Seperated

Stricken” by Disturbed starts to play but all we see is Frankie the Cameraman come out with microphone in hand.

Frankie: It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s Cool Reality!

Pointing up to the sky we see two men jumping out of the official HOW blimp and as the camera zooms in on them we see it is Scottywood and Mr. Cool. As the two get closer they pull their ripcords and both the parachutes release as they float down to the ring, Tag Team title belts secured around their waists.

Joe Hoffman: Well Scotty and Cancer really know how to make an entrance, taking full advantage of this outdoor Turmoil, which in hindsight has been a horrible idea.

With great precision the two land in the ring as the HOW ground crew gather up the parachutes and takes the packs away as Cancer and Scotty disconnect from them.

Bryan McVay: And now in the ring, they are the HOW Tag Team champions… Cancer Jiles and Scottywood…. The Cool Reality!!!

As the grounds crew works to remove all the sky diving gear we see Matt Boettcher explaining to Scotty and Mr. Cool that it will be a submission match and that if Cool Reality gets disqualified then the titles will change hands. Begrudgingly Scotty and Cancer agree as Boettcher calls for the bell to start the match.

Joe Hoffman: Both teams testing out this vintage ring, which along with the cold temperatures will be two big factors in this match.

Benny Newell: Well Scottywood should feel right at home being an ex-hockey player.

We see Cancer and Matteo start this match out as Matteo for goes the lock up and just starts trading punches with Cancer, obviously still very angered over Cool Reality’s disrespecting of his deceased wife a few days ago in a promo of theirs. But Matteo can’t go punch for punch for long until Cancer hits a big shot that’s staggers the Maurako father and opens things up for Cancer to hit a big clothesline as Mr. Cool quickly starts to go to work on Matteo’s legs, stomping away at them and wrenching the left knee. But Matteo fights back and drives his right boot into the face of Cancer as Matteo pops up and hits a quick belly to belly suplex. Matteo goes right after Cancer and locks him in a quick ankle lock as Cool quickly pulls himself to the ropes as Boettcher calls for the break.

Joe Hoffman: Lots of action here to start this match, Matteo tried to end this quickly but to no avail.

Benny Newell: But he is gonna need more than an ankle lock to beat Cool Reality.

Cancer pulls himself back to his feet as Matteo gores for a clothesline but Cancer ducks and sends Matteo over the top rope and to the asphalt floor which has no padding. Cancer makes his way over to Scotty who he tags in and The Hardcore Artist jumps down from the apron and makes his way over to Matteo who is slow to his feet and get a boot in the stomach from Scotty and hits a quick SDT as Matteo’s head bounces off the asphalt and busts the father of The Family open.

Joe Hoffman: Good God! Matteo’s head might have just been cracked in half as Scottywood hits that big SDT.

Rolling Matteo back into the ring we see Mario not even wait for Scotty to go for a cover as he charges at Scottywood and tackles him to the mat as the two start trading punches as Boettcher tries to pull them apart, but is having no luck. But the distraction does allow Martino to pull his bloodied father towards their corner and out of harms way. Finally Boettcher is able to get Mario back to his corner and is able to tag himself in, but as soon as he steps into the ring he is hit by the now angered Scottywood with a big boot which lays Mario out. He wants to go to the top rope, but he doesn’t trust the antique ring and instead starts to stomp away at Mario as who can just try and cover up. Lifting Mario off the mat Scotty sets Mario up for a powerbomb and slams Mario hard down to the mat which gives way and Mario goes right though.

Joe Hoffman: What?!? Mario just went through the ring mat!

Benny Newell: You get what you pay for I guess.

Boettcher and Scottywood really don’t know what to do as a cameraman climbs into the ring and we can see Mario starting to stir in the mix of broken boards. With this Scotty grabs Mario by the head and pulls him up out of the hole and scoop slams him to the mat as he locks in a boston crab submission. Mario seems to be in a lot of pain as he claws at the mat, but is going no where until he pulls on the edge of the new hole in the mat and pulls both men down into the hole.

Joe Hoffman: That hole is cer…. Certainly ca…causing an issue in this ma….match. Is it warm me up here?

Benny Newell: Ok look dickhead…your buzzed..deal with it….have a fucking another shot so you can just be drunk already and get thru this annoying little bitch phase will ya?

Joe Hoffman: Fine… pour me a shot.

Benny pours a shot of Jack and slides it across the table as Joe quickly downs its and sticks out his tongue, obviously not liking the taste.

Joe Hoffman: Wow…I cant feel my legs..

Benny Newell: I know, it’s magical.

Pulling themselves out of the hole we see Mario exiting first as he is able to connect a few punches on Scottywood as he exits and gain control enough to throw him into the ropes which as Scotty rebounds off them, the tope rope snaps and Mario hits Simply Marevlous and puts Scottywood in a sharpshooter as there is a mixed cheer from thee fans.

Joe Hoffman: Thunder Lock!

Wrenching back Mario tries to apply as much pressure as he can as Scotty reaches out for the ropes but he has a long way to go. But then we see Mr. Cool take the broken ring rope which is still connected to one of the ring posts and toss it to Scottywood who grabs hold of it and yells at the referee Boettcher who isn’t too sure what to do but decides to tell Mario to break the hold as Mario thinks he has won the match, but is quickly told otherwise by Boettcher as Mario’s joy turns to anger as he argues with Boettcher and allows Scottywood to make his way to the corner and tag in Cancer.

Joe Hoffman: I don’t think that situation is in any professional wrestling rule book, but I guess Boettcher had to interpret the rules as best as he could.

Benny Newell: Well Scottywood had grabbed the ring ropes, never says they can’t be broken.

Mr. Cool comes in and hits Mario with a drop kick followed by a spinebuster as Cool grabs that broken ring rope and starts to choke out Mario with it as Boettcher starts a five count for the illegal move as Cool breaks at four, and not getting his team disqualified. Scotty is back on his feet and asking for a tag which Cool obliges and Scotty come in quick as Mario stands back up and Mario is able to counter the punch of Scotty with a back body drop right into referee Matt Boettcher, knocking him down and out.

