Monday Night Mayhem
May 12th, 2008 – #HOW3
United Center Chicago Illinois
The show comes onto the air but not with the usual fireworks and opening riff to “Welcome to the Jungle”. Instead all the focus is on the center of the ring as Joe and Benny welcome the viewing audience to another edition of Monday Night Mayhem live from the United Center here in Chicago.
Lee Best can be seen in the center of the ring holding a microphone and isn’t happy as he runs down all the various things Kirsta Lewis has done to him in the past. The HOTv comes to live and we get a visual on what Lee was talking about, but only one that is shown garners a huge response from the crowd.
Footage of Kirsta Lewis conspiring with another federation owner to shut Lee Best down is shown.
As the video ends both Joe and Benny talk about what a huge impact that Kirsta Lewis has had on Lee Best and obviously it has gotten to Lee fully.
Lee then talks about the first Mayhem where at the end of the show Lee was left in a pool of his own piss while his number two man, who is still stuck in New Jersey courtesy of the NJPD, laid unconscious in the center of the ring.
It was then that Lee finally cut to the chase and announced that tonight not only would the Main Event be about putting the bitches of HOW in their places but it would be about something larger…something that Lee would make fully known after Maximillian Kael and the LSD Champion Chris Jacobs emerged victorious.
The crowd booed loudly as Lee continued to go into a rant about the “bitches” and that later tonight only the BEST would be standing after all was said and done.
Immediately Joe questioned if that implied what everyone was thinking was true..the Best Alliance was reforming. Benny only took a shot and said he was sworn to secrecy, which Joe took as Benny had no clue.
Lee finally closed stating that after tonight people would be put in their places and everyone would know where they stood in the pecking order. With that said Lee motioned to the back and the crowd popped loudly as veteran referee Matt Boettcher made his way out and Lee signaled for the first match to get under way.
Joe and Benny walked the viewers thru the highlight of Matt being attacked by Rohan Malhotra last week, which resulted in Rohan being fined $5k, and some of the fans actually cheered the footage.
Joe could only shake his head at the HOW fans as we are ready for our first match of the night.
Loser Leaves HOW Match
Fear vs. Jason Sandman
Both men came out to no entrance music as Lee made it known that they didn’t deserve any as they were in yet another Loser Leaves HOW Match. Benny notes that this is becoming a weekly occurrence and that it is the best way for Lee to keep the roster on their toes while Joe argued that it wasn’t good for business.
Either way the match started with the crowd really trying to get behind Fear who is a former LSD champion but the quick offense by Jason Sandman quickly quieted them. Joe and Benny talked about how Jason has been worked over hard by Team Epic who seems to have gotten the upper hand on Jason each week.
Maybe it’s the frustration from those beat downs but whatever it is Jason is on fire and in a matter of moments nails Fear with a high impact DDT and gets a three count from Matt Boettcher.
Winner of the Match in 3:13 Jason Sandman
Post match both Joe and Benny make a note stating how Jason seemed surprise to even get the win that quickly. Speculation among the announcers turns towards the future of Fear, a one time great, who is now without a job. Fear is slowly getting to his feet while Jason is smiling until suddenly the lights in the arena fade to darkness as a reddish smoke begins to spew from the entrance ramp.
Benny quickly grabs his Jack Daniels body as he and everyone else already knows that something bad is about to happen to whenever the lights go out in a wrestling arena.
Slowly, ArcAngel walks out onto the stage with a mixed crowd reaction. He begins to walk down to the ring with a look of determination on his face. There is a red gas can in one hand and a set of black bags are slung over his shoulder. Both men stand in the ring unsure what to do. ArcAngel drops the bags and the gas can onto the apron and makes his way in through the ropes. Fear stands his ground in utter defiance as Jason Sandman rolls out under the bottom rope and begins searching for a weapon. ArcAngel and Fear go toe to toe until ArcAngel gains the upper hand. ArcAngel grabs Fear and hits him with a Hanging Halo knocking the big man out cold.
Jason Sandman slides back in with a folded steel chair while ArcAngel grabs one of the black bags. Sandman connects with a slapping chair shot across the broad back of ArcAngel. ArcAngel spins and throws the bag towards Sandman’s face. ArcAngel follows up with a boot to the gut of Sandman as the bag falls to the floor. The chair clatters on the canvas and ArcAngel lifts Sandman up with the reverse choke slam known as Redemption. He brings Sandman down face first onto the steel chair. ArcAngel grabs the bag and lays it out. He grabs the other bag and stretches it out near Fear. He unzips the two body bags and takes turns stuffing the two individuals into their own separate bags. He pulls them to the center of the ring and stacks the body bags like a makeshift cross. ArcAngel grabs the gas can and begins spilling it onto both of the body bags.
At this point Joe is screaming for security to do something while Benny is just ignoring the proceedings while drinking his own “fire”. Clearly Benny is bored with the antics of Team Epic.
Back in the ring and satisfied with his work, ArcAngel turns and exits the ring. He stops on the steel steps and pulls out a box of matches. Striking one against the ring post, he waits for the flame to ignite. The crowd roars as ArcAngel tosses the match into the ring lighting the two body bags on fire.
The crowd stands to their feet in awe as HOW crew members rush inside the ring with fire extinguishers in hand. They immediately put the fire out on Jason Sandman while they totally ignore Fear.
Joe wonders what the heck is going on while Benny motions towards the HOTv where Lee Best can be seen filing his nails.
As if he just now notices what is going on Lee jerks his head up towards the camera and motions for the crew to go ahead and put the fire out on Fear who undoubtedly already has third degree burns.
The HOTv goes black again as Joe criticizes the owner of HOW for his malice towards a former Champion of his. Benny notes that this was a Loser Leaves HOW match and Fear got off lucky, he could have gotten a Bottom Line!
