Monday Night Mayhem
Monday; October 27th, 2008 – #HOW24
Manchester Evening News Arena; Manchester, England
The Best Arrival
The High Octane Television logo gives way to the Monday Night Mayhem logo as the 22nd Mayhem since the April relaunch, kicks off with Back in Black blasting thru the Manchester News Arena here in Manchester England.
Joe Hoffman: Well true to what millions read on HOWrestling.com today, Lee Best is on his way out to kick off another edition of Monday Night Mayhem. I am Joe Hoffman and as always I am joined on commentating by Big Buff Benny Newell, and Benny what kind of condition can we expect the owner of HOW to be in as he comes out here tonight?
Big Buff: Well we are about to find out Joe as Lee is set to make his first public appearance since the assault he endured at the hands of Chris Kostoff at Rumble at the Rock.
Joe Hoffman: Assault is a strong word but he sure as heck took a beating. A beating so severe that he hasn’t been heard from or seen since, although he was supposed to be heard from last week but our new commissioner All F’n That Jeff Harris put a quick stop to that….and wait……here he comes!!
The Manchester crowd turns as one towards the entrance ramp as Mindy Smith appears pushing a wheel chair in front of her.
Joe Hoffman: Well there is Lee’s personal secretary the jezebel Mindy Smith.
Big Buff: Watch it Joe…..
The cameras zoom in the figure in the wheel chair as the figure is bandaged heavily but as the camera zooms in further we see the unmistakable Bottom Line pen sticking out of the front pocket of the owner of HOW. The crowd shows no mercy for Lee however as Mindy stops the wheel chair at ringside and helps the owner up the stairs and into the ring where she literally holds Lee by the arm and the two step in the center of the ring where Mindy pulls a microphone out from the front of her pants and pulls out a piece of paper from her pocket and raises the microphone to her mouth as the heavily bandaged Lee Best stands with head leaning to the side as she begins to read from her cards.
Mindy Smith: Welcome everyone to Monday Night Mayhem! The crowd feigns applause as Mindy begins glowing as she is the center of attention for once here in HOW.
Mindy Smith: I stand here before you because the God of HOW, Lee Best….
Mindy pauses to give a Price is Right type gesture towards Lee which brings a loud chorus of boos down upon her….but she continues nonetheless, enjoying the spotlight.
Mindy Smith: The God of HOW, Lee Best, who would like me to let everyone know that he is doing fine, he is thankful to all the millions and millions of get well cards he received while in the hospital and not to mention all the prayers that you…the fans…have said on his behalf over the last few weeks since that illegal beating he took from Chris Kostoff.
The crowd erupts into cheers at the name of the HOW Hall of Famer.
Joe Hoffman: Millions of cards? Prayers? Do you honestly think Lee got those from anyone?
Big Buff: I sent three myself and I pray every night for Lee…you don’t?
Joe just rolls his eyes as inside the ring Mindy continues..
Mindy Smith: Last week Lee wanted to address all the fans and thank them for his support but because of the actions of the new commissioner he was unable to and that is why he flew across the pond and came here tonight to drop some big news for you adoring High Octane Fans…
The crowd again gives Mindy some mock applause as she turns to another card.
Mindy Smith: Lee would like me to state that he is fully behind the new commissioner and no matter what anyone thinks he is glad that he is no longer the only man in charge, but he is still the man in charge and that is why he wants to announce a few things before turning the show over to the new Commish and flying back to Chicago where in two weeks time HOW will be back to open up The Best Arena for the first time.
The crowd boos loudly at the name of the new arena..
Mindy Smith: First off Lee would like to announce that the High Octane Emarket is now up and running and can be found at howmerch.leebesthow.com. This is where you will find all your favorite HOW superstars merchandise and all your High Octane Gear as well.
Mindy turns to her last card…
Mindy Smith: Lee would also like to announce that next Monday the High Octane Television network will officially launch all original programming starring some of your favorite High Octane Superstars, and not to mention some other all original pro wrestling entertainment. Again this will debut next Monday in the time slot normally reserved for Mayhem as there will be no Mayhem next week as Lee is giving everyone a paid week’s vacation off!
