Turmoil: February 11th, 2010 (2010)

Weekly Show | 120 Min

Show Transcript

Thursday Night Turmoil
February 11th, 2010 – #HOW106
Kallisten Coliseum, Chicago, IL


All Hail the GM

The HOTv logo fades out and we fade in live inside the Kallisten Coliseum…..

The cameras pan across the near sold out arena and the fans that are in attendance are standing and cheering loudly and then they go quiet as the lights dim. Yellow spotlights illuminate the ramp from the curtain to ringside. “Everybody Wants You” by Billy Squier blares across the arena as Simon Sparrow and Louis the Little Person emerge from the curtain and make their way down the ramp to a mixture of cheers and boos from the crowd. Simon Sparrow is wearing a tan suit, a gold dress shirt, and a black paisley tie. Louis, who looks very pissed off and gives off a vibe that he doesn’t even want to be at the Kallisten Arena, is wearing a black turtleneck under a black sports coat and black dress pants. Both men are carrying a microphone as they walk towards the ring but Louis the Little Person is also carrying a briefcase.

Joe Hoffman: We are LIVE in the Kallisten Arena and we have quite the show for you tonight!

Benny Newell: If tonight’s Turmoil begins with midget tossing, it will be the greatest Turmoil in HOW history!

Simon Sparrow and Louis the Little Person enter the ring. A yellow spotlight shines down on the center of the ring and Sparrow basks in the cheers and jeers of the HOW fans in attendance. The music fades out, the spotlights fade out and the ringside lights fade up.

Simon Sparrow: Tonight marks the greatest moment in television history! Yes, I am referring to the premiere episode of “Survivor: Heroes versus Villains”!!! I have my Tivo set to watch it when I get back home and I am hoping it will be awesome! Go Russell!

The fans in attendance, by their silence, clearly show Simon Sparrow that really don’t care for “Survivor”.

Simon Sparrow: But talking about “Survivor” reminds me of my old “Starrvivor: Maurako” teammate, Mario Maurako. You see, last week, I lost control. I was in a position to use my power for personal gain a la Scottywood and Lee Best. For that, I apologize….but in that angry state of mind, I had a thought….

I had mentioned last week, depending on how much money was raised at the telethon by CARIO….or CARAKO….depending on which camp you fall into….I would make an announcement. Since CARIO or CARAKO met the one million dollar mark, Canada Dry has decided to donate five hundred thousand dollars to help establish HOW’s first substance abuse program.

Simon Sparrow: Being both General Manager of the HOW and a recovering alcoholic, when I was with the HOW several years ago, there were no programs to help. With the help of Canada Dry, we can help all HOW wrestlers who struggle with addiction, get the help that they deserve. We will establish a twenty-four hour assistance program, trips to rehab and treatment facilities, and, of course, we will cover the cost of any medical attention needed as the result of the addiction.

Addiction has been a problem within the HOW since it debuted! It was rumored that both times HOW Hall of Famer Lynx quit while holding the HOW Championship, it was because of a painkiller addiction….or maybe it was PCP….I’m don’t quite remember. And then there’s Tim Shipley and Ryan Faze and Benny Newell and

Joe Hoffman: Benny?

Benny Newell: What? I’m not addicted! I’m just not a quitter!

Simon Sparrow: …and then there’s Trent, who has disappeared. That being said, there is still a lot of time and effort that will go into making this a reality, so keep your fingers crossed.

Simon Sparrow smiles as the fans show their appreciation, even the normally surly Louis the Little Person is giving Sparrow a golf clap.

Simon Sparrow: Thank you. Thank you. Now, onto more pressing matters, there are several people within the HOW organization who feel that I am not up to the task as General Manager. That I do not command respect, that I have no real authoritative power, and etcetera and so forth.

The first person on that list is Scottywood. Well, Scotty, you have defeated the Brothers of the Beast and they will not get a rematch until they earn one. As it stands right now, the number one contenders for the Tag Team Titles are…..The Maurakos!

The crowd shows their displeasure by booing the name “Maurako”.

Simon Sparrow: I was going to come out here and announce that their HOW Tag Team Title shot since technically their contract stated they must raise one million dollars. Add into it, that they technically received the one million dollars BEFORE the telethon began and the contract clearly stated during.

Yeah, there’s still a lingering amount of resentment from when they ruined my return match all those weeks ago. I’m pretty sure I could have sold Mike Best on the idea….but I decided to reword the contract for them. So, the Maurakos have their shot!

To make it more interesting, I would like to propose the following stipulation for tonight’s HOW Championship match. Should Bobbinette Carey defeat Wolfgang Bruggemann…..Mario Maurako will get the right to choose the stipulation for the match. Should Wolfgang Bruggemann defeat Bobbinette Carey, then the stipulation for the Tag Team Title Match between the Maurakos and Cool Reality will be chosen by………….


The crowd shows a mixed reaction between cheers and jeers.

Simon Sparrow: The way I see tonight’s main event….it’s a win-win. If Wolfgang loses, we have a new champion…a more respectable champion. Let me repeat…a MORE respectable champion. Bobbinette Carey as HOW Champion will completely change the landscape of the Best Invitational. We will no longer have a felon representing us as champion! We will no longer have a THIEF as champion! A thief AND arsonist to boot! That’s right, Wolfgang. What you did last week, burning my contract, I’m calling that ARSON. Just another crime you can add to your little rap sheet.

That being said, earlier I had mentioned that tonight marked the greatest night in TV history, right? Now that my General Manager duties are somewhat handled…..I have another major announcement!!!

Simon Sparrow looks at the crowd before continuing in order to build up suspense.

Simon Sparrow: Next week, as per order of your General Manager, I will bring you the debut of THE SPARROW

Louis the Little Person: I liked the other name better.

Simon Sparrow turns towards his pintsized compadre.

Simon Sparrow: GMTV was moronic! And Sparrowdrome was even worse! Worst idea you ever had.

Louis the Little Person: Yeah well….announcing your little fucking interview thing for next week hardly makes tonight the greatest moment in TV history.

Simon Sparrow: Why do always have to question me?

Louis the Little Person: It’s what I do.

Simon Sparrow shakes his head and turns back to the crowd.

Simon Sparrow: Anyway, before I leave you all to enjoy what will most certainly be a great show, especially since Max Kael doesn’t have a match this evening….Louis, would you care to do the honors?

Louis the Little Person opens up the briefcase revealing the Internet Championship he had purloined from Max Kael last week. Simon Sparrow picks up the Internet Title and places it over his left shoulder.

Simon Sparrow: Max Kael. My little friend here was out of line when he stole the Internet Title from you last week. I have to say, it feels good to once again hold this title…..the very first title I ever held in the HOW. But, I am Wolfgang Bruggemann, I do not steal that which does not belong to me. Besides Max, you have only one more week with this title and I want you to have it back. So, after I leave this ring, I will hand the title back to Mike Best and you can pick it up there.

Simon Sparrow looks at the title.

Louis the Little Person: Yeah? Well, Simon here might give you the title back you weaselly little shit! I stole it from you to prove that Simon Sparrow is the PHARAOH!!! Not some fucking Garden Gnome Emperor piece of soaked cumstained tissue like you!!! And you might not want that Internet Title after I rubbed it….

Simon Sparrow kisses the title.

Louis the Little Person: All over my cock while watching Internet Porn!

Simon Sparrow, his lips pressed on the title, immediately drops the belt and begins gagging.

Louis the Little Person: Oh shit, I’m sorry Simon! I didn’t know you were going to kiss the fucking thing.

Benny Newell: That’s the fourth grossest thing I have ever seen!

Simon Sparrow charges out of the ring and heads immediately towards the announce booth.

Joe Hoffman: Where is he going?

Simon Sparrow attempts to grab Benny Newell’s Jack Daniels.

Benny Newell: NO!!! MINE!!!! MINE!!!!

Simon Sparrow and Benny Newell each have a grip on the bottle and strange game of tug of war begins.


Simon Sparrow pulls the Jack Daniels out of Benny’s hands and takes a swig.


Simon Sparrow begins to use the Tennessee whiskey as a mouthwash and he gurgles it before spitting it on the floor.


Simon Sparrow takes another swig and repeats. He hands the bottle back to a clearly upset Benny Newell, who immediately takes the bottle.

Joe Hoffman: You’re not going to—-

Benny Newell takes a swig as Simon Sparrow re-enters the ring.


Benny Newell: It’s alcohol!!! It’s self-cleaning!!!

Simon Sparrow looms over Louis the Little Person and demands that he place the Internet Title back in the briefcase. Louis the Little Person obliges as “Everybody Wants You” blares across the arena as a disgusted Simon Sparrow exits the ring followed by Louis the Little Person.


Official Energy Drink of HOW that keeps the staff going till 5am every Thursday!!


Kirsta Lewis vs. Justin Decent
Singles Match

Back live…

Bryan McVay: Ladies and Gentlemen, your opening contest is scheduled for ONE FALL and will determine the #2 seed in the Darkwing group of the Invitational! Introducing first…

As Bryan McVay proceeds with his introductions of Kirsta Lewis and Justin Decent, Joe and Benny update us on the point standings of the Invitational and the implications of the match we’re about to witness.

Joe Hoffman: Welcome back folks and what a way to start off the show with our GM laying down the low…but now its time for the in ring action and kicking off the action here on Turmoil is the first of our four Invitational matches, three of which will determine seeding and placement into the next round.

Benny Newell: Ya lets not talk about the spilled alcohol again please…but ya… that’s great Joe. But the action I’m looking forward to is more lesbian action with Kirsta Lewis! I’ll tell ya, my arm hurts from jacking off so much that I haven’t been able to sleep since Tuesday night!

Joe Hoffman: That’s, uh… great Benny, thank you for sharing that.

Benny Newell: You’re welcome.

Benny proudly nods while Joe looks as if he’s about to vomit. He takes a brief moment to compose himself.

Joe Hoffman: *ahem* Anyways… we all know that the “Hellcat” is one of the more controversial members of our roster, so you have to wonder if she’ll use her “influence” on Justin Decent to manipulate the outcome of this match.

Benny Newell: Think her and that Megan bitch would give me a Dutch Rudder?

As usual, Joe realizes that Benny is going to be no help in running down the Invitational implications of this match and goes on to explain that whoever wins the match will advance as the #2 seed in the Darkwing group and take on Max Kael in the next round; a match that could very well be for the ICON title.

With Justin Decent and Kirsta Lewis now in the ring, referee Matt Boettcher calls for the bell after a quick check for weapons.

Benny Newell: Man, does Kirsta look hot tonight, or what?!

Joe Hoffman: Well, considering you’re, uh… “standing at attention”… I can only assume the answer is “yes”.

Benny Newell: Ah, who am I kidding asking you… you’re a fucking asexual! I mean, have you even experienced a boner before, Joe?

Expectedly, Joe diverts the question and focuses on the match, which sees Kirsta Lewis perform some teasing gestures on a noticeably smitten Justin Decent. She slides down the waistline of her wrestling tights far enough to reveal nothing… no thong or panties to speak of. Boettcher tries to force the action by urging them to lock up, but Decent’s jaw drops as if he’s in love. The crowd is amused by the strip tease as they know what’s in Justin’s future should he continue to be distracted.

Kirsta, the crafty veteran, waits until just the right moment to strike; when Justin diverts his attention to the crowd.

Joe Hoffman: Hell’s Bitch Kick connects! Lewis is looking to end this one early!

Benny Newell: ONE! TWO!!

Joe Hoffman: No! Decent gets the shoulder up! A near-fall not even a minute into this match up, Buff!

Benny Newell: She had him!

Kirsta seems to think so too as she argues with Boettcher over his count, allowing Decent to rise to his feet with the assistance from the ropes. Still staggering from the Sweet Chin Music he just endured, Decent lunges toward Lewis with a flying forearm and connects to the back of Kirsta’s neck, grounding his much smaller opponent to the mat. Decent pounces, taking the opportunity to apply a rear head lock on the Hellcat.