Joe sends Mayhem to a commercial as a shocked crowd looks on a very smoky ring.
Back from commercial the United Center is still buzzing from what just went down in the opening match. The HOW ring crew has cleared the ring and only a few burnt spots are noticeable. Joe informs the viewers at home that once they have an update on both Sandman they will disclose that information, however they are not allowed to talk about Fear at all, per instructions from Lee Best.
The crowd is just sitting down when the HOTv comes to life as we cut to a live feed backstage..
The camera in the back comes to life in the backstage loading area where a black limousine pulls over at the entrance. The driver’s door opens and a uniformed chauffer steps out. He walks to the back passenger door and opens it, curtsying slightly as he holds the door open. The camera moves in to focus on the passenger stepping out of the vehicle. The passenger is then revealed to be Adam Vincent. A few distant boos can be heard from the audience as he comes up on the arena screen. The chauffer closes the passenger and walks back to the front of the limousine after Adam waves him off.
As Adam Vincent proceeds to make his way backstage, he is suddenly interrupted by HOW interviewer, Blaire Moise.
Blaire Moise: “Excuse me Adam, could you possibly spare some time for a couple of pre-match questions?”
Adam raises his sunglasses and greets her with a smile.
Adam Vincent: “Wow, you cut straight to the chase don’t you? Well, since there’s a little while before I’m due to entertain the world; I might as well entertain you first. It’s not my style to refuse a beautiful young lady. So go ahead…”
Blaire appears to remain composed despite Adam’s not-too-subtle advances. She raises a microphone and begins to speak.
Blaire Moise: “Thank you Adam. I’d just to start by asking, what are your current thoughts on your upcoming match with Johnny Lexicon?”
Adam Vincent raises an eyebrow and shrugs casually in response to the question. Cheers can be heard from the show’s live audience as Johnny Lexicon’s name is mentioned.
Adam Vincent: “My match with Johnny Lexicon? What can I say? I feel ready, I feel confident and I feel that on top of being able to take on the likes of Johnny Lexicon; I’ll be showing the fans and the world something truly great. I don’t know what’s gotten into Lee Best but he should be putting this match on the main event as with every other match I’m in because what you’re seeing before you is talent and star quality. You feel me on this?”
Blaire nods in understanding at Adam’s statement as he pauses briefly before continuing to speak.
Adam Vincent: “I mean, Johnny Lexicon; not really that bad of a wrestler to be honest and a shade above some of the more mediocre in the somewhat sorry excuse of a roster. What else can I say about him? You’ve all seen him wrestler so I’m assuming that the rest of you can make up your own mind about him. Then again, you got a name like Johnny Lexicon; I’d expect a walking dictionary. Or maybe one of those B-grade actor-types who do instructional videos….”
Adam’s expression changes to that of a mock-acting smile and his stance resembling a farcical impersonation of a presenter.
Adam Vincent: “Hi, I’m Johnny Lexicon and I’ll be expanding your lexicons by giving you my new word of the day: “Sacrifice”. You see kids, in the real world; for every success-story, there’s always a sacrifice. Not every dream comes true and some dreams have to be sacrificed for another to succeed. In fact, I’ll be literally demonstrating that lexical concept when Adam Vincent beats the living daylights out of me on his road to superstardom.”
Adam chuckles and clear boos can be heard from the audience arena. Blaire Moise remains as composed and consistent in her demeanor which is the mark of a professional.
Blaire Moise: “Anything else you would like to add or say before preparing for your match?”
Adam nods and turns to smile at the camera as if to address the audience directly.
Adam Vincent: “In all seriousness, tonight is all about seeing and believing. I can say anything, this gorgeous young lady here can say what she likes and even Johnny-freakin’-Thesaurus can say what he likes but at the end of the day; it’s what you see that will affect your beliefs. Tonight all of you will see and regardless of what you see; at least you’ll know for certain what to believe…”
Adam Vincent winks at Blaire Moise as he sidesteps her and steps off-screen. The camera swivels to catch him walking through an entrance to the backstage area as the action cuts to a commercial before our next match.
Adam Vincent vs. Johnny Lexicon
Joe goes over the credentials of both men stating that each have made a very positive impression with the HOW staff with their recent inring performance. Benny can only call both men jobbers and he doesn’t understand what all the fuss about. As Carl Hortega signals for the bell Joe mentions that Lexicons contract expires on May 19th, next weeks Mayhem, and that this match could go a long way in him securing a long term deal.
As the bell rings both men stare each other down but its Vincent who pauses to pose for the fans and that gets a large section of the crowd booing. Benny states that any reaction is a good reaction and he’s already starting to like this cocky newcomer.
Lexicon doesn’t appreciate the lack of respect and quickly knocks Vincent down to the ground and both men begin a lengthy back and forth battle as each man tries to gain the upper hand in the match.
Several times each man nails a big move and goes for the cover only to get a “Dos” count from Hortega. Finally it is Vincent who gains the upper hand with a wicked Snapshot that takes Fear out of his shoes almost but can only get a 2 count for the self proclaimed new bad boy of HOW. Joe notes how that super kick finisher can come out of no where and Benny adds that it was executed twice as good as any other person he has seen do it. Joe isn’t too sure about that but agrees to disagree as the match continues.
Vincent continues to dominate for several minutes and when he goes to finish the match with his Casting Call finisher but Lexicon moves out of the way and it is now Johnny who gets to his feet first and begins to take control of the match.
