Mayhem: January 12th, 2009 (2009)

Weekly Show | 120 Min

Show Transcript

Monday Night Mayhem
Monday; January 12
th, 2009 – #HOW32
The Best Arena; Chicago, Illinois

Pre Mayhem…Mayhem?

The HOTv logo fades out and the new 2009 Mayhem graphic is shown as Monday Night Mayhem comes on the air and instead of cutting directly inside The Best Arena a video begins to play…

The video opens up as we see new HOW superstar Blaze walking up to a locker room holding a long box in his hands. The box is cardboard and black, and appears to have a bit of weight to it. Blaze knocks on the door and waits for the man inside to answer. The door opens and Damien Sinn stands there looking none too pleased that his opponent for tonight is standing on the other side of the door. Jaxson gives Damien the box and Damien hesitates a moment before taking it.

“Open it up. I thought I’d get you a little gift, you know, kinda like a welcome present or something. Since we’re both new blood around here, I just wanted to show ya that there’s no hard feelings and all and that we gotta watch out for each other here. There’s some damn sharks out there and us being guppies and all, we gotta watch our ranks.”

Damien seems to somewhat agree. He pulls the lid off of the box and pushes the white tissue paper aside to reveal a small little league sized wooden bat. Damien picks it up in one hand and looks at the bat while he drops the box behind him.

“You see homie, that’s the right size and weight. You can whip that sucker around and take out a few teeth if anybody tries to creep up on ya. It’s real handy and packs more punch than a flap jack. Shit’s hard as nails too… it’s made out of Canadian maple.”

Damien looks more and more at ease as he inspects the bat further admiring it.

“Yeah lemme show ya something real quick.”

Blaze reaches out for the bat and borrows it for a second or two showing Damien how smooth and quickly he can swing the bat.

“Get out here and show me your shit… I know you think you can do better than me… so get your cracker ass out here and show me how it’s done!”

Damien smirks as he walks out of the locker room and into the hallway towards Blaze. Blaze holds the bat out in one hand with the handle facing Damien. As Damien goes to grab the handle, Blaze flips his grip and smacks Damien in the chin with the barrel of the bat.

“See how quick you can to that shit?”

Damien looks a little shocked that Blaze just tapped him with the bat.

“Don’t get all pissy… I’m just playin around.”

Damien looks a little annoyed but reaches for the bat again and this time Blaze wallops him across the side of the head with the bat. Blaze but-ends Damien in the stomach and then brings the bat down across the back of his neck. Damien drops to all fours.

“Neat little weapon isn’t it Damien. Lightning quick in the right hands and good for bustin up fools. I heard you were talkin shit about me off camera and that you didn’t have the balls to say much in front of a camera. So since you wanna act like a little bitch and all, I thought I’d come and treat you like one.”

Blaze steps over Damien’s back and applies a seated camel clutch using the ball bat for added leverage across the throat. Blaze maintains the hold until Damien goes limp and no longer struggles. Blaze kicks Damien over so that he is lying on his back. Jaxson “Blaze” Baxter pulls a bottle of baby powder out of his pocket on the leg of his pants. He begins to shake the powder out of the container and on to his right hand. With the palm of his right hand covered, Jaxson leans over Damien.

“Au Revoir bitch tits.”

Blaze winds up and slaps Damien right across the face with a loud smack. Jaxson wipes the remaining powder off of his hand onto Damien’s shirt. The camera focuses in on Damien’s face as a distinctive white handprint can be seen overtop the reddening flesh underneath as the scene fades out and we are now taken live inside the arena.

Intro to TBI

The feed is now live inside The Best Arena as Joe Hoffman and Big Buff Benny Newell welcome the viewing audience to another edition of Monday night Mayhem.

Joe Hoffman: Welcome everyone to another Monday here in the land of High Octane. I am Joe Hoffman and as always I am joined by the self proclaimed Indy Legend Big Buff Benny Newell.

The cameras pan over to Newell’s face and we see a face of a man that appears to have lost his dog, his wife and his ability to get an erection all in the same week.

Joe Hoffman: Why the sad face Benny? Could it be that because of the new alcohol and drug testing here in HOW that you are unable to drink anymore while we are on the air?

Benny Newell: Fuck off.

Joe cannot help but smile as he continues with the introduction of the show.

Joe Hoffman: Well Benny might not be the only one that is sad as we just witnessed in that video that kicked off the show.  That went down earlier tonight and we have since learned that Damien Sinn will not be able to compete tonight and because of that fact Chris Kostoff has taken it upon himself to make his first big decision as representative of the Investors and has replaced Damien Sinn with HOW rookie Phenomenal Ryan Faze, which will mean Faze will be pulling double duty as he will open and close the show tonight as he is in the main event with HOW World Champion Graystone!

Benny Newell: Best Alliance member and World Champion Graystone. Who really gives a flying fuck about Faze getting a free pass into the Best Invitational. Tonight is all about Graystone watching these morons scrap and crawl just to face him at the March to Glory PPV.

Joe Hoffman: Well what you said is partly true. Tonight is the first matches in the Invitational but I hardly figure any of these men and women to be morons. In fact it is going to take someone competing at their ultimate best so in the end they will be facing the world champ at the March to Glory PPV which also will be the first PPV held here inside the Best Arena.

Benny Newell: Blah Blah Blah. Tonight is not about the Invitational. Tonight is not about Faze pulling a double shift on his first HOW show…tonight is not even about Graystone….tonight is all about the return of Jatt Starr to the Best Alliance!!

Joe Hoffman: I cannot hide the fact that I am really looking forward to finally seeing Jatt inside the HOW ring again but I will not believe it until I see it to be quite honest with you and as much as I would like to go back and forth with you about why Jatt Starr returning is the worst thing for the Best Alliance…it’s time for the Best Invitational to get underway!!

The feed cuts away from the announcers just as it appeared that Benny was ready to argue with Joe. Everyone in the Arena turns their attention to the huge HOTv screen that is above the entrance ramp just as it comes alive.

The video shows a huge gold trophy with the words 1st Annual Best Invitational Winner engraved on the bottom of it with several layers of gold and diamonds encrusted into it. At the top of the trophy is a figure that resembles Lee Best in all his glory….holding a bottom line pen.

The video then cuts to the rules of the Invitational….

A wrestler gets three points for a win no matter how they get the win.

A wrestler is deducted one point for losing a match.

A wrestler is deducted five points for missing a match.

The four group winners will then meet in a pair of semifinal matches with the winners of those moving on to face off in the final and the right to face the World Champion at the March to Glory PPV.

As the rules fade out the names of all the participants and the groups they are in are shown on the HOTv and there are some loud cheers for the mentions of all the HOW Hall of Famers that the groups are named after, Jatt Starr receiving the loudest ovation as the crowd is eager to finally see him make his return later tonight.

The video ends with a final look at the Best Invitational Trophy as it spins faster and faster until it explodes and the face of Lee Best appears on the screen and the crowd boos loudly as the HOTv then goes black.

Joe Hoffman: Well there ya go folks the 1st annual Best Invitational is ready to begin and our first match is next!!

Ryan Faze vs. Blaze
Singles Match

The fans in the arena stand as one as the soft tribal-like intro to Breaking Benjamin’s “Phase” blares across the loudspeaker as the entrance-way fills with smoke. 

Red strobe lights scan TBA as electric guitars join in on the melody.  The crowd waits in anticipation, and just before the guitars get heavy…


Three loud shots of red and silver pyro explode from both sides of the entrance ramp.

“Phenomenal” Ryan Faze jumps out from the back and pauses at the top to a favorable reaction from the crowd.  He slowly makes his way to the ring slapping the hands of fans along the way.

The light is dead in your eye

So I’ll keep livin’ my life

I only wanted to try

To find my way back inside

My imitation of life

My litigation of life

It’s something easy to find

Inside the shade of your eye

Faze stops short of the ring and tosses the towel draped over his head into the sixth or seventh row.  He slides into the ring and hops on the far turnbuckle to pose for the crowd.