Mindy turns to Lee and pecks him on his bandaged cheek as the crowd cheers at finally hearing the official launch date for HOTv.
Joe Hoffman: That is some big news there Benny.
Big Buff: Watch out for Double Stuff with Buff!
Joe Hoffman: Huh? What?
Benny just smiles as he takes a shot and points back in the ring as Mindy pulls a card out from her cleavage, obviously having forgotten it. She smiles as several cat calls come down from the Manchester crowd.
Mindy Smith: I almost forgot this one…..but finally Lee would like to announce that on December 15th live in HD on the HOTv network the next HOW PPV ICONIC will take place and since A.F.T announced possible World and ICON title matches Lee would like to announce the LSD Title Match for that evening.
The crowd erupts at the announcement as Mindy continues…
Mindy Smith: The winner of tonight’s Chris Kostoff vs. Scottywood LSD Title Match will go on to ICONIC to face off with none other than LSD Division staple Silent Witness in a Falls Count Anywhere Match!!!
The crowd erupts at the big announcement as Joe wonders why Lee is giving Silent Witness a title shot?
Mindy Smith: Um ok…that is all…oh wait….ICONIC…..like I said it is taking place on December 15th and it will be taking not inside The Best Arena but instead in the arena where one of the most famous matches in HOW’s history took place…I am of course talking about Jatt Starr defeating Darkwing in an Iron Man Match inside the Toronto Skydome at Genesis!!
Joe Hoffman: Wow! We are heading back to the Skydome…well it’s the Rogers Centre now…but that is huge…the first HOW PPV in Canada since…well Genesis several years ago!
Big Buff: That is big and I am still shocked that Lee …..wait…Lee is signaling for the mic!!
The cameras show Lee motioning for Mindy to give him the microphone and she does with a smile and as Lee takes it in his hand she starts clapping for him as the fans begin booing. Lee then reaches up with his off hand and begins unwrapping his bandages and after a few moments there is a gasp in the crowd as it is obvious that it is not Lee Best under the wraps!
Joe Hoffman: Oh my god…that’s…..THATS OUR COMMISSIONER!!
As the final part of the bandage falls off the face of what we thought was Lee Best, we see the smiling face of the new HOW commissioner, All F’N That Jeff Harris.
The crowd erupts into a thunderous ovation as Mindy looks on shocked and quickly exits the ring and begins storming back to the back fighting back tears as she knows Lee is going to have her ass for helping out Harris, who is watching her leave smiling as he takes in the ovation.
A.F.T: Lee isn’t here folks, Lee was never coming, and quite frankly he won’t be coming anytime soon. Everything Mindy just read off was true though…..but the words weren’t from the mouth of Lee Best…no…no..no….they were the doctrine of yours truly and folks that’s just fact.
The crowd cheers as a stunned Benny and Joe just listen in as Harris continues…
A.F.T: Folks after tonight I promise you that all the title matches for ICONIC will be in place and once Lee finally does return, and there is no promise that he will, he will get to book the undercard……but the reason the buyrate for ICONIC will be the biggest in HOW history is because I am giving you the fans….the matches you want!!
Again the crowd cheers as Joe runs down that now we officially have the ICON and LSD Title matches set with the World to be settled tonight and assumes the Stable Title match will be announced later as well.
A.F.T: Before we can get to ICONIC we have to finish up tonight’s show so without any more talking…lets get to the action!!
A.F.T. drops the mic and heads to the back as the crowd cheers him on wildly as Mayhem cuts away to a commercial hyping the launch of the High Octane Emarket.
COMMERCIAL FOR THE HOE IS SHOWN….
SPOTLIGHTING THE WEBSITE….
LSD Title Match
Chris Kostoff vs. Scottywood
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back folks to Monday Night Mayhem and we just heard from what we thought was Lee Best but was instead our Commish once again getting one over on Lee, that the winner of this LSD Championship match will head to ICONIC to take on the man that built the LSD division up… Silent Witness.
