Monday Night Mayhem
May 18th, 2009 – #HOW52
The Best Arena, Chicago IL
The HOTv logo gives way to the HOW logo and then to the Mayhem banner as The Bleeding by Five Finger Death Punch, the official theme for War Games, blasts thru The Best Arena’s public address system and Joe Hoffman and Benny Newell welcome everyone to another edition of Monday Night Mayhem.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome everyone to yet another edition of Monday Night Mayhem and what a show we got in store for everyone tonight as we have some great matches lined up and not to mention that the Main Event will feature Best Alliance members and current Stable Champions, Shane Reynolds and Aceldama going head to head thanks to Maximillian Kael’s booking. But before we get to all that let me welcome in the man that is always to my left Big Buff Benny Newell…how you doing Benny?
Benny Newell: For you to put over that Main Event is retarded. I tell you one thing, if Maximillian Kael wins 100% of the company at War Games I give us three months before we close down….there is just no way in hell this guy should be in charge of the match making here in HOW…I mean he booked BOB FREAKING JARED in the LSD Title match at War Games…do I have to say anything else??
Joe Hoffman: That is true Benny, but lets not take anything away from Jared. Here is a man that has defeated former LSD champions Christopher America and Chris Kostoff in the last few weeks and tonight he gets another shot to add another notch in his belt as he takes on David Black who is probably the most underrated wrestler in the company right now.
Benny Newell: You mean over rated? Static has beat that asshole at least 23 times now. I mean why is he even in the LSD Championship match at War Games?
Joe Hoffman: Well I think its safe to say that the LSD Championship match at War Games might be the last shot for the title for a few of the guys in the match so I fully expect that each man, albeit, David Black, Bob Jared, or the HOW Hall of Famer Chris Kostoff, to take full advantage of the opportunity that War Games will provide to them.
Benny Newell: Come on Joe don’t be a fucking idiot. Static will retain the title, go on to be the longest reigning LSD Champion in history and then he will eventually be the man that leads the Best Alliance into a new era of dominance once its his turn in the pack.
Joe Hoffman: Well time will only tell. But what I do know is that I was told before we went on the air that Lee Best is going to allow Guy Static Stephens to come out after our opening match to announce the stipulation for the title match at War Games and folks….that match is set to take place now..
David Black vs. Bob Jared
Tumbleweed by Bobby Cash hits the PA system and Bob Jared makes his way out to a very loud ovation that even takes Bob by surprise as he makes his way down to the ring as Joe runs down how Bob Jared’s HOW career as gone from literal jobber to a man that is in a title match at the biggest PPV of the year.
With Bob Jared now in the middle of the ring waiting for the arrival of David Black, the crowd chants Bob’s name as Joe Hoffman again comments that Bob’s popularity seems to be going nowhere but up as far as the fans are concerned, and Benny comments that HOW fans are losers so naturally they gravitate towards “People” like Bob Jared.
He calls Bob “Opium For The Masses” Joe asks Benny if he got an early start drinking tonight and Benny ignores the question before taking a quick drink from a hip flask and sliding it under his jacket as David Black’s music hits and he comes out from behind the curtain and straight down to the ring wasting no time on the fans.
Sliding into the ring the bell rings and Black goes right for Jared, Jared responds in kind and the two begin to exchange blows in the middle of the ring, to the joy of the crowd Jared get’s the upper hand, with momentum on his side he whips Black into the corner and tries to catch him off guard with a body splash but David Black get’s away in time and Jared finds no one to break his fall put the padding at the top of the turnbuckle.
Black turns Bob Jared around and slaps him in the face drawing an “Ohhh” from the crowd, Jared isn’t known for his spectacular wrestling repertoire but he certainly wasn’t going to take that kind of crap from Black, so he slaps Black right back in the face, and before Black can respond he boots him in the stomach and doubles him over before bringing him crashing down to the mat with a DDT.
As the ref goes for the count Benny says that for Bob Jared that was an impressive sequence of moves that he managed to chain together, and he hopes he didn’t strain himself.
David Black powers out at Dos and Bob Jared rolls to his feet, he approaches Black trying to grab a handful of hair to pull him up but Black catches him with a shot to the stomach, getting up he grabs Jared around the neck and performs a swinging neck breaker, Jared hit’s the mat hard and clutches his neck, as the crowd expresses their concern Black stomps away at Jared’s exposed ribs, when Jared lowers his hands to block Black drops a few boots on his face smiling all the while.
Finally the ref forces Black to back off, shoving the ref out of the way Black advances on Jared but the Tennessee Tumbleweed catches Black off guard and manages to roll him up in a small package pin.
Caught by surprise but not off guard Black kicks out, the two men get to their feet and begin to circle one another, Black grabs Jared but receives a kick for his troubles, Jared floats behind Black and delivers an Axe Handle shot with both hands to the back of Black’s neck, Black stumbles and Jared takes advantage and hit’s the Tumbleweed Twist to the joy of the crowd and goes for the cover.
But no Black manages to get a foot on the ropes, Now annoyed he get’s to his feet, Grabbing Bob Jared he whips him with such force that Bob goes flying right over the top rope and lands in a heap on the outside, The Ref begins the ten count.
Rather than slide out of the ring to retrieve Jared David Black merely leans up against the ropes, stifling a yawn he leans on one hand and closes his eyes, the crowd Boo’s and tries to encourage Jared to get to his feet.
Joe comments that David Black hardly seems to be showing his opponent any respect, Benny merely shrugs and says Jared hasn’t earned any yet, Joe says that’s hardly true that Bob Jared has earned the respect of the fans and several of the Wrestlers in the back, Benny laughs and say’s that Jared obviously hasn’t earned the respect of David Black and when Jared earns the respect of Lee Best then he’ll finally have accomplished something worth achieving in HOW, until then he’s just the role Model for every single dumbass fan who fails at life.
At “7” Jared comes awake and looks around, getting to his feet he manages to slide into the ring before the Ref hits “9” David Black is on him in a heartbeat smothering him with well placed boots to the ribs and face.
Black goes to whip Jared into the ropes but the Tennessee Tumbleweed reverses it and goes for a power clothesline but Black is able to duck under and turns and nails Jared with his Blackout finisher and makes the cover as the crowd begins to boo…
WINNER OF THE MATCH IN 8:35 DAVID BLACK!!
Post match “Undead” hits the PA system and the crowd erupts into a loud chorus of boos as Lee Best and the LSD Champion Guy Static Stephens make their way out!!
LSD Stipulation Announced!!
Lee and Static stop at the top of the entrance ramp and both Jared and the victorious Black remain in the ring as along with the rest of the people in attendance their full undivided attention is towards the God of HOW and his Best Alliance stablemate and LSD Champion Guy Static Stephens.
Lee pats Static on the back as Static pats the LSD Title belt that rests firmly around his waist. As the crowd continues to boo Lee smiles and brings his microphone to his lips as he begins to address the HOW faithful.
Lee Best: Congrats to you Mr. Black on a great hard fought victory of the HOW Redneck, Bob Jared. C’mon let’s hear it for these two warriors…
Lee and Static give the two LSD contenders golf claps as the crowd cheers for them properly.
Lee Best: It is no wonder why Maximillian Fail has put you two in the ring with my LSD Champion Guy Static Stephens. I mean let’s face it you two are the best HOW has to offer right?
Static tries to maintain a straight face as inside the ring both Jared and Black are now leaning on the ropes staring down at the Best Alliance members.
Lee Best: Let’s get serious though as I am trying to make some money here with ratings and I am pretty sure this will be the lowest rated match of the night and I doubt anyone is even watching this right now…
The crowd again begins booing Lee as he continues..
Lee Best: I may not like the LSD Title match that has been booked for War Games but that doesn’t mean I cannot save it. That is why I have decided to go ahead and make the stipulation for the match official….
Lee pauses for effect as Static is staring intently into the ring at two men who will be coming for his title in only a few short weeks.
Lee Best: David Black, HOW Hall of Famer Chris Kostoff, and Bob Fucking Jared will step into a match with my LSD Champion Guy Static Stephens and compete for the LSD Championship in a match that will no doubt put the whole country of France on notice…. A STREET FIGHT ON THE STREETS OF PARIS!!!
The crowd begins buzzing at the shocking announcement as thoughts of Kostoff giving someone the No Remorse off the Eiffel Tower and Bob Jared running thru the Louvre destroying paintings by Monet go thru everyone’s minds.
Lee Best: That’s right folks. High Octane Wrestling is coming to the streets of Paris France and trust me when I say that the Human Wrecking Ball will make sure that not only does he return here to Chicago with the LSD Championship but also he will be returning with your blood on his hands!
Static is smiling ear to ear as Black and Jared look on as the action cuts to the parking lot…
The Right Decision
*Outside the Best Arena, sitting in a car looking at the entrance door sits Aceldama, with Doctor Hackett in the driver’s seat. He turns to look at Aceldama*
Dr Hackett- Are you sure this is what you want?
Aceldama- I am sure.
Dr Hackett- Then I will not stop you, good luck in your match. I will be waiting for you when you come out.