Joe Hoffman: Justin Decent wisely choosing to apply the submission to give him some time to shake off that Hell’s Bitch Kick…

Unfortunately for Justin, Lewis reverses the hold, applying a head lock of her own as she slips behind her opponent. Decent tries to elbow out, but Kirsta ducks and he spins around from the momentum.

Benny Newell: Double Handed Chokeslam on Decent!

Another pin attempt by Kirsta only earns her another 2-count and she becomes visibly frustrated at Decent’s ability to kick out of her impact moves. Wanting to put Justin away for good, Kirsta climbs to the top rope and calls out to the crowd for the end.

Joe Hoffman: Lewis is looking to put Justin away for good right here! You can really sense her desperation as she rarely takes to the air for any maneuvers…

Benny Newell: Justin’s back on his feet… get him Kirsta!

As Decent shakes the cobwebs, Kirsta leaps off and catches him on the shoulders.

Joe Hoffman: Hurricanrana! No! Decent holds on… POWERBOMB! Decent just Powerbombed Kirsta Lewis!

Smiling at Kirsta’s misfortune, Decent holds her in a very precarious position, imitating sexual gestures with his hips as he applies the cover. Unaware of this, Kirsta is able to kick out after 2.

Benny Newell: Ha ha! DRINK! Come on Joe, we’re witnessing the Live Seks Show, Part 2!

Joe Hoffman: Stop encouraging it, Benny! Folks, put your children to bed if you haven’t done so already. Certainly, we apologize to all the young viewers that have been subject to-

Benny Newell: Whoa, lookout! Kirsta with a roll-up!

Joe Hoffman: And the tights for leverage! One! Two! NOOO! Decent kicks out for a third time!

Justin immediately pops up and is a bit quicker to his feet than Kirsta Lewis, who is holding the back of her head from that devastating Powerbomb she just received. Decent toys with his opponent, kicking and slapping her around the ring as the momentum shifts in his favor with an Impact DDT.

Joe Hoffman: A hook of the leg… NO! Kirsta perseveres yet again with the shoulder up!

Benny Newell: Fuck… I should’ve drank for every pin attempt. I would’ve been buzzing by now and we’ve only gotten started here on Turmoil! Oh well…

Benny takes a swig from his official HOW flask as Kirsta is using the ropes to force Boettcher to force away her opponent. Finally, she pulls herself to her feet and Decent charges, only to be sent flying over the top rope!

Joe Hoffman: Kirsta pulls the rope down!

Kirsta gloats by pointing to her temple, indicating that she’s outsmarted Justin Decent, but what she fails to realize is that Decent was fairly quick to recover the outside.

Back on his feet, Justin reaches under the bottom rope and trips the Hellcat, dragging her out of the ring. He greets her with punches, which stagger Kirsta enough for him to set her up for his Reverse Edge finisher.

Joe Hoffman: God, no! He can’t be serious! He’ll kill her!

Benny Newell: Low blow, anyone? I’ll throw 20 on it, Joe… you in?

Joe Hoffman: Oh my God! Decent just Reverse Edged Lewis on the outside!

Benny Newell: Wow! Did you hear the impact?!? Wait! Uh… no bet!

Satisfied with the punishment that he just administered, Decent slides Kirsta back into the ring, just as Boettcher reaches 9 on his Double Count Out.

Joe Hoffman: Don’t do it Justin! Just spare the woman for Christ’s sake!

Even Matt Boettcher discourages Justin from doing any more damage, as Kirsta appears to be knocked out cold. Oddly enough, Decent obliges. Kneeling next to Lewis, Justin admires her beauty; gently running his fingers through her hair before finally draping his arm across her chest.




Benny Newell: I think he just copped a feel, Joe!

Bryan McVay: Here is your winner in 8:00… JUSTIN DECENT!!!

Joe Hoffman: So Justin Decent advances to the Knockout stage of the Invitational with his big win tonight over Kirsta Lewis. Impressive showing by the youngster, wouldn’t you say Benny?

Benny Newell: Whatever. The little fucker’s a cock-block. Max is going to destroy him next round.

Joe Hoffman: Well, we’ll find if that’s true in 2 weeks, but for now, we’ve got a commotion of sorts backstage, where “The Wrecking Ball of HOW” is standing by!


Message sent..

We cut backstage at The Kallisten Coliseum to find Guy ‘Static’ Stephens knelt down, lay spread eagled in front of him is a lifeless body and Static’s face is covered in blood, his shirt and fists also stained crimson. He’s breathing heavily, his eyes filled with rage. The camera pans out and behind him stands Katrina and Shane, his psychiatrist and personal trainer respectively. The two of them are stood over each of Static’s shoulders. With a look of shock upon their faces as behind them, lies six or seven other lifeless body’s out cold and bloodied. Static isn’t moving, his breathing the only thing that can be heard as the camera focuses on his face.

Joe Hoffman: What the hell is going on here? It looks like a wrecking ball just took out half of the room.

Benny Newell: Not a wrecking ball Joe, THE wrecking ball….DRINK!

As Benny takes a drink from his glass, Static is still knelt down, he raises his hands, unclenching them he runs his hands over the top of his head and lets out a sigh. He looks at his blood stained hands.

Static: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It’s been 24 years since my last confession.

Katrina: That’s it Guy, let it all out.

Shane shakes his head, shocked at what he is hearing he remains speechless. Static’s eyes remain filled with anger and hatred as he continues to speak.

Static: I’ve disgraced myself, I should never have been so sure of myself. I made a mockery of myself in front of thousands of people. Johnny Legend defeated me because of my stupidity. Not again though, not again will I suffer defeat at the hands of my own stupidity. I shall not be seen to be weak.

Static punches out at the lifeless body in front of him, splatters of blood hitting his face and the camera also. Static looks up at the ceiling, before locking eyes with the camera.

Static: It’s because of my stupidity that I lost and I can assure everyone that lightning certainly does not strike twice. Especially on this occasion, Guy ‘Static’ Stephens does not, NOT! Make the same mistake twice. Johnny Legend you were a lucky man to survive last week, let alone win. You have my respect on that matter, but don’t get cocky, because next time we meet in the ring. You won’t be so lucky, now onto something that still plagues my mind.

Static moves his hair from his face, Shane still stood speechless while Katrina just nod’s in agreement with Statics every word.

Static: Dawn McGill is LSD champion yet I still haven’t seen this woman in person. She doesn’t even defend herself despite what I said about her two weeks ago. This tells me something, something I can sense. That of course is fear, she fear’s me and if she doesn’t, she certainly should do. This is me making a statement. I will not rest, I will not stop, I will not spare any thoughts, feelings or bodies. I will destroy anything and everything in my path. Dawn McGill, your time as LSD champion is at an end. You won via nothing more than a fluke, and your luck has run out. It’s time for us to meet in the ring. Its time you were taught women should be on the outside of the ring, cheering on. Not inside the ring, trying to stand there ground. If you don’t believe me, watch Bobbinette Carey be slaughtered in the Main Event tonight. That’s if I don’t bump into you first.

Static stands up, smirking as Shane continues to shake his head in disbelief. Katrina places her arm around Static pulling him away as the three begin to leave the room. The camera pans down at the body that Static was knelt down over, it’s nobody important, but the message is simple, as the persons shirt reads ‘Dawn McGill – LSD Champion’ and spray painted underneath are the words ‘Not For Long’

Benny and Joe begin arguing over the fact that Static is returning to his old self. With Joe arguing he’s chaotic and needs institutionalized and Benny arguing back that it’s great to see and Dawn McGill is probably in hiding after seeing this as the camera fades out over the broken bodies, and then to black.


Join the post show HOR tonight after Turmoil goes off the air!!


A challenge from the Champion…and a surprise

Back live and the crowd cheers LSD Champion Dawn McGill, title belt slung over her shoulder as she and co-MVW Tag Team Champion Jackie Daniels makes their way to the ring.

Joe Hoffman: “There she is. The LSD Champion looking tanned and very relaxed in her first HOW appearance since winning the title from Tim Shipley.

Benny Newell: “I’m hiding the Jack Daniels.”

Jackie stands behind Dawn as the LSD Champion prepares to speak.

Dawn McGill: “HELLO, CHICAGO!”

Crowd: “HELLO!”

Dawn McGill: “Static. I’m here. Come out, come out wherever you are. It’s not like I brought out Johnny Legend or anything. I really don’t have anything to say to you because I do my talking inside the ring. All you’ve done for the past two weeks is bluster about this and that and what have you actually done in the ring…oh, yeah, you lost to Johnny Legend. Before I beat Shipley who did I lose to? Let’s see, Max Kael twice. David Black when he was the LSD Champion. Kirsta Lewis- let’s see, she’s ranked 8th in world wrestling rankings. And then Cobra who also just happens to be the WWA World Champion. Notice a difference? That’s right…no Johnny Legend. So my advice to you is simple, shut your pie-hole and try to…you know…win a match. Talk is cheap, Static, and right now your stock is sitting at about two cents.”

McGill holds up the LSD belt as suddenly the HOV comes alive and we see HOW security escorting none other than Static from the building..

Joe Hoffman: Folks I have just learned that the man that Static took out earlier tonight….oh my god…he wasn’t supposed to be here……it…it was Mike Best?!!

Security finishes escorting Static from the Kallisten Coliseum as McGill and the rest of the fans have a shocked look on their face as the action cuts away.


The American General?

Christopher America was sitting in his dressing room. He had just spent the last hour sitting at his table sorting out all his pills for the next week. The pills looked like Skittles and definitely made Christopher feel like he could taste a rainbow. He was now clasping the Ziploc bags together and putting them away in their respective places. He took great care as to not disrupt his system.

An untimely knock at the door occurred. Christopher sat his pillbox on the table and walked to the door. Christopher opened the door. He grabbed the door frame and leaned out into the hallway. He turned to his right and then to his left. No one.

Christopher looked down and saw a white bulldog with an army helmet on. A yellow posted note was stuck to the front of the army helmet. Christopher picked it up and read the wording.

Chris –

Please take care of my dog. He will help you as he has helped me.


Christopher made a disgusted face after reading the note. He looked down at the white drooling mass before him. Christopher slowly backed into his door and motioned for the dog to enter. The dog did not move. After bobbing his head, the universal symbol for, “Well, let’s go already,” Christopher walked over, picked up the dog by the stomach and placed him inside the apartment.

Christopher circled the dog, who just looked at him. Thinking that he might be dead, Christopher walked over and nudged the dog with his foot. The dog fell to the side as if he was a cow being tipped over by some rednecks. The dog laid there and sighed.

Christopher jumped back and got a kendo stick from a locker. He poked the dog who seemed to ignore the prodding.

Christopher: FINE!

Christopher threw the kendo stick against the wall and sat back down at the table. He was measuring the amount of water he would need to take his medication. After pouring the exact amount, Christopher downed the water and pills.

Dog: Woof!

Christopher: No.

Dog: Woof!

Christopher: God, damn. Will you shut up? I know I got to train!

Christopher stopped, looked up from the table and slowly turned his head 120 degrees. He looked at the dog who was now standing upright.

Dog: Woof!

Christopher: You can talk?

Dog: Woof!

Christopher: That’s incredible! Do you know how much money I could—

Dog: Woof!

Christopher: Manager?

Dog: Woof!

Christopher: The last time I had a manager. He sent me to the bad place.

Dog: Woof!

Christopher: No, nothing was in my butt.

Dog: Woof!

Christopher: You promise not to screw me over?

Dog: Woof!

Christopher: Okay. You can accompany me to the ring, but just remember: no funny business.

Dog: Woof!

Christopher: What should I call you, then?

Dog: Woof!

Christopher: The General, huh? Has a nice ring to it.

America and General exit the room as Turmoil heads to commercial as up next is Christopher America taking on Erites Kallisten!!


Airing live from the Roman Coliseum on March 22nd only on HOTv!!