Big Buff: Harris needs to be fucking stopped…and stopped now. But frankly it doesn’t matter what happens as Scottywood is going to get revenge on Kostoff for what he did to Lee and then he will go onto ICONIC and squash that fucker Silent Witness and then it will be Scottywood who will be talked about years from now as the man that was the LSD Division….not Silent Witness.
Joe Hoffman: Well for that to happen he has to get thru the man that took out the owner of High Octane Wrestling, not to mention Chuck Norris……Chris Kostoff.
Benny blows Joe off as The Game by Crystal Method begins blasting thru the arena and Chris Kostoff makes his way out to a loud ovation as Joe recaps that last week it was Kostoff who lost pretty handily to Harris in his follow up match post RATR. Benny then states that Scottywood is coming off a win against Godly Ken Davison at RATR in which he literally crucified the number one contender at the time for his LSD Championship.
Back in the ring Kostoff seems more focused this week than last and as Stricken by Disturbed begins playing he gives all his attention to Scottywood as he makes his way out with the LSD Title firmly around his waist.
The English crowd gives it to Scottywood pretty hard as the Best Alliance member makes his way down to the ring, never taking his eyes off of Kostoff. It is at this point Joe asks Benny who the hell is in the Best Alliance as he has lost track since RATR and Benny quickly replies that it is the future world champ Maximillian Kael, the man that won the Stable Title for the Best Alliance, Triple M and his friend Triple P and of course the LSD Champion..Scottywood.
As HOW referee Carl Hortega takes the LSD Championship belt from the champ and holds it high, Joe notes that you can literally feel the hatred these two men have for each other. Hortega then signals for the bell and we are underway as the two men lock up in the center of the ring. The HOW Hall of Famer quickly gains the upper hand as he pushes Scotty off him hard, sending the champ falling backwards towards the corner. Kostoff doesn’t wait for him to get up and nails the champ with a running knee and continues to work on Scotty in the corner until the champ is finally able to escape via a wicked eye rake which sends Kostoff down to his knees holding his eyes as Scotty escapes to the outside to collect himself. That doesn’t last long however as Kostoff rolls to the outside and charges the champ and ducks a right hand only to start delivering his own.
Kostoff wears Scotty out on the outside for a few more moments before rolling the champion back into the ring before Hortega can count to diez and end the match via count out. Back in the ring Scottywood is able to gain the advantage after reversing a DDT by Kostoff into a DDT of his own following several hard back elbows. The crowd is firmly behind Kostoff as the he fights to regain the advantage as Scotty tries time after time to get himself DQ’ed but Hortega is having none of it and finally frustrated Scotty nails Hortega and rolls out of the ring and snatches his LSD title belt and starts up the ramp as the fans begin throwing trash at Scotty and Kostoff looks on, laughing, at the cowardly move by Scotty.
Suddenly Jeff Harris appears on the ramp and he has Silent Witness with him, who is wearing a referee shirt, and sends him down towards Scottywood who turns and starts back towards the ring where he is met halfway by Kostoff who nails him from behind and drags him back to the ring as the crowd is cheering loudly as Witness rolls into the ring just as Kostoff tosses Scottywood in.
Joe notes that is amazing to see the Best Alliance getting things done to them that they have done to EVERYONE else thru the years. Benny is calling for the commish’s head as Kostoff raises Scottywood up and nails him with his sit down powerbomb finisher called NO REMORSE and makes the cover as Witness gets in position to count…
WINNER OF THE MATCH AND NEW LSD CHAMPION….CHRIS KOSTOFF!!!!
Post match we see Witness hand the title to Kostoff and raises his arm high in the air as they stand over the body of the former champion as we head to commercial as Joe and Benny are drawn out by the rabid fans inside the arena.
COMMERCIAL FOR THE HOTV IS SHOWN
Best Alliance Regroup?