Out of the ground I rise to grace

Nobody knows it’s just a phase

Help me I’m out of breath again

Nobody knows somewhere to make it go away

Faze crosses his arms in the form of an ‘X’ and looks towards the sky.


The word “Phenomenal” flashes across the screen as the music drowns out and Faze pumps himself up for the match as Joe and Benny go back and forth about how Faze will do in his double debut here tonight.

As they continue to go back and forth Fireman by Lil Wayne begins to blast thru The Best Arena’s PA system as Jaxson “Blaze” Baxter makes his way out from the back.

Joe gives a quick rundown of Blaze’s appearance on the local Score radio station and how it turned ugly near the end and Benny counters that is what will happen when you send a Team Epic member to do a Best Alliance’s job.

Joe can only shake his head as Mike Shea signals for the bell and the first match of the Best Invitational is underway.

Jaxson and Ryan lock up and it is Faze who gets the upper hand early by locking in a headlock on Blaze and following it up with a push off the ropes right into a beautiful spinning wheel kick that sends Blaze to the outside where he is quickly in defense mode.

That changes over as Faze, maybe in desperation to prove himself quickly to the HOW fans, goes for a flying cross body from the top, but crashes and burns as Blaze moves quickly out of the way.

Blaze rolls Faze quickly into the ring for the first near fall of the Best Invitational and Benny notes that Faze was almost down a point before his career in HOW ever really started.

Over the next several minutes Blaze is able to maintain his advantage as every time Faze is close to getting the upper hand he is met with a counter of his own counter.

The crowd is clearly behind Faze however in the match up and Joe notes that this is awkward considering that Jaxson is a member of the premiere face group in High Octane Wrestling-Team Epic.

Jaxson, sensing the crowd is turning on him, begins to taunt the Chicago crowd and that is his downfall as Faze nails him with his unprettier move he likes to call the Fazeplant.

Faze makes the cover and Shea makes the count..





Kickout by Jaxson but he is clearly dazed as the Phenomenal one is now on the offense and over the next several minutes it is the new crowd favorite who gets near fall after near fall as he executes a perfect Oklahoma roll, a breathtaking bridge into a pin and then gets a two and three quarters count with a crowd pleasing tilt a whirl springboard DDT.

The crowd oohs and aahs with each near fall but the finish of the match leaves even the Chicago fans shocked as Ryan goes for his 450 splash finisher form the top called the Faze-50 but Blaze is able to roll out of the way and quickly rolls up Faze as Shea makes the count….








Post match Joe puts over the effort of Faze but notes that Blaze was just too much and maybe the short notice of the match up was the downfall of Faze.

Inside the ring Faze stands up to hear the crowd cheering for his effort as Blaze heads to the back not even caring what the fans think as he just got an all important first win towards his March to Glory!

Action then cuts backstage as Faze acknowledges the fans.

The First Test…

The camera cuts to backstage as we see a pair of doors open up, Damien Ryan walks into the backstage area his gear back strapped over his shoulder.

Big Buff Benny Newell: Alright! Damien Ryan is in the building!

Joe Hoffman: He’s got one hell of a match to get prepared for.

Suddenly the camera turns quickly to the right as we see Scottywood walking down the hallway.

Scottywood: There he is! The man of the hour. The number one contender to my title.

Damien Ryan: What do you want?

Scottywood: Well, my old friend… before you step into that ring tonight, we’ve got to find out whether you’re going to be getting paid or not. So, if you’ll follow me.

Ryan knowing exactly what Scottywood is up to, drops his bag on a bench, frowns and follows the commish. The camera follows the two down the hallway, around a couple of turns till they reach a door with a Chicago Police officer standing there.

Damien Ryan: Wow, Scotty, you’re quite serious about this.

Scottywood: Well, Ryan, Lee wants to make sure his superstars are one hundred percent healthy.

Damien Ryan: Or one hundred percent his bitch… we all know you passed that test with flying colors.

Officer: Alright, that enough guys, let’s get on with this. Mr. Ryan, if you’ll follow me please.

They all walk into the room which turns out to be an actual bathroom. Scottywood sits back a bit as the officer leads Ryan to a urinal, then he pulls out a plastic tray.

Officer: Please empty all your pockets, sir and place all you’re belonging into this tray. And I mean everything.

Scottywood: Don’t try anything foolish, Damien. We find anything like fake piss, or prosthetic dicks and you’re test is an automatic failure.

Damien Ryan: Sure.

Ryan empties his pockets, his wallet, keys, some change. The officer being over precautious actually pats Ryan down to make sure he got everything. Then the officer hands Ryan a small cup to do his business in. Ryan takes it and turns to the urinal.

Scottywood: Don’t be shy now, fill it right up.

Ryan stands there, looking back and forth at Scottywood and the officer, a couple minutes actually go by.

Officer: Ah-uhmm.

Damien Ryan: I’m sorry! I’m trying here! I’m getting a little stagefright here. It’s not everyday when you have to take a piss with a couple people watching you, ya know!

Scottywood: Just get on with it, Ryan.

Damien Ryan: Errrrrrr! Ahhhh! Hmmmmmmmmm!

Ryan tries forcing it out, the camera showing Scottywood rolling his eyes.

Damien Ryan: Come on, come on, errrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!! eeeeeeee!

The camera shows the officer laughing, then Scottywood gives him a look and the officer immediately stops.

Damien Ryan: Wait for it! Wait for it! Ahhhhhhhhh, yesssssss! She’s away!!!!!!

We can hear the sound of urine filling the cup up. Then Ryan takes the cup and places it on the urinal and finishes the rest in the toilet. He finishes up, then turns around with a full cup in his hands.

Damien Ryan: Ha-ha! How about that?!

Scottywood: And just a shy under ten minutes, great job. (sarcastically)

Damien Ryan: Here you go, Scotty.

Ryan hands the cup to Scottywood, when he hands it to him, the cup is so full that when Ryan hands it to him, a little bit of urine falls out of the cup onto Scottywood’s hand.

Scottywood: Jesus Christ, Ryan!

Damien Ryan: My bad, my bad. (smiling)

Scottywood hands the cup over to the officer who covers it up and puts it in a bag. Scottywood rushes over to the sink and begins washing his hand.

Scottywood: Be a little careful next time, you asshole.

Damien Ryan: Alright, what’s the results?

Officer: It’s going to take us about fourty-five minutes to get the results back.

Damien Ryan: Fourty-five minutes?

Scottywood: (still washing his hands) That’s right, we should get the results no more than five minutes before your match tonight with Black. You’ve got a problem with that Ryan? I mean, we could take this to Lee. He could just suspend your match and give Black the win for you.

Damien Ryan: Nah, fourty-five minutes is fine.

Ryan walks out of the room while Scottywood is wiping his hands with a paper towel. Then Ryan pops his head back in.

Damien Ryan: By the way…. it stinks in here.

Officer: What did you have for dinner?

Damien Ryan: Asparagas, why?

Scottywood: Son of a bitch.

Ryan shrugs in confusion and walks out, Scottywood looks at the officer who is holding his nose and Scottywood decides to wash his hands a second time as Mayhem cuts to its first commercial break…


Former Champ Arrives…

Mayhem cuts to the parking lot as a black Alfa Romeo 8C Spider roars into the building. The camera focuses on the driver side door as the car comes to a halt and out steps returning HOW star Silent Witness. The fans in the arena greet the former Commissioner with a mixture of cheers and jeers as he makes his way towards the arena.

Joe Hoffman: Ladies and Gentlemen, he is back! Any speculation about Silent Witness not showing up tonight can end now!

Big Buff: What’s the big deal? It’s not like it’s a Best Alliance member arriving!

Joe Hoffman: Nobody knows Silent Witness’ allegiances here in HOW, so he may well be back in the Best Alliance for all we know!

Big Buff: No way. Lee would have told me.

The cameraman follows Silent Witness down a hallway and the former LSD Champion stops outside the locker room.

Silent Witness: It’s good to be back!