Christopher America vs. Erites Kallisten
Singles Match

We return from commercial break as we zoom on Benny Newell and Joe Hoffman seated behind the announcers position.

Benny Newell: What is up next!?

Joe Hoffman: It would seem that we have Erites Kallisten and Christopher America up next for the Best Invitational. The winner of this match will be moving on as the top seed of their division where they will face either one of the Faze brothers or a member of the Maurako Family.

Benny Newell: So I have to choose between America and Kallisten!?

Joe Hoffman: Looks like it Benny.

Benny Newell: Fuck a duck.. well.. I am going to have to go America because that Bitch Kallisten still thinks his arena is named after her.

Joe Hoffman: That’s because it is, Benny.

Benny Newell: Shut your smelly pirate hooker mouth, Joe, this is the Best Arena!

Hoffman looks confused as we cut to the main stage where Christopher America can be seen making his way down to the ring with the bulldog General at his side. America looks confused as to why it is next to him however the dog seems to plod happily along with him. Suddenly several members of HOW security step out move in front of America holding him at the stage. There is an exchange of words before the security members before they are able to take the dog backstage. America seems confused at first before he starts back down toward the ring .

Benny Newell: What the fuck, they wouldn’t let him bring his dog down!?.. wait.. when did America get a dog!?

Joe Hoffman: Weren’t you paying attention to the segment before this match!?

Benny Newell: Honesty cap?

Joe Hoffman:..yes the Honest Cap, Benny.

Benny Newell: Fuck no. Some bitch in row six was flashing me!

Joe Hoffman: Row six?.. Good lord, Benny, that’s Charles Pottomus, the World’s Second Fattest Man!

Benny Newell:..oh fuck me..

Next out is Erites as her music pumps over the P.A. system however what the crowd is expecting and what they get is something totally different. Erites jumps out onto the stage decked out in a very impressive looking Wonder Woman outfit complete with tiara and a golden whip. She plays up to the crowd which gives her a strong response. As the camera focuses on America it is clear he is some what glazed over as he gawks at the red, white and blue clad Erites.

Benny Newell:.. Joe..?

Joe Hoffman: Yes Benny?

Benny Newell: I appear to have messed myself and need another pair of pants. Can you ask a stage hand.. I’m.. still.. uh.. preoccupied over here.

Joe Hoffman: BENNY!

Erites slides into the ring and waves to America who swallows hard and does his best to try and collect himself for the match. Joel Hortega signals for the bell as E and America move toward the center of the ring. America ties up with Erites however when she blows him a kiss he is momentarily caught off guard.


Erites quickly drops for the cover on America as he clutches his jewels.




America easily rolls his shoulder up as Erites keeps to the offensive with a series of stiff forearms to her opponents head before hitting a flipping leg drop across his chest. America rolls toward the ropes while Hortega warns Erites away from attacking him while he is in the ropes. Erites turns to the crowd and pumps them up a America slowly pulls himself up still favoring his groin. With Erites distracted America jumps forward and nails a stiff Sleeper Slam driving the back of her head into the mat with authority!

The crowd boos loudly as America jumps back up to his feet and looks down at Erites with a cocky expression mixed with irritation that he let her distract him. He jumps off the ropes and hits an American Elbow drop followed by a float over for the cover..




It is now Erites turn to throw her shoulder up however America takes it in relative stride by rolling over her head and locking on a headlock. He slowly works the smaller woman back up to her feet before backing her up into a corner throwing her head back against the top turn buckle. Erites holds her head and crumbles down to her knees only to get an American Boot to the side of her head. Crumbling down into the corner Hortega finally manages to wedge himself between E and America forcing him back.

America throws his hands into the air as he backs off with a smirk on his face while Erites slowly pulls herself up in the corner while holding her head. Shoving Hortega out of the way America hits a stiff American close line on Erites which smashes her back down into the mat as the crowd boos loudly. America steps back up to his feet and puts his foot on the side of Erites’ head literally stepping on her head slowly.

Erites thrashes and screams loudly as Hortega drops down to see if she is giving up. After a few agonizing moments of her head by stepped on by America she finally is freed when America stomps on her temple. Swaggering around her in the ring America drops down and places his hand on her chest as he counts with Hortega..




The spunky wonder woman clad Erites ones again manages to get her arm up. America doesn’t seem overly worried as he climbs back up to his feet and drags Erites up with her. Smirking out at the crowd he sends her into the ropes and catches her return for an American Spinebuster!


Erites plants America in the center of the ring with a big time DDT counter which lays both her and the stunned American out. The crowd comes to their feet as they cheer for Erites who rolls toward the ropes with a groggy expression. America’s hands g to his head as it is clear that he is trying to clear the clouds from his brain. Using the ropes Erites pulls herself up to her feet while America manages to get up to his feet on his own power.

Erites charges forward toward America! America counters and shoves her over the top rope! She hangs on and manages to land on the edge of the ring. America s unaware as he stumbles away pointing to his head as if he knows he outsmarted her. He turns back toward her..


America is planted as the springy Erites catches him in the springboard flipping neckbreaker aka Blockbuster. Erites reaches over and covers America..




The crowd boos as Hortega motions that it was merely a two count. Erites looks defeated however she pulls herself over into the corner as America twitches. While Hortega checks on America Erites can be seen grabbing the golden lasso for her Wonder Woman outfit…

America slowly stumbles up to his feet while Hortega backs off. Erites shoves America from the back causing him to run into Hortega knocking him to the ground. America looks confused when Erites throws the lasso around his neck and drags him to the ground before covering up the golden cord with her arm as if he was in a sleeper hold!

Hortega shakes his head and gets back up to his feet seeing America slowly turning read while tiny Erites seems to be holding him in a plain sleeper hold. As soon as America sees Hortega he starts to frantically slap Erite’s arm while trying to convey that she is choking him however Hortega registers it as tapping out!


Erites rolls over America and skillfully unwraps the cord allowing America to breath without showing Hortega. Tossing the golden lasso away she holds her hands up in the air while America coughs and breaths loudly while crawling to the ropes.

Benny Newell: That was the hottest amount of bullshit I have ever seen! She choked him!

Joe Hoffman: I hate to agree with you there however she did get the win and will be moving to the top seed of her division because of it.

Benny Newell: Horse shit! America how could you have let her advance! Fuck it, I’m drinking!

Joe Hoffman: You were drinking before this match, during this match and regardless of how it ended you would be drinking after it.. oh I think I see the stage hand with your new pants..Folks we gotta cut elsewhere…thank god…


Welcome to Maxopotamia

The scene moves to the outside of the Kallisten Coliseum as a limousine is seen making its way to the parking lot but it stops at a barricade just before the entrance. The picture moves to the driver’s side of the car where the chauffeur pushes a button which makes the retractable window behind him begin to move downwards. He turns to speak to the person in the back.

Chauffeur– It seems this is as far as we can go sir, unless we.. Perform the Eastern Maxopotamia Chant of Loyalty.. or pay a 50 dollar surcharge.

We see the High Octane Champion Aceldama sitting contently in the back seat, his title by his side. He moves forward towards the driver.

Aceldama– Max trying to make some extra cash or just being an idiot, this will do fine here.

Aceldama opens the passenger door and gets out, dressed very casually, holding his High Octane Title in his hand and slinging a sports bag over his left shoulder. He closes the door and instructs the driver to drive away as he passes through the barricade and walks towards the Kallisten Coliseum. He gets close to the entrance when a familiar voice can be heard; he turns to find a janitor holding an Iphone up with Max’s face glaring out at him.

Max Kael– Hey! Can’t you read the sign or did Germany kill all the educated people at Auschwitz?!

Confused Aceldama turns to see in fact a wooden sign with the words scribbled on it ‘The Grass is Worth More Then You. Oyado yado mabo gubo nubo sudo chodo.”

Aceldama– I don’t understand what it means.

Max Kael– Of course you don’t. It is Maxopotamian.. or perhaps Judoon from Doctor Who.. either way it translates simply to NO WALKING ON THE GRASS!!

Aceldama– I see.

Aceldama moves off the grass and onto the concrete

Aceldama– I take it you got my letter?

Max Kael– Indeed I did, have to say, surprised somewhat, no, surprised is not the word I am looking for here……I expected you would come to me for help, seeing I will be the very man who takes that title from your grasp.

Aceldama– You dream your dreams Max, get through the invitational and then we shall see how legitimate your claims are. First off, how are preparations going along with the ring?

Max Kael– Ah, the ring. Slight problem there.

Aceldama– Problems, you said there was no problems?

Max Kael– You misquoted me; I said, no….problems. It seems ‘he’ has stopped your demand for the fight being held outside….

Aceldama– Who is ‘he’? You mean Simon Sparrow?

Max Kael– Jethrol! I command that you shake the phone violently while stamping your feet on the ground!

The Janitor in question holding the Iphone with Max’s face on it does so as Max can be seen on the other end looking terribly irritated.

Max Kael– How dare you utter that name in my land!! I should have you banished from here for life. But yes, ‘he’ went to Lee who has forbidden it, still…….got your changing facilities sorted.

Aceldama– Good, the less time I have to spend in there the better, can I see it?

Max Kael– Of course you can, it is this way, first off, fifty dollars?

Aceldama– Fifty dollars?! What for?

Max Kael– Firstly, you have entered the parking lot, so you must pay the toll….

Aceldama– But I left my vehicle on the outside.

Max Kael– Good point. Elenore! What is the fine for out smarting me!?

From the background Elenore appears over Max’s shoulder looking into the camera. She picks up a large book and appears to be flipping through a few pages before she turns and smiles back at Aceldama.

Elenore Kael– The fine is Fifty Dollars or Seven Thousand Elf Scalps in two minutes. Failure will result in expulsion and Banishment from this land.

Aceldama– Fine.

Aceldama delves into his pocket and pulls out a fifty dollar note and hands it to Jethrol the janitor who pockets it.

Max Kael– I better get that 50 Jethrol! Else I’ll be taking it out of your pension! Now, please lead Mr. Aceldama toward his new dwelling!

The two walk along past the outside of the Kallisten Coliseum and around a corner.

Max Kael– Now I could not get what you were asking for, budget is low for out here, hence the toll and the lack of lighting, so I done the best I could with the budget I had.

They turn the corner to find the facilities in which Max was talking about.

Aceldama– A tent?!

Pitched on the grass of the grounds of the Kallisten Coliseum is none other than a small tent, and not any tent, a High Octane Wrestling purchase, a pink Bobbinette Carey tent!

Max Kael – Do you know how hard it was for me to get someone in that arena and get that for me without being seen, I nearly lost a good man on that mission!

Aceldama– I suppose it will have to do. What did you say the payment was?

Max Kael– Oh no cash required, watching ‘him’ suffering is but enough joy for me and you seem to do a very good job at it.

Aceldama– Oh don’t worry, I plan in wrecking Sparrow’s night by going home once again the champion….

Max has his fingers in his ears.

Max Kael– La! La! La! There is that word again! I told you not to mutter it in this land!

Aceldama– Fine, that is all, just leave me be.

Max Kael– Fine by me, I got more pressing matters afoot anyhow. I am getting my throne reupholstered, then I have to think of a way to solve the rat problem around here, you think selling them to the fans would work? A great Valentines treat for the one you love?

Aceldama– No.

Max Kael– Thank god I don’t listen to you! Well must be off, get comfy….champ, or should I say, soon to be former champ! Jethrol.. Skip back to my throne that we might recharge my Kael-Screen!

Jethrol the Janitor heads toward the massive throne building across the way leaving Aceldama standing alone in front of the pink tent; he looks at his title and lets out a massive sigh, looking at his title, then turning to see the Kallisten Coliseum.

Aceldama– You could not be more wrong Maximilian Kael, this title is going nowhere.

Aceldama gets down on his knees and into the pink tent, zipping it closed, we now hear feed from inside as it seems Benny Newell is roaring in a fit of laughter.