Joe Hoffman: Boettcher in the wrong place there as Scotty collides with him in midair…. Can I have another shot Benny?

Benny pours another for his broadcast partner as Mario pulls Scotty up to his feet and get a kick right between his legs as Mario drops to his knees. It seems as Scotty is about to set up for the Game Misconduct, but we suddenly see a hooded person slide into the ring with a lead pipe in hand and as Cancer yells out and tries to enter the ring but is pulled off the apron by another hooded figure.

Joe Hoffman: What the hell is this?

Benny Newell: I don’t know, but Scotty shouldn’t….

Scotty turns around and walks right into the lead pipe shot which lays The Hardcore Artist out, busting him wide open. The other hooded figure rings Cool’s head off the ringpost as the one in the ring exits with the pipe as Mario takes advantage of the attack and locks Scottywood in the full nelson as he yells at Boettcher who is starting to move.

Joe Hoffman: Come on! This match can not end like this!

Benny Newell: Who are those two masked people?

Boettcher is able to crawl over and raise Scotty’s arm up and it falls to the ground as it is clear Scotty is out cold as Boettcher call for the bell to end the match.

Joe Hoffman: Unbelievable!

Bryan McVay: The winners of this match and the NEW, HOW Tag Team Champions…. The Maurako Family!!!

There is a a huge mixed reaction as Boettcher hands Mario and Matteo who is being helped by Martino and Mosè the Tag Team title belts as the raise them in celebration above their heads. But the camera quickly turns to thee two hooded people who remove the hoods.

Joe Hoffman: Valora! AWS Man! Two WMW wrestlers!

Benny Newell: They just cost Scottywood and Cool the Tag Team titles….This…. This is horrible!

Joe Hoffman: Well I guess we now know where these two were rushing to at the end of Graveyard 109

Benny Newell: You actually watch that shit? I’d rather jack off with sa…

Valora: Scotty…. Scotty…. You didn’t think I forgot bout your punk ass did you?

The mixed cheers for The Maurakos turn to pure boos for Valora as the Mexican beauty smiles at the crowd reaction. The camera turns to Scottywood who is still out cold as HOW medics are attending to him as The Maurako’s continue to celebrate in the ring.

Valora: Wrestling Midwest, Scotty…. we’re That Damn Awesome! … and we’re here for you!

Joe Hoffman: If I were Valora I wouldn’t be talking, I’d be getting as far away from the coliseum as I could. Because when Scottywood comes to the fit he through when he lost his job as GM will look like nothing compared to what he will do…

Valora and AWS Man smile as Valora raises the lead pipe above her head as they make their way past the throne of and off into the HOW grounds as we see one last shot of The Maurakos celebrating before we cut to commercial


Click the image to go check out WMW’s Graveyard Shift 109 to see Valhora and AWS Man getting set up for their appearance in HOW tonight!!


War is coming..

IV’ by X Japan plays over the outdoor PA system, the music a new and unknown theme to the dedicated fans of HOW. There is no question as to who it belongs to as the Japanese vocals sound out and the two men who had attacked Kostoff two weeks prior step out from behind the throne; Kenji Gosenkugi and the man known simply as William. Both men are dressed in suits; Kenji’s in dark grey Armani while William wears a simple black Valentino. The fans rain hate upon them, but they’re ignored by part of the time; Kenji simply steadily walks down to the ring while William, the more charismatic and brutal of the two, seems to have fun with berating the fans as he lags behind his partner. Talking trash the entire time, William took his sweet time mocking them before Kenji looked over his shoulder and waved him on. With an almost disappointed look on his face, William begrudgingly picks up the pace and joins Kenji as the man climbs up into the shoddy, ages old ring. Once in the ring, William once again went about berating the fans at ringside, climbing up the nearest turnbuckle , posing and taunting them with various daring gestures. A piece of trash his thrown his way, but the brown haired German ducked aside.

William: Mother fucker! I’ll kick your fucking ass!

William looked as though he was ready to climb out of the ring and do exactly that, but as he starts to climb down from the turnbuckles, he is met by Kenji who, in the time that William had gone about showing off, had procured a microphone. Gripping the man’s shoulder with a leather gloved hand, he’d rub the man’s shoulder while speaking unheard words into his ear. Whatever it was, it seemed to calm the man down, as William went about scoffing toward the crowd while adjusting the collar of his expensive suit. With that situation adverted, Kenji would slowly make his way toward the center of the ring while William followed; It was obvious who the leader of his group was.

Kenji: Konbanwa, High Octane Wrestling…

His voice dripped with a certain sarcasm as he greeted the company at large. The response was a loud, thick shower of boo’s. This didn’t bother Kenji at all. Instead, he seemed to soak them up as he leaned his head back and breathed in deeply. William simply glared at those in attendance, his hands stuffing into his jacket’s pockets as it was cold as fuck out. After a few moments, Kenji began to speak again, ignoring the still booing crowd.

Kenji: It has been two weeks since we initially appeared within your ‘beloved’ company, and I’ve heard quite a few questions, courtesy of my personal assistant, as to why we are here. I figured our purpose was obvious, but as it has been noted by countless studies… You Americans are pitifully stupid. As such, we are here to once again reiterate exactly what we have come for, why we have come for it and more.

Smug in his self-appointed moral and intellectual superiority, he would gesture toward William with the microphone. He was never a fan of addressing people he deemed lower than him, so he allowed his partner to do so for the moment, since he had been so readily addressing the fans as it was. Giving Kenji a look as though to ask ‘why me’-He was the one wearing gloves, after all- he’d finally nod a bit and remove a hand from their warm shelter before taking the microphone.

William: Right. It’s quite simple really…You see, the two of us, we’re rather accomplished individuals in our chosen sport of wrestling. Both of us have held countless titles across the world, to the point that we could quite possibly never need another reign with any belt again. But then, we saw High Octane Wrestling…

Upon mention of the company, the crowd would let out a small pop for their favorite group. The way William had said it, it was as though they were complementing it as though it were a place worth their time. However, William only let that cheering go on for so long before crushing their assumptions.