He smiles mischievously as he opens the door and walks inside, closing the door on the cameraman as Mayhem switches back to ringside where its time for our second match in The Best Invitational!

Static vs. Dylan Nitro
Singles Match

Joe lets everyone know that it is now time for our next match up in the Best Invitational as the other two members of the Lynx Group will now face off as Guy Static Stephens is set to take on Dylan Nitro.

The HOTv comes back to life to show the finish of the first match up in the Lynx group as Blaze escaped with a victory over Ryan Faze who was a late replacement by Chris Kostoff for Damien Sinn who was attacked earlier in the day by Blaze.

The stage then goes dark as HOW fans are eagerly anticipating the next match up.

Crashing around you by machine head hits as blue spotlights cross the stage and a shadow appears from behind the curtain and takes centre stage. He raises his arms in the air as the spotlights flicker and fireworks scream up into the air from behind him. The lights hit and Guy Stephens slowly starts makes his way down the ramp and  the crowd cheer as he stops every two or three steps, taking in all around him.

As Static continues his entrance Joe reminds the viewers that later on tonight we will be seeing a Barbed Wire Rope match, a potential ICON Title match and a Hardcore match for the Stable Titles as our Commissioner Scott Woodson has already made his presence known in the backstage area as he took office to start the year.

But right now its all about The Best Invitational as the HOTv comes to life to show the updated scoring in the Lynx Group

Jaxson “Blaze” Baxter: 3pts

Dylan Nitro: 0 pts

Static: 0Pts

Ryan Faze: -1pt

The HOTv then goes black and as the arena falls dark, suddenly we hear the beginning of Thunderstruck with a booming electric guitar solo, and we hear from the song

“ooo-ahhh, ooo-ahhh, oooooo”

The audience join in and scream out in unison THUNDER!

The rampway fills with white sparks. The audience keeps chanting until we hear the song lyrics.


a bolt of lightning hits the rampway which bursts into flames and Dylan Nitro appears and walks down the ramp tagging the hands of fans, he slides into the ring stands in the middle with his right fist in the air, the crowd cheering him as Static stares at him intently from the other side of the ring as Joe notes that this is the most amped up crowd that they have had in years and we are only on match number 2!!

Before referee Hortega can call for the opening bell, the lights in the arena cut off, leaving Static, Nitro, and everyone else in the dark.

Benny Newell: AIYEEEEE!

Joe Hoffman: Did you just scream like a girl at the dark?

Benny Newell: No… I, uhh… some fucker in the crowd tried to grab my flask in the dark!  I swear!

As Joe laughs at Benny’s cover-up, “Invincible” by OK Go begins playing and a blast of pyrotechnics goes off on the ramp, bringing the lights back up with them.  The fans in the Best Arena erupt into a mix of mostly cheers with many boos thrown in as HOW Stable Champions Perfectly Marvelous walk out onto the stage.  Triple M is carrying two lawn chairs under one arm and his holding a large red, white, and blue cooler in his opposite hand, his red Stable Title belt around his waist.  Triple P holds another chair in one hand and his Singapore cane and a microphone in the other while wearing his blue Stable Title on one shoulder and Derek Mobley’s old white belt on his other shoulder.  Maurako places the chairs and cooler down on the side of the ramp as Paras switches the mic to his other hand and stares toward the ring through his mirrored sunglasses.

Paras: Mayhem fans… this broadcast has officially become PERFECTLY MARVELOUS.

Mostly cheers resound from the crowd as Benny rages about PM interrupting this Lee Best Invitational match.

Paras: Now I’m sure all you people are wondering why we are out here.  Of course, your favorite HOW wrestlers and ours, Perfectly Marvelous, each have matches here tonight, and should be in the back preparing, right?  Well you see, peons, when you are Perfectly Marvelous, which you are, of course, NOT… you have a little free time during your match preparation.  Time for a little gambling… time for a little partying… and time for a little scouting.

Nitro and Static each have their full attention on PM, each looking disgusted with their match being delayed, but intrigued.  Maurako takes the mic.

Maurako: That’s right, scouting.  Back at ICONIC, our good friend Derek Mobley was unceremoniously tossed off the top of a cell and then was let go from HOW.  Don’t get us wrong—we like the guy and all, but it’s not exactly possible to be AWESOME when you’re lying in a hospital bed… and when you have to compare to the greatness of athletes like Paul and myself.  But to make a long story short, we have an open spot in the Argonauts of Awesome, and tonight, we begin scouting for our new Argo!  We’ve got our chairs, we’ve got our big screen HOTv right here, we’ve got a cooler full of HOW investor-approved brews…

Triple P snaps his cane against the cooler, opening it up to reveal a collection of very non-alcoholic sarsaparillas, Silver Colas, and Jattopias on ice.  Paul takes the mic back and points toward the men in the ring.

Paras: And we have our entertainment for the evening… that being YOU, flunkies!  You think you can be the newest member of the greatest stable in HOW history?  Show us what you’ve got.  Just remember… you may be good, you may be great, and you’re not PERFECTLY MARVELOUS… but you just may be Awesome.  Carry on!

Paras and Maurako each take a seat in one of the lawn chairs on the stage and grab a drink from the cooler to watch the match.  The white stable belt is sitting in the third chair, with a Silver Cola placed next to it by Triple M.

Joe Hoffman: Apparently the AoA is getting more active in their quest for a new member.

Benny Newell: First they leave the Best Alliance, then they interrupt Lee’s invitational… I can’t wait for Scotty to kick Triple M’s ass later tonight. Joel Hortega, ref for this match up, signals for the bell and Static and Nitro quickly begin circling each other as the crowd is still revved up from Nitro’s entrance.

The continue to celebrate as Nitro and Static lock up and it is Nitro who gains the early advantage by pushing Static to the ropes and sends him to the far side and meets him with a clothesline, followed by several more before Static escapes to the outside where he tries to gain his composure as the crowd is firmly behind Nitro.

Joe notes that unlike Faze earlier, Nitro is waiting in the ring for his opponent and that is a sign of a veteran who knows what he is in store for whereas Faze was out to make a quick impression to the HOW fans and guys in the back.

Back inside the ring Static slowly climbs back into the ring and once again the two Lynx Group competitors lock up and this time Static gains the upper hand with a quick knee to the gut followed up with an ax handle to the back.

From there Static begins to work over the upper body of Nitro obviously trying to neutralize the power of Nitro.

There are several moments where Nitro is about to make a comeback only for Static to use some under hand tactic to stay on top of the match up …that is until he goes for a suplex only to have it countered into a DDT by Nitro which leaves both men prone on the mat as the crowd cheers for Nitro to get to his feet first.

Both men slowly make their way up to their feet but it is Nitro who quickly captures the upper hand with a powerful right hand to Static and continues to punch him all the way to the ropes where he proceeds to Irish him hard into the ropes and follows it up with a high impact Spinebuster which results in the first near fall of the match.

Nitro, feeding off the crowd, continues the offense as he nails Static with several big impact moves including a beautiful float over DDT at one point that gains another near fall.

Static finally does gain the upper hand however as Nitro goes for a suplex but Static is able to counter with a small package into a near fall followed by a quick drop kick to the face of Nitro.

The two men then go back and forth for a few more minutes before the match finally comes to a close as Static is setting up Nitro for his Static Slam finisher but Nitro counters the kick to his stomach by grabbing the leg of Static and spinning him and punching him to the ropes and then proceeds to whip him hard into the ropes and follows him and nails Static with a thundering knee to the stomach that sends Static head over heels to the mat where Nitro drops the finishing elbow of his Thunder and Lightning finisher.

Hortega makes the count as the crowd counts along…






Post match we see Nitro soak in the fans as the AoA give him golf claps.



Pre Match Preparations

We cut backstage where David Black is seen standing in a deserted hallway talking to HOW referee Matt Boettcher. As the cameraman slowly moves closer to the two, we begin to be able to make out the words they are saying..