The crowd is clearly behind Lexicon now as he works Vincent from pillar to post. Several near falls follow as Lexicon tries to finish the match. Joe mentions that right now there is no real loser as both men are really putting it out there. Benny counters with there is no such thing as a moral victory just as Lexicon catches Vincent going for another Snapshot and ducks under and nails Vincent with his Pattern Perfect powerbomb variance and gets the “Tres” count from Hortega.
Winner of the match in 16:42 Johnny Lexicon
Post match shows Lexicon quickly rolling out of the ring as a very shocked and frustrated Adam Vincent watches Lexicon walk to the back as Joe and Benny speculate if that’s the last time we will see these two lock up as both men put on quite a show and it was a shame to see a loser come out of the match. Joe wonders out loud if Vincent’s cocky nature cost him a match here tonight while Benny ignores Joe and kicks the action to commercial as he makes a plug for Bud Light.
Back from commercial the HOTv comes to life and we see a video hyping the June 8th PPV, Refueled. The HOW World Title is focused on and several wrestlers are shown with a graphic asking if these men and women are worthy of the most prestigious prize in the company. The video ends with a image of ticking clock in the background.
Action cuts back to Joe and Benny who debate on what the ticking clock meant. They are still arguing as the entrances for the next match begin.
William Diamond vs. Chris Kostoff
As each man makes their way out to the ring Joe goes over what brought about this match up. He tells the viewers of how unique last weeks Loser Leaves HOW match was as both Kostoff and Diamond got pinfall victories at the same time. Benny notes that Lee is always looking for a little Kostoff bashing and putting Kostoff against a rookie instead of in the Main Event is Lee’s way of doing it.
Time for talk is over though as Matt Boettcher signals for the bell and we are off and running.
Match starts out with Kostoff gaining the early advantage. Joe notes the fire has returned with Kostoff and it is clearly showing itself as Kostoff dominates early on with several high impact power moves along with his usual stiff right hands.
The crowd is clearly behind Kostoff as the HOW Hall of Famer continues to work the HOW rookie over on the outside, even at one point smashing Diamonds head off a chair a fan was holding up on the outside.
Benny calls for a DQ but the veteran Boettcher allows the match to continue as Kostoff rolls a now bloody Diamond back into the ring. But it is there where Diamond gains the advantage as he nails a desperation drop kick on Kostoff as he was entering the ring. As both men are down and Boettcher starts the 10 count the crowd begins chanting Kostoff’s name as Benny urges Diamond to his feet while the fans and Joe root for Kostoff to get to his feet.
Kostoff is first to his feet after a 6 count and rolls back into the ring as Diamond gets to his feet on the 9 count. Kostoff charges Diamond but Diamond unleashed ducked under and nails Kostoff with a desperation spear. The crowd boos as a bloody but very cocky Diamond makes the cover and gets a near fall victory as Kostoff barely gets his should off the canvas.
A bloody Diamond then picks up Kostoff and begins to work over the HOW legend. Benny again talks about how Diamond is showing that he belongs here in HOW and is loving the ass kicking he is giving Kostoff.
To back up Benny’s claims, Diamond executes a perfect shining wizard which results in another near fall for Diamond. From there WD begins to work on the upper body of Kostoff with several submission holds. From a STF to a triangle choke, WD does them all but time and time again Kostoff does not give in and Diamonds lets go of the holds in frustration.
The finish came as a desperate Diamond scaled the top rope and went for his Massive Frog Splash finisher but the wily Kostoff caught him and brought him down to the canvas hard with his No Remorse powerbomb. Kostoff collapses on WD as Boettcher makes the 1,2,3 much to the delight of Joe and the rest of the United Center crowd.
Winner of the match in 12:57 Chris Kostoff
Post match we see Benny taking more shots as he cannot believe Kostoff stole the victory. Inside the ring Kostoff helps WD up to his feet and the crowd cheers loudly as Kostoff pats the rookie on the back and starts to leave only to be grabbed by WD who proceeds to kick Kostoff right in the balls and as Kostoff writhes in pain on the canvas a bloody WD climbs the turnbuckle and nails the HOW Hall of Famer with his Showtime finisher(A 450 Splash turned into frog splash).
Joe states he has just lost all respect for the rookie but Benny stands and gives the bloody loser a standing ovation as we cut to action going on in the back.
The scene opens up in a locker room where Graystone is standing holding the ICON belt beside Brian Bare. His forehead has a large Band-Aid overtop of it.
Brian Bare: Ladies and Gentleman, I would like to welcome my special guest at this time, the current ICON Champion of High Octane Wrestling: Graystone.
A small pop can be heard from the crowd in the distance.
Brian Bare: Graystone, tonight you will be teaming up with the man you beat for that title last week, Nijs Landzaat. You two will be facing The Masked Marvel and The Philadelphia Murder Machine. Everyone has been wondering, how are you and Nijs Landzaat going to co-exist here tonight?
Graystone: Well, Brian, first of all I would like to thank all of the HOW fans that believed in me and knew that I could beat Landzaat and become the first ever Refueled High Octane Wrestling ICON Champion. Second of all, I would like to take this time to thank Brock Blackheart and his Girlfriend Victoria for all of the support that they’ve shown me over this past week. Now, to answer your question. When I go out there tonight, I’m going out there as your ICON Champion and I’m going out there to win my match tonight for all of the people that support me. For all the fans that believe in me. There isn’t anything that Landzaat or his handler can do to stop me, and if they try… I will do everything in my power to stop them.
Brian Bare: How do you plan on stopping that monster?
Graystone: I have one thing that Nijs Landzaat doesn’t have, and that’s the ICON Championship. If he wants it, he can have it… but not around his waist. Upside his head.
Brian Bare: Well, there you have it. ICON Champion Graystone speaking candidly here tonight. We can’t wait for this match till then its back to you Joe and Benny.