Aceldama- Thank you.
Dr Hackett- Have you taken your medication?
Aceldama- I have yes.
*And with that Aceldama picks up his sports bag from the front of back of the car and steps out, closing it behind him. He walks towards the arena to be greeted by a bouncer, who lets him inside. Walking down the corridor, passing through all the wrestlers on the roster like they were mere ghosts, he goes into the changing room and throws his sports bag onto the bench, the zip slightly opens and his tablets fall out. Not one noticeable mention of broken foil. He has not taken his medication. He puts his head against the locker, letting out a huge sigh, breathing in and out. And without a moment’s hesitation he leaves the locker room and down the corridor towards his destination. He reaches the office of Lee Best just as Lee and Static are making their way back from the big LSD Announcement. Upon seeing Aceldama, Lee motions for Static to leave them alone and the God of HOW and the LSD Champion shake hands before Static walks out of the picture.*
Lee- What do you want Ace, can’t you see I am busy? Can’t it wait?
Aceldama- No, I don’t think this can.
Lee- Then I guess you should come in then.
*Lee opens the door and enters his office and Aceldama closes the door behind him, leaving the cameras in the outside. What he is about to say he does not want the rest of the world to know.*
June 8th the future of High Octane Wrestling will be decided.
War Games Match
Team Best vs. Team Kael
World Title Match
Triple M vs. Crow©
SSE World Title Match
Michael DeNucci vs. King Trip Eisen vs. Trent©
LSD Title Match Street Fight in Paris
Chris Kostoff vs. David Black vs. Bob Jared vs. Static©
Loser Gets Besty and a Dress Match
Silver Cyanide vs. Scottywood©
King Trip Eisen vs. Johnny Stevens
Back live and Johnny Stevens is already in the ring for the next match, ignoring the “You Suck!” chants and shower of boos he’s receiving from the crowd. Joe and Benny discuss how Stevens has been relatively quiet as of late since he was quick to inform us of his storied history with “The Hardcore Artist” Scottywood. Suddenly, the cocky smirk on his face turns to a seething frown as King Trip Eisen’s music hits. Trip explodes from the back to a mixed reaction with Whittingham-Buckshot close behind carrying a colorfully-wrapped medium-sized box with a lid on it.
Benny Newell: Look! Trips bears gifts from the Kingdom of Eisen!
Joe Hoffman: Gee, maybe it’s a one-way ticket to the Kingdom with your name on it…
Benny Newell: Don’t sounds so enthusiastic about that one, Joe.
Trip and his butler do their best to ignore the fans on their way to the ring, strictly focused on the task at hand. Whittingham-Buckshot climbs the ring steps and places the gift in the corner of the ring before holding the ropes open for the King to enter. With a microphone in hand, Trip thankfully obliges and enters through the middle rope. He immediately grabs the gift and approaches the anxious Johnny Stevens in the center of the ring.
King Trip Eisen: Now hold on just a minute there, Johnny… first things first.
Trip hands him the present.
King Trip Eisen: This is for you… Go ahead and open it!
Trip enthusiastically urges Johnny to open the gift while Johnny just stands there confused and unsure. Johnny gives Trip a questionable look before he ultimately decides to untie the bow that holds the gift together and lift open the lid to the box.
King Trip Eisen: You see, Johnny-boy… I felt really bad about coming to this ring tonight only to give you the biggest ass-whooping that the Kingdom of Eisen has ever seen. So I decided I would ease the pain for you a little with a gift that comes straight from the heart…
Trip sarcastically holds his hand to his heart as Johnny opens the gift; a purple Jester’s cap. Johnny’s expression turns spiteful but it’s already too late. Trip drops the microphone and kicks Johnny in the mid-section, causing him to double over and drop the Jester’s cap.
Benny Newell: Johnny Stevens is about to be knighted!
No sooner does Benny finish his sentence than does King Trip Eisen nail his Wrist Clutch Exploder Suplex finisher he calls the Knighthood. Matt Boettcher signals for the bell and Eisen makes it clear he’s not finished with Stevens just yet.
Joe Hoffman: Devastating maneuver from Eisen has Stevens out cold! Oh come on! Just pin the guy will ya?
King Trip Eisen reaches for the Jester’s cap and holds it high for the crowd, who is buzzing for what’s to come next. With Stevens struggling to get up, Eisen adorns his head with the Jester’s cap and helps him to his feet. Stevens’ appearance gets some laughs from the crowd, but not for long as Eisen hoists his opponent onto his shoulder.
Benny Newell: ROYAL DECREE!
The Samoan Driver finisher has the crowd cheering for Eisen and they chant along with Referee Matt Boettcher as he makes the count.
Bryan McVay: The winner of this match by pin fall in 1 minute and 35 seconds… KING TRIP EISEEEEEEEEEN!!!!
Back to his feet, Eisen stands over Johnny Stevens and raises his arms in victory. He looks down and smirks at his fallen opponent who is still wearing the Jester’s cap.
Joe Hoffman: Eisen with an easy victory but in impressive fashion. He literally just proved to the rest of the locker room that he is “King” of High Octane Wrestling.
Benny Newell: I bet the Kingdom of Eisen holds no liquor that is under 100 proof.
Joe Hoffman: Only in your fantasy land…
The action cuts to the backstage…
We open up backstage, where we see Michael DeNucci walking down the hall, preparing to come to the ring for his match against Bobbinette Carey.
Hoffman: Folks, there you see Michael DeNucci, and he looks ready for his match against the Queen B tonight!
Matheson: Like, please! The only true Queen B is Blair Waldorf. This Carey bitch is SO just an imposter to the throne.
Hoffman: Kaley Matheson?! What are you doing on the feed?
Matheson: I like, SO stole a headset backstage.
Hoffman: …okay then. I-
Joe is interrupted by the sound of “With A Heavy Heart (I Regret To Inform You)” by Does It Offend You, Yeah? emanating from DeNucci’s new gold-plated iPhone 3G. Michael takes the phone out of his pocket and answers it.
DeNucci: Talk to me!…yeah man, I saw the news today too. Relax, it’s not fucking happening…bro, RE-FUCKING-LAX. I’ve got Cupo on it, this shit isn’t gonna see the light of day. We’ve got too many fucking secrets to keep to let a little cunt like this spill it all out into the open…I don’t know, it wasn’t my fucking day to watch him! Cupo’s out there, he’s gonna fucking handle it, so chill the fuck out and I’ll call you when I know anything!…oh, and by the way? YOU FUCKING OWE ME.
Michael taps the end call button on his iPhone, rolling his eyes slightly.
DeNucci: Cupo better not fuck this up.
With those words, DeNucci heads for the Gorilla position, his focus seemingly anywhere but on his match.
A Glimpse into insanity
The action returns to the announcers who were all set to call the next match but something else is going on…
Joe Hoffmann- Folks we have received footage of Aceldama preparing backstage for his fight tonight with Shane Reynolds. Let’s just say, it’s quite disturbing. Something doesnt seem right with him.
Big Buff- Yeah, he has totally lost it. This doesn’t make for pleasant viewing.
Joe Hoffmann- That’s right folks this truly is a man who is suffering from some serious mental problems, and its none more evident here.
*The High Octane Vision screen comes to life of footage of Aceldama standing inside a darkened locker room, the camera is peering through the door, trying to stay discreet. It is probably evident that Aceldama had not noticed, he was in a world of his own. He was talking away to himself, as if addressing a crowd, flailing his hands about to add emphasis to every word*
“Tonight you will all stand up and take notice. For too long I was never considered a top contender, mainly an errand boy to the Best Alliance, the person who took out the trash. Tonight I will remain the last man standing…….standing over the man you all consider to be the best in the federation. I have beaten the best, I have beaten hall of famers, sent wrestlers who were in their prime out of action, hell I even put the co-owner in a wheelchair! I mean business. What’s that? Sorry, you need to speak up. What do I think of Christopher America? The man who since his move into team best has lost to Bob Jared and also Bobbinette Carey, a member of the opposition. Nothing obviously, the boy needs to step up, or else be sent packing. You in the back? Jatt Starr you say? Good question, where is he? Weeks before the biggest event in this federation and he is missing, good preparation? I think not. No more questions people, just watch as I eliminate a fellow stable mate in the pursuit to climb to the top……..something, that I have been waiting for. The opportunity, this one moment. It all comes down to this.”
Joe Hoffmann- I think we may be witnessing the downfall of a superstar people. This is not an act, this was not staged, this is real life. Something is seriously wrong.
Big Buff- Most times I would crack a joke right now…..but there is nothing funny about this.
*Aceldama takes his stable title belt and raises it above his head, closing his eyes as if he is listening for something.*
“Ahh the boos. How sweet they ring, like the sound of the starling in the spring air. How it fuels me. Louder, louder…..ohhh yes louder!!”
*The cameraman believes he has seen enough, this is no longer entertaining, this is becoming disturbing, he moves the camera out of the darkened room with Aceldama standing in the middle of the locker room with stable title over his head*
Get your footlong autographed by HOW superstar Bobbinette Carey!!