William: …And if there was ever a place in need of radical reconstruction, it has to be the one company that Mike Best is currently turning into a shit hole; HOW!

Those cheers immediately turned to boo’s as William cut down their company once more and all he did was smirk, as Kenji stood in the background, seemingly indifferent to the insults made toward the acting head of the company.

William: You see, everywhere Kenji and I have been individually, we’ve innovated, we’ve revolutionized… and when we set our eyes upon this place you all love so much, what we saw was appalling. You have old fossils, old bastards that should’ve faded into the sands of time long ago. People like Simon Sparrow, whose act got old two years into his tenure in HOW, let alone damn near ten and Chris Kostoff, whose only redeeming quality is the effortless way he can chain the word ‘fuck’ with gay jokes and idle threats that could only intimidate the elderly after how many times he’s been emasculated on live television. And then you have the mind numbing, stupid assholes who infect the rest of the roster, the very same people who you practically worship, with their sheer inanity.

The crowd was thoroughly booing the two, but each man had their own reaction. Kenji casually ignored it all, seemingly content with the words William spoke while the German man who did the talking just smirked. A few articles of trash were thrown into the structure that barely stood under its own power, but most kept said trash to themselves to feed the nearby trash can fires necessary for warmth. Kicking that trash out of the ring, William continued on.

William: Those people are why we are here, all of the weak and inferior, the stupid and mundane. They’re why we’ve come to HOW. They’re why we took it upon ourselves to take your sacred cow in Kostoff and give him a beating so bad that only the most retarded of individuals would even think of coming back from it. They’re why we’ve come here; to lay this farce of a roster to rest and let it all begin anew..

As the crowd continued to show their hate, Kenji would step up behind William and pat his shoulder, signaling that he wanted the microphone now. Reluctantly, William would hand it over. His fun was over now, so he was back to hiding his hands within the pockets of his pants as the glasses wearing Japanese man took over, his voice soft and filled with that Asian accent.

Kenji: …Indeed. We are not so much of a tag team as we are an extinction level event, here to snuff out the mediocrity and filth that has run rampant through this company as sanctioned by none other than Lee Best. None are safe from this. Not your legends, not your heroes and not even other individuals new to the company. Case in point, our opponents next week; the team known as…Hydra.

Kenji finally displayed emotion as he said this in the form of a sneer, as though the very name was offensive to him, let alone the potential individuals who made up the team.

Kenji: If putting Kostoff down to rest was our opening statement, the pain and anguish we will put this Hydra through in our official debut will be the beginning of a long, wicked path of destruction set forth upon High Octane Wrestling. We will have no mercy upon them, much like we will have no mercy upon The Maurako Faimly…

Pausing, Kenji grimaced as he found himself forced to speak the following words. At this, William only chuckled at his partner’s discomfort while the crowd continued to all but try to drown them out with their verbal disdain. They were out doors however, their protests lost beneath outside noise and the power of a PA system.

Kenji: … Maurako Family,Lee Best hired us to bring back a certain respectability to this tag division, while continually weeding out the inferior as he may see fit. Our reign of terror may have begun with Kostoff, but it will not end with tag team gold. That is merely a foot note, a mile stone for what has yet to come. And believe me, it WILL come…Not a single one of you on the roster can prevent this. You’re too weak, too feeble and too stupid to deny what Lee Best and ourselves believe is rightfully ours.

Smirking ever so slightly, Kenji would take a brief pause to look around at the masses that had gathered around the ragtag ring. If he was cold or even remotely bothered by the elements, he showed no sign of it. He could’ve stood there speaking all night, but he had spoken his piece. Letting out a low chuckle, he’d lick over his lips carefully.

Kenji: …Now you know our purpose. Now you know our plan. We have nothing to hide, no tricks up our sleeves. Our mission is simple; to bring it all crashing down. Nothing will stop this, nothing. We are Lee Best’s Horsemen and soon, as all of the players fall into place, your Apocalypse will be upon you. Let the final solution begin…

That smirk had grown into a full blown grin as Kenji lowered the microphone from his lips, while William was merely nodding in quiet approval of the statement that had been made. Simply dropping the microphone to the ratty mat below, Kenji would take a moment to adjust his collar before he made his way out of the ring; an action that mirrored by his partner. Just as before, they quietly made their way back up the ramp, ignoring the fans completely this time as they made their way toward the Throne and disappeared behind it as Turmoil takes a final commercial break before the Main Event.


Is there a draft on the horizon??


Hardcore Hangover??

Back from commercial we Scottywood standing in front of Max Kael’s throne arguing with the Emperor about the outcome of the match as the HOW grounds crew stands in-between the two to protect the Emperor.

Scottywood: This is fucki’ bullshit Kael! I got hit with a damn lead pipe! That match should be thrown out, I should get MY titles back!

Max Kael: The referee’s decision is final Scotty, I cannot just go and over rule such a thing. I am sorry but those belts are The Maurako’s now.

Scottywood: Fuck this! You hold a title match in a shitty antique ring that completely falls apart during the match, you allow two WMW superstars to attack me and Cancer and cost us the Tag Team titles. Your almost as incompetent as Sparrow!

Max Kael: WHAT!? I am by FAR More Incompetent!.. wait.. No.. Wait.. Yes.. DAMN YOU PARADOX. Now.. ahem.. Your concerns are important to us.

Scottywood: Fuck you….

We see Scottywood walk back to Cancer and take a can of something from him as he makes his way back down to the busted up antique ring and the camera can finally see that it is a can of gasoline as Scotty starts to pour the content on the ring as the HOW ground crew try to make their way down to stop Scotty, but Cancer keeps them back with a steel chair.

Benny Newell: Scottywood is completely soaking the ring with gasoline…. I think this is our cue to leave and make our way over to the HOFC area.

Joe Hoffman: Don’t forget your yummy Jack. I’m all nice and warm cause of it.