Benny Newell– Oh my FUCKING god!! The champion, getting changed in a PINK Bobbinette Carey TENT!! This is priceless. Oh god I can’t stop laughing! Hahahaha, oh god….please. Ah shit.

Joe Hoffmann– Max Kael doing his own form of embarrassing the champion there, we shall see tonight if Bobbinette can add to the embarrassment and defeat the champion for the title…..are you ok Benny?

Benny Newell– Ammmm, no, I think I followed through there.

Joe Hoffmann– It seems my colleague here has soiled himself, we shall be right back when it will be Alpha Beta Slam taking on The Maurako Family in an Invitational match that will see the winners move on and the losers eliminated altogether!!

Benny Newell– (turning to the crowd) HAS ANYBODY GOT A SPARE PAIR OF PANTS? ANYBODY?


Check EWTORCH.COM for all Turmoil Reviews and Wrestler Rankings!


The Maurako Family vs. Alpha Beta Slam
Tag Team Match

Joe Hoffman: Well folks were back here on Turmoil and up next we have a tag team match that has big implications on the Best Invitational. The Maurako Family and Alpha Beta Slam will face off here and the winner will advance on to the knockout stage of the tournament.

Benny Newell: And will we actually get to see the pill popping, drug addicted cripple wrestle tonight? Or is he laid up in a hospital with his third coma?

Joe Hoffman: Well it has been a rough month or so for Ryan faze, with him overdosing on Vicodin, being in a coma, suffering a concussion, competing in Dream’s Caged Hell and finally going into rapid detox.

Benny Newell: Eh, that’s just a regular Saturday night for me.

Joe Hoffman: Well regardless Ryan might have some ring rust, which The Maurako’s need to take advantage of…. Who speaking of had an interesting show last Turrmoil as he raised one million dollars during… well more like before the telethon, thanks to a big “donation” from Lee Best during Mario’s testimony in Lee’s trial.

Benny Newell: Are you inferring that Lee bribed Mario? Because that would be outrageous.

Joe just shakes his head as “Phase” by Breaking Benjamin starts to play as the Kallisten Coliseum erupts. Neo blue strobe lights scan the crowd as we see the brothers Ryan and Griffin Faze make their way out onto the stage as we see electric blue and silver pyros going off.

Bryan McVay: The following Best Invitational tag team match is scheduled for one fall, first making their way to the ring from Chicago, Illinois…. Ryan and Griffin Faze…. Alpha Beta Slam!!!

Joe Hoffman: Ryan looks very refreshed after his detox; I would expect him to be full of energy in this match.

Ego” by Element Eighty starts to play as the cheers quickly turn to boos as we see all four of The Maurakos make their way out onto the stage and down to the ring.

Bryan McVay: And their opponents…. From Minneapolis Minnesota…. Mosè and Mario…. The Maurako Family!!!

Joe Hoffman: It will be father and son in this ever so important tag team match. Though regardless of the outcome The Maurako’s will have a upcoming Tag Team title shot against Cool Reality. Which I think should be on the line in this match… but I’m not Simon Sparrow.

Mosè and Mario enter the ring as referee Matt Boettcher orders one of the men to the corner and we quickly see that will be Mosè and Griffin starting this match out for their respective teams as Boettcher calls for the bell. Griffin has a bit of a size advantage over Mosè and he takes advantage of that as he overpowers Mosè and manages to hit a big sidewalk slam. He quickly follows it up by lifting Mosè back off the mat and connecting with a snap suplex.

Joe Hoffman: Early advantage to ABS as Griffin is dominating the youngest Maurako.

Benny Newell: Much like how Carey dominates Mario?

Ignoring the comment, the action continues with Griffin getting Mosè back up and hitting a big clothesline in near their corner as Griffin tags his brother Ryan in and there is a loud cheer for Ryan who hasn’t been in HOW action for about a month.

Joe Hoffman: This is the moment to show if he is back folks, how will he fair?

Ryan leaps over the top rope and charges right at Mosè as he gets back to his feet and Ryan hits Mosè with a shoulder block that takes him down, hitting the ropes Ryan comes back hits a big dropkick that knocks Mosè back to his corner where Mario tags himself in and we have a short show down between Ryan and Mario before the two start exchanging punches in the middle of the ring, the fans booing when Mario connects and cheering as Ryan connects. But the cheers don’t win as Mario drives a knee into the gut of Ryan and then takes a shot at his bad knee which drops Ryan to the mat.

Joe Hoffman: Exactly what Ryan didn’t need in this match Benny.

Benny Newell: Well for Mario that knee is a giant bullseye, what did you expect Joey boy.

With Ryan now on the mat Mario grabs the leg and continues to work over the knee by wrenching the leg and stomping at the knee. Mario then locks in a half Boston crab as Ryan desperately tries to claw for the ropes but he has no leverage and the pain is intense on his leg as suddenly Griffin comes charging in and drives a boot to the side of Mario’s head to break up the submission hold.

Benny Newell: Oh come on! That is blatant cheating, disqualify them!

Boettcher pushes Griffin back to his corner as Mosè uses the chance to enter the ring and the father and son double team Faze as Mosè takes shots at the knee and Mario lays a blatant choke on Ryan.

Joe Hoffman: Now who is cheating?

Mosè quickly exits the ring before Boettcher turns back to the action as Mario makes his way over to Mosè and now legally tags him into the match as Mosè climbs the ropes and leaps off with a huge moonsault which connects on Ryan as Mosè quickly hooks the good leg of Ryan.





Joe Hoffman: Smart move by Mosè to hook the good leg, thus making Ryan use his bad knee to help kick out.

Mosè picks Ryan up off the mat and whips the newly clense Faze brother into the corner as he charges at him going for a clothesline but Ryan dodges out of the corner and Mosè hits the turnbuckles and Ryan hits a quick neckbreaker from behind Mosè as the coliseum erupts in cheers.

Joe Hoffman: There is life in Ryan!

Benny Newell: Until he falls into a coma mid match.

Ryan gets back up to his feet but is heavily favoring his bad knee as he stalks Mosè, despite his brother Griffin calling for a tag. Mosè gets back to his feet a bit dazed and turns right into a Fazebuster as this time it is Ryan going for the cover on Mosè.




Joe Hoffman: Mario with the save!!

Benny Newell: Drink!

Boettcher is about to push Mario back to his corner but Griffin Faze takes care of things for the ref as he charges in and clotheslines Mario over the top rope, landing hard on the floor outside. Griffin quickly makes it back to his corner as Mosè is the first back to his feet and connects with two hard rights to Ryan as he whips him into the ropes and connect with a big drop kick.

Joe Hoffman: I think Griffin just…

Benny Newell: Shut up Joe, Mosè is heading to the top rope!

Mosè does indeed climb up to the top and quickly leaps off with a frogsplash that connects with Ryan in the middle of the ring.

Benny Newell: Maurako Rocker! This is over Joe.

Mosè hooks the leg and awaits the count from Boettcher.

But it doesn’t come as Boettcher tries to tell Mosè that Ryan is not the legal man, that Griffin is.

Benny Newell: What the hell is he saying? Count!

Joe Hoffman: I was trying to tell you Benny, I believe Griffin tagged himself in when Ryan was whipped into the ropes.

As Mosè is figuring everything out Griffin comes into the ring and Mosè turns right into a boot from Griffin and gets hit with a Faazeplant in the center of the ring as he rolls the young Maurako over, going for the cover.


We Mario get to his feet.


He slides into the ring.


Mario hits Griffin.


Joe Hoffman: Not in time!

Benny Newell: That was a quick count!

Bryan McVay: Here are your winners in 8:54… Griffin and Ryan Faze… ALPHA BETA SLAM!!!

Post Match Discomfort

Referee Matt Boettcher raises the arm of Griffin Faze as he stands up, victorious after hard fought battle against the Maurako Family. The crowd explodes for the rookie and his twin brother, who is able to climb off the mat and mauls Griffin with an excited embrace.

Joe Hoffman: What a battle between 2 of our premier tag teams here in High Octane Wrestling! Just look at him, Ryan’s got exhaustion and fatigue written all over his face!

Benny Newell: Well of course he does, Joe… he got his ass kicked! If it weren’t for his brother, ABS would have lost… and quite easily I might add! Now shut up and DRINK!

Joe simply ignores Benny as he downs a few gulps from his official HOW flask with ease.

Joe Hoffman: What will be interesting to me is to see which of the two Faze brothers will advance to the Knockout stage of the tournament, where they’ll take on Erites Kallisten 2 weeks from tonight. I think it’s pretty clear that Griffin’s deserves to move on, but he might have trouble convincing his brother of that, who indicated in his Fazebook blog that he would be the one advancing. What do you think, Buff?

Benny Newell: Huh? Wha’d you say, Joe?

Joe Hoffman: Nothing Benny. Nothing.

While Joe mutters something under his breath, Ryan and Griffin celebrate, each holding the other’s arm high into the air as the fans continue to shower them with cheers. Finally, they release each other and climb opposing turnbuckles to play off the Chicago fans.

Joe Hoffman: Folks, what you just witnessed is a tremendous display of heart from both of the Faze brothers; from Ryan for returning from injury like he did and his brother Griffin for stepping up and leading his team to this victory!

The cameras focus in on Griffin, who hopes down from the turnbuckle and spins around toward the center of the ring. Much to his surprise, he bumps into Ryan, who had been standing in his path with a stern, cold expression written over his face.

Before Griffin can even step back, Ryan knees him in the midsection and forces his brother into the Killswitch position, prompting everyone in the Kallisten Coliseum, Joe and Benny included, to gasp in bewilderment.


Joe Hoffman: This cannot be happening! God, no! Ryan Faze just turned on his identical twin brother! Tell me this is only a dream!

Benny Newell: Ha-ha! This drama is better than a cheap porn storyline!

A look of rage occupies the face of the “Phenomenal One” as he stands over Griffin and calls for a microphone, which he catches as it’s tossed into the ring.


Ryan Faze: Shut up! Just… SHUT… UP!


Joe Hoffman: I cannot believe what we just witnessed, ladies and gentlemen. Ryan Faze is a back-stabbing son of a… ahem… let us show you the replay, for those of you just tuning in to us here on Thursday Night Turmoil…

Ryan smiles as the replay is shown on the HOV. As the footage ends, he looks down at his brother with a look of spite and resentment. Slowly, he leans himself down to Griffin’s level, who is struggling to come to his senses.

Ryan Faze: Don’t tell me, BROTHER,that you really thought you’d be advancing to the next round of the Invitational, did you? After all, I am the one who’s worked too damn hard for too damn long for this company to be left in the dust like that; like I know you were planning on doing to me. I mean, that was your plan all along, wasn’t it? To take advantage of my injuries and misfortunes, slip in and steal my spot in the tournament? Is that why you forced me to do all those bumps in training? Is that why you pushed me so hard, over-working me when you knew how fragile my condition was? Huh?!?

By now, Griffin is back to his senses, horrified by what just happened and his brother’s accusations. He denies Ryan’s claims vehemently, which only serves to infuriate his brother and causes Ryan to smack him across the face.

Ryan Faze: How do you like the pain?!? Piece of shit! You’re no better than these idiots in the quote-unquote… “Phenomenal Fan Nation”.


Ryan Faze: So naïve and pathetic… just like each and every one of them! And you thought I was the one who wouldn’t figure out your little plan? Sorry Griff, but I am the one who DESERVES to advance to the next round! It is OWED to me for everything I did for this company as General Manager of Mayhem!

Joe Hoffman: Owed to him? Ryan Faze has lost his mind here tonight… just when we all thought he was turning the corner! He’s crazy if he thinks he deserves to advance to the Knockout stage! It’s Griffin that should advance! He’s proved it over the past month!

Benny Newell: Calm down a minute, will ya Joe? I think Ryan’s about to slap the taste outta his mouth again! OHH! Ha-ha! DRINK!