Bobbinette Queen B Carey vs. Michael DeNucci
We come back from commercial with camera panning the crowd. Everyone in the Best Arena is on their feet roaring in anticipation for the upcoming match. “Mother” by Danzig hits and they immediately begin to boo as Michael DeNucci struts his way out from the back. Michael encourages the heat and even taunts some children and some fans along ringside before he climbs into the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Love him or hate him, Michael DeNucci is becoming one of the fastest rising superstars this company has ever seen!
Benny Newell: Why’s that, Joe? Because he’s barely had any competition since he got here? Even DeNucci could tell you that!
Joe Hoffman: If you don’t think guys like Ryan Faze and Triple M are considered “competition”, then I don’t know what’s wrong with you.
Benny Newell: Triple M’s a tool and Faze was always a gimp and is proving as much by lying somewhere in a hospital right now…
Joe Hoffman: …all thanks to that man standing in the ring. All I know is that if DeNucci wants competition, he’s certainly going to get it here tonight from Bobbinette Carey.
Cue “Circus” by Britney Spears as the “Queen of Epicness” herself poses at the top of the entrance ramp. The crowd is going absolutely bonkers for her as she slaps some hands along ringside and hops on the ring apron. She leans against the ropes and poses which elicits a thunderous explosion of pink pyro from rafters above.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Benny Newell: Lookout!
Just as Bobbinette turns around to enter the ring and face her opponent, she finds that Michael DeNucci is rolling around, grimacing in pain that he’s “been burned!” Referee Joel Hortega kneels down to check on DeNucci who is covering his face and signals to a ring attendant to get the medics. Even Bobbinette is horrified and she quickly comes to DeNucci’s aid.
Joe Hoffman: I’m sorry folks. It appears we may have had an error with the pyrotechnics display. Michael DeNucci is…
Benny Newell: A fucking genius!
Just as Bobbinette kneels down to check on her opponent, Michael DeNucci takes the opportunity to capitalize and throw some form of powder into her eyes!
Joe Hoffman: What the?!? Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize. Michael DeNucci isn’t injured at all! He was faking it to gain the edge before the match! Of all the lowest of the low…
With Bobbinette Carey still blinded, referee Joel Hortega has no choice but to ring the bell for the match to begin. Michael DeNucci seizes the opportunity to absolutely LEVEL Bobbinette Carey with a Clothesline from Hell type lariat. He shouts at Hortega to make the count.
It’s DeNucci’s turn to realize that Bobbinette Carey isn’t going to give up that easy. Still favoring her eyes, Carey is brought to her feet by DeNucci and is given a scoop slam followed up successively with a leg drop across the throat. DeNucci continues his attack and uses both of his legs to choke the Queen B.
Bobbinette’s face turns beet red as she uses all her might to try and slip out of the choke. Finally, she musters up enough energy to squirm her way out and it’s now DeNucci writhing on the mat after a shot to the groin.
Benny Newell: C’mon Hortega! That shit is illegal!
Carey pops to her feet, springboards off the middle rope, and…
…executes a PERFECT moonsault onto Michael DeNucci. The impact was enough to cause Carey to favor her mid-section as well, but nonetheless, she still gets the cover off.
Joe Hoffman: DeNucci kicked out!
Two near-falls in the early going of the match has the crowd on their feet with a “Ca-rey… Ca-rey… Ca-rey!” chant. Bobbinette acknowledges their support with a signal for her Royality Check Handspring Hurricanrana finisher. She sizes up her opponent and as DeNucci comes to his feet, she leaps forward only for DeNucci to catch her mid-Handspring into a devastating Power Bomb!
The impact resounds with a thud throughout the arena and DeNucci scrambles for the cover but Carey BARELY kicks out. DeNucci can’t believe it and realizes that it’s going to take a lot more to keep Carey down. He backs her down into the corner and shoots her into the opposite turnbuckle with an Irish Whip causing Carey to favor her back. DeNucci follows up with a Running Drop Kick to her chest which prompts her to slump into position; seated on the mat against the bottom turnbuckle.
Michael senses that it’s time for his Bicoastal finisher (Coast-to-Coast) and runs to the opposite side of the ring. He quickly leaps up on the top turnbuckle and sizes up Bobbinette, who still appears groggy.
Joe Hoffman: DeNucci’s about to get some air!
He leaps off… but this time, it was Bobbinette’s turn to fake and she moves out of the way eliciting a huge pop from the crowd! After completely whiffing on the Bicoastal attempt, DeNucci is on his knees struggling to get until…
Benny Newell: Bitches’ Bulldog!
Joe Hoffman: Wait… did you just name Carey’s Bulldog the Bitches’ Bulldog?
Benny Newell: Why not? She’s a bitch, ain’t she?
Joe Hoffman: Correction. She’s the QUEEN bitch.
Benny Newell: ::rolls eyes::
Carey and DeNucci are both down now after Bobbinette’s Bulldog and the only question is who will be the first to their feet. Both superstars have given everything they have so far in the match and exhaustion is obviously setting in.
Joe Hoffman: Bobbinette drapes the arm!
Joe Hoffman: I could’ve sworn Carey had it in the bag right there!
Bobbinette and Michael DeNucci begin the slow rise to their feet at the same time, both using the ropes to help them up. Suddenly, Carey with a Super Kick that DeNucci…DUCKS… spins her around…
Benny Newell: Head Kick!
DeNucci’s forceful kick to her temple KO’s Carey and Joel Hortega drops for the cover.
DING! DING! DING!
Bryan McVay: The winner of this match by pin fall in 12 minutes and 11 seconds… MICHAEL DENUUUUUUUUUUUCCI!!!
Post match we see DeNucci smirking as he heads back up the ramp and motions his hands around his waist to signify that the SSE World Title will soon be his.
As the action cuts backstage we get a last glimpse of a still dazed Bobbinette Carey trying to get to her feet.
Instead of cutting backstage however the arena is suddenly alive with the sound of music; namely with the intro to Sin with a Grin by Shinedown. As the intro gives way to the lyrics, Shane Reynolds appears on the stage, with none of the usual pyrotechnics which accompany entrances and the like. The expression on his face one of severe displeasure, something that grows ever more intense as the crowd erupt with boos for the man who sold out to Lee Best and joined his War Games team. Before he even takes a step though, the sound of his music gets out abruptly with the evident sound of a scratch and is instantly replace by the music of Maximillian Kael.
Hoffman: Max Kael not letting up his humiliation of Shane for a second, even in the face of a potential world title shot.
The crowd responds to this sudden change with slight cheers and audible laughter. Shane wonders, as he walks down the ramp how the tide had changed so much. How the fans could have turned their backs on his so dramatically when he had been and still is the victim of some humiliating and occasionally brutal acts at the hands of Maximillian Kael. Shane scowls around at them as he slides into the ring.
Hoffman: Seems that Shane is itching to get something off of his chest here tonight.
Newell: As if I wasn’t bored enough.
Hoffman: You do remember Shane is on Team Best and technically in The Best Alliance?
Benny’s eyes grow wide at this, then picks up a fresh bottle of Jack Daniels and stares at it worryingly for a few moments. Hoffman looks at him as though to say, finally. And then Benny twists off the lid–
Newell: I haven’t drank enough!!
—and starts drinking straight from the bottle.
Hoffman: Yeah. That’s your problem.
Newell: Go Reynolds!
He says, before going back to his bottle. On that cue, Shane does go, having received a microphone from ringside, he raises it to his lips, clears his throat, and gets ready to behind…..though it is neither what Hoffman or Newell had predicted. Something that is clearly obvious as he pulls a few sheets of paper from his pocket and unfolds them with a sigh.
Shane: The world is which we live in is a wonderful and sacred place–
Shane begins, his eyes scanning back and forth along the first page as he reads from it. The crowd silent, wondering what the hell he could be talking about and where this is going.
Shane: —and if you believe the news and Al Gore, it in danger – serious danger – and is in need of help from each and every one of us. But that is not the only thing in existence that is wonderful and sacred. Each and every one of you are.
Shane continues, looking up from the sheet of paper to follow a printed prompt in between the words of the speech. One that instructs him to turn in a circle and point to each and everyone of the audience.
Shane: Human beings are sacred…..and in equally as much danger.
Shane pauses to sigh once more amidst the silence of the watching audience, before continuing ever onwards.
Shane: What dangers? I hear you ask, and that is a good question. The answer, ladies and gentlemen, is many. Depression; drug addiction; domestic violence; cancer. All those things and more besides affect thousands upon thousands of people around the world every day, be it directly and directly. But what can we do about it? I hear you cry next, and that’s what I’m out here to tell you….
Shane pauses now, only briefly, as he turns over to the second page.
Shane: For whatever your problem–
His eyes roll as he reads ahead to the next line before speaking it.
Shane: –For whatever your Kaelment – be it problems with consternation, constipation, premature ejaculation, or cancer. 1-800-Max-Kael is there for you and has the cure for them all.
Hoffman interjects at this point, his own eyes rolling upon hearing cancer being mentioned for the second time:
Hoffman: Somehow I don’t think they can cure cancer.