After the last drops fall fom thee can Scotty pulls a match book out of his pocket as the crowd starts to cheer actually as Scotty lights the match and tosses it on the ring which quickly is engulfed in flames as we see fans start to flee from the ringside area and HOW ground crews finally are able to come down with fire extinguishers as Scottywood and Cancer walk back towards the throne, staring down Max Kael who is watching his antique ring go up in flames.

Scottywood: ValWhora…. ASS Fuck Man… I think Cool Reality is going to have to make a trip to Ohio… and it won’t be to visit Cedar Point.

We get one last view of the ring as the fire has been pretty much put out, but the ring is badly burned as we cut to the HOFC area on the HOW grounds.


HOW HOFC Title Match
Mike Plow vs. Christopher America
HOFC Fight

Cutting over to the HOFC area we see eight vehicles forming a makeshift octagon with America and Plow standing inside already with Bryan McVay and HOFC referee Rick Stevens.

Benny Newell: Well once again Scottywood has completely lost it folks, torching the entire ring. Guess we are just lucky that Frankie wasn’t around, or we’d be having fried cameraman…..

Joe Hoffman: I bet it tastes like chicken!

Benny Newell: I never thought I’d say this, but I am cutting you off Joe. I’m sure you’ll be warm enough to survive the main event.

Joe Hoffman: I am not just warm… I am HOT, HOT, HOT! Errreeba!

Joe grabs the bottle of Jack and takes another drink as Benny quickly grabs his precious bottle back and starts petting it like he just gotten back his child that was nearly abducted.

Bryan Mcvay: The following HOFC bout is scheduled for 5 three minute rounds and will be for the HOFC Title…. First in the blue car corner, from Atlantic City, New Jersey and weighing in tonight at 244 pounds… Mike Plow!!!!

Joe Hoffman: Mr. Plow….. Mr. Plow!

Benny Newell: Shhh Joe…

Bryan Mcvay: And in the red car corner, from America and weighing in at 235 pounds… He is the HOW HOFC champion…. Christopher America!!!

Stevens finishes checking over the two fighters as he calls for the bell to start round one as America and Plow get a feel for each other and a feel for the unconventional HOFC environment. There is no mat on the floor, just asphalt, and the cars are certainly no steel caging. America throws a couple of opening jabs which Plow dodge. America throws a kick which connects and then a jab which clips Plow. America throws a quick left right combo which connects and catches Plow off guard.

Benny Newell: I feel odd being the more sober one and making calls, but Plow seems to be a little off guard here, not use to this MMA fighting.

Joe Hoffman: That woman in the purple sweater looks pretty hot…

Benny Newell: She is 300 plus pounds…. And a guy…..

Joe wrestles the bottle of Jack away and takes another drink as America caught Plow with another jab as Plow decides he has had enough of this and just tackles America to the ground and hammering punches at the champ who tries to cover up the best he can. America is able to grab Plow and prevent any further punches as they fight for position and Plow gets a hard elbow in before Stevens breaks the two up and stands them back up.

Benny Newell: Seems Plow is settling in to this match finally.

Plow keeps after America and connects with a few more jabs as we see some swelling over the right eye for America. Plow hits a kick and again tackle America to the ground as the two don’t care about covering up and just trade punches as we see a small cut above America’s right eye open. Plow gains an advantage and is able to lock in a chokehold but as soon as he does the bell to end the round sounds.


Benny Newell: Well Plow with a solid finish to that round, America close to getting choked out by Plow.

Joe Hoffman: My wife never chokes…

Benny Newell: That was too much info Joe…

Stevens calls the two men from their corners as the bell to start round two starts as America wipes the blood from his face as Plow and America trade a few early jabs and America connects with a kick as Plow lands a big right that has America riling backwards and Plow grabs him and slams America’s head right into one of the car windows which shatters as the crowd around thee makeshift octagon erupt in cheers for the violence.

Benny Newell: Certainly won’t see that in a normal HOFC match, but Plow is using his environment to his advantage.

Joe Hoffman: Was that my car?

Benny Newell: No, your car is red…. That car was green.

America is now cut on his forehead as blood starts to run down his face as Plow works over his body as he leans against the car. America tries to throw some shots back but Plow is able to dodge them as he drives a knee into the stomach of America and locks in a sleeper hold as America tries to fight his way out of it but he quickly starts to slip away as Stevens checks on America. But America is able to move Plow and back him into one of the car doors and break the hold as he throws a big right that Plow ducks and connects with a right of his own that drops America to the ground.

Benny Newell: Down goes the HOFC champ!

Stevens checks to see if America is ok to continue as Plow mounts America and continues to throw punches until the bell for the end of the round rings as Stevens quickly breaks things up.


Benny Newell: Well Plow certainly has had things in control these first two rounds. America will need to mount a big comeback here or knock Plow out.

Joe Hoffman: Why haven’t you let me have Jack before in shows? It makes these matches soooo much more entertaining.

Benny Newell: Because you can hold your liquor about as good as Frankie… I’ve had probably 4 times as much as you and I’m not even slurring yet.

Stevens calls for the start of round three as America has wiped some of the blood from his face, but more continues to flow as you can see the anger on his face. He throws some early jabs which connect on Plow and then a big kick to the side of his head which sends Plow back stagger. America then tackles Plow back towards the cars and lifts him up and hits a modified spine buster on the hood of one of the cars. Throws a few more punches we can see a cut opening up on the left eye of Plow as Stevens tries to get the two back inside the octagon of cars instead of being on them. But America stands Plow up on the hood of the car and launches Plow off it with a big back body drop right onto the asphalt as the crowd gasps for a second and then cheers as America climbs down and back into the octagon.

Benny Newell: There is no give to that asphalt, and Plow could have a broken back…

Joe Hoffman: Baby got back!

Benny Newell: No! Bad Hoffman… Bad!

America now is slow, stalking the hurting Plow who slowly gets back to his knees and we see America drive a boot into the kidneys of Plow who rolls over in pain as America now mounts him and throws a series of his own punches on Plow who can barely cover up enough for Stevens to not stop the fight. But America is connecting with shots and the cut is getting opened up more and more.