Sure enough, Ryan smacks him again. And again… and again, until blood begins to ooze from the side of Griffin’s mouth.

Joe Hoffman: Somebody stop this! That is his family! That’s his brother, for crying out loud!

Benny Newell: Come on, Joe! Not all brothers get along… just look at Lee and Mike.

Ryan Faze: Listen up, Griff… and listen carefully because I’m only going to say this once. I… am advancing to the next stage of the Invitational. That’s right… me, the former LSD Champion and soon to be new High Octane Champion of HOW! You will NEVER amount to anything in this business… EVER… because I won’t let you! You’re nothing more than a kid who got high hopes after a lucky performance against Aceldama. You talk of this Revolution of Brotherhood., is it? Yet the only revolution there is to speak of in this company is mine.


Ryan Faze: I hate to break it to ya, Griff… but you were never part of the equation. You were my crutch. I used you when I needed you most… and boy were those nights of Vicodin worth it! I suppose I should thank you for everything you’ve done for me over the past month and a half, but why show appreciation to a born loser? You’d better get used to it, Griff. I… am the only “Faze of HOW”. You get in my way and I’ll kill you myself… I don’t care if we’re bonded by blood!

Joe Hoffman: Absolutely despicable! Ryan Faze is a despicable human being! He was using his brother the whole time!

Ryan Faze: Griffin, let that be your warning… both to you and to everyone else in that locker room. When it’s all said and done, I am the 2010 Best Invitational Tournament winner… and at March to Glory, I am your new High Octane Champion!

Joe is in shock. Benny is amused. Griffin is bleeding from the mouth. With the thud of Ryan’s microphone, what better time than now than to cut to a comme….

Joe Hoffman: What the hell?

We pan over to the stage and we see Mario and Mosè laid out on the stage with Martino and Matteo scattering as we see two 6 foot tall men standing over them, one with a steel chair in hand.

Benny Newell: Who the hell are they? They just took out Mario and Mosè!

Joe Hoffman: If I am correct, that is Kendre and DeAndre Jackson…. Southern Comfort!

Benny Newell: Southern Comfort? Where?

Joe Hoffman: No, that is the name of their team.

With Mario and Mosè laid out on the ground we see Kendre ditch the chair and the two start to make their way down the ramp towards the ring where Ryan Faze stands by himself after taking out his brother.

Joe Hoffman: This doesn’t look too good for Ryan, Southern Comfort doesn’t look like they are in a friendly mood.

Kendre and DeAndre split and each take a side of the ring and pin Ryan in the middle as Kendre enters first and Ryan wastes little time as he charges at Kendre and gets a few good shots in before DeAndre chop blocks Ryan from behind in his bad knee.

Joe Hoffman: Ryan tried but it’s two on one and he has just been through a grueling match.

DeAndre hits a quick reverse Russian leg sweep and then we see Kendre pick Ryan up and hit a belly to back brainbuster and DeAndre climbs to the top turnbuckle and leaps off and grabs Ryan’s feet mid move and spikes him to the mat.

Joe Hoffman: They call that Southern Discomfort and Ryan Faze is laid out in the middle of the ring.

Benny Newell: Well Southern Comfort never goes down easy…. and you never feel good after it.

Joe Hoffman: And they just took out two powerful tag teams here in HOW, you have to think they are sending a message to every other tag team here in HOW, including the Tag Team champions Cool Reality. We’re going to finally head to that commercial break, when we return we have O’Neal and Mike Plow.

Benny Newell: Drink!


LSD Champion Dawn McGill teams with Jackie Daniels and defends the MVW Tag Team title against Miss USA and Christa Carmondy Sunday night on MVWA 21.


Mike Plow vs. Mark “The Explosive” O’Neal
Singles Match

Joe Hoffman: We’re back and boy did Southern Comfort make a big impact by taking out not just Mario and Mosè Maurako…. But Ryan Faze too.

Benny Newell: Southern Comfort? Why couldn’t they name themselves after a good alcohol, like Jack Daniels or Budweiser…. Unless they plan on bringing bottles of Southern Comfort to the ring for matches, then I’ll love them.

Joe Hoffman: Well anyhow, up next we have an Invitational match that will have no impact on the standings, but will be for pure pride. Mark O’Neal has no chance in advancing as he has negative 6 points, while because of his wwin over David Black, Mike Plow is locked in to the next round win or lose, and has no chance of catching Max Kael who has 9 points, since Plow currently only has 2.

Benny Newell: Are you done yapping yet? I wanna get this match over with so we can move to the World title main event.

Joe Hoffman: High Oct…

Benny Newell: World Title!

Because I’m Awesome” by The Dollyrots cuts off the argument as the fans in the coliseum pipe up as the lights begin to dim and the opening rock riff to the song pours through the sound system. There is an abrupt chorus of jeers and boos from the High Octane fans as DREAM’s savior , Mike Plow, steps out from behind the curtain and onto the ramp.

Bryan McVay: The following Best Invitational match is scheduled for one fall, first making his way to the ring from Atlantic City, New Jersey and weighing in at 244 pounds…. Mike Plow!!!

Plow flexes a bicep, before slapping himself several times on the chest and pointing towards the ring. Smirking, he takes a cocky, casual stride down to the ring, carefully hopping up the ring steps, ducking under the second rope and sauntering into the ring.

Joe Hoffman: Confidence by Mike Plow, but he is going to be taking on Hall of Famer Mark O’Neal tonight, and Mark has everything to gain and nothing to lose here.

Benny Newell: He is confident for a reason, he is in the next round, while Mark O’Neal will be just looking on in two weeks.

The arena goes pitch black. White bold words begin to flash on the screen. POWER. INTENSITY. DESTRUCTION. They flash faster and faster until they are no longer readable until a bomb shows up on the screen with a timer. 3….2….1. Three explosions occur as “Give it Away” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers plays over the sound system. Mark O’Neal emerges as blue pyros shoot up as walks towards the ring. He stops to flex and jaw with the fans actually giving him a semi positive reaction.

Bryan McVay: And his opponent from Chicago, Illinois!! And weighing in at 250 pounds… “The Explosive” Mark O’Neal!!!

O’Neal makes his way into the ring and Plow goes right after O’Neal as he lays the boot to the Hall of Famer, stomping away as Hortega calls for the beell to start the match.

Benny Newell: Hortega? Weren’t we suppose to have a mystery referee for this match?

Joe Hoffman: Well I guess surprises don’t always happen Benny.

Plow has dropped to the mat and is now hammering punches at O’neal who is trying to cover up. He finally manages to grab the ropes as Hortega gets in and breaks things up and pushes Plow back as O’Neal is able to finally get to his feet for the first time. They lock up and O’Neal now gets the advantage as he drives an elbow into the head of Plow and connects with a Russian leg sweep followed by an elbow drop.

Joe Hoffman: O’Neal coming back here after Plow got a cheap start to this match.

O’Neal stalking Plow who climbs back to his feet and O’Neal hits a big spear in the middle of the ring as he goes for a quick cover hoping to catch Plow off guard.




Plow gets the shoulder up as the match continues with a short arm clothesline followed by a sidewalk slam by O’Neal who goes for another pin attempt that Plow is able to kick out of. O’Neal pulls Plow to his feet and goes for a piledriver but it’s reversed into a back body drop. O’Neal tries to get up but gets a boot driven into the side of his head by Plow who then hits a standing moonsault on O’Neal.

Joe Hoffman: Great athletic move by Plow.

Benny Newell: Please end it here with a pinfall….




Shoulder up by O’Neal as Plow is a bit annoyed as he yells at Hortega who just shrugs his shoulders, not really understanding what he is yelling about. Turning away from Hortega and back to O’Neal who gets pulled to his feet and Plow goes for The Mike Effect but O’Neal reverses that with a back body drop of his own and as Plow pops back up he gets a boot in the stomach and gets hit with a jackknife powerbomb.

Joe Hoffman: Time Bomb! O’Neal will now be looking for that top rope elbow drop.

O’Neal quickly makes his way to the top rope and leaps off for the Explosive Drop, but as he jumps Plow rolls out of the way and O’Neal gets nothing but mat as he rolls over to the ropes. Plow gets to his feet and heads over to the corner where he starts removing the top turnbuckle cover. But Hortega is right there to stop him and he grabs the cover from Plow and starts to put it back over thee exposed corner.

Joe Hoffman: Hortega right on top of things as he makes sure nothing funny happens during this match.

Benny Newell: And makes sure it is still pretty damn boring.

We see O’Neal slide back into the ring as Plow argues with Hortega until he gives up and turns back to O’Neal who clocks Plow with some object which he tosses out of the ring. He then grabs Hortega to get his attention as he goes for the cover on Plow who is laid out cold in the center of the ring.





Joe Hoffman: What was that? O’Neal used some kind of object to just clean Plow clock there.

Benny Newell: What was that about Hortega being right on top of things?

Bryan McVay: The winner of this match in 7 minutes and 21 seconds…. Mark O’Neal!!!!

Hortega raises O’Neal’s hand who then rolls out of the ring and makes his way backstage quickly, likely to get away from the evidence that he has left at ringside.

Joe Hoffman: Well a tough loss for Plow there, and he will have to try and turn things around quickly as he will have to face another Hall of Famer in two weeks time when he takes on Simon Sparrow in the knockout stage of this Invitational.

Benny Newell: That will be no easy challenge as the GM is on a hot streak as of late… plus his parking space may still be on the line then.

Joe Hoffman: Well I hear we have cameras with the Emperor of HOW Max Kael, so let’s find out what he is up to.

One of the cameramen approach the item that O’Neal used to hit Plow and we see that it is a brick, and as he zooms in on it we see that there is something on the brick.


Joe Hoffman: A brick? Where the hell did that come from?

Benny Newell: Hopefully not from the coliseum… though with Mike Best cutting maintenance costs, who knows…. And fourth wall?

Joe Hoffman: Not a clue…. off to Max Kael we go.


Paragon of Booking

We cut to the main rear loading docks where Mike Best’s ambulance is slowly pulling away from the building. The camera follows it as it proceeds out into the main road leading out of the parking lot where Max Kael’s pavilion has been set up on one side of the road while several random signs can be seen in all different locations designating various areas specific for this thing or that. In the distance on the lawn of the Arena the pink Bobbinette Carey tent can be seen.

As the Ambulance makes its way toward the exit suddenly several grounds keepers in Maxopotamian uniforms shuffle out into the road with large saw horses with Maxopotamian flags painted on them. The ambulance screeches to a halt while the driver lays on the horn. The grounds keepers stand their ground as a large spot light is put onto the ambulance.


Max’s voice booms out over the sound system outside as Elenore Kael can be seen stepping out of the shadows near the Ambulance with two Maxopotamian Royal Guards at her flank. This evening Max’s cousin was decked out from head to toe in her usual eye catching attire, from heels to knee highs and up to her black Lolita styled dress complete with cincher at the waist and lacey gloved that bedecked her fingers she was quite the cute sight in contrast to her vicious nature. She moves to the door with the driver and offers a sweet smile before knocking on the window. The driver rolls it down though its clear he has an irritated expression on his face.

Elenore Kael: My apologies, Max can be a bit.. harsh when it comes to all the rules and regulations necessary to traverse this particularly speck of pavement. Unfortunately it falls to me to clean up his messes.

Max Kael: THAT’S NOT TRUE!..well.. not entirely.

The coldhearted cousin of Max Kael looks over her shoulder toward one of the large speakers propped up on a nearby street light set up in the parking lot giving it a scolding look. Returning to her polite face she looks back at the driver.

Elenore Kael: In accordance to Maxopotamian Law 42.1 Subsection A5 all licensed operators of emergency vehicles are required to be checked for refugees that might be escaping from…

Elenore sighs as she lifts a hand to her temple rubbing it softly as she is forced to say the name Max has assigned to the Kalisten Colesium.

Elenore Kael: Sparrowslavia. I’ll have to ask you to step out of the ambulance please.