Back live and we are inside the Best Alliance locker room where Scottywood is trashing the place as Triple M and Triple P look on. After a final punch to the wall, Scottywood falls exhausted down to a chair and looks at the Perfectly Marvelous team with rage in his eyes.
Scottywood: Where the fuck were you two? I just got screwed out of the LSD Title and now I am off the biggest PPV of the year because you two didn’t have my back….WHERE WERE YOU TWO!!
Triple M adjusts the Stable Title from one shoulder to the other as he motions to Triple M that he has this one.
Mario: Look Scotty the fact is that Harris saw us rushing out of the room here and told us that if we got involved that I would be…I mean WE would be…stripped of the Stable Title and quite frankly I didn’t want to cost US a title…right?
Triple P nods at the logic that Mario just put out there but Scotty is having none of it is just too drained emotionally and physically to go all night arguing with these two.
Scottywood: Look when Lee gets back I am sure I will get my rematch….but for now…..this stable needs to regain some control from that asshole Harris and that starts tonight when we make sure Max defeats Shane and goes on to ICONIC and brings the World Title back to the BA……you guys agree?
The two men nod their approval and motion that they got Scotty’s back.
Scottywood: Anyone seen Max?
Mario: Nah, but I don’t think I have ever seen him miss a show…so don’t worry…there is too much at stake…I am sure he is just off somewhere talking to himself and getting ready.
Scottywood: Ya……too much on the line is right….
Mario: Alright Scotty we are out. Paul has this idiotic handicap match next and Harris has already stated we are banned but I am going to walk him out to the gorilla and go over a few last minute game plans.
Exhausted, Scotty just motions the two men on and as they leave the room Scotty puts his feet up on the desk and leans back and then realizes something…
Scottywood: I could get used to this….. Scotty then pulls his feet back and turns in the chair and we see LEE BEST engraved into the back of the chair as Mayhem cuts to another part of the backstage area.
Backstage “Cowboy” Chris Black is seen walking dressed . He eventually gets to his destination; Bobbinette Carey’s locker room. He knocks on the door and shortly after the door opens and Bobbinette seems a bit unsure about the situation.
Chris:” Here’s the thing…I’m new around here so you don’t know me, but I say what I mean and mean what I say. There’s no ploy here, all I want tonight is to go out there and have a good match. I just wanted you to know that…May the best person win.”
He says, as he smilingly tips his cowboy hat to Bobbinette before turning around and walking away, leaving Bobbinette looking somewhat confused as Mayhem cuts to a commercial as Joe hypes the Team Epic vs. Triple P handicap match that is coming up next!!
COMMERCIAL FOR BUDWEISER IS SHOWN
Perfect Paul Paras vs. Ken Davison & Mathew Williams
Back from commercial and Joe and Benny go over the fact that ever since Rumble at the Rock when Harris took over as Commish, it has not been good for the Best Alliance and this next match is an example of that as the HOTv screen comes to life showing the Commish booking this handicap match last week on Mayhem.
As the video ends the crowd cheers as once again Joe drives the point home that it is so refreshing to see the Best Alliance on the receiving end of some things while Benny continues to call for the head of Harris and notes that as the ratings go down everyone will be clamoring for Lee to return. Joe begins to counter point but he is interrupted as Headspace by Velvet Revolver begins playing and as Perfect Paul Paras makes his way out to some boos, mainly cause of him being Best Alliance and not cause of the fans knowing entirely who he is.
As Paras climbs into the ring he is checked by Matt Boettcher, HOW Senior Ref, for weapons as the crowd erupts as Team Epic members Godly Ken Davison and Matthew Williams make their way out. Joe notes the carbonite gloves that Davison is wearing and he hopes to see the new Phoenix Splash from Davison as well tonight. Benny counters that there this match is unfair and there should be no way that this takes place.
Benny’s point is mute though as Team Epic enters the ring and Boettcher signals for the bell and the crowd is amped up for what should be another Best Alliance defeat. Paras stands in a fighting position as Joe reminds the viewers that Harris has banned the Best Alliance from this match so Triple P has no choice but to go on his own tonight.