David: Look all I’m saying, and this really isn’t a big thing, is that, while you and I may seem to be very different people on the surface, the truth is that right now, we are in the unique position of having a mutual interest. It’s really just a case of the classic ” You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours”….just, you know, not litterally though!

He adds, quickly.

David: Now I don’t want anything crazy to happen in this match, and with you set to officiate the match, I thought maybe we could reach an understanding, as I said, it can and will be mutually beneficial, I’m not one to brag but I am a very wealthy man and…

Just then, David peeks over his right shoulder and notices the cameraman behind him.

David: And as I was saying, you had better officiate this match fairly, I will not have anything tainting my win today, you got that?

David then takes off down the hallway at a high speed, as we cut to another commercial.


The Results..

Back from commercial and the camera cuts to backstage where we see Damien Ryan, all dressed in his wrestling attire, ready for his match tonight. He turns a corner and opens a door and moves in. Sitting at a desk is Scottywood, the police officer from earlier standing next to him.

Damien Ryan: You got the results?

Scottywood: They just came in, earlier than I thought, so officer, what’s the verdict?

The police officer looks at a sheet of paper. Then looks up at the two.

Officer: The test came back negative for illegal substances.

Ryan smiles, Scottywood just grins back as if saying: you’re lucky.

Damien Ryan: Thanks for the waste of time gentlemen, but I have a match to go to.

Officer: But…….

Scottywood looks at the officer.

Officer: We did find some traces of other substances.

Scottywood: Really?

Ryan turns back around, in his own wonder wanting to know what they found.

Officer: There were traces of Cialis, Enzyte, and eXtense.

Ryan stands there, Scottywood turns to him.

Scottywood: eXtense?

Damien Ryan: I have no idea what he’s talking about.

Scottywood: If my memory serves me correctly….aren’t those-

Officer: Male enhancement supplements.

Damien Ryan: Whoa, whoa, there’s got to be some sort of mistake, here.

Scottywood sits there trying not to laugh.

Damien Ryan: What the hell you laughing at Scotty? I have no idea how that showed up on the drug testicle! I MEAN! There’s no way that should have came up on the penis screening…I mean drug screening!

Scottywood and the officer look at each other with smiles on their faces, Ryan with a big embarrassed look on his.

Scottywood: Fine, fine, you’ll be cleared for tonight, Damien. You’ll have to take it again, though. HOW will call your doctor, what’s his name again?

Damien Ryan: Dr. Johnston….damn!

Scottywood: I thought you went to that Chinese guy.

Damien Ryan: You mean Dr. Wang? Ah!!!

Scottywood shakes his head with a huge smile on his face, loving every moment of this.

Damien Ryan: I’ve got to go.

Scottywood: Wait! Ryan, are you under HOW insurance?

Damien Ryan: I have a member! I mean, I AM a member! God damnit! I’m running late for my match.

Officer: Just need you to sign this ledger acknowledging you got the results.

Damien Ryan: Fine….I’ll just sign my cock…..I meant to say, my John Hancock!

Ryan signs the paper and walks out of the office, slamming the door behind him. Scottywood and the officer burst out in laugher. Then Scottywood turns to the officer.

Scottywood: Alright, get out.

The action cuts to ringside where the HOW crew members have just finished putting in the barbed wire ropes for the next match up in the Lee Best Invitational!!

David Black vs. Damien Ryan
Barbed Wire Ropes Match

Joe and Benny go over the fact that this next match up might just hurt the winner more than anything as this barbed wire match is sure to take a lot out of both men.

Benny then questions where is the namesake of this tournament and he wonders out loud if there is something wrong with Lee.

Joe asks if maybe it’s the fact that no one has seen Jatt Starr in the arena yet and that once again Lee is full of crap in terms of finally bringing back Jatt.

Benny can only grumble under his breath has he reaches for his glass of water and almost cries as he realizes that water out of an official HOW flask is just not as good as good old Jack Daniels.

The camera pans away from the announcers and instead focuses in on the ring where we see several close ups of the barbs that are sticking out all over the wire that has now taken the place of the traditional ring ropes.

Suddenly the into riff to “Come to Life” by Alter Bridge starts playing for the arena sound system and the fans go nuts. A giant maple leaf appears on the screen and then fades away as several pyro’s shoot off at the entrance and Damien Ryan comes onto the stage as the band joins the song. Ryan walks down the ramp, not acknowledging the fan presence at all, walks into the ring in a determined mode, stands in the corner for a minute. He slaps the maple leaf tattoo on his upper arm then jumps on the turnbuckle and raises his arms to an eager crowd as they go wild as he stares down at the barbed wire intently.

Joe notes that this match up is taking place inside the Mark O’Neal Group and that the men in this group have a lot to live up to as Mark O’Neal was the winner of the first War Games match and was in the first induction class of the HOW Hall of Fame.

Worlds Greatest” by R Kelly hits the arena and David walks out onto the stage from the backstage area, closely followed by Jade. They proceed to walk towards the ring, with David smiling and laughing all the way, occasionally stopping to pose or exchange words with the fans.

Black walks Jade over to the steel steps and motions for her to stay put as he carefully enters the ring and focuses in on Ryan who is staring him down from the opposite side of the ring.

Benny cannot resist as he notes that the last time Ryan did anything this hard was the last time he was pumping his dick full of drugs.

Joe apologizes to the viewers for Benny’s comments as Matt Boettcher signals for the bell and this Barbed Wire match is underway!

Both Black and Ryan gingerly circle each other as Joe mentions that Black already has tried to buy the referee and one has to wonder what else he has up his sleeve for this big match up.

The two men finally lock up as the crowd is on their feet as they just know this one is going to get bloody.

And they weren’t wrong as literally a few seconds into the match Black is able to get a good hold of Ryan and whips him hard into the near ropes where Ryan’s back makes direct contact with the barbed wires and the HD Cameras for HOTv zoom in on the back of the No.1 Contender for the LSD Championship as it begins to bleed.

Smiling, Black peels Ryan off the ropes and picks him up in a suplex position but Ryan is able to block it and much to the dismay of Jade on the outside, Ryan falls back and David Black lands back first on the tope rope and now it is his turn to scream out in pain as he bounces on the barbed wire as Jade quickly runs over and helps pulls him down to the apron where he jumps down to the outside of the ring and Jade and Black quickly start walking towards the back.

Ryan slowly exits the ring but quickly gives chase as he clearly doesn’t want a win this way but just as he is set to nail Black from behind Black turns quickly and nails Ryan with his sweet chin finisher called The Blackout.

Black and Jade then proceed to pick up the dazed Ryan and carry him back to the ring where they roll him under the bottom barbed wire rope and literally have to push him thru as his arm gets stuck on some of the barbs.

Black gives a thumbs up to Boettcher, enters the ring and makes the cover as Boettcher counts.






The crowd cheers wildly as Ryan is able to barely kick out. Frustrated, over the next several minutes Black uses the bottom and middle ropes to literally bust Ryan wide open on his chest and arms and legs.

At one point and with the help of Jade, Black is able to distract Boettcher as Jade pulls Ryan down across the top rope, literally almost choking him  on his own blood.

It is at this point that Black makes his fatal mistake as Ryan catches him with a low blow and proceeds to turn around and nails Jade off the apron and then turns and nails Black with a powerful clothesline followed by a slingshot into the ropes and now it is Black who is bleeding on his stomach.

Ryan continues to work on Black as he continues to bleed himself and the finish of the match finally comes as Ryan climbs to the top rope to execute his finisher but he is pushed off by Jade right into The Blackout from Black.

Black crawls over to make the cover and Boettcher counts…







Not hearing the three count Black sits up on his knees and turns to see Boettcher with a barbed wire steel chair in his hands …..



The crowd goes apeshit as Ryan is out cold from The Blackout while Black is out cold from…..Matt Boettcher???

Boettcher starts the ten count and as the crowd is stunned he reaches ten and calls for the bell and makes it official.


Post match Joe tells the viewers that Commissioner Scott Woodson got official word from Lee Best that a draw will mean 1.5 pts for each wrestler!