Benny Newell: Tides seem to be changing as America is coming to life now in this fight… wait what is he doing now?

We see America get off Plow and make his way over to the car with the broken window and pick up a shard of glass as he makes his way back over to Plow but Stevens stops him and orders in to drop the shard of glass. America pauses for a few seconds before reluctantly dropping the shard as Plow gets back up to his knees and America connects with a big right that drops Plow back down to the ground.

Benny Newell: I don’t know what America’s intentions were, but I can be sure they weren’t good.

Joe Hoffman: My intentions are to get some more Jack!

Benny has given up and just hands Joe the bottle as the bell for the end of the third round rings.


Benny Newell: America really needed that round if he hoped to make a comeback, and he got it.

Joe Hoffman: A round for everyone! On the Hoffster!

Benny cannot believe the level of intoxication that his partner has reached as America and Plow get ready for round four as Stevens calls for the bell. Exhaustion is starting to set in as this is now going longer then a non title HOFC match and both men have their faces covered in blood. Plow connects with an opening jab as America again gets some body kicks in followed by a jab combo which has Plow staggering. America pulls out a wrestling move with an Irish whip that sends Plow over the hood of a car and tumbling outside the octagon.

Joe Hoffman: Out of bounce! 2 points America!

Benny Newell: You not a judge… and there is no out of…. Nevermind.

America wants to go after Plow but Stevens holds him back as he isn’t really sure on the rules of a fighter going out of the octagon. Plow is slow to his feet as Stevens has to physically restrain America from exiting as Plow climbs back on the hood of the car and Stevens lets America loose. Hoping up onto the car hood America throws a hard right jab and hits a drop toe hold onto the car as Plow’s head slams into the windshield, shattering it as the crowd erupts in cheers again.

Benny Newell: Shit… that can’t be good for Plow chances in this match.

Joe Hoffman: He just went SPLAT like a bug… SPLAT, SPLAT, SPLAT….

America gets back into the octagon as Stevens checks on Plow who pushes the referee away and gets off the car hood himself, barely able to stand as his face is now a pure crimson mask and America smiles as he jabs again at Plow who drops to the ground an America is quick to lock in a choke hold as Plow tries to fight out of it but he has little energy left and starts to slip away.

Benny Newell: This could be it… America has that hold locked in on Plow.

Plow and fading as he can’t hardly breathe and wants to tap out but is fighting the hold trying to stay alive, but we see his eye start to roll into the back of head…


Joe Hoffman: OVER! Plow chokes!

Benny Newell: No! Stevens was close to ringing the bell, but the clock for the round ran out, we are going to a fifth round!

Joe Hoffman: Yes… Fifififththfth….. blah!

Joe’s head slams down on the desk as Benny just takes back his bottle of Jack and takes a drink and shakes his head as Stevens rings the bell for the fifth round. Plow is back on his feet and shaking off the effects of that choke hold as both men are spent, bloody and hell bent on winning as they start just trading punches before Plow drives a knee into the stomach of America and drives an elbow into his face that sends him to the ground. Plow then tries to mount America but America rolls out of the way and locks Plow in a head scissors and starts to again choke him out.

Benny Newell: Choke him out already so I can head back into the arena. I bet Simon is watching this from hiss nice heated office.

Joe Hoffman: Jersey Shore…. Snooki…. Spray tan….

Benny Newell: I don’t even wanna know….

Plow fights and is able to get out of the choke hold as they get back to their feet and Plow hits a hard jab and slams America into another car, but America counters by opening the door and hitting Plow right in the face. But Plow counters by kicking the door back at America and crushing him between door and car.

Benny Newell: back and forth action here as Joe drools on his desk… who is going to walk away with the HOFC title?

America hobbles away from the door as Plow nails a hard right jab followed by a left as America counters with a right and Plow comes in with a kick that shocks America and connects to the side of the head as America is daze and Plow goes to finish it off with a big right but America ducks and counters with a hard jab to Plow and goes for a big kick to the head…


Benny Newell: And we are going to a judges decision in this match!

Joe Hoffman: What? Who won?

Benny Newell: Glad you could rejoin us Joe, no one has one yet, the judges are deciding.

Joe Hoffman: Can I decide on another dr….

Joe leans over to the side of the announce table and starts to hurl as Benny starts to laugh as we see Chicago MMA fighter Felica Herrig come out with the judges decision card and hand it over to Bryan McVay as Stevens stands inbetween both men, awaiting the results.

Bryan Mcvay: This match has gone to judge’s decision…. Scoring this match 48 to 47…. The winner of this match….. by unanimous decision….. Mike Plow!!!! Your NEW, HOW HOFC Champion!!!

America is in shock as Plow arm is raised and he is handed the HOFC title which he quickly climbs onto the roof of one of the cars and raises the title above his head in celebration.

Benny Newell: Well in his first title defense America loses the title to Plow who has pulled off what could be called an upset against the HOW veteran America.


Benny Newell: Well we are finished with matches tonight, but we still have Ryan Faze testifying in the Lee Best trial…. So make sure you all stay tuned for what should be very interesting.


Tonights show has been sponsored by 1800MAXKAEL..up next Kael and Sparrow INSIDE THE COLISEUM!


Sparrows Perch

The camera cuts to ringside where a very drunk Benny Newell and Joe Hoffman stare directly into the camera with glazed over and very confused expressions on the face.

Joe Hoffman: FOLKS! That’s it.. I think.. let me check my notes…

Joe Hoffman begins pulling tissue paper out of a kleenex box near him and examining the patterns on them. Benny Newell burps, farts then spits on the ground before he leans toward Joe.

Benny Newell: Joe.. you’re an idiot.

Joe Hoffman: Wha-.. what? You’re.. you’re like.. like Not very nice..

Benny reaches out and snatches one of the knapkins away from Joe before flipping it up.

Benny Newell: You’re reading your notes upside down Joe! You’re a fucking light weight.