Before Joe and Benny can speak the HOTv comes alive…
A video package plays on the HOTV screen, with an “earlier today…” graphic showing along the bottom. The video fades in to see High Octane Wrestling’s resident Queen B; Bobbinette Carey, arriving at the airport. With Princess under her arm, she heads up to the counter and hands over her tickets. The attendant at the desks begins to process her arrival, but hesitates and frowns, before typing away at her computer.
Bobbinette Carey: What’s the uber issue?
The attendant doesn’t answer and frantically types away at her keyboard. Suddenly she stops and looks up at Bobbinette.
Attendant: I’m afraid your tickets are not valid, madam.
Bobbinette looks confused and angered as she is handed back her tickets.
Bobbinette Carey: What?! Don’t you know who I am? I am the uberly epic Queen of Epicness Bobbinette Carey! I am the Queen B and I have got a very important match tonight! And my jet is having issues which is grounded. So why don’t you just do your thing on the computer and fix it!
Attendant: I’m very sorry, madam, but your tickets appear to have been cancelled and the flight is now fully-booked. I’m afraid you’re going to have to catch a later flight.
Bobbinette Carey: What?! I can’t catch a later flight, or I’ll be late for the show! You fix this or I can and will have your job if you don’t get me on the flight I’m supposed to be on!
Attendant: I’m very sorry; there is nothing I can do. We can book you on the next flight out to Chicago if you want, but there is no way you are going to get on this flight. I’m sorry.
Bobbinette Carey is angry and almost speechless as the video fades out and we return to Big Buff Benny Newell and Joe Hoffman at ringside.
Benny and Joe speculate on who canceled the flight for Carey and will she even be here tonight for the Main Event as we head to a commercial.
Back from commercial the camera has gone into the medic’s room as Jason Sandman sits on the table with badges wrapped around his chest. The medic is checking out the burns on his shoulders and head. As Jason Sandman sees the camera man filming, he pushes the medic out of the way and pointing for the camera man to come towards him.
Jason: Hell fire and body bags, all in a days work for a man known as the Arc Angel, but a day ends and the night soon reigns down on us all. I don’t know if HOW is ready for the night to come, but with the flames entering my soul I don’t know if Team Epic has given me much of a choice.
Jason jumps off the table leaving the medic without finishing his check out. As Jason gets down to his locker room he turns around and faces the camera again.
Jason: If anyone else was attacked the way I was this week, they probably wouldn’t want to show their faces again, but then they wouldn’t give the satisfaction of knowing what true glory is all about. Arc, Bobbie this may come as a surprise to you, actually this may only be a surprise to Arc as Bobbie knows better than anyone that once I am given the warning that I should just walk away then only one thing follows. REVENGE and the revenge with be bloody, brutal, and executed without a single fucking hint of remorse.
Jason is about to make his way into his locker room, but turns around and faces the camera one more time.
Jason: Next week I am going to bring someone with me, and once we have made our presence felt a new age of punishment will begin. Deal with it bitches.
Jason unwraps his ribs and throws the cloth at the camera man before walking into his locker room as the action cuts back to Joe and Benny who are ready for the next match.
Hour ONE Main Event
Winner gets a LSD Title shot at Refueled
Lexx vs. ArcAngel vs. Rohan Malhotra
As Lexx, the first man out, makes his way down to the ring the HOTv comes to life and we see Chris Jacobs sitting in a chair in front of a camera with the LSD Championship Belt draped over his shoulder. Jacobs doesn’t say a word as the other challengers make their way down to the ring as Joe goes over how important this match is going to be. The winner gets a title shot with Jacobs on June 8th at the first HOW PPV, Refueled.
Rohan, the last man out, refuses to enter the ring as he sees none other than Matt Boettcher inside the ring. Joe quickly goes over the fine Rohan received for his attack on Boettcher last week. Without saying a word Rohan turns his back on the match and walks to the back as Boettcher can only shrug and signals for the bell as the crowd is booing loudly as the match has already gotten off to a weird start.
Joe can only wonder how Rohan could just throw away a shot at HOW gold just cause of a supposed racism of Lee Best and the HOW staff. Benny steers Joe away from the racial talk as he points out to Lexx and Joe can only nod to the reference of The Legends and their now infamous last racist run in HOW.
Boettcher finally signals for the bell and it’s not long before ArcAngel is dominating the unbeaten Lexx.
Joe does point out that Angel seems to be distracted as if he is waiting for Jason Sandman, the man he attempted to burn alive earlier in the show, to appear. Benny claims that ArcAngel should be arrested on the spot and this match should not even be going on. Joe mentions that is probably due to ArcAngel doing the dirty work for Lee in regards to Fear without ArcAngel even knowing he was.
Benny only raises a shot in the air as agreement as ArcAngel, obviously wanting to get the match over as quick as possible, nails Lexx with Lexx’s own finisher, The Show Stopper, a sit down powerbomb from the top rope.
It is at this point that Jacobs can be seen on the HOTv standing up and glaring at ArcAngel as Boettcher counts out the 1..2..3.
Winner of the match in 3:11 ArcAngel
Joe reminds the audience that ArcAngel is now going on to Refueled to face Chris Jacobs for the LSD Championship. They crowd is in shock still over the dominance of ArcAngel and Benny again states that this pyromaniac should be behind bars right now.
Inside the ring ArcAngel stands up and points to Jacobs and signals that the LSD Championship will soon be his.
Suddenly ArcAngel is turned around and the crowd gasps as Rohan Malhotra locks in his Beat Choker type move he calls Suppression.
ArcAngel, being caught off guard, can only squeal in pain as Rohan screams out in a blood thirsty manner as HOW officials rush into the ring.
A replay plays on the HOTv and we see Rohan made his way down thru the crowd as ArcAngel finished off Lexx.