The HOW crewmembers quickly get to work on getting the ropes down as Jade helps Black to the back as Ryan is still dazed in the ring as everyone wonders why Boettcher did what he did…

Was it cause of Black approaching him backstage?

No answers are available however as we go backstage where Joe has just gotten word that Silent Witness is about to confront Bobbinette Carey!!


Epic Meeting

Backstage, Bobbinette Carey is seen walking down the hall with Princess in her arms. She stops suddenly and smirks, her eyes staring straight ahead.

Bobbinette Carey: Wow You showed up this time. I thought you were going to bail out again.

Bobbinette’s voice is somewhat hateful, but it soon becomes apparent why as Silent Witness walks up to her and the two go toe-to-toe. Silent Witness reaches out to stroke Princess, but Carey pulls her away quickly.

Bobbinette Carey: Don’t you firetrucking touch her!

Silent Witness smirks.

Silent Witness: You know, Bobbie – you don’t mind if I call you Bobbie, right?

Bobbinette scowls as Silent Witness smiles at her.

Silent Witness: Well Bobbie, it’s been a long time. You and I, we’ve had our differences and we’ve put each other through hell; prison isn’t a nice place.

Bobbinette smiles as Silent Witness scowls.

Silent Witness: And I know that you weren’t too happy with what happened to Princess. But that’s done with and it’s time to move on.

Bobbinette turns her head slightly raising an eyebrow, trying to figure out what Silent Witness was up to. The former Commissioner raises his hand to calm her.

Silent Witness: Look, I don’t blame you for not trusting me, but I’m done with our spat. We had one of the greatest feuds in HOW history, but it’s time to move on. I heard about what happened to Livie.

Bobbinette goes to say something, but Silent Witness interrupts her.

Silent Witness: I’m not here to cause trouble. I just wanted to say I hope you get her back and she’s ok. I’m told you’re in rehab, why’s that?

Bobbinette glares at Silent Witness.

Bobbinette: It was that or jail. I took the rehab for my “Drinking” Issue. I actually had the option of not being in jail and being someones prison bitch unlike you.

Silent Witness clenches his fist and goes to retaliate, but restrains himself and looks towards Carey.

Silent Witness: I hope you recover quickly. I know it must be hell for you.

The former LSD Champion turns and walks away from Carey, leaving Bobbinette confused.

Bobbinette Carey: Come on Princess we have things to do…

Carey continues her walk down the hallway as Mayhem goes to commercial.


Perfect Spot

A commercial begins with a black screen, containing the words, “The following message has been paid for by the State of Minnesota in conjunction with the Populace Assembled for the Renewal and Ascension of Society (PARAS).” 

The words fade out as they are replaced by the image of HOW Stable Champion Perfect Paul Paras, seated at a desk inside his Minneapolis Mansion, dressed in a dark gray suit jacket and blue dress shirt.  He addresses the camera in a calm, but strong voice as calming music plays in the background.

Paras: Hello High Octane Wrestling fans.  You know me as the Minnesota Messiah, “Perfect” Paul Paras.  You know that I am a world-renowned athlete and am part of the longest-reigning HOW Stable Champions of all time.  What you may not know, however, is that our country is in a state of utter peril.

While Paras talks, various scenes play: an automobile assembly line coming to a halt… a freshly laid-off worker walking to his car, trying to hold back tears… a family gathered around a Christmas tree with no presents underneath.

Paras: Jobs are being lost.  Families are being destroyed.  The economy is in complete distress.  What is one to do in these difficult times?  Being perfect, I asked myself this very question and realized that there is help out there!  Revitalizing your work… overcoming your failures… clutching back onto the bitter fibers of life that were unfairly stolen from you… these gifts and more can be had by following my example.  The Perfect One has already renewed communities in his home state of Minnesota thanks to the time and donations of a proud and determined group of people that I am proud to call my Parasites.  Listen to just one of my thousands of neighbors who have seen a glimpse of the Perfect Life…

The scene cuts to a picture of an overweight, brunette Minnesotan woman in her early 40s, frowning as she pulls more bills out of her home mailbox.

Woman’s voice: My family had so many problems…we just couldn’t keep up with it all! 

The picture fades to reveal the woman talking on-camera, smiling, although she is now curiously 30lbs lighter, has blonde hair and a tan, and is no longer wearing glasses.

Woman: But then Mr. Paras came and visited us and told us all about how life could be with his help… it was like the clouds parted!  I donate every week to the PARAS fund now and can’t wait to see all the great things he will do for the rest of the country!

The scene fades back to Paras.

Paras: That same joy, that same energy can be yours, too, simply by being a believer in the Perfect Life.  Please make a donation today to help the Minnesota Messiah be a savior for our entire nation…and beyond.

Paul raises three fingers together on his right hand, the gesture known as “the perfect touch.”  He gives the classic Triple P smirk toward the camera.

Paras: Trust me… it’s going to be perfect.

The scene fades out to another black screen, giving the address to which donations can be sent.  The music concludes as the commercial comes to an end and the action returns to Mayhem.

Best and Sitter

We are back from commercial and we are once again backstage but this time we are not in some dark hallway or some back office. Instead we are in THE office….

Lee Best’s office.

The owner of HOW is in his usual spot, sitting behind his big solid oak desk, in his plush leather chair. But instead of being surrounded by his Best Alliance stable members he is instead staring at the man sitting opposite of him.

Lee Best: What the hell you want Kostoff?

Lee looks across his desk at a smiling Chris Kostoff.

Chris Kostoff: Look Lee you just gotta accept that we are now on a level playing surface and for once you cannot just bully your way around here. HOW is bigger than you know and quite frankly it might of just passed you by?


Kostoff just starts laughing at the outburst from Lee who cannot believe what he is seeing.

Chris Kostoff: Sorry Lee…but damn I have to admit it’s great to see you so rattled. Just wait till you see what I got planned for you later on in the show.

Lee leans forward, now more nervous than anything.

Lee Best: Planned? I am the only one with plans around here man. Just cause you are a glorified babysitter around here doesn’t mean you can go behind my back…what the fuck do you have planned!!

Chris Kostoff: Doesn’t feel good to be in the dark does it?

Lee Best: Ya just like you going behind my back and getting Silent Witness a new contract?

Chris Kostoff: Hey the investors thought signing a proven name would be good going into the new year especially with the launch of all new shit on HOTv looming.

Lee Best: What do you have planned you piece of shit?

Chris Kostoff: Oh Lee I love to watch you squirm. Let’s just say that after tonight the face of HOW will no longer be that pretty one eyed face of yours…

Lee Best:

Fuck you Kostoff. Fuck you and your fucking wife Barb…

Before Lee can finish Kostoff leaps across the desk and grabs Lee by the throat and stares into his one good eye.

Chris Kostoff: You leave my wife out of this you piece of shit. I was having fun watching you bitch and moan but don’t you think for one second that I won’t have more fun knocking that other eye out of your fucking socket….got it?

Lee can only nervously nod as Kostoff lets go and Lee drops down into his seat.

Chris Kostoff: I gotta go get ready for my match so don’t do anything stupid. Oh by the way….I got word…Jatt Starr isn’t showing up….

Kostoff leaves a stunned Best behind as the action returns to ringside as its time for our next Invitational Match.

Silent Witness vs. Christopher America
Singles Match

Back at ringside Joe and Benny debate what kind of surprise Kostoff has in store for Lee and was he serious in stating that Jatt Starr was not going to show up?

Benny is begging for a drink as Joe runs down our next match up pitting the last two members of the Mark O’Neal group and Joe notes that at one time Witness and O’Neal were on the Mayhem roster back in 2002 during the brand split in HOW.

Joe then goes over the emergence of Christopher America here in HOW as the new superstar makes his way down to the ring as Remember The Name by Fort Minor plays over the loudspeakers.

Benny notes that America is a true Amercian and soon to be American Hero if he just chooses the right sides here in HOW. This makes Joe counter that America needs to find his own way and if anything else he should not be a BEST AMERICAN.