Shane: Actually you are mistaken, Mr. Hoffman.
Shane says, suddenly turns to him them, not because he heard him, but merely following a prompt and piece of script written on the page.
Shane: We have cured all forms of cancer and have helped a wide variety of people with many other illnesses and problems, as you are about to witness–
Shane scowls furiously as he gets to the next line.
—As I, Shane Reynolds, slave and compete inferior to Maximillian Kael have witnessed.
Shane turns annoyed back, facing towards the HOV screen.
Shane: …Which brings me right the reason I am out here. For tonight, it is both my honour and privilege, to introduce you, the amazing High Octane Wrestling fans…..and the few pieces of scum who support Lee Best….to the debut world premiere of the first ever 1-800-Max-Kael commercial.
Hoffman: You’ve gotta be kidding me!
Newell: I need more Jack!!
Newell shouts, tossing his now empty bottle away, eagerly looking around for a stage hand to bring him another. Meanwhile, in the ring, Shane throws his free hand forward towards the HOV as though issues a cue, speaking loudly as he does, still reading for the paper.
Shane: Take it away, random backstage worker people.
The cue is immediately answered as the lights dim and the HOV comes to life. In the ring, Shane takes what is his own cue to begin the next part of the ‘presentation’, tossing the paper away and cursing himself as he goes, thankful for the cover of darkness from his recent humiliation, as the HOV begins to display various images of turmoil and suffering: scenes of earthquake and hurricane aftermaths, poverty-stricken villages in parts of Africa, scenes of warfare. Moving closer to home now, old people lonely and miserable looking in a grey-hued rooms – completely alone, people standing and mourning at grave-sites, a child being bullied in a school-yard, a man standing atop a building, balancing precariously on the edge and finally homeless people sitting on the streets and in store doorways at night. It is amongst these that Shane Reynolds appears on screen, walking towards the camera. He is scowling until a voice shouts off-camera, clearly Maximillian Kael.
Max: Don’t forget to smile.
Shane forces one upon his face and begins.
Shane: Hello, my name is Shane Reynolds…..and as most of you know, I am a wrestler with High Octane Wrestling…..but what a lot of you don’t know is that I am also—-
The camera angle shifts suddenly from showing Shane at the front to showing him from the side. He turns suddenly towards it, looking ominous and overly serious.
Shane: —a filthy closet Emo!!
The camera shifts once again to the original camera, prompting Shane to turn once more towards. He begins walking again as the camera begins moving away.
‘At least, I was until I discovered 1-800-Max-Kael….The new telephone helpline that is sweeping the nation and is here to help you.
Shane points directly at the camera as he says the last word….and then the scene cuts away, to Shane again, but this time he is walking through a disused and somewhat deserted building. Still, he is walking towards the camera.
Shane: 1-800-Max-Kael not only saved my life, but it changed it. Before I called them, I was on a path of self-destructions. I went to gothic poetry readings—
The scene flashes to a brief image of Shane standing on a stage behind a microphone in front of a crowd of people. ‘My heart,’ he mutters into the microphone, ‘is like a cancerous tumour, black and eating me from within’. It flashes back to the abandoned building where Shane continues to stroll forward.
Shane: —I was sitting all alone in darkened rooms listening to My Chemical Romance.
Another brief cut shows Shane sitting in a darkened room with ‘I’m Not Okay’ blasting out around him as s single tear rolls down his face and he nods his head forward in seeming agreement with the lyrics
Shane: —I was cutting myself pretty much every night.
The third cut shows Shane still sitting in the darkened room, with ‘I’m Not Okay’ still blasting out around him, but now with a shard of glass in his hand and a small puddle of blood beneath him. He turns his face up melodramatically to the sky, opens his eyes wide and parts his lips to scream. Instead of his though, one of a little girl’s which has been dubbed over the top echoes out……..’Daaaaaaaaaadddddddyyyyy!!’
Shane: But, I did call and I got help and now, not only am I cured…..but I am a volunteer. One of the men manning the phones and visiting those in need on a regular basis. Now I am the one helping those that are just like I was.
The fourth and final cutaway scene appears now, with that of Shane talking and delivering the pre-prepared monologue, that of Shane Reynolds clashing with an unknown man on the floor of the very same abandoned building, trying to wrestle away a shard of glass from him.
Shane: But filthy disgusting Emos are not all we help….
The commercial then cuts into a montage, showing a lot the same scenes as before, but now with one significant difference. At the scene of the hurricane and earthquake devastations, Shane is seeing walking around with a box in hand, throwing something unseen to the people. He is seen walking amongst the homeless people, handing not money but a single tic-tac to each.
Next he is at the school-yard, separating the bullies and the victim, crouching down over the latter, he looks into his eyes and places a 1-800-Max-Kael badge on his chest and then lets the bullies get back to work. He appears amongst the crowd looking up at the suicidal man on the rooftop, holding up yet another badge. ‘Don’t do it,’ he shouts. ‘Have a badge’ At which point the man back away from the ledge.
The montage speeds up now – Shane sitting at in a chair in front of alcoholics and drug addicts, offering them a choice between their addictions of choice or a badge. They all take the latter. Shane sat again, this time at hospitals bedside where a coma patient rests – words appear on the screen with an arrow pointing to her: Cancer Sufferer, it says. Shane pins a badge to her hospital gown and she immediately opens her eyes and jumps out of bed – and then it ends completely, returning to the previous image of Shane in the abandoned building.
Shane: And many, many more besides. So, now open twenty-four hours, seven days a week…..Don’t hesitate – we are here—-
Max again interrupts from off-screen.
Max: Dramatic pause…..Dramatic pause……Go.
Shane: –for you!!
Shane says emphatically, and points at the camera again, as the number 1-800-Max-Kael scrolls across the screen repeated. The image of Shane pointing frozen in time for a few seconds……until suddenly Max speaks for the last time—
Max: Damn it, you’re not wearing your badge…..Everyone from the top!!
—and the HOV fades to black. As the lights come up, a lot of people are laughing at what they just witness, whereas some are just silent and in slight disbelief at what they just watched. The former join the latter as all eyes fall upon something put by Shane in the ring during the darkness of the commercial: a cardboard cut out of Maximillian Kael, wearing a smart suit, clearly attempting to look sympathetic with a slightly sideways tilted head and his arms outstretched as though offering any comers a compassionate hug, but still only managing to look creepy and as sinister as hell. Beneath it is the telephone number yet again and a slogan in large, white lettering:
FOR WHATEVER KAELS YOU!!
The silence continues for a few more moments, broken eventually by Joe Hoffman and Benny Newell…..but only to say:
Hoffman: I am, folks, truly lost for words.
Newell: Where the hell is my Jack?!
The show, finally, cuts away….
Who doesnt want a beer after that segment?
Only in America..
Back live and the camera cuts to ringside. Inside the ring, nice red carpeting has been spread over the generic gray canvas. From the camera’s perspective, in the back right corner was a large pulpit, reminiscent of the seat judge’s use when presiding over a courtroom. In the back left corner was a small red, white, and blue steel chair. Positioned between the pulpit and the small chair was a large 52” W Series HDTV from Sony/Bravia.
An American flag is shown flowing in the wind against a clear blue sky. The American national anthem begins to play…
A woman begins to sing: “O say, can you see…”
A record scratch is heard as Fort Minor’s “Remember the Name” plays.
Christopher America comes out. He holds his arms up and touches the tips of his fingers forming an A. As he does, red, white, and blue sparks rain down.
Bryan McVay: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome CHRISTOPHER AMERICAAAAAAAA!
The crowd boos as Christopher America saunters down the ramp with a microphone in hand.. He smirks at the crowd who begins to lay off the boos and start a “JABBER” chant. Christopher drops his smile and forms a frown, letting part of his upper lip curl into a snarl. Christopher climbs the steps and gets onto the ring apron. He looks at his set and is pretty pleased, until he climbs into the ring and looks at the TV.
Christopher: CUT THE MUSIC! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
Christopher motions to the television. With no response, he climbs out of the ring, goes under the ring and pulls out a sledgehammer. He slides back in and swings the sledgehammer into the television, shattering it.
Christopher: I JUST KNEW THOSE FUCKING IDIOTS IN PRODUCTION AND RING SETUP WOULD SCREW THIS UP! GET IT OUT HERE! NOW!
Christopher motions to the entrance ramp. After a few seconds, two men wheel down a large television. Christopher speaks while they replace the other television.
Christopher: This piece of shit is called a SONY. It’s not American. You will notice the American television is made by Vizio and is three inches bigger because that’s how we do things in America. Fuck you SONY.
The ring crew finishes the replacement process.
Christopher: Now, I’d like to welcome everyone to the first edition of Christopher America’s Greatest Americans Talk Show Extravaganza Extraordinnaire in America!
Tonight, my very first guest will be none other than Maximillian Kael, current Prime Minister of Maxapotamia, 50% Co-Owner of HOW, Hall of Famer, former World Champion, my mentor’s mentor, and Shane Reynolds’ owner. So, everyone…
Christopher makes his way to the pulpit and sits down.