Back live, Benny wonders aloud why HOW officials were so quick to enter the ring for a simple head vice but let ArcAngel set to HUMANS on fire earlier in the show. Before Joe can answer Mayhem goes to a commercial as HOW officials escort Rohan back to the back as ArcAngel lays in the middle of the ring holding his head in pain.
Back from commercial the scene opens up backstage with HOW interviewer Brian bare standing next to an HOW monitor. Fans cheer for the new face as Brian speaks.
Brian Bare: Thank you every one, I am Brian Bare.
Benny Newell and Hoffman can be heard.
Benny Newell: Who is this numnut?
Joe Hoffman: Be quiet! He is new around here.
Brian Bare: The whole wrestling world is talking about the interference of Darkwing in the match last week between Kirsta Lewis and Max Kael. Let’s recap what happened.
Scene fades into Lee and Max beating down Kirsta. Suddenly, ‘My Ruin’ by Sevendust hits, and Darkwing runs down. Kael gets the fuck out of Dodge as Darkwing slides in. Scene then fades to Darkwing having Lee trapped while Kirsta struggles to get to her feet behind him. Darkwing suddenly turns, and lifts Kirsta into a Fireman’s carry, then spins her off similar to the F-5, but into an Eye Of The Hurricane, the NIGHTFALL. Kael crawls in, hits a soft kick to the gut and hooks the leg, getting the three count.
Scene fades back to Brian. Fans can be heard chanting ‘DARKWING SUCKS!!!!’
Brian Bare: As you guess, my guest at this time, is HOW Hall OF Famer, Darkwing.
Darkwing steps on camera, wearing a white muscle shirt with a referee striped forearm pad on his right forearm.
Brian Bare: Thank you Darkwing, for joining us. Let me get right to it….can you explain your actions last week by attacking Kirsta Lewis instead of your longtime rival, Lee Best?
Darkwing: Its quite simple Brian Bare, I don’t like her. She tried to destroy my legacy as the greatest HOW star of all time. She tried to stop my rise to infamy by helping shut down HOW. But I don’t forgive something like that, and to top it off, I promised that I would show up to the United Center and make an IMPACT, and prove why I am the MAIN EVENT in HOW. I achieved all my goals; I upstaged the ‘Hellcat’, crushing her easily and costing her the match against Kael.
Brian Bare(sweating now): But what about Lee Best?
Darkwing: What about him? This is about me. This is about me taking back what is mine and that is my spot as the most feared opponent in HOW, a man no one wants to face. Kirsta Lewis, tonight, I am the LAW. If you step out of line, it won’t be the long arm of the law, but the size 15 wide width foot of the LAW cracking you in the jaw with one of my well placed patented Guiiotine Kicks.
Brian Bare: So you have no intentions on calling this match down the middle? What about your thoughts on Bobbinette Carey?
Darkwing: Bobbinette Carey, a woman so UBERLY delusional and so UBERLY out of place in the Main event? Princess Carey, the only thing EPIC around here are two things, my ability in that ring, and how stretched out your asshole is after the poundings you have received. I hear her cookies are mediocre too. (mimicking Carey) But its so uberly true, if you like, you know, so uberly try anything on the Chocolate Tank, he will like, so uber bulldoze you like he did Kirsta last week. Darkwing SO vibes! So uberly fantastic! I rock! Vibe my EPICNESS!
(Cena-like reaction from the fans at this)
Darkwing makes a face and rolls his eyes.
Darkwing: Back to real English, Carey, know your place. You are in the main event because I allow it. Next week you will be back to fighting over the LSD title, a fitting lower card spot for you. I plan on calling this match in the interest of one man…ME. And if your little fuckbuddy ArcAngel comes down and tries anything, he will be destroyed with the snap of my fingers because he and I both know that he is nowhere close to my league. ArcAngel, Princess Carey, hear this……you can’t stop a moving train…..and you can’t stop the Trans Darkwing Express.
Brian Bare: What are your thoughts on not wrestling an official HOW match yet?
Darkwing: I plan to change that very soon. You see, I am laying a challenge down RIGHT NOW!
Brian Bare: What!!!? To who?
Darkwing: I want a MAIN EVENT HOW HALL OF FAMERS MATCH!!!!! NEXT WEEK RIGHT HERE ON MAYHEM!!!!
Brian Bare: But that means!!!
Darkwing: Wipe the sweat from your brow Brian bare! That’s right! CHRIS KOSTOFF!!!! Face me next week! We will have a real Hall Of Fame match and I will use you as an example to why I am the REAL DEAL, why I am the MAIN EVENT!
Darkwing: Chris Kostoff, be very sure…..as sure as I am the most Charismatic Man in Wrestling, as sure….as Jatt Starr RIGHT NOW is in a 15 dollar a night hotel getting a blow job from Rupaul, and AS SURE as Brian Bare looks like a cross between Chris Masters and Ted Danson…..be very sure Chris that next week, I will remain undefeated against you, and show you power, destruction…….and Nightfall.
Brian and everyone in the arena knows what’s coming next…..
Darkwing: CAUSE THE DARKONE!!!!!!!………..HAS spoken.
(More Cena-like reaction from the crowd)
Darkwing glances at Brian before leaving off camera.
The action cuts back to Joe and Benny as Benny wonders out loud Darkwing vs. Kostoff?
Joe agrees that it seems unusual with Darkwing backing Lee but again this is HOW. Joe steers the commentary right into the next match up as he highlights how Nijs Landzaat just narrowly lost the ICON Championship to Graystone last week only to be taken out by the big man after the match.
The HOTv shows a replay of the finish and fades out as a bloody ICON Champion is shadowed by Nijs to end Mayhem last week. The crowd actually cheers for the footage as the entrances for this big tag match begin.