Benny and Joe continue to go back and forth as suddenly the hallowing sound of a softly wailing choir on Kronos Quartet’s “Lux Aeterna” plays and the lights in the arena dim. HOTv is lit up momentarily by a lightning bolt flashing across the screen, followed by another. On the stage, a pyrotechnic display of golden rain begins to raise slowly either side of the ramp. As the wailing stops and the music begins to build up, the fireworks stop, until the sound of the drum booms and a huge pyrotechnic explosion begins on the stage with short, sharp bursts all the way down the ramp to ringside.

As the piece moves into its final stages, Silent Witness slowly walks out onto the stage through a pyrotechnic display of falling golden rain and the fans boo loudly. The HOW legend stands atop the ramp silently, surveying the crowd under a guise of arrogance.

He begins his walk down the ramp, completely ignoring the fans with outstretched arms. He points to himself, bragging to anyone close enough to hear that he is the best. Silent Witness gets to ringside and slides under the bottom rope. He gets to his feet and glances over to the referee quickly with an intimidating look before raising both arms in the air as his music concludes.

Joe notes to the viewers that Mike Shea has been assigned to this match and there is no word yet on if Matt Boettcher will be allowed to ref the other two matches he has been assigned for the evening, including the Main Event.

The opening bell rings as America and Witness circle one another. They are just about to lock up before a blast of pyro goes off on the rampway, making referee Shea nearly jump out of his shoes. Silent Witness and Christopher America are startled as well as “Invincible” by OK Go plays over the speakers and, much like earlier in the night, Perfectly Marvelous walk out onto the stage. Paras and Maurako simply chat amongst themselves as they take a seat back at their “scouting post” for the night and each grab another non-alcoholic drink from their cooler to watch the match..

Benny clamors for security to kick out the AoA as inside the ring The former LSD Champion Silent Witness quickly gains the upper hand but he loses it just as fast as Christopher hits an American right hand to the head of Witness and drives him back into the corner where America makes a clean break only to quickly nail Witness with several boots to the midsection.

The former commish however fights out of the corner and turns the tables on America and is now lighting America up with rights and lefts and as he continues the crowd gets into a frenzy as Witness sends America down to the bottom rope with a final right hand.

Witness turns to the crowd and they cheer him on loudly as America looks dazed and unsure of himself.

But it is all a ploy as Witness comes near America grabs his trunks and pulls him thru the middle rope causing the former LSD Champion to smash his shoulder into the unforgiving steel.

America is able to bring the action to the middle of the ring as he continues to work on the arm of Witness with several American arm drags and American armbars.

America is on the verge of victory when tragedy strikes as Witness ducks under an American clothesline and turns it into his Silent Night finisher that is also known as a Million Dollar Dream sleeper hold in other parts of the wrestling world.

America fights hard but the more America fights the hold the deeper America goes into the darkness and slowly but surely America falls to the mat and is unable to answer the three count from Shea.


Post match we see the AoA giving out more golf claps as Joe notes that it was quite the return for the HOW legend whereas America gave it his all but you can tell that America is going to be around for the long haul and it is just a matter of time.

Mayhem cuts backstage as we see a last shot of Witness waving to the fans.

Man to watch…

??: Mister Slade? Could I have a moment of your time?

The scene opens as Issac Slade looks up at someone off Camera, the female voice catches his attention, following his gaze the Camera zooms in on a pair of pretty, long legs that are attached to Blaire Moise, where those legs go Issac is certain many have speculated.

Issac Slade: Certainly Maam, you can have two moments if you really want them.

He shoots Blaire a disarming and friendly smile

Issac Slade: Am I being accosted for my first HOW Interview?

Blaire Moise: You certainly are Mister Slade, If you don’t mind jumping right in, Where are you from? And what Brings you to HOW?

Issac Slade: Well I’m from Louisiana Maam, born and raised there, straight out of the Bible belt

Blaire Moise: Ah so you’re a religious man then?

Issac Slade: Not so you’d notice *he chuckles* I believe in God if that’s what you mean Maam, but if you want the Religious Sermons you’d have to go to my fathers church on Sunday for that, I’m just the son of a preacher man out on a Journey of self discovery.

Blaire Moise: So you’re not here to spread the good word to HOW?

Issac Slade: I’m 20 years old Maam, in my time I’ve never once thumped a Bible, I’ve thumped a few thick skulls that needed the physical kind of enlightenment that only a heavy hand and a closed fist can bring, but I like to think they had it coming…and that they’re better for having had it.

Blaire Moise: So you’re a man of violence? I wouldn’t have guessed that.

Issac Slade: Not at all Maam, I’d like to think I’m one of the most likeable gents you’ll ever meet, I don’t go out looking for fights, what usually gets me in trouble is when I see someone being bullied and I feel I have to step in, been doing that since grade school, it’s a habit that usually leads to bruises and bloody noses but the way I see it there’s worse habits to have, I’m nothing special mind you, I’ve taken my beatings, but I’ve got a thick skin and I’ve still got all my teeth intact so I’d like to think I could be a lot worse at whipping bullies than I am now.

Blaire Moise: So you’ve come to HOW to stick up for the underdogs then?

Issac Slade: Maybe Maam Maybe, bottom line is though I’m not here to climb into the ring and hand out bibles, so anyone out there who thinks I’m a Holy Roller who’s an easy target and can’t take a punch…well I look forward to proving them wrong.

Blaire Moise: Well thank you for your “Two moments” of time Mister Slade.

Issac Slade: It was my pleasure Maam *he winks at her* Maybe next time we’ll make it “Three” moments

Turning away from Blaire and the camera Issac opens a door and vanishes into a room where he can most likely watch the show in peace.

Mayhem cuts to a commercial…


New Sponsor??

[The screen cuts to a scene with Damien Ryan sitting in his home watching television. On the TV screen is a taping from a Bette Midler concert on DVD. We can see him lip syncing along with the DVD. Then suddenly a second Damien Ryan walks onto the screen.]

Damien Ryan: Hi, I’m Damien’s Cell Phone. Unfortunately, Mr. I Don’t Give A here doesn’t use Sprint PCS. And he has absolutely no bars down here in his “Man Room” basement. So when you called to say that you had a extra ticket to the Bette Midler concert tonight at the Air Canada Center, with a “Meet & Greet” after the show…. Damo here, didn’t get it.

[He looks back at the Damien Ryan sitting on his couch still lip syncing.]

Damien Ryan: Idiot. (shaking his head)

Voiceover: Now, get all the bars you need when you switch to Sprint PCS! [Camera cuts]

Epic Return

Mayhem is back and rolling wild with the new year, fans excited and going crazy, but as they sit on waiting for more action, suddenly the big screen lights up, every fans eyes shoot to see as it fuzzes.


Nah, enough with that, you know who he is by now, Crow immediately appears on the screen as the feed cuts in, a smile covering his face as fans react with both cheers and boos. He chuckles to himself, waiting for the fans to quiet down, the camera widens out, showing him standing comfortable and confident with the ICON title draped over his shoulder.

Crow: Hey guys, happy new fucking year, great one huh? You wanna know what I done? I sat in the dark, smiled over my title, got drunk, and thought about tonight. You see, when you do what we’ve done for so long, you give up on things like new years, Christmas, valentines, thanks giving, independence day, it’s all a load of crock, because we end up working them anyway, it’s amazing we received the generosity to have them off. But were here, today, the day of promise, the day of increment..

The same smile lingers across Crow’s face as he looks around him, thinking.

Crow: I guess, I could fall back on promises, I could, lack on myself and the company, but neither will be done, tonight, I’ll beat Max Kael, and head to the top of the leader board. But also, tonight, I guess, I’ll live up to my promise to Bobbi, and I’ll return her oh so precious little girl that she’s oh so missed, Livie.

With that, the camera pans out even more, showing Crow’s designer clothing, and then Livie, sitting nicely behaved aside him, this time, not tied up, sitting as if she’s scared to move.