Newell picks up his bottle of Jack and tips the bottle way back as he downs what is left of the contents. As he is leaning back he eventually loses his balance and falls straight back crashing down onto the floor while his feet dangle up in the air next to Joe who seems oblivious.

Joe Hoffman: ..Oh you’re right! Thanks Benny.. up next the much awaited Sparrow’s Perch, another Lee Best Trial clip and you’re local weather.. Uh oh..

Joe Hoffman promptly faceplants into the desk in front of him before the sound of two middle aged men snoring can be heard.The action cuts to inside the Kallisten Arena. The near EMPTY Kallisten Arena. Standing in the middle of the ring with Louis the Little Person (who is decked out in a black suit with a white dress shirt with the top button undone) is Simon Sparrow. Sparrow is currently wearing a purple shirt, jeans, a black sweater vest, and a black silk tie. Sparrow brings up the microphone.

Simon Sparrow: Welcome to the Sparrow’s Perch!!!

Simon Sparrow looks around the empty arena. The sound of clapping is heard. Sparrow looks over at the distance and the sole person in the stands is Milo, the Janitor.

Simon Sparrow: Thanks Milo. Unfortunately, the Emperor of Garden Gnomes and Parking Lot Litter, Max Kael has decided to once again abuse what little power he has and exile myself and Louis to the confines of the Ka—the Kall–the Best Arena until Turmoil goes off the air.

Louis the Little Person: The fucking little bitch!

Simon Sparrow: He also forbade me from mentioning a certain program Canada Dry is helping me institute with regards to individuals abusing certain substances. And he is also is preventing me from giving my thoughts on the Wolfgang Bruggemann situation! Like how under my leadership, integrity has been restored to the HOW Championship by—

Louis the Little Person: By some amnesiac bimbo who’s engaged to your former tag team partner whose family fucked you up a couple of months ago?

Simon Sparrow: Since you put it that way….

Simon Sparrow lowers the microphone for a moment as he ponders the logic that has come from Louis the Little Person’s mouth.

Simon Sparrow: You know what? Back to Max…

Louis the Little Person: Fucking tyrannical prick!!!

Simon Sparrow: Exactly! And he was even going to prevent the airing of “The Sparrow’s Perch”!

Louis the Little Person: That motherfucker!

Simon Sparrow turns to Louis the Little Person.

Simon Sparrow: Thank you for the colorful commentary, Louis, but I think I can take it from here.

Louis the Little Person: Well…fuck you very much, Simon.

Simon Sparrow rolls his eyes before turning back towards the camera.

Simon Sparrow: But in order to host “The Sparrow’s Perch”, I had to make one tiny concession. So….without further interruption may I present to you….the very first guest of The Sparrow’s Perch….Max Stale…I mean, Max Kael.

The HOV comes to life showing the Emperor of the HOW Grounds standing in the parking lot. There’s a small graphic on the lower right hand corner of the screen that reads “Live via Satellite”.

Simon Sparrow: You must be pleased with yourself, preventing me from leaving the arena until the end of the show.

Max Kael: Hello there! I see you are hanging out with all your friends in there. Well, Mr. Sparrow, I have to say that it is fitting that you would have your Emperor, Maximillian Kael, as your first guest seeing as how I am eclipsing you in every way including stealing your own show. And I-

Suddenly from off camera a naked man appears running past Max who has a bewildered look on his face. The man is quickly chased by two guards who huff it past Max as the streaker is seen running off bare assed into the distance. Louis the Little Person gives Sparrow a look that says he fully expected the freaks to turn up while Max Kael runs the show.

Max Kael: ..uh.. Anyway I just wanted you to know that I have been thinking and well, why not up this little game of ours. A little gamble if you will..

Simon Sparrow: A gamble….

Louis the Little Person: FUCKING A!!! SIMON SPARROW IS THE GM!!! HE ACCEPTS!!!

Simon Sparrow: Yeah! Wait….what?


Max Kael: Silence your gnome, Sparrow!!! Otherwise, I will be forced to send Sir Jethro of the Parking Area Green Rows thirty eight to forty two to smite him with the Dagger of Manos!!!

Louis the Little Person: If you were here, I would punch you in the fucking groin! Oh wait! On second thought, I wouldn’t want my hand to get stuck in your fucking vagina!!!

Max Kael: Such insolence!!! By order of the Emperor of HOW, I, Maximillian Kael, he who has one more testicle than Simon Sparrow hereby proclaim Sparrow’s elfish gnome to be banished from—


Louis the Little Person clenches his mouth shut and his face becomes redder and redder with anger.

Simon Sparrow: And Max! Talk to me!!! What are your terms?

Max Kael: Should you lose in your match against Mike Plow, you not only lose your parking space, but you must also hand over the Undefeated Against Darkwing title to me on the following Turmoil!!!

Simon Sparrow: I gave that belt to a sick child in stands MONTHS ago.

Max Kael: And…?

Simon Sparrow: FINE!!! If Mike Polly-O

Louis the Little Person: Plow.

Simon Sparrow: Palau.

Louis the Little Person: Plow.

Simon Sparrow: Polly Wanna Cracker.

Louis the Little Person: PLOW!!!

Simon Sparrow turns to Louis the Little Person.

Simon Sparrow: Didn’t I tell you to be quiet???

Simon Sparrow turns back to the High Octane Vision.

Simon Sparrow: Very well. If Mike Polly-Wolly-Ding-Dong defeats me, I will present to you the UAD Title. But if YOU lose your match against Justin Decent, you not only lose all rights to the Internet Title, but you will be required to make a seventy-five thousand dollar contribution to the HOW Substance Abuse Program that I am spearheading!

Max Kael: If that’s how you want to play it, then let’s make it MORE interesting. If you lose next week, you lose your parking space, you hand over the UAD Title PLUS you will kneel before your Emperor, the Paragon, Max Kael and pledge your loyalty to Maxopotamia….AND Louis must wear stiletto heeled pumps in order to raise his height to five feet tall!!!