Tag Team Match
The Masked Marvel and The Philadelphia Murder Machine vs. Nijs Landzaat and Graystone
The crowd pops HUGE for The Masked Marvel as he makes his way out. Benny states he has no idea how this idiot has a following but TMM does for some reason. Next to come out is his tag team partner, The Philadelphia Murder Machine, who is greeted with a few boos.
TMM and PMM keep their distance from each other as Nijs Landzaat and Daniel Singh make their way out. Singh looks more focused than any of the wrestlers as they make their way to the ring.
Finally the ICON Champion Graystone makes his way down to the ring and his eyes are staring a hole thru Nijs.
Joe walks the viewers again thru the last few weeks that have shown Graystone to be on the top of his game.
Carl Hortega signals for the bell and we are under way as PMM and Nijs Landzaat start off the match with both TMM and Graystone in their respective corners, albeit not looking to fond to be there.
Nijs gains the upper hand and quite quickly as powers PMM back to his corner where Graystone tags himself in which results in a stare down between Graystone and Nijs before PMM takes advantage and nails Graystone with a right hand. From there it is all PMM as the ex MMA fighter took the match to the canvas and began to ground and pound the ICON Champion.
Joe wondered aloud if a man of virtue like The Masked Marvel could team with a cursing non stop kind of guy like PMM. His question was soon answered as PMM and TMM began to tag each other in with fast paced moves and tag team maneuvers. On the other side it was Nijs who every time Graystone makes it to the corner to make a tag, Nijs would ignore the ICON Champion and occasionally jump down from the canvas and watch as PMM and TMM continued to work over the champion.
The crowd has grown restless with Nijs as Graystone finally gained an upper hand on PMM and staggered to his corner only to see Nijs pull his hand back. At this point Graystone nailed Landzaat with a powerful right hand and the two teammates began to brawl on the outside as Daniel Singh cheered on his man.
Hortega gets to a ocho count before Graystone Irish whips Nijs hard into the ring steps and rolls into the ring to break up the count only to be greeted with a stiff right hand from TMM who is now the legal man.
TMM begins to work over the ICON Champion with several highly technical moves and Joe makes sure to point out to the viewers that this is the Masked Marvels super hero power….his inring technical prowess. Benny almost chokes on his shot as he hears this.
But back in the ring TMM is showing it all as he locks in a perfect abdominal stretch but Graystone counters after some time with a hip toss and dives to tag in Nijs but the big man is still on the outside being attended to by Singh. Graystone pounds the canvas in frustration and rolls out and grabs his ICON title. He rushes at Nijs and swings but Daniel Singh is the one that gets nailed as he stands in front of Nijs.
Benny begins to laugh heartily as everyone stares at the now knocked out handler of Landzaat. It is at this point that Graystone drops his ICON belt and rolls into the ring as Landzaat jumps on the apron to give chase. Graystone tags himself out just as Landzaat picks up the ICON Champion and tosses him hard to the outside.
Joe mentions its now TMM and Nijs who are the legal men now, and Landzaat is unaware of it as he yells down at the man who knocked out his manager.
TMM takes the advantage and nails Nijs with a reverse DDT and quickly locks on his Marvel Lock finisher.
Benny notes that this move was made famous by the Great Muta and no man could ever escape it unless the size disparity was there and it is there right now.
Benny is right as TMM, as technical sound as he is, cannot hold the hold on the much larger Landzaat. Nijs finally powers out of the hold and reaches the bottom rope as TMM makes the quick tag to PMM just as Graystone blindly tags himself in by reaching thru the bottom rope. Carl Hortega catches this tag but PMM does not.
PMM picks up Landzaat and positions him for his Bloody Murder finisher but Graystone leaps into the ring and drop kicks PMM in the gut forcing the fighter to drop Landzaat down to the ground and Graystone follows up with a devastating reverse DDT and covers and gets the “tres” count just before TMM can make the save.
Winners of the match in 11:23 Nijs Landzaat and Graystone
Post match we see Graystone heading up the ramp with his ICON Title raised high in the air as Landzaat looks after his fallen keeper while TMM looks on disgusted at PMM.
Action cuts to another REFUELED advert as we go to commercial
We return from commercial break to find Max Kael sitting on some boxes with a picture of Kirsta Lewis taped to a near by wall, a picture of Chris Jacobs leaning up against a box and a picture of Bobbinette Carey sitting on the floor looking up at Max.
Max Kael: Iiiiiiiiii’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts, dumdeedumdeedee, here they are a standing in a row!
He jumped up on the box pointing an accusing finger at the picture of Kirsta Lewis.
Max Kael: Ugly ones!
He jumped off the boxes onto the picture of Bobbinette Carey, squatting down to eye it carefully.
Max Kael: Dumb ones!
He stood up and picked the picture of Chris Jacobs off the near by crate looking directly at it.
Max Kael: Some that make me take meds..
Crumpling up the picture Max took a seat on the boxes again running his hands through his wild hair.
Max Kael: Oui what a problem, what a problem. The two girls are going to come at us like blood dripping zombies hell bend on hurting me. Chris respects Lewis to much to help me out and Bobbinette is going to probably have her walking muscle enhancement advertisement chewing down calcium supplements down by the ring.. Where does that leave poor old Max?
He looked back down at the picture of Bobbinette Carey which now had two large foot prints on it from his shoes.
Max Kael: SCREWED THAT’S WHAT! I’m screeewed. That’s not how I like to be. Its “uber unfair” is what it is. It just plain sucks, Queen B Epic. Yeah.. You just sit down there and look prissy and look special and be all smirking. I’d be smirking too if I had 400 pounds of muscle following me around with .2 ounces of brains. Lucky Bobbinette, having a pet monkey to do your heavy lifting..