Christopher: Please give a round of applause as we welcome our Co-Owner, Max Kael!
Max Kael’s music hits and the audience turns their attention to the entrance ramp. After about 15 seconds, the music cuts out. The audience looks confused as Max Kael does not make his way out. They turn back to America, who places a hand over his ear.
Christopher: Oh, he’s not coming out? He what? Oh, that’s right.
Christopher takes his hand from his ear.
Christopher: Turns out, that in order to be on Christopher America’s Greatest Americans Talk Show Extravaganza Extraordinnaire in America, you actually need to….I don’t know….say….BE AN AMERICAN!
And the American thing to do wasn’t to mess with me – specifically making me an official citizen of the most cowardly country in the entire world.
So, standing in for Maximillian Kael will be none other than…me, Christopher America!
Christopher motions to McVay, who tosses Christopher a roll of toilet paper. Christopher wraps the toilet paper hastily around his face and body.
Max Kamerica: I say old chap, thank you for having me on your show.
Christopher: Max, I want to know what was going through your mind when you decided to make me a citizen of France.
Max Kamerica: I really don’t know what was going through my mind. These bandages on my face not only make it hard to see but they cut off circulation to most parts of my brain.
The crowd gives a mixed reaction. Half want Max Kael to beat Lee but the other half despise Max.
Christopher: I see. I was also wondering where you came up with quite possibly one of the most devastating finishing maneuvers ever: The Speed Bump?
Max Kamerica: Well, after I lost the ICON title to Marvelous Mario Maurako, I fell into a rut. But, I started winning, I outsmarted Shane Reynolds, beat Aceldama, beat Crow, lost to Perfect Paul Paras. The Speed Bump is a constant reminder to everyone that I have had speed bumps in my career – mostly when it really counted, like title matches.
Christopher: Yeah, I mean that must be devastating to lose to someone in less than three minutes. I mean, I lost to Bob Jared, but damn, losing to Triple P in less than three minutes. And you are…a Hall of Famer?
Max Kamerica: Yes! I am a Hall of Famer!
Christopher: What have you done to deserve that?
Max Kamerica: I have a wheelchair!
Christopher: Impressive! What’s with all the bandages?
Max Kamerica: Well, I got demolished by Aceldama and this is what happened. These bandages are to heal my injuries. I also like mummies. And I hope that one day I’ll look like Two-Face from Batman.
Christopher: In your infinite wisdom, what do you plan to do if you manage to win 100% ownership of HOW?
Max Kamerica: I plan to turn it into a wheelchair factory.
Christopher: Fantastic. You know, I have a gift for you, Max.
Max Kamerica: Another gift? Like the great SSE Superscope you gave me?
Christopher: Even better. Turn your attention to the Vizio. I’m going to tune in to the American Broadcasting Channel and show some footage I discovered.
A commercial for Keebler Elf cookies plays.
Max Kamerica (sobbing): Why? Oh why? The horror of those elves and their delicious double fudge filled cookies! Why did they have to kill my parents?
Christopher: I know this must be difficult but I need you to listen: Your parents were like the city of Chicago – stupider than mud that has been fucked by retards.
The crowd boos the insult towards their hometown.
Now, as a side gift, I’m giving you a personal guarantee from the Argonauts of Awesome that John Sektor is no longer going to be allowed to compete under the AoA banner. It’s also a personal guarantee that it appears his shoulder isn’t going to allow him to compete for War Games. If I were you, I’d pick the glory hole in your office as your replacement for Sektor. Even exchange if you ask me. Then, I’d pick the Chicago Bulls as your fourth team member.
The crowd goes wild at the mention of the Bulls.
Christopher: Because at least they can make it deep into the playoffs while the Cubs fail at everything.
The crowd quickly boos and jeers at having been set up.
Christopher: Is there anything else you want to say, Max?
Max Kamerica: Gabahdajabadabadah!
Christopher: Your medication must be wearing off. It’s time for you to get the hell off my show.
Christopher pulls the toilet paper off of him.
Christopher: I’m going to make this plain and simple. I’m not in the War Games main event because I care about Shane Reynolds, Aceldama, Jatt Starr, Mark O’Neal, Bobbinette Carey, or Max Kael. I’m in War Games for myself. I’m on it to get what should’ve been rightfully mine in the first place: a rematch for the LSD Championship and there is no one…AND I MEAN NO ONE… that is going to stop me from getting it. All the losses to Bob Jared, all the citizenship statuses, and all of the screw jobs in the world will not stop me. At War Games, I end this whole thing single handedly…. Once and for all…..IN AMERICA!
Christopher drops the microphone and the crowd boos as the camera cuts to action backstage.
We cut to Brian Bare, who is currently sneaking toward the DeNucci locker room. He pushes open the door a crack , revealing Michael DeNucci, Kaley Matheson, and Lizzy the intern. Michael is clearly frustrated, but it seems to have little to do with his match.
DeNucci: Lizzy, have you heard anything?
Lizzy: Not yet, Mr. DeNucci. I haven’t been able to get a hold of Cupo.
Michael kicks a potted plant over.
DeNucci: One, get Cole to clean that plant up, and two, keep trying Cupo every five minutes.
Matheson: Like, who’s this Cupo guy anyway?
DeNucci: I’ve told you, Kaley, he’s one of my business associates in Chicago. He’s supposed to be doing something very fucking important, but I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO GET A FUCKING HOLD OF HIM!
Bare: Excuse me, Michael?
If looks could kill, Brian Bare would be a smoking spot on the floor.
Bare: I was wondering if I could get an interview on–
DeNucci: One, I have an interviewer, I don’t need you, and two, I’m not doing fucking interviews right now! I’ve got something a little bit more fucking important than Bobbinette fucking Carey going on right now. I don’t fucking care about what happened with Carey tonight.
Bare: You might want to start caring, because–
DeNucci: The fuck did you just say, Bare? DO YOU KNOW WHO I FUCKING AM?! I am a business partner of the God of HOW himself, Lee Fucking Best. You almost got fucking fired even without my input; if I were you, I’d stop telling people what they should and shouldn’t care about, or your Tyrone Biggums-wannabe ass will be out on the streets and Jenny Kneels will be the new head interviewer on TNT and MNM, AM I UNDERSTOOD?!
DeNucci gets up in Bare’s face as he says this, and for a moment, it looks like the crack-loving HOW interviewer is going to get his ass kicked. He’s saved, however, by the sound of the 52″ plasma television across the room, as Lizzy turns on the local Fox affiliate.
Anchor: I’m Jeff Goldblatt. First on Fox tonight, breaking news, as an apparent hit-and-run accident has claimed the life of a former pro wrestling performer. Mindy Smith, once known on the air as the secretary to High Octane Wrestling owner Lee Best, was killed when her Mazda Miata was apparently struck by a Hummer running a red light at the intersection of-
DeNucci shuts off the television, and for a moment, everyone in the room stands still. Finally, DeNucci breaks the silence.
DeNucci: I’m gonna go get some air. Lizzy, if Bare doesn’t leave on his own, find a rock of crack and throw it down the hall, like you’re playing fetch with a dog, that’ll get rid of him.
With that advice to his young intern, DeNucci walks out of the room and down the hall, to a point where he thinks he’s safe from the cameras. While indeed, we can’t see him, we can still hear him, and he dials his iPhone.
DeNucci: Yeah, it’s done. They’re gonna rule it an accident…yeah, look, I delivered what you needed, and I expect you to afford me the privileges such a delivery earns me. Are we clear?…good. See you when I see you.
DeNucci hangs up the phone, and starts back down the hall, passing by Lizzy and Brian along the way. Lizzy has somehow procured a rock of crack, and is holding it up to Brian so he can get the scent.
Lizzy: Ready boy? Fetch the crack! Fetch the crack!
Lizzy winds up and tosses the crack clear down the hall, with Bare chasing after it like an overexcited puppy. Michael smiles ever so slightly, shaking his head before walking back into his locker room, and we cut to commercial.
Max Kael vs. Trent
Back live with “Gama Bomb” by Thrashaholic blaring throughout the arena and the massive SSE World Champion Trent walking down the ramp to a good reaction. As he lumbers his way to the ring, Joe and Benny remind us that he’ll be defending the SSE World title at War Games against former cohorts King Trip Eisen and Michael DeNucci. He meanders his way up the ring steps and steps over the top rope into the ring and raises his arms a la Stone Cold Steve Austin with his middle fingers pointing upwards as the crowd cheers, returning the gesture.
Trent’s music slowly fades out until Dimmu Borgir’s “Puritiania” kicks up, indicating that the newest HOW Hall of Famer is about to appear. No sooner does Max Kael emerge holding a poster for 1-800-MAX-KAEL in the air. As usual, Max takes his good old time to the ring which irritates Benny beyond belief.
Benny Newell: I don’t give a flying fuck if this guy is the co-owner of HOW… he needs to get in the god damn ring already! When is War Games again? Lee needs full control of his company again and pronto…
Joe Hoffman: June 8th to be exact with your coverage LIVE right her on HOTv. And why the rush? Places to be tonight, Benny?