Driver: I really, really don’t have time for this miss, I’ve got a man who needs to get to the hospital, like, yesterday. We had a hard enough time getting into this damn Arena to pick our patient up and now you’re just slowing him down. So please, please, please let me through?

The ambulance driver seems earnest in his desire to leave and help his patient in the back. Elenore pauses for a moment and adjusts her glasses as an empathetic look of understanding crosses her face. With a sigh she nods and turns around.

Elenore Kael: I am sorry to hear that.

Elenore spins around with a dark black stun baton and touches it to the side of the drivers head where he instantly starts to shake and shimmy as volts of electricity course through his body. After about two seconds she pulls the stun baton away and pulls open the door as he slouches in his seat. She reaches in and removes the keys before nodding toward her guards to move to the back.

She dangles the keys in front of her as she slowly moves to the rear where the guards have already forced open the doors and have dragged out the two paramedics in the back. As she pokes her head in we see Mike Best strapped down on a gurney while an I.V. in his arm and a neck brace around his neck. Elenore bites her lip before stepping up into the ambulance.

Elenore Kael: Good evening Mr. Michael Best. I have been wanting to have a meeting with you for a few weeks now but it just seems our timing never worked out. Thankfully now we have all the time in the world but all I’ll need is two minutes.

Mike stares at her though its clear he is having trouble talking thanks to his neck brace. His eyes seem some what glazed over and it appears that he is under some rather heavy sedation. Elenore smiles with the kind of smile you seen on a Great White’s face before it devours some poor helpless seal.

Elenore Kael: You see as Max’s chief advisor I had an idea for next week and I simply know you will love it. In fact you could say that this idea is so good and important to the future of my dear Cousin’s future that you’re very life might depend on what you say in the next two minutes.

As the paramedics outside are forced onto the ground belly first the figure of Max Kael can be seen wandering over to the scene with a stupid shit eating grin on his face.

Max Kael: Elenore! A new vehicle for the Road Force? You shouldn’t have you stone souled harpy!

His cousin rolls her eyes and smoothes out her dress as she takes a seat to the right of Mike Best. Max hops up into the back of the ambulance and moves to the left as Mike now finds himself surrounded by Kael family members.

Elenore Kael: I was just telling Mike about that idea we talked about earlier. I haven’t disclosed it yet but if you would like too?

Max Kael: Oh by all means! You were always better with words.

Elenore Kael: Thank you, you’re smarter then you look, cousin. Now, Michael, we were thinking that next week we should avoid any of this bothersome HOFC business that is going to take place inside of the Kalisten Coliseum and offer our fan base something truly wonderful and inspiring. I suggest, instead, that we move the event outside and include more than just a few silly fist fights that you can find at any second rate MMA facility and instead we make it something really memorable. Take Mr. Polowy verses Mr. America. Them in an octagon just seems like a waste of some truly talented, vicious young men. Why not, instead, make that a Parking Lot HOFC Title Match..

Max Kael: Maxopotamian OCTAGON OF PAIN!!

Elenore shots Max a glare.

Elenore Kael: An HOFC Title Match which occurs in the Parking Lot… That way the fans can really get a taste of the visceral nature of their bout. It would behoove you to consider this advice we are offering and sign the papers which I just so happen to have on hand. So many.. terrible accidents can happen between here and the Hospital after all. I wouldn’t want you to have any second guesses between here and there that would make you regret NOT signing next weeks show over to our control out of the Arena and onto the HOW Grounds..

The implication of physical harm does not go unnoticed by Mike as his eyes widen at her words.

Mike Best: OW!!!

Elenore flashes toward Max who is seen giving Mike Best a wicked Indian Sunburn on his left arm.

Elenore Kael: MAX!

Max Kael: What!? You said we were going to hurt him if he didn’t sign over the next show right? I mean that’s basically what you said anyway! So I was hurting him!

Elenore Kael: Implication and action are two different- just. Never mind. What are you, in kindergarden?!

Max Kael:.. I could cave his head in with a flash light I guess..

Max picks up a nearby steel Maglight flashlight and tests the weight before he turns to swing it at Mike’s head.

Elenore Kael: MAX!

Elenore leans over and slaps Max across the back of the head as Max drops the flash light and looks sullen. Mike remains wide eyed at the events unfolding in front of him while Elenore tries to salvage the situation as best she can. She holds her hand out as one of the guards steps forward handing her a folder and a pen.

Elenore Kael: I would sign these before my idiot Cousin gives you breast cancer with a purple nurple or attempts to use a scalpel to cut off your arm since he has NO concept of MODERATION.

She holds the papers out while Max rolls his eyes and makes mouth talky motions with his hand. Mike Best wastes no time in signing over the show next week and at the same time cancelling the preexisting HOFC Show. Content with what she has gained, she stands up and ushers Max out.

Elenore Kael: Well thank you Michael, it has truly been a pleasure. I hope to see you next week.

Max Kael: Tootles Fruity!

Elenore Kael: MAX!

Another slap sends Max out of the Ambulance followed by Elenore as the paramedics are allowed up and back into the vehicle. Max waves off the grounds keepers from the front while Elenore uses some smelling salts to rouse the driver. The scene cuts away as the Ambulance is finally allowed to leave with Elenore examining the papers she had just forced Mike Best to sign..


Next week on Turmoil in the parking lot of the Kallisten Coliseum, Christopher America defending his HOFC title against Mike Plow!!


A Legendary DREAM

Rob Zombie’s “Man Without Fear” begins to play and the crowd begins to make some noise. Once Johnny Legend steps out, the go crazy. Legend makes his way down the ramp. He walks up the ramp and enters the ring. Legend runs toward the corner post, climbing to the second turnbuckle. He raises his arms high and watches the cameras flash before hopping down to the canvas and asking for a microphone. Once one is thrown to him, he waits for the fans to quiet down.

Johnny pulls the microphone to his mouth and begins to talk.

Johnny Legend: High Octane Wrestling…

The fans pop like crazy.

Johnny Legend: Chicago, Illinois.

They pop even louder.

Johnny Legend: I am The Living Fucking Legend, I am… JOHNNY LEGEND!

For the fans who know Johnny, they continue to scream like mad. For those just catching him for the first time, they pop from his intensity.

Johnny Legend: Last week I defeated your former LSD Champion, I defeated Static right here in this very ring.

The fans begin to give a little bit of a mixed reaction as Johnny doesn’t represent HOW as Static does.

Johnny Legend: You know what? I loved every single moment.

A few more turn on him, not liking what they are hearing.

Johnny Legend: I beat Static just like I will beat anybody else Lee Best wants to put in the ring with me. You know why? It’s not because of who I am. No. It’s more than that, it’s because I am just… that… damn… good.

The crowd has at this point mostly turned on Legend.

Johnny Legend: It’s ok not to like me. I don’t want you to like me. I don’t give two shits about anyone’s feelings here in HOW.

Now the boos ring out.

Johnny Legend: I am here from DREAM, to represent DREAM, and show you that DREAM Wrestling is where it’s at. Fuck HOW. Fuck Turmoil.

Some people begin to throw trash towards the ring.

Johnny Legend: What? You don’t like the truth? It hurting a bit? Good. Fuck you. Fuck Chicago.

He grins as they boo and begin you suck chants.

Johnny Legend: I suck? I suck? I defeated your former LSD Champion. How many guys has Polowy went through? You think he bleeds HOW? Fuck no, it’s DREAM. Jiles, your tag team champion? NO. He’s representing DREAM, wearing your belt, showing just how low the value of it is. I mean, an outsider holding a title? How pathetic.

More crowd heat.

Johnny Legend: I don’t even want to look at you anymore. It disgusts me that a Mickey Mouse organization like this is allowed in The Alliance.

Johnny spits.

Johnny Legend: Let’s drop the bullshit Best, book me next week so I can once again plow through whatever poor fuck you put in my way. Cause I’m the Living Fucking Legend and I am the real fucking deal.

He drops the microphone and his music begins again. The heat is nuts as Legend walks over and exits to the apron. He walks down the steps and stops. With both thumbs he bends his arms and points at his shoulders, mouthing The real fucking deal.


Explosive Payback

We cut live to outside the Kallisten Coliseum to see a particularly smug looking Mark O’Neal making his way out to the parking lot. carrying his gym bag over one shoulder and holding the brick he used in his match in his other hand ‘The Explosive One’ can be seen walking with a certain swagger clearly pleased with his victory tonight. Juggling the brick with one hand still staring at it with profound enthusiasm O’Neal passes a variety of cars before finally stopping at the trunk of his car.

Not taking his eyes off the brick smiling as if he’s just been reconciled with a long lost lover he takes out his keys and slides his bag off of his shoulder and onto the floor. He inserts the key into the lock and opens the trunk lifting his bag off the floor and placing it into the trunk. Looking at the brick O’Neal, still smiling, raises it to his ear.

Mark O’Neal: What’s that? You wannna ride shotgun and not in the trunk? Well how could I say no to you after that performance!

O’Neal closes the trunk and locks it making his way round to the drivers side door placing the brick on top of his car. He goes to unlock the door when he is startled by an unwelcome intruder.

*bark bark bark*

Mark O’Neal: What. the. FUCK?!?

Taken aback O’Neal takes a closer look through the window to see what exactly is in his car before again jumping back in disbelief as a snarling, vicious looking face of a dog greets him with mindless ferocity.

Mark O’Neal: That’s…..a Doberman?

Catching his breath Mark smiles and taps on the window with the knuckle of his index finger coo’ing at the dog inside which is still barking intensely.

Mark O’Neal: Awww aren’t you a cute little doggie, yes you are!! Guess what little doggie I’ve got a little treat for you.

Mark raises his arm into the air grabbing the brick off of the roof of his car still staring at the dog without a flinch.

Mark O’Neal: You see this brick you stupid mutt? I’m going to ram it right down your fucking thro-

As O’Neal pulls back his arm to slam the brick straight through the glass and into the dogs face his hand suddenly becomes lighter as if the brick has disappeared into thin air.

Mark O’Neal: What the fu-


The shuddering sound of brick meeting skull reverberates through the parking lot as O’Neals body falls to the floor with an almighty thud. His face sliding down the door, a trickle of blood swiftly following in persuit down the glass. The camera zooms out to see what looks to be a man wearing a gray hooded top, a pair of blue jeans and a pair of black boots, his face masked by the hood he’s wearing on his head.

We then see the man reign boot after boot into O’Neals limp body from head to toe relentlessly. The man then stops, reaches down and grabs O’Neal by the scruff of the neck before delivering a crushing right hand to Marks jaw which sends his body flailing back to the ground. The hooded assailant then crouches down and picks up the key to O’Neals car and opens the door, the dog now panting and sitting there as if it’s waiting for its next instruction.

???: Come on Remus, our job here is as good as done.

The dog, now known as Remus, proceeds to jump out of the car, out into the parking lot and turning around to look straight at the hooded figure. The camera then pans across to the hooded figure, their face masked by the shadows. Raising his hand he grabs at the hood and lowers it to reveal…


Benny Newell: Who?

Joe Hoffman: Reinhardt, the man O’Neal systematically destroyed at Rumble At The Rock back in October. Seems he has some unfinished business here in High Octane Wrestling.

Benny Newell: Who?

Joe Hoffman: *sigh*

Benny Newell: DRINK!

The camera shifts back to the parking lot as we see Reinhardt walking away from the Kallisten Coliseum his dog following close behind leaving ‘The Explosive One’ in a bloody and battered heap next to his car as we cut to commercial.


It will be HARD not to miss them next week in the COLD parking lot of the Kallisten Coliseum on Turmoil.


A Shadow Cast

The cameras return to backstage of the Kallisten Coliseum, the buzz of the crowd venting through the hallways. The cameraman focuses on the back of Missy Andrews as she struts down the hallway, looking for something exact but apparently has gotten lost. The poor girl begins muttering to herself, something about management and directions as the cameraman let his lens drift from the back of her head down her back. His wanderings, however, with an abruptly noise from above him. The camera jerked back upward right into an irritated glare from Andrews.