The crowd is chanting EPIC as Davison and William’s circle Paras who is keeping his distance. Davison then pats Williams on the back and then proceeds to push Williams’s right into Paras who nails him with a wicked Spinebuster. The crowd is in shock as Davison exits the ring, leaving Williams alone, as Paras picks Williams by the hair and proceeds to nail him with his air raid finisher which Benny tells the audience is named the Weapon of Mass Perfection.
Joe is stunned as Paras makes the cover on Williams as Boettcher counts as HOW cameras show Davison walking to the back without even looking back to the ring as Boettcher makes the three count and Paras pulls off the improbable win.
WINNER OF THE MATCH IN 1:45 PERFECT PAUL PARAS
Post match we see Carey welcoming Davison to the back and it is obvious that they planned the demise of Matthew Williams and he is no longer in Team Epic. Mayhem then cuts to a commercial as we see Triple P hamming it up after his first HOW victory as the English fans boo him loudly.
COMMERCIAL FOR THE HIGH OCTANE SPORTSBOOK IS SHOWN
Don’t bring the family!!
Back live and Joe notes that the arena lies filled with hardcore British HOW fans, waiting for the show to go on, but then a cutting into the live feed a scratching static takes over. The fans eyes hit the screen curious, a dripping can be heard, and silence takes over as their curiosity grows.
Joe Hoffman: What the hell is this Benny?
Benny Newell: Sorry I’m distracted by the chick in the crowd with the huge knockers, what’s dripping?
Joe Hoffman: Benny look…
Benny Newell: God-damn it!
The screen stays black, not due to no feed, but due to a dark room, eyes are peeled waiting for something. Suddenly a weeping groan can be heard, muttering, as if held back, being kept quiet, and then click. The rattling of a chain follows as a blinking light suffers to light up, flashing and blinking itself to life, but managing to reveal a figure.
Joe Hoffman: Is that?
Benny Newell: Who cares I’m running low on alcohol!
Hoffman: You have four bottles under the desk!!
Benny Newell: Your point?
A bulb hangs at the top of the screen, swaggering as the coughing blink of light continues, choking itself to life, the chain swinging in front of it. Eventually the light stays on, brightening things, revealing the figure to be a girl, tape tightened around her mouth gagging her, she’s tied to a chair suffering with tears running down her face.
Joe Hoffman: Oh my god, Benny… that’s… that’s…
Benny Newell: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! ..
This all runs quickly through everyone’s mind as their eyes scan the poor girls status, but then it hits them. The fans realize, the staff realize, anyone watching realizes, the tied up, innocent, helpless girl is none other than the sister of Bobbinette Carey herself, Livie. All gasp at the site of her, hands to mouths, dropped jaws, unblinking eyes continuously watching, but cutting in, a split screen takes over the feed, the shocking scene on one side, and a camera rushing through the HOW corridors backstage.
Benny Newell: Ha! Ha! Ha! ..I can’t stop laughing Joe, finally someone stuck it to the bitches around here!
Joe Hoffman: Benny how could you? That’s an innocent girl right there! I can’t believe this.. I wonder if Carey knows?!
While the girl groans in misery, unable to do anything, everyone watches the camera continue to wobble about backstage in a hurry, and comes to a halt outside the locker room of Bobbinette Carey. The cameraman doesn’t even knock, he rushes straight in, and there stands Carey and Davison. She looks startled at the intrusion Bobbinette looks at the person bursting in their locker room turning around ready to launch at the cameraman with a clenched fist. He shrieks and begs Carey to listen, she stops, he flicks on her locker room TV and Carey suddenly sinks into the screen, dropping to her knees, reaching for the TV, wiping her hands across it as she sees her sister, tied up.
Benny Newell: Ha! Ha! I’m loving this, I wonder who it is, I wanna shake there hand!
Joe Hoffman: Benny your sick, just stop it! Have we not seen enough kidnapping here in HOW???