Benny Newell: When don’t I have places to be after a show? Which reminds me… I have to text Rufus back about that half-Asian, half-Indian bitch he’s been pimping out.
Joe Hoffman: Half Asian, half Indian? Is that even possible?
Benny Newell: What are you, new? People of different ethnicities are allowed to have sex, Joe!
Joe Hoffman: You say that as if you’re an expert on the subject.
Benny Newell: I… uh… no comment. But you get my point… Bobbinette Carey is a Black Irish Pollack for Christ’s sake!
By this time, Trent is getting impatient and starts yelling down to Max to “h’rry th’ f’ck up!” in whatever type of jibberish he speaks, while Max ignores him. Max seems more interested in the t-shirt of one of the cameramen at ringside, who’s tag is sticking out of the back of the shirt. Referee Matt Boettcher shrugs at Trent until finally, Trent decides to fetch Max himself.
Trent climbs his way over the top rope with two humungous steps and approaches Max from behind. He gets his attention by pulling his shoulder backwards but Max, by surprise, spits a clear liquid into the face of Trent! Max begins to laugh at Trent who wipes his eyes for a moment but seems unfazed by the liquid.
Joe Hoffman: Was that just…
Benny Newell: Water? I think so! Someone must’ve dropped the ball and given the wrong liquid for Max to use!
Max gives the “no wonder that didn’t taste funny” look before Trent grabs him by the throat and lifts him into the air for a powerful Chokeslam on the outside before this match has even begun. Trent stomps away at the former World Champion before sliding him into the ring and following suit.
Boettcher calls for the bell and this match is officially under way with Trent using a variety of power moves to weaken his opponent. Max catches him by surprise though when Trent lifts him for a standing suplex and it gets countered into an Inside Cradle!
Joe Hoffman: Oh! The Prime Minister almost stole one there from the significantly larger Trent.
Max maintains the advantage with a thumb to the eye and keeps pace with several European Uppercuts. He attempts to whip Trent into the ropes but Trent doesn’t give way and sends Max flying in the opposite direction and over the top rope to the outside! Max lands really hard and takes his time again getting up, indicating to Matt Boettcher that he hurt his elbow. Regardless, Boettcher starts the 10 count for Max who appears to be reaching in his trunks for an unknown object.
Benny Newell: Put it away Max! Now’s now the time for self pleasure!
Boettcher: EIGHT… NINE… T-
Max barely makes the ten count by sliding back into the ring. Trent continues to stomp away at him though and decides to lift him to his feet by his hair. Suddenly, Trent goes down in a heap with a bloodied forehead after Max just struck him.
Joe Hoffman: Wait a second!
Max Kael makes a quick cover on Trent who is blinded by his own blood that is dripping from his forehead. As Boettcher drops to make the count, Kael tosses a rock, smaller in size but heavier in weight, out of the ring.
TRENT KICKS OUT!
Benny Newell: That’s the thing about Max Kael… he’ll do anything, and I mean ANYthing he has to do to win. It’s something that Lee Best is fully aware of, yet has the same exact trait.
Joe Hoffman: A rock, Benny? I could see a pair of brass knuckles or a steel chair or something, but a rock?
Benny Newell: That’s Max for ya’.
After the near fall, Trent becomes fully aware of the blood that’s still gushing from his head and it only seems to enrage the beast inside of him. Max locks Trent’s head for a Jawbreaker but Trent pushes off. Max stops himself as he hits the ropes and leaps up, expecting Trent to have followed suit but as Max turns around, he’s met with a boot to the face! Kael drops like a rag doll from the impact and Trent makes the cover.
KICKOUT BY MAX!
Benny Newell: Hey Joe, you should try calling Max’s 1-800 number.
Joe Hoffman: Why’s that?
Benny Newell: Because I hear he just instituted a special help line for virgins… just for you.
Joe Hoffman: Oh, go Kael yourself…
Benny proceeds to rip Joe a new one for his pathetic play on words but there’s still a match to follow as Trent uses his claws to tangle Max into a pretzel. Trent’s tremendous strength elicits a loud yelp from the co-owner of HOW as Max does his best to notify Boettcher that he reached the ropes and to break the hold.
Boettcher indicates to Trent to release the hold and he does, only for Max to drop to his knees and deliver the lowest of low blows.
Trent collapses to the mat nursing his privates and Max flies off the ropes and connects with his 2’Buck’20 punt to the head. Max covers Trent…
…but Trent gets the shoulder up in time. Max pops back to his feet and begins making his way up the turnbuckle while Trent is getting back to his feet as well. Desperate to end the match, Max flies off the top rope for a splash but Trent catches him in mid air and flies forward with a HUGE Rock Bottom-like maneuver that has both men down!
A bit of whiplash from that impact keeps Max down a bit while Trent is back to his feet signaling for the end much to the delight of the crowd.
Joe Hoffman: This would be a HUGE upset here if the SSE World Champion manages to defeat the co-owner of HOW!
Benny Newell: That’d be TWO losses in a row for Max Kael after getting worked over by Triple P just last week! Things have been turning sour for him after defeating Crow several weeks ago and right at the perfect time too… just in time for War Games. I’m predicting a cake walk for Team Best on the beaches of Normandie.
Joe Hoffman: There is plenty of time left for Max and…
Joe gets cut off as Trent picks Kael up from the mat and across his shoulders for the Torture Rack. He holds him in the submission for a moment until…
Joe Hoffman: TOKE DRIVER!
Bryan McVay: THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH VIA PIN FALL IN 9 MINUTES AND 15 SECONDS…. TRENT!!!!!!!!
The action cuts backstage as the crowd is still buzzing over the SSE World Champion getting a win over Maximillian Kael…
We cut to backstage and we see Frankie the Cameraman, tied to a chair, gagged at the mouth and a single light bulb hanging above his head. Slowly we see Scottywood walk into the light, he has a slightly limp, and he still is favoring his arm. But in his hand he has his barbwire wrapped hockey stick and an extremely serious look on his face.
Scottywood: Oh Frankie…..It’s been 4 days since Turmoil. Four days since I cut myself away from that cancer that is Bobbinette Carey. Now I am on my own, no Best Alliance, no Ascension to back me up or hinder my progress. I am now fighting on my own, for my own. How freeing that feels, knowing that you don’t have anyone to answer to but yourself.
Frankie tries to yell something out at Scottywood, but the gag is doing it’s job and preventing the newly signed HOW superstar from talking.
Scottywood: I will break you Frankie, and by this time on Thursday I will make sure that you are on my side, that you do understand my side of things. If you don’t, well then Mark O’Neil won’t have much to pick at during his match with you.
Frankie again tries to yell something, but all we hear is muffled noises. Scotty smiles as he brings his barbwire hockey stick closer to Frankie’s face and smiles with a evil smirk.
Scottywood: Struggle all you want Frankie, we both know that even if you get out of that chair, you still have to deal with me. There is no way out of this other then the way I will you out. You WILL submit to my ideals, you WILL understand what I am doing and you WILL stand by my side as I take down Lee Best, Max Kael and Bobbinette Carey. You will start by beating Lee’s new golden boy Mark O’Neal. I guess since Jatt Starr has disappeared like a scared little boy after I beat him, that Lee has to find someone else to rely on.
Scottywood takes his hockey stick and smacks it across the face of Frankie, busting him open as we see the blood flow down the face of Frankie. Scotty smiles as he wipes the blood off his face and looks at it on his hands, with a look of satisfaction.
Scottywood: And after you defeat Mark O’Neal, I am going to go after something else that Lee’s stable holds….the LSD title…..Oh you know it Lee. You know that Static is not the right man to hold the LSD title. Yes he may be in your stable, but you know there is a man who is more qualified to hold that belt. Yes, your former right hand man, The Hardcore Artist…..Scottywood.
Scottywood takes the duct tape and rips it off the mouth of Frankie who yells out for help, but Scotty continues to smirk as he knows that no one can hear his cries.
Frankie: You crazy Scotty, Lee is never going to let you into that LSD title match. You have a better chance of winning the lotto.
Scottywood: Oh I know how Lee’s mind works. I think I can make a deal with him that he can’t pass up. Something that will entice his crazy fucked up mind. I will do whatever it takes to get into that LSD title match, and take the LSD title away from his precious Best Alliance and back to wear it belongs, with the greatest LSD champion of all time….The Hardcore Artist.
Frankie: You have firetruckin lost it Sco…..
Scotty places the duct tape back over Frankie’s mouth as he again tries to yell out but we hear nothing but muffled noises.
Scottywood: I’ll give you my offer tomorrow Lee, you can accept it, or decline it in fear that Static can’t survive against the only true LSD champion since HOW reopened. Or I can just wait until Max Kael wins War Games and I can go to him and get an LSD title shot.
Scotty snickers at the thought of Lee Best loosing War Games and loosing all control of his company.
Scottywood: I told you Lee, your not going to get rid of me this easily. I am not going to stop until I am either dead, or until I have regained what you have taken from me. You think Max Kael is your biggest problem….well you are wrong….very, very wrong. Now say goodbye to the people Frankie, we got some playing to finish.