Louis the Little Person: FUCK THAT SH—

Simon Sparrow: ACCEPTED!!! On the grounds that if you lose, on top of losing the Internet Title and making that donation, you also have a plaque stating “SIMON SPARROW IS BETTER THAN MAX KAEL” placed on the HOW Grounds AND you must wear an elf uniform and perform the hokey pokey to bunch a sick children which will be aired at a future Turmoil!!!

Max Kael prepares to respond but is immediately cut off by Simon Sparrow.

Simon Sparrow: AND ANOTHER THING….IF you lose next week, you will also have to wear a dress and make out with Benny Newell the following week on Turmoil!!!

Max Kael: OH YEAH???

Simon Sparrow: YEAH!!!

Max Kael: ACCEPTED!!! Provided that on top of all the previous stipulations I have mentioned you

to have a statue of Max Kael standing on top of Simon Sparrow placed within the Kalisten Coliseum/Best Arena!

Simon Sparrow: Is that all? I—

Max Kael: NO!!! If you lose against Mike Plow, you will also forfeit your right to compete for the ICON Championship as long as I hold the title!!!

Simon Sparrow’s face contorts to disgust as Louis the Little Person shakes his head no, telling Sparrow not to do it.

Max Kael: Unless you would like to admit now before the world that your Emperor has once again—-

Simon Sparrow: FINE!!! I ACCEPT THE TERMS!!!

A look of satisfaction appears on the face of Max Kael.

Simon Sparrow: I’m confident in that you are facing a man who has gone undefeated in the HOW…until he faced me. So, keep in mind, if you lose to him, that makes me better than you.

Max Kael: NEVER!!!!

Simon Sparrow: We’ll see. I accept your terms! Do you accept mine?

Max Kael: Yes.

Simon Sparrow: Excellent. OH! One more thing, Maxi-Pad….Next week, your knock out match in the Best Invitational against Justin Decent….it will be for the ICON Title!!! Good luck!!! CUT THE SATELLITE FEED!!!

Max Kael’s face is one of shock and before he can respond, the feed it cut.

Louis the Little Person: That should show that fuckface cumstain who really run things!

Simon Sparrow: And as far as Wolfgang Bruggemann is concerned—

Louis the Little Person: He’s just a pussy ass bitch if he quits!

Simon Sparrow: Um….not the words I would have chosen….

“Everybody Wants You” blares across the empty arena and Louis the Little Person and Simon Sparrow exit the ring and Turmoil fades to black.




As the live portion of Thursday Night Turmoil comes to an end, the bonus footage begins with the words PREVIOUSLY RECORDED flashing in white letters over a black screen.

Suddenly, we transition to a familiar location; the Cook County Courthouse where dozens of men and women – employees and wrestlers alike of High Octane Wrestling, – have already offered their testimonies for the nationally recognized trial of Lee Best.

The courtroom is buzzing with speculation this morning; a constant at this stage in the trial and something that can be attributed to drastic variations in testimony from recent HOW superstars such as Max Kael, Mario Maurako, and Scottywood. Were the incalculable number of allegations against Lee Best truly performed in the name of entertainment? Or were there real crimes being committed here? These were questions that Illinois State Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald would continue to address with today’s witness.

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Order! Order in the court!

A hush slowly but surely falls over the people in attendance as the honorable judge smacks his gavel against the wooden plank on his desk.

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Before we resume the proceedings, I’d like to respond to a request made to the Court by counsel yesterday and remind everyone – particularly the gallery – that any statement or demonstration made that would disrupt the proceedings is strictly prohibited. I will not tolerateanyone who makes a mockery of my Court, so I suggest that we all learn from the disaster that occurred with our last witness and move forward. Individuals that fail to comply with the rules and regulations of the Court will be dismissed from the court room and prosecuted immediately upon removal.

Patrick Fitzgerald: Thank you, Your Honor. At this time, the State would like to call Mr. Ryan Faze to the stand.

Given his history with the “Phenomenal One”, the expression written across Lee’s face is a look of concern and worry as the rear doors to the court room open and Faze walks in, dressed in a fashionable Armani pin-striped suit. While his attire speaks that he’s strictly here for business, his face appears droopy and tired. Baggy, swollen eyes and pale white cheeks are potential indicators that his recent Detox treatments for his addiction to Vicodin were primarily unsuccessful. Regardless, Ryan is escorted to the witness stand next to Judge Biebel by one of the many Illinois state police officers in attendance and is sworn in by the Bailiff before taking his seat.

Patrick Fitzgerald: Please state your name and occupation for the record.

Ryan Faze: Ryan Faze. I’m a wrestler for High Octane Wrestling.

Patrick Fitzgerald: And how long have you been employed by HOW?

Ryan Faze: Since December of 2008… so – what’s that – almost 15 months?

Patrick Fitzgerald: Correct. Would you agree that that’s a long enough time period to have gained a vast amount of knowledge and experience in your company?

Ryan Faze: I would say so, yes – especially thanks to my tenures as Road Agent and General Manager of HOW.

Patrick Fitzgerald: For the record, how long did those tenures last?

Ryan Faze: Uh – 1 and 5 months, respectively.

Patrick Fitzgerald: So 6 months out of the 15 you’ve been employed by High Octane Wrestling were spent in a position of authority?

Ryan Faze: That’s right.

Patrick Fitzgerald: And how would you describe your relationship with Lee Best?

A vindictive look initially appears on the face of Ryan Faze as Lee’s name is mentioned.

Ryan Faze: Hostile-

Ryan says in a trembling manner as the “Faze of HOW” and “God of HOW” exchange glances with other. You can see the rage building up inside of Lee as his face becomes deep red in color, but as Faze continues, any concerns and ill-will toward the “Phenomenal One” quickly – and surprisingly – disappear.

Ryan Faze: -definitely hostile, but only in our on-screen roles.

This even surprises Mr. Fitzgerald, who could have banked on a reliable testimony from Faze if his life depended on it.

Ryan Faze: Off-screen, Lee and I have shared a professional relationship with each other that resulted in my standing as his longest reigning “number 2”, if you will-

Patrick Fitzgerald: I’m sorry. Number 2? Can you please clarify that for the jury?