He slowly walked across the boxes to eye Kirsta’s picture with a sour expression on his face.
Max Kael: And you little Ms. Master Mind of Maliciousness. The saying that you should never trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die rings truer then silver bells with someone like you. Sappho must be so proud of you. Your beady little yes.. Your precious little tea times.. Your happy little parties.. Oh you are so special.. With your fire and your gasoline.. And your weapons and your little attack plan.. Yeah.. Yeah..
He tried to jump off the boxes again and tripped falling back into them tumbling to the ground as he was covered in the avalanche of backstage equipment, wires and boxes. He gave out a yelp and quickly scrambled back up to his feet, freeing himself from the wires and junk that was on top of him giving the camera a half glance in hopes that no one saw what happened.
Max Kael: Uh.. Yeah. That didn’t happen. I going to.. Oh who the hell am I kidding.
He hung his head and punched the picture of Kirsta on the cement wall and paused for a moment as his fist made a solid thunk noise.. He paused.. Slowly pulled his hand back and walked off screen before there was an ear piercing wail of pain.
Action cuts back to Joe and Benny as they go over all the happenings over the last two weeks leading to this big tag team match. Benny is overly excited as he just knows that this is going to be all about Max and Jacobs ridding HOW of the bitches Carey and Lewis.
Joe counters with the reasoning that both Carey and Lewis are on hot streaks and if not for Lee Best both might be considered the top two wrestlers in the company, this comment brings laughter from Benny as there is no way two women could carry any wrestling company…unless it was called Women’s Erotic Wrestling. Joe can only shake his head as we head to the main event.
Darkwing special guest referee
Maximillian Kael and Chris Jacobs vs. Bobbinette Carey and Kirsta Lewis
Darkwing makes his way down to the ring wearing the traditional referee outfit. The crowd boos loudly while some still cheer the HOW Hall of Famer. Joe calls him a traitor while Benny says it is about time the Duck came to his senses.
Darkwing stretches in the ring as suddenly “Back in Black” hits the PA system and Lee Best leads out Maximillian Kael and the LSD Champion Chris Jacobs. The crowd boos loudly as the three men make their way down to the ring and upon entering all shake hands with Darkwing who gladly returns all three of the mens hearty handshakes.
Joe comments on how blatant this mismatch is going to be with Lee on the outside and Darkwing as the ref.
To make Joe’s point even clearer Lee motions towards the men and at the same time Max and Jacobs take off their HOW T-shirts and proudly show off the brand new Best Alliance T-Shirts.
Benny stands up and removes his polo shirt, which is covered with various liquids, to show that he too is wearing the new Best Alliance shirt. Joe calls him pathetic as the crowd agrees with the amount of booing they cast towards the Best Alliance members. Joe wonders aloud if Darkwing has one on but Benny assures him that this match will be called right down the middle regardless.
The crowd then erupts into cheers as Kirsta Lewis, Bobbinette Carey and fellow Team Epic member ArcAngel make their way down to the ring.
Joe comments on the busy night for ArcAngel while Benny again pleads for the arrest of the man that set former LSD Champion Fear and Jason Sandman on fire to start the show.
Seeing ArcAngel making his way down with the women, Lee grabs a mic and orders ArcAngel to be banned from ringside. ArcAngel puts up a fight as does Kirsta and Carey but Lee stands his ground and threatens to press charges if ArcAngel doesn’t leave ringside immediately. After the threads Carey and Lewis reluctantly tell ArcAngel to head to the back and he does so to avoid any police involvement.
Joe comments on how obvious it is that Lee is setting the deck against the women and as Darkwing signals for the bell, Lee has a big smile on his face on the outside as Lewis and Jacobs start the match.
The crowd is red hot as the LSD Champion is smirking at Kirsta Lewis. Joe notes that there is a lot of respect between these two HOW superstars but tonight they find themselves on different lines of the battlefield and Benny quickly points out that if Jacobs were to help out Kirsta tonight it would be career suicide.
Jacobs doesn’t appear to be favoring Kirsta at all however as both wrestlers tie up and Jacobs overpowers the Hellcat and begins his offence. Jacobs uses some basic power moves to keep the advantage on Kirsta but Lee continues to yell at Jacobs from the outside telling him to quit playing around and finish her. Jacobs looks hesitant however and tags in Max before Lee loses his head.
Joe mentions he can already sense the new BA isn’t as strong as any of the old incarnations of the stable. Benny calls that nonsense and points to the middle of the ring where Max is dominating Kirsta as he has her in the proverbial tree of woe where he proceeds to nail her with his Organ Grinder(ghetto stomp) trademark move.
The crowd is booing loudly as Max poses and Lee claps loudly. Jacobs however looks a little disturbed at the move and asks Max to be tagged in. Max however listens to Lee and covers where Darkwing makes a quick count but Kirsta is still able to kick out just in time.
Joe begins to clamor about the fast count of Darkwing and Benny tells him to quit acting like Rohan and just focus on the match.
Max follows up his near fall with several high impact moves, showing no remorse towards the female he is wrestling. Carey is on the outside trying to will Kirsta to make the tag but there is no tag to be made as Max has cut the ring in half and tags in Jacobs.
The LSD champion enters the fray and because of laziness while picking up Kirsta off the canvas he is sent down himself as Kirsta nails Jacobs with a stiff right hand followed by her finisher Hells Bitch Kick. The crowd goes apeshit as Kirsta drags herself over and makes the cover on Jacobs.
Darkwing however takes his time to get in position and only counts out a two count before Jacobs powers up. Lee claps and points at Darkwing to show his approval while the United Center is in a complete uproar over what is going on.