Scotty laughs again as he the camera starts to pull away as Scottywood lands a hard shot to the stomach of Frankie who we can see seize in pain as thee camera cuts to darkness.
Mayhem returns to the backstage area, cutting straight into the office of Maximillian Kael, where is his sitting in his usual chair directly opposite Captain Price and Ms. Giovanni, who are sat in chairs of their own and watching Max intently and baffled respectively, all of them already in mid-conversation.
Max: ….And then I slashed his ankles with a rusty knife and bashed his head in against the concrete.
Max leans back in his chair then, laughing both hysterically and maniacally, only just managing to stop himself from falling out of his chair as he leans too far back in it. As suddenly as the laughter began, it stops. Max leans forward again, looking at both his associates as though waiting for them to stop laughing, even though neither had.
Max: But yeah…..schools are too dangerous a place, these days. Fingers crossed—
Max actually holds up his hand and cross them…..and then coughs for the other two to do they same. They do.
Max: —that the helpline will deal with that. Speaking of which, very well done.
His, and everyone elses, fingers uncrossed, Max begins a mild display of applause, leaving Captain Price and Ms. Giovanni as perplexed as they were moments ago. Max staring right through them…..or more accurately, right over and passed them to Shane Reynolds who just a second ago entered.
Shane: Why are you make me do these things? Branding I understand, having me attacked, I understand? But that…..was just plain ridiculous.
Shane glares furious back beyond Ms. Giovanni and Captain Price, who have know realised his presence and glanced over their own shoulders.
Max: …Because it’s funny.
Max: Don’t look like that, it was. Turn that frown upside down.
Max says, twirling his finger in mid-air.
Max: You did good. So good, that I am actually going to reward you.
Max smirks, putting his hands behind the back of his chair and leaning back again.
Max: I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise. Just keep the May 25th open in your diary; the last show before War Games.
Shane: You better not be planning anything, I swear to God.
Max holds his hands away from his head now, and shrugs.
Max: Would I?
He asks, but continues before Shane can even get a chance to answer.
Max: No run along…..That is all. You’re match is coming up.
Max watches intently now as Shane frowns even more intensely and backs away towards the door. reaching it he turns and goes to exit through the doorway, when Max calls one last time.
Max: And don’t worry…..I have the stretcher and medical team for you on standby.
Shane grits his teeth and clenches his fist……and then just walks on the rest of the way out of the room, cursing once again as he heads down the corridor as Mayhem cuts to commercial.
Is the network in the process of being sold??
Back live and sitting on a wooden bench in the locker room, drenched in perpetual darkness Aceldama sits alone, dressed in his wrestling attire, preparing which to him was the most important match of his career. A win would bring him even closer to the opportunity he had been thriving for since his arrival in High Octane Wrestling, a chance at the world title. His mind wondered, he was not the man he was upon arriving. His split personality has shone through, making his determination more driven. More sadistic. Sitting watching a spider on the floor scurry its way across the floor he slowly stalks it with his boot, raised over it, waiting for the moment. Then with one massive thud he comes down upon it, ending its short life*
“Tonight Shane I will destroy you, just as easily as I done this spider. There is no room in this person for emotions. They were left with the other me.”
*Standing in the doorway Shane Reynolds watches inwards at his opponent for tonight. Aceldama does not know if he heard what he just said. Something inside him feels like he wanted him to hear it. He walks into the darkness. Aceldama does not look up*
Shane- I don’t know why I am doing this, but good luck for tonight.
Aceldama- Good luck? Do you wish all your opponents good luck before your matches?
Shane- This was thrown upon us, but we have to do what we have to do, go on and put a show.
*Aceldama stands up and walks towards Shane Reynolds, the look in his eye somewhat demonic*
Aceldama- We have to do what we have to do? And what would that be? Tonight you are my opponent Shane. Not my ally, not my partner and certainly not my friend. You’re an obstacle, one I must destroy in order to get what I want.
Shane- What has gotten into you? You seem……..different?
Aceldama- I am different you say? Maybe I have finally seen the light. In this business you cannot afford to show emotions, it shows weakness. This is about one thing tonight Shane, a chance at the world title. And if you see it in any other way, if your emotions shroud your memory, then you’re a fool.
Shane- So be it. For tonight, if it only be for one night only we will refrain from being Aceldama and Shane Reynolds, blood brothers. And instead we shall be Aceldama and Shane Reynolds, opponents. I would lie if I said I don’t desire this title shot as much as you, I want this opportunity, and if it means taking out a fellow ally, then that is what it shall have to be.
*Aceldama squares up to his fellow Best Alliance member. The look in his eye is something that Shane has seen in Aceldama before, watching him from the corner when he is fighting his opponents, that look of determination, the look of wanting to administer so much pain possible. He never thought he would be on the receiving end of that look*
Aceldama- Leave this room. Leave your emotions, leave our past behind you. Because if you bring that baggage to the ring, I will destroy you. So much so that you will never see your precious little Michelle again.
Shane- Why you sick son of a bitch…..
*The two go to lock horns when all of a sudden the lights turn on to find a somewhat startled and angered Lee Best standing looking at his two alliance members squaring off to one another.*
Lee- I don’t know what this is about, but leave it for the ring. I will not have two of my war games members at each other’s throats this close to the biggest match in my history in this business.
Aceldama- Now leave me. I don’t speak to opponents before matches.
*And with that Shane turns around and exits the room, quickly followed by Lee.*
Shane- What has gotten into him, it’s as if he is a changed person.
Lee- You don’t know the half of it. I will explain to you later.
Mayhem cuts to a final commercial as up next is Shane Reynolds vs. Aceldama!!
Your future 100% owner!
Shane Reynolds vs. Aceldama
We return from commercial break as Shane Reynolds is being introduced to the ring. The crowd immediately turns to boos as the Main Event includes the two men who shall be on Team Best at War Games to try and win 100% of the company over for Lee Best.
Joe Hoffman: Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the Main Event for Mayhem this evening and if your just joining us let me tell you, it’s been a wild one already but let’s take some time to see how this ME came to be…
A video recap of Aceldama and Shane destroying Bobbinette Carey and forming a bond with her blood thus becoming “the Blood Brothers” is shown followed by a tally of the carnage they have wrought in High Octane Wrestling. Within just a few weeks of forming they claimed the Stable Titles. Aceldama was responsible for putting Isaac Slade out while ran though opponents with frightening tenacity. Then Aceldama making his challenge to take on any competition for 250K.. Then Max Kael’s arrival an acceptance for the match on behalf of Shane Reynolds resulting in this match.
We return to the ring with Shane posing in the center of the ring looking rather glum and unhappy given the hoops Max made him jump through earlier in the night. Next out was the monster Aceldama who was also met with a cluster of boos and jeers from the crowd which he more or less ignored.
Joe Hoffman: Look at that man.. not a feeling bone inside of him.
Benny Newell: That’s not true! He feels hate for Max Kael and his allies.. and Love for Lee Best and the Best Alliance!
Joe Hoffman: I do not think that Aceldama loves anything but causing pain which Lee is a specialist at channeling.
Benny Newell: You say tomato, I say Fuck You too.
Aceldama climbs into the ring and moves too his corner as Joel Hortega checks him for any weapons.
Joe Hoffman: We know you folks at home were looking forward to a Last Man Standing match however, to explain what has occurred, it seemed that Shane Reynolds was.. Late in his payment for the match stipulation and it will not, in fact, be happening unfortunately.
Benny Newell: Oops! Well if Max let him out more often maybe Max could have gotten the match he wanted!
Joe Hoffman: Whatever the reason, the match is standard rules, win by pinfall, count out or submission.
Hortega, satisfied with his search for weapons steps back into the center of the ring and signals for the bell. The crowd comes alive with boos and chants of “FUCK HIM UP” though who it is indicated toward is anyone’s guess. Probably both. Aceldama and Shane approach each other and offer a brief hand shake before circling each other, each looking for the early advantage in this match. Moving forward both men lock up and try to win the advantage over the other however they are both evenly matched and break the lock before circling each other once again as the crowd continues to boo. Finally, after sizing each other up once more they lock up and wrestle for control once again.
Shane manages to force Aceldama to a knee before he slips Aceldama into an Arm Bar, ringing it a few times as Aceldama is put into a control position in the center of the ring. Hortega moves in to check for a submission as Aceldama growls a furious denial at the Mexican referee. Shane continues to torque the arm before Aceldama spins out of it, reversing the arm lock on Shane who scrambles to the ropes where Hortega breaks the hold. Aceldama relents and moves away as Shane shakes his arm out, moving to circle Aceldama again. Both men move into for a lock once again however Aceldama sends a stiff kick into Shane’s gut and begins to hammer away on his back with a series of pummeling fists.
Aceldama sends a series of stiff knees into the side of Shane’s head as he works the man down before he drops into a quick cover, hooking the leg tight. Hortega drops down for the pin..