A tear gathers in the corner of Carey’s eye, she can’t understand what’s going on, but the feed cuts off, the static covers the screen and quickly disappears returning feed back to Mayhem. Carey panics even more, her hands fondling the television, she bashes a few buttons hoping the image will return, still unanswered questions with her sister tied up, held against her will. Carey leaps to her feet and charges out of the room leaving the cameraman far behind with her fast pace.
Joe Hoffman: I wonder what Carey’s going to do as her match is up next!
Benny Newell: Heh, who cares, that hot chick in the crowds back!
Mayhem then cuts to a commercial as a stunned crowd is still reeling from the emotional outcry of emotion from Carey.
COMMERCIAL FOR HIGH OCTANE RADIO…RETURNING NEXT MONDAY NIGHT….IS SHOWN
Chris Black vs. Bobbinette Carey
Back live and the HOTv replays the footage that we just seen as Joe notes that it has to be a Best Alliance member as they lead the league in kidnapping here in HOW. Benny counters that it could be anyone and for Joe to quit blaming the Best Alliance all the time. Knowing he is fighting an argument he cannot win, Joe points out that an emotionally distraught Bobbinette Carey is about to take on new HOW wrestling Cowboy Chris Black and on cue “Ain’t Going Down” by Garth Brooks hits the PA system and Cowboy Chris Black makes his way down to the ring to some cheers but mostly indifference as he climbs into the ring.
“Best Damn Thing” by Avril Lavigne hits the PA system and the crowd goes apeshit as Team Epic leader and former World Champion and current No.1 contender for the ICON Championship, Bobbinette Carey makes her way out to a very loud ovation. Joe points out that Carey is without Princess and looks like she is ready to kill as she storms down to the ring and climbs in and doesn’t pay any attention to her fans as the tears have yet to dry on her face after witnessing her sister Livie in harms way.
Black then offers his hand out to Carey who slaps it away and HOTv HD picks up her mouthing the words “ Did you do it?” to Cowboy Chris Black but he shakes his head no but Carey doesn’t believe him or anyone for that matter and proceeds to nail Black with a right hand, catching him off guard and knocking him to the ground. Carey is running on pure emotion as she continues the onslaught on Black who is able to use Carey’s aggression against herself as he catches her powerful clothesline after ducking another right hand from the Queen B of HOW.
Black is then on the offensive for a few minutes as he nails Carey with some big suplexs and some hard rights and lefts before going for his finisher The Bumpy Ride but Carey ducks under the super kick attempt and nails Black with her own superkick. Rookie Referee Mark Toner counts a near fall at this point and it is at this point that Carey notices that her nose is bleeding from the hard clothesline from Black and she proceeds to go apeshit on Black, and as the crowd cheers her on loudly she is able to nail Black with her Royalty Check finisher and Toner makes the count as the crowd counts along…
WINNER OF THE MATCH IN 11:03 BOBBINETTE CAREY
Post match we see Carey help Black to his feet and gives him a brief hug and Joe notes that Carey realizes the Chris Black was not the one that abducted Livie and she exits the ring, still angry as all hell, as Black and the English fans applaud Carey as she goes thru the entrance ramp.
The action then cuts backstage to the Best Alliance locker room….
The action picks up inside the Best Alliance locker room where All F’N That Jeff Harris has just stormed in, breaking up the little victory party they had going after the big win by Triple P.
Jeff Harris: Now I know everyone in this room just enjoyed Paul getting the win after Davison left his partner high and dry but fear not Mario because you haven’t been left out my friend. There’s nothing better than watching someone try and overcome the odds which is why next Mayhem it will be the Marvelous one Mario Maurako taking on Paul Paras…
The crowd gasps as Paul and Mario look at each other as Scottywood jumps up out of his…errr…Lee Best’s chair as the Commish continues…
Harris: Not just Paul though, Mario will be taking on Scottywood as well!
Cheers emanate from all over the Manchester Evening News arena as the Alliance members start throwing tantrums at the Commish.