Missy Andrews: Focus asshole.

Andrews continues walking into a more open backstage area. Down the hall from them is veteran referee Matt Boettcher, huddled in a corner with Ethan Cavanaugh and his counselor Donovan Saint. Each man seem to be of the same demeanor; serious and quiet. Cavanaugh took a moment to dusty a few snow flurries off his black coat, jabbing his finger at the referee and the referee returning the jab at Cavanaugh. Both men seem prepared to argue when Saint turned, noticing the approaching camera crew. Huddling once more, Saint escorts the senior referee out of the hallway as Ethan turns, pleasantly enough, to Andrews.

Missy Andrews: Excuse me! Ethan!

Cavanaugh straightens his dark blue tie as he Andrews closes the gap and shoves the mic into his face.

Missy Andrews: Ethan what where you talking to referee Matt Boettcher about?

The question doesn’t seem to take Cavanaugh aback. Instead a calm smirk crosses his face, and a vicious chuckle leaves him. The camera focuses on Cavanaugh as he positions Andrews to his side and glares down at her.

Ethan Cavanaugh: Why am I talking to him? I think the proper question, Miss Andrews, is why am I the only one talking to him? Look at the setup and ask yourself….Bobbinette Carey, well, Bobbinette Maurako versus Aceldama for the HOW World Championship. A mentally challenged woman facing off against a deranged, narcissistic so-called champion. I mean, in what other forum could this sort of sick and twisted game take place? I wanted to see if Matt Boettcher…was a man or a slave. I wanted to see if Matt Boettcher would lick the hand that fed him or if he would hold to his spine. And guess what I found out? That somethings…never change.

Missy Andrews: Are you saying that a senior referee is being bri-

Before she could finish Cavanaugh raised his hand cutting her off and blocking her face from the screen. The faint roar of jeering can be heard as obviously the interview is being watched on the HOV inside of the arena. Slowly Cavanaugh lowers his hand and rolls his shoulders before continuing.Ethan Cavanaugh: I’m saying that somethings…never change. I’m saying that at the end of the day, Lee and Mike still have ‘Best’ at the end of their names. All of these…games around here is deeper than names or personalities. This is about money and blood. Maybe the idiots in the back haven’t realized as much, but at the end of the day all of the games, the payoffs, all of the GM s and Emperors and Paragons and Great Ones and the drama equal a giant pile of cash and a pit of blood that enables the Best Family to live the lief. Aceldama and Bobbie Maurako is just another cog in that plan and I do not like it.

Ethan Cavanaugh: This match? It’s been done. Its ancient history. And if it was just those two and all of the HOW veterans here then maybe that would be alright. But that’s no longer the case. There is a new generation of HOW superstars ready and waiting to chase the brass ring and this is what we’ve had to all put up with. All of us tearing each other apart while the Champion faces individuals he’s faced at some point or some style he’s already seen. Been there; done that. It keeps things safe and simple…but it isn’t what anyone in the back wants and really it isn’t want anyone out in the audience wants.

Missy Andrews: So…this isn’t about the Maurako Family taking advantage of Bobbinette? You’re trying to find an angle?

Affronted. Yes. Cavanaugh looked absolutely affronted once that question was posed to him. Slowly he turned away from glaring point blank into the camera down to Andrews, who wisely took a step back. Slowly Cavanaugh snakes his arm around the girl and reels her closer and closer until she’s nearly under him. The other hand snatches up the arm holding the microphone and pulled it closer, almost seductively towards his face. Cavanaugh’s eyes narrowed, looking

Ethan Cavanaugh: Look at me Miss Andrews. Look at me. I am the very future of this promotion; living and sustaining it. Yet I have to slave away in the squalls while Mario bitch slaps his way into gold and glory. Or maybe Aceldama will find a way to leave with the championship one more time. Or maybe, somewhere in between sweeping past her bare feet on Maurako Island, Bobbinette will realize she’s got a bigger set than her…’beloved’. Either way, exactly what does that mean for HOW? What does it means for Ethan Cavanaugh? What does that mean for the future? I’ll be keeping an eye on this match Miss but its not because I’m expecting a five star classic. I’m looking to see how deep the Best Family Values really go and how much of it I’ll have to cut through on my path back into the sun. Tonight is merely the beginning, no matter who walks out champion, of my ascension.

Missy Andrews: Ethan, with all due respect you’re barely in the Invitational. After your last match with Kostof-

Ethan Cavanaugh: Kostoff?!

Apparently that’s the wrong thing to say. The grip around her waist tightened as Cavanaugh shook his head viciously. A worried look crosses his face as the hand holding hers begins to shake slight in frustration.

Ethan Cavanaugh: Kostoff is a road bump that is all. He used what he knew; his size. That’s his only game: that is all he has. After last week’s…unfortunate attack on his person…that victory may be for naught. Which is just fine with me. It doesn’t matter what seed I am because I am still apart of this Invitational, which means by default I still have an equal shot at the HOW World Championship. That’s bad news for all of the other promotions that thought they could send in someone to make them look good. It’s strange, though. Because I’ve faced what these federations consider there best and I have decimated them. The last foreigner who stepped onto HOW territory…I knocked out. He needed a cheap shot, a sneak attack from his hoodlum friends, to hope to cling to some dignity. For Cobra, I’m sure it’ll be the same. Congratulations on the 3 or 4 pounds of gold you’re carrying, but unfortunately sport that and two quid won’t count for shit around HOW and I plan on showing you, and the Bests, and the fans, and the locker room that myself.

Suddenly jerking his arms away Cavanaugh twists the girl so that she’s standing right in front of him. Somehow she keeps her balance and keeps the mic up as Cavanaugh rests his hands on her shoulders; focused, determined, possessed. The cameraman zooms in ans Cavanaugh leans forward, barely speaking above a whisper into the microphone.

Ethan Cavanaugh: I am going to March to Glory Andrews. I am going no matter what is put in front of me. Cobra, Kangeroos, Jackasses, KKK, HBK, Germans, Indians, Hardcore, Soft core it doesn’t matter! Cobra is who he is and, sorry son, but that isn’t good enough. He is one among many; a face in a crowd. I am one who stands alone above and beyond the herd. I am the best pure technical wrestler in professional wrestling. I am the definition of my class. I am Ethan Cavanaugh! And my time, my era, has just begun…

We see Ethan walk away from Missy as we cut to the final commercial break of the night.


Not The Best Alliance…. but pretty damn close.


HOW World Title Match
Bobbinette “Queen B” Carey vs. Aceldama
Steel Cage Match

Back live from the commercial break and suddenly the lights go out and the HOV comes to life and the huge screen lights up most of the darkened arena as we see General Manager Simon Sparrow sitting behind his desk with a large button of some kind in front of him.

Simon Sparrow: Because of all the tomfoolery going on tonight I have decided that it is in the best interests of the PREMIER Championship in all of the land to be contested in a fair and unbiased match. That is why I am making this High Octane Championship match a STEEL CAGE MATCH!!!

The crowd begins buzzing as Sparrow hits the button on his desk and on cue the steel cage that is suspended high above the arena floor begins to lower as strobe lights flicker as it lowers to the always ominous sounding lowering of the steel cage music as the HOV once again goes black and Joe and Benny welcome the viewers back as the HOW crew scramble to get the steel cage secured.

Benny Newell: Steel Cage match…really?

Joe Hoffman: You cannot blame Sparrow here. I think this is a wise move as we have seen Southern Comfort, Marcus Reinhardt and even Static make physical attacks on people…I mean for God’s sake..Mike Best was sent off in an ambulance!!

Benny Newell: Mike Best sucks but I digress..

Joe Hoffman: And you peed your…oh never mind…folks let’s focus in on what we are about to witness…HOW Hall of Famer Bobbinette Carey getting a shot at the High Octane Champ..

Benny Newell: WORLD…it’s the fucking World title…I don’t give a fuck what the WWA says…

Joe Hoffman: Legally I have to say…High Octane Championship….

Benny Newell: Their champion is a fucking snake? C’mon…Cavanaugh’s shadow could beat cobra and will prove so on February 25th.

Joe Hoffman: Focus Benny..focus. Carey is taking on the High Octane Champion Aceldama. A man that has dominated HOW the last several months and has yet to be really challenged although Carey does have a win over him.

Benny Newell: Carey WOULD have the advantage but with the Maurakos hurting after the attack earlier tonight but the back pimple popping Maurako boys will not be out here to help her.

Joe Hoffman: Well remember she doesn’t have to pin Ace to win the title. In High Octane Wrestling Steel Cage Matches the only way to win is to escape the cage. Carey does have quickness and she undoubtedly will be more agile than Aceldama.

Benny Newell: As much as Ace is a complete fuckstick for not being in Lee’s corner anymore, the guy could probably eat his way thru the cage before Carey escaped….

Joe Hoffman: Well we are about to find out….

The lights in the arena fully come back on and the crowd begins cheering loudly as it is time for the Main Event of the evening!

Circus” by Brittany Spears begins to play and a pink spotlight shines at the top of the entrance ramp and Bobbinette Carey makes her way to a very mixed reaction.

Benny Newell: Well obviously these morons didn’t take to her pulling a knife out last week during her Care-A-Thon.

Joe Hoffman: That thing was a joke from the get go and it’s too bad we didn’t figure it out before Mario’s testimony was aired later in the show because now that you look back at it is painfully obvious that Mario knew he had the cash, the title shot and everything else as he paraded out all those lowlifes during the show….

Benny Newell: Simmer down..focus Joe…you sensitive prick.

Joe just scoffs at Benny as the cameras focus in on Carey climbing into the ring as Boettcher holds the door open for her.

Carey smiles and curtsies to each side of the ring as the women cheer for her while the men boo her loudly.

Suddenly the lights go down and the HOV comes to life and plays the entrance video for the Champion as Vicarious by Tool blasts thru the PA system.

The champion, Aceldama, makes his way down with a definite swagger and makes a full lap around the ring, running his hand along the steel mesh, never taking his eyes off the challenger the entire time.

Joe Hoffman: Aceldama is sure looking focused tonight and one has to wonder about his emotional state after the death of his longtime handlers…Hans..

Benny Newell: Aceldama killed him..Jesus H fucking Christ…move the fuck on..this idiot is on house arrest and doesn’t deserve to be Champion…..neither of these cunts do…

Joe Hoffman: Really? Benny as a fellow Hall of Famer I would like to..

Benny Newell: Save it Mr. Holier than thou…lets get this travesty of a main event over with shall we?

Joe again can only shake his head at his partner as the cameras follow Aceldama as he enters the cage and slowly hands his championship belt to Matt Boettcher who quickly raises it high in the air to each side of the ring as the tension in the Kallisten Coliseum is thick and there is an uneasy feeling in the building as this match has the potential to get ugly..and quick.

Joe Hoffman: Here we go….

Boettcher signals for the bell and we are officially underway…

The two wrestlers eye each other down as they begin to circle each other and the fans are really into it as the women are all chanting for Carey while all the men are chanting for Aceldama..

Joe Hoffman: A very divided crowd here tonight…

Benny Newell: Dicks vs. Vaginas…nothing like a good old smackdown…..wish Mario was here to see this..

Joe Hoffman: I am sure he is watching somewhere…

Back in the ring the Champion and Challenger finally lock up and it’s not match for Carey as Aceldama literally throws her backwards into the far corner and then smiles down at Carey who seems shocked that the man threw her down so hard.

Benny Newell: She’s surprised? Stupid little girl….

Carey charges at Aceldama and she is met halfway with a power clothesline from Aceldama that turns Carey inside out and the male fans cheer loudly as the women boo as Ace just sneers down at Carey before dropping down and nailing her with an elbow to the back of her head…..and then another one…..and before dropping one final one he smirks out into the crowd and then proceeds to drop the point of his elbow right in the base of Carey’s neck…..