Crow: She’s been waiting to home to you Bobbi, but lately, she’s been less resistant, yet, more comfortable. As you see, I haven’t got her tied any more, she isn’t being forced, or held back in any way, if anything she could run away and she’s free, back with you. But she wouldn’t of even been gone from you if you had behaved yourself Bobbi, and Livie now knows that, that this is all your fault, that she’s been kidnapped, held against her will and held physically and emotionally in pain these past few months, alllllll because of you girl.

Crow turns to Livie and looks at her with pity.

Crow: I almost feel sorry for her that she has to go back to you, and put up with your pathetic lame lifestyle you now lead, so go…

Crow stares at Livie, she looks stumped.

Crow: ..Go!?

Again, looking a hole through her as she’s not sure what to do, edging on her chair, looking around, but, moving nowhere.

Crow: GO!!!

Immediately she flinches and leaps off the chair, she stands, curious, not sure what to do, but she runs, the camera follows. Fans watch the scene bounce around everywhere as the cameraman runs, following her, corridor to corridor eventually she bursts into a room, there sits Bobbinette Carey looking lost and nervous.. Bobbinette looks up, not even expecting to see Livie it takes a second or two to kick in as she sits with a blank look on her face, She then she realizes exploding out her seat. She runs at Livie wrapping her arms around her, Livie begins crying and falls to her knees in tears, a tear now breaches Carey’s eye as the two sit crying in each others absent arms.

Bobbinette; I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.

She cries over and over hugging Livie tightly. Livie hugs her sister back crying and shaking in Bobbinette’s arms as Mayhem goes to another commercial as Carey vs. Kostoff is next!!!


Bobbinette Carey vs. Chris Kostoff
Singles Match

Back live and already in the ring and still wiping her tears is new HOW Hall of Famer Bobbinette Carey. Joe and Benny welcome back the viewers and  the HOTv quickly shows a replay of Carey and Livie being reunited finally after several months of pure torture that drove Carey to the brink.

The crowd suddenly goes wild as Name of the Game by Crystal Method begins playing and none other than original HOW Hall of Famer and current Representative to the Investors, Chris Kostoff, makes his way down to the ring as Joe reminds viewers that Kostoff has Best on tilt and has promised a surprise for Lee.

Kostoff wastes not time in getting into the ring and signals for Hortega to signal for the bell and Benny notes that Kostoff is already abusing his power and power is the right word as Kostoff just overpowers Carey early and often and Joe wonders out loud if the reuniting with Livie was too much for Carey emotionally as she looks off her game.

Kostoff continues to manhandle Carey and eventually within only a few minutes it is Kostoff with a No Remorse sit down powerbomb and the cover for the win as Hortega counts the uno…dos…tres.


Post match we see Kostoff head to the back having barely broke a sweat while inside the ring Bobbinette is happier to see Livie beside her than anything and apparently the outcome of the match will have no effect on her moving forward.

Joe takes mayhem to another commercial as word has spread that Lee Best has demanded that Maximillian Kael address the masses next here on Mayhem!!!

Max decides!!

Back live from commercial…

The lights dim as “Purtania” blares over the speakers. The song is met with heavy boos as the fans recognize the arrival of Max Kael who steps out onto the ramp wearing a sleek black pin strip suit. He pauses on the ramp for a moment before he sneers deeply, making his way toward the ring, swaggering as he goes along.

Joe Hoffman: Well it looks like Max is here to answer the burning question!

Buff Benny: Yeah but we all know the answer.. and it’s gonna be yes!

Max looks smug as he rolls steps up into the ring, wiping his feet off on the apron before stepping between the ropes where he motions for a mic which is tossed to him. The music fades as the fans begin to chant –Fuck off Maxie, Fuck off!-

Max Kael: Well a fine hello to all of you piss ants..

The first words set off another roar of boos directed at Max as he smirks into the mic.

Max Kael: Now I know you are all interested in hearing what the Prime Minister of Maxopotamia has to say.. and that you are all interested in knowing what my decision as it falls to Mr. Lee Best’s demand about my status with the Best Alliance..

Boos continue to fall in as Max lowers the mic, shaking his head slightly to the side as people continue to boo. He arches his eyebrows up before he lifts the mic again.

Max Kael: My answer is that the Prime Minister of Maxopotamia is OUT of the Best Alliance.

The boos turn immediately to cheers as Max says that, the prospect of another enemy for Lee Best energizing the fans. Max holds his hand up slowly to calm the fans.

Max Kael: Now, now, you can hold back your cheers, you mildly retarded WWE fan rejects. All that means is that I am cutting my losses with Mr. Lee’s so called Best Alliance and turning my attention toward a more fruitful and effective career on my own.

As he insults the crowd they once again turn to boos, the mentioning that they were rejected WWE fans really seems to piss off the Chicago crowd.

Max Kael: Let’s face it, Mr. Lee Best makes Governor Rod Blagojevich look like an incorruptible pillar of virtue and he was caught trying to sell of a Senate Seat! What’s worse is scum like you elected Governor Blagojevich further adding credence to the idea that you’re all mentally handicapped!

The mention of Blagojevich seems to increase the heat that Max was getting right now and indeed the cheap shot is well enjoyed by Max.

Max Kael: So let us look forward now, shall we? Too a better tomorrow, one where Max Kael, the Prime Minister of Maxopotamia, proceeds to once again attain the highest honor that High Octane Wrestling can offer. And if Mr. Best gets in my way, well, that really shall be his river to cross won’t it? Now enjoy the show and spend more money. We’re in a fucking economic depression right now and we need our paychecks and your kids need new fucking shirts. Something not purchased at Good Will for your white trash families! Imagine that!”

Max laughed into the mic before he tossed it out of the ring. “Purtania” blared back up as he made his way out of the ring as Joe is told to send the action backstage as there is some very loud cursing going on in his ear.


Tenma explains…

Instead of going backstage the HOTv comes to life where we see the man formally known as Kenn Davison and no as Tenma staring intently out into the crowd…

People want explanations.  People want to know, “Why, Ken?  Why?”  It doesn’t matter.  Ken no longer matters.  What matters is here, now.  If you were me, sacrificing everything for a leader who didn’t care and a boss who wanted you gone, what would you have done?  Nothing, because none of you spineless little wretches would have the balls to do what I did.  Livie doesn’t need to be rescued from Crow… she needs to be rescued from Bobbinette Carey.

Bobbinette Carey, you can sit there and feign innocence all you want.  But you… you drove me to this.  You were too busy boozing and romancing Nurse Tom too worry about actually doing anything.  People like you make me sick.  All that time, all that energy that you spent whining, pissing and moaning could have been spent trying to save Livie.  Instead, you turned to the bottle.  Bobbinette, you’re a waste as a human being.  I’m glad I called social services posing as your father.  You don’t deserve Livie, and quite frankly, you never did.

And Lee… oh, Lee Best…  you thought that you’d be rid of me, didn’t you?  You can beat a dog, and while you may think that he respects you, the second you turn you back, he will attack you.  Be smart, Lee.  Don’t turn your back.  God is dead, long live Tenma.

The HOTv goes to black as Mayhem cuts to another commercial for Budweiser.


Paul Paras vs. Tenma
Singles Match

Back live from commercial and inside the ring already is the man formally known as Ken Davision…Tenma.

Joe notes that Tenma looks as menacning as ever and one has to wonder about the mental state of Tenma.

Benny states that he could care less and that unless Tenma decides to side with the Best Alliance then he is just another piece of talent that will never be worth a damn.

Joe then walks the viewers thru a couple of replays from earlier on in the night when the AoA where out scouting potential members for their Stable that is currently the holder of the Stable Championship here in HOW.

Benny note that they never won it since they were in the BA when they had it.

Joe counters with the fact that Scottywood is FORCING them to defend the Stable Title later tonight when they made it clear that they wouldn’t defend it in one on one situations.

