HOFC Weigh In
September 22nd, 2009 – #HOW81
The Best Arena, Chicago IL
Lets do this..
Hoffman: Welcome to this special High Octane Fighting Championship presentation! My name is Joe Hoffman, and ordinarily I’d be joined by “Big Buff” Benny Newell, but Benny couldn’t join us tonight…something about how he’d rather…ahem…pleasure himself with sandpaper than watch a mixed martial arts weigh-in. Fight fans, it’s his loss, as tonight, we will witness the weigh-in for the inaugural HOFC Championship fight: “The Headhunter” Michael DeNucci vs. Chris Kostoff in the Prison Yard at Rumble at the Rock 2!
The camera shows the Best Arena, filled with mixed martial arts fans, press, and other noted luminaries, as well as a massive amount of Elite Protection forces.
Hoffman: We are awaiting the arrival of Kostoff and DeNucci, and the buzz is building here tonight, as the crowd makes their way in—
Hoffman is interrupted by Undead, as none other than HOW owner Lee Best makes his way down to the ring, where a podium has been set up alongside an official HOW scale.
Best: Thank you for being here tonight, for this historic weigh-in. This weigh-in is for our first-ever HOFC title fight!
Polite applause from the press and raucous cheers from the crowd mix together.
Best: Introducing first, the roided-up piece of shit himself, the washed-up motherfucker I’m serving up to Michael DeNucci on a silver fucking platter, the big tough son of a bitch who can’t even protect his fucking wife from the mob…CHRIS KOSTOFF!!
“Deuces” by Achozen blasts over the speakers, and Chris Kostoff makes his way down to the stage, staring Lee down like he wants to rip Best’s head off and shit down his neck. Lee gives the signal, and a wall full of EPU security block Kostoff’s path to Lee.
Kostoff: Big fucking man, Lee, hiding behind security like the bitch we all know you are.
Best: AND HIS OPPONENT…the newest superstar in mixed martial arts, the man who is going to knock Kostoff the fuck out at Rumble at the Rock 2, my esteemed business partner, and the man who is going to make me another shitload of money in HOFC…he is a kickboxer and a wrestler, training with Xtreme Couture…please welcome YOUR HOFC CHAMPION…THE HEADHUNTER…MICHAEL DENUCCI!!!
BECAUSE WHEN I ARRIVE, I, I’LL BRING THE FIRE
MAKE YOU COME ALIVE, I, I’LL TAKE YOU HIGHER
WHAT, THIS IS FORGOT? I MUST NOW REMIND YOU
LET IT ROCK, LET IT ROCK, LET IT ROCK
As Let It Rock by Kevin Rudolf (featuring Lil Wayne) continues to blast over the speakers, DeNucci enters the arena, to the raucous boos of the crowd. As he passes Kostoff and takes his position, he can’t help but say something.
DeNucci: Hey Kostoff, your wife says hi. Or was that “Oh God, no, not the cattle prod again!”? I can never remember…
Kostoff has heard more than enough, and he powers through the line of Elite Protection guards, making a beeline for DeNucci. The two men throw hard rights at one another, as more EPU guards pour out of the back, attempting to separate the two men. After a few moments of madness, the two are finally separated, at least long enough for Kostoff to get on the scale.
Hoffman: Chris Kostoff weighs in at two hundred eighty-five pounds!
Kostoff flexes for the crowd, a decision he might have wanted to reconsider, as it gives DeNucci the opportunity to break away from the EPU and nail him with a high kick to the back of the head, knocking Kostoff off the scale. As he falls, however, he pulls DeNucci with him, controlling his head and landing a series of right hands. In their struggle, the two men roll out of the ring and to the ground below, where the EPU try to pull them apart once again.
Hoffman: Folks, this weigh-in has turned into chaos!
DeNucci and Kostoff have now turned their rage on the EPU itself, as the room goes into a frenzy. After taking out the guards in their immediate vicinity, they turn to face each other, exchanging punches before Kostoff gets the better of DeNucci with a knee into the stomach. The wind taken from him, Kostoff follows up with a forearm shot to the Headhunter’s skull, knocking him to the ground. Kostoff pounces on DeNucci, hooking his head and driving his knees into DeNucci’s face.
Best: We need some more fucking security out here!
John Sektor comes out with more EPU guards, but Kostoff refuses to release his death grip on the head of DeNucci. As the EPU pulls him to his feet, he shoves them away and grabs a bloody DeNucci, driving him to the floor with a Death Valley Driver.
Hoffman: DVD! If he uses that move in his fight, it’s over, and DeNucci’s the new champ! That is not a legal MMA move, fans! But then again, I doubt Kostoff cares what’s legal or not right now.
Kostoff gets to his feet and pulls DeNucci up, leaving himself prone to a low blow from the man proclaimed by EWTorch.com to be Douche Bag Of The Year. DeNucci hooks Kostoff’s head, but Kostoff hooks his leg behind DeNucci’s. Kostoff yanks his head free and slams it into that of DeNucci for a massive headbutt, splitting DeNucci’s head wide open. Blood streams from the top of DeNucci’s head as Kostoff grabs him and lifts him up in the air. Unfortunately for him, however, DeNucci drops down behind him and delivers yet another kick to the head from behind, dropping the 285 pounder.
Best: That’s what I’m talking about! Kick his fucking head in, DeNucci!
DeNucci (to Kostoff): Get up, you puffed-up motherfucker! Get to your fucking feet!
DeNucci kicks Kostoff in the ribs, laughing evilly the whole time, before pulling him up and slapping him repeatedly. The crowd is near a riot at this point, but the EPU is holding them back. DeNucci stands Kostoff up and throws a massive right, only for Kostoff to block the shot and slam his palm into the jaw of DeNucci. Kostoff then lifts DeNucci up and drives him back down with the Dominator!
Hoffman: Kostoff with yet another wrestling move! You’ve gotta wonder if this is going to be his strategy in the prison yard at Rumble at the Rock 2?
Kostoff stands over the prone DeNucci, picking him up and dragging him over to the scale, before hooking his head and piledriving him onto it. With DeNucci out cold on the scale, Kostoff grabs a mic and turns to Lee.
Kostoff: Weigh his fucking ass already!
The referee walks over to the scale, making the necessary adjustments as Lee looks on. Joe Hoffman makes the official announcement.
Hoffman: Michael DeNucci weighs in at two hundred forty pounds!
His work here done, Kostoff shoves his way through the massive amounts of security surrounding the ring, as EMTs surround Michael DeNucci.
Hoffman: Fight fans, you have just seen a weigh-in like no other. Somehow, amidst the madness, both men successfully weighed in, and Monday, October 5, an HOFC champion will be crowned. For the entire HOW broadcast team…which is basically just me and Benny at this point…Joe Hoffman saying good night!
The Best Arena