Jeff Harris: That’s right fucknut and if you lot try to get clever and job the match suspensions with out pay will be made! So I better see some physicality between the three of you. Also that match will open Mayhem next week as you three are the new jobbers here in HOW and just to show you that I am fair someone from the Best Alliance will be in the Main Event two weeks from now on Mayhem….
The Alliance members stare at each other and then at Harris, unsure if they want to know..
Jeff Harris: In the Main Event to end the first event inside The Best Arena the Best Alliance will defend the Stable Title as Godly Ken Davison will take on…..YOU SCOTTYWOOD!!!
Joe Hoffman: Scottywood has been double booked!!!
Harris quickly exits the Best Alliance locker room as they look at each other stunned as the crowd is cheering loudly as Mayhem cuts to a commercial.
COMMERCIAL FOR ICONIC ON DECEMEBER 15TH IS SHOWN
Church of the Unholy
Back live and the HOTv comes alive showing the first few appearances from the group calling themselves the Church of the Unholy. Footage of them serving as the guards in the Main Event at Rumble at the Rock is shown and then last week when they came out to stare down Bobbinette Carey or was it HOW in general?
Joe notes that he just got word that there are cameras backstage and we are about to hear from the group now! Backstage in the Church of the Unholy’s dressing room, Darth Varga and other assorted minions of darkness surrounding him most notably Wolfen, the Horny Mathematician, Dr. Acula, and the Space Condom Monster of Death. Darth points to the camera as he begins to speak.
Darth: Infidel swine of the HOW, we are the Church of the Unholy and we will bring about the APOCALYPSE of HOW! By that I mean we have a plan in mind for taking over the entire HOW organization under our management.
Darth makes a fist with the hand he was pointing with.
Darth: We will CRUSH you all by doing what is economically not possible at this point in time. We are going to use some Unholy funds to BUY out this entire fed’s stock. That’s right! We don’t give a shit about anything but our plan for world destruction. This will be your nightmare and our glorious victory to help bring about Armageddon one federation at a time.
Darth then motions to the Space Condom Monster of Death.
Darth: This will be my partner in destruction. We will CRUSH you all into little pieces and feed you to the Giant Man-Eating Vagina we have at the Castle of Blood! You all will be destroyed!
The Space Condom Monster roars.
Darth: Now that’s what I’m talking about! HOW, you’ve been warned. We don’t mess around. We’re all business. We may seem like a bunch of misfit creatures of darkness but we’re bad ass and we’re going to put you all in a perpetual state of eternal darkness.
The lights then quickly cut out in the locker room and the scene cuts to static as the cameraman is apparently mauled by the Space Condom Monster of Death! Cut.
Shane Reynolds vs. Max Kael
Joe and Benny are looking at each other dumbfounded at what they just witnessed on their monitors. Benny makes several comments about the Condom monster but Joe is able to steer the talk to the fact that it is now time for the main event as Shane Reynolds is about to finally get his hands on Maximillian Kael and if Max is able to get the win here he moves on to ICONIC to face Shane for the World Title!
Shane then right on cue makes his way out and the crowd goes berserk for the World Champion and Joe notes that right now Shane looks unbeatable and reminds the viewers that the Commish also decreed last week that the winner of this match will face him at the next Mayhem which fittingly will be the first show at The Best Arena. Benny notes that he hopes Max kills Shane tonight and then moves on to destroy Harris in two weeks time so that when Lee returns all will be well here in HOW.
But that is obviously not what the fans want as they are still going crazy for the World Champion as they all await the entrance of the former World Champion. As everyone waits on Max to arrive Joe fills some time by reminding the viewers that these two men are nominees for this years HOW Hall of Fame class and what a better way to show that they belong with the HOW immortals than to put on a classic tonight. But the crowd begins to grow antsy as Max’s entrance music ends and still there is no sign.
Suddenly he HOTv lights up displaying the image of an eight-year old blonde girl blindfolded and tied to a chair.