As Perfect Paul Paras makes his way out Benny tells Joe only the people in power can make those type of decisions and the AoA have no power and Scotty will show that tonight just as Tenma is about to.

Inside the ring Matt Boettcher signals for the bell and Joe tells the viewers that it was Kostoff’s ruling to keep Boettcher working tonight as Black did indeed try to buy him off earlier on.

Both men go back and forth for several minutes with Tenma utilizing several mist spots to gain the upper hand.

Tenma is close to a victory but Triple P is able to pull out the win after ducking another mist shot that temporarily blinds Boettcher but allows Triple P to use his own version of mist….CHILI POWDER…and nails Tenma in the eyes and is able to get the pinfall victory before Tenma is able to kick out.


Post match we see Triple P head up the rampway with his Stable Title as both Boettcher and Tenma are inside the ring trying to see.

Mayhem cuts to another commercial as its been announced that up next is JATT STARR!!!


Starr Speaks!!

:::”Everybody Wants You” by Billy Squires blares across the arena as a figure emerges from the curtain and stops at the entranceway. The man runs his hand through his stylish short and tussled dirty blonde hair as the crowd erupts when they notice the black baseball jersey with silver lettering reading “Jatt Starr” on the front and “Ruler of Jattlantis” on the back. Over his left shoulder is a ratty old manmade cardboard belt with faded gold paint on it and a microphone in his hand.:::

Starr: Wow! How long has it been since the Ruler of Jattlantis has shown his face in High Octane Wrestling? However long it’s been, I know it’s been awhile….a long while. But I’m still UAD!!!

:::Starr holds up the old ripped up cardboard title, the gold paint faded, he made years ago.::::

Starr: That’s UNDEFEATED AGAINST DARKWING, to those uninformed. Ah, good ol’Duck. Anyway, I’m glad to be back here. Admittedly, I’m outside the loop a bit. BUT….I’ve been sitting back in the Jatt-Cave catching up when I can. But I’ll get to my opinions on the state of the HOW in a moment. All of you may be wondering what is going on with the former King of Grapple from the Big Apple and the answer is:

Quite a bit.

But I’ll just you the Cliff Note version: After a short bout with alcoholism, big shocker there, did a low budget film called “Jatturday the 14th”, I met and fell in love with a beautiful Canadian goddess, got married, and I have a baby on the way. Fin.

:::Some applause and congratulations resound from the crowd for Starr as he looks around.:::

Starr: That being said, onto the current state of High Octane Wrestling. This whole Kostoff versus Lee Best thing that’s been going on? For like 6 years? It’s getting old. See a marriage counselor, I’m serious. It’s like you two are an old married couple! Talk things out. Therapy. Something!

The newer, darker Graystone? Obviously, he must be working through some gender confusion again. That whole Princess Angel thing, actually makes sense to me now. I half expect him to come out dancing to “Goodbye Horses” his wee wee tucked between his legs. With Graystone as the HOW Champion, I can hear the ratings dropping quicker than “Viva Laughlin’s”!

By the way Graystone, you owe me $11,278.68 in therapy bills for that Princess Angel stunt, but I digress.

Marvelous” Mario Maurako. I hate to say this, but you are “Mediocre” Mario Maurako until you win the ICON Championship a minimum of two times or a reign as HOW Champion. Then, and only then, will you be “Marvelous”. And as far as “Perfect” Paul Paras goes, I’m still Triple M’s best tag team partner of all time.

Scottywood? No, Scotty-won’t. Scotty won’t be entertaining. Scotty won’t amass the accolades I have. Scotty won’t be a Ratings Juggernaut like myself. Scotty won‘t make a difference in the HOW. All Scotty will do is Lee Best‘s bidding.

And the HOW Hall of Fame? That’s become a bigger joke than the Detroit Lions. Bobbinette Carey? A Hall of Famer? With her induction, it’s a sure sign it’s becoming the Hall of Lame. The Hall of Fame used to mean something. You had to make a difference. You had to prove yourself and grow. Like Lynx, Mark O’Neal, Darkwing, Kostoff, Narcotic, and myself. Legends of HOW. Bobbinette Carey, you are not a legend. You are the same spoiled brat with a bad vocabulary she was two years ago. Team Epic? More like Team Septic.

Speaking of the Hall of Fame and Kostoff. Has anyone else grown tiresome of this Kostoff and Lee Best feud? I swear, it’s been the same old thing for years. Lee Best uses his power to enforce his will and Kostoff beats up Lee. Lee makes Kostoff’s life a living hell. Kostoff beats up Lee. Lee uses his power to mess with Kostoff. Kostoff beats up Lee. And the cycle continues on and on and on. The difference now is, Kostoff has some power and is now in charge of watching Lee.

Kostoff, a bit of advice, power corrupts. The investors have given you power. Sure, you have your “integrity” now, but little by little, you’ll give the investors more for their money and they’ll keep paying you off until suddenly, you wake up thinking of what your next “Kostoff’s Korner” ill entail and what HOW wrestler you’re going to throw under the bus by using your dominant faction called the “Kostoff Koalition”.

Does everyone want to know why Lee Best and Chris Kostoff are such bitter enemies? Because they are the exact same person. Lee just has more money and Kostoff is in better shape.

And then there’s Max Kael. Max….Maxipad-opia or whatever you call it is nothing compared to the sheer Jattastrophic and Jattaclysmic POWER of Jattlantis! Max, you are nothing more than a Jatt Starr wannabe. Do you honestly believe that Lee Best will name an award after you? Do you think Lee Best will contact you day and night for eight weeks straight trying to get you to rejoin the HOW because it severely lacks the Jattastic Ratings it had back in 2002 to 2003? No. You use my name because you envy me. You envy my skill. You envy my accomplishments. And most of all, deep down, you envy me because you know deep down that when Lee Best looks at you, he’s comparing you to me and you know he knows you will never live up to my legacy.

Now, for the real reason why I’m here. I have come here to dispel the rumors and the talk and the hearsay and the conjecture and the gossip and the buzz and the whisperings through the grapevine to announce that I have in fact retired. The Jattmobile is sold. I am standing all the way over here away from the squared circle because after the HOW closed last time, I vowed never to step foot in that ring again. I have my own Best Alliance….my family. And they will ALWAYS be my priority. With that, this is Jatticus K. Starr thanking all of you, including Lee Best, for your support throughout all the years, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And also a personal thank you to Darkwing for being infinitely inferior to me in every way as each win over him solidified my legacy. Thank you.

:::Starr takes a bow to the crowd and disappears to the back.::::

Joe and Benny are stunned as Mayhem goes to commercial as the HOTv screen shows Lee Best literally fall back in his chair knowing full well that 2009 is starting off very shitty for the owner of HOW.

Scottywood vs. Marvelous Mario Maurako
Hardcore Match

Winner of the match after a very hard fought win that should of gotten more time but its 237am….

Triple M retains after two solid rps whereas Scotty had one very solid rp and one average one.


Max Kael vs. Crow
Inferno Match

Tough one here as both guys are great rpers. Another case where its now 239am and they deserve more time…sorry guys…

Two above avg rps beat one avg rp and one really good one…

Winner of the match via setting Max’s legs on fire via burning table……Crow!!


Graystone vs. Ryan Faze
Singles Match

Another match that should get more time but its 242 am and i have work in 4 hrs so sorry Ryan but you get your leg worked over pretty hard in this match as Graystone continued to focus in on your damaged right knee.

Graystone continued the pressure and had a figure four leglock locked in but Boettcher caught Graystone using the ropes and literally had to force Graystone off the ropes which resulted in Graystone nailing Boettcher which brought down Kostoff who signaled for another ref to come down.

A masked ref made it down and as Graystone went for the cover the man nailed him from behind and then placed Faze on the World Champion for the cover….


Post match we see Scottywood and Lee Best come out on the entrance ramp only to be taken out from behind by Silent Witness.

Kostoff joined the ref in the middle of the ring then took his mask off to reveal his identity…


Show Details

The Best Arena

Chicago, Illinois

Show times

  • 9:00PM