Shane rolls his shoulder up as Aceldama jumps back up onto his feet, stomping away on his opponent’s downed form. Aceldama hoists Shane up and hits a standing spin buster as he drops down for another pin fall as Hortega obliges once again.
Shane once again does not relent and rolls his shoulder up as Aceldama scrambles back up too his feet, signaling for the Blitzkrieg! He pulls Shane up, who is still stunned from the Spine Buster and hoists him into the Power Bomb position however Shane begins to punch Aceldama into the skull as he stumbles to the side and eventually relents as Shane slides off Aceldama’s shoulders, landing on his feet as he hits a short close line on Aceldama.
Now it was Shane’s turn to put to boots to Aceldama who remains stunned on the mat. Shane moves to the ropes and comes back with a sharp elbow drop to Aceldama’s chest. Shane slides back up too his feet and moves around Aceldama slowly, his calculating nature allow him to slow the match down too his tempo. As Aceldama pulls himself up to his feet on the ropes Shane comes from behind kicking the left leg out from Aceldama who lets out a roar, falling too his back as he holds his leg.
Shane turns his attention to Aceldama’s leg as he stomps away on it while Joe Hoffman mentions how this kind of attack can have lasting effects as the leg is so important for Aceldama’s offense. Shane grabs Aceldama’s leg and dragged him toward the center of the ring here he dropped repeated knees on Aceldama’s knee before locking on an Indian Death Lock on that left leg. Aceldama lets out screams as
Hortega drops down to check on if he is willing to submit.
Aceldama flails wildly as he tries to break himself out of the hold only for Shane to lock the move on harder. Still, Aceldama refused to yield resulting in Shane releasing the hold, dragging his opponent to the ropes. Setting his leg on the ropes Shane uses it as leverage, jumping up and landing on the leg with a thunderous thud. Aceldama roars out in pain again as Shane jumped and landed once again torquing the leg to the side. Aceldama had mind enough to scramble away from the ropes as Hortega intercedes, yelling in Spanish at Shane for using the ropes against Aceldama.
The Blood Brother Shane pushes Hortega out of the way and continues to stalk Aceldama with a devious look in his eye. Shane charges forward once again and kicks Aceldama in the left leg with as his offense seems to focus purely on his opponent’s leg at the moment. Shane dragged Aceldama back to the center of the ring and lifted the leg kicking away at the calf to further take Aceldama off his game.
Shane locks on a Figure Four Leg Lock and falls too his back as once again Aceldama is put into a position where he must give up or find a way out. Aceldama slams his hands on the mat but refuses still to give in as the referee checks him again. Aceldama eventually is forced onto his back as Hortega goes for the pin fall…
Aceldama leans back up breaking the pin fall as Shane continues to pour on the pressure. However Aceldama slowly turns his body to the side as Shane fights to keep the lock from being reversed.
Aceldama reverses the lock and Shane is forced to relent finally, moving back up too his feet to keep up the pressure. He turns and charges at Aceldama who is using the ropes to pull himself up. Aceldama sees Shane coming and drops down lowering the top rope as Shane is sent flying over the top rope and onto the concrete on the outside in a heap as the crowd cheers loudly.
The monster of the Best Alliance stands up with a noticeable limping as he makes his way out of the ring to head after Shane. Shane slowly stumbles up too his feet having landed on his shoulder in an awkward manner, his arm cradling his right shoulder as best he can. Aceldama notices and like a shark with blood goes after the wounded shoulder, slamming his fists into the shoulder blade knocking Shane down to the floor once again as Hortega threatens a count out.
Shane finds himself in a tough spot as Aceldama sends a series of kicks into his opponents shoulder.
Aceldama hoists Shane up and sends him into the steel ring steps with a loud smashing sound, the result
sending the stairs into clattering mess as the fans let out another loud cheer. Aceldama dragged Shane up and rolled him into the ring following as he limped back up too his feet. Aceldama stalked Shane pulling Shane up as he threw him into the ring ropes before hitting a huge shoulder block on Shane knocking him to the mat once again. Hoisting Shane back up too his feet he continues the offensive hitting a standing Big Boot across the jaw of Shane spinning him around and too the ground.
Aceldama drops for the pin..
The lights die in the arena as the words RESURRECTION appear on the stage. The arena goes nuts as Joe Hoffman and Benny Newell begins to wonder what this is all about!
Suddenly a countdown appears on the Screen..
Back in the ring under the glow of the screen we can see Aceldama go to the top rope..
Aceldama jumps off looking to drop an elbow on Shane!
Shane rolls out of the way at the last moment!
Both men are laid out in the center of the ring!
The stage erupts in flames as the which are marked as “Resurrection” by Halford hits the P.A.
GRAYSTONE RISES FROM THE FLAMES!
As the flames on the stage spread they appear as wings behind the former World Champion as Joe Hoffman reminds the fans that it was Shane who put Graystone out originally! Graystone heads to the ring as the flames die down behind him at Benny screams for Graystone not to do anything to piss off Lee Best!
Hortega moves outside of the ring to intercept Graystone only to get struck in the side of the head! Graystone rolls into the ring and glares down at the two men in the ring.. Suddenly he moves to the top rope..
THE CURSE.. ON ACELDAMA!
Benny Newell is speechless as Joe wonders what was Graystone’s motivation in attacking Aceldama and not Shane!? Benny simply screams obscenities at Graystone for attacking a member of the Best Alliance. Graystone drags Shane’s body over Aceldama before he rolls out of the ring grabbing Hortega. He rolls the ref back into the ring and makes his way to the back as the crowd chants “GRAYSTONE!”
Slowly back in the ring Hortega stirs and sees Shane draped over Aceldama… He slowly crawls over..
Aceldama kicks out at the last moment as Hortega signals that it was only a two count. Benny Newell demands to know why it was not a disqualification and Joe merely motions that perhaps Hortega is too confused right now to know for sure what is up.
Shane slowly stumbles back up too his feet having not been aware of anything that just happened having been knocked out by Aceldama earlier. He looks down at Aceldama and shakes his head to free it of the cob webs before he pulls his opponent to his feet.
Aceldama seems lifeless as Shane body slams him near the ropes and slowly makes his way to the top rope…
Shane launches himself off for the DIABLOS INFERNO!
ACELDAMA ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!
Shane lands hard on the mat, once again upsetting his shoulder as Aceldama slowly pulls himself up before he bounces off the ropes hitting a HARD TACKLE TO THE SIDE OF SHANE’s HEAD!
Shane’s leg twitches as Aceldama lies across Shane’s chest, clearly exhausted.. Hortega goes for the pin fall..
WINNER: ACELDAMA VIA PINFALL IN 19 MINUTES AND 21 SECONDS!!!!
As Hortega stumbles out of the ring, “Puritania” hits the P.A. as a smug looking Max Kael wanders out onto the stage with his custom Maxopotamia mic in his hand. The fans cheer as he appears and he holds up his hands for the crowd to quiet down.
Max Kael: First I would like to congratulate Shane and Aceldama on an excellent match tonight! That was every bit as exciting and interesting as I knew it would be and I certainly hope nothing.. truly bad happened too either of you.
He smirked again as the dishonesty in his voice was clear. Back in the ring Shane and Aceldama slowly started to stir as Max offered them both a golf clap as the fans laughed.
Max Kael: However that is NOT why I am out here right now. I am out here because I am SICK AND TIRED Of losing Team Members for my War Games team. But that’s ok.. because as they say.. when you have nothing to work with… You just have to deal with having nothing. And that’s why I, Maximillian Kael, went out.. and Got GRAYSTONE for TEAM MAX KAEL!
The crowd cheers once again as Max struts across the stage soaking it up.
Max Kael: At War Games… you shall see the Phoenix Rise! IMAGINE THAT!
With that Max turn his mic off as the fans cheered once again.
Joe Hoffman: Graystone is part of Team Kael!?
Benny Newell: FUCK THAT!! NOT! FUCK! FUCK!!
As Max heads backstage we cut backstage where Lee Best is seething behind his desk.. as we pan around the room we see where a pen has been forcefully jammed through the monitor he as just watching the match from. It becomes obvious that there is a static image of Graystone sputtering in and out of life on the monitor with the pen having been driven through the images eye as Mayhem ends.
END OF TRANSMISSION
After his hard fought match Aceldama is seen by the High Octane camera crew leaving through a back exit of the Best Arena, still dressed in his wrestling attire, clutching across his chest a sports bag. Looking delirious and lost he walks over to a small white van, Doctor Hackett is standing by the door as he opens it.
The camera crew catch a glimpse of the sign on the side of the van; it reads ‘Chicago Lakeshore Psychiatric Facility’. Doctor Hackett puts his hand on the shoulder of Aceldama who looks at him both confused, and scared.
Aceldama- I am ready
Doctor Hackett- Don’t worry Wolfgang, we are going to help you.
And with that Aceldama makes his way into the back of the van and sits down. The final image the High Octane cameras get before the door is slammed is Aceldama crying into his sports bag, clutching it oh so dearly. He had finally lost it, and now it was time for help. The van sped away into the night.
The Best Arena