Kirsta rolls on her back and flips off Darkwing before she begins the long crawl back towards her corner where Carey is desperately waiting. Jacobs is still out but Darkwing begins dragging Jacobs to his corner.
The crowd is red-hot as the race to the corners occurs. Darkwing, having to drag a knocked out man, loses the race and Lewis makes the tag and charges Darkwing and Jacobs and takes out both men just before Max can reach out and tag himself in.
Carey is a ball of fire as she works Jacobs over in the ring as Darkwing rolls back into the ring to DQ Carey but Lee signals for him to allow the match to continue.
Benny notes that this is because there is no way that two women can beat two Best Alliance members.
Joe states that Benny just jinxed himself and everyone at home knows that Kirsta and Carey are going to win now.
Lee is definitely getting antsy as Carey gets near fall after near fall on Jacobs. Darkwing’s continued slow counts keep the match alive and the frustration by Carey and Lewis is starting to show.
Benny says if the women were smart they would just leave as there is just no way in hell that Lee Best is going to allow this match to be a winning one for the bitches of HOW. Joe reluctantly agrees.
Kirsta, the fog cleared, tags back in only to see Darkwing has finally succeeded in getting Jacobs close enough for Max to tag in.
The crowd remains on their feet as Max and Kirsta go at it once again. There is a flurry of back and forth action and Max only gains the upper hand after Lee pulls down the top rope after an Irish whip by Max, and thus sends Kirsta crashing hard to the floor below.
Lee holds his hands up as if he didn’t do anything as Darkwing begins a quick count out count.
Darkwing gets to 9 before Kirsta rolls herself back in. As she rolls herself in Max continues the offense and gets several near falls before he tags Jacobs back in who is eager to prove himself.
Lee looks on as his LSD Champion begins to work over Kirsta Lewis but again he gets lazy and allows Kirsta to make a tag to Carey and the two former LSD Champions go at it.
Joe gives big props to the Chicago crowd as they are still on their feet, even as Darkwing grabs a hold of Carey to keep her from nailing Jacobs with a right hand.
Carey gets into the face of Darkwing and pretty soon it’s an all out melee as Kirsta and Max enter the fray and we have an all out brawl on our hands.
On the outside Lee goes to grab a chair when suddenly the lights flicker.
Benny questions whether or not people actually ever have another way of making a surprise appearance.
Max Kael, Chris Jacob, Darkwing and Bobbinet Carey standing along side Kirsta Lewis all stop in the tracks as they are not sure what is going on. The crowd are all talking and pointing fingers at a dark figure when the lights go out.
When they finally come back on the dark figure is there in the middle of the ring, facing both Carey and Lewis. He removes the hood as it is revealed to be none other then Michael Norcia.
Kirsta gives Carey a look that tells her another one of Lee Best Lackies has now joined the already outnumbered stand off in the ring.
All of a sudden Megan comes out running down to ringside and jumps into the ring standing alongside Kirsta and Bobbinette.
Joe quickly points out that Megan is a long time friend and stablemate of Kirsta’s.
Michael is shouting words to Kirsta and she shouts them right back at him. The men start to surround Kirsta when Megan slips out of the ring and grabs a steel chair, yelling out to Kirsta as she throws it towards her. Kirsta missies it and it is grabbed by Norcia, who smiles at Kirsta.
At this point Lee, still on the outside unsure of what to do, waits to see what Norcia will do.
Raising the chair high, and has he is bringing it down across the head of Kirsta Lewis, when suddenly he turns around and nails Max Kael with the chair, laying him out. The fans go nuts as Norcia smiles and then levels Jacobs and Darkwing too.
Kirsta walks up to Norcia and raises his hand and they both look at each other and give a nod. removing their shirts to reveal Illuminati Shirts.
On the outside Lee is going crazy and Benny is wondering who got the merchandising deal for all these new shirts that everyone is sporting.
Kirsta walks over to the side of the ring and asks for a microphone. She catches it in mid air as its being tossed. She raises the mic to her mouth much to the chagrin of Lee Best who is still pacing with a chair in his hands on the outside.
Kirsta: I told all of you jack asses that Kirsta Lewis had some surprises in store for Mayhem. I told you all that I didn’t stand alone in my battle with Lee Best. I told you, That plans were in the works. What you didn’t realize is that the most dominate faction The Illuminati was right here the whole time. We have taken the Illuminati into 3 different federations and we have dominated. We are a force to be reckoned with and now we bring our Domination to HOW. Best Alliance you guys who stand with Lee Best are about to see destruction, Your destruction should you continue to follow the low life back stabbing bitch .
We are that recurring dream or a virus that won’t go away. HOW just witnessed the most dominate teaming ever in Michael Norcia and Kirsta Lewis and together we will make sure the screw jobs and cheating stops right here. Lee Best. you would do well to watch your back and I wouldn’t be traveling the dark halls alone because, As of right now you are a marked man.
Lee makes his way around the ring as the crowd continues to cheer the new stable.
Joe and Benny want to know what is the official outcome of the match and their questions are answered as Carey walks over and covers Chris Jacobs while Kirsta Lewis raises the hand of Darkwing and drops it three times while the crowd counts along.
Winners of the match in 23:47 Kirsta Lewis and Bobbinette Carey
Post match we see a very frustrated Lee Best walking backwards up the ramp as Mayhem comes to a close with Bobbinette Carey, Kirsta Lewis and Michael Norcia still inside the ring standing over the Best Alliance members.
The show ends with Joe asking what will Lee Best do now that there are TWO Stables, Team Epic and The Illuminati, going after his Best Alliance.
The question goes unanswered as we fade to black with a final image of the three victorious HOW Superstars in the ring.