Ryan Faze: You know… right hand man? I guess you could say I was Joe Biden to his Barack Obama, but without – you know – the recession and everything. In fact, Lee and I proved HOW to be quite profitable during our collaboration.

Lee’s face lights up and it appears that if a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders as Faze continues with his testimony.

Patrick Fitzgerald: That’s interesting, considering Mr. Best held your sister Sabina at ransom against you to force you to donate to his cause during the HOW Bidding War, didn’t he?

Lee Best: Objection! The Prosecution is leading the witness.

Judge Paul P. Biebel, Jr.: Sustained. Mr. Fitzgerald, please rephrase your question.

Patrick Fitzgerald: Very well. Mr. Faze, is it true that Lee Best held your sister at ransom to force you to donate to his cause during the HOW Bidding War?

Ryan Faze: Yes, but for storyline purposes only. All parties involved, including Sabina, complied willingly with the storyline for the sake of entertainment. All funds that were donated to Lee on my behalf were strictly voluntary.

Patrick Fitzgerald: Mmm-hmm… and speaking of Sabina, tell us exactly where she is today.

Confident in his previous response, Ryan pauses at the mention of his now-deceased sibling and once again, Lee grows concerned.

Ryan Faze: She’s – she’s dead.

Patrick Fitzgerald: And when – exactly – did she die, Mr. Faze?

Ryan Faze: I – I don’t know. July… maybe?

Patrick Fitzgerald: July 16th, 2009 – to be exact. The night of Thursday Night Turmoil. Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, she died in the ring on live television that night, all because Lee Best orderedAceldama to put a hit on Issac Slade.

Lee Best: Objection! Sabina’s death was ruled as accidental. Neither I, nor that fuck-stick Aceldama, were charged, despite the fact that he should’ve been for killing her stone cold.

A commotion ensues in the courtroom as Ryan stares blankly at Lee Best, trying to figure out whether or not he should believe him in the case of his sister’s death.

Judge Paul P. Biebel, Jr.: Order! ORDER in the court! Mr. Best, evidence does support your objection, therefore it is sustained. Counsel, please continue.

Patrick Fitzgerald: Yes, your Honor. Now Ryan, would you consider the Kallisten Coliseum – formerly known to all as the Best Arena – a dangerous work environment?

Ryan Faze: Not at all.

Patrick Fitzgerald: So you’ve never witnessed anything illegal within the confines of the building? You’ve never… sustained any serious injuries while working for the company?

Ryan Faze: Nope.

Patrick Fitzgerald: According to your file, it says that you’ve sustained a multitude of injuries that have been a direct result of you competing in High Octane Wrestling…

Ryan Faze: So? Hundreds of athletes get injured every day. Doesn’t matter if it’s wrestling, basketball, or figure skating. It comes with the territory.

Patrick Fitzgerald: That’s not what I was getting at. Mr. Faze, is it true that these injuries have led to an addiction to painkillers? That these injuries have caused you to pursue the purchase of these drugs illegally and recreationally?

Ryan Faze: Yes – and I’ve gotten treatment for…

Patrick Fitzgerald: Only by the intervention of your brother, who you recently Fazeplanted during an episode of Thursday Night Turmoil!

Lee Best: Objection!

Judge Paul P. Biebel, Jr.: Over-ruled. Mr. Fitzpatrick, please get to the point. And please, don’t interrupt the witness.

Patrick Fitzgerald: Your Honor… Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury… my point is against the credibility of this witness; that a well-known, selfish drug abuser – a man that has turned against his own family – should have absolutely no bearing on the outcome of this trial.

Clearly, the game plan for Mr. Fitzgerald had changed in interrogating Ryan as indicated by his sweating brow and rouse in temper.

Judge Paul P. Beibel, Jr.: Mr. Faze, how do you respond these accusations?

Ryan Faze: Well – I, uh – first of all, I love my brother Griffin. Again, anything that airs on our television shows is done strictly for the entertainment of our viewers. Griffin and I maintain – erm – heh – a wonderful relationship… and the fact that I’ve had a history of knee problems and painkiller abuse has absolutely no relevance to this trial. In fact, if you look a little bit deeper into things, you’ll see that Lee has given not only myself, but all of his wrestlers and staff the opportunity for advancement within his company. He’s given us all the opportunity to succeed, whereas his brother Mike unreasonably terminated me from my position as General Manager. Lee Best is a fair employer… and not only that, but a great businessman as well. I can say with all confidence that he should be acquitted of all charges.

Patrick Fitzgerald: (sighing) Your Honor, I have no further questions.

Judge Paul P. Biebel, Jr.: Very well. Mr. Best, do you wish to cross-examine the witness?

Lee stands up proudly from his chair with a smile on his face as Faze maintains his focus on his boss as he does so.

Lee Best: No questions, Your Honor.

Judge Paul P. Biebel, Jr.: Then we shall reconvene at this time tomorrow with the interrogation of Tim Shipley Court is adjourned.

A smack of the gavel releases the masses in the courtroom and Lee immediately exhales a deep sigh of relief; the fact that Ryan Faze testified on his behalfa complete shock to him. As his handcuffs are reapplied and he is escorted out of the court room, he catches Faze out of the corner of his eye loosening up his tie. Faze is quick to make eye contact with him and is swift unbuttoning his suit jacket, only to reveal a black Best Alliance t-shirt that he had been sporting all along.

As much as a surprise this would be to the fans of HOW, it’s as equally surprising – if not more – to Lee that the “Phenomenal One” would propose an alliance with him after all he’s done in the past to make his life hell. And such was the end to yet another astonishing testimony within confines of the Cook County Courthouse.


Next week Lee Best will be LIVE inside the Kallisten Coliseum, Bobbinette Carey and Mario Maurako will wed to start the show and the main event will see Bobbinette Carey defending the World Title against….her husband Mario Maurako!!

Show Details

Kallisten Coliseum

Chicago, Illinois

Show times

  • 9:00PM