Shane falls to his knees inside the ring as the image is frozen on the HOTv as it is now apparent that Maximillian Kael is not here in England but instead finishing up what he started. Joe then apologizes that there will be no Main Event this week as Benny wonders out loud when someone will call the cops here in HOW for the kidnappings that have been running rampant lately.
Joe isn’t sure but he reminds viewers that next week there is no Mayhem as HOW returns to the states to get ready for the big debut show inside The Best Arena in Chicago. Joe and Benny then say good night as HOW cameras focus in on the unbridled fury in the eyes of the World Champion as the feed cuts backstage one last time…
Cameras hook up backstage, screaming can be heard, fans attention quickly direct to the excitement going on behind closed doors, a camera is flurrying about the halls trying to rush to the scene. Eventually it does, Carey is bursting through doors, mascara has caused a leaked stain on her cheeks, but she doesn’t care, she looks like she’s on a mission. Joe and Benny’s mics are turned back on as everyone is unsure of what is going on but Harris has told the truck to go over the allotted time…
Joe Hoffman: Here we go Benny, I did say I wonder what Carey’s going to do, she wants answers..
Benny Newell: She should have gone to school if she wanted answers, fuck her!
Still running around Carey sets her eyes somewhere, eyes locked and she charges, running to a door and launching her foot straight at it. The door bursts open and there stands Crow, looking rudely interrupted, but Carey’s clearly not in any negotiating or fumbling mood, she wants answers. Crow is sitting on a chair watching Mayhem with his title draped over his leg, but nothing stops Carey as she charges, Crow stands to meet her.
Joe Hoffman: Uh-Oh! ..we better get someone back there!
Benny Newell: Fuck that, kick her ass bird boy!
Carey grabs Crow by his shirt and forces him backwards towards the wall yelling at him..
Bobbinette Carey: WHERE THE Fire TRUCK IS SHE?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER?!
Crow confused, shrinks up his face as if he hadn’t a clue what she’ talking about, Carey goes to yell again when suddenly the TV Crow was watching, being Mayhem live, that static kicks in once again. Carey’s attention quickly swerves away towards the TV, Crow takes advantage grabbing Carey and swings her around, pressing her against the wall, but her eyes don’t come off the TV.
Joe Hoffman: Ok, even I had suspicions it was Crow, what the hell is going on, who is doing this? ..poor Livie!
Benny Newell: Poor Livie? Are you crazy? This is great.. Carey’s weak, CROW KICK HER TO THE FLOOR! KICK HER TO THE FLOOR! ..NOW!
The feed picks up again the dark room, the single bulb floating above Livie’s head lighting up little as much as the obvious. But this time it’s different, still the same dripping in the darkness, still the suffering groan from Livie, but this time a voice appears, also scaring Livie as she jumps, panicking with only the darkness surrounding her. Her eyes search around her, and everyone listens in, especially Carey and Crow who are watching playing tug of war with each others clothing. But the voice that sounds isn’t normal, it’s an altered voice, the typical machine sounding voice criminals usually use in movies distorting anything that takes place.
The Voice: Carey, I’m sure I don’t have to indulge you with the fact I now have the power, the game is about to begin…
Joe Hoffman: Game?
Benny Newell: Wooo, strip poker?
Everyone still waits for the voice to continue.
The Voice: ..Carey ..you fuck with me, and I’ll fuck with her, from now on you do what I want, when I say!
Everyone lies shocked and amazed at the scene.
The Voice: I’ll be in touch!
The chain to the light switch rattles against the glass bulb as the light goes off, the scene goes black and static cuts back in switching the feed back to live Mayhem. Crow and Carey are still tugged together, but Carey loosens up as she lets go of Crow, he lets go of her and she drops to her knees in tears, worrying for her sister. Crow doesn’t quite know how to take it, he backs off, he picks up his title, and leaves the room, leaving a destroyed Carey, upset, emotional, thinking what of it as Mayhem ends.
FADE TO BLACK
Manchester Evening News Arena