Carey begins rolling around on the canvas holding her neck in obvious pain as Aceldama mockingly wipes his hands clean as he stalks her.

Carey makes it to the far ropes and starts to raise up as Aceldama rears back to nail her with a right hand but Carey is able to kick him in the gut and stop his momentum and then she follows that up with a quick drop kick to the Champions knee and as he falls to his knees, she follows up with shining wizard kick that sends Aceldama down to the canvas fully as now the women are screaming in favor of the action in the ring.

Joe Hoffman: Carey has to stay on top of Aceldama right now…..she has the advantage with him on the ground…

Benny Newell: Wow…you really are a wealth of knowledge you know that….I mean a fucking wealth….

Back in the ring Carey continues to pummel Aceldama with various kicks and punches, never getting within range of the man’s grasp and never allowing him to get fully to his feet. Over the course of the next several minutes Carey stays on the offensive as she begins to use the cage to her benefit as she continually drives the head of the Champion into the unforgiving steel.

Carey then makes her first mistake of the night as she tries to make an escape attempt and as she is halfway up the cage, a now bloody Aceldama, reaches up and literally tosses her off the cage like she was a small child.

The men erupt into cheers as Aceldama leans on the top rope, trying to shake off the last few minutes of constant blows to his head from Carey.

Aceldama doesn’t take long however as it is now his turn to go on the offensive as he begins to put on a clinic on Carey as its obvious that he is done messing around with the HOW Hall of Famer.

At one point Aceldama literally holds Careys throat with one hand while he repeatedly nails her with head butts that bust upon both of their heads and the last one causing Carey to go limp in his hand.

Joe Hoffman: This just isn’t right….this match should of never been made….this is just a total lopsided affair and Carey should just let Ace climb out now…she hung in there enough tonight…I am worried about more damage to her head….she was just in a coma you know??

Benny Newell: Ace knows that you fucking idiot and that’s why he is going after her head…she climbed into this match on her own free will….

Back in the ring Aceldama grabs Carey by the hair with both hands and literally flings her over the top rope and into the cage as Benny proudly states that the move is called The Rag Doll.

Several female fans near ringside begin throwing debris into the ring as the Aceldama picks up the bloodied challenger and proceeds to pick her up, standing her up between the ropes and the cage.

With a smile, Aceldama then proceeds to bounce Carey’s head off the steel several times before Boettcher pleads with Aceldama to let up and Ace lets go ….long enough to scare Boettcher off him.

As Aceldama turns back towards Carey he smiles at the woman lying in her own blood and then his smile broadens as he looks down at his own hands and he sees her fine black hair stuck in between his fingers.

Joe Hoffman: This is getting sick…..Benny give me a drink…..

Benny Newell: Seriously??

In the ring Aceldama pulls the dead weight of a body that is Carey now, to her feet and he proceeds to put her on his shoulder and he walks towards the turnbuckle and begins to climb the ropes with Carey on his shoulder…

Joe Hoffman: Um ya……drink….NOW….

Benny takes a big swig before passing it to Joe as they watch along with everyone else as Aceldama literally is on the top rope with Carey on his shoulder.

Holding her by her hair, Aceldama slaps Carey hard across the face several times and it provides his wanted result as Bobbinette snaps to and begins screaming instantly as she is in the full grasp of Aceldama.

She begins slapping at Ace who starts to climb the cage, dragging Carey up with him by her hair. The HOW Hall of Famer has no choice but to follow as she scrapes and claws to break his hold but she is unable to.

The whole Kallisten Coliseum is on their feet as both wrestlers reach the top and Aceldama turns and sits on the top of the cage in the corner as he pulls Carey up towards him with two full hands of hair.

Carey struggles, but is able to make it to the top of the cage as well, and while still holding her by the hair, Aceldama forces her to look at him…and then to the middle of the ring and tells her she is about to get Powerbombed …EPICALLY…

Carey instantly begins to scream and tries one final time to escape his grasp as she slings a leg over the cage and tries to fall to the arena floor but Aceldama holds her in place and grabs her by her arm and then by the back of her neck and reels her in close to him.

Carey, on pure instinct, immediately grabs Aceldama’s groin with her Royal Grasp testicular hold and now it is the screams of Aceldama that can be heard as he hold on Carey relaxes and he tries to force her to let up on her grip but she is twisting his balls back and forth and she is gritting her teeth and the image of blood dripping over her white teeth sends Joe into another drink.

The women are screaming for Carey to rip his balls off but she has a better idea….she lets go..

Benny Newell: What??

Joe Hoffman: WHAT???

As Aceldama sits perched on the top of the cage, now holding his testicles in pain, Carey pulls herself up with the help of a steel cable that is holding the cage in place, and she is literally standing on the top of the cage and using the cable as a guide she walks the last few feet towards Aceldama and jumps….

Right onto his shoulders and she bends backwards and grabs the top the cage with her hands as she literally Hurricanranas Aceldama off the top of the cage!!!

Joe Hoffman: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!

Aceldama falls like a ton of bricks to the canvas and isn’t moving as Carey, who barely held onto the cage, strengthens her grip and turns and with a bloody face smiles…


Joe and the crowd are standing as Carey climbs over the top of the cage and slowly starts down the other side and when she gets halfway down she literally jumps the final few feet and collapses on the ground.



Benny is in complete shock as the Kallisten Coliseum is shaking from the cheers from the fans as Turmoil comes to a close as we see a final image of Carey being presented with the High Octane Championship.

Scott Woodson’s testimony is next!!!



As the live portion of Turmoil ends we cut to video tape from earlier today inside the Cook County Courthouse as we see the Honorable Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr sitting behind the bench and the prosecutor Mr. Fitzgerald standing up in front of the court room.

Fitzgerald: The state would now like to call Mr. Scott Thomas Woodson to the stand.

The court room doors open and the people in attendance eagerly turn their heads as the now former General Manager of HOW enters, dressed in his paint splattered hockey jersey and torn up jeans… or some of his nicest clothes as he would say. He walks in with hardly no expression on his face, which quickly changes as he locks eyes with Lee and you can see the anger in the eyes of Scottywood.

Bailiff: This way Mr. Woodson.

We can see the entire Cool Reality team, Mr. Cool, Frankie and Kelly all sitting in the crowd as Scotty takes his seat in the witness box and the bailiff brings over the bible to Scottywood.

Bailiff: Place your right hand on the…..

Scottywood: I don’t think any church wants me to do that… so how about I promise to tell the truth and we move on?

The bailiff looks over to Biebel Jr. who nods his head as the bailiff walks away and Fitzgerald makes his way up to Scottywood.

Fitzgerald: Will you please state your name and occupation for the court room?

Scottywood: Hold on a second…

Reaching into his pocket we see Scotty pull out a small bottle of Zyr vodka which he opens and takes a long drink from before closing it as Fitzgerald looks on in shock and looks over to the judge who doesn’t really know what to do, never seeing someone do such a thing in a courtroom before.

Scottywood: Anyhow, I am Scott Woodson, a.k.a. “The Hardcore Artist” Scottywood, and I work as a wrestler and former General Manager and Commissioner of High Octane Wrestling since about August of 2008.

Fitzgerald: So it is safe to say that you have a very in-depth knowledge of the going ons of HOW?

Scottywood: Definitely, like I said I have been both Commissioner and General Manager of HOW.

Fitzgerald: We have heard from numerous witnesses that HOW is all entertainment, that what the public sees on television and live events is not what it always seems to be. What do you have to say to those claims?

Scottywood: Entertainment? I guess to some. Though I don’t know how many normal people enjoyed watching matches like myself versus Ken Davidson at Rumble at the Rock, where I crucified him on a cross to win a match. Now by crucify I don’t mean I just tied him to a cross and strung it up. No, I took spikes and drove them through each hand of Ken, his real blood was spilled and afterwards he could REALLY fit golf balls through his hands.

We can see numerous members of the courtroom audience wincing in disgust as Scotty describes what he did to Ken Davidson, while Kelly and Mr. Cool have large smiles on their faces.

Fitzgerald: How about the incident involving your now adopted son Frank Calrissian where Lee Best stabbed him in the eye with a ball point pen….

Lee Best: Objection, allegedly stabbed him. I maintain it was all entertainment; there is no proof of a real stabbing.

Scottywood: Allegedly!! Have you seen the hole in Frankie’s head where his eye should be? Does that look fake you fuckin’ asshole?

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Order… Order! Watch the language Mr. Woodson or I’ll find you in contempt of court.

Fitzgerald: Now you were formerly a member of the now defunct Best Alliance, is that correct?

Scottywood: Yes, I used to be one of Lee’s right hand men in his Alliance.

Fitzgerald: And as such did he ever order you to perform illegal acts.

Scottywood: I can’t even count the number of beat downs and assaults that Lee ordered me and other members of the alliance to do. Almost every week we would take someone out, or soften them up so Lee could plunge his pen into their eye.

Fitzgerald: So in your professional opinion as a wrestler and former management personnel in HOW, that Lee Best is guilty of all the charges placed upon him by the state of Chicago?

Scottywood: Damn right that mother fucker is guilty. Not to say I wouldn’t do the same exact thing in his shoes though. But you crossed me for the…

Fitzgerald: No further questions Your Honor.

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Mr. Best, your witness.

We see Lee stand up from his table and make his way over to Scottywood who has a smirk on his face.

Lee Best: So Scotty, why is it you decided to come here today and lie under oath about my actions in HOW?

Scottywood: Lie? Well if by lie you mean I wouldn’t accept your insult of a bribe to give Frankie a LSD title shot in exchange for a positive testimony…. Then sure, I guess I am lying…. That is sarcasm Mister court dude.

We suddenly see Frankie pop up from his seat in the court room.

Frankie: LSD title shot?!? I accept! I accept!

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Someone quiet that child!

Kelly restrains her son Frankie as Scotty just shakes his head as he takes another drink from his bottle of vodka.

Scottywood: This is good shit Lee, you should try it if you ever get out of jail before your 80th birthday.

Lee Best: Funny Scotty… But I wanna go back to this alleged stabbing of Frankie… your son’s eye. Were you present when this happened?

Scottywood: Well…. No, but I saw the aftermath of it.

Lee Best: That’s right, you were off running away with your newly won LSD title while these alleged events happened.

Scottywood: Fine Lee, I never saw the exact event happen. Maybe Frankie fell into a door knob and lost his eye… maybe a seagull came and pecked it out… maybe Ethan Cavanaugh’s cock got too close and took it out.

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Watch it Mr. Woodson.

Scottywood: What I have seen you do is stab numerous others in the eye with that pen, and from that I can reasonably conclude that you did the same to Frankie.

Lee Best: I have no…

Scottywood: No, you’re not getting off that easy. You crossed me by letting Simon take my job and you couldn’t even offer me something better for my testimony. Hell, Vice President of HOW would have sounded pretty nice. But instead you insulted me Lee and now you’re gonna rot in fuckin jail!

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Order!

Scottywood: I’ll show you fuckin’ order…. Cancer!

We suddenly see Mr. Cool stand up in the court room with a carton of eggs in hand as he starts firing eggs, two strike the judge square in the face and one hits Lee in the back of his head.

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Bailiff, arrest that man for contempt of court!

Scottywood: Ladies and gentlemen, find that son of a bitch guilty! He took my son’s eye! He will never be a star NHL player! Never be in NASCAR! And never be an Olympian Curler!!

Frankie: I just wanted to sweep ice in Vancouver!!

Judge Paul P. Biebel Jr.: Bailiff take the witness into custody too!

Officers grab both Mr. Cool and Scottywood as they start to drag them out of the court room as Frankie is crying from his one good eye as the prosecutor just shakes his head and Lee Best seems somewhat worried despite the crazy ending to the day’s testimonies.

Show Details

Kalisten Coliseum

Chicago, Illinois

Show times

  • 9:00PM